MMM has ruined my life (Clickbait)

[WSUCoug1994]

Prior to 2014 I was just fine.......working towards a rewarding retirement in my late 50's to early 60's as I had always been a good saver (40-60%) and I had a job that I really enjoyed as much as you can really enjoy a job.  Then I get turned on to this whole FIRE phenomenon and become obsessed.  Now I am travel hacking, managing my costs and further optimizing my investments to get me closer to FIRE.

I am a type-A, extrovert for sure and I am highly motivated and goal oriented (to a fault if you ask my wife).  I think I am now much more frustrated than ever before because I know FIRE is achievable (likely another 7 years (worst case scenario) for me at age 52) but it is still so far away.  I am lucky because I have a job that due to seniority in my field enables me to make a stupid amount of money.  I am also not a MMM hardcore - for example I could cut my living expenses much further than I have and retire tomorrow if I wanted to - but we as a family have made a decision to continue on our current path to 52.  As a family we have discussed this ad nauseam. 

I have literally read every single post on this forum and others like it - like I said I am obsessed and I know that I could easily downsize and make some difficult changes that would enable me to retire tomorrow.  That is not the advice I am seeking. 

What I would like to know is how have others been able to manage your time/energy/resources not to obsess about FIRE during the journey itself.  I have tried avoiding this site, tried different podcasts other than personal finance, locked down the spreadsheets and stayed away from Mint but I can't seem to stay away.  How do I get more enjoyment out of the journey as opposed to just being obsessed about the final destination?

FWIW - I am being dramatic - I am not depressed and I have an absolutely wonderful life and my family/friends bring me so much joy, laughter and learning.   I am just looking so forward to being free from this job/stress it is hard to see the forest through the trees.  Teach me sensei(s)......I need guidance.

[mozar]

It sounds to me like you haven't made peace with the decision to work until 52. You should listen to your gut.

[Cornel_Westside]

Sounds like you basically want the free time from FIRE, but your family is holding you back, probably in pursuit of a different lifestyle. Convincing them is probably difficult, but you also have some agency here. They can't make you work.

But a good compromise is to FIRE with your current stash (which I assume is substantial, since you say you could FIRE with some lifestyle downsizing), and attempt to either find a side hustle that pays enough to keep you afloat, or to work part time. If you have some seniority or high level skills, maybe you could consult part-time? Maybe you could convince your company to let you work 30 hours a week in exchange for reduction of pay? Maybe you could convince them to give you a sabbatical?

[RobFIRE]

Well, the age-old advice of "live in the moment" is what I try to do.

[Sibley]

If you don't like your job, why don't your find another one?

Also, when you reference your "family", who does that include? Your children? Because they don't get to make these types of decisions - you and your spouse do. Children are along for the ride until they grow up and make their own decisions. If you choose to sell the big house and move to a smaller one, they will adjust. Its you and your spouse who need to be on board.

To answer your question, I'm satisfied with my financial progress. Yes, I have goals and dreams, but I'm either happy with my life or I'm working on fixing what's making me unhappy. It seems that you're not.

[meatface]

You need to develop a new, consuming hobby that takes your mind off money. Or just be happy, despite the amount of money you have, like a dog.

“Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld

[madamwitty]

After I found MMM, I went through an obsessive phase where I couldn't think about anything else than FIRE. I felt like FIRE was the answer to everything and that I couldn't be happy until FIRE.  FIRE seemed so appealing because it seemed like a magic bullet to fix my problems. But then I realized the real problem was that I was actually bored with my home life - the job was not the problem at all (ok, only a little bit). I found ways to spend more time on hobbies and dates with DH, and now I am not so obsessed.

Drill down and figure out what is the real problem you think FIRE will fix. If it really is the job, maybe you can find something else with lower stress, better co-workers, fewer hours, etc. Or maybe it's not even the job at all.

[onewayfamily]

There's been a lot of good advice so I'll just add in something counter-intuitive incase it helps you:

- maybe just indulge your obsession for a bit longer. What I mean by this is that it might be that your subconscious self feels like something is still unfulfilled or hasn't been expressed yet. The obsession will die down on it's own I think, once that need has been fulfilled or you just simply start getting bored of it.

[WSUCoug1994]

First of all - thank you for the thoughts and advice.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond. 

It sounds to me like you haven't made peace with the decision to work until 52. You should listen to your gut.

This is clearly part of the problem - I am ready to go now if given the option.

After I found MMM, I went through an obsessive phase where I couldn't think about anything else than FIRE. I felt like FIRE was the answer to everything and that I couldn't be happy until FIRE.  FIRE seemed so appealing because it seemed like a magic bullet to fix my problems. But then I realized the real problem was that I was actually bored with my home life - the job was not the problem at all (ok, only a little bit). I found ways to spend more time on hobbies and dates with DH, and now I am not so obsessed.

Drill down and figure out what is the real problem you think FIRE will fix. If it really is the job, maybe you can find something else with lower stress, better co-workers, fewer hours, etc. Or maybe it's not even the job at all.

I am blessed with amazing home life.  My wife and our 15 month old daughter are the primary reason I want to quit working so I can hang out with them.  As I thought about your question, I think that after 24 years of 80-100 hour highly stressful weeks has taken a toll on my mental and physical health.  I am in desperate need of getting back in shape.  I am sure that will help. 

You need to develop a new, consuming hobby that takes your mind off money. Or just be happy, despite the amount of money you have, like a dog.

“Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld

You are right.....I need to make room for a hobby and slow things down on the work front.

If you don't like your job, why don't your find another one?

Also, when you reference your "family", who does that include? Your children? Because they don't get to make these types of decisions - you and your spouse do. Children are along for the ride until they grow up and make their own decisions. If you choose to sell the big house and move to a smaller one, they will adjust. Its you and your spouse who need to be on board.

To answer your question, I'm satisfied with my financial progress. Yes, I have goals and dreams, but I'm either happy with my life or I'm working on fixing what's making me unhappy. It seems that you're not.

If I am being honest with myself I actually love my job, the people and there is a high-level of satisfaction with my role/industry.  What I don't love is is the stress and the hours.  The skills I have don't translate well to other areas or functions and would likely pay me less than 10% of what I make in my current role.  Maybe I am feeling trapped.

It is my wife and I (we have a 15 month old daughter).  Although we have some unique aspects of our broader family life that are likely going to impact us down the road (them living with us).  She is fine with downsizing - I am more of the issue.  Honestly, I am very happy.  I just think that after working this hard for this long that I am burnt out.

Sounds like you basically want the free time from FIRE, but your family is holding you back, probably in pursuit of a different lifestyle. Convincing them is probably difficult, but you also have some agency here. They can't make you work.

But a good compromise is to FIRE with your current stash (which I assume is substantial, since you say you could FIRE with some lifestyle downsizing), and attempt to either find a side hustle that pays enough to keep you afloat, or to work part time. If you have some seniority or high level skills, maybe you could consult part-time? Maybe you could convince your company to let you work 30 hours a week in exchange for reduction of pay? Maybe you could convince them to give you a sabbatical?

I am in a bit of a unique situation because all of the previous 20+ years of work has led to my earning potential now.  I do have the option to downshift and/or take a sabbatical or hell I could go out on my own but these are my prime earning years in this career.  So I figure it is best to maximize the earnings while the economy is strong and then take a sabbatical if we see more of a bear market coming as my job is pretty reflective of the global macro-economy.  But this is sage advice.  This is likely the right solution for me.

[WSUCoug1994]

There's been a lot of good advice so I'll just add in something counter-intuitive incase it helps you:

- maybe just indulge your obsession for a bit longer. What I mean by this is that it might be that your subconscious self feels like something is still unfulfilled or hasn't been expressed yet. The obsession will die down on it's own I think, once that need has been fulfilled or you just simply start getting bored of it.

I like this advice as well.  What is funny is that professionally I have exceeded everyone's expectations but my own to some degree.  My insiders feel that I will likely lose my mind if I retire early without the stress/responsibility/achievement that comes with my work.  I might need to dig a little deeper on this subject.....thank you.

[BTDretire]

There's been a lot of good advice so I'll just add in something counter-intuitive incase it helps you:

- maybe just indulge your obsession for a bit longer. What I mean by this is that it might be that your subconscious self feels like something is still unfulfilled or hasn't been expressed yet. The obsession will die down on it's own I think, once that need has been fulfilled or you just simply start getting bored of it.

I like this advice as well.  What is funny is that professionally I have exceeded everyone's expectations but my own to some degree.  My insiders feel that I will likely lose my mind if I retire early without the stress/responsibility/achievement that comes with my work.  I might need to dig a little deeper on this subject.....thank you.

Ahh! you said it before I got to write it. Are you sure you will be comfortable not having the work to fill some of your time.
My wife and I have a small business, I retired in January and worked much harder doing repairs and delayed maintenance on cars, home and business for 3 months then I settled down to routine that was a lot of internet surfing, tracking NW and stock market watching. I tried to step out and did a few hikes and bike riding, but then tired of that.
All this while my wife is working 70+ hours a week. Ya, I took over some of the household chores, but I'm finding I can't get motivated to
do any of my hobby interests.
 Now that summer has come along there is need for me to help at least 3 to 4 hrs a day at the business, I'm not sure this isn't a little helpful to me mentally even though, I wish she would decide to retire also. You sound way more driven than I am so I think it might be more difficult for you to just stop work.

[Davnasty]

If I am being honest with myself I actually love my job, the people and there is a high-level of satisfaction with my role/industry.  What I don't love is is the stress and the hours.  The skills I have don't translate well to other areas or functions and would likely pay me less than 10% of what I make in my current role.  Maybe I am feeling trapped.

Holy shit

[life_travel]

I know you said you as a family had discussed it many times but basically it's either your current lifestyle and working 80 hours a week or downsizing ?
My perspective . I was in a similar situation only a year ago , earning big ( same job with another employer would be 40% max), working crazy hours , getting burned out. The sad irony of our situation was that big money wasn't saved , it went all on servicing debt from post GFC mess :( not consumer debt , just bad investments .
After 5 years I felt trapped , resentful, unhappy, unfit and my marriage suffered . In a strange twist , my workload reduced suddenly ( loss of large client by our team), my money dropped .
In December I started taking lunches every day, leaving on time , started yoga and other classes 4 times a week, started biking ... My life changed!!
Now I work less, earn less but rather have this work life balance . It was forced upon me but it was really a blessing . We just downsized to smaller cheaper place so our decision was to keep downscaling our expenses and stop working soon- ish than to have one of us ( or both) to burn out to the point that our health will suffer irreparably.

[toocold]

FIRE means different things to different people.  For you, is it about having gobs of money?  Is it about getting more control over your time?  Is it about becoming less dependent on your job?  Is it about retiring and playing golf all day?  Is it about pursuing a passion?

I think knowing the why is more important than tracking how you get there. 

For me, I was pursuing a career for prestige (title), power (direct reports), and money (who doesn't want to be rich?).  I was feeling burnt out as well.  After I hit FI, I long reflected on what I was trying to achieve and came to the following realizations: having a cool title doesn't mean much; having almost 1500 people report to you is a PITA, especially when you need to do RIFs; I was never a big spender so we were living on less than 10% of my gross income; my young kids were getting used to daddy traveling for business ALL THE TIME; and I was starting to feel heart palpitations from anxiety and stress.  So, when I got a job offer from another company with even a cooler title, more money, and broader responsibilities, I chose not to take the offer and came to a (gut wrenching) decision that I was fine no longer climbing the treadmill.  Soon after I took a staff role where my travel was cut by 80%, and now I get to spend more time with the family every night.  And frankly, I didn't need to be FI - I should have started much earlier.

Why do you want to FI?  RE?

[Villanelle]

I'd bet that there are a lot of things you could cut and be just fine with.  If you are making a salary that other jobs would pay 1/10 of, then I'm guessing you are making close to half a million dollars a year, give or take.  That means you are spending an absolute fuck ton of money. 

So if you want to stop working sooner, post a full case study.  You'll take some face punches, but you might find some meaningful and fairly easy cuts.  I am guessing your mixed feelings about all this is in part because a part of you realized you absolutely could cut more. 

[Capt j-rod]

My wife just changed jobs which resulted in a 40% decrease in her pay. I am self employed so my income varies quite a bit. She was and still is one of those employees that makes things happen and can't say no. Employers love to exploit this niceness and make it into profit. She sadly had to leave once she began to burn out because they didn't think she would leave. Moral of the story is thanks to the MMM community we had always spent way less than the paychecks. Will we maintain our 60+% savings? probably not. Did I purchase rentals and other investments with the previous earnings? you bet your ass I did. Start to restructure your lives to have the flexibility in the workforce. Unless you are working for a family business I can't believe that your skills only will generate 10% in a new company.

[ducky19]

If I am being honest with myself I actually love my job, the people and there is a high-level of satisfaction with my role/industry.  What I don't love is is the stress and the hours.  The skills I have don't translate well to other areas or functions and would likely pay me less than 10% of what I make in my current role.  Maybe I am feeling trapped.

OP, I am in very much the same situation as you - most days I love my job, but there are some days the stress gets to me. My skills also wouldn't transfer well to another field, so I get that same trapped feeling. I am fortunate enough to work for a large corporation where my experience is valued, so I do have the potential to find another position that offers less stress with similar pay - it's just hard to find at the moment. I am actively looking and working hard at finding that perfect position to spend the last 7-8 years of my career.

I am in a bit of a unique situation because all of the previous 20+ years of work has led to my earning potential now.  I do have the option to downshift and/or take a sabbatical or hell I could go out on my own but these are my prime earning years in this career.  So I figure it is best to maximize the earnings while the economy is strong and then take a sabbatical if we see more of a bear market coming as my job is pretty reflective of the global macro-economy.  But this is sage advice.  This is likely the right solution for me.

Also in my peak earning years now, making what is an obscene amount of money for the LCOL area we are in. This makes it especially hard to just walk away. I felt obsessed with FIRE at first too, thinking I couldn't be happy until then. Something that has helped me out is to accept that FIRE (on my terms, at least) is still at least 7-8 years away, and then find joy in the journey. FIRE is not the answer to your happiness - you are. A simple trick I use is to think of ten things that happened in my day that were awesome. At first it will seem hard, but the longer you look you will find that there's probably a lot more than ten each day. Enjoy the simple things, the small victories, and remember you're not guaranteed tomorrow. This has really helped me accept where I am in life and I'm much happier as a result. I am still focused on FIRE, but taking great satisfaction in the journey as well. Best of luck to you.

[TartanTallulah]

I have literally read every single post on this forum and others like it - like I said I am obsessed and I know that I could easily downsize and make some difficult changes that would enable me to retire tomorrow.  That is not the advice I am seeking. 

What I would like to know is how have others been able to manage your time/energy/resources not to obsess about FIRE during the journey itself.  I have tried avoiding this site, tried different podcasts other than personal finance, locked down the spreadsheets and stayed away from Mint but I can't seem to stay away.  How do I get more enjoyment out of the journey as opposed to just being obsessed about the final destination?

I agree with the advice that onewayfamily offers. Roll with the obsession while it lasts. Soak up the knowledge. There are only a few truths and principles in the savings and investments business, but they'll stick better if you read and reinforce them many times over, expressed in different styles of writing and from different perspectives. In time other interests will crowd in and displace your current hunger for knowledge about this topic, but if you've learned the fundamental lessons thoroughly they'll stick with you, just as I can still put a name to anything that grows in an English garden even though it's almost 20 years since I was hooked on The Royal Horticultural Society handbooks and spent my weekends visiting garden centres and optimistically burying bundles of roots in my back yard.

And never lose sight of the fact that no amount of poring over FI sites and net worth calculators will get you to FIRE. Earning big and investing wisely NOW will do that.

[Bucksandreds]

First of all - thank you for the thoughts and advice.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond. 

It sounds to me like you haven't made peace with the decision to work until 52. You should listen to your gut.

This is clearly part of the problem - I am ready to go now if given the option.

After I found MMM, I went through an obsessive phase where I couldn't think about anything else than FIRE. I felt like FIRE was the answer to everything and that I couldn't be happy until FIRE.  FIRE seemed so appealing because it seemed like a magic bullet to fix my problems. But then I realized the real problem was that I was actually bored with my home life - the job was not the problem at all (ok, only a little bit). I found ways to spend more time on hobbies and dates with DH, and now I am not so obsessed.

Drill down and figure out what is the real problem you think FIRE will fix. If it really is the job, maybe you can find something else with lower stress, better co-workers, fewer hours, etc. Or maybe it's not even the job at all.

I am blessed with amazing home life.  My wife and our 15 month old daughter are the primary reason I want to quit working so I can hang out with them.  As I thought about your question, I think that after 24 years of 80-100 hour highly stressful weeks has taken a toll on my mental and physical health.  I am in desperate need of getting back in shape.  I am sure that will help. 

You need to develop a new, consuming hobby that takes your mind off money. Or just be happy, despite the amount of money you have, like a dog.

“Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld

You are right.....I need to make room for a hobby and slow things down on the work front.

If you don't like your job, why don't your find another one?

Also, when you reference your "family", who does that include? Your children? Because they don't get to make these types of decisions - you and your spouse do. Children are along for the ride until they grow up and make their own decisions. If you choose to sell the big house and move to a smaller one, they will adjust. Its you and your spouse who need to be on board.

To answer your question, I'm satisfied with my financial progress. Yes, I have goals and dreams, but I'm either happy with my life or I'm working on fixing what's making me unhappy. It seems that you're not.

If I am being honest with myself I actually love my job, the people and there is a high-level of satisfaction with my role/industry.  What I don't love is is the stress and the hours.  The skills I have don't translate well to other areas or functions and would likely pay me less than 10% of what I make in my current role.  Maybe I am feeling trapped.

It is my wife and I (we have a 15 month old daughter).  Although we have some unique aspects of our broader family life that are likely going to impact us down the road (them living with us).  She is fine with downsizing - I am more of the issue.  Honestly, I am very happy.  I just think that after working this hard for this long that I am burnt out.

Sounds like you basically want the free time from FIRE, but your family is holding you back, probably in pursuit of a different lifestyle. Convincing them is probably difficult, but you also have some agency here. They can't make you work.

But a good compromise is to FIRE with your current stash (which I assume is substantial, since you say you could FIRE with some lifestyle downsizing), and attempt to either find a side hustle that pays enough to keep you afloat, or to work part time. If you have some seniority or high level skills, maybe you could consult part-time? Maybe you could convince your company to let you work 30 hours a week in exchange for reduction of pay? Maybe you could convince them to give you a sabbatical?

I am in a bit of a unique situation because all of the previous 20+ years of work has led to my earning potential now.  I do have the option to downshift and/or take a sabbatical or hell I could go out on my own but these are my prime earning years in this career.  So I figure it is best to maximize the earnings while the economy is strong and then take a sabbatical if we see more of a bear market coming as my job is pretty reflective of the global macro-economy.  But this is sage advice.  This is likely the right solution for me.

If the bolded is true then quit now and live with the consequences. You will die much younger if you continue on with that. If you are afraid your wife might leave you the. So be it. If she loves you for your money then find someone else.

[Khan]

If you're that skilled and well rewarded for your skills, would it be possible to change the dynamics? Tell your employer that you will absolutely 100% not put in more than, say, 55 hours a week any longer, and 40 will be what you will default to if at all possible, unless deadlines/reasons? Accept a slightly lower pay, say, 20% or something for that change if they want to horse trade?

[WSUCoug1994]

I'd bet that there are a lot of things you could cut and be just fine with.  If you are making a salary that other jobs would pay 1/10 of, then I'm guessing you are making close to half a million dollars a year, give or take.  That means you are spending an absolute fuck ton of money. 

So if you want to stop working sooner, post a full case study.  You'll take some face punches, but you might find some meaningful and fairly easy cuts.  I am guessing your mixed feelings about all this is in part because a part of you realized you absolutely could cut more.

I appreciate the recommendation on the Case Study - I guess I feel like my expenses are optimized for our goals as most of our expenses are tied up in real estate.  I am also a little more cautious as my wife has MS which will cause our medical expenses to be unusually high.  I don't know that I am trying to retire sooner but looking to find a way to tone down my obsession along the way.

If I am being honest with myself I actually love my job, the people and there is a high-level of satisfaction with my role/industry.  What I don't love is is the stress and the hours.  The skills I have don't translate well to other areas or functions and would likely pay me less than 10% of what I make in my current role.  Maybe I am feeling trapped.

OP, I am in very much the same situation as you - most days I love my job, but there are some days the stress gets to me. My skills also wouldn't transfer well to another field, so I get that same trapped feeling. I am fortunate enough to work for a large corporation where my experience is valued, so I do have the potential to find another position that offers less stress with similar pay - it's just hard to find at the moment. I am actively looking and working hard at finding that perfect position to spend the last 7-8 years of my career.

I am in a bit of a unique situation because all of the previous 20+ years of work has led to my earning potential now.  I do have the option to downshift and/or take a sabbatical or hell I could go out on my own but these are my prime earning years in this career.  So I figure it is best to maximize the earnings while the economy is strong and then take a sabbatical if we see more of a bear market coming as my job is pretty reflective of the global macro-economy.  But this is sage advice.  This is likely the right solution for me.

Also in my peak earning years now, making what is an obscene amount of money for the LCOL area we are in. This makes it especially hard to just walk away. I felt obsessed with FIRE at first too, thinking I couldn't be happy until then. Something that has helped me out is to accept that FIRE (on my terms, at least) is still at least 7-8 years away, and then find joy in the journey. FIRE is not the answer to your happiness - you are. A simple trick I use is to think of ten things that happened in my day that were awesome. At first it will seem hard, but the longer you look you will find that there's probably a lot more than ten each day. Enjoy the simple things, the small victories, and remember you're not guaranteed tomorrow. This has really helped me accept where I am in life and I'm much happier as a result. I am still focused on FIRE, but taking great satisfaction in the journey as well. Best of luck to you.

This is a great idea.  I will start this today.

FIRE means different things to different people.  For you, is it about having gobs of money?  Is it about getting more control over your time?  Is it about becoming less dependent on your job?  Is it about retiring and playing golf all day?  Is it about pursuing a passion?

I think knowing the why is more important than tracking how you get there. 

For me, I was pursuing a career for prestige (title), power (direct reports), and money (who doesn't want to be rich?).  I was feeling burnt out as well.  After I hit FI, I long reflected on what I was trying to achieve and came to the following realizations: having a cool title doesn't mean much; having almost 1500 people report to you is a PITA, especially when you need to do RIFs; I was never a big spender so we were living on less than 10% of my gross income; my young kids were getting used to daddy traveling for business ALL THE TIME; and I was starting to feel heart palpitations from anxiety and stress.  So, when I got a job offer from another company with even a cooler title, more money, and broader responsibilities, I chose not to take the offer and came to a (gut wrenching) decision that I was fine no longer climbing the treadmill.  Soon after I took a staff role where my travel was cut by 80%, and now I get to spend more time with the family every night.  And frankly, I didn't need to be FI - I should have started much earlier.

Why do you want to FI?  RE?

Although I love the influence that I have with my clients as a trusted adviser - I don't manage a large group of people (75).  Most of my role is client facing work - this is what needs to be cut down.  I really need to think more about "Why do you want to FI/RE?"  I thought I knew but taking a deeper look inside is great advice. 

If you're that skilled and well rewarded for your skills, would it be possible to change the dynamics? Tell your employer that you will absolutely 100% not put in more than, say, 55 hours a week any longer, and 40 will be what you will default to if at all possible, unless deadlines/reasons? Accept a slightly lower pay, say, 20% or something for that change if they want to horse trade?

I think this is the direction I need to go.

[Larsg]

I know exactly what you mean. Initially, before MMM I had begun the process of making lifestyle changes so that I could start my own business. Although I made many positive changes that set me up for ER, I could not quite pull the plug to start a business...then I found MMM. I was both relieved and mad at the same time. Relieved that after I had deeply examined all of my finances, that I was far better off than I knew which means options!. I was mad that I had not done it sooner. What a wonderful movement to create self ownership and accountability beyond the narrow grid we were sold into. Sometimes I'be been happy, sometimes I've been ready to quit on the spot. But had never ever....ever considered the opportunity to take the time to reset it all, explore, go back to the beginning and do all the things I wanted to do before all my dreams were eroded away...

Have fun with it, be glad you found it and if you have kids, raise them differently. Imagine what businesses they can create while young. How bout a young investors club to give Motley Fool some competition - e.g. Young Fools or something. They can help set the path for a new generation.

And if you don't have kids, enjoy what you have left and tell everyone you know :).

[Stubblestache]

One of the things I've always taken from Mustachianism as a philosophy as well as a route to FIRE is how much your life can improve if you learn to appreciate the small things. In many ways, I prefer the philosophy to the concept of being FIRE.

The FIRE process is just numbers on a screen until you start cashing out, so if I was in your shoes, I'd take some time to try and recalibrate what I saw as important. It sounds like you have the income/expenditure/investment ratio nailed down in your life, so try and get that bit on autopilot as much as possible and shift your focus to other things. Take up an awesome cheap hobby that you can pour everything into instead. Money and FIRE are a means to an end, not the end itself.

Otherwise, I worry that thinking about it as much as you do is *almost* as problematic as being a consumer sukka, as money has become too big a source of happiness for you in your life.

I know it's not the only source of happiness  for you - you've got your lovely family and whatnot - but the fact you've made this post suggests that it is too big a source of happiness in your life and you could do with a bit of a mental recalibration.

[Linea_Norway]

You're saying that you could FIRE today if you changed your lifestyle completely. By continuing your current lifestyle, you need to work for another 7 years working 80 hours a week earning a great lot. There is such a big difference.

Isn't there any golden way in between? What if you would downsize and implement some other mustachian life choices, can't you then reduce your spending so that you only need to work for another 3 years in your current job?
You said that you read all the MMM articles. Then you know all the things you can save on. With your fantastic income you should be able to increase your savings enormously in few years, if you adjust your spending level as well as your planned spending pattern after FIRE.

About this extended family that would need to move in with you after some time. I hope they will be able to pay living expenses for that? In that case they could finance the bigger house. Or you could still downsize, but buy a house with an extra spare room. If you don't want to downsize, could this family perhaps move in now, so that they could start contributing?

Or like the some others have suggested, work fewer hours at your current job so that it becomes bearable. It sounds like if you would continue like you do now, that both your marriage and your fathership will suffer from it and you might get a burnout.