Not to mention just living in CA is a luxury. I cannot afford to live in CA or NYC, so I don't. I don't live in IL for the weather! Its because I can earn the most relative to my COL.
I am, at times, sympathetic to this argument. But Californians demand low skill labor so...
Here's the other thing, when you're poor you have to hack stuff, not take the easiest solution. Four hundred something a month for after school care is about standard, which means it's organized center based care. That kind of thing was a huge luxury when I was young. My mom ran her own business so we never needed after school care, but I had a friend who came home with me every day because her parents both worked. Most of our friends who needed childcare did not go the organized route, because they are expensive.
I also never saw the inside of a restaurant until I was in my teens. A nice meal out was McDonald's. When my dad made a little more money we switched to A&W.
And what about reproduction? My mom didn't have another baby until they had enough to purchase their first home, even though that means there is a ten year age gap between my brother and me. And my brother slept in a shopping cart instead of a crib when he was a baby, I am not kidding.
When you are poor you have to live like you're poor to stay within your means, then do whatever you can to increase your income so you don't stay poor forever. That's basically what everyone on this forum does. If you choose to partake of middle class things while you are still poor, then say you don't have enough money, I'm sorry but I just don't have a lot of empathy for that.
Do you ever muse on the fundamental brokenness of a world in which your brother had to sleep in a shopping cart?
I do! Obv.
Living in CA is a luxury, until it's not. Like if you grew up here, or don't have the money to move, or rely on family to help out, or are required by divorce or child custody agreements.
In fact, I live in a very expensive place in So. Cal. I worked with a single mother for awhile. She remarried. Her husband got a job in the desert.
She was not allowed to move from our coastal area to the desert because of child custody agreements. She was required to stay here (within a 2 hours drive of the father of the child), pay rent here, continue to work here, while her (new) husband lived and worked elsewhere.
In fact, after a court appearance once she mentioned that probably the *only* way she'd be allowed, by the court, to move to the cheaper area would be if she got laid off (she mentioned it casually, but did in fact get RIF'd a couple of weeks later, along with 25 % of the company.) She now is allowed to live with her husband!
I grew up pretty poor, in a large family. It's fascinating to see how the 9 of use grew up, and our own opinions of hard work and such.
First, there's a lot of "bootstraps!" (which is ridiculous if you look up what the term actually means). But the "bootstraps" is mostly from the sibs without children.
Also, there's a lot of survivor bias, and lack of recognition of privilege. Yes, we were poor. Yes we worked very hard as did our parents. However, our dad owned a home, we were able to have a garden, we had a MASSIVE extended family to rely on, we have a great deal of natural intelligence and lived in a safe area.
It's very hard for some people to get past the "well I did it, so anyone can" mentality.
Not that people shouldn't try.
But it's a tricky business and a sliding scale, and I think it's ridiculous that so many people cannot see that, or do not want to see that.