Speaking as a veteran caregiver for 23 years (starting at age 22!), I suggest that you tell DH that even driving FIL to appointments is not your job. If FIL is cognizant, he gets to Uber or otherwise carry himself. The more he realizes it's his neck on the line that he has to deal with, the better he'll behave. If it leads to a medical event, so be it as his poor choices are NOT YOUR FAULT. Further, you have to get out of that house OR get FIL into an apartment (with day time non-medical help). OR if it is cancer or a medical reason, into Assisted Living at the lowest level of care. You'd be amazed at how quickly FIL shapes up after 30 days in Assisted Living. Also, the other family members get 90 day rotations with FIL if the money matters can't be sorted out. There is no reason a family with multiple siblings should ever move a parent into one house permanently. They will come up with all the sob stories you can image (I heard them all), but that's the way it is. I'm reliving some very painful years with this, but just know that it's inevitable that you'll snap and hurt yourself or DH or both the way this is headed. God's Peace!