Just Retired and already struggling

[WynnDuffy73]

Turns out the old saying “you need to retire to something rather than from something” is true.

I retired a few months ago and I’m already struggling mentally. I retired earlier than planned to help care for my parents who have health problems and require a couple hours each day of my time. (They don’t live with me).  Besides caring for them, I’ve been going to the gym and working on a few projects around the house.   I just signed up to volunteer but it’s only one day a week. 

After a couple of months of this I’m miserable and my anxiety is actually worse than when I was working which is surprising.  I can’t really see going back to the corporate world and working a Walmart type job just seems depressing after having a corporate job.

I know I need to find something fulfilling but I don’t know what that is.  Anyone else experience this early in retirement? Any advice?

[Sibley]

I would see if you can expand the volunteering, or add more (or a part time job). Structure will probably help you get things back on an even keel.

[poxpower]

Same.

At the end of the day mental health's final frontier basically involves brainwashing yourself, really. You can achieve everything you want and have everything anyone could ever desire and still feel like shit and it'll be all because of your mindset and not because you didn't do XYZ thing.

So you need to change your mindset, which in a lot of ways amounts to telling someone to just not be themselves, because part of "themselves" is a depressed miserable person lol.

I feel like people don't admit to this and that instead they sell you endless amounts of tricks, therapies, lifestyle changes and drugs that could just "the one" to finally "cure" you. But putting things in perspective here: Psychiatrists and therapists are not immune to depression or suicide themselves. That hints to you how hard this problem actually is to solve, possibly for some people almost impossible to completely solve.

All that said you can at least make sure your bases are covered; physical fitness, relationships, friends, good sleep, good nutrition... But all of this can still only go so far.

[mistymoney]

what about a lower paid but rewarding nonprofit job to put corporate skills to work?

[Dreamer40]

I retired a year ago and have been quite happy until the past month when I started helping my aging parents who moved to be near me. Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

[FrugalAussie]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think I can relate. I've used work as a strategy to avoid negative feelings for the last 30 + years and now I'm not working I have a lot of time to think and feel.  I only just FIRE'd so, for the time being, I'm taking notice of the feelings without engaging with them (Acceptance). This morning I woke in a rage, with some awareness of past hurt. I hypothesis that my brain is processing in my sleep. At this stage I'm not too concerned, focusing on self-compassion and self-care including lots of sleep and exercise, in the hope that eventually my brain will process what it needs to. I'll probably engage in journaling and art to help the processing along. I've FIRE'd before and returned to work when my I struggled with my mental health. I don't want to do that this time so my mantra is, "work is not the answer" eg. I feel like I lack motivation, direction, purpose, so my mood is low -> "work is not the answer", therefore if work is not the answer, what else can I do to manage/process distressing emotions rather than avoid them?

I hope you find your answer. In my experience Anxiety is not to be underestimated, it  can be very impactful, unpleasant and harmful. 

[Ladychips]

Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

+1

[herbgeek]

Yes, I can relate.

I've been retired for 3 years, and still find there are holes in my day that need to be filled.  After 30+ years of working, and never having enough time to even cover the basics, its a big adjustment to having more time than projects.  I am learning to be comfortable with occasional boredom.  A routine helps- as there is automatic stuff I do each day/week, so I don't have to fill ALL the time.

I have lots of seasonal projects - I'm an avid gardener who finally has time to do more of those projects in my head.  I struggle more with the off season, where I fill that time with making things and learning things.  Covid has put a damper on things, as I'd intended to travel a lot more.  I'd hoped to have made more friends by now- its a little harder in that I retired early-ish (58), all my existing friends are still working, and the places where I do things tend to have folks 20 years older than me and limited in mobility.  I've learned to be comfortable hiking in town alone.

The pull of going back to a corporate job though has eased.  While I liked the work, the politics and patriarchy wore me down, and since I don't need the money, why would I bother with that?  I do a little volunteer work here and there, but only on my time and to my liking.  I'm not going to do disagreeable work for free, or put up with petty bs for free.

I'm still finding my place after 3 years, and I expect this will be ongoing.

[Dicey]

Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

+1

Yup. The issue is the stressful parent situation, not that you are FIRE. Your brain knows this will only get worse, and is freaking out.  IMO, volunteering more is not the answer. I retired and my MIL and her pal AL Z. Heimer moved in with us, so I have walked this path. My suggestion is to start planning for their future now. Figure out what help is available and get started on a support system that will shift some of the burden of care. I finally got my MIL into a respite program and it made a world of difference for both of us.  Best wishes to you!

[Cranky]

My dh retired last year, and it’s been really hard for him. He loved his job until the pandemic (and the stuff the university took the opportunity to do given the excuse of the pandemic.) Watching him work at home for a year and a half, I think that a lot of what he loved was a big social circle and a lot of positive feedback.

We also moved out of state last year, and he is finding those holes really, really hard to fill. He doesn’t have an existing  network to tap into. He is pretty darned bored, honestly, as he never had an awful lot of other interests and things he thought he might do haven’t been hugely satisfying.

I think it’s just going to take some time and finding the right activities.

I have a set of interests that have been fairly easy to connect with here, plus I actually have more household work, not less, so I’m pretty interested in getting dh involved in something!

[BigEasyStache]

Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

+1

+2

[SavinMaven]

At the end of the day mental health's final frontier basically involves brainwashing yourself, really. You can achieve everything you want and have everything anyone could ever desire and still feel like shit and it'll be all because of your mindset and not because you didn't do XYZ thing.

So you need to change your mindset, which in a lot of ways amounts to telling someone to just not be themselves, because part of "themselves" is a depressed miserable person lol.

I feel like people don't admit to this and that instead they sell you endless amounts of tricks, therapies, lifestyle changes and drugs that could just "the one" to finally "cure" you.

I feel like truer words about mental health were never spoken.

Brainwashing might be a startling term, but in the end, the notion that you have to "put on" a different mindset like it's a costume, UNTIL it fits, not BECAUSE it fits, sums up my journey to date. I wonder if I'd heard this 20 years ago if I would've gotten to where I am now any faster?

[Nutty]

For aging parents, there are several programs that are insurance or state provided.  Start looking into them now so you know what is offered and when to ask for help.  Respite is wonderful and you need a good case worker to help.  They will tell you when it's time for Hospice and will prepare both of you.  The help these programs provided took a lot of weight off.  I am thankful for them.  They also helped the person have something to look forward to and someone (not you) to converse with.  Helps them too.

I wish you the best and am still several years away, but looking forward.  I wish you the best.  We have a wonderful and wonderfully experienced community here.

[LifeHappens]

OP you didn't so much retire as switch jobs. You're now a primary caretaker for aging parents. That is a very stressful job.

[Dee18]

Your situation is much harder than the average retirement because (1) you have a significant responsibility with an outcome you can't control, and (2) you are "stuck" where you are because of that obligation.  Plus, having a pandemic complicates everything, and adds additional stress.  I am responsible for my elderly mother, but years ago she chose to stay in her city rather than move to mine and she has more than sufficient financial resources.  So I do not do the day to day caregiving.  I handle all the finances, medical scheduling, etc, and visit frequently, but she lives in a senior complex with a nice apartment, three delicious meals a day, and plenty of people to interact with.  I also, just recently, managed to hire a social worker who visits her weekly to make sure all her needs are being met when I'm not there and who goes with her to medical appointments.  Even with all that, I find it stressful--especially because she has very significant memory loss so every daily phone call for a couple weeks may be a repeat of the same conversation.  She is still my mother and I love her dearly, but we do not have the mother-daughter relationship that brought us much pleasure over the years.  We cannot talk about fun vacations or other shared events of the past because she denies that they happened.   

I enjoy planning for a trip as much as the actual trip, so in your position I would plan a trip somewhere several months out, arranging for alternate care for my parents while I was gone.  I also find that spending lots of time in nature helps with my anxiety, but your joy may come from something completely different.  I have also made some new friends, including people much older, to find others who are free during the day and share my interests.

For me it took a year to settle into retirement, but now I love it.  I hope the same happens for you.

[Ron Scott]

Turns out the old saying “you need to retire to something rather than from something” is true.

Exactly.

For most people under 60 and for many older major satisfaction in life comes from achievement as part of a team, demonstrating competence in meaningful skills, and being recognized by others as valuable contributors.

Those who hate their jobs and FIRE without a real plan vs. looking for more meaningful work can find themselves dissatisfied with their lives.

[4tify]

OP you didn't so much retire as switch jobs. You're now a primary caretaker for aging parents. That is a very stressful job.

This. Really challenging.

In the meantime check out this book: Retiring?: Your Next Chapter Is about Much More Than Money. Written by a couple impressive people. I’m working through it now.

[ixtap]

Look for caregiver support groups or services in your area. There is so much tied up in providing this kind of support for anyone, but it is multiplied when it is your own parents.

[MinorMiner]

Maybe try starting a garden? I know it sounds cheesy, but I was surprised to find out how much satisfaction I got from it last summer. Seeing a tiny seed grow to a strong plant tickles something deep in my brain. The sunshine and dirt is nice too.

[Fishindude]

Maybe try starting a garden? I know it sounds cheesy, but I was surprised to find out how much satisfaction I got from it last summer. Seeing a tiny seed grow to a strong plant tickles something deep in my brain. The sunshine and dirt is nice too.

Yep !
Good old fashioned physical work, getting your hands dirty is good for the mind and body.

[use2betrix]

Here’s a few notes I have about retirement.. First - quote from the MMM himself, then, a list of my hobbies/business ideas. Sound like you really, really, really need more hobbies!
 
Mr. Money Mustache on retirement:
- Physical health FIRST: your brain is a system of meat and tubes, just like the rest of your body. The whole system will only perform well if you place its wellbeing first, before anything else. Salads and barbells every day, no goddamned excuses.
- Mental health NEXT: feed your mind with happy input and learn to practice mindfulness, educational reading, and meditation daily, which is simply a workout for the brain.
- Daily hardship and Learning: if you are not sweating and learning and doing something difficult and solving problems, you are not living fully. Find a way to scale back the pampering and achieve more with your own body and mind.
- Indulge, but only with Moderation and Self-Mockery: this country is rich enough that you can become wealthy even without perfect self-discipline – even on minimum wage. But the moment you think you deserve or need whatever indulgence you are currently treating yourself to, you have lost the game. Luxuries and treats are just short-term pleasurable distractions, like any other drugs.Indulge if you can afford them, but you’re not missing one ounce of happiness if you choose to go without at any given moment.

Business/work Ideas:
1. Building off road trailers
2. Welding Fabrication/Repairs/Small Projects
3. RV Spaces on Property
4. Personal Training/Coaching
5. Breeding Dogs
6. Raising Livestock
7. Clothing store
8. Making leather/canvas/denim goods
9. Metal/wood furniture
10. Metal/wood/ceramic art

Hobbies &/or potential income:
1. Blacksmithing
2. Woodworking
3. Ceramics
4. Photography
5. Hiking
6. Kayaking/Biking/etc.
7. Gardening/livestock
8. Fishing/hunting
9. Train/work dog(s)
10. Welding/Metal Art
11. Yoga
12. Weight lifting
13. Reading/Audiobooks
14. Guitar
15. Golf

[Dreamer40]

The gardening suggestion is a really good one. Since my retirement last year, I put in a raised bed vegetable garden, plus olive trees, pears, plums, figs, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, currants, kiwi, passionfruit, aronia, honeyberries, yuzu, a strawberry tree, pomegranates, and more. I would plant out one section then get a sudden idea for another thing to learn about and plant. I’m trying to decide if I have it in me this spring to excavate another miserably-rocky piece of the yard to put in a quince tree. Like I’d need to dig out several feet of filler rock from a prior evil landscaper. And I love quince, but they’re a pain to peal and cut. Either way, I think I’ve set myself up for a lifetime of fertilizing, weeding, watering, pruning, harvesting, and preserving! And endless summer nights eating ice cream covered in ripe berries. Walking around the property every day to look at what’s changed from the day before puts me in the most amazing mood. Especially after I get home from trying to help my stubborn aging parents. You need something joyful to come home to. Maybe also a puppy and a hammock. I’m not being glib, hammocks are amazing.

[mistymoney]

Yes, I can relate.

I've been retired for 3 years, and still find there are holes in my day that need to be filled.  After 30+ years of working, and never having enough time to even cover the basics, its a big adjustment to having more time than projects.  I am learning to be comfortable with occasional boredom.  A routine helps- as there is automatic stuff I do each day/week, so I don't have to fill ALL the time.

I have lots of seasonal projects - I'm an avid gardener who finally has time to do more of those projects in my head.  I struggle more with the off season, where I fill that time with making things and learning things.  Covid has put a damper on things, as I'd intended to travel a lot more.  I'd hoped to have made more friends by now- its a little harder in that I retired early-ish (58), all my existing friends are still working, and the places where I do things tend to have folks 20 years older than me and limited in mobility.  I've learned to be comfortable hiking in town alone.

The pull of going back to a corporate job though has eased.  While I liked the work, the politics and patriarchy wore me down, and since I don't need the money, why would I bother with that?  I do a little volunteer work here and there, but only on my time and to my liking.  I'm not going to do disagreeable work for free, or put up with petty bs for free.

I'm still finding my place after 3 years, and I expect this will be ongoing.

this is tough for me to hear, because I fear I will fare far worse! I am looking at retiring and empty nesting around the same time, and all my friendships are career related. aka not sure they will last long after fire.

I'm trying to branch out now, but I have so little time, covid still making many events virtual, etc.

[wenchsenior]

Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

+1

Yup. The issue is the stressful parent situation, not that you are FIRE. Your brain knows this will only get worse, and is freaking out.  IMO, volunteering more is not the answer. I retired and my MIL and her pal AL Z. Heimer moved in with us, so I have walked this path. My suggestion is to start planning for their future now. Figure out what help is available and get started on a support system that will shift some of the burden of care. I finally got my MIL into a respite program and it made a world of difference for both of us.  Best wishes to you!

100% agree. My youngest sister, who is working full time, is the point person handling our insane and alcoholic father's aging-related b.s. right now (refuses to consider care facility, living alone in a relatively rural area, at the stage where he needs 16 hours of care per day, etc) from 4 hours away. It's been less than a year and she is barely hanging on by a thread. I anticipate similar horrors for myself when our mother begins to decline in a few years, so I need to start getting more on top of planning RIGHT NOW. At least I won't need to be working full time when it happens...

[WynnDuffy73]

Same.

At the end of the day mental health's final frontier basically involves brainwashing yourself, really. You can achieve everything you want and have everything anyone could ever desire and still feel like shit and it'll be all because of your mindset and not because you didn't do XYZ thing.

So you need to change your mindset, which in a lot of ways amounts to telling someone to just not be themselves, because part of "themselves" is a depressed miserable person lol.

I feel like people don't admit to this and that instead they sell you endless amounts of tricks, therapies, lifestyle changes and drugs that could just "the one" to finally "cure" you. But putting things in perspective here: Psychiatrists and therapists are not immune to depression or suicide themselves. That hints to you how hard this problem actually is to solve, possibly for some people almost impossible to completely solve.

All that said you can at least make sure your bases are covered; physical fitness, relationships, friends, good sleep, good nutrition... But all of this can still only go so far.

Yeah I think I convinced myself that my mental health/anxiety issues were work related so it’s disappointing to see them actually worse after I stopped working. 

Having to care for my parents a few hours each day kind of locks me in limbo in terms of making any major changes to my lifestyle.

Lots of good advice in this thread so far. 

I think I need to schedule my week and get a little more structure to my days.  It should get easier as we move into the warmer weather.  I like the idea of starting business/side hustle type thing that I can potentially grow.  I just need to figure out what that might be.

[moustachebar]

I do a little volunteer work here and there, but only on my time and to my liking.  I'm not going to do disagreeable work for free, or put up with petty bs for free.

I'm still finding my place after 3 years, and I expect this will be ongoing.

Just to add that I've found a lot of pockets of organizations where the volunteering has as much dumb politics and poor, time wasting mismanagement as any workplace. I guess it's not surprising because people learned bad ways and perpetuate them... wish it wasn't that way, but it ends up being pretty hard to find a place to serve if you've gotten at all used to FI and FU money and not taking on extra bs. I don't really have an answer except to look out for it and try to do it on your terms somewhat. I'm all for helping, but when it's a major part of your time it's not constructive and can drag on well being IME.

[Bateaux]

Turns out the old saying “you need to retire to something rather than from something” is true.

I retired a few months ago and I’m already struggling mentally. I retired earlier than planned to help care for my parents who have health problems and require a couple hours each day of my time. (They don’t live with me).  Besides caring for them, I’ve been going to the gym and working on a few projects around the house.   I just signed up to volunteer but it’s only one day a week. 

After a couple of months of this I’m miserable and my anxiety is actually worse than when I was working which is surprising.  I can’t really see going back to the corporate world and working a Walmart type job just seems depressing after having a corporate job.

I know I need to find something fulfilling but I don’t know what that is.  Anyone else experience this early in retirement? Any advice?

I spent three days with my new civic organization.  TeamRubiconUSA.org   I had a blast and we helped a lot of people.  The same type of volunteer work can be found with a volunteer fire department or the American Red Cross.

[svosavvy]

Have you considered making this into a case study?  If you drill down on specifics from your life folks might get a better idea of how to help instead of throwing out random ideas.  If you did choose to do this I would say specify what you want i.e. mental/emotional/spiritual or financial advice.  Sounds like you do not need financial advice.  Definitely sounds like the right puzzle piece needs to be found and it may be surprising.  Just a question out of left field, does spending a couple hours alone not doing anything "productive" sound scary/weird.  I saw a psychologist for a little while last year and found it helpful.  He called me the "classic anxious man."  Will also add a +1 to caregiving family members is very challenging.  Would also recommend as others have searching out support systems available in your area.  Respite services are worth their weight in gold.  Getting a breather every now and then is priceless.  Best wishes. @SunnyDays always seems to have great things to add.

[KarefulKactus15]

I can't comment on the caregiver situation but I can say...

I was pretty bummed for 6-9 months after formally retiring. I felt pretty worthless to society. As an early retiree, it's hard to go against "normal" society.

What helped the most was establishing routine physical exercise routine. I hit the gym 3-4 times a week now and go walking and biking, etc etc. Go for a walk, literally anything besides being at home inside.

On top of that, lacking a purpose was bothering me, so after trying some stuff I'm now "working" on some stuff I enjoy. That's key also.

I think it was nailed in one of the blog post.

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

[Ron Scott]

.
I think it was nailed in one of the blog post.

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

A great algorithm!

For many years I found simply being FI completely liberating. I continued to work full time because I enjoyed what I did—working because I wanted to not because I had to.

If you have a job you really like RE becomes a nice option to have vs. a planned goal. Getting paid to do what you like is a good feeling.

[big_owl]

I was very nervous about this happening to me when I fired starting this year.  My solution was to quit my company full time and become a consulting engineer for them and work two days a week.  It's worked out pretty well because I get to avoid all the company BS and also get paid 50% more per hour as a contractor.  I also get paid hourly now, which is really awesome.  If I do so much as answer a text msg on an off day that's a 30min charge.  And if I don't feel good and show up to work 30min late, I don't feel guilty because I just don't charge them.

So far it's been a good choice.  Though it's now been 5mo since I gave my notice and they've only received one crappy resume to try and fill my job lol. 

[mistymoney]

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

Under this scenario, is scrubbing toilets considered creative work or leisure?

[ca-rn]

OP, I'm not retired but FI and working PT now. 

I was the main caregiver of both parents while working FT and seriously had moments when I thought I would break if the pressure kept up.  Both my parents have passed and  I downshifted to PT last year.  Up until downshifting, I didn't really deal with any of it (not good).  In the beginning of going to PT, I was really "greedy" with my free time - lots of self care, time to process loss of parents, slow wake up mornings, long walks etc. 

Regarding caregiving- the only advice I can give is to make sure you carve out a time for yourself consistently for something like meditation or yoga to keep you centered and in the present.  I found caregiving may not be constant (physically) but was mentally (for me).   

And be curious- poke around here and there, wander around, go the long way (physically or on the internet)... you may find new interests/hobbies that you never considered.

[rosarugosa]

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

Under this scenario, is scrubbing toilets considered creative work or leisure?

Yes, I too was wondering where housework, grocery shopping, etc. fits in.

[svosavvy]

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

Under this scenario, is scrubbing toilets considered creative work or leisure?

Haha, depends if the toilet belongs to you or not.

[KarefulKactus15]

I probably mis represented the article.  And now I can't find it.

Personally I enjoy doing laundry and cleaning. I usually get satisfaction from proper maintenance of my stuff. I must be an oddball.

[A mom]

This is going to seem like a pretty out there suggestion, and I don't know the road conditions or distances you need to travel, but my e-bike is a joy machine for me. It is just so much fun to ride, and I can adjust it to get as much or as little exercise as I want. And when I use it to substitute for car trips, I get to enjoy all the sights, sounds and smells along the way and feel virtuous as well. Just something to consider. :)

[Gone Fishing]

This is going to seem like a pretty out there suggestion, and I don't know the road conditions or distances you need to travel, but my e-bike is a joy machine for me. It is just so much fun to ride, and I can adjust it to get as much or as little exercise as I want. And when I use it to substitute for car trips, I get to enjoy all the sights, sounds and smells along the way and feel virtuous as well. Just something to consider. :)

Bought the kids a minibike to ride around the property and liked it so much I bought myself one.  We have spent endless hours wrenching and riding together.  Really has been a great FIRE hobby! 

[BeanCounter]

Looks like lots of people have given you good suggestions. I'd just add that you really have to give it some time. My experience was that there was a bit of a settlement process.

[afox]

Lots of good suggestions for hobbies here already!

If you plan to travel in retirement perhaps learning a new language would be a worthwhile endeavor.

I have a lot of hobbies, when friends/family ask me why im such a zealot about pursuing these hobbies which are expensive, time consuming, unsafe and suggest that I should spend much of that time and energy working instead I tell them that I explain that I will only be working for another 12 years (im almost 45 and will retire at latest 57) but plan to live an active life until at least mid seventies, so 20+ years of active retirement. Why would I want to invest all of my free time and mental energy into something that I will quit in 12 years or sooner, that would surely leave a gaping hole in my life when I retire. Instead I spend as much time as possible on my hobbies. The job will end soon enough but ill keep doing the hobbies till I no longer can.

For most FIRE'ees that planned well and whose career will only span 20-30 years but whose post-education adult life will span 50-75 years putting hobbies above work makes even more sense. Work should be near the bottom of a list of priorities.

[mm1970]

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

Under this scenario, is scrubbing toilets considered creative work or leisure?

Ha ha, this reminds me a little bit about "The Good Life" by Scott & Helen Nearing.  They divided their day up into 4 hour segments.  One for "bread labor" (including earning money), one for leisure, and one for community outreach/ activism.

24 hours - 8 hours sleep = 16 hours.  Bread labor would be meal prep and cleanup, household chores, laundry, washing and cleaning, organizing the house, paying bills, darning socks or fixing things, gardening, etc.  In their case, also earning money from cash crops (maple syrup, for their example). 

They aimed to have 4 hours a day of reading, writing, music.  I would add personal care and exercise here.  Meditation, etc.

[Chris Pascale]

If I may recommend a book (from the library, of course!!!!) my uncle's The Retirement Maze was the result of him retiring too young from his career.

It's heavy on research (25,000 surveys) and has 5 or 6 case studies they specifically follow. I thought it was good.

[sui generis]

Not directed specifically at the OP, who I agree got a challenging and stressful new job after FIRE, but one of my philosophies of FIRE is about getting more comfortable doing nothing for at least a little bit of time each day.  It's....tough.  But, I think it's important in our attention-starved society and also more...natural? 

This is an interesting twitter thread on how certain studied pre-industrialized societies spend an inordinate amount of time being idle (as distinct, BTW, from other "idle" things like chatting, napping, etc.) with doing nothing at all sometimes being the single thing they spend more time doing than any other activity! https://twitter.com/mnvrsngh/status/1510978995269029888 

I don't aspire to that level, but I think there are a lot of benefits that can come from idling one's mind for a time, and that in our culture(s) we are often much more scared of that, or of "being bored," than we ought to be. 

Although I have a lot of other projects, acivities and other things that fill a lot of my time, I'm working on incorporating some idle time as well, and maybe more importantly, breaking down resistance and fear of it in the first place.

[RWTL]

8 hour of creativity work + 8 hours of leisure + 8 hours of sleep makes for the perfect 24 hour day.

Under this scenario, is scrubbing toilets considered creative work or leisure?

Ha ha, this reminds me a little bit about "The Good Life" by Scott & Helen Nearing.  They divided their day up into 4 hour segments.  One for "bread labor" (including earning money), one for leisure, and one for community outreach/ activism.

24 hours - 8 hours sleep = 16 hours.  Bread labor would be meal prep and cleanup, household chores, laundry, washing and cleaning, organizing the house, paying bills, darning socks or fixing things, gardening, etc.  In their case, also earning money from cash crops (maple syrup, for their example). 

They aimed to have 4 hours a day of reading, writing, music.  I would add personal care and exercise here.  Meditation, etc.

My logical and organized brain like this loose structure.

[Turtle]

Same.

At the end of the day mental health's final frontier basically involves brainwashing yourself, really. You can achieve everything you want and have everything anyone could ever desire and still feel like shit and it'll be all because of your mindset and not because you didn't do XYZ thing.

So you need to change your mindset, which in a lot of ways amounts to telling someone to just not be themselves, because part of "themselves" is a depressed miserable person lol.

I feel like people don't admit to this and that instead they sell you endless amounts of tricks, therapies, lifestyle changes and drugs that could just "the one" to finally "cure" you. But putting things in perspective here: Psychiatrists and therapists are not immune to depression or suicide themselves. That hints to you how hard this problem actually is to solve, possibly for some people almost impossible to completely solve.

All that said you can at least make sure your bases are covered; physical fitness, relationships, friends, good sleep, good nutrition... But all of this can still only go so far.

Yeah I think I convinced myself that my mental health/anxiety issues were work related so it’s disappointing to see them actually worse after I stopped working. 

Having to care for my parents a few hours each day kind of locks me in limbo in terms of making any major changes to my lifestyle.

Lots of good advice in this thread so far. 

I think I need to schedule my week and get a little more structure to my days.  It should get easier as we move into the warmer weather.  I like the idea of starting business/side hustle type thing that I can potentially grow.  I just need to figure out what that might be.

Anxiety as a coping mechanism for a stressful job doesn't just switch off when the job goes away.  In some ways it's like a lower grade version of PTSD, and it can take a while to deprogram and shake it off.  (At least from my experience.) Be gentle with yourself. 

[Cassie]

My first 8 years of retirement I taught a online college class which was a new endeavor and loved it. By the time I fully retired I was 66 and ready. I found volunteering to have many of the same problems as working. Now I help individuals on a private basis that need it and it’s much more enjoyable.

[Joe Schmo]

Fishing/hunting- don’t do it to catch or kill, do it for the experience, PM if you need help
Golf- Epic time suck, it’ll kill time

[Roadrunner53]

I have some ideas for you. Have you thought of helping nonprofit organizations raise money? Like animal welfare groups in your area. Many write to large corporations asking for donations and many nonprofit organizations have tag sales and things that need organizational help. If that doesn't appeal to you, there is always helping in the kennel area and helping with the animal's care. There is also a need for foster pet parents. Some animals might be old or sickly and need more of a personal touch to get better and in a more home atmosphere.

There is a thing called Meet Ups. I have never joined but seems there are lots of clubs to join. Like hiking, biking, chess, games, books, exercise and much more. Look it up online to see if anything might be of interest.

Another thing I read about is a guy who repaired used bikes and then donated them to children whose parents couldn't afford to buy them one.

There is a guy in my town that collects soda/beer cans. I think mostly people donate them to him. In my state we have a $0.05 deposit per beverage can and soda/beer bottles. He takes the cans to the grocery store and puts them into the recycle machine then takes the cash.  He saves up the cash and does generous things with it. He has bought poor elderly people oil for their heating systems. I don't know all the generous things he has done but he has done this for years and years. He makes no money on this. It definitely takes up a lot of his time.

The senior center in my town has a small crew of volunteers that help with raking leaves, moving furniture, putting ac units in windows. Stuff like that.

My old boss is now into photography. He found a niche that he seems to love. A certain type of photography that isn't my cup of tea, but he thinks it is the greatest. To each his own. He has shown his 'art' work in certain galleries and libraries.

Working a part time job could be fun if you find the right one. For instance, if you are into health foods and products, you might like advising people on what holistic product might work for them. You could read up on health foods and lifestyle and become knowledgeable on that subject matter. You could also work at a gourmet food store. Where I live there is an oil and vinegar store. Sounds weird but they sell so many different flavored oils and vinegars that are wonderful. Then there is another store that sells mostly food items in bulk, from barrels.

Another idea would be to demo food items at Costco. Other stores also demo food items too.

I have seen a place that offers part time jobs at a nursery packing up flower bulbs for shipment. It is seasonal and might last 8-10 weeks.

If you like golf, you might be able to get a part time job in the pro shop and they might allow you to play free golf.

Another seasonal job that could be fun is cleaning pools. Seems there is a lot of turnover due to it being seasonal so might be easy to get a job. I know this one guy who has been doing this for years. It starts in the spring and finishes in the fall.

Another fun thing to do is metal detecting. You could go to beaches and find jewelry and coins. Check your local laws on digging. I have read that you must not leave holes and must refill them.

One last idea would be to help out at your local historical society. Sounds boring but you might find it interesting to find out ancestors in the town you live in and how they contributed to the town. They probably have fund raisers you could help with.

Not sure if any of these suggestions are worthwhile.

[iris lily]

I retired a year ago and have been quite happy until the past month when I started helping my aging parents who moved to be near me. Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

Gee, my job working data and managing processes?

Or a job taking care of young children and/or elderly, fragile people?

Please just kill me now if it’s the second one I have to do. When I was working, I never resented the moms who “got to leave work early “ to go home and take care of a sick child. Nope. I got to stay in my air-conditioned, clean, office with its logical processes and lack of kid vomit/crying/ whining, etc. I would much rather work at a job. AND get money for it!

[wenchsenior]

I retired a year ago and have been quite happy until the past month when I started helping my aging parents who moved to be near me. Helping parents through this time of their lives can be more anxiety-producing than many jobs. I wouldn’t underestimate how much this could be affecting your mental health in retirement.

Gee, my job working data and managing processes?

Or a job taking care of young children and/or elderly, fragile people?

Please just kill me now if it’s the second one I have to do. When I was working, I never resented the moms who “got to leave work early “ to go home and take care of a sick child. Nope. I got to stay in my air-conditioned, clean, office with its logical processes and lack of kid vomit/crying/ whining, etc. I would much rather work at a job. AND get money for it!

Heh, I relate.