1. The Social Security and Medicare payments are certainly taxes, there is no other useful way to think about them. Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid are also 2 of the 3 largest expenses facing the government, with the military being the third. So it makes sense you can't get out of paying for large chunks of it anyways.
2. That said, the rest is a more interesting social commentary (to me anyways), because basically, the tax system encourages you to buy a house, stay married, and have lots of children. People that don't do those things get to enjoy subsidizing those that do to an extent.
So thinking about taxes:
You are paying 8k federal combined, 2k to the state, or about 10 percent of your income,
Depending on what you buy in Virginia, you pay something between 4.3% and 10.3% in sales tax on everything you buy
As to property taxes, 2% here (and again using after tax money to pay this, but just ignoring that here for now). So just here, we are already up to something like 12% to 20% of your income depending on how much you spend (10% federal/state, 2% property tax, 7% sales tax). I am sure there are many other taxes and such types of taxes you pay as well, personal property/car/etc that would increase this a few percent as well. So all in all, even though it is a nice feeling to get that federal income tax number as low as possible, they government "gets" their money one way or another in most instances.
3. Also note, saving $28,500 a year between the two of you suggests that you will be paying at least some tax on your retirement income someday, and perhaps more than you think
if taxes go up, so while you get a decent break now, they government eventually gets some or all of its money. I like to think of your situation more as deferring taxes now so you can pay hopefully less later rather than a true tax saving. So it is sort of deceptive to say you are "getting rid of taxes" by using the 401k/IRA deductions when really you are just hoping to minimize them someday in the future.
4. I think taxes are really interesting and just the information above shows how nearly impossible for anyone to truly calculate their true tax burden. Seems simple in concept but in application is quite difficult since really, you can't figure it out until you die and look back at your whole life (to know the true tax implications of all that deferred income and any taxes paid on your estate as it passes to heirs).
5. One take away is that you can significantly minimize part of your current tax burden by buying less crap and having a smaller house, and doing things that give true tax exemptions or credits like having a bunch of kids, mortgage interest, and staying married.
So, the reason I wrote all of the above is that I personally think that the tax system is very broken but likely for different reasons than most. I think the more taxes become more complex the more opportunities for the wealthy and educated to game the system at the expense of everyone else. Then again the wealthy do pay the vast majority of taxes on an absolute basis...
6. As to your question, since I am way off topic at this point, if you are itemizing (and it appears you are) check out this link from the IRS:
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc500.htmlMore broad than you were looking for, but pretty straight forward list of categories of expenses that can be used as an itemized deduction. Maybe something in there will align with your life and help you over that last hurdle.