Introducing mustachianism to your significant other?

[PerpetualWanderlust]

A little background - I'm 25 M, 3 years into my journey towards FIRE, and at a decent pace as of now. For the last six months, I've been seeing someone who I believe is going to be my wife someday. She's 23 and going through grad school, so should I marry her, all her debts will become mine. She seems frugal enough (cooks at home more often than not, bought a used car for next to nothing, etc.) but at this point her financial frugality might be more out of necessity than out of a desire to save. I think she's smart with her money, but only compared to the masses. She still likes to go out to nice places to eat, go see movies at overpriced theaters, enjoy nightlife, and so on. I believe that she envisions her future as being a fairly plush lifestyle (10-15% savings rate), where as I would like to continue on the path towards FI (50% or more savings rate).

Question: How to I introduce mustachianism to her without freaking her out? How I do go about explaining to her the benefits that can come from all the positives of mustachianism? What are your favorite "arguing points" that I could bring up? Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

[HappierAtHome]

Figure out what you both want in life, and which parts of that will form your "shared vision" (SAHP? Retiring young to travel? Never having to argue over money?).

Paint a picture for her of how once she's finished school and you're married, you'll be able to still lead a good life AND save enough money to achieve this shared vision.

Make sure the 'spending' part of the shared vision includes what SHE values (lots of time with family and friends? Eating out more often that the strict mustachians here would? Home ownership?) so that you're not just telling her that she has to give up everything she wants.

Bear in mind that relationships are a compromise, and the ideal solution here is not for her to be become your financial clone with all the same spending and saving priorities. You'll need to meet her in the middle. A wonderful, loving, respectful relationship is worth more than bumping up your savings rate another 10%.

[terran]

This might be a good place to start (stickied in the Ask a Mustachian forum): http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convert-your-so-to-mmm-in-50-awesome-steps/

[KMMK]

Just start talking to her about money and goals and the future and your frugality. Honestly it seems a bit strange that you are contemplating eventual marriage and aren't discussing these things already. Why do you want to marry her if you don't know if you have these major lifestyle choices in common?

[Half-Borg]

Jakob talks about this too:
http://earlyretirementextreme.com/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-go-along-with-my-frugal-plans.html
If his advice is going to work for you and your relationship is for you to decide...

[marty998]

Just start talking to her about money and goals and the future and your frugality. Honestly it seems a bit strange that you are contemplating eventual marriage and aren't discussing these things already. Why do you want to marry her if you don't know if you have these major lifestyle choices in common?

Yes... I too thought the original post was a bit odd in that you "believe" she will be your wife one day. What does the girlfriend think of that? :P

If she likes to go to "overpriced theatres"... do you like doing that too? It's obvious you love her but are you comfortable marrying someone who has different money priorities to you?

Ok, lets try this. What if she came to you and wanted you to be more spendypants financially. How would you react? Would you be shocked? Bemused? Angry? Upset?

Now you can get a sense of how she might react if you spring it on her the wrong way...

Tread carefully mate.

[SachaFiscal]

I would introduce it slowly, not drop it all on her at once. Have you both talked about marriage? What about kids? If she wants to have kids maybe you could suggest the possibility of being able to retire early and devote more time to raising your kids. 

Taking on student debt is a big deal. Is she going into a field that will allow her to pay them off quickly? Maybe see how she handles money after she graduates and gets a job. If she starts to aggressively pay off her loans and save at a reasonable rate that would be a good sign.

I married someone without really considering how we both felt about money and retirement and we ended up getting divorced. The second time I learned from my mistake and made sure my husband and I were on the same page. We're not exactly in sync, there are always going to be some compromises, but they shouldn't be huge ones.