Change of financial outlook has me panicked (and a little sad)

[mustachianteacher]

Has anyone here dealt with having to change their FIRE plans due to a health-related setback?

My husband and I are both mid-career teachers. We've been saving diligently since Day 1, and between our pensions and our own savings, my calculations had us on track to retire in our early to mid 50s. Our house will be paid off when I am 52 and he's 55, so I figured anytime after that, and we'd be 100% ready. Realistically, I've always thought I would work longer because I really like my job and I'm the sort of person who likes to be busy, but it's been nice knowing that if I wanted to, I could be done at 52.

The curve ball: This school year, my husband's migraines have spiraled out of control, and he has missed months of work. He's constantly at the doctor's or at Urgent Care, but when all is said and done, it seems like he has tried every available medication, and there's just nothing else they can do for someone with "intractable migraine."

Although his school and principal have been very understanding and he's been protected by FMLA, neither of us feels this is a sustainable situation. At some point, his school will probably suggest he take a leave so that they're not constantly scrambling to cover him. I've researched what his disability leave options are, and the pension system's disability leave is such that he would be paid 50% of his pay as long as he is disabled. Should he remain disabled long-term, this is it for life: 50% of earned pay. ("Earned" is key. Because he has missed so much work already, his earned pay is already quite low compared to what he'd earn if he hadn't missed so much.) If the migraines were to resolve, he could return to work, but the leave would permanently affect his eventual retirement benefit. Unfortunately, the pension system's publications are all very vague about how exactly his retirement benefit would be affected.

I'm having a really hard time with this. At the risk of sounding whiny and entitled, it's hard to realize that my years of careful planning are also going to go to shit, and I'll probably need to work quite a bit longer to make up for his lost wages. It's hard enough being the de facto single parent, household manager, decision maker, and runner of all errands, but now I'm going to be the primary breadwinner too, I guess, and it's really intimidating. Moreover, with the loss of 50% of his income, there will need to be some significant cuts to our already-lean budget, and to be honest, it's depressing. We spent our 20s and early 30s living close to the bone that I was finally starting to enjoy not having to think through every little purchase. Now, instead of enjoying that, it looks like we'll need to go back to pinching every penny.

Any words of advice or encouragement?

[marty998]

If you two are closer to 50 than you are to 30, should much of your FIRE stash be coming from investment income instead of wages now? If you're close to the end, I would not expect wages to be substantially all of your income at this point (unless all your stash is in post retirement accounts).

Also... not wanting to be a harbinger of doom, but has he been tested for brain tumours? Could be placing pressure on his brain...

[mustachianteacher]

Marty998, he's had an MRI, and there it was clean, thank God. His father died of a brain tumor, but that was a non-genetic type of tumor.

I am 40 and he is 43, so based on my original plan, we were/are in our peak earning years. Our stash is in 403b, 457b, and Roth IRA accounts.

[marty998]

Good that that has been rules out, sorry to hear you don't yet have a diagnosis though.

It's hard enough being the de facto single parent, household manager, decision maker, and runner of all errands,

Is he that sick that he cannot help out with these tasks? You can't take yourself down as well trying to do everything - you're going to need him to do as much as he can.

[Kaybee]

First off,  I’m really sorry that you and your husband are dealing with this problem.  I get migraines too but mine are weather related and usually respond to drugs.  I can’t imagine NOT being able to find relief.  :(

Secondly,  you mentioned your husband has missed a lot of work and don’t give more details (which is fine) but is he always completely incapacitated?  Most of my friends and family are teachers (or trained as teachers) so I know that the schedule requirements of a regular classroom might not work for him but there are other ways to take advantage of his education if he is still able to work, even just casually.  I’m not actually aware of what kind of regulations might be involved here (if any) but could your husband do casual/consultant type work that still touches on his experience?  I’m just spitballing but he could:

-find a job that involves creating curriculum aides (ie, workbooks, posters, etc)
-tutor students or help home schooling groups in subjects they might find more difficult to teach
-coach new teachers and assist them in creating their lesson plans to ensure compliance with curriculum requirements
-help with marking (I know of teachers that would hire highschoolers to help with very easy level marking work)
-see if alternative schools offer a more flexible schedule (ie, language schools sometimes offer online video-style courses, some “independent learning” schools have the teacher meet with students individually on an appointment basis
-create workshop type programming for teachers on various teaching subjects (particularly if he has any additional training for working with students with special needs/behavioural issues)
-create programming/manage “edu-tainment” type company.  My BF worked at a company that did “crazy science” type programs for children at schools/parties/day camps while he was a university student.  The general science projects were already more or less planned, he just was the person doing the presentations but the person he worked for had a teaching background.

Again, just spitballing but the idea I’m trying to get across is that this change in circumstances due to his health doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t still contribute to the family income, he would just be doing it in a different way.  I don’t know if this is entirely appropriate but I feel like you’re in the grieving process because you’ve realized that the plans you had made aren’t going to happen.  If that’s accurate, by all means, grieve a little...it sucks when life stomps on a dream BUT at some point, you need to also look around, take stock of the situation and see what CAN still be done and what changes are needed to make it happen.

Once the shock and disappointment have worn off, I’m sure you’ll figure out something that can still help you get to where you want to be (even if it takes more time).  The resilience and ingenuity demonstrated by of forum’s members is one of the things I love the most about it.  I hope nothing I posted seems like I’m talking down to you, good luck and I hope that your husband does eventually find something that helps with his migraines.

[mustachianteacher]

Marty998, when he is in pain, yes, he is utterly incapacitated. He vomits from the pain and is sensitive to light and sound, so he's basically either in the bathroom or in bed. This week, he's been in pain for 6 consecutive days. It's really, really awful. (His "record" is 12 days.)

Kaybee, I appreciate your thoughtful response. Yes, I think I am grieving what could have been or should have been. I also miss having an active life partner. At the moment, he already has lighter than normal job duties, and his principal has been extremely accommodating. I honestly can't think of a better situation, which is why the fact that this still isn't working out very well has me so depressed and panicked. The crux of the problem is that the migraines and cluster headaches are pretty unpredictable. They're triggered by weather about 50% of the time, but we don't know about the other 50%. So, even if he took on another position -- I looked into being a teacher for an online school, for example -- everything has deadlines and time requirements, and there's never any way of knowing whether he'll be able to work or not. It's like that with everything. He has missed family vacations, holidays, time with the kids, everything. It's very hard to make plans.

[mustachianteacher]

My DH has a great line: “plans are just guidelines and aspirations”

FIRE plans are just that, they’re aspirational, motivational hopes that are anchored in reason and pragmatism. Still, shit happens, plans change, and one guarantee is that life will ALWAYS fuck with you.

[....]It’s not easy, and mourning the “normal” life that you can’t have is a process.

Yes, this is it in a nutshell. We've dealt with curve balls in other scenarios (extreme home repairs, deaths in the family) but never one that directly impacted our own life plans so much. I guess the other curve balls were just practice.

[CrustyBadger]

Mustachianteacher, this happened to us.  My husband became permanently disabled at age 58 while we had expected him to continue to be the main breadwinner for another 10 years.  (No we were not at that time on an ER plan).

It is a shock.  There is a grieving process. 

I am posting now to follow and will come back later when I have more time to write.

[englishteacheralex]

That's awful. I think my husband and I are about five years behind you and our plans are just about the same as what you said. We've got toddlers now. When DH and I are 40 things are supposed to kick into high gear: student loans paid off, daycare $$ freed up, DH is supposed to get a pretty big promotion/raise...we have the same plan; do all that for a decade and then be able to skedaddle at around 53.

So how would I feel if DH (who makes about 35% more money than I do) were to have his health shit the bed, thus throwing the whole plan off?

Man. It would not be good.

I think I would stop reading these forums and other FIRE blogs, honestly. I've been hanging around these parts for around two years, and I'm already sometimes feeling some misgivings about them.

It's not that I begrudge FIRE people their success. Just that the relentless focus on bootstrapping oneself into financial freedom tends to crowd out any room for drawing a bad hand or putting value on things other than financial freedom. The MMM philosophy in its purest form, in my opinion tends to distort the truth about what makes people happy. I think this is why you see people on the forums here who have got their plan down but are pretty unhappy riding out the next decade until their "stache" is big enough to RE.

Sure, consumerism is a trap. Sure, working a high-stress job that you hate is to be avoided. Sure, money is a tool, a means to an end.

But at the end of the day, early financial independence isn't the be-all/end-all of life. MMM philosophy doesn't have a lot to say to people who don't have that option available to them. And it's not an option for everyone. I'm a fairly conservative person, politically, but I still acknowledge that not everybody can amass a personal fortune high enough and a spending level low enough so that they can retire before 65 or 70 or when health forces them to do so. Bad luck exists, and is not a character flaw.

At the end of the day, IMHO, a life lived with purpose and meaning is the key to contentment (although it may feel awkward, difficult, and uncomfortable a lot of the time to pursue purpose and meaning). 

Anyway, I'm sure there are better, more concrete things to say about your change of plans, but mostly you just sound like a person of great strength, character, and integrity, and I hope you know that those are more valuable things than a pile of money in a VTSAX account by the age of 53.

[mxt0133]

It's not that I begrudge FIRE people their success. Just that the relentless focus on bootstrapping oneself into financial freedom tends to crowd out any room for drawing a bad hand or putting value on things other than financial freedom. The MMM philosophy in its purest form, in my opinion tends to distort the truth about what makes people happy. I think this is why you see people on the forums here who have got their plan down but are pretty unhappy riding out the next decade until their "stache" is big enough to RE.

Sure, consumerism is a trap. Sure, working a high-stress job that you hate is to be avoided. Sure, money is a tool, a means to an end.

I agree with you this, some on here do seem to just suck-it up just to get to a certain number.  For the first few years of discovering FIRE I was that way.  Until it started to cause a lot of problems between my wife and I.  I have since backed of a bit on the FIRE bandwagon because to me there was no point in being FIRE but also divorced and a weekend end dad.  I have found more balance in making sure not to sacrifice the present for some distant future.  Don't get me wrong I still do my best to be very conscious about our how we spend our money, but I don't go ape shit when and unexpected expense come up or we spend a grand more on vacation that I want to.  I'm getting better at being present in the moment and not always planning for the future or living in the past on how I could have done it better.

But at the end of the day, early financial independence isn't the be-all/end-all of life. MMM philosophy doesn't have a lot to say to people who don't have that option available to them. And it's not an option for everyone. I'm a fairly conservative person, politically, but I still acknowledge that not everybody can amass a personal fortune high enough and a spending level low enough so that they can retire before 65 or 70 or when health forces them to do so. Bad luck exists, and is not a character flaw.

At the end of the day, IMHO, a life lived with purpose and meaning is the key to contentment (although it may feel awkward, difficult, and uncomfortable a lot of the time to pursue purpose and meaning). 

As MMM said it himself this blog really is tailored to those in the middle to upper middle class that makes FIRE relatively easy to achieve.  But even for those that are not in the situation to save 50% of their take home pay, his philosophy about questioning consumerism and optimizing spending can help a great deal.  Learning to enjoy free to low cost activities vs expensive ones will enable you to enjoy life even if you don't make a lot of money.  The great thing about frugality is that anyone learn it and it doesn't have to mean a life of misery.

Take the OP for example, she is frustrated about what happened to her plans (rightfully so, I would too), but think about how much worse their situation would be if they didn't have the savings or learned to lower their expenses.  They might have to sell their home or she might have to work another job to make ends meet and not be able to help her husband.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so enjoy life today to it's fullest.  If you are not enjoying life now because you think you will be happy in the future once your are FIRE, that is a risky gamble in my opinion.

[BAM]

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Health stuff is frustrating and scary.

A couple thoughts from our experience:
My DH has had migraines on and off for years. Strangely enough, most were caused by his eye sight changing. As soon as he got a new glasses prescription they cleared up.
Then last fall, he got a some really bad ones. First one was terrifying. His symptoms resembled a stroke with some oddities. It did respond to meds but kept coming back. I know most people on this site don't agree with alternative meds but as soon as we got his neck adjusted (gentle chiropractic - not snap-crackle-pop chiropractic), they totally went away and haven't come back.
You might want to consider looking at alternatives. What changed just before the migraines got really bad?

[CrustyBadger]

I'm having a really hard time with this. At the risk of sounding whiny and entitled, it's hard to realize that my years of careful planning are also going to go to shit, and I'll probably need to work quite a bit longer to make up for his lost wages. It's hard enough being the de facto single parent, household manager, decision maker, and runner of all errands, but now I'm going to be the primary breadwinner too, I guess, and it's really intimidating. Moreover, with the loss of 50% of his income, there will need to be some significant cuts to our already-lean budget, and to be honest, it's depressing. We spent our 20s and early 30s living close to the bone that I was finally starting to enjoy not having to think through every little purchase. Now, instead of enjoying that, it looks like we'll need to go back to pinching every penny.

Any words of advice or encouragement?

It is TOTALLY understandable that you'd be a little bit whiny, and even resent the situation.  You have been scrimping and saving for so long, and had it all planned out, and now look what is happening!

But...

Wow, you guys are in such a much better position, for having planned for early retirement, than you would be if you had just frittered your money away for the past years.  First off, your husband HAS long term disability insurance.  Yes, 50% of his salary isn't as good as 100% of his salary, but it is a LOT better than what SSDI will pay (probably), and qualifying for SSDI with migraines is not easy or guaranteed.   Qualifying for private long term disability is probably a lot easier.

It sounds like you have already done all the checking, but just be sure you understand the terms of the LTD insurance.  Most plans I have heard of will cover 50% of your "salary before becoming disabled" not "earned income last year". It seems weird to me that the plan would only pay when he has been recently earning, while on unpaid leave.  I would really check into that if you aren't already sure.  I find the more information I have (even if it is bad news) the more secure I feel.

It may be hard to qualify for SSDI with a migraine, but it might be worth looking into and documenting medical care, trips to the ER, etc., effects on ability to work.  If he does qualify for SSDI any payments would be reduced from his private Long Term Disability Payments, but as you have a child or children, there might be some benefits for the kids as well, which might not affect the payments.

You say you are the de facto single parent and decision maker, but even if your husband is disabled by 12 days of painful migraines, they do end at some point, correct?  The other days, is he able to do anything at all around the house?  Can he drive, or is he worried about a migraine affecting him while driving? 

It seems to me you need to have two plans -- one while he is incapacitated and the other while he is OK.  You do all the household and kid stuff when he is ill, but he picks up when he is functioning.   There's a real balance to be made when a spouse is ill, and it takes a while to figure out the new normal.  It might be that if he quits working on disability (which is a type of retiring early even if you aren't yet financially independent) and has some days free of illness, you might still be able to have a decent life, even if it isn't the financially independent one you had been hoping for. 

I totally get the feeling of "Oh crap, we have to go back to scrimping and saving again".  I was a stay at home mom for 10 years and we only managed by living on almost nothing.  I went back to work when my younger child was in K, and had this amazing feeling of being able to shop in an actual clothing store, and not the thrift store.  The day my husband was diagnosed with a serious illness and I realized soon he'd be out of work, I cried and cried.  I thought "I don't want to go back to buying my bras at the thrift store!"

But the reality is, it's OK.  You can do this.  You know how to live frugally.  You have the skills. You can rise to the challenge.  Hopefully you and your husband can figure out what is causing these new migraines, and maybe work out some better medications or figure out the triggers, or maybe less stress from work will help.

[CrustyBadger]

Oh, and I would contact either your union or your HR people at work to try to get a fuller picture of the implications of long term disability leave on your husband's eventual pension payment.  It won't change your course of action, but you would feel better knowing exactly the effect it would have.

[mm1970]

I'm very very sorry.

I don't really have any useful advice, except virtual hugs.

I have a friend who was the breadwinner for a family of 5.  They homeschooled.  He was hit by a car while riding his bike.  He's been off work with multiple broken bones/ internal injuries since October.  Difficult pain management.  Can only walk about 100 ft.  His wife is basically a 24/7 caregiver now.  He should be able to work again, but who knows when.  It's a strain.

I have another friend who was riding a scooter and was run over by a car.  She was also the primary breadwinner.  Broken bones, full on hip replacement, will never be able to do the physical job she did before or the physical FUN she did before.  Been waiting 2 years for a settlement / trial.  Have come close to losing the house.  Obamacare saved their bacon as she was unemployed and doing temp work at the time.

It really really sucks.  I really hope that you can find a solution to the migraines, because that sounds awful.

[wenchsenior]

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Health stuff is frustrating and scary.

A couple thoughts from our experience:
My DH has had migraines on and off for years. Strangely enough, most were caused by his eye sight changing. As soon as he got a new glasses prescription they cleared up.
Then last fall, he got a some really bad ones. First one was terrifying. His symptoms resembled a stroke with some oddities. It did respond to meds but kept coming back. I know most people on this site don't agree with alternative meds but as soon as we got his neck adjusted (gentle chiropractic - not snap-crackle-pop chiropractic), they totally went away and haven't come back.
You might want to consider looking at alternatives. What changed just before the migraines got really bad?

I would also consider looking into muscular or skeletal misalignment, or exercise routine, if OP's husband has not done so.  I have suffered from life long chronic pain (perhaps fibro? or myofascial?) and chronic headaches, both tension and migraine.  It has waxed and waned over the years, affected mostly by hormone levels, and also by regularity and type of exercise, whether I am stuck at the computer for more than a couple hours per day, amount of magnesium and vitamin D (apparently I need a lot), food additives, and weather.

OP, I assume your husband has had his thyroid checked?  I had a terrible period of about 6 months a few years ago where I went from my more standard 1-2 debilitating migraines per month to about 10-12 per month, sometimes lasting days.  The only way for me to keep them in check and keep the cycle of vomiting and crying from pain from developing was to take pseduo ephedrine or corticosteroid nasal spray to reduce sinus pressure and constrict the blood vessels in my brain.  As you can imagine, being on that kind of cocktail for more than a few days caused other problems for my body! At the same time, my thyroid developed a nodule that must have been intermittently 'hot', which caused some erratic thyroid hormone production.  It was really a disaster for a few months. 

Anyway, OPs husband should def have thyroid checked, if that hasn't been done.  And consider lifestyle, exercise, posture, muscle misalignment, etc.  Also food...nitrates and sulfates get me the worst. Ugh.

I finally got out of the worst of the pain cycle (which had essentially made me barely functional) by a combo of new meds that affected my hormone levels, a strong focus on multiple daily rounds of massage/stretching of my upper body and neck (which is terribly misaligned from 2 decades of constant deskwork), and also starting to swim regularly, which relieved pressure on my spinal column and neck while stretching and strengthening my upper body.

Apparently there are also some new meds for migraine that are taken preventively and work wonderfully for some people (I can't take them b/c of kidney stone risk in my family).

[TheWifeHalf]

I have heard of this connection too often to not mention it: Google migraines and Lyme disease

You had a goal before, FIRE, now, your goal has changed. It's ok to be sad, but now your goal is your husband's health. Working towards this together can bring you even closer

[bugbaby]

Also consider Botox or other neurosugical options. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Sent from my KIW-L24 using Tapatalk

[wenchsenior]

Finally, my biggest trigger is exposure to a few common types of mold. Like metal as a trigger, this is viewed skeptically by most mainstream doctors. However there is research supporting the idea that *some* types of mold can have neurological impacts. There are also lots of people who claim they have experienced headaches and other chronic illnesses while living or working in buildings with water damage. I suspect that at one point research will catch up with these rather consistent and unexplained complaints and find that water damage and some molds trigger severe headaches and chronic illness symptoms in a small percentage of the population.

I first discovered mold as a trigger by accident when I got better after turning off my AC to save money and later found water damage and mold in the HVAC closet. When I found out there were other chronic illness patients that thought there was a connection I decided to test my reaction by spending time in the desert. I recovered almost immediately in Arizona. Unfortunately the headaches, fatigue, and other symptoms came back when I went back to my apartment.

I am also suspicious of mold or possibly silica as a possible trigger for me, as well, though in my case not for migraines specifically but for the 2 confirmed autoimmune diseases plus CFS/Fibro type symptoms I discussed above.

However, as a scientist by training, it is in incredibly frustrating to me how little is understood about autoimmune disease or chronic pain disorders, and I fully acknowledge that a lot of us are just stabbing in the dark with a lot of these ideas (as you say).  I am planning on testing the mold thing this summer (I think the carpet in my office might be full of it) and a couple other things.

So so frustrating.

 

Oh, and speaking of treatments with actual evidence.  OP, there is actually some legit evidence that high dosas of vitamin B2 can help prevent migraines, so if your husband hasn't discussed that with his doctor, you could look into it.

[SavinMaven]

I don't have grand financial advice - except to echo one of the posters above, who to paraphrase said thank goodness you've been following MMM, or you could be in really dangerous territory now! - but I did want to encourage you NOT to give up on improvement in your husband's condition and NOT to accept this as the new normal.

He really needs to see a headache specialist, not a general neurologist. And if need be, there are inpatient headache centers that will get a handle on what is going on, and reverse it. I'm not sure where in the country you live, but one such place is the Diamond Headache Clinic in Chicago (though the name says clinic, for people with intractable headache, they usually start with a two-week hospitalization to regain control). You and he both are far too young for this to be the way life is from now on!

[Cyanne]

You mention cluster headaches. I know that those are different than migraines since my dad suffers from them. Has your husband tried oxygen? That seemed to work better for my dad than the pain killers he was prescribed. I have migraines and I would take those any day over cluster headaches. I'm sorry that you and your husband are dealing with this. I can also tell you that the frequency of my dad's cluster headaches were the worst from his mid 30's to 40's but have lessened.

[mustachianteacher]

Thank you for all the constructive feedback, sympathy, and encouragement. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

To those with specific suggestions about what helped their migraines, thank you. I am like you -- very proactive, research-oriented, and determined to solve the problem. My husband, unfortunately, is not. I have nagged, nudged, and pushed as much as I can, but considering how busy I already am, I just can't do all of that too for him. I have been to appointments with him, emailed doctors, made him appointments, insisted he go, etc. but at some point, that's it. It needs to be on him. There's a huge anxiety/depressive component as well, and getting him to address that is like pulling teeth. As of right now, he has an appointment next week, but we'll see if he keeps it. Other than that, he's tried acupuncture, chiropractic care, magnesium infusions, Botox, and is on 4 different meds -- some daily, some for acute pain. He's "open to the idea" of exercise, but has not once in the last ten years actually enjoyed or stuck with attempts at exercise. (I, on the other hand, am a runner and hiker. You have no idea how much I pushed the exercise, nutrition, and mindful breathing stuff!)

The cluster headaches are very occasional. Yes, we're both familiar with the differences. I'd say he has migraine pain 4 out of 7 days a week, and a cluster headache might show up once or twice every 3 months, and then disappear for a while. We have no idea what the trigger is for those.

To the poster who suggested I look into SSDI, is that Social Security? In our state, we don't pay into Social Security; our pension system is our long-term disability plan. I do have both of us covered under short-term disability insurance, which is good to know, but the benefit is rather low, and that runs out after 2 years. So, I'm glad to have it, but it's not going to affect decision-making about whether to file for long-term disability. As for private long-term disability insurance, I think it's probably a bit late for that now. Most companies have an exclusion period, and with his history, premiums would likely be a fortune.

And to those who pointed out that, at least we were on the FIRE path and, as such, are in a better financial position that being utterly blindsided -- yes, I agree wholeheartedly. I was playing with some calculators last night, and was comforted to see that even if we totally stopped contributing to our stash, it would still grow nicely and be a decent sum in 15-20 years. Of the two of us, I am the higher earner anyway, which is also a relief. So, it could be a lot worse, and I know many people deal with much, much worse.

At this point, I think it makes sense for him to hang on as much as possible. If the school doesn't push the issue, no point in him taking that leave voluntarily unless things continue to deteriorate. (Or, maybe that therapy appointment in a few weeks to address anxiety will lead him in the right direction; this is something I've been trying to make happen for years.)

Thank you again for all the helpful feedback.

[CrustyBadger]

To the poster who suggested I look into SSDI, is that Social Security? In our state, we don't pay into Social Security; our pension system is our long-term disability plan.

Yes, that was me -- Social Security Disability Insurance. I'm sorry, until today (in my ignorance) I had no idea that not everyone who was working paid into Social Security.

I would not assume your husband could not purchase long term disability insurance at some point, if he is working again.  But it is pretty hard to qualify for LTD with a complaint of severe migraines, from what I have read, primarily because it is hard to prove (no specific blood tests, xrays, etc.)

[dude]

Sorry to hear this. Try as we may to control as many variables in our lives as we can, random shit happens (especially when it comes to health), and it can deal a serious blow to our lives. I wish you and your husband the best in getting through this.

[clutchy]

Has anyone here dealt with having to change their FIRE plans due to a health-related setback?

My husband and I are both mid-career teachers. We've been saving diligently since Day 1, and between our pensions and our own savings, my calculations had us on track to retire in our early to mid 50s. Our house will be paid off when I am 52 and he's 55, so I figured anytime after that, and we'd be 100% ready. Realistically, I've always thought I would work longer because I really like my job and I'm the sort of person who likes to be busy, but it's been nice knowing that if I wanted to, I could be done at 52.

The curve ball: This school year, my husband's migraines have spiraled out of control, and he has missed months of work. He's constantly at the doctor's or at Urgent Care, but when all is said and done, it seems like he has tried every available medication, and there's just nothing else they can do for someone with "intractable migraine."

Although his school and principal have been very understanding and he's been protected by FMLA, neither of us feels this is a sustainable situation. At some point, his school will probably suggest he take a leave so that they're not constantly scrambling to cover him. I've researched what his disability leave options are, and the pension system's disability leave is such that he would be paid 50% of his pay as long as he is disabled. Should he remain disabled long-term, this is it for life: 50% of earned pay. ("Earned" is key. Because he has missed so much work already, his earned pay is already quite low compared to what he'd earn if he hadn't missed so much.) If the migraines were to resolve, he could return to work, but the leave would permanently affect his eventual retirement benefit. Unfortunately, the pension system's publications are all very vague about how exactly his retirement benefit would be affected.

I'm having a really hard time with this. At the risk of sounding whiny and entitled, it's hard to realize that my years of careful planning are also going to go to shit, and I'll probably need to work quite a bit longer to make up for his lost wages. It's hard enough being the de facto single parent, household manager, decision maker, and runner of all errands, but now I'm going to be the primary breadwinner too, I guess, and it's really intimidating. Moreover, with the loss of 50% of his income, there will need to be some significant cuts to our already-lean budget, and to be honest, it's depressing. We spent our 20s and early 30s living close to the bone that I was finally starting to enjoy not having to think through every little purchase. Now, instead of enjoying that, it looks like we'll need to go back to pinching every penny.

Any words of advice or encouragement?

Yes, whatever you all are doing is making him sick.  I'm guessing the unitary focus on this objective is not going over well with him. 
Have you looked into diet?  Exercise?  Has anything changed recently?  How is his stress level?

Migraines are often a manifestation of sensitivity to something... or not. 

I'm guessing it's environmental.

[FIRE Artist]

Sorry to hear about your situation.  I am Canadian, here disability insurance benefits are not taxable, is that the case where you live?  It might make 50% comp a bit easier to adjust to.   

Another thing, my brother has had good results with cannabis use for migraines.  When all else fails it could be wortht a try.

[msmargarita]

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through - not only his day to day pain, but also the disappointment of having your life plans hit a wall.

I have chronic migraine, and was diagnosed over 10 years ago.  You sound like an incredibly supportive spouse, as not many people realize just how debilitating this condition is, and that a person can go from fine to completely bed ridden in a matter of hours. 

Work wise, I am not the main bread winner, so I as able to quit my job and work part time from home as an internet analyst. I can log on whenever I feel well enough to work, and stop whenever I feel a migraine developing.  The job is low pay, and no benefits, but it is something and it helps me from feeling depressed that I can't contribute more to the household.  There are online tutoring jobs that work the same way, and might be a good fit for your husband.

Health wise, I second the suggestion to find a headache specialist, and not just a neurologist.  This was the single best thing I did for my health.  Not sure where you are located, but many people come from out of state to MHNI in Michigan.  They have both an inpatient hospital and outpatient services, and work with your neuro when you go back home.  You see a headache specialist, a dietary specialist, and a counselor, and the team works together to form a plan suited for you. 

For a little bit of encouragement, the FDA is most likely approving the first actual migraine preventative in a couple of weeks on May 18.  If your husband hasn't yet heard of the new class of CGRP drugs, please have him look into it.  Many of us have high hopes that this is the answer to our condition.  Results are very promising, with many people having a complete reduction in both pain and migraine days.  It could very well be what lifts your husband out of his pain and depression, and puts your life goals back on track. 

[nawhite]

Chronic Migraines run in my wife's family. The past 3 generations have all needed to go on disability for being unable to work and my wife also gets them but thankfully has them mostly under control with medication. My FIL's experience over the past couple years sounds surprisingly similar to what you guys are going though:

Medications slowly becoming less and less effective at controlling the pain, taking unpaid time off work, being asked to leave and go on disability, legal fight with disability insurance providers, pain causing depression and weight gain causing pain to get worse...

I'm so sorry.

Advice:
0) My FIL ended up spending a week at the Diamond Headache Clinic in Chicago that was life changing for him. Like completely changed his outlook on what the rest of his life would be like.
1) Many neurologists don't specialize in migraines, go to one that does.
2) A ton of medications that aren't for migraines can still be used to treat them. A common fibromyalgia medication is very common to give to migraine sufferers but if you don't go to a migraine specialist, they wont know about the off-label uses.
3) There are so many possible causes of migraines that everyone will try to sound helpful saying things like "just stop eating X" or "just don't go near Y". Try to ignore all of those people as they will just lead you down rabbit holes. This is my biggest pet peeve, I really don't care what causes <random person's> migraines and we've done more work than they can imagine figuring out what causes them in my wife. I probably know more about why X causes their migraines than they do.
What you can do though is start keeping a migraine diary today. Every time he gets a migraine, track the pain level, duration, everything he ate for the last 24 hours, stress level for the past 24 hours and weather outlook for yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is the only way to find out what causes his migraines.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want more information.

[Mezzie]

I'm also a teacher and my plans have changed due to disability. You might want to head over to my journal (link in sig) as members here have given me great advice that could apply to your situation.

Chronic pain of any kind is especially annoying because of how unpredictable it is. It's hard to plan anything since you don't know how you'll feel that day. For me, I think that was harder to adjust to than the pain itself.

I wish you both the best. Hopefully with time you'll get into a groove that works for you both.

[Laura33]

First, I am sorry.  You are naturally grieving the death of a life you had anticipated and work toward, so give yourself time to do that.

Second:  please note that if you paid for the LTD with post-tax money (i.e., did not take a tax deduction for it as part of your employer's compensation system), then that 50% benefit is completely tax-free.  This is why most LTD plans are capped at 60-70% of earnings:  because they don't want to create a system where you can make more money from being disabled than from working!  So you may not need to worry about the financial side of the equation as much as you think.  I would suggest plugging your "new" numbers, assuming LTD, into something like TurboTax so you can see what your post-tax income will really be.  It will likely be a little less (I doubt you are really paying 50% in taxes), but it should not be anywhere close to the full 50% cut you are expecting.

Also do take a close look at the pension plan.  I know that in the private sector, LTD insurance runs until @65, when you can transition to SS.  I would assume your plan does the same thing with the pension, so you should also look into how that will work and how much his pension might be (i.e., do they give at least some credit for those years he's on LTD, so that his benefit would be comparable?).

Best of luck.  We have had several major reversals of fortune, both bad and good, so I know how emotionally hard it can be -- and when you are doing it without the support of your spouse (and in fact his inaction is adding to your burden), that makes it even harder.  FWIW, I think it would be entirely fair of you to draw the line and force him to continue to seek treatment.  His illness is effectively forcing you to be both the sole breadwinner and primary spouse in charge of all home life as well.  That is something that most of us suck up and handle when a major illness strikes, but part of that deal is that the ill spouse does whatever s/he can to get better.  Choosing not to try is not remotely acceptable in my book, because that is basically saying "I understand I am dumping everything on you, and that is ok by me."  That is, quite simply, not something you do to someone you love.  If his depression/anxiety is so bad that he cannot face going to even more doctors and trying even more therapies that may not work, then the first place he needs to go is to a therapist to manage his mental health.  Things aren't magically going to get better just by doing nothing and staying in bed.

[Dr Kidstache]

You're not alone going through this. It's natural to grieve our hopes and plans when they get smooshed by reality. I became permanently disabled very early in my medical career due to an injury. It's been more than 2 years and there are still days that I'm grieving or angry.

I recommend you focus on planning for 2 things and only 2 things right now: 1) your husband's medical care, and 2) playing financial defense with your husband's pension

1) Your husband's medical care. Are there ways that you can better plan for medical expenses? Put other financial goals on hold and divert money to make sure that you have out-of-pocket maximums or other possible expenses in cash at the ready? Do you have an open enrollment for his health insurance coming up and plan options that would better control expenses? Disabling neurologic conditions tend to lead down a pathway of more and more uncovered treatments as the years go by and the more you can plan for them, the better prepared you will be to seek the best treatments.

2) Playing financial defense with your husband's pension. Your husband's and his boss's decisions about his work right now could have HUGE financial implications for you that you might not realize. Most of us have been commenting about LTD and SSDI because that's what we have for long-term disability. But your husband has something different. Can you tell us more about how his pension plan provides for long-term disability? Do you have a copy of the actual policy or pension documents with the relevant language? Is he in a union? Also, is your short-term disability with a private company? And do you have a copy of that policy? These documents are SO important to you. It sounds like your husband has been put on light work duties as an accommodation already. It also sounds like he's trying to cling to the job at all costs (even potentially making the migraines worse). That's how most of us would feel in his shoes, but (perversely) clinging to the job may potentially make claiming disability in the future much more difficult.  Just as an example, if someone has a condition (in this case migraines) and can do light work for some period of time but then later says they can't work at all because of the exact same condition, that can be interpreted as choosing to not work for a reason unrelated to the medical condition. He's already on light work accommodations - is that based on written recommendations by his physician or just his own requests? If it's been from his own requests, get his physician to put it in writing ASAP. Based on how much he's struggling, it would probably be advantageous to have his physician declare that he is too disabled from the migraines to work at all. But you may need legal help to sort out what is best given the specific constraints of your pension plan and the STD policy. 50% of his earned income isn't what you were planning on, but it's a world better than 0%. Disability determinations are not straightforward and can get derailed before you even realize what the rules are. Read the policy and pension documents until you have them memorized. Get legal help immediately if you're not sure of the implications of him staying at work on light duty vs being forced to take a leave due to medical recommendations.

Best of luck to you both in this really difficult time.

[ltt]

Can you also tell us what area of the country you live in and if you have four distinct seasons?  Are his headaches worse in any particular season?

[TheWifeHalf]

2) A ton of medications that aren't for migraines can still be used to treat them.

This, and the op mentioning anxiety, makes me want to tell my 'headaches, and stopping them' story:
10 days after having my third child (no problems, no drugs) I got a horrendous headache, was hospitalized for 4-5 days to rule out worse things. It felt like someone was in the right side of my head and pounding my skull with a hammer. And it sounded like it too. The headache never went away. Finally, after 3 months of trying stuff, the one medicine that worked was an antidepressant. I was not depressed, it was the happiest time of my life until then.

The medicine took away the headache. I have taken it for 30 years, and no headaches. It's hard for me to imagine how bad, and continual, it was.

[SunnyDays]

My condolences on your difficulties, @mustachianteacher .  Headaches are just so much worse than any other pain, because it interferes with your thinking, not just your physical abilities.  Luckily, I've had few of them in my life, but I did suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 8 years, so I understand debilitating illness.  While this probably won't help your husband, do you mind if I hijack your thread a bit and respond to @myrax and any others who have CFS?  I did eventually find a doctor that cured me, so maybe it will help others.
My story:
I woke up one morning in May (the 4th actually) in 1992 at the age of 32 suddenly feeling really ill.  Like a flu - achy muscles, tired, finger joint pains, mild nausea, mental fogginess, and just generally yucky.  Assumed it was the flu, as I was otherwise perfectly healthy.  Took a few days off work and stayed in bed.  Felt slightly better and forced myself back to work, but over the next few months, still felt pretty rough.  Knew it couldn't be the flu for that long, so started the never-ending round of doctors, none of whom could find anything wrong with me, even with lab tests.  (One doctor suggested my fatigue, which really was the predominant symptom by then, just never remitting and feeling more exhausted every morning than I'd felt the night before, was due to not getting enough oxygen in my cells, and I just had to breathe more!  WHAT?!?!)
Anyway, this continued for 7 years while I kept working and just rested as much as I could, with naps at lunch and early bedtimes.  I was SO sick, but without an explanation for it or any test results to back up illness, I couldn't get time off work, beyond my regular sick days, of which I used all I had.
One thing I noticed was that mold made me feel much worse as long as I was exposed to it.  I had to get rid of all my plants, could not eat cheese or mushrooms (technically a fungus, I know) or I got severely fatigued, dizzy, and felt a swollen gland in my throat when I swallowed.  On one occasion, I unknowingly sat near a moldy orange at the bottom of a bowl and after about a half hour, had to go lie down, I felt so sick.  Discovered the orange the next day.
So after 7 years, my new GP finally diagnosed me with CFS, because her husband had had it and she recognized the symptoms.  All she could offer in the way of treatment was Amitriptiline (spelling?) for sleep, but it really didn't help.
My mother was seeing her GP one day and asked if she knew anyone who dealt with CFS, and she recommended an Infectious Disease doctor who worked in the same clinic.  So I got a referral to him, and after listening to my history, told me immediately that he knew what was wrong with me and how to cure me.  Needless to say, I was highly skeptical, but he was insistent that I had Chlamydia Pneumoniae (an airborne bacterium, not an STI) and told me I needed antibiotics.  He did draw blood and had it sent to Vanderbilt University in the Tennessee (I'm in Canada) as they were running a trial at the time.  By the time the sample reached them, they had finished the trial, but still suggested I follow their treatment protocol, which was surprisingly simple, just a broad-spectrum antibiotic called Zithromax.  (There are papers written by their doctors online if anyone wants to pursue this.)  So I was prescribed 250 mg. of this med twice a day for 5 days per month.  I noticed nothing until the 3rd month, when I began to feel a little better and progressively improved with each following month. I took it for 8 months in total, and and the 7th and 8th month, I had minute but sharp muscle pains in nearly every muscle of my body it seemed, which I think was the toxins being released.  After that I felt pretty much normal physically, except for the toll all the exhaustion had taken on me, so I took 5 months leave from work and recuperated.  I've not had any relapse since and I thank God for that doctor!
If anyone wants to discuss further, feel free to PM me.
Best wishes to your husband!

[TheWifeHalf]

 All she could offer in the way of treatment was Amitriptiline (spelling?) for sleep, but it really didn't help.

This is what I've been taking for headaches for 30 years!

[Gray Matter]

You have my sympathy.  It must be so hard to feel like your retirement plans are being derailed and to have significant changes in your partnership at the same time, due to your DH's migraines.  I also sympathize that you can only do so much--it has to be on him to pursue various treatments, comply with them, etc.  And that is hard to do when in chronic pain.

One thing I don't think I saw mentioned that might be worth mentioning to him is neurofeedback--this one (small) study showed that 70% of patients saw a 50% or more reduction in frequency of migraines after 6 months of neurofeedback sessions.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2826281/

My situation is different, but I am facing derailment of our financial plans as well, since my husband is getting laid off at the end of this month (and I quit my job last year to become a full-time grad student).  I keep trying to be grateful that our savings means this is not a catastrophe like it would be for many fellow Americans, or at least it will take a long time of unemployment before it becomes a catastrophe, but this pill still tastes a little bitter as I try to swallow it.

[NorthernBlitz]

I am so sorry this happened to you and your husband! It is awful!

About three years after discovering MMM I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which has some symptom overlap with migraines (headaches, sound/light/scent sensitivity, fatigue, brainfog, etc.). It has been very difficult for my husband and I to mourn our old plans for FI and see all of our money get diverted into trying to treat an illness that has no cure.

My professional and personal life were centered around bicycling and now I don't have the energy to even ride a bicycle. I can't imagine the stress my husband is going through as he has become my caretaker and our sole reliable source of income. As he has had to take on all of the work and responsibility he has also had to watch me fade into chronic illness as I lost my sense of humor, my intelligence, and a great deal of my executive functioning. This sh*t is really rough.

But there is some hope! Since getting sick I became friends with a woman who has chronic migraines and it has been very surprising to me how much overlap there is in symptoms and in treatments. She has better insurance than me and her doctor is also a researcher at the local university. From her I have learned about the strategy of trying to identify and avoid triggers in order to manage symptoms/headaches. Migraine tracking apps can help identify triggers.

Constant low-level exposure to triggers might not cause immediate migraines but it can increase susceptibility to all triggers. My friend's doctors have also helped her with small supportive measures that build up resiliency and reduce susceptibility to migraines. Some of these techniques, like using a sun lamp regularly and practicing mindful breathing, have helped me as well. I also try to make sure that even when I am feeling okay I am not exposing myself to loud sounds, bright lights, or any extraneous stress. I also have had a neurologist prescribe migraine medications for me as the symptoms and responses between the two illnesses are so similar.

I suspect migraines and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome have some shared underlying causes, so I want to share a little bit about what has helped me the most. One thing that was really hard for me to cope with is that these types of chronic illnesses are essentially uncharted medical territory. Doctors do not have a good understanding of the underlying causes and treatment options are not great. There are researchers working on these issues and I think we'll have better treatments eventually but right now it is quite difficult.

I tried to address the uncertainty and lack of research into my illness by focusing on quantifying upside and downside risk for all of my treatment options. For everything, I asked "What's the best possible outcome?" and tried to weigh it against the worst possible outcome to decide if I even wanted to bother trying. The one mainstream Chronic Fatigue Syndrome treatment- Graded Exercise Therapy- is no longer recommended in the US because it hasn't been shown to be effective AND it can make patients worse, so I ended up considering alternative therapies. I was pretty desperate since I was unable to leave my house or work at that point.

As I was looking at treatment options I tried to find ones that:
1. Were based on a plausible theory
2. Were not being pushed mainly by people with a financial stake in the treatment
3. Had limited (or at least predictable) risks and costs
4. Would support better health regardless ("no regrets" strategies)

This approach led me to making sure I was regularly taking B12, DHA, and D3 (I had tested low on D3). It also made me avoid some of the biggest names in alternative Chronic Fatigue Syndrome treatments as the providers were obviously profiting off of risky treatments that take indeterminate amounts of time.

"Pacing" has helped me a lot. It is the official term for avoiding unnecessary effort or exposures to triggers. At first it feels really lazy and awful to avoid work and lay in bed but accepting my limits and allowing myself to rest has helped me to slowly recover. I am now able to do much more than I could when I was constantly pushing myself to the point of crashing.

I was excited to find that a lot of people with chronic illness claim saunas provide temporary relief. I loved saunas before I got sick and in the realm of medical treatment it's a pretty low cost option- for less than $50 I can spend all day at the local Russian spa drinking tea, sitting in a sauna, and cooling off in the salt tub.

I actually found that doing a few rounds in a sauna stopped the typical downward spiral of symptoms and increased sensitivity I normally have after being exposed to a trigger. It was so helpful I bought a membership at a local spa and I use the sauna at least 5 days/week. It's more expensive than buying an infrared sauna for home use but the sauna at the spa is much hotter and I like the cold plunge pool.

I have found a few studies suggesting sauna use helps stimulate the immune system and that it can improve health outcomes, though there does not seem to be a lot of robust research on the topic (at least in English). The studies I have found tend to be from countries where sauna use is traditional, like Finland.

I think the single biggest thing that helped me though was identifying the worst triggers and doing everything possible to avoid them. For me, metal in my body triggers overwhelming headaches, dizziness, and fatigue. I seem to have been sensitized over time by exposure to different metals (piercings and a copper IUD). I first heard about this from a mainstream doctor and I have tested it on myself by getting my IUD removed and taking out my piercings. I have also experimented with different types of metal earrings to see what triggers symptoms, though I haven't figured out a blind test yet.

I want to be clear that pretty much all of the research into the possible connection between severe headaches or migraines and metal is done by either alternative doctors that practice quackery OR the researchers who invented a blood test to detect metal sensitivities. In either case, I don't think the research is very reliable and it is usually dismissed by mainstream doctors. Based on my own experience and what I've read from other patients, I suspect a small percentage of the population does have a metal sensitivity that triggers headaches and it will eventually be identified through research. The research isn't there yet but for me it was easy to remove the metal in my body and see what happened. 

Finally, my biggest trigger is exposure to a few common types of mold. Like metal as a trigger, this is viewed skeptically by most mainstream doctors. However there is research supporting the idea that *some* types of mold can have neurological impacts. There are also lots of people who claim they have experienced headaches and other chronic illnesses while living or working in buildings with water damage. I suspect that at one point research will catch up with these rather consistent and unexplained complaints and find that water damage and some molds trigger severe headaches and chronic illness symptoms in a small percentage of the population.

I first discovered mold as a trigger by accident when I got better after turning off my AC to save money and later found water damage and mold in the HVAC closet. When I found out there were other chronic illness patients that thought there was a connection I decided to test my reaction by spending time in the desert. I recovered almost immediately in Arizona. Unfortunately the headaches, fatigue, and other symptoms came back when I went back to my apartment.

Since coming back from Arizona, my husband and I have thrown away everything we owned except for metal pots and pans and we have moved twice. It has made a huge difference in my health and I am able to work full time for now. I have also discovered that even very low levels of exposure to cigarette smoke can make me quite sick (that was the reason for the second move). This was definitely the most expensive treatment I have pursued but I was able to test it beforehand by leaving my apartment and seeing how I felt. I also liked that there was limited risk to my health- moving is an expensive hassle, but it's not as dangerous as some experimental medications!

The whole experience has left me feeling mentally unstable as I would much rather listen to my doctors than what I feel (I know how susceptible people are to suggestion and placebos). On the other hand, less than a year ago it was a big deal if I sat up for 10 minutes straight or had a few hours without a headache. Even if all of this has been an elaborate placebo, it has been pretty effective.

I am sorry for writing a novel about my problems! I hope that some of it can help you and your husband.

TLDR: I hope that your husband is able to effectively explore possible triggers, including environmental triggers that are not well understood at this point. For me the key to recovery has been identifying triggers and learning to avoid exposure and/or deal with exposures. I hope that you are both able to find some relief as chronic illness is awful.

It's funny because I was also going to chime in saying that regular sauna use might help.

Even if it doesn't help with migraines (i.e. provide stress relief), there are studies showing reduction in all cause mortality for men from ~40 - ~70

Even if there are not physical benefits, it does seem to reduce stress (almost meditative).

Here's a few links to Dr. Rhonda Patrick on Saunas and their benefits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWKBsh7YTXQ

https://www.foundmyfitness.com/episodes/jari-laukkanen

https://www.foundmyfitness.com/episodes/biohacker-summit-2016

None of this seems specific to migraines, but it seems like a low cost intervention (i.e. a YMCA membership?) that has many benefits for health.

[MrGreen]

As the spouse not suffering the symptom, but doing the planning, I can imagine how feeling like many years of hard work going down the drain would be extremely frustrating. Shortly after FIREing in 2017 I developed back pain that started to affect most of my days. I had already been dealing with a recurring knee injury that affected my ability to be active. I couldn't sit at a table comfortably for 90 minutes to play a game with friends and I slept on the floor for months. That back pain persisted into  2018 and I felt like our FIRE plans to travel were circling the drain. Sitting in a car for more than two hours was uncomfortable. We'd been trying to start a family and now I didn't want a kid because most days it was a dice roll as to whether I would feel well for the entire day. How could I want to add a kid to that? Was it going to get worse?

In the end it was all muscle weakness. I had worked at a desk so I wasn't very strong to begin with. My knee injury meant no more gym and less activity so over a period of years my core muscles got weaker to the point where I started having pain and discomfort. It was just one big downward spiral. One day I looked up physical therapy exercises for back pain and decided I would start doing them. I kept at it and the discomfort started to lessen. A month later it was mostly gone. I started exercising to do additional strengthening. I'm now over two months pain free.

This whole episode made me realize how worthless FIRE is without your health. At 34, mentally I still felt semi-invincible so this was a total shock to my system. I probably would have been depressed if I wasn't so pissed off.

I don't think I really have much advice but being on the other side of my pain I understand more than ever how precious our health is, and how quickly good times can become bad. Before I realized I could fix it, the only thing I wanted was some assurance of pain free days. Nothing else mattered. Not FIRE, not kids, not travel, none of it.. I imagine your husband probably feels the same way. My wife had migraines when we we're dating so I know just how dibilitating they can be.

In our case I was the planner, which is why I was so pissed, watching years of saving and planning feel like it was for nothing. I can empathize with your frustration. I can only say to try and focus on what your do have, because you don't know when something more can be taken away from you.

[NorthernBlitz]

As the spouse not suffering the symptom, but doing the planning, I can imagine how feeling like many years of hard work going down the drain would be extremely frustrating. Shortly after FIREing in 2017 I developed back pain that started to affect most of my days. I had already been dealing with a recurring knee injury that affected my ability to be active. I couldn't sit at a table comfortably for 90 minutes to play a game with friends and I slept on the floor for months. That back pain persisted into  2018 and I felt like our FIRE plans to travel were circling the drain. Sitting in a car for more than two hours was uncomfortable. We'd been trying to start a family and now I didn't want a kid because most days it was a dice roll as to whether I would feel well for the entire day. How could I want to add a kid to that? Was it going to get worse?

In the end it was all muscle weakness. I had worked at a desk so I wasn't very strong to begin with. My knee injury meant no more gym and less activity so over a period of years my core muscles got weaker to the point where I started having pain and discomfort. It was just one big downward spiral. One day I looked up physical therapy exercises for back pain and decided I would start doing them. I kept at it and the discomfort started to lessen. A month later it was mostly gone. I started exercising to do additional strengthening. I'm now over two months pain free.

This whole episode made me realize how worthless FIRE is without your health. At 34, mentally I still felt semi-invincible so this was a total shock to my system. I probably would have been depressed if I wasn't so pissed off.

I don't think I really have much advice but being on the other side of my pain I understand more than ever how precious our health is, and how quickly good times can become bad. Before I realized I could fix it, the only thing I wanted was some assurance of pain free days. Nothing else mattered. Not FIRE, not kids, not travel, none of it.. I imagine your husband probably feels the same way. My wife had migraines when we we're dating so I know just how dibilitating they can be.

In our case I was the planner, which is why I was so pissed, watching years of saving and planning feel like it was for nothing. I can empathize with your frustration. I can only say to try and focus on what your do have, because you don't know when something more can be taken away from you.

Sounds like your back is good now, but I wanted to leave this here from my own experience with crazy back pain (also probably caused by sitting at a desk all day hunched over a computer).

I was listening to "Coach Sommers" (former US gymnastics coach) on Tim Ferriss.

https://tim.blog/2016/05/09/the-secrets-of-gymnastic-strength-training/

After doing that, did J-Curls (and then weighted J-Curls) for about 10 days and all my pain went away. I went from not being able to sleep to being perfectly fine from like 3 minutes / day of stretching. I didn't buy any of their stuff. Just one stretch 5 - 10 times / day for 10 days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU3aUwgkTjY

I just do it on the floor (not elevated like this). I can touch the floor, but for my back it's the middle of the motion that helps (the end is more of a hamstring stretch). I don't know for sure, but I think that coming back up helps me more than going down. Doing it with weights (I used 2 10 lbs dumb bells) seemed to help, but I only started that after ~5 days of no load.

[wenchsenior]

As the spouse not suffering the symptom, but doing the planning, I can imagine how feeling like many years of hard work going down the drain would be extremely frustrating. Shortly after FIREing in 2017 I developed back pain that started to affect most of my days. I had already been dealing with a recurring knee injury that affected my ability to be active. I couldn't sit at a table comfortably for 90 minutes to play a game with friends and I slept on the floor for months. That back pain persisted into  2018 and I felt like our FIRE plans to travel were circling the drain. Sitting in a car for more than two hours was uncomfortable. We'd been trying to start a family and now I didn't want a kid because most days it was a dice roll as to whether I would feel well for the entire day. How could I want to add a kid to that? Was it going to get worse?

In the end it was all muscle weakness. I had worked at a desk so I wasn't very strong to begin with. My knee injury meant no more gym and less activity so over a period of years my core muscles got weaker to the point where I started having pain and discomfort. It was just one big downward spiral. One day I looked up physical therapy exercises for back pain and decided I would start doing them. I kept at it and the discomfort started to lessen. A month later it was mostly gone. I started exercising to do additional strengthening. I'm now over two months pain free.

This whole episode made me realize how worthless FIRE is without your health. At 34, mentally I still felt semi-invincible so this was a total shock to my system. I probably would have been depressed if I wasn't so pissed off.

I don't think I really have much advice but being on the other side of my pain I understand more than ever how precious our health is, and how quickly good times can become bad. Before I realized I could fix it, the only thing I wanted was some assurance of pain free days. Nothing else mattered. Not FIRE, not kids, not travel, none of it.. I imagine your husband probably feels the same way. My wife had migraines when we we're dating so I know just how dibilitating they can be.

In our case I was the planner, which is why I was so pissed, watching years of saving and planning feel like it was for nothing. I can empathize with your frustration. I can only say to try and focus on what your do have, because you don't know when something more can be taken away from you.

Sounds like your back is good now, but I wanted to leave this here from my own experience with crazy back pain (also probably caused by sitting at a desk all day hunched over a computer).

I was listening to "Coach Sommers" (former US gymnastics coach) on Tim Ferriss.

https://tim.blog/2016/05/09/the-secrets-of-gymnastic-strength-training/

After doing that, did J-Curls (and then weighted J-Curls) for about 10 days and all my pain went away. I went from not being able to sleep to being perfectly fine from like 3 minutes / day of stretching. I didn't buy any of their stuff. Just one stretch 5 - 10 times / day for 10 days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU3aUwgkTjY

I just do it on the floor (not elevated like this). I can touch the floor, but for my back it's the middle of the motion that helps (the end is more of a hamstring stretch). I don't know for sure, but I think that coming back up helps me more than going down. Doing it with weights (I used 2 10 lbs dumb bells) seemed to help, but I only started that after ~5 days of no load.

I'm TOTALLY going to start doing these.  In fact, I'm going to do some right now.  My whole back down to and including my glutes are almost complete inactive and weak, even after a year of swimming (which doesn't really activate most of my back muscles, even in the backstroke).  I've been focusing particularly on glutes, but this is going on my regular exercise routine.

Thanks!

[NorthernBlitz]

As the spouse not suffering the symptom, but doing the planning, I can imagine how feeling like many years of hard work going down the drain would be extremely frustrating. Shortly after FIREing in 2017 I developed back pain that started to affect most of my days. I had already been dealing with a recurring knee injury that affected my ability to be active. I couldn't sit at a table comfortably for 90 minutes to play a game with friends and I slept on the floor for months. That back pain persisted into  2018 and I felt like our FIRE plans to travel were circling the drain. Sitting in a car for more than two hours was uncomfortable. We'd been trying to start a family and now I didn't want a kid because most days it was a dice roll as to whether I would feel well for the entire day. How could I want to add a kid to that? Was it going to get worse?

In the end it was all muscle weakness. I had worked at a desk so I wasn't very strong to begin with. My knee injury meant no more gym and less activity so over a period of years my core muscles got weaker to the point where I started having pain and discomfort. It was just one big downward spiral. One day I looked up physical therapy exercises for back pain and decided I would start doing them. I kept at it and the discomfort started to lessen. A month later it was mostly gone. I started exercising to do additional strengthening. I'm now over two months pain free.

This whole episode made me realize how worthless FIRE is without your health. At 34, mentally I still felt semi-invincible so this was a total shock to my system. I probably would have been depressed if I wasn't so pissed off.

I don't think I really have much advice but being on the other side of my pain I understand more than ever how precious our health is, and how quickly good times can become bad. Before I realized I could fix it, the only thing I wanted was some assurance of pain free days. Nothing else mattered. Not FIRE, not kids, not travel, none of it.. I imagine your husband probably feels the same way. My wife had migraines when we we're dating so I know just how dibilitating they can be.

In our case I was the planner, which is why I was so pissed, watching years of saving and planning feel like it was for nothing. I can empathize with your frustration. I can only say to try and focus on what your do have, because you don't know when something more can be taken away from you.

Sounds like your back is good now, but I wanted to leave this here from my own experience with crazy back pain (also probably caused by sitting at a desk all day hunched over a computer).

I was listening to "Coach Sommers" (former US gymnastics coach) on Tim Ferriss.

https://tim.blog/2016/05/09/the-secrets-of-gymnastic-strength-training/

After doing that, did J-Curls (and then weighted J-Curls) for about 10 days and all my pain went away. I went from not being able to sleep to being perfectly fine from like 3 minutes / day of stretching. I didn't buy any of their stuff. Just one stretch 5 - 10 times / day for 10 days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU3aUwgkTjY

I just do it on the floor (not elevated like this). I can touch the floor, but for my back it's the middle of the motion that helps (the end is more of a hamstring stretch). I don't know for sure, but I think that coming back up helps me more than going down. Doing it with weights (I used 2 10 lbs dumb bells) seemed to help, but I only started that after ~5 days of no load.

I'm TOTALLY going to start doing these.  In fact, I'm going to do some right now.  My whole back down to and including my glutes are almost complete inactive and weak, even after a year of swimming (which doesn't really activate most of my back muscles, even in the backstroke).  I've been focusing particularly on glutes, but this is going on my regular exercise routine.

Thanks!

Nice. I hope that it works for you as well as it did for me!

[ChpBstrd]

One radical option is relocation. There are countries like Portugal with universal healthcare and lower living expenses where your existing stache might go a lot further. Imagine getting to see a doctor on a reasonable timeframe and getting more than 5 minutes of their time! Also, a change in the weather/pollen/pollution patterns could help the headaches. This would take some adjustment, but it might beat a lifetime working to throw money down the hole that is America's dysfunctional healthcare system. As Churchill might have said, NEVER GIVE UP.

[CSuzette]

58 years of almost constant migraines. I have tried every diet and food avoidance program. MRT testing can help.   Vegan diet can help as aged proteins found in meat, fish and cheese can be triggers.  Mine are much less severe and do not last as long on vegan diet. But they are not gone. You can try low histamine diet. Helps. Supplements do not really help and I have tried all of them. My next plan is to try fasting. Read Dr. Fuhrman’s  book on fasting and give it a try.  I am going to try 3 days. I stay away from migraine drugs after taking Cafergot in the 1980 s. I will take Excerin Migraine when required. 😬

[NorthernBlitz]

Not sure if it would help with migraines, but we've used curcumin (from tumeric) with my daughter who has intestinal polyps (thankfully juvenile polyps which are non-cancerous). It has anti-inflammatory properties and has also been linked to pain relief.

We started using it because it had been linked with reduction and elimination of intestinal polyps in people with stage 3 colon cancer [some refs below]. She's only had 1 colonoscopy since we started giving her curcumin, but there were no new polyps and no significant growth in the one they couldn't extract last time.

2008, Sa & Das, "Review: Anti cancer Effects of curcumin: cycle of life and Death", Cell Division, 3(14)
2013, Gupta, Patchva, Aggarwal, "Theraputic Roles of Curcumin: Lessons Learned from Clinical Trials", AAPS Journal

The type of curcumin we use is listed below. We chose this product because it is micellar which has been found to be 10x more bioavailable than other forms [ref: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1756464615000493].

https://www.amazon.com/PuraTHRIVE-Turmeric-Supplement-Absorption-Liposomal/dp/B01AC59OH2/ref=sr_1_7_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1525801196&sr=8-7&keywords=PuraTHRIVE+Liposomal


I found this for migraines, but it doesn't seem scientific (i.e. more marketing).
https://www.turmericforhealth.com/turmeric-benefits/turmeric-benefits-for-migraine

Still, there seem to be several general health benefits to curcumin (see transcript of interview with Dr. Rhonda Patrick below). Low risk compound, but it does thin the blood, so we took my daughter off it 2 weeks before surgery to avoid complications.

https://tim.blog/2017/05/25/transcript-dr-rhonda-patrick-on-exploring-smart-drugs-fasting-and-fat-loss/