Living with parents?

[MakingSenseofCents]

Living with parents would definitely save a lot of money. I don't really have the option, so I don't know what I would do. Had to move out at 18. Dad passed away when I was 18 and my mom is insane.

[Mr. Minsc]

From personal experience I see living with one parents as an adult having more negatives than positives.  It becomes far too develop a dependance on them.  Heck, I still stop in for supper three nights a week.

At the moment I have my two brothers living with me, one on medication and the other making a very minimal income.  If they were not with me they'd be back with my parents.  In the short term I'd much rather them at my place where I can hopefully inspire them to take the steps to stand on their own.  This hospitality will have to come to an end sooner than later though.  As much as it'll pain me, I know their lives are not my responsibility.

Edit:  Reading the Millionaire Next Door is really striking a chord on the reality of the situation.

[limeandpepper]

From personal experience I see living with one parents as an adult having more negatives than positives.  It becomes far too develop a dependance on them.  Heck, I still stop in for supper three nights a week.

It really depends. My boyfriend and I live several flight hours away from our parents (about 4 and 8 respectively) and have done so for about 10 years, and don't get to see them often at all. I think we've both proved ourselves to be pretty independent. Living with them, other than saving money, also has the benefit of getting to spend more time with them (and if we move to my boyfriend's family home, the flight to my family home will be shorter, too). None of us are getting any younger. We're still thinking about it!

[acanthurus]

After being one of the very big proponents of living with parents (despite the fact I'm early 30's) and an early poster to that fact in this thread, alas it is finally coming to an end. I accepted a job 2 hours away from my folks, and the pay increase won't be quite enough to compensate me for the higher cost of living. However I'm going to be going from a struggling government contractor that's lost money 4 out of the last 5 years and instead will be working for one of the most recognized Fortune 500 companies in a very lucrative industry with excellent fringe benefits (think 10% 401k match, and very quickly vesting). This could be a job I stay at for a decade or more, or could get me numerous connections with other excellent companies in the industry. Too much potential to pass up, so I have to move.

I'm going to miss living with my folks, it's been a good arrangement and allowed me to save right around 100k USD over the course of the last 16 months (>75% of gross income saved). But it's time to start a new adventure, so I'll be moving out shortly. With the move to this new industry I'll probably be on my own for good, but I'm glad for the time I lived with my folks and I've got one hell of a secure financial footing because of it.

[nktokyo]

I've worked for two Fortune 500 companies and I didn't enjoy either. If this is your first big company experience then I would say to be aware of the following going in:
- Quarterly financial results become really prominent to the point where people make inferior business decisions to prop up a particular number. Be ready to do things that don't make sense.
- They'll probably pay for lots of consultants to come in and do trainings. The results are never great for the firm because quarterly results trump everything but the trainings are gold. I now freelance for $100/hr using the techniques picked up in a 2 day workshop at my previous gig.

[Ozstache]

My two boys in their 20's still live with my wife and I. I used to want them to get out an on their own as soon as they hit adulthood but I found that not only can they save a lot more by living with us but that they are also pretty good company now they are adults. I have two simple financial rules they need to abide by under this arrangement, namely they:

1.  Pay their equal share of household running costs (food, sundries, utilities)
2.  Save what they would be paying to rent such a room in a house and only use that saved money for investment or future accommodation requirements (eg. house  deposit, furniture)

From this arrangement, my wife and I get the good company of our adult children, lower living costs through sharing, knowledge that our boys are looking after themselves and live in dog sitters for when we go away ;-).  In return, my boys get a great room in a clean house, a financial leg up and all the free advice on life they don't want ;-)  Win - Win!

[aj_yooper]

I hope my kids come back. 

I've bought a triplex with this in mind.  One unit is 3 bed and 1 bath and the other is 4 bed 2 bath - the one we'd stay in is 2 bed 2 bath main (no stairs).  There are two small separate yards and one big yard in the back that could be shared.  Nice and close but not too close.

Housing costs are really really high here, we have an ideal location, and they are welcome to buy in. I'll hold the mortgage and if I kick the bucket it will be wiped out anyway. 

Now, my kids, I'm not sure if they will do this.  They're too young now and will probably want to live away for a while first anyway.  I see it as an ideal grandparent scenario - I've already said I'd watch the kids although I'll probably hire a live-in caregiver to help everyone out at that point.  I'm picturing family meals several nights a week.  I do know a family that does this now - they live across the road from each other.  My extended family in Ontario does this too - they live next door to each other.

If this doesn't happen, well, we'll keep renting out or maybe get some same-age friends to see if they want to buy in.

I've always thought families that pooled resources and stayed close were on to something - as long as they can get along.

I like the idea..  At present our son wants to be on his own, but if he were to have children, I am hoping he could see the benefits of the arrangement.  In the past in Chicago, this was also a wealth builder strategy too.

[aj_yooper]

I grew up living next to my grandparents and it was awesome.  Family dinners every weekend and we were very close to them.  My parents bought the property next to them and eventually my mom gave it to my sister and me and we built a house there.  For awhile we had three generations living next to each other.  I think this close family relationship is one of the things that makes me comfortable in my husband's large Asian family.  We're at his parents right now -- stay with them several times a year.  They came to stay with us and help care for DC#1 from the time he was 6 months until he was a year old.  I thought that was awesome -- free childcare from people I knew loved and cared for our son -- but many of my American friends were dumbfounded. 

If/when we move back to the US, I would love to get a duplex or a house with a guesthouse out back and have my mom move in.  We have also joked with family here in China that it would be great for us all to have apartments in the same building (DH has 4 sisters, 3 of whom still live in the same town as his parents).  I love the whole family compound concept.  One of the big downers of our current lifestyle is that we don't live in the same city as either side of the family, so family time is limited to the time we can spend with them during vacations and holidays. 

I think if you have healthy relationships and good boundaries/open communication this kind of arrangement can be win-win all around.  Helps if you have a somewhat detached living space, but we have been fine with shared spaces.  Not taking things too seriously or holding grudges is important.  Good financial habits on all sides also helps to mitigate the mooching factor. 

I am probably a totally wierd outlier on this, but happily so.

I grew up that way too and I loved it as a kid.  I think it could work for some families now too.

[lisahi]

I have lived my parents as an adult--an adult with a great job, actually. But I'm originally from Hawaii where living with your parents is not only culturally accepted and encouraged, but many times a financial necessity given the increase in housing and living costs since the 80s. My parents actually charged me a "subsistance fee" (i.e., rent)--about $500 per month. Far cheaper than I could have rented an apartment for in Honolulu, although I realize that's more than what some folks here are paying for rent.

I could have rented a small apartment, but why? I get along great with my parents, their house was centrally located, I like hanging out with them, and I saved a lot of money that I put towards my private student loan (which I managed to pay off). I moved for work (better job) and they've actually now moved from Hawaii to about two and a half hours from me. They didn't move because of me, though, but because they retired and my mom wanted to move back to where she was originally from.

If my job was in the city they now live, I would totally live with them again (as a single person). My mom would be thrilled.

[acanthurus]

I've worked for two Fortune 500 companies and I didn't enjoy either. If this is your first big company experience then I would say to be aware of the following going in:

I've got two former coworkers in the group I'll be joining (totally networked my way into this one) who say it's significantly better than my current employer, so I'm not too worried. Switching to this company/industry could double my peak career earning potential if I do well.

[exranger06]

I'm 25 years old, working at a great job making good money, and I'm still living with my mom. I am trying to save up to buy a house for my fiancee and myself. She lives with her parents, too. She's made some poor decisions in the past and has a lot of debt and no savings, which I am currently working on with her. So, she can't afford to live on her own. I pay my mom about $175 a week. I mow the lawn, maintain and fix her cars, and do other chores around the house, too. The $175/week covers all utilities including my cell phone, food, and rent. Living here is way cheaper than renting my own place and helps me save for a house much faster. My mom is more than happy to have me around and actually doesn't want me to move out. I, on the other hand, cannot wait to get out and get my own place.

[Iliya Moroumetz]

Yes.  I am.  Not by choice.

Don't misunderstand, I have a good relationship with my mom, but when I couldn't find work when the economy crashed in '09 I had no choice but to move back in my with my mom after both savings and unemployment dried up.

In my case, it was a move of necessity.  There's no problem, really.  All my mom wants is cooked meals when she comes home from work and perhaps that's going to be the case until I graduate again from the culinary program at the local college.

[Mr. Minsc]

My two boys in their 20's still live with my wife and I. I used to want them to get out an on their own as soon as they hit adulthood but I found that not only can they save a lot more by living with us but that they are also pretty good company now they are adults. I have two simple financial rules they need to abide by under this arrangement, namely they:

1.  Pay their equal share of household running costs (food, sundries, utilities)
2.  Save what they would be paying to rent such a room in a house and only use that saved money for investment or future accommodation requirements (eg. house  deposit, furniture)

From this arrangement, my wife and I get the good company of our adult children, lower living costs through sharing, knowledge that our boys are looking after themselves and live in dog sitters for when we go away ;-).  In return, my boys get a great room in a clean house, a financial leg up and all the free advice on life they don't want ;-)  Win - Win!

I suppose it all depends on the arrangement.  If the parents hold firm and ensures the child pays rent and their share of expenses then it would be similar to going out and splitting the costs of a rental with a few roommates.  The only real problem I can see is the child staying home all the time and not giving themselves any exposure to the world around them.

[totoro]

I don't think it is about holding firm with adult children, I think it is about how you have raised your children. 

My theory is that if you are working hard at being a great parent your kids will appreciate this and it will come back to you later in how they approach the relationship.  The opposite seems to be true too. 

This thread has shown that there are some people who would never live with their parents or have them live with them.  This is not the difference between a "good" person and one who is not, but rather an expression of the health of a relationship or maybe a cultural belief system.  You can love your parents where they are at, but have very good reasons not to live with them.  You can also believe and value separation culturally - like most North Americans. 

Then there are other stories of people who like living with their parents and their parents want them to stay.  For me there is nothing better than my kids being near, but I do like my own space sometimes.  Separate suites are ideal for me.

As far as saving money goes, I see no reason not to help my kids out this way.

I was thinking of this yesterday.  We visited a multi-generational house with separate living quarters on a small orchard overlooking the lake.  The son had a small bakery built in the walk-out basement and sold artisan-style pies and bread from the house (and supplied the gourmet groceries in town) and made a living this way.  From a financial point of view, his profit margin is increased while his cost of living is decreased.   Living on the same property and operating a business could result in a very good quality of life and cash flow - and early FI - that would otherwise take years to achieve.

[Mr. Minsc]

I'll say, the grass is always greener. ;)

All said, I do feel fortunate to have as good of relations with my parents as I do.  Especially when compared to others.  There is a wall between us on various issues (much of it my own construction mind you) but I'm sure we can come to an understanding when the time comes.  :)

[minimalist]

I'm 25 years old, working at a great job making good money, and I'm still living with my mom. I am trying to save up to buy a house for my fiancee and myself. She lives with her parents, too. She's made some poor decisions in the past and has a lot of debt and no savings, which I am currently working on with her. So, she can't afford to live on her own. I pay my mom about $175 a week. I mow the lawn, maintain and fix her cars, and do other chores around the house, too. The $175/week covers all utilities including my cell phone, food, and rent. Living here is way cheaper than renting my own place and helps me save for a house much faster. My mom is more than happy to have me around and actually doesn't want me to move out. I, on the other hand, cannot wait to get out and get my own place.

$758 a month to live with your mom in Connecticut seems excessive, unless its in Greenwich or something like that. I pay less than $500 a month for rent, utilities, and food by splitting it with young frugal professionals in DC. My smartphone is another $48 a month and I will be switching to $10 a month prepaid plan when my contract runs out.