Author Topic: I think today may be the day I quit  (Read 63788 times)

Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #200 on: December 01, 2017, 07:47:42 AM »
DH was like you really need to stop being a sexist asshole, now get up and help me with the dishes.

That is the only possible response in that situation.  +1 to your DH.

Clearly your FIL acts that way because he can.  He gets away with acting like a schmuck because it's easier for everyone around him to put up with his bullshit than it is to force him to shape up or ship out. 

I don't do well with spoiled.  My rule with my kids is if you act like a 4-year-old, I'll treat you like a 4-year-old.  Which generally translates into "if you are taking everything I do for granted, I've clearly made life too easy for you, so time to step up your game and contribute more.  You now get to cook dinner for us once a week."* 

In short, sounds to me like FIL needs a chore chart.  Perhaps if his current female support** becomes less comfy, he'll find a new one to leech off of.

*Pretty close to verbatim conversation with then-12-yr-old DD.  Subsequent squawking, whining, etc. edited for brevity.

**That would be you.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #201 on: December 04, 2017, 11:04:40 AM »
Holy crap...that you haven't summarily ejected your FIL from your home is a miracle and he should be kissing the ground you walk on for your patience.

That being said...what's it going to take for DH to see that this man is toxic and needs to be gone?

Oh DH knows he's toxic, but still feels somewhat responsible for him.  He needs to reach the part where he stops caring that the muck is his father.  My grandmother was the same way, it took my mom years before she cut her off.  I'm hoping DH comes to grips soon.  We are essentially waiting to see if he has a tumor on his back, that comes in a couple of weeks.  If it's not cancer, we are planning on having a coming to Jesus with him.  Every time we try to get him to do something he complains about his back hurting and that he has to sit.

In the meantime I've stopped doing anything for him.  I make breakfast and if he's not downstairs already, he doesn't get any (he usually doesn't leave his room until around noon). Same goes for dinner, foods there but if he's not downstairs he gets none.  I've directed him to pick up the dog poop weekly, but have to constantly remind him.  I was going to take care of trying to settle his credit card debts for him (so that he can start saving for a place to live) but told him this past weekend since he hasn't taken any initiative in regards to powers of attorneys, or to even update his will to remove his ex wife I won't do it. (PS we already know if there is anything it's not going to us, it's going to the two half brothers who don't speak to him).  I've told my husband that the ONLY thing I will do for him is take him to the doctors appointments (he doesn't have a car)

Money Badger

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #202 on: December 05, 2017, 08:21:44 PM »
Speaking as a veteran caregiver for 23 years (starting at age 22!), I suggest that you tell DH that even driving FIL to appointments is not your job.    If FIL is cognizant, he gets to Uber or otherwise carry himself.   The more he realizes it's his neck on the line that he has to deal with, the better he'll behave.  If it leads to a medical event, so be it as his poor choices are NOT YOUR FAULT.    Further, you have to get out of that house OR get FIL into an apartment (with day time non-medical help). OR if it is cancer or a medical reason, into Assisted Living at the lowest level of care.   You'd be amazed at how quickly FIL shapes up after 30 days in Assisted Living.   Also, the other family members get 90 day rotations with FIL if the money matters can't be sorted out.   There is no reason a family with multiple siblings should ever move a parent into one house permanently.   They will come up with all the sob stories you can image (I heard them all), but that's the way it is.    I'm reliving some very painful years with this, but just know that it's inevitable that you'll snap and hurt yourself or DH or both the way this is headed.   God's Peace!

scottish

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #203 on: December 09, 2017, 10:22:53 AM »
That looks like a good book.  Thank you!

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #204 on: January 01, 2018, 09:24:35 AM »
That looks like a good book.  Thank you!

Sure, any time!

It's solid gold as far as I'm concerned.  And I second SC93 - who, incidentally, I think I saw recommending the same book around here the other day.  (Or maybe it was robartsd.)  In any event, thank you, and I hope you find it as useful as I have.

Yea that does look pretty good.  Have a feeling I am going to need it, I had the spinal surgery and it was worse then they even thought (and I literally had a doc look at my MRI and go OH SHIT).  Some of the pain is lessened, but it's still not tolerable, it'll be a few months of PT before we know but there is a chance I may be permanently disabled...

Cassie

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #205 on: January 01, 2018, 11:20:42 AM »
I would put your FIL on some lists for low income senior housing.  Also there is section 8 housing where the government pays your rent and the landlord agrees to take what they pay.  The benefit to the landlord is that they know they will get the rent.   Another possibility is a group home for seniors. They have staff that looks after people, takes them to appointments, cooks, etc.  You need to do something for your own mental health.  Once he has to pay rent, etc he will realize he can't make his payments and will have to go bankrupt.  Sending you a big hug:))

dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #206 on: January 02, 2018, 10:59:30 AM »
That looks like a good book.  Thank you!

Sure, any time!

It's solid gold as far as I'm concerned.  And I second SC93 - who, incidentally, I think I saw recommending the same book around here the other day.  (Or maybe it was robartsd.)  In any event, thank you, and I hope you find it as useful as I have.

Yea that does look pretty good.  Have a feeling I am going to need it, I had the spinal surgery and it was worse then they even thought (and I literally had a doc look at my MRI and go OH SHIT).  Some of the pain is lessened, but it's still not tolerable, it'll be a few months of PT before we know but there is a chance I may be permanently disabled...

I hope things turn out well.  That is a bit unnerving (no pun intended).  It's good to hear you're making sure to take care of yourself, though. 

SC93

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #207 on: January 02, 2018, 11:21:13 AM »
It was me the other day but I think others have in the past. Boundaries should be a book that everyone reads; especially those that have a hard time setting them.

MrMoneyMullet

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #208 on: January 02, 2018, 06:15:45 PM »
I really enjoyed reading through this thread. Thanks for sharing, MishMash!