Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)

[fuzzy math]

Now I want a Vietnamese iced coffee, or one of their very orange-hued milk teas. Haven’t had one in a very long time. They’re so delicious! My thinking is always, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” No point getting mad that the local doesn’t know how to make a regular coffee, because what is defined as being “regular” depends on the culture you’re in. To them, they are making you a regular coffee — you’re the one who wants a weird coffee that may taste disgusting to them.

If you meant me, I didn’t get mad. It just took me a while to figure out what I needed to order to get good coffee and avoid all the sugar. Vietnam was actually, the country with the best coffee of those countries that I visited. Vietnam is  the second largest coffee producer in the world so they know how to make coffee. In US, outside of Hawaii, you have to add some doses of espresso to get the taste of coffee.

Where were you buying coffee in the US? if it was at an actual coffee shop (not a gas station, not someone serving you Folgers), our coffees are generally reasonably strong. The difference here is we brew what we call a drip coffee, and its meant to be 8 - 16 oz of pure black coffee. If you're going to a chain and ordering a latte its going to be quite weak in comparison. But in Europe a drip coffee is generally closest to being an Americano and they don't even like to make those more than 8 oz or so. Here in America a 16 oz Americano would have 2-3 shots of espresso in it. I'm thinking its in whatever you ordered, not knowing the differences in serving styles.  I had weaker coffee in Spain than I generally find in the US, they tend to serve coffee that's half coffee half milk if you ask for it to be creamed. Vietnamese coffee is ground and brewed like Turkish coffee, its quite strong.

[dragoncar]

Sometimes there’s logic to low AC and sometimes not. 

You already touched on maids turning down the AC.  They are physically working hard so they get hot.  When your body temp is elevated, you cool off faster with a lower room temperature.  The same can be said of restaurants and coffee shops: slaving over a stove or steamer does make you hotter.  If the cooks have any control over the thermostat then they will be more comfortable with a lower set point.  Waiters also are moving  around a lot so they also like it cooler.

Likewise when it’s really hot/humid out it feels really refreshing to step into a cold store.  They want as many people to walk into their store as possible, some even going so far as to leave their front doors open so people can feel and be enticed by the ridiculous AC. 

But it’s only refreshing until your body temp returns to normal.  Then you feel cold (every woman I know wears a jacket/sweater to the movie theater even when outside temps are blazing)

That’s the rationale that has some basis in reason, even if it’s faulty or wasteful

Then you have the people who think a lower set point  will cool the room faster, which is generally untrue without a multistage system of some kind.... and even a good multistage system doesn’t need to be “tricked”

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

[LennStar]

If someone at my house asks for cream and sugar they are probably getting milk.  Honestly most people aren't going to notice the difference and I’m not buying a pint of half and half or cream so some rando can splash a bit in their coffee. 

If you want to be ready for any occasion, though, I highly recommend the shelf stable whipping cream from Trader Joe’s.  It works for coffee or if you need an impromptu whipped cream (although it’s better chilled first). 

But yeah, ask them if milk is ok.  Find out what kind of people they are pretty quickly

I am a tap water person. I don't even really know how to make coffee. Also I don't drink alcohol, because my brain is the only thing in my body that works above average. I am also not interested in sports, cars, Hollywood movies or celebrities.

I am also that kind of person very used to getting strange looks. ;)

Starbucks customers seem to be young women who don't actually like the taste of coffee but want to be seen carrying "cool" coffee.

Yes, you are totally correct. Concept and marketing wise Starbucks is not about coffee, it is about being able to show that you can afford having something slightly different that is extra expensive. Status symbol. That is also the secondary use of writing your name on a cup (besides making you feel special, I am told).

The only exception I've ever seen was the "Starbucks" in Lukla Nepal that was pretty clearly not affiliated with the chain. It was a very nice place with good coffee though.

Yes, definitely not affiliated LOL!

The cleaners in some hotels also likes to turn down the ac to freezing

They probably base it on their temp feeling, and if you clean you are working hard - 16 to 18C is the right temp for that. In my company the office ladies (who walk around at least) always make fun of the sauna of the programmers (who only move their fingers).

[Weisass]

Starbucks customers seem to be young women who don't actually like the taste of coffee but want to be seen carrying "cool" coffee.

As a younger woman, the only reason I go to Starbucks is because people keep giving me gift cards to there. Because it’s easier than a gift card to a local shop that is actually good.

[GreenSheep]

I never thought of Starbucks as a status symbol! Maybe that's more the case outside of the US? To me, it's a fast food chain that happens to serve a lot of coffee. When I do go there, which is infrequent, I give them a fake name rather than try to teach them to pronounce and spell my real name. So the name on the cup means nothing because it's not even me. Here, coffee at mom and pop coffee shops costs about as much as Starbucks, so there's no "benefit" (status-wise) to one over the other.

[Sibley]

Sometimes there’s logic to low AC and sometimes not. 

You already touched on maids turning down the AC.  They are physically working hard so they get hot.  When your body temp is elevated, you cool off faster with a lower room temperature.  The same can be said of restaurants and coffee shops: slaving over a stove or steamer does make you hotter.  If the cooks have any control over the thermostat then they will be more comfortable with a lower set point.  Waiters also are moving  around a lot so they also like it cooler.

Likewise when it’s really hot/humid out it feels really refreshing to step into a cold store.  They want as many people to walk into their store as possible, some even going so far as to leave their front doors open so people can feel and be enticed by the ridiculous AC. 

But it’s only refreshing until your body temp returns to normal.  Then you feel cold (every woman I know wears a jacket/sweater to the movie theater even when outside temps are blazing)

That’s the rationale that has some basis in reason, even if it’s faulty or wasteful

Then you have the people who think a lower set point  will cool the room faster, which is generally untrue without a multistage system of some kind.... and even a good multistage system doesn’t need to be “tricked”

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

All this, plus the office specific issues....

Culturally in the US at least, men are wearing long pants and often long sleeves in the office, and those materials are traditionally wool and heavy cotton. Since men also tend to run warmer (generalization), that means they're hot. Women on the other hand wear skirts/dresses/short sleeves, with much lighter weight materials, and also tend to run cooler (generalization), that means they're cold. Basically, our cultural clothing expectations is completely screwed up from biology. Men should be wearing shorts and short sleeve shirts all summer, even in the office. That wouldn't completely fix the temperature discrepancy, but it would help.

Also, the "standard" indoor temperature in office buildings was basically designed for men. Who are wearing wayyyy too much clothing in the summer. So A/C is set to 72, which keeps the men comfortable but turns the women into icicles.

Women who are going through menopause will often have hot flashes and thus switch to running warmer, regardless of what they did previously. Same with pregnant women. So they like the 72 temps. However, while I'm sympathetic (and will be one of them in the future), this is an individual issue and the preferences of the individual should not inconvenience the group. Adjust clothing materials and styles, get a fan, etc.

And yes, we have a ridiculous number of overweight and obese people in the US. The extra fat they're carrying is literally acting as insulation so they're hot.

The A/C should be set to 75, and tell everyone who's uncomfortable to adjust. And for those who think 75 is way too warm, it's a nice balancing point between the 72 you want and the 78 I want. So I'll still be cold. I just won't be an icicle. We're both unhappy, that means it's a good compromise.

[Jenny Wren]

According to a former barista friend when I once complained about this very thing, the reason for the cold temperature is two fold -- 1) cold people drink hot coffee faster and therefore order more. 2) Cold people are less prone to camp out and work and if they do, see point 1. Number 2 has something to do with Starbucks tried to limit the use of their shops as work stations a decade or so ago by imposing minimum orders in certain locations, and the blow back was severe, so they use thermostat warfare instead.

I'll post a mustachian problem to stay on subject - I'm not a fan of wasting money on coffee-flavored sugar, plus pandemic, so this last year I found a perfect little covered picnic table to take my laptop to work outside. There are several tables available, but this one is perfect. I can see the ocean and there is a wifi hotspot from my internet provider coming off of a nearby hotel. I went all winter on sunny-ish days, and would bundle up and bring a thermos of coffee to work.

Now that the weather is getting nice, others have discovered my perfect spot and they bring their expensive Starbucks sugar drinks to sit and stare at their phones. It's (almost) annoying enough to drive one to working in a coffee shop, but patience usually ends with me getting my table back.

[Plina]

Sometimes there’s logic to low AC and sometimes not. 

You already touched on maids turning down the AC.  They are physically working hard so they get hot.  When your body temp is elevated, you cool off faster with a lower room temperature.  The same can be said of restaurants and coffee shops: slaving over a stove or steamer does make you hotter.  If the cooks have any control over the thermostat then they will be more comfortable with a lower set point.  Waiters also are moving  around a lot so they also like it cooler.

Likewise when it’s really hot/humid out it feels really refreshing to step into a cold store.  They want as many people to walk into their store as possible, some even going so far as to leave their front doors open so people can feel and be enticed by the ridiculous AC. 

But it’s only refreshing until your body temp returns to normal.  Then you feel cold (every woman I know wears a jacket/sweater to the movie theater even when outside temps are blazing)

That’s the rationale that has some basis in reason, even if it’s faulty or wasteful

Then you have the people who think a lower set point  will cool the room faster, which is generally untrue without a multistage system of some kind.... and even a good multistage system doesn’t need to be “tricked”

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

All this, plus the office specific issues....

Culturally in the US at least, men are wearing long pants and often long sleeves in the office, and those materials are traditionally wool and heavy cotton. Since men also tend to run warmer (generalization), that means they're hot. Women on the other hand wear skirts/dresses/short sleeves, with much lighter weight materials, and also tend to run cooler (generalization), that means they're cold.

The A/C should be set to 75, and tell everyone who's uncomfortable to adjust. And for those who think 75 is way too warm, it's a nice balancing point between the 72 you want and the 78 I want. So I'll still be cold. I just won't be an icicle. We're both unhappy, that means it's a good compromise.

I totally agree with you about the temperature. I grew up with 78 indoors due to Wood furnace and basically everything under is in my world freezing. I actually wear more clothing to the office then at home were I normally have higher temperatures in summer due to lack of ac. Because I grew up in north I always get crap about being frozen.

Regarding maids turning down the ac, I can understand doing that while working but why can’t they turn it up again when they are done. And basically, in most cases they are not there long enough to benefit from the freezing temperatures.

@fuzzy math Probably Starbucks or some other coffee shop, at least not gas stations. It was a while ago. US seems to have weaker coffee then northern Europe at least if you buy whatever the regular coffee is called, with the exception of Hawaii. Or at least that have been my experience from the East coast and Florida.

[dragoncar]

Also I don't drink alcohol, because my brain is the only thing in my body that works above average.

Ah, I’m like wicked smaht so the only way I can relate to average humans is to drink heavily

[SwordGuy]

Also I don't drink alcohol, because my brain is the only thing in my body that works above average.

Ah, I’m like wicked smaht so the only way I can relate to average humans is to drink heavily

I don't think I'm particularly smart but I read a lot, I practice what I'm interested in or paid to do so I get better at it, and I actively think about ways to do those tasks faster, cheaper, more easily and at a better quality level, and I do my best to cross-pollinate my thinking with knowledge on a wide variety of subjects.

It's not hard to seem way smarter than lots of folks when they aren't even trying or are doing the bare minimum.

[ixtap]

Also I don't drink alcohol, because my brain is the only thing in my body that works above average.

Ah, I’m like wicked smaht so the only way I can relate to average humans is to drink heavily

I don't think I'm particularly smart but I read a lot, I practice what I'm interested in or paid to do so I get better at it, and I actively think about ways to do those tasks faster, cheaper, more easily and at a better quality level, and I do my best to cross-pollinate my thinking with knowledge on a wide variety of subjects.

It's not hard to seem way smarter than lots of folks when they aren't even trying or are doing the bare minimum.

I was just chatting with someone and pointed out that while people are often impressed with my knowledge on a particular subject, it boils down to three factors:
-google/library
-practice
-I actually have sooooo much left to learn, I just keep at it

[TomTX]

My MPP: we are 9 years into a 15 year mortgage, and our interest rate is only 3%, so we are paying very little in interest. Nevertheless, when we got a letter from our mortgage company, offering 2.5%, I figured it was worth a look. I mean, we owe about $100k, and $500/year savings is $500/year, right?

Sadly, the closing costs would have been around $4000, so we passed.   Silly us, being all responsible and paying off debt... :P

Look into a HEL or HELOC, and cast a wider net. They are typically $0 closing costs.

I'm saving $600/year for the next 29 years for making a ~20 minute phone call to my CU (could have been 5 minutes, but I wanted to discuss options) - and then 5 minutes with Docusign. They dropped my rates to match current ones. No cost.

Less than half an hour of effort, dropped my required stash size by $15,000 per the 4% rule.

[Imma]

I never thought of Starbucks as a status symbol! Maybe that's more the case outside of the US? To me, it's a fast food chain that happens to serve a lot of coffee. When I do go there, which is infrequent, I give them a fake name rather than try to teach them to pronounce and spell my real name. So the name on the cup means nothing because it's not even me. Here, coffee at mom and pop coffee shops costs about as much as Starbucks, so there's no "benefit" (status-wise) to one over the other.

Yes, could well be because we're in the EU. We love American things. Starbucks is the only chain of it's kind in my country, it's American, American celebrities are pictured going there, and people who don't actually like coffee can still order everything on the menu. In and around Starbucks you can always see girls trying to get the best picture of the name on their cup to post on Insta. People collect those Starbucks mugs from all their holiday destinations. Taco Bell opened it's first restaurant in my country a couple of years back and everyone was instantly obsessed with Taco Bell, even though there's an actual authentic Mexican takeaway restaurant around the corner of Taco Bell in the same price category, and all their food is fresh and delicious. 

We have lots of coffee shops but they look more like the "mom and pop" stores, even the ones that are actually chains, like Coffee Fellows, they try to make their shop look cosy and most of them cater to coffee lovers. They leave most of the sugary drinks to Starbucks and it's copycats.

[halftimer]

Sometimes there’s logic to low AC and sometimes not. 

You already touched on maids turning down the AC.  They are physically working hard so they get hot.  When your body temp is elevated, you cool off faster with a lower room temperature.  The same can be said of restaurants and coffee shops: slaving over a stove or steamer does make you hotter.  If the cooks have any control over the thermostat then they will be more comfortable with a lower set point. 

Culturally in the US at least, men are wearing long pants and often long sleeves in the office, and those materials are traditionally wool and heavy cotton.

Regarding maids turning down the ac, I can understand doing that while working but why can’t they turn it up again when they are done. And basically, in most cases they are not there long enough to benefit from the freezing temperatures.

Chiming in on the AC in hotels question, because I did a brief stint doing hospitality and I had some family who worked in the hotel business for a while. So, it may vary by location or by the chain, but often the housekeeper is turning on the AC as the last thing before they leave the room, just before turning off the lights. It's part of resetting the room to the hotel standard and has nothing to do with their own working comfort. I actually wouldn't be surprised if there was a policy against them turning it on too soon for their own use in some places since that would cost a fraction more in energy use. So we are back to the hotel standard being based on the working salaryman's attire being a wool suit with jacket and tie.

My mustachian problem - I have optimized my coupon and rebate game to a point where it brought up a dilemma this week. I bought new glasses online, and by habit applied the coupon code, and then saved more by going through Rakuten for a small rebate. Then, I immediately logged the insurance claim for the purchase which is fully covered. The dilemma is that I realized that my receipt shows the price minus coupon discount, but the rebate doesn't clear until I reach a minimum redemption level sometimes months later (I'm not shopping much). Am I defrauding the insurance company by claiming the price I paid? Since I will technically get another $6 back at some future undetermined time?
I could have avoided the current overthinking if I just controlled my impulse to get the maximum savings when I bought it (it's not even my money!).

I did something similar at work a few weeks ago, searching to find our corporate rental car discount for too long before realizing that the full rental car cost is covered in the client contract so saving a few dollars will not benefit the company at all, and the full price has already been budgeted for by the client. Frugal habits die hard.

[TomTX]

Am I defrauding the insurance company by claiming the price I paid? Since I will technically get another $6 back at some future undetermined time?

Insurance company never seems to mind that I use a cash back credit card.

[halftimer]

Am I defrauding the insurance company by claiming the price I paid? Since I will technically get another $6 back at some future undetermined time?

Insurance company never seems to mind that I use a cash back credit card.

Good comparison. It would be difficult to separate that out, it's more like a bonus from the credit card (or coupon app) and not part of the initial transaction.

[Ladychips]

Here's my MPP...I'm retiring July 1 (that's not the problem!). I just booked a trip that I'm super excited about.  I don't have anyone to tell because everyone I know who would be excited about this particular trip (it's a trip around a hobby/passion) is still working and couldn't go on a trip like this either because of the cost or the time off necessary.

So, I tell my MMM friends.  I've booked an event that I've wanted to do for years but I couldn't because of the cost and time off (I could have but it would have required sacrifices I wasn't willing to make).  I am SUPER DUPER excited. And I know you are all happy for me and don't begrudge me the money or the time.  Thanks MMM friends!

[SwordGuy]

Here's my MPP...I'm retiring July 1 (that's not the problem!). I just booked a trip that I'm super excited about.  I don't have anyone to tell because everyone I know who would be excited about this particular trip (it's a trip around a hobby/passion) is still working and couldn't go on a trip like this either because of the cost or the time off necessary.

So, I tell my MMM friends.  I've booked an event that I've wanted to do for years but I couldn't because of the cost and time off (I could have but it would have required sacrifices I wasn't willing to make).  I am SUPER DUPER excited. And I know you are all happy for me and don't begrudge me the money or the time.  Thanks MMM friends!

I love the experience of Freedom in the morning.  It feels like... Victory!

I'm glad you're getting to do your really cool hobby trip!

[RetiredAt63]

Here's my MPP...I'm retiring July 1 (that's not the problem!). I just booked a trip that I'm super excited about.  I don't have anyone to tell because everyone I know who would be excited about this particular trip (it's a trip around a hobby/passion) is still working and couldn't go on a trip like this either because of the cost or the time off necessary.

So, I tell my MMM friends.  I've booked an event that I've wanted to do for years but I couldn't because of the cost and time off (I could have but it would have required sacrifices I wasn't willing to make).  I am SUPER DUPER excited. And I know you are all happy for me and don't begrudge me the money or the time.  Thanks MMM friends!

We understand!

I went to a workshop related to my hobby that I could not have gone to if I had not been in the location (New Zealand, I live in Canada, so very long distance), and I would not have been in the location if I hadn't had the free time retirement brings.

[Imma]

Here's my MPP...I'm retiring July 1 (that's not the problem!). I just booked a trip that I'm super excited about.  I don't have anyone to tell because everyone I know who would be excited about this particular trip (it's a trip around a hobby/passion) is still working and couldn't go on a trip like this either because of the cost or the time off necessary.

So, I tell my MMM friends.  I've booked an event that I've wanted to do for years but I couldn't because of the cost and time off (I could have but it would have required sacrifices I wasn't willing to make).  I am SUPER DUPER excited. And I know you are all happy for me and don't begrudge me the money or the time.  Thanks MMM friends!

Congratulations!! I know what you mean. There's a 4-week course in the UK that I would LOVE to do. I hope to be able to take at least a month off in 2023 to make that dream come true. I already know people will think I'm crazy but who cares!

[crocheted_stache]

Visited my parents over the weekend. They still hand me money.

MIL wants to help her youngest child buy a house, which is lovely. Trouble is, she thinks it's only fair to give her other children the same amount. We've been mustachian on dual HCOLA professional salaries since before this blog existed, and stand to fatFIRE pretty much any time. (OMY because reasons.)

We're trying to figure out how to persuade her that we'd rather "our" share go directly to her grandkids.

[SwordGuy]

Visited my parents over the weekend. They still hand me money.

MIL wants to help her youngest child buy a house, which is lovely. Trouble is, she thinks it's only fair to give her other children the same amount. We've been mustachian on dual HCOLA professional salaries since before this blog existed, and stand to fatFIRE pretty much any time. (OMY because reasons.)

We're trying to figure out how to persuade her that we'd rather "our" share go directly to her grandkids.

Don't bother.  Say "Thank you so much!" and then set up accounts for the grandkids and put the money in them.

[AMandM]

So apparently the stealth side of our stealth wealth is very successful. My neighbour has twice informed me of the city's food pantry giveaways in a local park.

[crocheted_stache]

Visited my parents over the weekend. They still hand me money.

MIL wants to help her youngest child buy a house, which is lovely. Trouble is, she thinks it's only fair to give her other children the same amount. We've been mustachian on dual HCOLA professional salaries since before this blog existed, and stand to fatFIRE pretty much any time. (OMY because reasons.)

We're trying to figure out how to persuade her that we'd rather "our" share go directly to her grandkids.

Don't bother.  Say "Thank you so much!" and then set up accounts for the grandkids and put the money in them.

Except we're in the US and MIL, other siblings, grandkids aren't. We'll probably go with "It would mess up our taxes," which is at least partially true. We could cope, of course, but it would be much easier if the money skipped a generation, at least our branch of it, and it would give MIL something to do.

She retired to an empty nest at around the usual retirement age and has been climbing walls without N children around to cook for and worry about. Then the pandemic resulted in seeing everyone even less.

These are still MPPs you're helping to "solve."

[SwordGuy]

Visited my parents over the weekend. They still hand me money.

MIL wants to help her youngest child buy a house, which is lovely. Trouble is, she thinks it's only fair to give her other children the same amount. We've been mustachian on dual HCOLA professional salaries since before this blog existed, and stand to fatFIRE pretty much any time. (OMY because reasons.)

We're trying to figure out how to persuade her that we'd rather "our" share go directly to her grandkids.

Don't bother.  Say "Thank you so much!" and then set up accounts for the grandkids and put the money in them.

Except we're in the US and MIL, other siblings, grandkids aren't. We'll probably go with "It would mess up our taxes," which is at least partially true. We could cope, of course, but it would be much easier if the money skipped a generation, at least our branch of it, and it would give MIL something to do.

She retired to an empty nest at around the usual retirement age and has been climbing walls without N children around to cook for and worry about. Then the pandemic resulted in seeing everyone even less.

These are still MPPs you're helping to "solve."

There's an annual gift limit where you don't have to pay taxes.   In the US for 2021, it's $15,000 per donor per recipient per year.

So, let's say there's you and your spouse and 2 kids.   MIL can give each of the 4 of you $15,000 tax free this year.   That's $60,000.    You and our spouse can then turn around and give $15,000 to your kids tax free.   Now the two kids have $30,000 each and no taxes are due.

But if MIL has a spouse, that spouse can ALSO give all four of you $15,000 each.    Now you and your spouse have $15,000 each tax free, which you can give to your kids in 2022 tax free.   And the kids have $45,000 each already.

If we're talking about bigger numbers just spread it out over a few years.   If you simply can't wait that long for the money (???) then deal with the taxes over the taxable gift amount.   But don't expect sympathy from anyone who isn't rich when you're being given so much money that you simply HAVE to pay taxes on some of it.  :)

[shuffler]

There's an annual gift limit where you don't have to pay taxes.   In the US for 2021, it's $15,000 per donor per recipient per year.

...

If we're talking about bigger numbers just spread it out over a few years.   If you simply can't wait that long for the money (???) then deal with the taxes over the taxable gift amount.   But don't expect sympathy from anyone who isn't rich when you're being given so much money that you simply HAVE to pay taxes on some of it.  :)

The annual gift exclusion of $15,000 is the limit below which you don't even have to report the gift to the IRS.

If you exceed the $15,000 limit, then you do have to report it to the IRS, but in all probability you still won't owe any tax on it because the lifetime exemption is $11.58MM (per person, so effectively double for couples).  You won't owe any gift tax until the yearly amounts that exceed $15,000 eventually sum up to more than $11.58MM.

ETA, an example:

For example, if you give your brother $50,000 this year, you’ll use up your $15,000 annual exclusion. The bad news is that you’ll need to file a gift tax return, but the good news is that you probably won’t pay a gift tax. Why? Because the extra $35,000 ($50,000 - $15,000) simply counts against your $11.58 million lifetime exclusion. Next year, if you give your brother another $50,000, the same thing happens: you use up your $15,000 annual exclusion and whittle away another $35,000 of your lifetime exclusion.

[parkerk]

So apparently the stealth side of our stealth wealth is very successful. My neighbour has twice informed me of the city's food pantry giveaways in a local park.

This is awesome.  I hate/love it when people are like "oh, you know there are programs to help pay for things like that" when I'm saying I don't want to spend money on something.

[crocheted_stache]

There's an annual gift limit where you don't have to pay taxes.   In the US for 2021, it's $15,000 per donor per recipient per year.

...

If we're talking about bigger numbers just spread it out over a few years.   If you simply can't wait that long for the money (???) then deal with the taxes over the taxable gift amount.   But don't expect sympathy from anyone who isn't rich when you're being given so much money that you simply HAVE to pay taxes on some of it.  :)

The annual gift exclusion of $15,000 is the limit below which you don't even have to report the gift to the IRS.

If you exceed the $15,000 limit, then you do have to report it to the IRS, but in all probability you still won't owe any tax on it because the lifetime exemption is $11.58MM (per person, so effectively double for couples).  You won't owe any gift tax until the yearly amounts that exceed $15,000 eventually sum up to more than $11.58MM.

ETA, an example:

For example, if you give your brother $50,000 this year, you’ll use up your $15,000 annual exclusion. The bad news is that you’ll need to file a gift tax return, but the good news is that you probably won’t pay a gift tax. Why? Because the extra $35,000 ($50,000 - $15,000) simply counts against your $11.58 million lifetime exclusion. Next year, if you give your brother another $50,000, the same thing happens: you use up your $15,000 annual exclusion and whittle away another $35,000 of your lifetime exclusion.

We know. The part about them not being in the US makes it slightly more complicated, in that we'd have to decide between leaving the money there (where it still needs to be reported) or bringing it here (no need and not such a great exchange rate). 

It's more an expedient and plausible way to redirect some money we really don't need. DH was thinking of gifts for the nieces and nephews even before this, and we'd both feel pretty weird accepting it.

[Morning Glory]

There's an annual gift limit where you don't have to pay taxes.   In the US for 2021, it's $15,000 per donor per recipient per year.

...

If we're talking about bigger numbers just spread it out over a few years.   If you simply can't wait that long for the money (???) then deal with the taxes over the taxable gift amount.   But don't expect sympathy from anyone who isn't rich when you're being given so much money that you simply HAVE to pay taxes on some of it.  :)

The annual gift exclusion of $15,000 is the limit below which you don't even have to report the gift to the IRS.

If you exceed the $15,000 limit, then you do have to report it to the IRS, but in all probability you still won't owe any tax on it because the lifetime exemption is $11.58MM (per person, so effectively double for couples).  You won't owe any gift tax until the yearly amounts that exceed $15,000 eventually sum up to more than $11.58MM.

ETA, an example:

For example, if you give your brother $50,000 this year, you’ll use up your $15,000 annual exclusion. The bad news is that you’ll need to file a gift tax return, but the good news is that you probably won’t pay a gift tax. Why? Because the extra $35,000 ($50,000 - $15,000) simply counts against your $11.58 million lifetime exclusion. Next year, if you give your brother another $50,000, the same thing happens: you use up your $15,000 annual exclusion and whittle away another $35,000 of your lifetime exclusion.

We know. The part about them not being in the US makes it slightly more complicated, in that we'd have to decide between leaving the money there (where it still needs to be reported) or bringing it here (no need and not such a great exchange rate). 

It's more an expedient and plausible way to redirect some money we really don't need. DH was thinking of gifts for the nieces and nephews even before this, and we'd both feel pretty weird accepting it.

Why not just see if she will pay for your family to come visit her and have a nice holiday instead? She could rent a flat for a couple of weeks somewhere and you all could meet her there and have a nice time. My dad did that a few years ago, and it was great! We just paid for our own plane tickets and he rented an air bnb in Paris that was big enough for everyone.  So much better than inheriting money later on.

[Dicey]

Why not just see if she will pay for your family to come visit her and have a nice holiday instead? She could rent a flat for a couple of weeks somewhere and you all could meet her there and have a nice time. My dad did that a few years ago, and it was great! We just paid for our own plane tickets and he rented an air bnb in Paris that was big enough for everyone.  So much better than inheriting money later on.

Great iidea!

[Sugaree]

So apparently the stealth side of our stealth wealth is very successful. My neighbour has twice informed me of the city's food pantry giveaways in a local park.

This is awesome.  I hate/love it when people are like "oh, you know there are programs to help pay for things like that" when I'm saying I don't want to spend money on something.

I once told my kid that we didn't have money to go out to eat and he ran to my mother-in-law and told her we didn't have money for food.  I learned to phrase it differently after that.  I've also had people do a double take when they see my car because they assume that I'd be driving a hoopty (I actually drive an 8 year-old Wrangler).  Maybe they assume that all my money goes to car payments?

[Freedomin5]

DH gets a stipend from his company to purchase lunch from his workplace’s cafeteria. However, he’s been packing lunch, which is healthier and cheaper. His MPP is that he is leaving his job in two weeks and he still has over $100 in his account. He loses that money if he doesn’t spend it. So we’ve decided to stock up on overpriced Gatorade and yogurt, which are about the only two things from the cafeteria that we might actually eat.

[LennStar]

I'd be driving a hoopty (I actually drive an 8 year-old Wrangler). 

I love the Urban Dictionary!

Basically, a piece of shit car. Usually cheap and/or broken down. Can be any size, make or model, but must (or should) be embarrassing to drive for some reason, such as when you bump the stereo all the plastic "effects" you have hot-glued to the exterior rattle, instantly betraying the cheapness of your bling.
A hoopty can be anything from a '78 Cadillac Brogham with the panels missing in front of the brake lights (but replaced on only one side with duct tape), to a fine purple two-year old Hyundai Elantra with three spinner hubcaps and a vanity plate that reads BBY GRL.

It's interesting how many slang words for "bad" cars there are in the US. Makes you think they must be very common.

[Imma]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

My parent used to give me cash, which is great. But since their own parent died, my parent regrets that they don't have physical items that they got for their birthday from their parent. My parent has lots of stuff from their own parent that they use every day, so there are plenty of sentimental items, but nothing that they got specifically for their birthday.

I don't want to be ungrateful, but the budget is too low. The budget is €50. Last year I asked for plain gold earrings that I wear every day now (I'm allergic to nickel so I can't wear cheap jewelry). But I've got earrings now. It can't be a book or clothing or craft supplies because it needs to be something special. But I don't need special stuff!! I mean, technically, I would love a new sewing machine but the one I really want is €3000. Everything that I want is either too cheap or too expensive. Earrings don't take up a lot of space so I guess I could ask for new earrings every year, but I don't need them. And only the most plain ones are within the budget.

[ixtap]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

My parent used to give me cash, which is great. But since their own parent died, my parent regrets that they don't have physical items that they got for their birthday from their parent. My parent has lots of stuff from their own parent that they use every day, so there are plenty of sentimental items, but nothing that they got specifically for their birthday.

I don't want to be ungrateful, but the budget is too low. The budget is €50. Last year I asked for plain gold earrings that I wear every day now (I'm allergic to nickel so I can't wear cheap jewelry). But I've got earrings now. It can't be a book or clothing or craft supplies because it needs to be something special. But I don't need special stuff!! I mean, technically, I would love a new sewing machine but the one I really want is €3000. Everything that I want is either too cheap or too expensive. Earrings don't take up a lot of space so I guess I could ask for new earrings every year, but I don't need them. And only the most plain ones are within the budget.

This may not help for this time, but we keep a list of cheapish things we want so that we can tell my MIL what to get us for Christmas. Winch handles for the boat, 8" frying pans because her son goes through them every few years (doesn't sound like this is allowable for you), a moleskin notebook when we run low on notebooks...

[Plina]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

My parent used to give me cash, which is great. But since their own parent died, my parent regrets that they don't have physical items that they got for their birthday from their parent. My parent has lots of stuff from their own parent that they use every day, so there are plenty of sentimental items, but nothing that they got specifically for their birthday.

I don't want to be ungrateful, but the budget is too low. The budget is €50. Last year I asked for plain gold earrings that I wear every day now (I'm allergic to nickel so I can't wear cheap jewelry). But I've got earrings now. It can't be a book or clothing or craft supplies because it needs to be something special. But I don't need special stuff!! I mean, technically, I would love a new sewing machine but the one I really want is €3000. Everything that I want is either too cheap or too expensive. Earrings don't take up a lot of space so I guess I could ask for new earrings every year, but I don't need them. And only the most plain ones are within the budget.

Maybe, you have to have I appreciate the thought but it doesn’t work for me-talk. Maybe it could be tickets somewhere and you can take a picture as a memory. My mother also wants to buy gifts even though I would prefer a no gifts policy as I lean more towards being a minimalist. Our compromise is that I make suggestions and often even order the stuff to her place. I got a vase for my birthday because I don’t have any. So for christmas I get stuff, that I would have normally bought such as clothes, books or some stuff.

[AO1FireTo]

Here's mine,

In the market for a new "used car"...

1/Low kilometers - check
2/Reliable brand - check
3/Good gas mileage -check
4/Reasonable price - check
5/Checks to see if it needs premium gas - #@$#@$@#$

Just can't get past #5.

[shelivesthedream]

@Imma That is annoying. A book? That you can read and either shelve or quietly pass on? If you can't think of a specific one yourself, ask them to buy their favourite book on X. My favourite gifts to receive are fancy shower gel or fancy foods, but they're not exactly heirlooms :) I push back against people buying toys for my kids (and ask for books and clothes only) but with people who insist on buying me presents its not really worth it to have the argument so I just ask for something it'll be easy for me to deal with afterwards if there's nothing I specially want.

[RWD]

Here's mine,

In the market for a new "used car"...

1/Low kilometers - check
2/Reliable brand - check
3/Good gas mileage -check
4/Reasonable price - check
5/Checks to see if it needs premium gas - #@$#@$@#$

Just can't get past #5.

My last five cars have all required premium fuel. It hasn't been an issue though because we just don't drive much. Looks like in your area premium fuel is about 11% more expensive than regular. Is that really a deal breaker?

Or you could just sidestep the whole thing and get an EV.

[secondcor521]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

My parent used to give me cash, which is great. But since their own parent died, my parent regrets that they don't have physical items that they got for their birthday from their parent. My parent has lots of stuff from their own parent that they use every day, so there are plenty of sentimental items, but nothing that they got specifically for their birthday.

I don't want to be ungrateful, but the budget is too low. The budget is €50. Last year I asked for plain gold earrings that I wear every day now (I'm allergic to nickel so I can't wear cheap jewelry). But I've got earrings now. It can't be a book or clothing or craft supplies because it needs to be something special. But I don't need special stuff!! I mean, technically, I would love a new sewing machine but the one I really want is €3000. Everything that I want is either too cheap or too expensive. Earrings don't take up a lot of space so I guess I could ask for new earrings every year, but I don't need them. And only the most plain ones are within the budget.

How about a gift in your honor to a charity that you support?

[slipslop]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

I have found that requesting kitchen items works for me. Measuring cups, wooden spoons, a special attachment for a mixer, whatever. Even if you don't really need it, they seldom take up a lot of space and frequently fit in that price range.

Bonus points if it can be related to some shared activity with your parent. "I'd love a new set of measuring spoons... do you remember baking that cake when I was growing up...?"

But maybe it's me. My favorite gift that I have ever received was my grandpa's potato masher when he passed. It was important to my Mom that I get it because of my shared love of mashed potatoes with her father. And, I do think of the both of them whenever I use it.

[Mighty Eyebrows]

5/Checks to see if it needs premium gas - #@$#@$@#$

Just can't get past #5.

Some newer cars will adjust the engine timing if you use non-premium fuel. The performance will be lower, but I doubt that would bother you. You should check the details for the particular car.
https://www.edmunds.com/fuel-economy/to-save-money-on-gas-stop-buying-premium.html

[RWD]

5/Checks to see if it needs premium gas - #@$#@$@#$

Just can't get past #5.

Some newer cars will adjust the engine timing if you use non-premium fuel. The performance will be lower, but I doubt that would bother you. You should check the details for the particular car.
https://www.edmunds.com/fuel-economy/to-save-money-on-gas-stop-buying-premium.html

"Running regular-grade fuel in a car that requires premium might sound like an easy way to shave a car's operating costs, but the short-term savings won't come close to offsetting the cost of repairs to a damaged engine." (the difference between premium-required and premium-recommended)

They also note that you may get better fuel economy using premium. So there might not even be any cost savings for going against the manufacturers recommendation.

[PhilB]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

I have found that requesting kitchen items works for me. Measuring cups, wooden spoons, a special attachment for a mixer, whatever. Even if you don't really need it, they seldom take up a lot of space and frequently fit in that price range.

Bonus points if it can be related to some shared activity with your parent. "I'd love a new set of measuring spoons... do you remember baking that cake when I was growing up...?"

But maybe it's me. My favorite gift that I have ever received was my grandpa's potato masher when he passed. It was important to my Mom that I get it because of my shared love of mashed potatoes with her father. And, I do think of the both of them whenever I use it.

Do you already have a set of good quality knives?  If not then that should keep your parent going for a while at one knife per birthday.

[Abundant life]

I have a terrible MPP.

I have a parent. I have a birthday coming up. My parent wants to buy me a birthday gift. The budget is pretty low. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

My parent used to give me cash, which is great. But since their own parent died, my parent regrets that they don't have physical items that they got for their birthday from their parent. My parent has lots of stuff from their own parent that they use every day, so there are plenty of sentimental items, but nothing that they got specifically for their birthday.

I don't want to be ungrateful, but the budget is too low. The budget is €50. Last year I asked for plain gold earrings that I wear every day now (I'm allergic to nickel so I can't wear cheap jewelry). But I've got earrings now. It can't be a book or clothing or craft supplies because it needs to be something special. But I don't need special stuff!! I mean, technically, I would love a new sewing machine but the one I really want is €3000. Everything that I want is either too cheap or too expensive. Earrings don't take up a lot of space so I guess I could ask for new earrings every year, but I don't need them. And only the most plain ones are within the budget.

My parents always gave cash to us as adults in a birthday card. The cards were nothing special (from the cheap shop usually), but as they aged it deteriorated to cash in an envelope with 'Happy Birthday, love from Mum and Dad xxx' written on the front.

For some reason the last birthday they gave me a beautiful expensive card with lovely words of appreciation, it was probably accidental. I kept it. As it turned out it was the last birthday card I was to get as they passed away within 5 months of each other before my next birthday. It was like it was meant to be.

We are/were all pretty practical. The book 'The Five Love Languages' explains how each person has a love language. Mine is not gifts, not so much physical touch; more so: acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time. It's probably worth working out what your parent's is, or even talking with them about it. It would be nice to have something meaningful that you could cherish, but it doesn't have to be big.

I have a few household items that bring them to mind when I use them - it's nice to have these reminders, but no one else would want them in the end.

[Imma]

Thanks everyone for the ideas!

@shelivesthedream @Plina the whole point is that she (it's my mother - of course) wants me to get something I will keep. Now she's lost her own mother she feels that I will value having those things when she's no longer here. But I don't think having something that I got from her specifically for my birthday will mean a lot to me. My late grandmother always gave me cash for my birthday, but I have a few of her things around the house and they still mean a lot to me even if she didn't get them for my birthday. She give me her Missal that she received as a Confirmation gift in the 1940s, her most treasured possession, and the handmade sewing box made for her by my grandfather when they were engaged. Those mean more to me than the book she got me for my birthday in the 90s.

She doesn't want to give me money because it will be "wasted" on groceries, so I suggested I would use it to make an extra mortage payment. My mother is pretty frugal so I thought that would do the trick. Nope. I have lots of books and craft supplies so those aren't really "special" enough. I guess she wants me to spend money on special things that will make me happy except I don't really need any special things. I don't think I'm not worth all those special things, I'm not afraid to spend money, I just wouldn't know what to spend it on. My life is pretty much complete. I'm also a big fan of fancy food. I would be totally happy with nothing but a box of Charbonnel & Walker truffles for my birthday.

I love cooking and baking so my set of kitchen equipment is pretty much complete. We unfortunately had a few family deaths in a row when I was in my teens and 20s and I was frugal then too so I took all the indestructable tools and knives. 

@slipslop @Abundant life  I have my grandmother's green enamel soup ladle. And both of my grandmother's teapots. Same happy memories :) I also kept a few nice cards with personal messages on them. I'm glad I have those even though they don't mean anything to anyone else.

I've so far come up with one thing. I have a nice set of china. I always eat from the good plates at the dining room table, 3 meals a day, and it's one of the few things in my house I've actually bought new with my own money. It wasn't cheap because I wanted a good quality set that will be available for the forseeable future (a bit cheaper than Wedgwood but that kind of classic). I have a set for 4 but since we have room at the table for 8, maybe I could expand to 8 and ask a few plates? The budget would be enough for 4 dinner plates. I suppose that's a very traditional mother-daughter gift. Post-Covid we'll have guests again and my friends' kids are getting too old for plastic plates. We could even go to the small independent kitchenware shop in the village where we used to live and buy the plates together.

I bake a lot so I could ask a nice Nordic Ware bundt pan, it would get used, but that would just be another thing to store. I already have a springform and a loaf pan for baking. I don't really need more than the two pairs of earrings I already have and I don't wear bracelets. I've thought of a few Kitchenaid attachements that I would use but they're over budget (which is also why I haven't bought them myself, Kitchenaid is just insanely expensive).

[Plina]

Thanks everyone for the ideas!

@shelivesthedream @Plina the whole point is that she (it's my mother - of course) wants me to get something I will keep. Now she's lost her own mother she feels that I will value having those things when she's no longer here. But I don't think having something that I got from her specifically for my birthday will mean a lot to me. My late grandmother always gave me cash for my birthday, but I have a few of her things around the house and they still mean a lot to me even if she didn't get them for my birthday. She give me her Missal that she received as a Confirmation gift in the 1940s, her most treasured possession, and the handmade sewing box made for her by my grandfather when they were engaged. Those mean more to me than the book she got me for my birthday in the 90s.

She doesn't want to give me money because it will be "wasted" on groceries, so I suggested I would use it to make an extra mortage payment. My mother is pretty frugal so I thought that would do the trick. Nope. I have lots of books and craft supplies so those aren't really "special" enough. I guess she wants me to spend money on special things that will make me happy except I don't really need any special things. I don't think I'm not worth all those special things, I'm not afraid to spend money, I just wouldn't know what to spend it on. My life is pretty much complete. I'm also a big fan of fancy food. I would be totally happy with nothing but a box of Charbonnel & Walker truffles for my birthday.

I love cooking and baking so my set of kitchen equipment is pretty much complete. We unfortunately had a few family deaths in a row when I was in my teens and 20s and I was frugal then too so I took all the indestructable tools and knives. 

@slipslop @Abundant life  I have my grandmother's green enamel soup ladle. And both of my grandmother's teapots. Same happy memories :) I also kept a few nice cards with personal messages on them. I'm glad I have those even though they don't mean anything to anyone else.

I've so far come up with one thing. I have a nice set of china. I always eat from the good plates at the dining room table, 3 meals a day, and it's one of the few things in my house I've actually bought new with my own money. It wasn't cheap because I wanted a good quality set that will be available for the forseeable future (a bit cheaper than Wedgwood but that kind of classic). I have a set for 4 but since we have room at the table for 8, maybe I could expand to 8 and ask a few plates? The budget would be enough for 4 dinner plates. I suppose that's a very traditional mother-daughter gift. Post-Covid we'll have guests again and my friends' kids are getting too old for plastic plates. We could even go to the small independent kitchenware shop in the village where we used to live and buy the plates together.

I bake a lot so I could ask a nice Nordic Ware bundt pan, it would get used, but that would just be another thing to store. I already have a springform and a loaf pan for baking. I don't really need more than the two pairs of earrings I already have and I don't wear bracelets. I've thought of a few Kitchenaid attachements that I would use but they're over budget (which is also why I haven't bought them myself, Kitchenaid is just insanely expensive).

I understand that she wants to give you something that you want to keep but if you only view it as a burden it doesn’t achieve her objective. During a lot of years I got nice plates, cutlery, glasses etc from relatives until I told stop. So if you want to have more plates you can always ask for 2 for next birthday and two more for the following. Do you need new nicer wineglasses?

[AMandM]

The plates is a good idea. Then next year you can ask for bowls, the year after that for cups, the year after that a serving bowl or platter....

Is there anything of yours that could stand to be replaced, so the net storage space would be the same? A new purse, a new pair of sandals, gloves, sunglasses.... Or maybe in your mother's mind that's not enough of a special item that you would keep forever.

The earrings are also good, in that they require very little storage space and you can use them even if you don't need them: pearls, stones of different colours to go with different outfits, diamonds for going out to fancy events.

[Sibley]

You could try asking her to implement the Platinum rule, not the Golden rule.

Golden rule: Do unto other as you would done unto you
Platinum rule: Do unto others as "they'd" like done unto them

Frankly, she's being rude and inconsiderate. She's imposing her idea of value and in the process causing you stress. So instead of a nice memory you have a negative memory. Have a conversation and point this out. She won't like it. She's an adult, it won't kill her.

Note: I'm blunt, and I try to be kind. I am not nice. YMMV.

[ixtap]

You could try asking her to implement the Platinum rule, not the Golden rule.

Golden rule: Do unto other as you would done unto you
Platinum rule: Do unto others as "they'd" like done unto them

Frankly, she's being rude and inconsiderate. She's imposing her idea of value and in the process causing you stress. So instead of a nice memory you have a negative memory. Have a conversation and point this out. She won't like it. She's an adult, it won't kill her.

Note: I'm blunt, and I try to be kind. I am not nice. YMMV.

I have long tried to implement your platinum rule, and occasionally convince others to please respect what I want, but I never had a name for it.