Author Topic: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)  (Read 5107397 times)

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22384
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6900 on: November 20, 2019, 06:50:59 AM »
We have an annual travel budget because it's something we actually do need to rein in a bit, since the possibilities with travel are really endless and we have good imaginations. But for individual trips, no - if one trip is pricier than expected, we just go somewhere cheaper for any remaining trips that year.

This seems like a good idea... I'm not sure how to sell it though.

Especially since we've definitely blown any reasonable travel budget this year, but I was running some numbers today and realized that using MAAP (Mustachian Accepted Accounting Practices - ie counting debt/principle payment as savings) we will very likely save more than our AGI this year...
I see cake! Happy Birthday!!

TVRodriguez

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 773
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6901 on: November 20, 2019, 06:53:30 AM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".
....
Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

You already know that this person likes coffee and flowers--why not send those?

Another alternative:  A handwritten card from you, saying how much this person means to you.  Perhaps sent at the same time as a flower arrangement is sent so that they arrive close together. 

I recently received such a card from an old friend, and I was incredibly touched, especially since it was not tied to any holiday or birthday at all.  Just came in the mail on a regular day, a card saying how something I told her years ago changed her perspective on life (!!!!) and affected her decisions from that day.  I hardly imagined that.  One never imagines one will actually be inspiring.  If you could give your friend something like this, it could bring both of you joy.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22384
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6902 on: November 20, 2019, 07:13:06 AM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".

Okay, I have a lifetime friend that lives very far away from me. This person is past 65 but still working at a low paying job. I have never known a person who is dislikes so many things. I have sent frozen food items from reputable companies and the person kind of told me in a nice way they didn't really care for it. I have come out and asked what they might like. I have sent different types of prepaid gift cards for restaurants, grocery, retail. I get a thanks but nothing seems to thrill this person. The whole thing is that I would like to give something that gives some joy to this person. I know I could donate to a charity in their name but that doesn't give me joy.

Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

Sorry, but ďnothingĒ is the only answer I have for you.

Because either this person really wants you to not buy them anything for whatever reason, but isnít comfortable saying it (which I understand, I have a friend who gives me gifts all the time and I really dislike it)...

Or they are just generally ungrateful! In which case ceasing the gift-giving might teach them some retroactive gratitude.
Give them the gift of words. Write a letter telling them how much they mean to you. Boom, you're done.

Sugaree

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1674
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6903 on: November 20, 2019, 07:37:34 AM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".
....
Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

You already know that this person likes coffee and flowers--why not send those?


Are you crafty?  Could you create a coffee bouquet kind of like those candy bouquets that are popular around Valentine's Day?

Ladychips

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1451
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6904 on: November 20, 2019, 09:05:33 AM »
RR53, I like the answers you've been given.  The only suggestion I have is an amaryllis.  Indoors they bloom at Christmas time.  And it will keep blooming every year.  Depending on the person's zone, they may be able to plant it outside and it bloom in the spring.  They are super low maintenance and super pretty.  Good luck!

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6905 on: November 20, 2019, 11:00:02 AM »
I have no children, no parents and no other relative to 'give' gifts to. I like to shower some gifts on my friend and normally like to give things that are useful. Food was, what I thought a good gift. You get it, you eat it and it is gone. You don't have to figure out where to put a doo dad. I plan on flowers and coffee but I also like to give a bit more. Person seems to like some things I have given. Kitchen stuff is of no interest. No new gadgets, pans, utensils. No Instant pots, cookbooks, blenders, mixers...

Alfred J Quack

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 421
  • Location: Netherlands
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6906 on: November 20, 2019, 11:44:33 AM »
I've never heard of an energy company going bankrupt so I don't think there's much chance of that here.

Welcome to the Netherlands:

Trianel - December 2012
Orro - December 2012
EnergieFlex - October 2018
Robin Energie - Februari 2019

These are not producers but resellers. Still, if they go bankrupt, your money is gone.
Wasn't Enron also an energy producer?

Fomerly known as something

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1632
  • Location: CA
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6907 on: November 20, 2019, 11:50:43 AM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".

Okay, I have a lifetime friend that lives very far away from me. This person is past 65 but still working at a low paying job. I have never known a person who is dislikes so many things. I have sent frozen food items from reputable companies and the person kind of told me in a nice way they didn't really care for it. I have come out and asked what they might like. I have sent different types of prepaid gift cards for restaurants, grocery, retail. I get a thanks but nothing seems to thrill this person. The whole thing is that I would like to give something that gives some joy to this person. I know I could donate to a charity in their name but that doesn't give me joy.

Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

Does person live near their grandkids? A grandparents pass to a zoo or children's museum?  (pass gets grandparent and kids in for a year)

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6908 on: November 20, 2019, 12:28:17 PM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".

Okay, I have a lifetime friend that lives very far away from me. This person is past 65 but still working at a low paying job. I have never known a person who is dislikes so many things. I have sent frozen food items from reputable companies and the person kind of told me in a nice way they didn't really care for it. I have come out and asked what they might like. I have sent different types of prepaid gift cards for restaurants, grocery, retail. I get a thanks but nothing seems to thrill this person. The whole thing is that I would like to give something that gives some joy to this person. I know I could donate to a charity in their name but that doesn't give me joy.

Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

I would seriously ask yourself, does this person even WANT you to give them gifts? A lot of people just don't like gifts. I'm one of them for the most part. I'm very minimalist and working towards the zero waste ideal, so almost nothing a person could give me would actually be wanted, so I really prefer for people to just not get me things at all. The only exceptions are things like gift cards for digital purchases (video games), looseleaf herbal tea, maybe some other edible things, and actually taking me shopping for an item I need (for example, my mom once got me a kick-ass universal power converter/charger that's been on every trip I've taken since).

frugalnacho

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5055
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Metro Detroit
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6909 on: November 20, 2019, 12:39:59 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

TVRodriguez

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 773
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6910 on: November 20, 2019, 12:54:43 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6911 on: November 20, 2019, 12:59:40 PM »
I already know the answer that everyone will give me but that is not the answer I am looking for. The answer is "just don't get anything".

Okay, I have a lifetime friend that lives very far away from me. This person is past 65 but still working at a low paying job. I have never known a person who is dislikes so many things. I have sent frozen food items from reputable companies and the person kind of told me in a nice way they didn't really care for it. I have come out and asked what they might like. I have sent different types of prepaid gift cards for restaurants, grocery, retail. I get a thanks but nothing seems to thrill this person. The whole thing is that I would like to give something that gives some joy to this person. I know I could donate to a charity in their name but that doesn't give me joy.

Person likes outdoor planted flowers in the summer so at Christmas time can't do much about that.
Person has a dog and is devoted to it.
Person doesn't like anything for exotic food. Sticks to a very, limited mundane menu.
Person likes a certain brand of coffee. Have sent some of the favorite brand in the past.
Person has a few grandkids and loves them dearly.
Person does like flower arrangements.

I just recently bought an item that this person commented on and said they liked it and have been shopping for something like it. I offered to get it for the person. Finally after days of giving person time to think about it, that idea is now rejected.

Why is trying to GIVE something nice to a person I care for so hard?

Any suggestions? I am down to giving cash and that gives me no real joy.

I would seriously ask yourself, does this person even WANT you to give them gifts? A lot of people just don't like gifts. I'm one of them for the most part. I'm very minimalist and working towards the zero waste ideal, so almost nothing a person could give me would actually be wanted, so I really prefer for people to just not get me things at all. The only exceptions are things like gift cards for digital purchases (video games), looseleaf herbal tea, maybe some other edible things, and actually taking me shopping for an item I need (for example, my mom once got me a kick-ass universal power converter/charger that's been on every trip I've taken since).

Yes, we exchange gifts each year for Christmas and Birthdays. It would take a plane ride to go shopping with Person so that is out. Person doesn't like tea...another thing that wouldn't work.

Anyone have any ideas of computer add on things? Person loves their computer and loves photos. Is there any type of gizmo that makes scanning photos easy? Or some other cool thing as a computer fun thing besides games? I think Person has an external hard drive and that isn't really fun but good to have. I have a DYMO label printer but don't use it much but it is a cool gadget.

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2363
  • Age: 1823
  • Location: OH
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6912 on: November 20, 2019, 01:34:44 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

For example, I recently dropped my swiss army knife and cracked it. It's still perfectly usable, so I'm not replacing it right away. And it's only $35 so I could easily replace it anytime I want. But I put it on my wish list so people who want to give me gifts know what I want.

It's not a big deal - I don't really care if someone gets it for me or not. But there are people in my life who WANT to get me gifts, and this gives them an idea.

I have several things on my list like this so there are lots of ideas to choose from.

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6913 on: November 20, 2019, 02:17:22 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

Good idea TVRodriguez! Makes a lot of sense. Frugalnacho, my Mom did the same thing every year and it did drive me nuts. But she LOVED Christmas and I would give her a small list which she inflated by 200%. It gave her so much joy. She is no longer with me and Christmas really is pretty meaningless to me now. I now realize even though I didn't want anything, it was important to her. She wanted to give and bring happiness. Throw your mother a bone and give her some ideas. Make HER happy. It isn't really about you. Be kind, your mother won't be around forever. I am sure there is something nice you could put on your list starting with TVRodriguez ideas. How about a really nice pen to write with? New quilt for your bed. Maybe you could think of a set of tools where she adds one or two each year. Yes, you can buy this stuff yourself but remember, your mom wants to put a smile on your face. I hope you are generous to her since you have lots of money.

frugalnacho

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5055
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Metro Detroit
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6914 on: November 20, 2019, 02:22:47 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

It's a little more than just me not needing stuff.  My parents are broke and make poor financial decisions and I suspect some financial responsibility will eventually fall on my shoulders when they are older.  So in a way I feel like I am basically buying myself stuff I don't need just to satisfy my mom's urge to shop and buy useless gifts for everyone (including me).  I can always turn them away and say they made their bed and they need to sleep in it, but I would prefer they are just more responsible with their money now so we can avoid that scenario altogether. 

Also I deeply hate the entire idea of gift cards.  It's like cash, but you can only use it at one specific location for a limited amount of time.  The entire idea that you would take something as valuable as cash and restrict the shit out of it for apparently no reason really irks me. 

frugalnacho

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5055
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Metro Detroit
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6915 on: November 20, 2019, 02:27:33 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

Good idea TVRodriguez! Makes a lot of sense. Frugalnacho, my Mom did the same thing every year and it did drive me nuts. But she LOVED Christmas and I would give her a small list which she inflated by 200%. It gave her so much joy. She is no longer with me and Christmas really is pretty meaningless to me now. I now realize even though I didn't want anything, it was important to her. She wanted to give and bring happiness. Throw your mother a bone and give her some ideas. Make HER happy. It isn't really about you. Be kind, your mother won't be around forever. I am sure there is something nice you could put on your list starting with TVRodriguez ideas. How about a really nice pen to write with? New quilt for your bed. Maybe you could think of a set of tools where she adds one or two each year. Yes, you can buy this stuff yourself but remember, your mom wants to put a smile on your face. I hope you are generous to her since you have lots of money.

Yea I get that, but I would prefer she just do something nice.  If you really insist on spending money just buy a nice piece of meat (like a rib roast) and cook us dinner.  We would really enjoy that and would also get to spend some time together enjoying a nice meal that we don't normally get to eat.  Win-win.  What I don't need is special wine glasses when I don't drink wine.  Or charms to put on said wine glasses.  Or some piece of cheap jewelry that I will never wear because I hate jewelry.  I know she enjoys giving me something, but the vast majority of things I get from her are complete junk that I don't need.  I would prefer she spends it taking us out, or cooking us dinner, or just taking care of themselves financially so that I don't have to.

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2363
  • Age: 1823
  • Location: OH
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6916 on: November 20, 2019, 02:55:48 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

Good idea TVRodriguez! Makes a lot of sense. Frugalnacho, my Mom did the same thing every year and it did drive me nuts. But she LOVED Christmas and I would give her a small list which she inflated by 200%. It gave her so much joy. She is no longer with me and Christmas really is pretty meaningless to me now. I now realize even though I didn't want anything, it was important to her. She wanted to give and bring happiness. Throw your mother a bone and give her some ideas. Make HER happy. It isn't really about you. Be kind, your mother won't be around forever. I am sure there is something nice you could put on your list starting with TVRodriguez ideas. How about a really nice pen to write with? New quilt for your bed. Maybe you could think of a set of tools where she adds one or two each year. Yes, you can buy this stuff yourself but remember, your mom wants to put a smile on your face. I hope you are generous to her since you have lots of money.

Yea I get that, but I would prefer she just do something nice.  If you really insist on spending money just buy a nice piece of meat (like a rib roast) and cook us dinner.  We would really enjoy that and would also get to spend some time together enjoying a nice meal that we don't normally get to eat.  Win-win.  What I don't need is special wine glasses when I don't drink wine.  Or charms to put on said wine glasses.  Or some piece of cheap jewelry that I will never wear because I hate jewelry.  I know she enjoys giving me something, but the vast majority of things I get from her are complete junk that I don't need. I would prefer she spends it taking us out, or cooking us dinner, or just taking care of themselves financially so that I don't have to.

I think the reason she is giving you this stuff is because she doesn't know what else to give. Give her a list and you'll probably find the quality of her gifts improving.

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6917 on: November 20, 2019, 03:25:14 PM »
Frugalnatcho, you are getting a bunch of junk you don't want because you are not providing your mother with any clues on what you might like. She is probably wracking her brain trying to find something to thrill you. You are pushing her away. Solon is right. Give her a list of a few things. It is a pain in the butt but you can do it! You could also buy her a rib roast and tell her your desire is to have a family get together and her gift is cooking it. Make it a tradition. What about gardening, do you grow tomatoes or other veggies? She could give you a certificate to a garden center. How about herbs, do you like to grow them but need a set up like an indoor grow box that is hydroponic? Mushroom grow kits and other grow kits: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=plant+growing+kits&hvadid=78546413561426&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mh0b-20&ref=pd_sl_9s4qkzvque_e

Do you have a hobby of some sort she could help add to? How about an online subscription to something like the NY Times or Washington Post or Audible? Or Sirius XM. Yes, you can afford to pay for these things but if any of them interest you, then you would get something that takes up no space, something you use and will enjoy.

I hope something helps you help your mother. She is the only one you will ever have.

Dollar Slice

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9651
  • Age: 46
  • Location: New York City
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6918 on: November 20, 2019, 04:09:52 PM »
I have the same thing with my family - if I don't suggest ideas they will just buy a bunch of stuff I don't want. My mom expresses her love by giving and at some point it's better to just accept it and work with it rather than fight it. What usually goes over very well is something like "what I'd really like is to spend some time together, why don't you pick out a play (or concert or museum or sporting event or whatever works for you) and get us all tickets to go together". Then she gets to pick out and purchase something nice and give you a thoughtful gift, but without there being any junk you feel obligated to keep. And most parents love hearing "I want to spend time together." I did this a few times with my brother's family when we lived in the same city - for my birthday I would just ask for them to take me out to dinner and drinks, or to the symphony or a play. Something I knew they would also enjoy.

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6919 on: November 20, 2019, 04:46:46 PM »
I have the same thing with my family - if I don't suggest ideas they will just buy a bunch of stuff I don't want. My mom expresses her love by giving and at some point it's better to just accept it and work with it rather than fight it. What usually goes over very well is something like "what I'd really like is to spend some time together, why don't you pick out a play (or concert or museum or sporting event or whatever works for you) and get us all tickets to go together". Then she gets to pick out and purchase something nice and give you a thoughtful gift, but without there being any junk you feel obligated to keep. And most parents love hearing "I want to spend time together." I did this a few times with my brother's family when we lived in the same city - for my birthday I would just ask for them to take me out to dinner and drinks, or to the symphony or a play. Something I knew they would also enjoy.

Good points Dollar Slice. Another thing, if Frugalnatcho has property, he could ask his mother for a nice blooming shrub or tree like lilac tree, hydrangea, hostas, Rhodendren. Depending on what part of the country could be citrus trees. Rose of Sharon bush. Spring bulbs like daffodil, tulips. One year I was at Costco and they had like 100 bulbs for a decent price. If he asks for the bulbs, he could also ask for the bulb auger to drill the holes in the ground. He and his mother could go shopping for this stuff if it is too bulky for her but she gets to shop with him and pick the stuff out together and pay for it. Then she feels like she shopped for a nice gift with her son and got what he wanted.

Also, he could also ask for Omaha beef steaks and there is a place called Neuske's and they have nice gift baskets with ham, bacon, pancake mix, maple syrup. There are a lot of choices. I also recommend Harry and David's for the pears. Another thing is QVC, they have a lot of frozen foods that are really good! I order these chicken patties that come with a white gravy. Very good! They have lots of stuff they offer. I also order salmon burgers from Costco and they are like $99 for 24 cheesy salmon burgers. They are very large and tasty. Food is a good gift!

sui generis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3104
  • she/her
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6920 on: November 20, 2019, 05:11:54 PM »
I was just talking about this with my mom and stepdad...who also don't love gifts, but my two sisters insist on bringing gifts each Christmas for everyone, even though we all agreed that we'd only do gifts for the kids (grandkids).  One or both of them break the agreement *every year*. 

And I get that some people's love language is gifts.  But there has to be a better way than just finding the worst junk from the Dollar Store.  With my sisters they don't ask for a list, they just buy theme gifts (like last year it was all the women got serapes or everyone got a heart-shaped pancake pan).  My stepdad apparently just told them if they brought something he'd put it straight in the donation box.  Sounds like they were disgruntled but agreed (again).  We shall see.  I would like to think of some way to let them have their satisfaction of giving gifts without us having to be so burdened by it (we fly in, so have to make extra room in our luggage for stuff we do not want at all), not to mention the financial and environmental impacts.  But haven't found a solution yet.

chouchouu

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 340
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6921 on: November 20, 2019, 08:13:04 PM »
Sword Guy, I like the picture idea, however, the kids mother takes them regularly to some studio and they have school pictures on top of the fact that Person is an avid picture taker. So many pictures it makes you head spin! To bad your father had a 'tude. Does ruin the gift giving thing.

DaMa, I will have to look into the zoo idea! I do think there is something in the area. Now you have got me thinking...movie tickets for Person and G-kids?

How about choosing a few favourites this person has taken of the grandkids and getting them printed into a photo book?you could also compile artwork the kids have made from the year, photograph them and print it as an annual for the year.

My favourite gifts are things like cardigans and socks. They end up getting holes or stains about every year or so, so a new cardigan is nice at Christmas. Shoes would be even better since I wear mine out regularly but I guess people aren't interested in buying shoes as gifts.

OtherJen

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5267
  • Location: Metro Detroit
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6922 on: November 20, 2019, 08:54:18 PM »
1.  When your starter home is so small that people think you're poor and need help.  Meanwhile you have empty drawers and cabinets because you don't own enough stuff to fill them.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.

5.  When people feel bad for you because you don't eat out daily, but your homecooked meals are less expensive and much tastier than restaurant food.  Bonus points for having your husband and kids grateful for all of the wonderful meals.  Extra bonus points when the kids are on vacation with the grandparents and they text you and beg you to make something special when they get home, because they feel sick from eating out.

Yep. Pretty sure most of our friends think that weíre poor because weíve stayed in our tiny starter house in a very working-class area for 16 years, I work as a freelance contractor, and husband works in retail. They donít know that we have 6 figures in investments alone, and no debt other than $52K on our mortgage. Itís both frustrating and amusing.

And yes, we love our $250 camping vacations and home-cooked, mostly from-scratch meals. We spent $1400 on a fancier vacation this fall, with lots of restaurant meals, and paid it off in full when the bills arrived. And we were very glad to come home to our own kitchen.

OtherJen

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5267
  • Location: Metro Detroit
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6923 on: November 20, 2019, 09:03:14 PM »
I'm fucking sick of my mom buying me gifts.  Every year it's the same thing, what do you want for christmas?  Nothing mom! I am financially stable! If I want any material items in the gift price range I will just go buy them because I have hundreds of thousands of dollars and can afford my own socks! If I don't own something it's because I don't want it! Stop wasting your money on things I have to throw out later! If you really insist, why don't you do something nice like invite us over for dinner? Or come hang out with your grandchild?

Every year I still get some kind of gift.  At least at this point it's a gift card to a restaurant or something.  Even then it's like you took $50 that would be accepted literally anywhere in the world and exchanged it for a $50 card that is only redeemable at texas roadhouse.  Thanks?

Wow, don't hold back--tell us how you really feel! 

Here's an idea, and I'm just throwing it out there:  what if you start a list of inexpensive things each year that you would not mind receiving, specifically to give to your mother? 

Think of it as a gift to her.

Ideas:
-books (regular, kindle or audio)
-"special" foods, such as catalog-based fruit/cheese/candy boxes (personally, I like Harry & David pears)
-toiletries (you could probably use a small manicure set)
-travel items (especially if they fold up so you can put them away), like an inflatable pillow
-scarves/hats/gloves (winter, after all)
-note cards (to send handwritten thank you notes, especially to your mom)

Good idea TVRodriguez! Makes a lot of sense. Frugalnacho, my Mom did the same thing every year and it did drive me nuts. But she LOVED Christmas and I would give her a small list which she inflated by 200%. It gave her so much joy. She is no longer with me and Christmas really is pretty meaningless to me now. I now realize even though I didn't want anything, it was important to her. She wanted to give and bring happiness. Throw your mother a bone and give her some ideas. Make HER happy. It isn't really about you. Be kind, your mother won't be around forever. I am sure there is something nice you could put on your list starting with TVRodriguez ideas. How about a really nice pen to write with? New quilt for your bed. Maybe you could think of a set of tools where she adds one or two each year. Yes, you can buy this stuff yourself but remember, your mom wants to put a smile on your face. I hope you are generous to her since you have lots of money.

Yea I get that, but I would prefer she just do something nice.  If you really insist on spending money just buy a nice piece of meat (like a rib roast) and cook us dinner.  We would really enjoy that and would also get to spend some time together enjoying a nice meal that we don't normally get to eat.  Win-win.  What I don't need is special wine glasses when I don't drink wine.  Or charms to put on said wine glasses.  Or some piece of cheap jewelry that I will never wear because I hate jewelry.  I know she enjoys giving me something, but the vast majority of things I get from her are complete junk that I don't need.  I would prefer she spends it taking us out, or cooking us dinner, or just taking care of themselves financially so that I don't have to.

I certainly understand this. My parents and in-laws really enjoy giving. It definitely makes things easier and more fun if we provide a few ideas.

Last year, my very favorite gift was the annual metroparks pass ($35) I had suggested to my in-laws as a potential gift idea. My father-in-law got a kick out of ordering it, as he never would have thought of it, and Iíve enjoyed using it so many times this year. I also asked my parents for a good quality notebook for bullet journaling ($20), and have enjoyed using that. My sister-in-law wants gift ideas for this year, and I plan to suggest fancy coffee beans, cheeses, or cooking oils/vinegars (she has good local suppliers).

Linea_Norway

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8575
  • Location: Norway
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6924 on: November 21, 2019, 12:30:00 AM »
I was just talking about this with my mom and stepdad...who also don't love gifts, but my two sisters insist on bringing gifts each Christmas for everyone, even though we all agreed that we'd only do gifts for the kids (grandkids).  One or both of them break the agreement *every year*. 

And I get that some people's love language is gifts.  But there has to be a better way than just finding the worst junk from the Dollar Store.  With my sisters they don't ask for a list, they just buy theme gifts (like last year it was all the women got serapes or everyone got a heart-shaped pancake pan).  My stepdad apparently just told them if they brought something he'd put it straight in the donation box.  Sounds like they were disgruntled but agreed (again).  We shall see.  I would like to think of some way to let them have their satisfaction of giving gifts without us having to be so burdened by it (we fly in, so have to make extra room in our luggage for stuff we do not want at all), not to mention the financial and environmental impacts.  But haven't found a solution yet.

Every year, FIL gives me several paper books. I do like reading and those are good novels. But I've told him I prefer to read on a Kindle and send him my Kindle wish list (and environment, less paper). But you can't put Kindle books under the Christmas tree. Therefore I get a pile of books that I need to take home on the plane with a minimum of luggage, because you pay for each suitcase and I am a cheapskate. It is difficult to get people to change. At least now I try to ask for things that I need, like last year, a small sauce pan.

But a heart-shaped pancake pan... No one in their right mind would even give anyone such a nonsense thing.

cupcakery

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 154
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6925 on: November 21, 2019, 08:12:08 AM »
1.  When your starter home is so small that people think you're poor and need help.  Meanwhile you have empty drawers and cabinets because you don't own enough stuff to fill them.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.

5.  When people feel bad for you because you don't eat out daily, but your homecooked meals are less expensive and much tastier than restaurant food.  Bonus points for having your husband and kids grateful for all of the wonderful meals.  Extra bonus points when the kids are on vacation with the grandparents and they text you and beg you to make something special when they get home, because they feel sick from eating out.

Yep. Pretty sure most of our friends think that weíre poor because weíve stayed in our tiny starter house in a very working-class area for 16 years, I work as a freelance contractor, and husband works in retail. They donít know that we have 6 figures in investments alone, and no debt other than $52K on our mortgage. Itís both frustrating and amusing.

And yes, we love our $250 camping vacations and home-cooked, mostly from-scratch meals. We spent $1400 on a fancier vacation this fall, with lots of restaurant meals, and paid it off in full when the bills arrived. And we were very glad to come home to our own kitchen.

I let people think what they want, especially with coworkers, since I'd rather they think I'm poor, but sometimes it bugs me.   Some days I laugh myself to the bank.  Depends on my mood.  :-)


sui generis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3104
  • she/her
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6927 on: November 21, 2019, 10:23:35 AM »
The MPP on my mind right now is that I saved up tons of money to RE, including a $12,000 annual travel budget, and a year and a half out from REing, I...am not so enthusiastic about making travel plans for next year. 

A big contributor is the truly horrible, godawful, horrifying experiences I had flying this year.  But even planning road trips or other non-airplane travel is not catching my imagination right now.  A few years ago, I was planning constant trips and didn't mind going solo most of the time - Svalbard/the Arctic Circle, Sri Lanka, a month hiking in Patagonia, trekking the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal and hiking in the Romanian Alps (both with a trekking group).  Now, it's just not ringing my bell.  I think I'll just stay home most of 2020, maybe do some local backpacking trips, and hope my wanderlust returns in future years. 

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2363
  • Age: 1823
  • Location: OH
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6928 on: November 21, 2019, 10:29:43 AM »
The MPP on my mind right now is that I saved up tons of money to RE, including a $12,000 annual travel budget, and a year and a half out from REing, I...am not so enthusiastic about making travel plans for next year. 

A big contributor is the truly horrible, godawful, horrifying experiences I had flying this year.  But even planning road trips or other non-airplane travel is not catching my imagination right now.  A few years ago, I was planning constant trips and didn't mind going solo most of the time - Svalbard/the Arctic Circle, Sri Lanka, a month hiking in Patagonia, trekking the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal and hiking in the Romanian Alps (both with a trekking group).  Now, it's just not ringing my bell.  I think I'll just stay home most of 2020, maybe do some local backpacking trips, and hope my wanderlust returns in future years.

I'm monstrously jealous that you have to make these decisions.

Alternatepriorities

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1637
  • Age: 43
  • Location: Alaska
  • Engineer, explorer, investor
    • Alternate Priorities
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6929 on: November 21, 2019, 10:59:57 AM »
The MPP on my mind right now is that I saved up tons of money to RE, including a $12,000 annual travel budget, and a year and a half out from REing, I...am not so enthusiastic about making travel plans for next year. 

A big contributor is the truly horrible, godawful, horrifying experiences I had flying this year.  But even planning road trips or other non-airplane travel is not catching my imagination right now.  A few years ago, I was planning constant trips and didn't mind going solo most of the time - Svalbard/the Arctic Circle, Sri Lanka, a month hiking in Patagonia, trekking the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal and hiking in the Romanian Alps (both with a trekking group).  Now, it's just not ringing my bell.  I think I'll just stay home most of 2020, maybe do some local backpacking trips, and hope my wanderlust returns in future years.

My condolences sui generis. Fear of loosing my wanderlust with age was one of the reasons I "retired" the first time before I reached FI. I traveled to several of the places on your list during that year. If you decide you'd like to see the other side of the Arctic Circle, I live in Alaska and like meeting Mustachians who wander up here.

fredbear

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 170
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6930 on: November 21, 2019, 11:35:00 AM »
...If you've never encountered weaponized gift giving in the wild, good for you, but please don't forget some of us deal with people who turn holiday gift giving into a dread filled morass of unwanted obligations. Suggesting alternate gifts to these givers just feeds into their twisted enjoyment of giving unwanted items.

...

Excellent post.  There was never a gift from Old Mrs Fredbear that didn't require decoding.  "What did she mean by sending the parka with the sleeve sewed shut?"  That decoding was exactly what she wanted: some neurotic triangulated involvement with her family, where "family" was understood to span all living generations, that she could play off against one another.  I got sick of it.

We all probably continue more family dysfunction than we want or even know, but you get to make some decisions that extricate you from neurotic family involvement and the one I made for my generation of fredbears is that

1) everyone provides a gift list comprising links to Amazon or other online items they actually want,
2) the list has to span 2 orders of cost, ie, there have to be items in the $10s for the family members still in school, up to $1000s for the rich ones, and
3) backchannel, you have to tell the others what you got for X, to avoid duplication.

This has, as I experience it, 2 advantages.  1) It is nearly impossible to buy competently for an expert hobbyist.  No way you can hit on the right fly pattern, or feather type, or quilt pattern download, or latin text; this lets your gift be usable.  2) It brings you a step closer to confronting family neuroses directly rather than by proxy.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7148
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6931 on: November 21, 2019, 01:23:25 PM »
...
If you've never encountered weaponized gift giving in the wild, good for you, but please don't forget some of us deal with people who turn holiday gift giving into a dread filled morass of unwanted obligations. Suggesting alternate gifts to these givers just feeds into their twisted enjoyment of giving unwanted items.
...

There was a Captain Awkward post about this very thing today, and it had a very entertaining divergence into Emily Post.

https://captainawkward.com/2019/11/20/1237-what-to-do-about-deliberately-bad-gifts-a-post-about-letting-go-of-some-etiquette-rules-when-they-no-longer-serve/

NorCal

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1499
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6932 on: November 22, 2019, 09:36:01 AM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

RWD

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6595
  • Location: Arizona
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6933 on: November 22, 2019, 10:18:02 AM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

It's a bad move, but whatever. You're categorizing your tax refunds wrong. A tax refund should be decreasing your tax expense for the year. Then if you owe money when you file taxes it just increases your tax expense category. At no time should adjustments to how much you pay in tax be categorized as income, that's just weird.

NorCal

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1499
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6934 on: November 22, 2019, 12:39:19 PM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

It's a bad move, but whatever. You're categorizing your tax refunds wrong. A tax refund should be decreasing your tax expense for the year. Then if you owe money when you file taxes it just increases your tax expense category. At no time should adjustments to how much you pay in tax be categorized as income, that's just weird.

I don't break out gross pay / payroll taxes / income taxes as separate expenses.  I tried that, and taxes ended up being 70%+ of my expenses, so it made it harder to track all my other expenses.  I just book my net paycheck as income.

I view tax refunds or expense as an adjustment to my net pay, hence the income categorization.

PhilB

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5796
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6935 on: November 22, 2019, 01:43:30 PM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

It's a bad move, but whatever. You're categorizing your tax refunds wrong. A tax refund should be decreasing your tax expense for the year. Then if you owe money when you file taxes it just increases your tax expense category. At no time should adjustments to how much you pay in tax be categorized as income, that's just weird.

I don't break out gross pay / payroll taxes / income taxes as separate expenses.  I tried that, and taxes ended up being 70%+ of my expenses, so it made it harder to track all my other expenses.  I just book my net paycheck as income.

I view tax refunds or expense as an adjustment to my net pay, hence the income categorization.
Yep.  I find it seriously weird that anyone wouldn't do it that way with direct taxes.

RWD

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6595
  • Location: Arizona
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6936 on: November 22, 2019, 02:30:55 PM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

It's a bad move, but whatever. You're categorizing your tax refunds wrong. A tax refund should be decreasing your tax expense for the year. Then if you owe money when you file taxes it just increases your tax expense category. At no time should adjustments to how much you pay in tax be categorized as income, that's just weird.

I don't break out gross pay / payroll taxes / income taxes as separate expenses.  I tried that, and taxes ended up being 70%+ of my expenses, so it made it harder to track all my other expenses.  I just book my net paycheck as income.

I view tax refunds or expense as an adjustment to my net pay, hence the income categorization.
Yep.  I find it seriously weird that anyone wouldn't do it that way with direct taxes.
I tend to prioritize correctness in my accounting. So I split my paycheck into net pay, federal tax, medicare tax, social security tax, state tax, 401k contribution, HSA contribution, and health insurance. This way my gross income is correct and everything will match my W2. When generating reports on my expenses it is easy to exclude income taxes if I want because they are all under the same subcategory so it doesn't cause any problems that they make up 41% of my total expenses.

dragoncar

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9930
  • Registered member
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6937 on: November 22, 2019, 03:35:06 PM »
This year I made the call to sell some investments to pay off the mortgage.  This was the right call for our family and I don't need to re-hash the debate of whether this is a good move or a bad move.

MP: I'll probably owe a small amount (net) in taxes this year due to capital gains.  Since I categorize any tax refunds as "other income" (since it's usually a refund), my financial tracking spreadsheets will have an annoying row of negative income for all of 2020.

It's a bad move, but whatever. You're categorizing your tax refunds wrong. A tax refund should be decreasing your tax expense for the year. Then if you owe money when you file taxes it just increases your tax expense category. At no time should adjustments to how much you pay in tax be categorized as income, that's just weird.

I don't break out gross pay / payroll taxes / income taxes as separate expenses.  I tried that, and taxes ended up being 70%+ of my expenses, so it made it harder to track all my other expenses.  I just book my net paycheck as income.

I view tax refunds or expense as an adjustment to my net pay, hence the income categorization.
Yep.  I find it seriously weird that anyone wouldn't do it that way with direct taxes.

Yeah thatís what I do too.  Itís just not important to me what my ďtax expenseĒ is independent of income, since itís always tied to income.  I count the property taxes as housing expenses.

RWD, do you also track sales tax separate from purchases? That would be extremely correct

RWD

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6595
  • Location: Arizona
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6938 on: November 22, 2019, 04:57:16 PM »
RWD, do you also track sales tax separate from purchases? That would be extremely correct

Yes, I do.

dragoncar

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9930
  • Registered member
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6939 on: November 22, 2019, 07:14:29 PM »
RWD, do you also track sales tax separate from purchases? That would be extremely correct

Yes, I do.

I think you probably arenít getting a good return on your time there, but at least you are consistent

RWD

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6595
  • Location: Arizona
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6940 on: November 22, 2019, 08:14:24 PM »
RWD, do you also track sales tax separate from purchases? That would be extremely correct

Yes, I do.

I think you probably arenít getting a good return on your time there, but at least you are consistent

Yeah, although it is neat to see the breakdown I've never deducted sales tax on my tax return so it doesn't have much practical use. I've been doing it for nearly eight years now so it's kinda second nature. Fortunately GnuCash auto-populates your splits using the last transaction with the same description so for my paychecks there is almost no continued effort to do the detailed splits and for things like sales tax on grocery shopping it's just a matter of changing the values.

Teachstache

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 228
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6941 on: November 24, 2019, 05:28:04 AM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.


Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.

cupcakery

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 154
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6942 on: November 24, 2019, 06:28:04 AM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies. 

Morning Glory

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4880
  • Location: The Garden Path
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6943 on: November 24, 2019, 07:32:16 AM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies.

I love 4 year olds!!! When asked what he wanted for his birthday, mine replied "we can eat birthday cake and someone will take my picture"

Teachstache

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 228
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6944 on: November 24, 2019, 02:35:28 PM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies.

I love 4 year olds!!! When asked what he wanted for his birthday, mine replied "we can eat birthday cake and someone will take my picture"

@ Aunt Petunia, sounds about right for a 4 year old 😊

Morning Glory

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4880
  • Location: The Garden Path
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6945 on: November 24, 2019, 05:42:42 PM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies.

I love 4 year olds!!! When asked what he wanted for his birthday, mine replied "we can eat birthday cake and someone will take my picture"

@ Aunt Petunia, sounds about right for a 4 year old 😊

I asked him about Christmas earlier and he wants a pencil and an orange and a sock.

Freedomin5

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6533
    • FIRE Countdown
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6946 on: November 24, 2019, 11:11:00 PM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies.

I love 4 year olds!!! When asked what he wanted for his birthday, mine replied "we can eat birthday cake and someone will take my picture"

@ Aunt Petunia, sounds about right for a 4 year old 😊

I asked him about Christmas earlier and he wants a pencil and an orange and a sock.

Just one sock?

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 22384
  • Age: 66
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6947 on: November 24, 2019, 11:35:13 PM »
3.  When it is Christmas and your kids can't think of anything to add to their Christmas lists, but you really want to give them a present, so you have to be creative and give them an experience.  Very stressful.

4.  When everyone at work goes to Disney every year and feels bad for you because you didn't go and then talks about all of their debt payments.  Meanwhile you cash flowed a wonderful vacation that cost significantly less and your kids can't stop talking about how much they enjoyed it.




Spouse and I both have time off between Christmas and New Year's every year. Combined with our son's school break, this equates to a great time to take an off season vacation to see family. We plan to see 4 national parks & his cousins between Dec 26 & January 4th. This is my bucket list vacation, not Disney.

Many people have been asking 4 year old son what he wants for Christmas. His answer: a Christmas tree & Christmas cookies, and seeing his cousins. They keep asking him, "no but what things do you want?" After a long pause, he responds with "I want to buy more books at the library." Such simple wishes.


We often go for a short getaway or give the kids tickets to things like snow tubing parks or shows.  They seem to enjoy that a lot more than stuff, but trying to come up with something every year stresses me out!  That is super cute about the tree and cookies.

I love 4 year olds!!! When asked what he wanted for his birthday, mine replied "we can eat birthday cake and someone will take my picture"

@ Aunt Petunia, sounds about right for a 4 year old 😊

I asked him about Christmas earlier and he wants a pencil and an orange and a sock.

Just one sock?
Of course. It's to hold the orange and the pencil.

Just Joe

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6783
  • Location: In the middle....
  • Teach me something.
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6948 on: November 25, 2019, 03:51:00 PM »

Poundwise

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2077
Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #6949 on: November 25, 2019, 04:11:09 PM »
Quote from: frugalnacho link=topic=20725.msg2501305#msg2501305
Yea I get that, but I would prefer she just do something nice.  If you really insist on spending money just buy a nice piece of meat (like a rib roast) and cook us dinner.  We would really enjoy that and would also get to spend some time together enjoying a nice meal that we don't normally get to eat.  Win-win.  What I don't need is special wine glasses when I don't drink wine.  Or charms to put on said wine glasses.  Or some piece of cheap jewelry that I will never wear because I hate jewelry.  I know she enjoys giving me something, but the vast majority of things I get from her are complete junk that I don't need. I would prefer she spends it taking us out, or cooking us dinner, or just taking care of themselves financially so that I don't have to.

I think the reason she is giving you this stuff is because she doesn't know what else to give. Give her a list and you'll probably find the quality of her gifts improving.

Just seeing frugalnacho's post... I can think of other reasons why people give gifts that other people don't like.  I have a relative who gives gifts that she bought for herself but then decided she didn't like; or because she enjoys the experience of shopping in certain stores; or enjoys the experience of getting a bargain.  It's frustrating when the gift is more about the giver than the giftee.