Author Topic: neighbors making me feel like an asshole  (Read 24069 times)

okits

  • CMTO 2023 Attendees
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *
  • Posts: 13017
  • Location: Canada
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #50 on: December 04, 2015, 12:01:43 AM »
Sooo...does anyone give money to their mail carrier, trash collector, others this time of year?

I never have in the past because I find it bizarre that a complete stranger would expect a gift from me for doing their job. But, I do wonder if it makes me an asshole if everyone else is doing it.
This is probably a culture thing, but I get "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibes from those kinds of gifts.
It's like tipping in a restaurant. If everyone does it except you it stands out.  I actually receive gifts from some of the people who do work for me. Probably because they want to keep me as their customer. Giving gifts is not a purely altruistic thing. Giving to people who do work for you is a good way to buy some loyalty and motivation.

I'm glad you mentioned the relationship-building aspect of gift giving.  Some gifts (or cards sent) are to express both appreciation and a hope for continued good relations.  Even if someone is just doing their job there is likely some latitude in how well/thoroughly/promptly they do it, and if they'll go the extra mile (if needed).  You're likely to get better work or a favour if the person knows you and feels appreciated by you.  It seems a bit calculated, but I've never had a bad reaction to "thank you, I appreciate your work."

As for the "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibe, I have loved the occasional Christmas gift received for doing my job, and don't feel demeaned by being the person providing the service/labour in that relationship.  I'm earning a living and doing honest work.  There is not so much kindness and appreciation in the world that I no longer care when some is shown to me.  I suspect it's the same for many people we're discussing regarding Christmas gifts.

Meowmalade

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1560
  • Location: Portland, OR
  • Like "Marmalade". Not like an ailing French cat.
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #51 on: December 04, 2015, 12:25:05 AM »
So, my cousin told me this story.  She used to live in NYC, and if you have a doorman in the lobby you're expected to tip several hundred dollars around Christmas!  Then they moved to SF and apparently there's no such custom there, but they didn't realize it until the apartment manager was incredibly grateful for the gift.  Later on, when a better apartment opened up, they were the first to know, and they even got a really nice leather couch for free when the apartment manager changed up his furniture!

I see giving a small gift to someone who provides you a good service as a nice gesture of appreciation.   If you're lucky it may come back to you ;)

Cranky

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3842
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #52 on: December 04, 2015, 04:09:06 PM »
It was poor form to bring it up, but FWIW we do give gift cards to teachers and cash to daycare workers. They work hard and I want to give to them. But considering we only get one paper a week, we don't give anything to newspaper carrier. If I had a friendly relationship with our postal worker, I would give him something.

What to give a 60+ year old male school bus driver? I'm stumped on that one. Somehow a $15 Target or Starbucks gift card doesn't seem like something he would like, although I see him drinking coffee. Maybe some ground coffee and chocolate? This is someone I see twice a day, and he has been driving our kids for 3 years now. I think it's nice to recognize people who care for your children. It's not obligatory, but it's nice.

Dunkin Donuts gift card?

Honestly, I'm a teacher at a private school, and I am not paid very much, which is actually just fine because this is not a job that I'm doing for the money. But I adore it when parents give me gift cards for the bookstore, because we can never, ever have too many books in my classroom and I pretty generally buy them with my own money.

Jakejake

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 720
  • FIRE: June 17, 2016
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #53 on: December 04, 2015, 04:46:02 PM »
Another teacher here. I don't want personal gifts from my students or their parents.

The best gift is entirely frugal/free: an email from you to a favorite teacher's school board and principal (copied or blind copied to the teacher) outlining how much you appreciate them. NOT a note directly to the teacher, but to their bosses. It has more lasting impact than a gift card.

Next up: a direct donation of needed supplies to the classroom. Not something that looks like a personal gift to them, but funding something on their donor's choose site, or if they don't have one, let them know you have roughly xx amount you want to donate, and what's the best way to spend it? You could get answers from tissues to hand sanitizer to wacom tablets, depending on the budget you give them.

And other things that are timely and personal and free, but not "It's Christmas so I felt obligated to get you something." One senior gave me an apple randomly and said he was graduating that year and he's always wanted to give an apple to a teacher, but never done it. I was pretty psyched too, because an extra snack before the 10 mile ride home is exciting. Another day a pumpkin appeared outside my classroom door, which was hilarious. They'd seen me hauling in my pumpkins from post halloween trash scouting, on my bike rides into school, they knew I was cooking them into lunch smoothies and eating the roasted seeds. So instead of throwing out their halloween pumpkin, they brought it in for me.

MrsPete

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3505
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #54 on: December 04, 2015, 07:43:57 PM »
Might be a good time to share Matthew 6:2 with your neighbors. 

serpentstooth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #55 on: December 04, 2015, 07:57:37 PM »
Sooo...does anyone give money to their mail carrier, trash collector, others this time of year?

I never have in the past because I find it bizarre that a complete stranger would expect a gift from me for doing their job. But, I do wonder if it makes me an asshole if everyone else is doing it.

I will give money to our building super and the porter. The super in particular has saved me a fortune and been a huge help, and we live directly upstairs and the baby is noisy and he's reasonably tolerant of this.

serpentstooth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #56 on: December 04, 2015, 08:02:15 PM »
I make kick-ass toffee.This time of year, I make up pretty gift bags, add thank you notes and share them in lieu of cash tips. Takes more effort than digging into my pocket (which any "asshole" can do), and I get lots of positive feedback. Makes me happy. Passing out cash just doesn't have the same effect. So I guess my answer is "Do what makes you happy." BTW - I have no earthly idea what my neighbors do. I live in an affluent community in a high COLA and damn, it's never come up in conversation.

Care to share a recipe?

Kouhri

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 53
  • Location: Auckland - New Zealand
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #57 on: December 04, 2015, 10:17:09 PM »
This thread has made me doubly pleased that I don't have any one to be guilted into giving too. No hairdresser no cleaner no waste guy (or gal) no nothing. Ahh the joys of being a poor student in the city.

hybrid

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Richmond, Virginia
  • A hybrid of MMM and thoughtful consumer.
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #58 on: December 05, 2015, 08:46:03 AM »
Sooo...does anyone give money to their mail carrier, trash collector, others this time of year?

I never have in the past because I find it bizarre that a complete stranger would expect a gift from me for doing their job. But, I do wonder if it makes me an asshole if everyone else is doing it.

I will give money to our building super and the porter. The super in particular has saved me a fortune and been a huge help, and we live directly upstairs and the baby is noisy and he's reasonably tolerant of this.

DW is a letter carrier and I carried mail for five years as well before going into IT. In Richmond perhaps 5% of middle-class households give the letter carrier something at Christmas. If you have a route of 800 stops, that equates to about 40 people. Someone mentioned that letter carriers cannot accept cash, and that is technically true, but it has been overlooked for decades. The Mrs. usually comes home each year with about $100-$200 in cash, lots of baked goods, small gifts. They are all appreciated. Relationship building is a smart thing to do. I used to get lunch from a food cart down town. I always tipped them in December. I was probably one of very few people who did so. They always treated me very well, probably better than most of their customers. Recognizing their efforts at the end of the year is just a decent thing to do. Granted, most people don't do it, I would argue that if you give freely it always comes back to you one way or another.

serpentstooth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #59 on: December 05, 2015, 08:50:35 AM »
Sooo...does anyone give money to their mail carrier, trash collector, others this time of year?

I never have in the past because I find it bizarre that a complete stranger would expect a gift from me for doing their job. But, I do wonder if it makes me an asshole if everyone else is doing it.

I will give money to our building super and the porter. The super in particular has saved me a fortune and been a huge help, and we live directly upstairs and the baby is noisy and he's reasonably tolerant of this.

DW is a letter carrier and I carried mail for five years as well before going into IT. In Richmond perhaps 5% of middle-class households give the letter carrier something at Christmas. If you have a route of 800 stops, that equates to about 40 people. Someone mentioned that letter carriers cannot accept cash, and that is technically true, but it has been overlooked for decades. The Mrs. usually comes home each year with about $100-$200 in cash, lots of baked goods, small gifts. They are all appreciated. Relationship building is a smart thing to do. I used to get lunch from a food cart down town. I always tipped them in December. I was probably one of very few people who did so. They always treated me very well, probably better than most of their customers. Recognizing their efforts at the end of the year is just a decent thing to do. Granted, most people don't do it, I would argue that if you give freely it always comes back to you one way or another.

Ha, that reminds me. I need to give stuff to the UPS guy in particular. I order everything on the internet and he's been really good to me.

hybrid

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Richmond, Virginia
  • A hybrid of MMM and thoughtful consumer.
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #60 on: December 05, 2015, 08:57:53 AM »
I have a team of four people that works for me. I do small things for them throughout the year. Not because I have to, but because I genuinely want to. They get this and they truly appreciate it. The rather small amount of money I pay for this? I get it back in so many ways. I will be purchasing holiday gifts for them this year. It is my first year at the firm and I don't know if this is a custom or not, suffice to say I am setting my own standard. Not because I am expected to, not because I expect to benefit from it, but because I genuinely want to.

Generosity can be expressed in many different ways and forms. Generosity is a virtue that all people appreciate, truly generous people are often well-liked, likability is one of those traits that bears much fruit, not all of it obvious. To the OP I say embrace generosity in the spirit that suits you best.

justajane

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2146
  • Location: Midwest
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #61 on: December 05, 2015, 10:19:35 AM »
Not because I am expected to, not because I expect to benefit from it, but because I genuinely want to.

Exactly. There are a lot of things that I have to do in life out of obligation and even some gifts that I have to give out of obligation, mostly to family members. But I give to the teachers and daycare workers because I want to. Those are the main gifts at Christmas that I am happy to give. I don't think it's expected, especially in the case of the teachers. I will stop giving teacher gifts once my kids start rotating rooms in sixth grade, though.

Edited to add that I gave more this year -- $25 gift cards to Target to each teacher -- but that was because one is having a baby this month and the other is getting married on New Year's. I thought those were life events that deserved recognition. Plus the teacher getting married has been a teacher to our children for three years now (our school district loops) and the other will be our son's teacher for two years.

« Last Edit: December 05, 2015, 10:23:49 AM by justajane »

FIRE me

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1097
  • Location: Louisville, KY
  • So much technology, so little talent.
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #62 on: December 05, 2015, 06:36:49 PM »
What to give a 60+ year old male school bus driver? I'm stumped on that one.

I'll bet your old bus driver buys groceries. So he would probably be thrilled with a gift card to any popular local grocery chain.

The_path_less_taken

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 653
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #63 on: December 05, 2015, 08:00:05 PM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?


haven't read the thread as I'm burning soup, but please:

1. ignorant of them to ask
2. none of their business
3. as if you care????
4. not a shrink but sounds like compensating for small cigar size: if you have to brag about what you're giving people, you have NO clue on what giving is all about.
5. next time you see them, mention they could live next to me.

I plan on giving honey from my bees this year, and secondhand hay from the horse/burros/ducks/chickens....that's hay that's been through the animal one time already. Perfect for gardens. Also known as 'shit'.

Ask them if they want some shit: I have extra for idiots like them.

okits

  • CMTO 2023 Attendees
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *
  • Posts: 13017
  • Location: Canada
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #64 on: December 05, 2015, 09:34:56 PM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?


haven't read the thread as I'm burning soup, but please:

1. ignorant of them to ask
2. none of their business
3. as if you care????
4. not a shrink but sounds like compensating for small cigar size: if you have to brag about what you're giving people, you have NO clue on what giving is all about.
5. next time you see them, mention they could live next to me.

I plan on giving honey from my bees this year, and secondhand hay from the horse/burros/ducks/chickens....that's hay that's been through the animal one time already. Perfect for gardens. Also known as 'shit'.

Ask them if they want some shit: I have extra for idiots like them.

1) I LOLed at this.

2) Immediate thought: I bet there are hipsters somewhere paying big bucks for natural, microfarm-produced soil-enricher!   (Or whatever fancy marketing name appeals to them.  Any way to fit "artisanal" in there?)

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22318
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #65 on: December 05, 2015, 11:32:03 PM »
I make kick-ass toffee.This time of year, I make up pretty gift bags, add thank you notes and share them in lieu of cash tips. Takes more effort than digging into my pocket (which any "asshole" can do), and I get lots of positive feedback. Makes me happy. Passing out cash just doesn't have the same effect. So I guess my answer is "Do what makes you happy." BTW - I have no earthly idea what my neighbors do. I live in an affluent community in a high COLA and damn, it's never come up in conversation.

Care to share a recipe?
For you, of course! Just give me a day or so to get my act together and find it. Today was Library Holiday Book Sale Day (we made almost $1900 in seven hours, woot!) and I am too exhausted to think about toffee yet, but I will defrost some butter, which will get me motivated.

The_path_less_taken

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 653
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #66 on: December 06, 2015, 08:45:59 AM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?


haven't read the thread as I'm burning soup, but please:

1. ignorant of them to ask
2. none of their business
3. as if you care????
4. not a shrink but sounds like compensating for small cigar size: if you have to brag about what you're giving people, you have NO clue on what giving is all about.
5. next time you see them, mention they could live next to me.

I plan on giving honey from my bees this year, and secondhand hay from the horse/burros/ducks/chickens....that's hay that's been through the animal one time already. Perfect for gardens. Also known as 'shit'.

Ask them if they want some shit: I have extra for idiots like them.

1) I LOLed at this.

2) Immediate thought: I bet there are hipsters somewhere paying big bucks for natural, microfarm-produced soil-enricher!   (Or whatever fancy marketing name appeals to them.  Any way to fit "artisanal" in there?)








Don't laugh: there's an organic greenhouse/hippie place near town that sells artisanal organic ya ya crap for $500 a cubic yard! I laughed when they told me. Local soil tends to be short on whatever the mineral is in sheetrock: they have contractors dump old sheetrock and grind it and add some organic chicken poop....yikes.


On topic, I do tip the trash guy. Yes, it would be cheaper to haul my stuff to the dump but I already have a rodent problem due to the chickens. I also have 40mph hour winds some days....I'd be hiking a mile in the sagebrush to catch my trashcan, but this guy gets out of his truck and wedges it into the gate: worth it and he's super nice.

I think a gift should be something you want to do and feel like doing: not some arbitrary mandatory obligation....that's what IRS is for.

serpentstooth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #67 on: December 06, 2015, 09:49:06 AM »
I make kick-ass toffee.This time of year, I make up pretty gift bags, add thank you notes and share them in lieu of cash tips. Takes more effort than digging into my pocket (which any "asshole" can do), and I get lots of positive feedback. Makes me happy. Passing out cash just doesn't have the same effect. So I guess my answer is "Do what makes you happy." BTW - I have no earthly idea what my neighbors do. I live in an affluent community in a high COLA and damn, it's never come up in conversation.

Care to share a recipe?
For you, of course! Just give me a day or so to get my act together and find it. Today was Library Holiday Book Sale Day (we made almost $1900 in seven hours, woot!) and I am too exhausted to think about toffee yet, but I will defrost some butter, which will get me motivated.

Thank you!

FIRE_Buckeye

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 102
  • Age: 35
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #68 on: December 06, 2015, 10:01:33 AM »
To each their own.
I don't ever see myself giving gifts to anyone outside of immediate family/friends. The idea of giving gifts to teachers, bus drivers, mailmen, etc is interesting, in the vein that the people doing so aren't also giving gifts to their doctors, tax preparers, attorneys, etc that make just as big of an impact on their lives.  Just comes off as the "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibe that has been mentioned in here.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2015, 10:03:53 AM by FIRE_Buckeye »

justajane

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2146
  • Location: Midwest
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #69 on: December 06, 2015, 11:49:24 AM »
To each their own.
I don't ever see myself giving gifts to anyone outside of immediate family/friends. The idea of giving gifts to teachers, bus drivers, mailmen, etc is interesting, in the vein that the people doing so aren't also giving gifts to their doctors, tax preparers, attorneys, etc that make just as big of an impact on their lives.  Just comes off as the "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibe that has been mentioned in here.

For me, it has to do with the fact that the bus driver and teachers are important adults or touchstones in my childrens' lives. It has nothing to do with them being "servants". The bus driver is responsible for getting my child to and from school safely five days a week, and I very much appreciate that he takes this job seriously and does a good job. And clearly the teachers are our closest partners in our childrens' education.

serpentstooth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #70 on: December 06, 2015, 12:05:43 PM »
To each their own.
I don't ever see myself giving gifts to anyone outside of immediate family/friends. The idea of giving gifts to teachers, bus drivers, mailmen, etc is interesting, in the vein that the people doing so aren't also giving gifts to their doctors, tax preparers, attorneys, etc that make just as big of an impact on their lives.  Just comes off as the "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibe that has been mentioned in here.

What's wrong with having servants, gifting to them, or for that matter, being a servant? When I worked, I was an EA, which is basically a servant. It was a job whose exclusive function was to support another person. It paid my bills and supported my family and was in no way degrading.

redbird

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 546
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #71 on: December 06, 2015, 12:11:55 PM »
As an introvert, I never talk to my neighbors so I wouldn't have this conversation in the first place. But for my personal opinion, I feel like everyone can do, or not do, what they want with their money. If the neighbors feel the need to give gifts to the mail carrier and their kids' teachers, fine. But that doesn't mean you don't have to do the same if you don't want to.

I personally always think it awkward when I receive gifts from people I don't know, nor have any sort of "family obligation" feelings toward me. If I was the mail carrier and got gifts from people, I would accept it because it would be rude not to, but I certainly wouldn't expect it.

But I also think it's weird to give people tips. People should receive a proper amount of pay from their employer in the first place for doing their job.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7946
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #72 on: December 06, 2015, 01:58:48 PM »
We have always given gifts to service people & anyone that affects my kids as others have mentioned. We have tipped the trash guy when we had tons of garbage. I never tip the mailmen-they make good $. However, I would never dream of asking my neighbor who they give gifts too. Really rude in my opinion.

FIRE_Buckeye

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 102
  • Age: 35
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #73 on: December 06, 2015, 02:09:27 PM »
To each their own.
I don't ever see myself giving gifts to anyone outside of immediate family/friends. The idea of giving gifts to teachers, bus drivers, mailmen, etc is interesting, in the vein that the people doing so aren't also giving gifts to their doctors, tax preparers, attorneys, etc that make just as big of an impact on their lives.  Just comes off as the "Christmas bonus for the servants" vibe that has been mentioned in here.

What's wrong with having servants, gifting to them, or for that matter, being a servant? When I worked, I was an EA, which is basically a servant. It was a job whose exclusive function was to support another person. It paid my bills and supported my family and was in no way degrading.
Nothing is wrong with any job, you may have just misunderstood my post.
My point was that these people/professions people are gifting to ITT are no more essential to their family (aside from maybe teachers) than that of other professions like doctors, lawyers, accountants, financial advisors, etc. My girlfriend is a teacher, so I get the disparity between what they are paid and the effort they put in, as well as the impact they have on young minds. With that said, she no more expects gifts from parents than I do as an accountant from clients.

Nobody should feel, as the OP put it, like an asshole, for not giving gifts to anyone that you personally don't feel the need to.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22318
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #74 on: December 06, 2015, 05:36:30 PM »
I make kick-ass toffee.
Care to share a recipe?

OMG, Our oven broke last night! It took over an hour to pre-heat for pizza! And our holiday cookie party/neighborhood food drive is only a week away. Gah! Until DH fixes it, It's toffee and no-bake cookies for me. Any recipe ideas greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, the printer crapped out, in apparent in solidarity with the oven. WTF??

As for the enclosed toffee recipe: Since almonds are pricey, it is not cheap, but shopping at Costco for butter and chocolate chips helps. Toasting/chopping nuts is a pain in the ASS, and a food processor doesn't give as good a result as hand chopping, so I pay a little more for the toasted, chopped nuts at Winco (IIRC, about 8.50/lb, but: No Chopping!) It is fairly foolproof, if the directions are followed exactly, and it is 100% delicious. This is a double batch, so the yield is good. I've made scores of batches and only lost one, which I crumbled up and saved for ice cream topping, so not a total loss. This was passed on to me by a friend, so I do not know the source of the recipe, but God bless him or her, whoever they are.

Chocolate-Almond Buttercrunch Toffee

4-6 cups toasted almonds, coarsely chopped
4 tablespoons water
1 cup (2 sticks) salted or unsalted butter
2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed light or dark brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups chocolate chips

1. Sprinkle half the nuts into a jelly roll pan*. Nuts should cover the entire surface of the pan. If not, chop more!

2. In a medium size heavy-duty saucepan fitted with a candy thermometer, melt the butter; add water, then both sugars. Stir to mix sugars and butter. Cook, stirring as little as possible (really), until the thermometer reads 300 F degrees. (There will be a point, at about 280 degrees, when it may smell like it’s burning, but it’ll be okay. If you pull the mixture from the heat before 300, it’ll still taste okay, but it won’t hold its crunch.) Have the vanilla and baking soda pre-measured and ready to go.

3. Once the thermometer hits 300 F degrees, immediately remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and baking soda. Stir rapidly to distribute baking soda evenly. (Yes, it is HOT, so be careful!)

4. Quickly pour the mixture over the nuts on the baking sheet. Try to pour the mixture so it forms a relatively even layer. (Gently but quickly spread to the edges of the pan with a spatula, but don't overwork it.)

5. Strew the chocolate chips over the top and let stand 2 minutes, then spread in an even layer, as if frosting a cake. (It helps to cover pan with foil or an inverted cookie sheet to soften the chocolate.) If desired, dust with a small amount of sea salt if using unsalted butter.

6. Sprinkle the remaining nuts over the chocolate and gently press them in with your hands.

7. Cool completely and break into bite-size pieces to serve. If there’s any left, store in an airtight container.

*Jelly roll pan is 12”x17”x1”. If you don’t have one, use the largest cookie sheet you have.

P.S. If this recipe should be posted somewhere else, feel free to move it.

Trimatty471

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 121
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #75 on: December 06, 2015, 06:22:56 PM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?

My coworker tried to make me feel bad last Christmas.  She asked for whom I was getting gifts for. I said my parents, my brother, and 5 coworkers.  She was all like, " but what about your friends?" My friends and I do not exchange gifts.   She buys for her daughter and her family, nieces, nephews,several girlfriends, guy friends and etc.  I said that is fine for you but I only have one income and besides my family always only take care of our own.

Cpa Cat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1692
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #76 on: December 06, 2015, 06:47:37 PM »
I wonder if this is why my mail carrier threw my package in a puddle the other day. Shoulda jammed some toffee in the mailbox for him.

I don't even understand how I would deliver a gift to my trash collector. They don't actually get out of the truck most of the time - it has an auto-loader. I guess I could hide behind a tree and throw chocolate at them while they drive by.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22318
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #77 on: December 06, 2015, 10:23:18 PM »
I wonder if this is why my mail carrier threw my package in a puddle the other day. Shoulda jammed some toffee in the mailbox for him.

I don't even understand how I would deliver a gift to my trash collector. They don't actually get out of the truck most of the time - it has an auto-loader. I guess I could hide behind a tree and throw chocolate at them while they drive by.
I don't even hide behind a tree, I just go out and hand it to them. It's easy because - wait for it - I'm retired ;-)

AlanStache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3175
  • Age: 44
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #78 on: December 07, 2015, 12:50:15 PM »
On a practical level how do you tip the trash collector?  Do you put a big sign on the side of the bin "Xmass gift for trash collector - gift card within"   Or are you normally home when they come by?  I have only seen my trash collector once or twice, I am most always gone by the time they come by Monday morning. 

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8927
  • Age: 67
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #79 on: December 07, 2015, 01:20:13 PM »
Tape envelope to the trash can or trash bag.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

AlanStache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3175
  • Age: 44
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #80 on: December 07, 2015, 01:43:22 PM »
Tape envelope to the trash can or trash bag.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

This would be noticed or do your guys manually handle each bin?  Round here the guy stays in the truck and a big arm lifts the bin up to the top of the truck and dumps it out. 

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8927
  • Age: 67
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #81 on: December 07, 2015, 01:52:00 PM »
Aha. Our guys do it by hand.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

SugarMountain

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 938
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #82 on: December 07, 2015, 04:51:07 PM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?

I would think you should give gifts to most of those people.  Golf staff?  lol.  I assume that one's not a problem.  But teachers, daycare workers, babysitters should probably get something as a token of your appreciation.  Doesn't have to be expensive though.  And what the gift is is none of the neighbor's business.

asauer

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 848
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #83 on: December 08, 2015, 12:51:01 PM »
We live in a 'well to do' neighborhood- you know, golf course etc.  Most of our neighbors are very nice but non-mustachian.  Yesterday, we were chatting about the holidays and they asked me about who I was "giving" to this year.  I said family and the two charities that we support (that's all).  They went on and on about what they're getting for the babysitter, the mail carrier, the golf staff, teachers, daycare workers etc and implying that I need to be more generous.  I mentally added that up and there's no way we're doing that but it did make me feel like kind of an asshole.  Has anyone else had this experience?

I would think you should give gifts to most of those people.  Golf staff?  lol.  I assume that one's not a problem.  But teachers, daycare workers, babysitters should probably get something as a token of your appreciation.  Doesn't have to be expensive though.  And what the gift is is none of the neighbor's business.
Yes, I make the teachers an edible gift or if they're female, I make them some nice jewelry.  Both of which cost very little.  It's a token of appreciation for a difficult job but I can't go digging in my purse.

Spork

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5742
    • Spork In The Eye
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #84 on: December 08, 2015, 01:19:49 PM »
I hope my wife gives the lawn boy a really big Christmas tip.

andy85

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1060
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Louisville, KY

Cpa Cat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1692
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #86 on: December 08, 2015, 02:41:13 PM »
So I dressed up in my Grinch costume and waited outside in some bushes at 6am. I had a big sack of peanut brittle - you know the kind with the sharp edges that break your teeth? - and threw handfuls at my garbage men. Also a few joggers, because they looked like they needed some Xmas spirit.

But no one seemed grateful at all! I think the garbage men swore at me!

Plus, one of the joggers called the police.

I don't understand why these kinds of normal social interactions always go so poorly for me. Who doesn't like peanut brittle?

Boganvillia

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 131
  • Location: New Zealand
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #87 on: December 08, 2015, 07:49:59 PM »
What to give a 60+ year old male school bus driver? I'm stumped on that one.

Socks?

This is why I will never live in a well to do neighborhood, no matter how much money I have. I like solid B neighborhoods, but the A neighborhoods bug me.

Yes, absolutely. Three cheers for the solid B neighbourhood! That's what we have chosen, too.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2015, 07:53:37 PM by Boganvillia »

4alpacas

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1825
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #88 on: December 08, 2015, 10:14:31 PM »
So I dressed up in my Grinch costume and waited outside in some bushes at 6am. I had a big sack of peanut brittle - you know the kind with the sharp edges that break your teeth? - and threw handfuls at my garbage men. Also a few joggers, because they looked like they needed some Xmas spirit.

But no one seemed grateful at all! I think the garbage men swore at me!

Plus, one of the joggers called the police.

I don't understand why these kinds of normal social interactions always go so poorly for me. Who doesn't like peanut brittle?

The_path_less_taken

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 653
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #89 on: December 09, 2015, 09:46:19 AM »
So I dressed up in my Grinch costume and waited outside in some bushes at 6am. I had a big sack of peanut brittle - you know the kind with the sharp edges that break your teeth? - and threw handfuls at my garbage men. Also a few joggers, because they looked like they needed some Xmas spirit.

But no one seemed grateful at all! I think the garbage men swore at me!

Plus, one of the joggers called the police.

I don't understand why these kinds of normal social interactions always go so poorly for me. Who doesn't like peanut brittle?


Don't aim for the face next time?

As for catching the trash guy in real life....it can be tough. I've flagged down trucks on the road on the way to work, but it's never my guy. One year I gave the card/cash/candy to the guy I'd flagged down, and he said he'd deliver it. Then I thought that might be too tempting driving around all day with chocolate RIGHT THERE ON THE SEAT NEXT TO YOU.

So now I wait until I can catch my guy....he got it two weeks late last year but seemed fine with it. I would be: you're late giving me my free chocolate/money? Darn.

chesebert

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 816
Re: neighbors making me feel like an asshole
« Reply #90 on: December 09, 2015, 10:30:25 AM »
What are the customary amounts to give to your doorman/staff/secretary for the Chicago market?