Author Topic: Intense buyers remorse  (Read 7225 times)


  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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Re: Intense buyers remorse
« Reply #50 on: April 18, 2019, 01:04:38 PM »
OP, I must say I really identify with you, so thank you so much for posting this. And everyone thanks for chiming in, it is a wake up call!

We also have 2 young kids. Both DH and I work, but he makes 50% more than I do, partly because I passed on promotions so I can spend more time with the kids, and I feel like between doing that and watching my spending somehow help "equalize" on the earning's end. We are also looking to buy a new(def more expensive) house in a better school district, during the next who knows when crash.

We make a good sum by any measure, and save a lot of take home income, but still I find myself lingering in the grocery store isles debating should I buy item A to save $1.50 over really preferred item B, or delaying inevitable repairs because it causes a good chunk upfront (if there is no safety concerns, more of inconvenience). I don't skimp when we do go to restaurants because we LOVE food, or buying high quality or fancy food to cook at home because it brings me joy and I firmly believe "you are what you eat". But I pinch my pennies on pretty much everything else, and feel the pain of "overspend" even after the decision/action is made/complete.

I feel ashamed to admit that half our money just park in the bank, "waiting" for the "next big crash", it would have been way more than half if not because of 401K and other investments made earlier on. Or we would have breeze through our FI numbers and some a year ago. Now it almost feels like I am "stuck", the stock market has gone so high, somewhere in my lizard brain if feels like we will lose big if I just "invest and forget it", while my more developed part of brain knows that's untrue if the investment horizon is sufficiently long. And of course with this mentality I missed out on the Dec 2018 buying opportunity because it is "ONLY" 20% drop.

And thank you Sailor Sam for pointing out the issue is deeper than that. We are less than 1 year away from FI number where we can both quit for good, even with all the cash hoarding instead of investment. Plus DH has no intention to stop anytime soon. But I STILL feel like we don't have enough, worrying something might go very wrong, and constantly blame myself for parking the money in the bank but too afraid to throw it into the index fund right now. The fear is real, despite my xls says otherwise. OP, just want you to know, at least in our case, getting this close to FI did not help, on the contrary it actually hinder my ability to invest because I fell like I am about to loss a good chunk of income. So again, the issue is deeper than that.

Just ordered that New mood therapy book Sailor Sam recommended, see if that helps. If not, I am heading the way of therapist. Living with fear and anxiety, especially imagined ones, is not a good way to live. What's the point with all this money if I feel miserable!

Thanks again everyone

OP here! Thank you for all the replies!! Some of the advice was really interesting. I know a lot of people are telling me to go to therapy and I do think I have a problem, but I also donít think a normal therapist could give good advice since they wouldnít understand my FIRE goals.

I think a reason why Iím a miser is because we havenít reached FI. If I can just make it though the next recession by staying conservative, then Iíll change to 100% S&P 500, reach FI and never worry again! I know that it is wrong to be so conservative, but I canít shake this feeling that a recession (-40%) is (+10%) away and right now Iím getting +3% which isnít great, but better than the statistics of a recession now that the bond yield inverted. I might put a little more into the S&P 500 now... because I do see your point that itís the right thing to do.

Iím a stay at home mom with 3 kids. We need to move for better public schools either this summer or next year. Having this unknown about needing to buy a new house also makes me conservative. I also think Iím more conservative because I donít work, so my ďincomeĒ is money saved. Iím really proud of it.

I will try to live in the moment more. I will also try not to suffer from tiny detail exaggeration syndrome... about money! One thing I realized about myself is that I find a lot of purpose in saving money, so I donít know why I worry at all about running out. If I was 85 and found myself without money I would be so happy that finally my skills were needed! At the same time I donít want my kids to feel that we were cheap in their childhood. So maybe I should have more faith. Spend more now and donít worry about the future. A worst case scenario at 85 might be enjoyable, but 3 kids requires more spending now.

Clever Name

  • Stubble
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Re: Intense buyers remorse
« Reply #51 on: April 18, 2019, 02:10:58 PM »
There are some great replies in this thread, but I'm surprised no one has mentioned that there is an MMM article on this exact subject (or nearly so).