I usually let everyone think that I'm riding the struggle bus. I'm pretty sure I blew my cover this morning.
I smell a good story, is there a way to tell it but anonymize it?
Not that good. My parents jokingly asked if I had $1500 that they could borrow to fix something on their house and were kind of shocked when not only did I have it, but that it wasn't that big of a deal. I've covered a few things for them in the past (large car repair bill while they were 300 miles from home on vacation, for example) but this will be the first time that it's something that won't be immediately paid back. I'm not that worried about it, because they're my parents and they've done so much to help me. But, I don't want my brother to find out because he hit me up awhile back for $25k.
Reminds me of when I loaned my parents $1500 at 9% or 10% interest while I was a college student paying my own way with part-time jobs. Their air conditioner went out and they asked me to help them pay for it. It was helpful they taught me to keep a little receipt book for payments and to account for the loan, but if they had those skills why did they need to borrow $1500 from a 19 year old college student?
Were your parents trying to ultimately help you out by paying you that interest and teaching you skills? Or was that an unintended benefit?
I've considered that it might have been some sort of lesson - though lending money to relatives is always a bad idea. I have no access to their finances to prove they needed the loan, but in general money has always burnt a hole in their pockets. I might have actually been their best option to borrow at the time. Loans were a lot more expensive back then, and 10% was probably a fair rate for an unsecured bank loan.
It also seems like any benefit would be offset by the emotional injury of making a 19 year old fear for their parent's financial well being.
That was actually the good lesson. It made me into a cheap bastard. Teenage rebelliousness via frugality.
Yeah...I learned to be cheap from stressing about my parents financial dire straights too, it doesn't mean it's an emotionally optimal way to learn that lesson, from a mental health perspective.
One can spin their parents' financial mistakes in a positive direction though.
I had some teenage anger at the parents about "why can't we have nice things so I can be more popular and confident", which was replaced by 20-something irritation that there will be no old family money because there are things to waste money on. But this was replaced by 30-something respect for what my parents managed to accomplish even though they didn't play the game perfectly right (no one can) and even though they couldn't know what I now know. This in turn was replaced by 40-something vows to apply inter-generational learning and take accountability in these same areas, and to take the lessons of their failures as a gift of treasure, won through suffering.
Probably by my 50's I'll be taking care of my parents and in-laws in some ways, as they did for their own, and thinking about life and the stories we weave in an even more holistic way than could ever be possible for a trust fund baby, trapped as they are in their own parents' shadows. I, on the other hand, feel like the shining star in terms of finance. My parents know it, and are proud to see me doing so much better financially than they have ever done, even if their tears were my teacher.
My thoughts are already trending in these directions, and they get deeper, more satisfying, and more meaningful the more I contemplate them. Not in an arrogant way - more like a "now I understand something" way.
Some would call this a "spiritual" journey but that fuzzy word lacks a universally agreed upon definition. Instead I'll call it a quest to discover one's best self through understanding one's history, through being humbled by life's challenges while yet feeling gratitude for the many intentional and unintentional lessons received from the elders, and by obtaining an intellectual framework which allows for breakthroughs in success across generations.
I suspect key personality-shaping realizations at the core of my identity and process were taught to me through my parents' struggles with money, status, the excitement of impulsive purchases, long-term thought, and balancing the pressures of life and love. They made me less mainstream and inadvertently taught me to question their status quo and the goodness of all the things that are for sale. I would be an unremarkable drone without these thoughts, which are my real inheritance. It was the thoughts that made me a millionaire more so than any hard work I can claim to have done.
I pity those whose parents were perfect enough that they get no epiphanies about the traps of life. They are like orphans.
Being my parents' friendly banker at the age of 19 was actually confidence inspiring, even if this was purely my framing of the situation. If the whole thing was a setup, it worked in ways only a parental and financial genius could have anticipated.