Author Topic: I think today may be the day I quit  (Read 31166 times)

samsonator54321

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #150 on: May 10, 2017, 07:37:03 AM »
Are you prepared for the inevitable phone call "Help we need an answer on.....".  My suggestion would be to ignore the call or charge $200 an hour with a one hour minimum.  My step dad was laid off a few years back and they tried to rope him back in for free consult.  His $200 dollar minimum put an end to that quickly. Although he did make a little bit for some urgent needs.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #151 on: May 10, 2017, 08:01:18 AM »
Are you prepared for the inevitable phone call "Help we need an answer on.....".  My suggestion would be to ignore the call or charge $200 an hour with a one hour minimum.  My step dad was laid off a few years back and they tried to rope him back in for free consult.  His $200 dollar minimum put an end to that quickly. Although he did make a little bit for some urgent needs.

I told them 150 an hour if they needed anything short term or if someone took vacation.  Got a lot of calls yesterday from people I've worked a long time with in the other office.  Their fears of an exodus are well founded.  4 of them told me they were job searching at the moment and a 5th told me he's working on his pilots license so he can gtfo when it's done and switch fields.

Emerald

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #152 on: May 10, 2017, 08:27:02 AM »
Are you prepared for the inevitable phone call "Help we need an answer on.....".  My suggestion would be to ignore the call or charge $200 an hour with a one hour minimum.  My step dad was laid off a few years back and they tried to rope him back in for free consult.  His $200 dollar minimum put an end to that quickly. Although he did make a little bit for some urgent needs.

Even better, change your phone number and never look back.

Strick

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #153 on: May 10, 2017, 08:28:59 AM »
I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment.

I hope you're coming to a peace with this.  There are so many answers to what you should "do with your life" at this moment and it appears no one on this thread thinks keeping this job is one of them. Your statement "I miscarried again" is one thing that comes to mind.  As it means you both need to improve your health and I'm guessing you're thinking of raising a family (which is frankly hard enough to do right and enjoy with one parent working, much less both).  And if I'm off base with that I'm sure you could/will come up with dozens of others as soon as you're not trying to just get thru each day (survival mode doesn't exactly allow for ones mind to look beyond this week).  It also sounds like your husband could easily be only 4 years behind you into FIRE without giving up much lifestyle-wise, a short window in life.  Best of Luck!

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #154 on: May 10, 2017, 10:33:51 AM »
I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment.

I hope you're coming to a peace with this.  There are so many answers to what you should "do with your life" at this moment and it appears no one on this thread thinks keeping this job is one of them. Your statement "I miscarried again" is one thing that comes to mind.  As it means you both need to improve your health and I'm guessing you're thinking of raising a family (which is frankly hard enough to do right and enjoy with one parent working, much less both).  And if I'm off base with that I'm sure you could/will come up with dozens of others as soon as you're not trying to just get thru each day (survival mode doesn't exactly allow for ones mind to look beyond this week).  It also sounds like your husband could easily be only 4 years behind you into FIRE without giving up much lifestyle-wise, a short window in life.  Best of Luck!

Nope, still having a stroke about it.  I've already been looking at open jobs in the area but I know I need to take some time off and not jump directly into something else.  I have a string of doctors appointments and dentist appointments I need to take care of and I probably won't have the flexibility to deal with them if I start something immediately.  I haven't been able to bend over forward in about a year my back has been so bad and this past weekend my whole left leg started going numb so I really need to get that taken care of.  I've had back issues for eons, but this is the worst it's been in a long while.

CheapskateWife

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #155 on: May 10, 2017, 10:36:55 AM »
MM, stop sweating the money and take care of yourself for goodness sakes!  You got this covered for a little while...so take a break, take a breath, don't jump into anything new for a bit.  The right opportunity will present itself, but you might not ever be unencumbered enough to work on YOU.  So do it!  You are so worth it!


Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #156 on: May 10, 2017, 11:06:04 AM »
I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment.

I hope you're coming to a peace with this.  There are so many answers to what you should "do with your life" at this moment and it appears no one on this thread thinks keeping this job is one of them. Your statement "I miscarried again" is one thing that comes to mind.  As it means you both need to improve your health and I'm guessing you're thinking of raising a family (which is frankly hard enough to do right and enjoy with one parent working, much less both).  And if I'm off base with that I'm sure you could/will come up with dozens of others as soon as you're not trying to just get thru each day (survival mode doesn't exactly allow for ones mind to look beyond this week).  It also sounds like your husband could easily be only 4 years behind you into FIRE without giving up much lifestyle-wise, a short window in life.  Best of Luck!

Nope, still having a stroke about it.  I've already been looking at open jobs in the area but I know I need to take some time off and not jump directly into something else.  I have a string of doctors appointments and dentist appointments I need to take care of and I probably won't have the flexibility to deal with them if I start something immediately.  I haven't been able to bend over forward in about a year my back has been so bad and this past weekend my whole left leg started going numb so I really need to get that taken care of.  I've had back issues for eons, but this is the worst it's been in a long while.

"We have met the enemy and he is us."
- Walt Kelly

;-)
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

samsonator54321

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #157 on: May 10, 2017, 11:36:33 AM »
MishMash,

I stared doing yoga 3x a week about 4 months ago and it has done wonders for my back. I also wouldn't be surprised if the back pain went down as you decompressed from this big stressful change. I've heard poor mental health (e.g. Work stress) can cause back inflammation. And I'm not talking about a phantom pain, I mean your mental health may literally trigger your back to be inflamed.  Now you might have some injury or something I don't know, and I'm not a doctor but I figured it might be worth mentioning.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #158 on: May 10, 2017, 12:12:39 PM »
I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment.

I hope you're coming to a peace with this.  There are so many answers to what you should "do with your life" at this moment and it appears no one on this thread thinks keeping this job is one of them. Your statement "I miscarried again" is one thing that comes to mind.  As it means you both need to improve your health and I'm guessing you're thinking of raising a family (which is frankly hard enough to do right and enjoy with one parent working, much less both).  And if I'm off base with that I'm sure you could/will come up with dozens of others as soon as you're not trying to just get thru each day (survival mode doesn't exactly allow for ones mind to look beyond this week).  It also sounds like your husband could easily be only 4 years behind you into FIRE without giving up much lifestyle-wise, a short window in life.  Best of Luck!

Nope, still having a stroke about it.  I've already been looking at open jobs in the area but I know I need to take some time off and not jump directly into something else.  I have a string of doctors appointments and dentist appointments I need to take care of and I probably won't have the flexibility to deal with them if I start something immediately.  I haven't been able to bend over forward in about a year my back has been so bad and this past weekend my whole left leg started going numb so I really need to get that taken care of.  I've had back issues for eons, but this is the worst it's been in a long while.

"We have met the enemy and he is us."
- Walt Kelly

;-)

Yea it's totally me.  I hate relying on other people for anything financially, I've pretty much been taking care of myself since I was 14 (grew up poor, once I had a job my expenses were mine although rent didn't start until I was 17) and the idea that DH will be supporting our household financially is a REALLY tough pill for me to swallow.  Totally 100% in my head, fully aware of that fact.  You don't realize how much growing up poor affects you until you are in a situation like this let me tell you lol.

Slee_stack

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #159 on: May 10, 2017, 12:25:59 PM »
I suspect many if not most of this community did not grow up with anything resembling a silver spoon.

But your view resonates with me.  I also tend to be dependent on no one.  If my SO and I split, we would both still do just fine financially on our own.  In the end though, it may mean we both will have worked too long or too hard or saved too much.  Our 'independence' undoubtedly has a pretty significant price tag attached.

Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #160 on: May 10, 2017, 12:58:07 PM »
You don't realize how much growing up poor affects you until you are in a situation like this let me tell you lol.

Last week, DH mocked me mercilessly because I refused to buy the $3.99 name-brand gum from Amazon after they raised the price, even though it was demonstrably better than the $2.99 generic gum from Aldi's.  We make mid-six-figures.  :-)

Tl;dr:  Preach.
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

Villanelle

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #161 on: May 10, 2017, 11:47:30 PM »
You are constrained by the 90 non-compete, yes?  Perhaps in this case, that is a wonderful thing.  You realistically must wait about 60 days before even applying to most jobs. In a way, it has been taken out of your hands.  You *MUST* take time off between jobs.

If you do get offered and take any of those $150 hours, make sure they don't extend your non-compete time in any way.

Also, remind yourself that in taking care of these health problems before they get even worse, you are *saving* money.  How much more would that dentist appointment cost you if you pit it off another 2 years?  Probably a lot.  So while you may not be bringing in an income, you are still contributing to moving forward the finances in a meaningful way.  Likewise, any money you save by perhaps cooking more or walking to errands now that you have time, or anything like that, is forward progress toward FIRE.  A paycheck is not the only way to contribute to your family's finances. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #162 on: May 11, 2017, 03:10:11 PM »
You are constrained by the 90 non-compete, yes?  Perhaps in this case, that is a wonderful thing.  You realistically must wait about 60 days before even applying to most jobs. In a way, it has been taken out of your hands.  You *MUST* take time off between jobs.

If you do get offered and take any of those $150 hours, make sure they don't extend your non-compete time in any way.

Also, remind yourself that in taking care of these health problems before they get even worse, you are *saving* money.  How much more would that dentist appointment cost you if you pit it off another 2 years?  Probably a lot.  So while you may not be bringing in an income, you are still contributing to moving forward the finances in a meaningful way.  Likewise, any money you save by perhaps cooking more or walking to errands now that you have time, or anything like that, is forward progress toward FIRE.  A paycheck is not the only way to contribute to your family's finances.

Yea I'm under the 90 day, however based on how everyone is acting, including the CEO and the VPs, I'm not sure they would exercise it with me.  It's really freakishly odd how nice they are all being, like they genuinely seem upset that I'm leaving (with the exception of shitty sales team, they are LITERALLY going out of their way to give me the cold shoulder and be rude).  Probably because they never thought I'd walk after how much shit I've put up with.   My boss told me she was pretty sure shitty sales team would tank doing my job on purpose so they had something else to use to blame on their lack of numbers.

Emerald

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #163 on: May 16, 2017, 10:39:02 AM »
Just checking in to see how things are going.  Are you officially gone?

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #164 on: July 02, 2017, 07:09:03 PM »
Gone, gone and GONE! Left on my final day in May, aaaand I am still unemployed.   Ended up herniating a disc massively 4 days after my last day at work (to be fair it was probably already borderline, lifting mulch bags did it in), so I am now in PT 3X a week and am getting cortisone shots soon hopefully after an ER visit that I literally had to call an Uber for because I couldn't move, much less drive.  Also setting up appointments at the fertility specialist this week, and finally completed all my well put off dentist appointments.

DH came home from deployment not the same way he left so we have been working through that, bought a cheap ass used boat that had a ton of issues but he is SOOOOOO excited about it that I can't really say anything.  It's the first thing he's been excited about, and happy about in a long while.  I see the bills for it piling up and now, being stress free, am trying to put it into perspective, I know it's a useless toy, but the bills for it are racking up at under .005 of our net worth.  And I'm seeing a smile on his face and an excitement that has been missing for a while. 

We went fishing with some folks we met years ago up in New England a couple of weeks ago and that was awesome.  Still trying to overcome my urge to work, I applied for a few jobs, not ones I expect to get though.  Having a real hard time playing housewife and doing all the things that come with that.  DH seems to love it though.


401Killer

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #165 on: July 05, 2017, 06:17:12 AM »
Just read the entire thread, one of the best stories I've gotten to experience on the forums since joining. These are the real stories I think most of us are looking for on here.

MMM win! The whole point of this stuff is to be able to do exactly what you did... If you had a different financial situation, there very likely would have been less options. The decision to leave could have been almost impossible without another job already lined up.

Congrats on making the decision, I hope you guys are doing well.


Linda_Norway

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #166 on: July 05, 2017, 08:06:35 AM »
I've just been reading the whole thread. Really good for you to have finally made the decision to quit. You deserve it. Take it easy for a while. Maybe it helps for you to work with software on a safety critical system. Then at least they won't send out crappy software, like they do in telecom.

dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #167 on: July 05, 2017, 10:55:03 AM »
Wow.  A lot of mixed news.  It sounds like everything is moving more towards good, though.  Hopefully you'll have a little luck with kids.

How are things going with the old folks?

Dicey

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #168 on: July 06, 2017, 01:20:54 AM »
Yay for quitting, boo-hoo about your back. I hope you're on the way back to restored health pronto.
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Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #169 on: July 06, 2017, 06:16:59 AM »
Hey, big congrats for pulling the plug on the job!  Sorry the rest of life isn't smoothing out more quickly, but I'd have to hope the giant pile o' crap is easier to manage without the hellacious work stress on top, right?  right? 

Good luck!  Hope the rest of things smooth out soon.
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MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #170 on: July 06, 2017, 01:33:57 PM »
Hey, big congrats for pulling the plug on the job!  Sorry the rest of life isn't smoothing out more quickly, but I'd have to hope the giant pile o' crap is easier to manage without the hellacious work stress on top, right?  right? 

Good luck!  Hope the rest of things smooth out soon.

Actually outside of the frustration of not being able to move/exercise/bend over/lift everything is fine, I'm probably 50% less stressed even WITH all the pile o crap going on.  I have the time now to actually get it fixed, and I can take any appointment at any time of the day instead of having to beg and ask permission and then stress out over sitting there and getting back to work when I said I would. 

I saw DHs dad about a month ago at his brothers graduation.  He isn't doing good, and looks like crap.  All the siblings (minus DH who was still gone) tried to talk some sense into him, he was having none of it so we've all just pretty much given up on it.  It's been a couple of years and you can't force someone to take care of themselves, no matter how hard you try unfortunately.  He is dead set on blaming his current situation on everyone else BUT himself (from the motel owner, to his divorce lawyer, to the politicians in CA, to our last president).  He pretty much epitomizes the "you can lead a horse to water" statement.

Even with the crap going on things are better.  I am less stressed, even with the pain.  The topic of my old job came up with DH last weekend, I was stressing about not having a job, and not really being able to get one until the back is better.  DH started talking about my old job asking some things about the people that are there and how they are doing and what the new products are doing (folks still share the local gossip with me weekly) and even in 10 minutes of talking about it, my chest started getting tight, I got agitated, and generally pissed off.  DH looked at me and goes, how did that feel, seems like you are getting pissed?  Yea, eye opening.  He was like..yea that's how you were, all day...every day.  I don't care if you don't have a job, you aren't like a small bomb waiting to go off every day anymore.

Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #171 on: July 06, 2017, 01:56:19 PM »
He was like..yea that's how you were, all day...every day.  I don't care if you don't have a job, you aren't like a small bomb waiting to go off every day anymore.

Well, THAT's a total win, even if it does set the bar pretty low.  :-)

Seriously, glad to hear the mental state is so much improved.
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Linda_Norway

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #172 on: July 07, 2017, 02:07:40 AM »
Even with the crap going on things are better.  I am less stressed, even with the pain.  The topic of my old job came up with DH last weekend, I was stressing about not having a job, and not really being able to get one until the back is better.  DH started talking about my old job asking some things about the people that are there and how they are doing and what the new products are doing (folks still share the local gossip with me weekly) and even in 10 minutes of talking about it, my chest started getting tight, I got agitated, and generally pissed off.  DH looked at me and goes, how did that feel, seems like you are getting pissed?  Yea, eye opening.  He was like..yea that's how you were, all day...every day.  I don't care if you don't have a job, you aren't like a small bomb waiting to go off every day anymore.

This is what chaotic jobs do with us that feel responsible. I have gotten similar feedback from my DH, that I am way too stressed all the time, flying around in the house doing three things at the time, stressing out extremely when some water boils over on the stove. All due to being extremely stressed at work all day. This continues during the evening. Luckily for me, now it is summer time and for the first time in half a year my calendar is not packed with meetings all day long. I can do stuff at my own pace now, and even choose my tasks. For 2 precious weeks. My DH even asked me to do something about the stress, may talking to a psychologist. I even went to my GP to ask him to advise me on a psychologist. But very soon after our community gave a free stress management course. I talked my way into that course and followed it for 10 weeks. I have also been reading some books about taking it easy, 10 techniques for mastering stress and am generally very aware of it. But it is still a bit difficult to reduce stress completely while still working in a stressful environment. I just hope I can hold out for 2-3 more years and then I hope to retire permanently. Finding another job would for me mean to get a much longer commute, maybe working longer days and becoming stressed of that. I think I just really need retirement. A smaller house would also help. Our new house is very big, is a lot of work to clean and has quite a few issues with the previous owner, which give mental stress. I do my best to relax at home and manage it partly. I am also trying to teach my DH not to bother me with so many other things  (showing me stuff on facebook) when I am concentrating on e.g. cooking something difficult. He is starting to take it into account.

mm1970

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #173 on: July 07, 2017, 11:30:04 AM »
He was like..yea that's how you were, all day...every day.  I don't care if you don't have a job, you aren't like a small bomb waiting to go off every day anymore.

Well, THAT's a total win, even if it does set the bar pretty low.  :-)

Seriously, glad to hear the mental state is so much improved.
+1

thriftycanadian

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #174 on: July 07, 2017, 09:15:30 PM »

"Yea it's totally me.  I hate relying on other people for anything financially, I've pretty much been taking care of myself since I was 14 (grew up poor, once I had a job my expenses were mine although rent didn't start until I was 17) and the idea that DH will be supporting our household financially is a REALLY tough pill for me to swallow.  Totally 100% in my head, fully aware of that fact.  You don't realize how much growing up poor affects you until you are in a situation like this let me tell you lol."


I can't agree more regarding the growing up poor aspect.  I grew up dirt poor, supporting myself including paying own rent and food since age 16.   For some people it breaks them, but for a few this type of past propels into overachievement, perhaps perfectionism and fear of "going back" even though that is unrealistic.  This can lead to big time burnout.  I am close to FI, need a change, but my past is messing with me in this regard too.

Sapphire

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #175 on: July 08, 2017, 03:16:38 AM »
Gone, gone and GONE! Left on my final day in May, aaaand I am still unemployed.   Ended up herniating a disc massively 4 days after my last day at work (to be fair it was probably already borderline, lifting mulch bags did it in), so I am now in PT 3X a week and am getting cortisone shots soon hopefully after an ER visit that I literally had to call an Uber for because I couldn't move, much less drive.  Also setting up appointments at the fertility specialist this week, and finally completed all my well put off dentist appointments.

I have just read your thread holding my breath - will she, won't she leave - and so glad to see you have.  (Lots of clapping!!)

Perhaps your herniated disc is the universe's way of saying slow down.

I understand how you feel about not "earning your own income" - I suffer the same problem.  But your DH sounds like he is on song with what you are doing so try to relax about it. 

Take your time and don't worry about applying for any jobs.  You probably need at least six months to detox.  Think of this time as getting your health into the best possible position.  We're all here for you :)     

frugalsusan

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #176 on: July 08, 2017, 10:27:03 AM »
MishMash, I just want to say that I am incredibly inspired by how you handled yourself with what you wrote in regards to dealing with extreme harassment at work. In a hostile room, you un-muted the phone to tell the woman that her camera was on. You actually complained to a board member regarding the situation you were going through. Both of those actions aren't easy by a long shot. It's clear to me by how much your company wanted to work with you once you gave notice that they valued you for your integrity.

There are so many people who just deal privately with harassment because the backlash after doing what you did can be so horrible. You spoke up. Go you. I wish you the best with everything and particularly with finding balance in your life. The one other thing I was going to note is that sometimes family stress can be worse than work stress (I sometimes use work as a reprieve from my family stress) so I was worried that might be the case when you left your job. It sounds like that hasn't been the case for you at all. Rock on.

SCUBAstache

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #177 on: July 08, 2017, 11:44:25 AM »
Gone, gone and GONE! Left on my final day in May, aaaand I am still unemployed.   Ended up herniating a disc massively 4 days after my last day at work (to be fair it was probably already borderline, lifting mulch bags did it in), so I am now in PT 3X a week and am getting cortisone shots soon hopefully after an ER visit that I literally had to call an Uber for because I couldn't move, much less drive.  Also setting up appointments at the fertility specialist this week, and finally completed all my well put off dentist appointments.

I have just read your thread holding my breath - will she, won't she leave - and so glad to see you have.  (Lots of clapping!!)

Perhaps your herniated disc is the universe's way of saying slow down.

I understand how you feel about not "earning your own income" - I suffer the same problem.  But your DH sounds like he is on song with what you are doing so try to relax about it. 

Take your time and don't worry about applying for any jobs.  You probably need at least six months to detox.  Think of this time as getting your health into the best possible position.  We're all here for you :)   

Same here - what a great thread. Huge congrats on leaving! Very inspiring and nice to hear DH ended up being supportive. I hope things continue to get better for you. Back issues suck, mine also seems to flare up with stress (or when I'm dumb and try to lift heavy things).

Ref the work detox stuff, have you read Dr Doom's blog? I found it really great, though I haven't quit yet, he works through a lot of the issues I think I'll have if/when I pull the plug.

Also, if you haven't seen it yet there's a great Baby/Pregnancy thread in the journal's section on here for folks in all stages of the process, including the undecideds like me!

Guide2003

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #178 on: July 08, 2017, 01:40:37 PM »
I read the first few comments and jumped to the reply part, so I apologise if I didn't read something that I should had
Same here, and I'm sure this will echo a lot of other replies, but since the account you've written garners so much consensus on this forum but your husband isn't on board 100%, that sounds to me more like a communication problem than a tough decision. Do you feel like he fully understand the difficulty and still thinks you should get over it, or do you think he underestimates what you are going through due to the lack of empathy? Maybe get him to read this post and the comments?

If its already this hard, I'd say 4-7 more years of it sounds completely unsustainable. Maybe you could pitch the quitting idea to him in a way that would be attractive to him such as working at the dealership/store that sells his "toys" so he can get a discount, finding a job with the best 401k matching, getting the job with most flexible schedule so you can travel around his deployments, or having a position that allows you to do more around the house that he would value when home from deployment? With so much going for you already I wouldn't worry too much about the pay cut especially if there is real physical damage being done by the stress.
“We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.” Mother Teresa

ssways

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #179 on: July 09, 2017, 10:05:05 AM »
I knew I had to quit when I thought I was having a heart attack at work. ( I later found out after dishing shit load of money in the ER that it was only a panic attack). I waited two weeks and then turn in my resignation. You know when its time! :)
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MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #180 on: November 19, 2017, 05:15:47 PM »
Got quite a few calls on Friday...apparently my old company laid off about 60% of the staff on Friday so looking like the updated salary they offered wouldn't have been great for the long term ;-)  The one that got stuck doing my job when I quit told me it's just INSANE, everyone is now doing the work of 4 people for no extra pay and a whopping 1% raise next year (which they were told they should feel lucky for since some people weren't getting even that).  The old CEO and CFO are now out in addition to the lower staff. 

In other news, still unemployed, ready to murder my FIL that moved in with us in August (he may be the laziest human being I've ever met), and I'm due for back surgery in a short while so can't really function so well.  Our NW has increased 6 figures since I quit due to the market, but I really can't wait until surgery is over to get another job, mainly because I can't stand being around my FIL all day.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2017, 05:37:42 PM by MishMash »

SC93

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #181 on: November 19, 2017, 05:25:47 PM »
Sure is great working for ME. No idea how people deal with bosses.

On another note, our household has a 36 hour rule.... after 36 hours you LEAVE! No joke. We don't care who you are or what the problem is.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #182 on: November 19, 2017, 05:56:17 PM »
Sure is great working for ME. No idea how people deal with bosses.

On another note, our household has a 36 hour rule.... after 36 hours you LEAVE! No joke. We don't care who you are or what the problem is.

That was always our standpoint as well.  Until DHs dad was near deaths door living in a hotel for 2 years after the divorce from his trophy wife.  DH felt guilty, his siblings and ex stepmom kept calling him and saying he "needed to rescue" his dad etc, and he fell for it.  I can understand the guilt feeling (even though his dad always has been a POS in my opinion) so this a 1.5 yr limit to get him healthy, and used to living on his own for the first time in his 70 yrs.  It's about DH letting himself know he's done everything in his power to help.  I don't think it's going to last that long however, DH is getting fed up with his fathers unwillingness to do ANYTHING (to include dealing with his 6 figures in debt, he views bankruptcy as something only poor Democrats do, even though despite earning a 300k salary for decades has exactly jack shit to show for it).  He's also insulted me, and women in general, SEVERAL times.  DH lost it on him last week when FIL indicated that I wasn't nearly as intelligent as DH, in front of him.  Kudos to husband for acknowledging I score higher on IQ tests then he does.

SC93

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #183 on: November 19, 2017, 07:21:29 PM »
We both have to agree in our household before anything is changed and both of us would never agree to have someone live with us. I wish you the best but it sounds like your hell might soon be over. I hope so.

Our grandson who is 14 has lived with us since he was 8 but that was before the 36 hour rule was in place and is a part of why we have the rule. He is an angel and is on the A/B honor roll so we really can't complain about him being here. I think we will both be lost without him when he is 18 and moves out even though we are not 'kid people'.

My wife sometimes spends the night with her mother (90 years old) and I actually tell her to bring her mom to our house for the night but she doesn't even want her mom spending the night. lol She thinks others might think that is an open door to them and she knows I will tell them to hit the road. :)

Jantoven

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #184 on: November 19, 2017, 09:38:51 PM »
This whole thread was pretty neat to read.  Great job!  With 1.4-1.5mil invested and a probable pension coming in a few years, I'd say you should enjoy your time to the greatest extent possible.  You have the power to dictate your future, whether it's to stay retired, find a better job, work part-time, etc etc.  Congratulations!! :)

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #185 on: November 19, 2017, 09:52:29 PM »
Just chiming in to say I feel your pain. My MIL and her pal Al Z. Heimer are still with us, too. For the foreseeable future. Joy, joy. I hope your surgery goes well.
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mwulff

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #186 on: November 20, 2017, 02:14:08 AM »
This thread inspired my to actually quit my job and starting the 20th of march I will enjoy 6 months of quiet time. I'm not at the point where I can retire permanently but some peace and quiet might be good for me.

Thanks MishMash for inspiring me :)

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #187 on: November 20, 2017, 08:44:38 AM »
Hi Mishmash!

With regards to your FIL and his not-so-casual sexism:  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  Not acceptable.  Its great that your DH stood up for you but damnit, in your own home, he shouldn't have to.

So how do you help your DH get from feeling guilty to "get the hell out, dad."  You deserve better than this and need a safe space to recover from your pending surgery.


MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #188 on: November 20, 2017, 11:22:38 AM »
This thread inspired my to actually quit my job and starting the 20th of march I will enjoy 6 months of quiet time. I'm not at the point where I can retire permanently but some peace and quiet might be good for me.

Thanks MishMash for inspiring me :)

I'm glad!  Even with all the BS this year has brought with FIL, and my back, I'm still MUCH happier than I was when I was working there...hands down.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #189 on: November 20, 2017, 11:25:35 AM »
Hi Mishmash!

With regards to your FIL and his not-so-casual sexism:  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  Not acceptable.  Its great that your DH stood up for you but damnit, in your own home, he shouldn't have to.

So how do you help your DH get from feeling guilty to "get the hell out, dad."  You deserve better than this and need a safe space to recover from your pending surgery.

He's getting there on his own.  He's frustrated that his dad pretty much sits and watches TV all day while I struggle to do basic functions, like dishes.  We went on a weekend trip, left him with a bunch of healthy leftovers that he just had to microwave, came home and he'd eaten three things of pringles, a case of beer, a bag of chocolate chips, sunflower seeds and 3 frozen pizzas.  PS he's a diabetic DH lost his shit.

CheapskateWife

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #190 on: November 20, 2017, 11:55:02 AM »
Hi Mishmash!

With regards to your FIL and his not-so-casual sexism:  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  Not acceptable.  Its great that your DH stood up for you but damnit, in your own home, he shouldn't have to.

So how do you help your DH get from feeling guilty to "get the hell out, dad."  You deserve better than this and need a safe space to recover from your pending surgery.

He's getting there on his own.  He's frustrated that his dad pretty much sits and watches TV all day while I struggle to do basic functions, like dishes.  We went on a weekend trip, left him with a bunch of healthy leftovers that he just had to microwave, came home and he'd eaten three things of pringles, a case of beer, a bag of chocolate chips, sunflower seeds and 3 frozen pizzas.  PS he's a diabetic DH lost his shit.
We had my MIL living with us for a time (also guilt).  The fact of the matter was that she was willing to destroy our peace for her own wants.  That made the feelings of obligation disappear pretty quickly.  So the last tantrum she through, she made the claim that she wanted to go home, and we jumped on it and said "OK!  Here's your plane ticket."  Felt awful at first to take such a hard line, but she is a semi-competent human being who has managed thusfar.  She continues to manage without us.

When we accept responsibility for other people, we think we have the right to decide how they should live, when in reality we shouldn't just not be accepting responsibility for other people (especially other adults)!  Your FIL's health (or lack thereof) is not your responsibility.  But if he's in your home, you will continue to feel obligated.  And the last thing you need in your life is a sexist diabetic FIL under your nose and eating your pringles.

If you told your DH that you were ready for FIL to find his own place, would DH act on it?


MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #191 on: November 20, 2017, 02:42:45 PM »
Hi Mishmash!

With regards to your FIL and his not-so-casual sexism:  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  Not acceptable.  Its great that your DH stood up for you but damnit, in your own home, he shouldn't have to.

So how do you help your DH get from feeling guilty to "get the hell out, dad."  You deserve better than this and need a safe space to recover from your pending surgery.

He's getting there on his own.  He's frustrated that his dad pretty much sits and watches TV all day while I struggle to do basic functions, like dishes.  We went on a weekend trip, left him with a bunch of healthy leftovers that he just had to microwave, came home and he'd eaten three things of pringles, a case of beer, a bag of chocolate chips, sunflower seeds and 3 frozen pizzas.  PS he's a diabetic DH lost his shit.
We had my MIL living with us for a time (also guilt).  The fact of the matter was that she was willing to destroy our peace for her own wants.  That made the feelings of obligation disappear pretty quickly.  So the last tantrum she through, she made the claim that she wanted to go home, and we jumped on it and said "OK!  Here's your plane ticket."  Felt awful at first to take such a hard line, but she is a semi-competent human being who has managed thusfar.  She continues to manage without us.

When we accept responsibility for other people, we think we have the right to decide how they should live, when in reality we shouldn't just not be accepting responsibility for other people (especially other adults)!  Your FIL's health (or lack thereof) is not your responsibility.  But if he's in your home, you will continue to feel obligated.  And the last thing you need in your life is a sexist diabetic FIL under your nose and eating your pringles.

If you told your DH that you were ready for FIL to find his own place, would DH act on it?

He's getting there rapidly.  However, FIL just had an MRI where they found a mass on his spine, which the radiologist said was a cyst, the doctor ordered another MRI for next month because he doesn't think it is, he's worried about cancer.  So DH wouldn't move on that until we get those results back.  FIL also can't afford to live on his own yet until we can convince him to either bankrupt or settle his 100k in credit card debt.   His payments are pretty much his entire social security check, which is all he will really have to live off of.

CheapskateWife

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #192 on: November 20, 2017, 03:17:55 PM »
FIL also can't afford to live on his own yet until we can convince him to either bankrupt or settle his 100k in credit card debt.   His payments are pretty much his entire social security check, which is all he will really have to live off of.
Yes, but how is this YOUR problem?

I know that's super harsh so I've come back to soften the blow...Is it really the responsibility of you and your DH to take care of this man?  Especially considering he makes decisions that prove he doesn't value your care?

Hoping you and DH can get to an emotionally safe place where you can either establish some ground rules with this man, or invite him to find another place to crash.  Again, you don't deserve to be treated like that in your home.
« Last Edit: November 20, 2017, 03:28:20 PM by CheapskateWife »


dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #193 on: November 20, 2017, 03:23:50 PM »
FIL also can't afford to live on his own yet until we can convince him to either bankrupt or settle his 100k in credit card debt.   His payments are pretty much his entire social security check, which is all he will really have to live off of.
Yes, but how is this YOUR problem?

For better or worse family is always YOUR problem. 

GreenSheep

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #194 on: November 20, 2017, 05:05:11 PM »
FIL also can't afford to live on his own yet until we can convince him to either bankrupt or settle his 100k in credit card debt.   His payments are pretty much his entire social security check, which is all he will really have to live off of.
Yes, but how is this YOUR problem?

For better or worse family is always YOUR problem.

I disagree, unless we're talking about minor children here, or unless you are somehow legally obligated to care for an adult relative and it would be neglect, in the eyes of the law, not to. Otherwise, I don't feel any obligation to people who seem to think I exist only for them to take advantage of me, whether we happen to share some genes or not. I'm not suggesting anyone throw Dad out on the street, but I think it's reasonable to do what you can to help him get on his feet, and if he's resistant to the help, well, too bad for him. Some people actually do better when they realize, "Oh shit, no one's helping me anymore. I'm going to have to do this on my own."

Slee_stack

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #195 on: November 21, 2017, 11:06:56 AM »
There are plenty of people who are downright hateful (or borderline evil) in the way they treat their 'family'.

Should someone who physically abuses you be 'your responsibility' just because they are 'family'?! 

That would be a pretty damn sick suggestion wouldn't it?


Hopefully, for most, the family dynamic is functional....but there are plenty of messed up situations out there.  Treat a person how they DESERVE to be treated.  Some deserve very little...

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #196 on: November 21, 2017, 02:33:41 PM »
FIL also can't afford to live on his own yet until we can convince him to either bankrupt or settle his 100k in credit card debt.   His payments are pretty much his entire social security check, which is all he will really have to live off of.
Yes, but how is this YOUR problem?

For better or worse family is always YOUR problem.

I disagree, unless we're talking about minor children here, or unless you are somehow legally obligated to care for an adult relative and it would be neglect, in the eyes of the law, not to. Otherwise, I don't feel any obligation to people who seem to think I exist only for them to take advantage of me, whether we happen to share some genes or not. I'm not suggesting anyone throw Dad out on the street, but I think it's reasonable to do what you can to help him get on his feet, and if he's resistant to the help, well, too bad for him. Some people actually do better when they realize, "Oh shit, no one's helping me anymore. I'm going to have to do this on my own."

He was in the "oh shit no ones helping me anymore" stage for the past two years.  That's how we ended up here.  He LITERALLY failed to adult.  Spent more then he was bringing in, lived in a hotel, stopped taking his insulin, and so on.  When DH got there, he said the room he lived in was a toxic waste site.  Spoiled food and dog shit everywhere.  Said it was one of the most disgusting things he's ever seen. 

He got yelled at by the PT today for not doing his strengthening exercises, she told me there's not much she can do if he doesn't cooperate.  I told him on the way out that I have ZERO sympathy for him because he's not willing to help himself.  Also told him if he doesn't start adulting, and doing his exercises, eating better etc then we would be forced to put him in a home so that he has someone looking after him 24-7 forcing him to take his meds and do his exercises.  He wasn't happy, I didn't care.

CheapskateWife

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #197 on: November 22, 2017, 08:31:46 AM »
He got yelled at by the PT today for not doing his strengthening exercises, she told me there's not much she can do if he doesn't cooperate.  I told him on the way out that I have ZERO sympathy for him because he's not willing to help himself.  Also told him if he doesn't start adulting, and doing his exercises, eating better etc then we would be forced to put him in a home so that he has someone looking after him 24-7 forcing him to take his meds and do his exercises.  He wasn't happy, I didn't care.
Your response to this scenario is excellent!  Especially the part about you not caring ;-)  Hoping this either gets his attention, or emboldens you and DH to make other arrangements for him.


dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #198 on: November 22, 2017, 11:10:05 AM »
How has your FIL made it this far?

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #199 on: November 30, 2017, 02:24:20 PM »
How has your FIL made it this far?

Women...seriously.  He married DHs mom right out of law school, she took care of everything, and worked.  Then, he cheated on her, with his secretary, got a divorce, but was with said side chick the whole time.  Then DHs mom died and he got custody, he immediately hired a live in au pair.  Broke up with crazy side chick, then met DHs step mom 2 months later, married her 5 months after that.  She quit her job as soon as they were married since he earned a high salary, had a couple of kids of their own, and still had the live in au pair.  He never had to do anything except go to work, and even then he's been fired from every. job. he's. ever. had.  He may last 7 years or 6 months but he's always been fired (largely for being late, or slow).  But it's never his fault.   

He made the mistake at family Thanksgiving of petting the dog and whilst talking to the dog, goes "see all the women are doing work, while us men sleep and relax, like it should be"  I come from a LARGE family of very strong willed women, I didn't even have to say anything and they chewed him a new ass.  His response "well I'm not saying it's the way it SHOULD be, but it's the way it is"  DH was like you really need to stop being a sexist asshole, now get up and help me with the dishes.