Author Topic: I think today may be the day I quit  (Read 31164 times)

Father Dougal

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #100 on: April 10, 2017, 01:33:25 AM »
Hi MishMash

I sympathize with your situation.  It’s great you’ve taken action against a toxic workplace and think there is one more aspect it’s worth specifically thinking about – your stress. 

The stress you feel is extreme, and has even affected your health.  When I look at many of the events you describe (bad business decisions being made, lazy colleagues, etc), it seems to me that you are taking on the problems of the whole business and feeling stress because of it – a lot of them are out of your control.  (Obviously the physical and sexual harassment do not fall into this category, but thanks to your actions the people who did it are now gone, and you deserve great credit for standing up to them.) 

Remember, people can put you under pressure (eg workload) but your reaction is what causes you stress.  I believe it is very important that you understand why you react in the way you do, and I think it would be valuable for you to get professional help, or at least talk it through with someone.  This is not a criticism – you are clearly an intelligent, committed employee. In fact, perhaps you care too much!

Quitting or not quitting is less important.  You’ll be successful either way.

Take care.

PS.  Also, never take advice from strangers on the internet.  Except me, of course.

golden1

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #101 on: April 10, 2017, 07:16:39 AM »
Don't stay.  Trust me, if you are valuable enough that they are panicking because you are leaving, then you will be able to get another job, no problem.  If you are stressed to the point of misery, it isn't worth it. 

If you were truly evil, and you could put up with the pain for another few months, you could take the job with increased pay and immediately use that increased pay to land another job that pays even more, but that might be considered unethical, and would certainly burn some bridges. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #102 on: April 10, 2017, 08:03:08 AM »
All this "give me a number", and heated "arguments" in meeting rooms, strikes me as a crappy car salesperson from hell scenario.  So now they can cough up a 50% pay increase; I'd be feeling kinda used, and their desperation is showing.  All of this reminds me of the psych studies I read at University, where more pay/some benefit was given to workers, that resulted in higher performance/better perceived work situation, resulting in more productivity/job satisfaction...  Only to revert back very shortly to previous levels, or worse.  Tossing $$$/broken "it will get better" promises/petty privileges, can't fix a toxic, dysfunctional work place, full of non-leadership.  It's a trap.  You will now just be a better paid, shinier miserable cog, where they will hold it over you, to justify more work piled on.  It's a perverse, lop sided quid pro quo, six sigma whatever the fuck approved tactic, that will destroy you, should you take the bait.  I've been there.

$1.4MM and nearly dying from stress?...  A GTFOuta there now message just entered your airspace, and all it takes to heed is a refined, as non bridge-burney as possible resignation letter.  Hell, I hit the FU eject button at work, before FU eject was cool, with barely two nickles to rub together; but have to say doing the FU eject, with FU $$$ to back it up, is far more satisfying...  Think Sting's "wrapped around your finger"... "When you find your servant is your master", and yet you still jump ship with a smile, seeing all of those, hurt/confused/angry/WTH do we do now, alabaster faces.  My God, it borders on ecstasy, with a feeling so light you nearly float out of the HR office, full of hope and awaiting bright futures.  Fuck em - Let them ride the inevitable death spiral of their own making to impact, w/o you on board. 

From my perspective, I see nothing but all gain ahead of you...  You have a husband who values you, a shit ton of $$$, are well educated and experienced, sound job market out there, an upcoming pension, and youth.  Good lord, you have hit the lottery, and may not see it.  I feel excited for you!

Thanks, I needed to read this this morning.  The weekend was pretty bad, it had me second guessing my decision.  Got hit with a surprise tax bill (DHs grandfather passed last year, we got the K1 Saturday), DHs dad had a freaking meltdown of epic proportions so I am having to arrange for transportation for him to go see the shrink this morning, he's becoming suicidal I think, and my mom got told she needs spinal surgery on Friday so she's a mess.  I haven't been able to talk to DH much, coms have been spotty.

I seriously am singing the praises of Lyft though, I was able to get DHs dad to the market this weekend, so small victory, and I was able to watch the app to make sure he 1. got in the car and 2. that they took him to the store.   All from literally across the country. 

One of my coworkers that I'm friends with just told me "change is happening", he and my boss apparently went to the chairman on Friday, said he wouldn't be surprised if the CEO and CFO didn't come in today.  He was like, I know you've made up your mind but know that there should be events on the horizon.

RedefinedHappiness

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #103 on: April 10, 2017, 08:15:18 AM »
You got enough you are dealing with...Change is coming isn't a reason to stay. Ask for a sabbatical to deal with your family. Check back in a month or two months and see if change actually happened. Make the decision then whether to come back or not.

And if this company can't afford for you to take time off, then they either are not creative enough or they haven't had enough foresight to solve their single point of failure problem. The latter is their problem (your manager included), not your problem.

Holyoak

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #104 on: April 10, 2017, 09:09:38 AM »
You're welcome MishMash, and I am so glad to hear of even a small victory...  It's nice when you are in a hole to have life hand you a ladder, instead of another shovel.  You have an incredibly full, not very appetizing plate, and I admire your courage, and effort.  Please try to take as good of care of yourself as you can.  I have been at points in my life, where I forgot to eat, and even to drink enough water...  Stress is so insidious, especially for the kind hearted, and even the strongest OX can be broken.  Please be careful.

I too have had the "surprise, here's your K-1"...  Glad, and fortunate like you to be able to cover its implications.  I'm also a former combat arms officer, and know how tough service is on families, especially your husbands type (HALO = special OP's).  I hope his chain of command is wired tight, and does as much as it can to support you both.  I'm willing to bet, they are.  Are there any people/programs on post that can help lighten any loads?

Lastly, put me in the camp of talk is cheap, concerning the "change is happening".  I'm sensing string-along, and there probably is something on their horizon...  An Event Horizon!  As RDH stated, if you wish, go on sabbatical - It will allow you to manage outside of work situations with a single focus, let you decompress as much as possible, and gain clarity for your sitution.  Plus the clock will be ticking to see if they actually walk-the-walk.  Seems a win-win to me.  Best of luck; everyone here is pulling for you!

Villanelle

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #105 on: April 11, 2017, 01:19:15 AM »
You're welcome MishMash, and I am so glad to hear of even a small victory...  It's nice when you are in a hole to have life hand you a ladder, instead of another shovel.  You have an incredibly full, not very appetizing plate, and I admire your courage, and effort.  Please try to take as good of care of yourself as you can.  I have been at points in my life, where I forgot to eat, and even to drink enough water...  Stress is so insidious, especially for the kind hearted, and even the strongest OX can be broken.  Please be careful.

I too have had the "surprise, here's your K-1"...  Glad, and fortunate like you to be able to cover its implications.  I'm also a former combat arms officer, and know how tough service is on families, especially your husbands type (HALO = special OP's).  I hope his chain of command is wired tight, and does as much as it can to support you both.  I'm willing to bet, they are.  Are there any people/programs on post that can help lighten any loads?

Lastly, put me in the camp of talk is cheap, concerning the "change is happening".  I'm sensing string-along, and there probably is something on their horizon...  An Event Horizon!  As RDH stated, if you wish, go on sabbatical - It will allow you to manage outside of work situations with a single focus, let you decompress as much as possible, and gain clarity for your sitution.  Plus the clock will be ticking to see if they actually walk-the-walk.  Seems a win-win to me.  Best of luck; everyone here is pulling for you!
I'm sorry you've got more parent stuff to deal with, MM.  It sounds overwhelming in and of itself, without job drama and stress.

This is pretty far off topic and you may already be aware, but if either parent (or both) rely on you for most of their financial support, you may be able to have them declared dependents and then added to your DH's page 2, also qualifying them for Tricare coverage.  And depending on the extent of their conditions, you *might* also then qualify for some free monthly respite care services.  I've only known people to get respite care for kids, not parents, but I believe the program treats all dependents the same.  That could potentially lighten your load a bit, and depending on what their health care situation is like right now, might help everyone's finances a bit.

I'm sorry you are dealing with all this.  The suggestion of a sabbatical is a good one if you aren't quite ready to walk.  However, if possible negotiate so that the sabbatical is counted toward your 90 day non-compete.  If they are desperate to keep you, it might work to say, "look, if theses changes are significant and meaningful, I will consider it, so I'll check back in a month, and it if it looks promising I will give it a try, but I make no promises.  But if we do that, I am going to need you to count that time toward the non-compete period, and I'll need that in writing.  Otherwise, I have to fully quit now so that clock starts on that.  Let me know if that works for you.  If not, I understand and in that case, my last day of work will be April 30."
« Last Edit: April 11, 2017, 02:21:10 AM by Villanelle »

Dicey

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #106 on: April 11, 2017, 01:41:44 AM »
Just a shout-out to all of the amazing, caring people who are taking the time to pass on such insightful advice. Free hugs for everyone! I love this place!
I did it! I have a journal!
A Lot Like This
And hell yes, I am still moving confidently in the direction of my dreams...

FrugalFisherman10

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #107 on: April 11, 2017, 03:07:50 PM »
Quote
Last Night
...if it does and you are able to separate the stress/anxiety from the job even better
This unfortunately doesn't seem to be the case...

agree with GU.

You need to stop taking this so personally and allowing it to affect your life.  This is a job, it's not your life.  I know that's a lot easier said than done, but you need to try for sure if you don't quit now.  Start looking for new jobs today! 

You care soooooooooooooooooo much about your work. It is astonishing.
In some ways, I wish I had that. It's motivating and intriguing to see someone just going nonstop, always 'on' their game, putting out fires, fixing things, making deals, inventing the iPhone or whatever.

At the same time though, I see people like that and they are always so hot and bothered about everything. Work impacts their mental-state so much and they are always trying to fix everything, letting things fall on their plate to be done, going on and on about how everyone else around them sucks at their jobs, and meanwhile somehow seeming energized by it.

Like it gives them meaning or something, to be saving the day.

sure, you do need to leave this job, as it seems to be just too much. But between now and the next job, we need to work on how you deal with work 'things': events, work 'fires', other peoples mistakes, human depravity, your own mistakes, lack of leadership, lack of direction.

This might hit super close to home, but I think you are coping. 

You may be running to this work stuff in an 'I can save the day/everything depends on me' mentality even more so than you otherwise would, because of your non-work stuff going on with the aging parents, military husband, taxes, etc.

You came here seeking a sounding board that was going to tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. You have gotten it. Unfortunately it's only half helpful. As supportive as everyone here is, and that is great, it is not entirely what you needed to hear. They are right - you need to quit. You are right - you need to quit. You're husband is right - you need to quit. You also need to learn how to not find so much of your satisfaction in your job I think.

Envision a different world where everything doesn't depend on you, you aren't holding everything together, and you are still quite content, happy, loved and valued in this world.

mistershankly

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #108 on: April 11, 2017, 03:28:21 PM »

You may be running to this work stuff in an 'I can save the day/everything depends on me' mentality even more so than you otherwise would, because of your non-work stuff going on with the aging parents, military husband, taxes, etc.


This is a great point to consider as the forces grinding away at your energy, compassion, and patience outside of the workplace are affecting your resiliency to the dysfunctions in the workplace.

Another thing to consider are the dynamics in your workplace that play into deep-rooted emotional triggers within you.  After many years of trying to figure out why my workplace had such an emotionally charged effect on me, I ran across the concept of codependency in the workplace.  The codependent traits of being a rescuer or overextending oneself for others may be influencing your perception of each situation.  I know that it certainly influenced mine and I was able to reduce the stress of others' behavior by becoming aware of how that was affecting me.  Here's some more info on it... http://uniquepathways.com/2016/04/13/codependency-in-the-workplace-how-to-spot-it-how-to-treat-it

In any case, perhaps a change in environment/job is enough to reset your energy, as you're no longer entrenched in the dysfunctionally familiar crap going on around you that you have little power to change.

dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #109 on: April 12, 2017, 10:53:50 AM »
"change is happening" is the final nail in the coffin in my opinion.  If you accept the deal to stay, the deal will be moot if there is a change in leadership.  There is too much chaos and juvenile behavior to put up with it.  You have a great stash and a supportive husband.  If I were you I'd definitely leave.

Stress related diseases are no joke.  I'm in a stressful industry and I see people come down with cancer often and wonder if it's related.  Life is just too short. I understand what you are dealing with with your parents.  I was the executor for my mother's estate.  She died at 67 after struggling with cancer for a year.  She worked until she died.  This is the reason I am pursuing early retirement - I don't want to end up like my mother.  I want to get out of industry and into something that I create on my own.  To be a producer instead of a consumer.  I hope you find what you are looking for.

Stress related diseases are real, definitely.  A coworker friend of mine almost bled out on the operating room table from ulcers the day he finished a huge very stressful project.  The doctor said he'd never seen anyone with three ulcers. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #110 on: April 13, 2017, 07:30:56 AM »
"change is happening" is the final nail in the coffin in my opinion.  If you accept the deal to stay, the deal will be moot if there is a change in leadership.  There is too much chaos and juvenile behavior to put up with it.  You have a great stash and a supportive husband.  If I were you I'd definitely leave.

Stress related diseases are no joke.  I'm in a stressful industry and I see people come down with cancer often and wonder if it's related.  Life is just too short. I understand what you are dealing with with your parents.  I was the executor for my mother's estate.  She died at 67 after struggling with cancer for a year.  She worked until she died.  This is the reason I am pursuing early retirement - I don't want to end up like my mother.  I want to get out of industry and into something that I create on my own.  To be a producer instead of a consumer.  I hope you find what you are looking for.

Stress related diseases are real, definitely.  A coworker friend of mine almost bled out on the operating room table from ulcers the day he finished a huge very stressful project.  The doctor said he'd never seen anyone with three ulcers.

Oooooh how appropriate.  So guess who landed herself in the ER on Tuesday with one, yup, that would be me. 

CEO is now trying to convince me to stay, offered up working from home full time as an option.  That would eliminate my hour each way commute (we bought the house here before they set up the office). 

To Frugal.  With the parents yes, it is on me to "fix things" why?  Because there is no one else.  It's either, let them wallow and die, or try to help.  It's just Dh and I, there is no one else to help.
 
Also, it's literally my job to fix things at work, that's what I get paid to do. I bridge the gap between development and our customers, amongst other things.   It's a very small company, around 25 people, no HR department, it's kind of like the wild west over the years. My boss and I are the only females.  People just do what they "think" is best and it hasn't worked out so well.  In some cases they do what they "think" is best even though I'm telling them our customers are asking for X, so they build Y, then want me to pitch that Y is actually better than X, even when they are totally not even near related to each other.  I've LITERALLY been told before that "what do you know, you're just a chick".  It's infuriating to have to fight with your own people to do the job you were hired to do.

I don't think my job is hard, or even vital, I think a well trained monkey could do my job.  The reason they are having a heart attack I think is two fold. 1.  No one else wants to do my job, they all pretty much hate dealing with other people and 2.  I'm the only one in the new office with the new management.  I think they fear if I leave, it sends a message to the other office (the one with the asshole sales folks in it), that faith has been lost in the new management strategy and since there is no moral left in the company then it could start an exodus, and we are cut so thin that there is no one to pick up the slack anymore.  Everyone is tapped out.

And yes, I do care WAY to much about this place, I was employee number 5, it's a mixture of fear of personal failure to not see it through to the end, and Stockholm syndrome. DH made me watch something called who moved my cheese, it was very fitting. 

golden1

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #111 on: April 13, 2017, 07:50:13 AM »
Ah, I think I get it now. 

Your value as a human being is not just in what you do for others.  You don't need to destroy yourself for anyone, not your parents, not your children and certainly not a job. 

You have inherent value just as you are.  It is okay to prioritize your health and wellbeing.  Putting it another way, how are you going to be of help to people if you end up sick all the time? 

I urge you to let go of this. I know it is nice to be needed, but not at the sake of your health and sanity. 




KBecks

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #112 on: April 13, 2017, 08:01:49 AM »
What does "see it through to the end" mean, anyway?

Sounds like you should leave.  No job should put you in the ER.  You can go elsewhere.   You are working for people you don't like anyway.


StarBright

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #113 on: April 13, 2017, 08:18:24 AM »
MishMash - thank you for the additional info on your job, life and health.

As someone in a very similar situation to you (person 5 in a 30 person tech company who cares too much about her job and also has the ulcers to show for it) that also does a similar job to you and does it from home. I just want to say PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WORK FROM HOME BAIT!!!

Your job sounds similar to mine and working from home is really tough when your job is juggling and making sure things don't fall through the cracks. Also, when you are out of the office, I find that you end up at the mercy of other's "extra time" - not helpful if your management are already jerks.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a person who cares, sometimes it is just who you are. But this isn't good for you and you have a financial situation that allows you to walk away. Please walk away and take care of yourself.

Also - these posts about ulcers have inspired me to take my first "mental health" day (something I've traditionally been uncomfortable with) - so thanks guys :)

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #114 on: April 13, 2017, 08:46:54 AM »
What does "see it through to the end" mean, anyway?

Sounds like you should leave.  No job should put you in the ER.  You can go elsewhere.   You are working for people you don't like anyway.

The end is either we sell, in which case dollar bills all around due to options.  The more likely scenario is we go under. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #115 on: April 13, 2017, 08:54:11 AM »
MishMash - thank you for the additional info on your job, life and health.

As someone in a very similar situation to you (person 5 in a 30 person tech company who cares too much about her job and also has the ulcers to show for it) that also does a similar job to you and does it from home. I just want to say PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WORK FROM HOME BAIT!!!

Your job sounds similar to mine and working from home is really tough when your job is juggling and making sure things don't fall through the cracks. Also, when you are out of the office, I find that you end up at the mercy of other's "extra time" - not helpful if your management are already jerks.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a person who cares, sometimes it is just who you are. But this isn't good for you and you have a financial situation that allows you to walk away. Please walk away and take care of yourself.

Also - these posts about ulcers have inspired me to take my first "mental health" day (something I've traditionally been uncomfortable with) - so thanks guys :)

Oh, I worked from home exclusively for 3 years.  Homie don't play that game anymore...it was a damn nightmare.  It sounded like a dream, like hey I can go anywhere and do anything while earning a paycheck!  No..fuck no...it turned into me being chained to my laptop in my house 95% of the time, nights, weekends etc and people would freak out like I wasn't working if I didn't instantaneously answer an email.  Hell. the. fuck. no. The couple of days a week I work remotely now are just fine.  Frankly I think they are just trying to find a reason to sublet our office space that's costing them a fortune, I see right through that crap.

mm1970

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #116 on: April 13, 2017, 03:20:57 PM »
What does "see it through to the end" mean, anyway?

Sounds like you should leave.  No job should put you in the ER.  You can go elsewhere.   You are working for people you don't like anyway.

The end is either we sell, in which case dollar bills all around due to options.  The more likely scenario is we go under.
Boy can I relate.

Signed, #21.  Currently 100 people.

CheapskateWife

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #117 on: April 13, 2017, 03:27:51 PM »
Hi Mishmash!  I can't believe I missed this thread until today, but I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and proud of you standing your ground.  And DH supportive to boot? You are making good decisions, that will hopefully keep you out of the damn hospital and back to a healthier happier version of you.  Looking forward to hearing about your last week at work, as it is sure to be epic :)


hoping2retire35

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #118 on: April 14, 2017, 07:22:59 AM »
Awesome thread; following.


I will vote a little different than others, STAY.

They have given you a huge raise, lots of changes appear to be on the way, do you loose anything by staying another 30-60 days?

It could improve as you acquire a ton of money or bigger paycheck same pain in the neck. You can still stay or go later.

Of course, keep things professional. They know you have some positive criticism, keep giving them your honest, professional opinion.

StarBright

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #119 on: April 14, 2017, 07:50:13 AM »

Oh, I worked from home exclusively for 3 years.  Homie don't play that game anymore...it was a damn nightmare.  It sounded like a dream, like hey I can go anywhere and do anything while earning a paycheck!  No..fuck no...it turned into me being chained to my laptop in my house 95% of the time, nights, weekends etc and people would freak out like I wasn't working if I didn't instantaneously answer an email.  Hell. the. fuck. no. The couple of days a week I work remotely now are just fine.  Frankly I think they are just trying to find a reason to sublet our office space that's costing them a fortune, I see right through that crap.

YYAAAASSSS to the bolded! That is exactly it. You sound like your head is in a pretty darn good place for everything that you are dealing with. You sound pretty kick-ass and I like you even more for "Homie don't play that" :)

KBecks

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #120 on: April 14, 2017, 07:56:55 AM »
If you stay, take some long lunches, go for walks, and leave early once in a while, or at least, always on time.   Listen to your body. 

hoping2retire35

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #121 on: April 14, 2017, 07:59:41 AM »
/\ sorry forgot to add;

You have FU money, just act like it. No need to sulk around the office. You are a badass who can walk away any time you please, they know that (at least to a degree) now. Things, for you personally, there should change now.

shadesofgreen

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #122 on: April 14, 2017, 11:04:47 AM »
"change is happening" is the final nail in the coffin in my opinion.  If you accept the deal to stay, the deal will be moot if there is a change in leadership.  There is too much chaos and juvenile behavior to put up with it.  You have a great stash and a supportive husband.  If I were you I'd definitely leave.

Stress related diseases are no joke.  I'm in a stressful industry and I see people come down with cancer often and wonder if it's related.  Life is just too short. I understand what you are dealing with with your parents.  I was the executor for my mother's estate.  She died at 67 after struggling with cancer for a year.  She worked until she died.  This is the reason I am pursuing early retirement - I don't want to end up like my mother.  I want to get out of industry and into something that I create on my own.  To be a producer instead of a consumer.  I hope you find what you are looking for.

Stress related diseases are real, definitely.  A coworker friend of mine almost bled out on the operating room table from ulcers the day he finished a huge very stressful project.  The doctor said he'd never seen anyone with three ulcers.

Oooooh how appropriate.  So guess who landed herself in the ER on Tuesday with one, yup, that would be me. 


And yes, I do care WAY to much about this place, I was employee number 5, it's a mixture of fear of personal failure to not see it through to the end, and Stockholm syndrome. DH made me watch something called who moved my cheese, it was very fitting.

I believe this is another "wake the f up call" from your body. You can't be everything to everyone.
Let's be honest here -- what is more important?
 1) Being able to help your family and actually HAVE a family of your own.
 2) Get sucked more into work and having them stand in for the fulfillment factor in your life.
 3) Getting a weird sense of accomplishment for having to deal with everything.

I am sure there are a few other things that could be rearranged on the list but ouch.

GreenSheep

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #123 on: April 14, 2017, 03:20:55 PM »
This makes me think of the book "Bodywise," which gets a little woowoo at times (and I disagree with some of the advice given, although some of it is very helpful), but like many of the examples in the book, your body has been screaming at you to quit your job. Two miscarriages and a visit to the ER for ulcers? What's next, a heart attack? I certainly hope not. I assume that you have maintained your fertility despite those losses and that you will recover from your ulcer, but I worry that you might end up with something from which you cannot recover. No job is worth that. No job is worth any ONE of the things you've already been through.

I suspect that if you do quit, or once you are finally rid of this job in one way or another, you will look back on it and wonder what you were thinking all that time. Sometimes, even if you know something is bad, it's hard to realize exactly how mindblowingly horrific it is when you're still inside it. No amount of money or vacation time is enough to make up for what this job has already done to you.

https://www.amazon.com/BodyWise-Discovering-Intelligence-Lifelong-Healing-ebook/dp/B01G96MM8Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492204365&sr=8-1&keywords=bodywise

Cassie

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #124 on: April 14, 2017, 03:58:18 PM »
Sending you lots of hugs:))  You are stretched way too thin and your body is telling you it is time for a break. Mental health really effects physical health and i found this out the hard way about 20 years ago. No job or amount of $ is worth this stress.  At one time my neck was literally strangling my arms. My muscles were way too tight all the time from stress.   After running tests the neurologist said there is nothing physically wrong with you so you better figure out what is wrong in your life. I knew because it was a bad job and a bad marriage. I left both and was fine.

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #125 on: April 14, 2017, 08:33:12 PM »
Think about it this way, how much is an ulcer worth to you?  Leave.  I know it feels great to be the One That Everyone Depends on, but there are actual people who love you who need you too, and best of all, they'll love you back.  Close your eyes and imagine a world where you have all day to deal with your family issues.  A world where you can sleep in until 9 and then have a nap in the afternoon.  Imagine how much more energy you'll have to support your family when you're well rested and less ulcerated mentally and physically.

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #126 on: April 14, 2017, 09:32:20 PM »
I once had a panic attack over a very bad job/situation. Several months later I was actually fired from that job, it was the best thing that happened in my career, totally involuntary and unjust. But in reality they did me a favor. I was happier being unemployed for a month (until I found a sane job) than going to work, but until I was fired I just couldn't see it. Sort of like the frog that won't get out of the pot if you turn the temperature up slowly.

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #127 on: April 15, 2017, 06:08:16 AM »
It sounds like you are ready for it, but need to just get over the mental/emotional hurdle and do it.

What you've described you've dealt with thus far sounds awful.  Even if you had to tighten a belt or feel 'poorer' for awhile, would it still not be better then the never-ending dread you currently face?

I empathize as we are chasing pension too and I also fear resentment will build if one of us forced to stick it out to get it while the other gets to 'coast'.

As a compromise, I think we are both fine as long as we are both making an 'effort'.  If that effort means one quits and takes an 'easy' and low paying job, thats still plenty fine.

It comes down to your personal dynamic.  Good luck and find a far better environment for yourself!


To TheAnonOne;
As far as having enough now, a pension might also bring early health bennies and can reduce overall risk to virtually zero.  Its not something to lightly throw away.  Marriages can also breed resentment if one person has to slug along for years because they are the pension 'winner'.  That persons feelings need to be considered.

And that's just it, I don't want the resentment to build up since he's the one that will be bringing in the health benefits and inflation adjusted pension. DH wants his toys, I can't blame him, he's earned them, however the cost of those is not currently in the savings since we plan on living in a HCOL area.  I want to be able to provide that for him. 

On the other side, my boss still isn't in the office....and neither is ANY of senior management.  Apparently it's opening day of baseball...because that's more important on the first day after the end of another failed quarter then it would be to come in and rip your failed sales team a new one.

If you're thinking about FIREing soon, and your job is easy but stresses you out... you could just do a shitty job at work and instead focus on improving yourself mentally.  Maybe the risk of getting fired are not so high, and consequences not so high either.

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #128 on: April 18, 2017, 05:12:23 PM »
I think they are trying to wait me out, I said the 30th as the last day, they want to "meet again" to discuss the options tomorrow. 

On the flip side, the deployment curse is in full effect.  Aside from the many thousand dollar tax bill I just paid, in the past week the washing machine has died, the lawnmower died, got a notice from the HOA that the house needs to be power washed or face a fine (the side is a wee bit green, front and back are fine since they are in the sun I do not have the intestinal fortitude to climb ladder and power wash the top so I need to hire someone), and the dog has chipped a tooth and needs it extracted.  So I guess from a funding the unexpected bills side, at least I still have  paycheck to absorb it for now.

Frankies Girl

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #129 on: April 18, 2017, 06:48:13 PM »
I think they are trying to wait me out, I said the 30th as the last day, they want to "meet again" to discuss the options tomorrow. 

On the flip side, the deployment curse is in full effect.  Aside from the many thousand dollar tax bill I just paid, in the past week the washing machine has died, the lawnmower died, got a notice from the HOA that the house needs to be power washed or face a fine (the side is a wee bit green, front and back are fine since they are in the sun I do not have the intestinal fortitude to climb ladder and power wash the top so I need to hire someone), and the dog has chipped a tooth and needs it extracted.  So I guess from a funding the unexpected bills side, at least I still have  paycheck to absorb it for now.

I am so sorry about your unexpected run of bad luck. I wanted to suggest checking out your neighborhood on Nextdoor as I see power washers for hire all the time, and you can ask for a local recommendation for fixing your mower and washer too. I really like it for that (and the crime/neighborhood alerts) but there's also lots of drama and squabbles on my local one (so like Facebook but your it's your neighbors and a bit more handy since you can get local information).

And I do think it would be kind of awesome if they did decide to wait until the 30th to bother to discuss changes... and you called out sick that day and just didn't return at all. Is that wrong? :D
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Dicey

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #130 on: April 19, 2017, 04:56:27 AM »
I like the way you think, FG!
I did it! I have a journal!
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MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #131 on: April 20, 2017, 01:08:54 PM »
I think they are trying to wait me out, I said the 30th as the last day, they want to "meet again" to discuss the options tomorrow. 

On the flip side, the deployment curse is in full effect.  Aside from the many thousand dollar tax bill I just paid, in the past week the washing machine has died, the lawnmower died, got a notice from the HOA that the house needs to be power washed or face a fine (the side is a wee bit green, front and back are fine since they are in the sun I do not have the intestinal fortitude to climb ladder and power wash the top so I need to hire someone), and the dog has chipped a tooth and needs it extracted.  So I guess from a funding the unexpected bills side, at least I still have  paycheck to absorb it for now.

Man I hate HOAs.  There is something in your agreement that states you must keep your house walls free of "green" things?  That's ridiculous.  Does it not rain where you are?

Yea something about maintaining the outward appearance.  Our HOA usually isn't bad, but we just got new "cluster representation" and I think one of the women is on a power trip.  It rains, problem is that side is all shade so the siding gets moldy, I did find someone to do it for 100 bucks, guy came this morning and did a really nice job.  Trying to work myself up to ripping out the two dead 8 foot bushes in the front of the house and finding something to replace them with, then onto sodding the damn lawn because DH scalped it last year and it didn't stand a chance against the neighbors weed fest, it took me 30 minutes to power through the foot tall weeds this morning with the new electric mower.  Couldn't fix the old one, apparently DH left it outside a good chunk of last summer, the entire thing turned to solid rust over the winter. 

Thought about hiring someone but the local companies want 300 bucks JUST to remove the shrubs.  And that is freaking insane to me. 




MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #132 on: April 29, 2017, 03:01:15 PM »
So it is official, the 12th is my last day (yay?)  I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment. 

GreenSheep

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #133 on: April 29, 2017, 03:15:09 PM »
Yay!! I think you'll be very happy with your decision once it's all behind you!

big_slacker

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #134 on: April 29, 2017, 04:04:01 PM »
So it is official, the 12th is my last day (yay?)  I am having a mild stroke about not having an income to call my own for the first time in 20 years.  Wondering if I made the right call or if I should have just stuck with it.  I have ZERO idea what I want to do in life as of this moment.

You'll have time and energy to figure it out now. :D

Congrats BTW! I was hoping this wouldn't be one of those things where it was just a rant and then no action behind it.

Laura33

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #135 on: April 30, 2017, 08:02:54 AM »
Congrats!  So proud of you for pulling the trigger!!
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

mwulff

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #136 on: April 30, 2017, 10:50:54 AM »
Congratulations. I would suggest that you now take a month to decompress and just think things over. It's time well spent.

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #137 on: April 30, 2017, 01:02:25 PM »
Congratulations. I would suggest that you now take a month to decompress and just think things over. It's time well spent.

My guess is that it's going to take a lot more than 1 month.  Most of the blogs and articles I've read seem to suggest that it takes about 6 months to recover, and I based on this thread I think MishMash might have more to recover from than most. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #138 on: May 02, 2017, 07:36:51 AM »
I've been having a stroke daily since last Friday when I set my final day for sure.  I came in today, got reamed for not being available to do a meeting this Friday by a member of shitty sales team (I'll be in Omaha) and was like, yup, this is why I am quitting....then overheard news that they may be cutting the company to 8 people (essentially over 50% of the people here) over the summer (waiting on a couple of big renewal deals to come in before they do it).  I would not have been one of the ones cut was what I was told, and yea...reaffirmation of "there is no way in freaking hell I would want that work load" 

Now, a moral dilemma I am having.  One of the people probably being cut is actually someone I really like personally, they are in the other office but he is someone that has stuck up for me in the worst of times, meaning he was the only one that ever stood up to shitty sales team when they were sexually harassing and groping me, and he's got two kids, one of which is brand new as of last week.  In my eyes, he is the only real man in this company.  Do I warn him of this possibility or no?  History would say if I did it would get around to that entire office, and there is a risk of shitty sales team sabotaging said deals out of straight up vengeance if they found out.  I'm leaning towards yes just out of loyalty even if it does mean the potential tanking of pretty much the entire companies revenue stream. 

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #139 on: May 02, 2017, 07:42:52 AM »
And PS...can I just say THANK YOU!!! to everyone that has chimed in on this thread, you may not think so, but some of your words have literally changed my life, and changed the way I have been looking at things.  When you are in a hole, random outside perspective is actually a good thing I think.

Vindicated

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #140 on: May 02, 2017, 07:47:30 AM »
I think you should definitely tell the guy you care about.  Ask him to keep it quiet as to not cause issues, but he should be prepared.  Perhaps he can line something else up before he loses his current role.
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MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #141 on: May 02, 2017, 07:52:35 AM »
I think you should definitely tell the guy you care about.  Ask him to keep it quiet as to not cause issues, but he should be prepared.  Perhaps he can line something else up before he loses his current role.

That's what I was leaning towards, he's historically not been good with keeping things quiet though.  And if that doesn't happen, I don't want to unnecessarily panic him too

mwulff

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #142 on: May 02, 2017, 09:41:40 AM »
I think you should definitely tell the guy you care about.  Ask him to keep it quiet as to not cause issues, but he should be prepared.  Perhaps he can line something else up before he loses his current role.

That's what I was leaning towards, he's historically not been good with keeping things quiet though.  And if that doesn't happen, I don't want to unnecessarily panic him too

I'm thinking maybe you could wait until the very last moment. Simply tell him on the way out of the door. So when you leave on the 12th you grab him by the shoulders and say "you need to get a new job now, don't ask me how I know. Just do it.".

Of course do it privately. :)

The best of luck to you, and please keep us all updated on your life. I'm happy we could help.

dougules

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #143 on: May 02, 2017, 10:31:02 AM »
I've been having a stroke daily since last Friday when I set my final day for sure.  I came in today, got reamed for not being available to do a meeting this Friday by a member of shitty sales team (I'll be in Omaha) and was like, yup, this is why I am quitting....then overheard news that they may be cutting the company to 8 people (essentially over 50% of the people here) over the summer (waiting on a couple of big renewal deals to come in before they do it).  I would not have been one of the ones cut was what I was told, and yea...reaffirmation of "there is no way in freaking hell I would want that work load" 

Now, a moral dilemma I am having.  One of the people probably being cut is actually someone I really like personally, they are in the other office but he is someone that has stuck up for me in the worst of times, meaning he was the only one that ever stood up to shitty sales team when they were sexually harassing and groping me, and he's got two kids, one of which is brand new as of last week.  In my eyes, he is the only real man in this company.  Do I warn him of this possibility or no?  History would say if I did it would get around to that entire office, and there is a risk of shitty sales team sabotaging said deals out of straight up vengeance if they found out.  I'm leaning towards yes just out of loyalty even if it does mean the potential tanking of pretty much the entire companies revenue stream.

Honestly it sounds like the company is going to crash sooner or later, am I wrong?  If the sales team kneecaps the company, would it really change the trajectory much or hurt anybody else you care for?  If not, I'd give him an anonymous heads-up. 

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #144 on: May 02, 2017, 01:33:36 PM »
This is a pretty awesome thread, exciting and inspiring in many ways. MM, I hope everything turns around for you mentally and health wise.

Best of luck!
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qval

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #145 on: May 02, 2017, 02:22:31 PM »
I think you should definitely tell the guy you care about.  Ask him to keep it quiet as to not cause issues, but he should be prepared.  Perhaps he can line something else up before he loses his current role.

That's what I was leaning towards, he's historically not been good with keeping things quiet though.  And if that doesn't happen, I don't want to unnecessarily panic him too

I'm thinking maybe you could wait until the very last moment. Simply tell him on the way out of the door. So when you leave on the 12th you grab him by the shoulders and say "you need to get a new job now, don't ask me how I know. Just do it.".

Of course do it privately. :)

The best of luck to you, and please keep us all updated on your life. I'm happy we could help.

You don't know anything about laying off half the company for certain, but you should invite him to dinner at your house and tell him your fears. It'll give him a small heads up, and even if nothing else comes of it, he'll have a current resume, etc.

What's the worst that could happen to you if he blabs? you get fired before 10 days from now?!

MishMash

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #146 on: May 09, 2017, 07:36:13 AM »
I was out Thursday/Friday (at the Berkshire meeting), came in yesterday and NOTHING got done...not for my bosses lack of trying, just no one wanted to step up and actually take ownership.  I talked to her and was like, they all know my last day is Friday right?  She was like yup, and come Friday I am NOT taking ownership of this, I told CEO that he has to make shitty sales team take it.  I was like wow, so they already know all this and STILL didn't do anything?  She was like "yup, I have a feeling I may be joining you in unemployment in a couple of months"  As my blood pressure rose, it was quite freeing to repeat to myself, not my circus, not my monkeys come Friday. 

I've been trying to find some new hiking areas in the DMV to try out and scope out for edible mushrooms (side hobby, love me some chanterelles) whilst unemployed.

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #147 on: May 09, 2017, 08:56:44 AM »
I had a huge reply typed up, because I'm amazed at what we humans put ourselves through in toxic work environments, and the things we convince ourselves of to 'make it work', but I didn't want to center your thread on myself/my bad experiences.  In summary, I just wanted to express a huge GOOD FOR YOU!  Woohoo!!  What a journey to get here, but I think you are going to be better off, so much happier and free to pursue what makes you happy.  Best of luck in your future endeavors, MishMash!!

Gimesalot

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #148 on: May 09, 2017, 03:24:25 PM »
Congratulations MishMash!  I've been following your story and it is such a relief that an end is in sight.

thriftycanadian

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Re: I think today may be the day I quit
« Reply #149 on: May 09, 2017, 09:51:08 PM »
Good job quitting, I have quit two jobs in my life (one over 6 figures) without another to go to because I was not happy.  It's always worked out better and will for you too.