I think I'm jealous

[BTDretire]

 I see that a friend from 40 years ago, has a Dodge Ram Dually truck.
 I also see he recently bought a Corvette.
 He also just bought a 32" travel trailer.
I haven't seen or talked to him for 40 years just recently looked him up on Facebook.
 Oooh! Facebook, never mind.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

1.) Facebook sucks

2.) No matter what you do/achieve/steal, there will always be someone with more money/stuff/prestige/power than you.

3.) I wouldn't trade my indestructible 28 year-old Volvo brick for all of those crap vehicles combined (ESPECIALLY the Corvette or anything GM!)

My thoughts. Have a nice day.

[Just Joe]

He has nice pictures, you don't know if he is in major debt or doing okay...

Going to reach out and say hi?

I don't do Facebook. Too many ways for it all to go badly.

[MrDelane]

I see that a friend from 40 years ago, has a Dodge Ram Dually truck.
 I also see he recently bought a Corvette.
 He also just bought a 32" travel trailer.
I haven't seen or talked to him for 40 years just recently looked him up on Facebook.
 Oooh! Facebook, never mind.

It's always good to remember that social media puts us in the position to compare our 'behind the scenes' to everyone else's 'greatest hits.'

We only see what others want us to see... while we know all the details of struggle and compromise in our own lives.

It's not apples to apples.
Regardless, the only person we should aim to compare ourselves to is our past self.

[Bloop Bloop]

He may have gone into debt to buy the nice car. Or his finances could be totally well organised and he simply makes much more money than most people. Either way, it's out of your control.

Run your own race - but all the same, if a friend is genuinely successful (financially or otherwise), I always try to understand what makes him/her tick and maybe learn something from that, rather than feeling jealousy/envy.

If you practise gratitude, you will get better at not feeling those pangs of jealousy, and be happier with what you have.

[L8_apex]

Just make the choice to be happy for him. 

[six-car-habit]

 Maybe you will see pictures of him in the near future  - from various different states in nice campgrounds - with his Dually Ram pulling his 32 ft trailer....
  Perhaps thats what he wants to do in the 2nd half of his life ?

 The Corvette ?   Possibly he had an itch for a collector car.  Hard to say, as a model year wasn't stated. Could be a 1970's or an earlier version in which case he should get the majority of his money back when he decides to sell.

 Hopefully he is Not like my former co-worker who bought a ~ 25 foot tow behind camper, new , and still has Never used it 4+ years later [ and is still making payments ]  { although I suppose that saves him from mowing an additional 200 sq feet of lawn, hahaha }

[MrThatsDifferent]

Just make the choice to be happy for him.

+1000

And/or make the choice to have whatever you want that will bring you happiness without having to feel jealous of others.

[h82goslw]

Comparison is the thief of joy

[Metalcat]

What's there to be jealous of??

You have the exact same capacity to buy the exact same wheeled items, you've just decided that they aren't worth the money/time/energy trade off necessary to purchase and maintain them.

He doesn't have anything you don't have, he just has it in a different form, in a depreciating form.

[Adam Zapple]

My coworker just bought a nice new Dodge pickup.  $600/month payments.  I am not jealous. 

[MrDelane]

He doesn't have anything you don't have, he just has it in a different form, in a depreciating form.

This is a brilliant way to frame it.
I will need to remember that for myself in the future.

[BTDretire]

Hi all,
 My post was a bit, maybe a lot facetious.
I'll respond to most on order.

 Face book is a nice place to catch up but, yes, it sucks because most everyone is only showing their best face.

Yes, he does post nice pictures of his stuff. True, I could by it all and still be FI. I did reach out and say hi, exchanged a few pictures of us dirt biking and a trip to Smokey Mountain State Park that are about 44 years old. I had to take a picture of the pictures to post them :-)

To put it slightly different the 'greatest hits seen on Facebook may be totally different than ''behind the scenes'.

Yes, knowing his job and some of the other stuff money is flowing out to, I suspect things are being bought with debt.

It looked like middle to late 90s Corvette, the 32ft trailer was taken to a park and set up permanently, replacing one that he had there for many years. So I think at least it gets used.

 Yes, I am happy for him, I saw some talk about him retiring, but I think he will have a major side gig, he is a diesel mechanic and works on real big boy toys. He will always be in demand, from what I read he is good at what he does. He started in that back when we were hanging out together.

 Yes, my assets are in growing American and world wide companies, not so much in depreciating stuff.

 Again, no one needs to console me, I have plenty, can buy most anything I want, I just don't want for much.
 I was being tongue in cheek, knowing full well Facebook would bring out responses.
I did recently splurge on a new 4k Firestick, on sale of course. :-)
 I wanted to see if, it being faster, it would not buffer as much, it looks better, but I have only had it installed a day and 1/2.

[honeybbq]

I doubt you'd be jealous of his bills he has to pay at the end of the month!!





But yeah. I get it. Facebook makes us all green eyed monsters.

[Metalcat]

I doubt you'd be jealous of his bills he has to pay at the end of the month!!





But yeah. I get it. Facebook makes us all green eyed monsters.

My facebook is mostly just filled with pictures of people's kids and normal vacation photos here and there.

[Cool Friend]

Owning stuff is so exhausting

[Bloop Bloop]

What's there to be jealous of??

You have the exact same capacity to buy the exact same wheeled items, you've just decided that they aren't worth the money/time/energy trade off necessary to purchase and maintain them.

He doesn't have anything you don't have, he just has it in a different form, in a depreciating form.

To be fair, the OP doesn't know this. It may be that his friend earns twice as much and can buy a depreciating asset with impunity. Maybe his friend has something that the OP genuinely wants, but can't yet have.

I think, instead of assuming that others with nice things are living close to debt, etc, it is simpler to just be happy for others and to share in their success and use that as a springboard for positive discussions.

[Metalcat]

What's there to be jealous of??

You have the exact same capacity to buy the exact same wheeled items, you've just decided that they aren't worth the money/time/energy trade off necessary to purchase and maintain them.

He doesn't have anything you don't have, he just has it in a different form, in a depreciating form.

To be fair, the OP doesn't know this. It may be that his friend earns twice as much and can buy a depreciating asset with impunity. Maybe his friend has something that the OP genuinely wants, but can't yet have.

I think, instead of assuming that others with nice things are living close to debt, etc, it is simpler to just be happy for others and to share in their success and use that as a springboard for positive discussions.

I never said that he made the same amount. I said that he had the same capacity to make the same decision to prioritize spending on these same items.

It doesn't matter what Facebook guy makes, he still has $X fewer dollars than if he hadn't bought these wheeled items.

It's all about priorities and trade offs. The people who I know who spend more than me also make a lot more money than I do because they work infinitely more hours and under infinitely more pressure than I do. Still trade offs. I have the same capacity to make more and spend more, I choose not to.

Same capacity, different priorities.

[Bloop Bloop]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everyone has the same capacity. Yes, there are priorities and trade offs, but just as you wouldn't expect everyone (regardless of trade offs) to FIRE at x age, so you can't equalise priorities and trade offs in a neat equation.

Someone might work 2x as hard but earn 5x as money - another person might work 3x as hard but only earn 0.8x the money. There are a lot of factors at play, and I think it's a little too neat to suggest that spending, income and 'work stress' are all aligned, even if broadly speaking they are correlated.

I think it's also cutesy to suggest that person A has the same capacity to choose to make more and/or spend more as person B. It may be that person B has opportunities or choices that are simply not open to person A. Maybe the friend was given the Corvette as a gift, or bought it at a huge discount due to an inside tip. That's probably not the case with the OP, but it could be the case for another Facebook poster.

Which is why I think it's more sincere, and also easier, to try not to 'compare' hypotheticals but rather to be happy for everyone's happiness, regardless of how it came to be. I think otherwise there is an element of snark involved, and I try not to be snarky with friends.

[Metalcat]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everyone has the same capacity. Yes, there are priorities and trade offs, but just as you wouldn't expect everyone (regardless of trade offs) to FIRE at x age, so you can't equalise priorities and trade offs in a neat equation.

Someone might work 2x as hard but earn 5x as money - another person might work 3x as hard but only earn 0.8x the money. There are a lot of factors at play, and I think it's a little too neat to suggest that spending, income and 'work stress' are all aligned, even if broadly speaking they are correlated.

I think it's also cutesy to suggest that person A has the same capacity to make more and spend more as person B. It may be that person B has more capacity to work efficiently than person A.

Which is why I think it's more sincere, and also easier, to try not to 'compare' hypotheticals but rather to be happy for everyone's success. I think otherwise there is an element of snark involved, and I try not to be snarky with friends.

I'm not trying to be snarky at all, and I have no idea where you got that from my posts in particular. Although, maybe you're lumping your reply to me in with other posters who commented on the likely debt of the wheeled-items buyer.

No, not everyone has the same capacity, obviously, but we're not talking about buying a castle in France, we're talking about a truck, a trailer, and an old Corvette.

These are purchases well within the earning capacity of nearly every single poster I've ever seen on this forum, so I figured it was a safe bet to assume that they were also within the OP's capacity as well.

Everyone is entitled to their priorities and trade offs, and my point is that there's no reason to ever be jealous because every decision comes with a trade off, so if someone has something different, then they've also traded something for it.

That's it. Zero snark.

One can be happy for someone else's trade offs while still recognizing that that trade off isn't worth it for them.
And a lot of people need to learn how to feel good about their own decisions before they can be happy for others.

[honeybbq]

I doubt you'd be jealous of his bills he has to pay at the end of the month!!





But yeah. I get it. Facebook makes us all green eyed monsters.

My facebook is mostly just filled with pictures of people's kids and normal vacation photos here and there.

I'm a green eyed monster when people are on vacation and I'm not. :D

[Metalcat]

I doubt you'd be jealous of his bills he has to pay at the end of the month!!





But yeah. I get it. Facebook makes us all green eyed monsters.

My facebook is mostly just filled with pictures of people's kids and normal vacation photos here and there.

I'm a green eyed monster when people are on vacation and I'm not. :D

Sounds like you need a vacation ;)

[willieaames]

One advice: Dont go to facebook :)

[MrDelane]

No, not everyone has the same capacity, obviously, but we're not talking about buying a castle in France, we're talking about a truck, a trailer, and an old Corvette.

Well this is an odd coincidence. I was originally going to reply to this thread by mentioning a childhood friend of mine who has become insanely wealthy in the past few years, and how I've processed that.

His most recent purchase was literally a castle in France.

[Metalcat]

No, not everyone has the same capacity, obviously, but we're not talking about buying a castle in France, we're talking about a truck, a trailer, and an old Corvette.

Well this is an odd coincidence. I was originally going to reply to this thread by mentioning a childhood friend of mine who has become insanely wealthy in the past few years, and how I've processed that.

His most recent purchase was literally a castle in France.

But does he have a truck, a trailer and an old corvette????

[calimom]

Does the Corvette have the most obnoxious bumper sticker ever created?: "He Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins"

[Duke03]

This is why I refuse to do any type of social media and always tell my wife so what when she tries to show me someone bragging on there...  It's not like someone is ever going to post a bad picture of themselves or tell how shitty their life really is.  Social media is just an outlet for self conscious people to brag about their shitty life thru filters that make it look fabulous.  No thank you.....

[Davnasty]

Maybe he photo shopped himself into a picture with the new vehicles...

https://www.fakeavacation.com/vacation-package/

[Metalcat]

Maybe he photo shopped himself into a picture with the new vehicles...

https://www.fakeavacation.com/vacation-package/

Woooooooooooooooow

[FIREstache]

I don't do Facebook, but I see people spending their $ on a lot of expensive "stuff", and I take pleasure in knowing I could afford to buy any of it and choose not to.

[Bloop Bloop]

This is why I refuse to do any type of social media and always tell my wife so what when she tries to show me someone bragging on there...  It's not like someone is ever going to post a bad picture of themselves or tell how shitty their life really is.  Social media is just an outlet for self conscious people to brag about their shitty life thru filters that make it look fabulous.  No thank you.....

Although I totally agree with the gist of your post, which is that a lot of social media use is contrived and self-conscious, not all of it is. I see some friends who just post a mixture of stupid goofy pics, dog pics and sharing food/laughs with friends (I don't consider that to be consumer whoring, etc).

And if there is anything that could legitimately make me jealous, it's seeing people having great time in the company of others. It  reminds me to focus on my amazing family and friends and perhaps reconnect with ones I haven't caught up with.

I think it's easy to avoid social media due to how brash it is, but there are legitimate uses to it too - basically centred on social connection and reconnecting.

I usually block accounts that I think are fake/trying too hard and so my news feed is mostly just stupid / funny / lifestyle stuff which I don't mind at all.

[MrDelane]

No, not everyone has the same capacity, obviously, but we're not talking about buying a castle in France, we're talking about a truck, a trailer, and an old Corvette.

Well this is an odd coincidence. I was originally going to reply to this thread by mentioning a childhood friend of mine who has become insanely wealthy in the past few years, and how I've processed that.

His most recent purchase was literally a castle in France.

But does he have a truck, a trailer and an old corvette????

You got me there.  He does not.
What a loser.


:)