Is getting married bad for FI/RE?

[Re3iRtH]

Seriously?  You just called all young women garbage* and wished they would be washed from the earth?  You already have a  solution!  You don't have to marry OR EVEN DATE.  No one forces you to do either. 

I was pulling for you earlier, but the tone is becoming a little hateful.

*Yes, you called all young women garbage.  You didn't put any modifiers on your statement.

Its obviously the system I'm talking about, not women or men. People have to abide by laws, and will live in the system in which they have to (for better or for worse).

Ann, you are obviously upset. If you have nothing to contribute to the thread, don't post. We had a civil conversation earlier, but now you are posting the same thing in your last 4-5 posts. Don't have any new material? We are simply making observations, which many folks have asserted to be true in the posts above this one. They are sharing their stories, academic studies, and insight. We don't need accusations or passive aggressive comments.

[Ann]

Yes, I certainly did get frustrated.  You may feel that your comment was obviously about the system, but that is your personal perception.

I will bow out, as you have asked.  I do think I have run out of new things to say.   I certainly hope you start to feel less frustrated.

Despit my previous somewhat antagonist post, I wish to say I am sorry that any person is ever cheated on or whose partner otherwise shirks on their commitment.

[Schaefer Light]

Why are divorces initiated/filed by women more than 75% of the time? Ponder this and I'd love to hear your answer. In my line of work, I get payed very well to simply observe and diagnose. I collect FACTS like this, and scratch my head.

What on Earth do you think that proves? There are all sorts of reasons that could be true (the figure I've seen is usually 60% btw). Men are much more likely to abuse their spouse than women are, they're (by some studies) more likely to cheat, and all sorts of other perfectly rational reasons for women to be the more likely initiators of divorce. Even if the reason was as simple as "women are more likely to feel unhappy and end a marriage for no good reason", that doesn't prove your point either. Say my future wife is statistically more likely to end our marriage then me. How does that make my marriage unequivocally bad? I just don't get it at all. The fact that some subset of marriages end in divorce, and that subset is more likely to be initiated by a women, does not in any way prove that marriage is bad for FIRE. Anyway, here's a research study on the matter: https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_gender_of_breakup.pdf

As someone who is currently going through a divorce (which not surprisingly was initiated by a woman), I can tell you that it's going to be very difficult for me to trust another woman enough to marry her.  You think you've found "the one", and then she just up and leaves when she's not feeling happy.  Fuck that.

That sucks, Schaefer Light.  It's hard to remember that not everyone is like that when you're in the space where someone is totally changing the life you thought you'd lead.

Thanks.  You're right about that.  I'm not in a good place emotionally right now and I recognize that my judgment is clouded.  I do realize that not everyone is going to break up a marriage for seemingly no good reason, but it's going to be really tough for me to make that kind of commitment again knowing what I know now (i.e. two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women, and something like 90% of divorces of college-educated couples are initiated by women).  Add to that the fact that I'm now paying $1,000 per month in alimony (definitely bad for FIRE ;) and I think that's enough to make any man hesitant to re-marry.

Ouch, sorry to hear that. How long were you married for and for how long do you need to pay alimony for? Why would you need pay money to a perfectly functional adult? We all waste our breath about being "fiercely independent" these days.

I was married for just over 5 years and will be paying alimony for 2.5 years (roughly half the length of the marriage).  Based on conversations with my lawyer, that's pretty standard in the state of North Carolina (and many other states, too). 

I have no idea why alimony is awarded in cases like mine, though.  My wife has the same job she had when we first met, and she's making more money now than she did then.  She was able to support herself before we got married, so I don't see why I would be expected to support her after the marriage is over (especially when it was her decision to leave).  It's a crappy system.  No doubt about that.  If we'd had kids, I'd really be paying through the teeth.

[mm1970]

"Why do women file for (initiate) divorce more often that men?"  (paraphrased)   I will provide my thoughts, because you posted this question more than once so far, and no one has bitten yet.

Based on my personal non-scientific experience:

1)  Although women might have affairs at the similar frequency to men, they tend not to like to lie to their mates or be comfortable with it and may "come clean" with initiating divorce (an affair may be a result of a relationship that has all but formally ended).  Men, meanwhile, may be able to "compartmentalize" affairs and extra-marital relationships and continue to have satisfying (to them) marriages.   Based on small sample personal observations, anyway.

IMO, that is not the main reason, however:

2)  Women tend to either earn less, or take on roles where they earn less, often because of child rearing or trailing spouse factors.   Whoever earns more has a great financial disincentive to divorce when the other spouse is not able to support themselves.   For many people, this is doubly true if they have taken religious vows to love and support their spouse -- how can you leave them to fend for themselves when you vowed to ensure that they are cared for, for life?  In this financial case, it can be logical to hold on longer to try to make it work out, as there is no or minor benefit to divorce.    Also, the primary income earner may be spending many hours outside of the home working, so having a difficult married life does not need to affect the majority of their day or mind, in the same way that it could for a stay at home spouse.


This is IMO -- I say #2 because during a rough patch in my relationship, requiring to provide spousal support for many years was a distinct disincentive to divorce.   At least while married, my spouse would provide child care some of the time...and I had no risk of losing child custody, and I had no interest in looking for other relationships because work hours were so long and tiring, so it was easier to just stay married for a while, or until the kids were older.  (Glad I did, because we got through all that).

#2) is actually a gender neutral motivation.  The only reason it is skewed to women is that married women who get divorced, often have trailing spouse scenarios, or children, that reduces their income, more often then men do in your sample.  I believe this trend is changing, but likely your sample covers years past.

This was interesting.  The older I get, the more of my friends and relatives get divorced, and I'd say in my (non-statistically significant) experience, it is mostly women.  The reasons, however, really do vary.

In the few cases where the divorce has been initiated by a man, in EVERY case, it is because the man had an affair. I know it's kind of a joke, but I have to wonder if it bears true - that men only leave a marriage if they have another woman waiting.

If you review the statistics on the % of work done "inside the home" by women, there is a clue.  I mean this honestly, but in a marriage where both parents are working full time, but one parent is doing the bulk of the household and childcare duties - is there really an incentive to stay in a "meh" marriage if you are essentially parenting 3 "children" instead of two?

The following is an (incomplete) list of why some of my female friends and relatives left their marriages
- mental abuse
- physical abuse
- husband, after decades of being an uninvolved father, "found Jesus" and decided to "take over as the man of the house"
- husband became an alcoholic
- wife got bored.  (That was 15 years ago, she's still single after the divorce.  No kids.)
- husband refused to get a job, and just liked hanging out at home
- too many video games (lazy)
- not compatible (married too early)
- husband uninvolved father (golfing all weekend, not spending time with kids)
- husband abusive to children (CPS said, if you stay with him we will take your kids)

I can be an armchair psychologist and say that as women take on most of the "mental load" associated with the house and kids, if the husband isn't helping - then why bother?  You end up sort of becoming his mother. 

Now, how bad is divorce?  It depends on the people involved.  It can be done in a way that is beneficial to both.  It's going to be more expensive than staying married, but doesn't have to bankrupt anyone.  I have a recently divorced friend who says she finally feels like her old self again - because when her ex has the kids, she actually has a day (or two) to herself.  That is hard to get as a parent.

My own husband is fantastic.  I have a close relative who divorced a few years ago, after over 40 years of marriage.  Husband left "I'm still young and I don't love you anymore!"  (aka, had a honey on the side).  My relative says she'll never marry again - why bother if you can just throw it away like that?

You kind of sound like you hate or look down on women.  Maybe you don't, but it's just a vibe I get from your comments.

[Imma]

I think women manage much easier on their own. So if they are extremely stressed out and don't feel supported by their husbands in raising the kids and domestic work, they are much more likely to think divorce is the answer. Many men really don't want to be alone and would rather stay in a convenient marriage even when there are many day-to-day struggles.

Most of the divorces I have witnessed in my friends and family were indeed intiated by women and generally the burden of kids and domestic work was a big part of the decision. Many of these women, especially those unable or unwilling to have more children, chose to be permanently single after their divorces. Most men find a new relationship very soon after their divorces, often with a younger, umarried woman. The only man I have known to file for divorce already had a younger woman lined up. I'm not sure what's causing this big divide.

I do think it's unfair to blame women entirely for divorce and the financial consequences of divorce. It's a choice to get married. If a woman did force you into it with a weapon to your head then the marriage can be annulled. It's a choice to get married without a pre-nup. It's also a choice to have one parent stay home so the other can pursue his or her career or because you both believe a stay at home parent is important. These decisions are taken together, for the benefit of both people involved, and it would be unfair if the financial burden would only rest on the shoulders of one of the parties involved. If someone does make an important life choice, like being a stay at home parent, on their own without consulting their spouse, I suggest you file for divorce immediately. Don't wait for 5 or 10 years. When someone does a crazy thing like that, I think the marriage is pretty much doomed.

[wenchsenior]

Interesting.  I've been trying to think who initiated the breaks in all the long term relationships I know, and I realize I just don't know very many people who have divorced or otherwise ended long term relationships!

We know each marriage isn't statistically equally likely to end in divorce, and the divorce stats are driven up by particular individuals who marry and divorce multiple times.  Some people just aren't good at long term relationships, but keep trying anyway.  The trick for anyone thinking of marriage is, how to filter the partners that are 'not good at it' out of the otherwise compatible pool. 

I can offhand think of 15? such breakups (ETA: this includes dissolution of long term unmarried partnerships of a decade or more, in addition to divorces) in my network in my lifetime. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few, but I just haven't seen that many  (once early college relationships are discounted). 

Of the 15 breakups...

3 were straight up caused by the man leaving (out of nowhere, from the wife's perspective) for another woman. 

3 others were initiated by the woman, but only after they had discovered long term infidelity of their partner (with added alcoholism complicating one case) and  had attempted counseling, etc, only to have the pattern persist

2 were initiated by the woman because of long term substance abuse by their partner, and related psychological instability

1 was initiated by the woman due to years of incompatibility of long term goals (neither party had a partner on the side, there was no big precipitating incident... but they knew it just wasn't a great option for long term...after a few years of unhappy cohabitation, woman finally left probably because she was the more financially secure, and needed two incomes less than he did).

Of the 6 others, I don't know specifically who did the initiating of break up and details are unclear.

In 1, things had been rocky for a few years, but I think the main precipitating factor was husband coming out as bisexual and being interested in trying to date men, which he hadn't been able to do while closeted.

In 1, the dude was cheating but there were also other conflicts over money and parenting, and for all I know the wife might have been cheating as well.  Although, the same guy had a second long term relationship dissolve recently...again, he was screwing around...social consensus was that she was not. Again, no way to know, but this dude might just have a pattern of 'not being good at it'.
 
In 2, I sincerely have NO idea what caused the split or who initiated it.

In 2, I know for sure the woman got bored, had an affair, and/or otherwise shocked the man by suddenly bailing out, from his perspective out of thin air (and from the social circle's perspective as well).

So my anecdotal experiences fit the data, in that the women seem to initiate the break more, but in only 2 cases did this resemble the upsetting out-of-the-blue situation ShaeferLight has just gone through.  I kind of wish I had a bigger sample, but I don't wish breakups on anyone. They suck.

I would guess the more vital issue than who finally initiates the break up is: HOW do you screen out the 'bad at it' partners from your potential partner pool and thus radically reduce your chance of divorce and its consequent financial impacts?

[Psychstache]

So, serious question: OP have you been diagnosed/assessed for ASD?

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

[Re3iRtH]

"Why do women file for (initiate) divorce more often that men?"  (paraphrased)   I will provide my thoughts, because you posted this question more than once so far, and no one has bitten yet.

Based on my personal non-scientific experience:

1)  Although women might have affairs at the similar frequency to men, they tend not to like to lie to their mates or be comfortable with it and may "come clean" with initiating divorce (an affair may be a result of a relationship that has all but formally ended).  Men, meanwhile, may be able to "compartmentalize" affairs and extra-marital relationships and continue to have satisfying (to them) marriages.   Based on small sample personal observations, anyway.

IMO, that is not the main reason, however:

2)  Women tend to either earn less, or take on roles where they earn less, often because of child rearing or trailing spouse factors.   Whoever earns more has a great financial disincentive to divorce when the other spouse is not able to support themselves.   For many people, this is doubly true if they have taken religious vows to love and support their spouse -- how can you leave them to fend for themselves when you vowed to ensure that they are cared for, for life?  In this financial case, it can be logical to hold on longer to try to make it work out, as there is no or minor benefit to divorce.    Also, the primary income earner may be spending many hours outside of the home working, so having a difficult married life does not need to affect the majority of their day or mind, in the same way that it could for a stay at home spouse.


This is IMO -- I say #2 because during a rough patch in my relationship, requiring to provide spousal support for many years was a distinct disincentive to divorce.   At least while married, my spouse would provide child care some of the time...and I had no risk of losing child custody, and I had no interest in looking for other relationships because work hours were so long and tiring, so it was easier to just stay married for a while, or until the kids were older.  (Glad I did, because we got through all that).

#2) is actually a gender neutral motivation.  The only reason it is skewed to women is that married women who get divorced, often have trailing spouse scenarios, or children, that reduces their income, more often then men do in your sample.  I believe this trend is changing, but likely your sample covers years past.

This was interesting.  The older I get, the more of my friends and relatives get divorced, and I'd say in my (non-statistically significant) experience, it is mostly women.  The reasons, however, really do vary.

In the few cases where the divorce has been initiated by a man, in EVERY case, it is because the man had an affair. I know it's kind of a joke, but I have to wonder if it bears true - that men only leave a marriage if they have another woman waiting.

If you review the statistics on the % of work done "inside the home" by women, there is a clue.  I mean this honestly, but in a marriage where both parents are working full time, but one parent is doing the bulk of the household and childcare duties - is there really an incentive to stay in a "meh" marriage if you are essentially parenting 3 "children" instead of two?

The following is an (incomplete) list of why some of my female friends and relatives left their marriages
- mental abuse
- physical abuse
- husband, after decades of being an uninvolved father, "found Jesus" and decided to "take over as the man of the house"
- husband became an alcoholic
- wife got bored.  (That was 15 years ago, she's still single after the divorce.  No kids.)
- husband refused to get a job, and just liked hanging out at home
- too many video games (lazy)
- not compatible (married too early)
- husband uninvolved father (golfing all weekend, not spending time with kids)
- husband abusive to children (CPS said, if you stay with him we will take your kids)

I can be an armchair psychologist and say that as women take on most of the "mental load" associated with the house and kids, if the husband isn't helping - then why bother?  You end up sort of becoming his mother. 

Now, how bad is divorce?  It depends on the people involved.  It can be done in a way that is beneficial to both.  It's going to be more expensive than staying married, but doesn't have to bankrupt anyone.  I have a recently divorced friend who says she finally feels like her old self again - because when her ex has the kids, she actually has a day (or two) to herself.  That is hard to get as a parent.

My own husband is fantastic.  I have a close relative who divorced a few years ago, after over 40 years of marriage.  Husband left "I'm still young and I don't love you anymore!"  (aka, had a honey on the side).  My relative says she'll never marry again - why bother if you can just throw it away like that?

You kind of sound like you hate or look down on women.  Maybe you don't, but it's just a vibe I get from your comments.

Remember, for every divorce/breakup, there are two sides to the story. You are only hearing one side (in the large majority of cases).

Ironically, most of the close people in my life as we speak are women. In my life, women have been really good to me (more so than men) :) So yea, hard to judge or draw that conclusion based on some text someone wrote on an anonymous internet forum.

You're right. Divorce is generally bad for everyone. Its worse, more reliably and more often for men. Just a short browse of this thread seems to corroborate this. Lets not even mention the preferential bias against fathers in family court. It just breaks my heart to hear all the stories of fathers committing suicide because they are not allowed to see their own kids.

[Snow]

Learn who your potential spouse is: by reputation, in the context of community, and so on.  Take your time.  You'll also learn her financial values over time, too, and since that's important, see how they line up with yours.  Talk about all the big things.  (Finances is tricky: can't talk about it up front, but you can eventually, and after dating/life for a while, you learn to read the signs before you even get to the conversation.)  You can also do things like: date in ways that reflect your values, including financially.  Don't do the super-spendy things.  If she wants that, she may not be as into you - which is great for you - it means she wouldn't be your type anyway, at least not without some deep changes.  (Be understanding and don't be extreme, but you can definitely date with your values in mind.)

+ 1, Absolutely this. Why go clubbing to find a mate if you hate clubbing? Just do things that interest you and meet people along the way. Maybe one day someone else (who incidentally shares at least some of your hobbies or interests since you met them through said hobbies/interests) will come along. But don't bank on it. It is not a "Phew, got that ticked off my list!" type of thing, and thinking like that is disrespectful to the other human being.

My hubby came along just as I was finishing my uni days. I had grown really comfy in my single life and was actually looking forward to leading a fulfilling and interesting life on my own. Then he came along and ruined all my nicely laid plans.

Our new plans are good too, so I'm not complaining. But I was not depending on or assuming I would find someone.

[mm1970]

Remember, for every divorce/breakup, there are two sides to the story. You are only hearing one side (in the large majority of cases).

Ironically, most of the close people in my life as we speak are women. In my life, women have been really good to me (more so than men) :) So yea, hard to judge or draw that conclusion based on some text someone wrote on an anonymous internet forum.

You're right. Divorce is generally bad for everyone. Its worse, more reliably and more often for men. Just a short browse of this thread seems to corroborate this. Lets not even mention the preferential bias against fathers in family court. It just breaks my heart to hear all the stories of fathers committing suicide because they are not allowed to see their own kids.

Well, most of these cases were family or very close friends, where I was friends with both sides.  I know both sides of the story in most cases - one side in only a few of them.

[big_owl]

LMFAO.  I got married and my wife makes close to 500k/yr.  So yeah, marriage can def be conducive to FI.  And we both generally can't stand kids, so that part was pretty easy as well.   Choose wisely....

[partgypsy]

Ok,  enjoy your kids at age 70.   Seems like a wasted life to me.  If you really want kids, you want them before you are 70, and you make it happen sooner.

Why is the life wasted? Are you implying that those who chose not to have kids at all wasted their life? That sounds like a personal opinion and you shouldn't generalized to others (billions of people). How do you know what they are thinking? They may have had a fulfilling life, full of kindness and grace, and have helped millions of people, without actually having kids. Does not sound like a waste to me.

Not at all.

I am saying that someone who REALLY WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, as a major life goal, would have wasted their life if they waited until they are 70 to try.   Of course many, many people have fulfilling lives without kids, and some people want kids, but can't have them, and still have great lives... but to deliberately not even try to attain your life goal until you are 70?   

We only get so many years to live.   If a major goal is to have children, why put off one's goals so long?   <70 is a bit of an exaggeration, based on your other post -- I feel this way about age 50 too>

PLEASE do not marry some poor soul because you really want to have kids. It sounds from your posts you have a very negative outlook on both marriage and females in general. You marry someone because you love that particular person, and want to share your life with them! It is a leap of faith. So don't do it if you can't overcome your biases because it will poison your relationship.

Also, I don't understand why you say men come out worse after a divorce. It's your perception, not the reality. I don't think you have many women as close friends because I don't think you hear or listen to the horror stories on other side.
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/

And I don't think that men being discriminated against in divorce court is uniformly true. I'm going through a divorce, and was told my attorneys to wait, because there are a couple judges on the court who are activist judges for Dads, and to wait until at least one is off the bench. I have a friend (divorce granted in same town), even though she suffered physical abuse that the children witnessed, Dad still got 50% custody. I know there are probably equally terrible stories on the other side, but what I'm saying it is individual by judge, where the judgments don't make sense. Another example is my coworker who is now retired. She was married to a district attorney, who cheated and divorced her. No lawyer in the town would touch her case with a 10 foot pole. She got a lawyer from another town. She wasn't awarded alimony despite the fact he cheated and she was a stay at home Mom of 3, and he regularly paid a fraction of child support. She went back to school to get a nursing degree and both worked raised 3 successful kids. But it wasn't fair and it was hard. I know she had a heart attack in her early 60's. 

[Re3iRtH]

Ok,  enjoy your kids at age 70.   Seems like a wasted life to me.  If you really want kids, you want them before you are 70, and you make it happen sooner.

Why is the life wasted? Are you implying that those who chose not to have kids at all wasted their life? That sounds like a personal opinion and you shouldn't generalized to others (billions of people). How do you know what they are thinking? They may have had a fulfilling life, full of kindness and grace, and have helped millions of people, without actually having kids. Does not sound like a waste to me.

Not at all.

I am saying that someone who REALLY WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, as a major life goal, would have wasted their life if they waited until they are 70 to try.   Of course many, many people have fulfilling lives without kids, and some people want kids, but can't have them, and still have great lives... but to deliberately not even try to attain your life goal until you are 70?   

We only get so many years to live.   If a major goal is to have children, why put off one's goals so long?   <70 is a bit of an exaggeration, based on your other post -- I feel this way about age 50 too>

PLEASE do not marry some poor soul because you really want to have kids. It sounds from your posts you have a very negative outlook on both marriage and females in general. You marry someone because you love that particular person, and want to share your life with them! It is a leap of faith. So don't do it if you can't overcome your biases because it will poison your relationship.

Also, I don't understand why you say men come out worse after a divorce. It's your perception, not the reality. I don't think you have many women as close friends because I don't think you hear or listen to the horror stories on other side.
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/

Every single one of your assumptions are wrong. I know you didn't read the thread. I specifically said that I have more close relationships with women than men at present. Husbands and fathers DO come out worse after a divorce. This is a fact not disputed by men or women, even in this very thread.

You can love someone or share your life with someone without getting married. I have not seen any evidence to disprove this. Do you have any?

[partgypsy]

Yes, but most educated, financially and emotionally stable women, are not going to want to bear children without being in a marriage. So take that into consideration.
And yes I am disputing your fact that divorce is financially, more devastating to men. Statistics show that men's income increases after divorce while women decreases. While often caring for a child or children at the same time. The US census beaurea (sp). After divorce women's income declines average of 27% while men's increases an average of 10%.


Look, I'm not a professional advice columnist. You came here for advice, and you got a lot of it. And then you argued against it, attesting that marriage IS bad for FI/RE.

If you haven't found an individual you love and WANT to marry, and spend hopefully the rest of your life with, don't get married. It's that simple. Not everyone gets married, not everyone has kids.  Life itself is a crap shoot and there are no guarantees about anything, so I or anyone else on this board can't give you any kind of guarantees, which is what you seem to expect. 

[Re3iRtH]

Yes, but most educated, financially and emotionally stable women, are not going to want to bear children without being in a marriage. So take that into consideration.
And yes I am disputing your fact that divorce is financially, more devastating to men. Statistics show that men's income increases after divorce while women decreases. While often caring for a child or children at the same time. The US census beaurea (sp). After divorce women's income declines average of 27% while men's increases an average of 10%.


Look, I'm not a professional advice columnist. You came here for advice, and you got a lot of it. And then you argued against it, attesting that marriage IS bad for FI/RE.

If you haven't found an individual you love and WANT to marry, and spend hopefully the rest of your life with, don't get married. It's that simple. Not everyone gets married, not everyone has kids.  Life itself is a crap shoot and there are no guarantees about anything, so I or anyone else on this board can't give you any kind of guarantees, which is what you seem to expect.

Really? That is just conjecture. How many women have you dated in the last 10 years? You really should stop assuming things. Plenty of women are open to other arrangements, some of which were discussed on this thread. You would have known that, if you took the time to read their thoughts.

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/latest-u-s-custody-and-child-support-data/

Men's income increasing after divorce, has precisely nothing to do with divorce being financially devastating to men. You conveniently did not  answer my last question.

The advice presented so far, has corroborated my thought process coming in. Again, if you bothered to read the thread, you would know this.

[partgypsy]

I did read the thread. All the examples you talk about, is divorce. The question you asked people, "is getting MARRIED bad for FI/RE". And the many many examples of people talking about their personal example where marriage improved their financial situation, ignored. I'm sure if I researched it, people who stay married do better than people who get divorced, particularly if they have a college education, which I assume from your description fits you.

Regardless. I'm glad the thread helped you come to a conclusion you are happy with.

[Gin1984]

"Beyond that, I've seen this topic brought up on MMM 4-5 times over the years, and several times on other forums too. Literally every single time it has been a man, and I would say every single time its been someone with pretty negative notions of women. To me the idea that your future spouse (no matter the gender) is certain to be a liability is baffling. I've dated a few women that I would be the liability for, so maybe that's why. But I've never heard a woman make such a statement. And I have to say it would be quite refreshing if you are indeed a woman Re3iRthH, and not another man that assumes all women are poorer than them and will take their money in a divorce."

Gee, I wonder why this topic on forums is typically brought up by men? (see attachment). The amount of cognitive dissonance and head-buried-in-sand is staggering.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115.html
See the linked article which responds exactly to your attachment.

[mm1970]

Men's income increasing after divorce, has precisely nothing to do with divorce being financially devastating to men. You conveniently did not  answer my last question.

Seriously, divorce when children are involved *always* result in worse financial situation for EVERYONE, because you go from one household to two.
That's two mortgages, rents, whatever.

Divorce may be financially devastating to men but it is MORESO to women, in general, if you read the stats.