I bought a new home and it didn't make me any happier.

[kork]

So I think I may be getting to a bit more of the root cause of my unhappiness.

Very simple, lack of freedom.

Let me elaborate. Freedom and autonomy has always been a huge thing to me. I value it above all else (hence my quest for FIRE).  By moving to the new home, I felt that it would provide us with more autonomy as it would lessen our monthly expenses and would be quieter and safer.

But the whole "quiet aspect" which was a huge thing for us,  has not happened. We've traded periodic backup beepers for relentless crows cawing.

I treat my home as much more than a house.  I know a lot of people who look at a house as simply that... A house. But when we bought this house, we had planned for it to be our "forever home."  Big enough for the kids, not too big for us. We wouldn't need to downsize when the kids moved out.

But with the noises that I have no control over, it's been shaking the foundation that I'm trying to build.

I need a home. A nucleus, a base. Some people can live from a backpack but that's not me.  And I need my home to be able to turn into a place of serenity and tranquility. And when I say crows, I don't mean one crows every so often.  I mean,  crow after crow after crow cawing with all the windows closed and snow on the ground. This goes on for 12 hours a day.  From sunrise to sunset. Can hear them all through the house. There's no escape.

And it's taking my "forever home" and a ton of money and making it a negative living experience.  Watching a movie... Caw, caw ,caw...   Music?  Caw, caw, caw... Sleeping in the morning.... Caw, caw, caw...

I've tried dying crow sounds.  Nothing.
I've tried loud sounds. It scares them away for 5 minutes but they just go to a branch across the street (where not as loud, but can still hear them).
I've tried Hawk sounds.  They don't care.

Next up is hanging CD's and shiny objects and a great horned owl sounds and decoy.  I've got a window company coming out to quote new triple paned windows.  That'll run $10k-$20k+.  At least it's cheaper than the $40k we'd pay in real estate commissions to sell. But even then, that just means the house stays closed year round.  Open windows.. Caw, caw, caw...

One reason we moved was to get away from the harsh and abrasive sounds. I don't mind nature sounds. I really don't. But the shill screams of a crow is like nails on a chalkboard...

And I have no reasonable control over it which is killing my freedom to enjoy my new home.

[Linea_Norway]

Welcome to this thread:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/post-fire/sound-sensitivity-disorder/

Are you allowed to shoot the crows (or let someone else do it)?

We have some of those large birds at certain times of the years. They are indeed annoying as they make so much noise. They tend to nest in our garden. Small birds are much nicer. I get nuts by the neighbour's little dog that barks non-stop when it is outside. In the summer that dog is outside all the time.

I understand that you are stressed out after a couple of months with making the new house nice to live in. If you don't get out of the house and only do stuff that is useful and nothing fun, it is easy to get a bit depressed. Add to that the lack of daylight during the winter.

My suggestion is that you try to find an office place somewhere else. Maybe not an official co-working place, but just any office building where they have an unoccupied room that you can rent. Look around at what you can find in your neighbourhood, preferably on walking distance. Could you use your own house as a co-working place?

Also try to do something outside once a day during daylight hours, like a walk in the lunch break, or just sitting in the sun. I think that later in the year, there will be more people outside during day time. In the winter, everybody just stays inside.

Focus on doing something that you enjoy in the weekends, at least one of these days, so you have something to look out for.

Get some earplugs to use in bed.

And get some noise cancelling headphones to use during daytime when you are going nuts. Nice if they can also play music from your phone. But I use mine mostly just for anti-noise (at work). It is a life saver for those worst-case days.

[I'm a red panda]

I went to college in a town that was periodically taken over by crows. IIRC, they were seasonal.  Maybe yours will go away.

This doesn't help you, but I recommend for anyone buying a house to just go take a book and sit outside for an hour or so at different times of the day throughout a week to see if there are things like this that happen.  Certainly, that's how I found out our house hears a lot of train noise, despite not realizing the train tracks were near the house.

Obviously doesn't work in a hot market where you don't have a week to make a decision.

[kork]

I went to college in a town that was periodically taken over by crows. IIRC, they were seasonal.  Maybe yours will go away.

This doesn't help you, but I recommend for anyone buying a house to just go take a book and sit outside for an hour or so at different times of the day throughout a week to see if there are things like this that happen.  Certainly, that's how I found out our house hears a lot of train noise, despite not realizing the train tracks were near the house.

Obviously doesn't work in a hot market where you don't have a week to make a decision.

I did this.  In fact, to the point where I parked at midnight in front of the electrical box across the street to hear how audible the buzzing was...  It was fine.

The cawing wasn't really here for the first 2 months...   It's started up in the last 2 weeks or so.

[Cool Friend]

The cawing wasn't really here for the first 2 months...   It's started up in the last 2 weeks or so.

Crows are partially migratory, so there's a chance you won't have to deal with them year-round... especially if you weren't experiencing their chatter for the first two months.

[Free Spirit]

I went to college in a town that was periodically taken over by crows. IIRC, they were seasonal.  Maybe yours will go away.

This doesn't help you, but I recommend for anyone buying a house to just go take a book and sit outside for an hour or so at different times of the day throughout a week to see if there are things like this that happen.  Certainly, that's how I found out our house hears a lot of train noise, despite not realizing the train tracks were near the house.

Obviously doesn't work in a hot market where you don't have a week to make a decision.

I did this.  In fact, to the point where I parked at midnight in front of the electrical box across the street to hear how audible the buzzing was...  It was fine.

The cawing wasn't really here for the first 2 months...   It's started up in the last 2 weeks or so.

Ahh, perhaps it's the nesting season? It is almost spring afterall. I suspect this could be the reason for all the ruckus. Maybe a delving into a little corvid research could help you appreciate them? I thoroughly enjoyed Mind of the Raven (and The Nesting Season) by Bernd Heinrich. It's a place to start anyway. :)

[kork]

So I purchased a decoy owl.  I have it perched outside the front window... I'm actually looking forward to when my daughters notice it when sitting down and it freaks them out!  I also purchased two decoy crows from amazon to hang upside down in the trees.  Apparently, crows don't like the sight of other dead crows.

Hopefully this is not something that goes on year round.  Spring is around the corner and I'm not sure how I'll cope with relentless caw, caw, caw during the nice weather months.

[pmac]

Apparently, crows don't like the sight of other dead crows.

True,
I shot 4 crows dead in the front of my yard, let them lay for a few days. Solved the crow problem. Haven't had issues since. Warn the neighbors before you start shooting your shotgun at 2:00pm though....

[TVRodriguez]

  I've got a window company coming out to quote new triple paned windows.  That'll run $10k-$20k+.  At least it's cheaper than the $40k we'd pay in real estate commissions to sell. But even then, that just means the house stays closed year round.  Open windows.. Caw, caw, caw...

I thought of the windows thing, too.  When we put in hurricane windows, we were amazed at the quiet!  We can't hear the pond waterfall that DH created in the backyard from the room that is closest to it if the windows in that room are closed.  We used to hear the neighbors in all their glory at all hours . . . now, nothing!  It's heavenly.  We do keep the windows closed a lot (AC year round around here), so on the odd occasion when the windows are open, you really notice the outside noises again.

[kork]

  I've got a window company coming out to quote new triple paned windows.  That'll run $10k-$20k+.  At least it's cheaper than the $40k we'd pay in real estate commissions to sell. But even then, that just means the house stays closed year round.  Open windows.. Caw, caw, caw...

I thought of the windows thing, too.  When we put in hurricane windows, we were amazed at the quiet!  We can't hear the pond waterfall that DH created in the backyard from the room that is closest to it if the windows in that room are closed.  We used to hear the neighbors in all their glory at all hours . . . now, nothing!  It's heavenly.  We do keep the windows closed a lot (AC year round around here), so on the odd occasion when the windows are open, you really notice the outside noises again.

We already have double pane windows from 1986.  I'm not sure what the STC rating would be. But the home is a bungalow and I'm not sure how much of the sound is getting in from the roof/ceiling vs. the walls vs. the windows.  I'd hate to spend a bunch of money on new windows and then...  CAW, CAW, CAW!!!

[CharlesBronzee]

I did the opposite - downsized from a 3000 sq ft home in a big lot, located in a quiet, exclusive subdivision to a 2000 sq ft house in a more working class neighbourhood.  My new house is in a corner lot where I can see people walk by everyday from my kitchen.  I also have a front porch where I just sit and relax in the summertime.  I also work from home now.  I can tell you it does make a difference in feeling less isolated.  This has been a better home for me in many ways.

But I do think you might have low tolerance to noise as well which could be your main issue exacerbated by a sense of isolation.

[kork]

And the hunt is now on for a drone that I can annoy the crows with...  I’ll put nice big yellow eyes on it to look like an owl coming at them!

[sol]

And the hunt is now on for a drone that I can annoy the crows with...  I’ll put nice big yellow eyes on it to look like an owl coming at them!

I really like the Helizone Sparrows.  They're only $25 and they fly better than drones four times the price.  They small, but big enough to fly like a real drone and not a chintzy toy, and they transmitter has triple the range of the competition in that price range.

And at $25, you won't feel too bad when you crash it.  You can get drones for $15 these days, but you better stay within about 40 feet of them or you lose signal and they fly off into a tree.

[kork]

And the hunt is now on for a drone that I can annoy the crows with...  I’ll put nice big yellow eyes on it to look like an owl coming at them!

I really like the Helizone Sparrows.  They're only $25 and they fly better than drones four times the price.  They small, but big enough to fly like a real drone and not a chintzy toy, and they transmitter has triple the range of the competition in that price range.

And at $25, you won't feel too bad when you crash it.  You can get drones for $15 these days, but you better stay within about 40 feet of them or you lose signal and they fly off into a tree.

I have 5 drones, but they're all smallish ones. I did purchase one about a year who withat allowed my to use my phone as a viewfinder, but the wifi connection was questionable at best.  It would stop working for a second and before you know it, I hit a wall!

How well does the Helizone Sparrow work?  I want to mount two large yellow eyes on the bottom and hover overtop to scare the crap out of the crows.

[RH]

Hi Kork,
To get rid of the crows, hang a large fake owl in your front and back yard and move it around every month. Works wonders and keeps the crows away. Give it try!

[kork]

Hi Kork,
To get rid of the crows, hang a large fake owl in your front and back yard and move it around every month. Works wonders and keeps the crows away. Give it try!

I have a large owl already and it doesn't seem to do much.  I suspect they know it's fake.  That said, I've ordered 4 fake real size and real feathered crows that I'm going to hang upside down. Apparently, fake owls that don't move look fake.  Fake crows that don't move... LOOK DEAD! And because they're smart, they realize that a dead crow means bad things for the ones still living!  We shall see.

[Linea_Norway]

Hi Kork,
To get rid of the crows, hang a large fake owl in your front and back yard and move it around every month. Works wonders and keeps the crows away. Give it try!

I have a large owl already and it doesn't seem to do much.  I suspect they know it's fake.  That said, I've ordered 4 fake real size and real feathered crows that I'm going to hang upside down. Apparently, fake owls that don't move look fake.  Fake crows that don't move... LOOK DEAD! And because they're smart, they realize that a dead crow means bad things for the ones still living!  We shall see.

Have you hung the fake owl on a rope so that it dangles in the wind?

Yeah, crows are quite intelligent.

[MrUpwardlyMobile]

Might I suggest a hobby? Landscaping.  Most of the homeowners I know that do their own landscaping work find real joy in their property.  Some cool ideas: a few fruit trees, stone edging, raised bed gardens, flower gardens, etc... As a DYI, you get a lot of exercise, you use your creativity, and it’s generally very rewarding. 

Growing up, this was something my family got to do, and it is something that is a major consideration for us as we look at homes and apartments.

[Metalcat]

Opens a thread about houses, turns out to be a thread about scaring off crows...weird...

OP, you don't just seem "not happy", you actually come off as highly agitated. Is this accurate or just a writing style thing?

If you really are this bothered by beeping trucks and the sound of crows, then I concur with PPs that it's either a primary sound-sensitivity issue, or you are so stressed by something else that your senses are perpetually fried and super-sensitized. I remember when I was fully burnt out that the sound of anyone around me sneezing loudly could almost bring me to tears of agitation.

Either way, I would dedicate some time and energy into identifying what it is that's preventing you from being able to enjoy your new home. There's something going on and it's not just crows.

[kork]

Hi Kork,
To get rid of the crows, hang a large fake owl in your front and back yard and move it around every month. Works wonders and keeps the crows away. Give it try!

I have a large owl already and it doesn't seem to do much.  I suspect they know it's fake.  That said, I've ordered 4 fake real size and real feathered crows that I'm going to hang upside down. Apparently, fake owls that don't move look fake.  Fake crows that don't move... LOOK DEAD! And because they're smart, they realize that a dead crow means bad things for the ones still living!  We shall see.

Have you hung the fake owl on a rope so that it dangles in the wind?

Yeah, crows are quite intelligent.

Haven't tried hanging off string so it moves.  I'll make that change today. Thanks for the tip.

[kork]

Opens a thread about houses, turns out to be a thread about scaring off crows...weird...

OP, you don't just seem "not happy", you actually come off as highly agitated. Is this accurate or just a writing style thing?

If you really are this bothered by beeping trucks and the sound of crows, then I concur with PPs that it's either a primary sound-sensitivity issue, or you are so stressed by something else that your senses are perpetually fried and super-sensitized. I remember when I was fully burnt out that the sound of anyone around me sneezing loudly could almost bring me to tears of agitation.

Either way, I would dedicate some time and energy into identifying what it is that's preventing you from being able to enjoy your new home. There's something going on and it's not just crows.

I have a sensitivity to disruptive, annoying sounds. When I was younger, I had no issues. I could sleep with the window open and went camping all the time.  No issues at all with early morning sounds.

Then when I got my first basement apartment, overnight sounds started to really get to me. The STOMP STOMP STOMP at 8am.  The yelling by people living upstairs.  We put up with that for 5 years.  Then our next apartment, people would start their car up at 5:30am while I was still sleeping and the stereo would be turned on.  "Thump, thump, thump"

Then we bought our first home which backed onto a school parking lot. When it snowed, the snow removal equipment would come out and "beep, beep, beep" and it would pierce through the windows for hours at night. We were only there for 6 months.

Next house was fine. Nice and quiet subdivision home.

And the last house we were in,  backup beepers in the wee hours of the morning.

New house,  Crows.  A whole bunch of them.  Not 3,  not 5...  But over a dozen just flying about and cawing in our trees for 12 hours piercing through the house.

I think it mostly comes down to feeling trapped which spikes my anxiety. I'm much better the last couple days. The crows haven't changed,  I'm just coping better with them and am planning potential solutions (New windows will run $20k ballpark, but cheaper than selling the house!).

A good friend of mine pointed out a GREAT solution for the isolation. Go to the mall with my laptop.  We have a beautiful mall 6 minutes away. It's got a massive fireplace, food court, sitting areas, etc.  I'm going to go there today to sit for an hour or two and work on my laptop.  Hustle and bustle of people and free wifi.  Better than a coffee house (because I don't drink coffee).  I'll try it out and see.

The sound is my focus because it's been something I've been able to hone in on for this thread. Same goes for the isolation.  I haven't mentioned that we have a large open area at the bottom of our stairs (the the walkout basement) which I'm trying to figure out what to do with. It needs new carpet, but I don't want to do new carpet until we figure out the space. These things are weighing on me. My mind is racing trying to solve the issue (welcome to anxiety disorder at work) and I'm becoming exhausted.

Anxiety when kicked in is like being burnt out all the time. The smallest things can be exhausting. Crows,  coworkers humming while working,  people chatting in the "quiet zone" on the train. Sounds tend to get to me when I'm anxious.

And the isolation and new house had made me anxious.  The sounds put me over the top.

I'm working through it.

[Metalcat]

Any chance you might be an extreme extrovert??

It may be counter intuitive, but I'm an extreme extrovert and it can make me crazy sensitive to sounds if I'm somewhere too quiet and feeling stressed.

I actually can't focus in silence. In 11 years of university, I studied in the library once and nearly became homicidal with the sound of people drinking water behind me. I studied strictly in busy/loud cafes with enough stimulation to let me focus. At home I studied with the TV on.
Granted, I was also stressed out of my mind at the time, which heightened all of those sensitivities.

These days life is chill and i don't mind much, and I have thousands of chatty crows and snow removal where I live. I don't think I even realized that until this thread.

Being an extrovert doesn't have to mean that you are outgoing or friendly, it just means you get energized by other people. So that could be part of your problem, and why the isolation is getting to you.

Either way, your follow up post is just as packed with agitation as your previous posts, and repeats a lot of the same complaints I was referring to earlier, which really suggests that this level of agitation should be taken seriously. It's not healthy.

[kork]

Any chance you might be an extreme extrovert??

It may be counter intuitive, but I'm an extreme extrovert and it can make me crazy sensitive to sounds if I'm somewhere too quiet and feeling stressed.

I actually can't focus in silence. In 11 years of university, I studied in the library once and nearly became homicidal with the sound of people drinking water behind me. I studied strictly in busy/loud cafes with enough stimulation to let me focus. At home I studied with the TV on.
Granted, I was also stressed out of my mind at the time, which heightened all of those sensitivities.

These days life is chill and i don't mind much, and I have thousands of chatty crows and snow removal where I live. I don't think I even realized that until this thread.

Being an extrovert doesn't have to mean that you are outgoing or friendly, it just means you get energized by other people. So that could be part of your problem, and why the isolation is getting to you.

Either way, your follow up post is just as packed with agitation as your previous posts, and repeats a lot of the same complaints I was referring to earlier, which really suggests that this level of agitation should be taken seriously. It's not healthy.

I need external noise and distraction to allow me to focus. TV Turned on, radio playing, something.  But if there's regular noise and then a child starts screaming or there's something loud and out of place, then I focus on that and lose my train of thought.

I'm fine with sound though. Cars driving up and down the street, even snow plows... Don't care. But it's certain disruptive sounds that seem to get to me.  I'm much better now that I'm realizing solutions to the problems. I currently don't feel trapped which is allowing me to focus on solving the issues rather than drowning in them.

[kork]

So I just spent around an hour and a half working at the mall. Set up in a nice spot in the food court, worked away,  people coming and going, making noise (which doesn't both me at all) and was able to get a fair amount done.  It's now almost 1pm and the trek to work in the mall was much better than the co-working space I was at prior which requires bookings, etc. 

When I was done working, I ate a healthy wrap and then proceeded on my way home.  Isolation solved for today anyways!

[TVRodriguez]

So I just spent around an hour and a half working at the mall. Set up in a nice spot in the food court, worked away,  people coming and going, making noise (which doesn't both me at all) and was able to get a fair amount done.  It's now almost 1pm and the trek to work in the mall was much better than the co-working space I was at prior which requires bookings, etc. 

When I was done working, I ate a healthy wrap and then proceeded on my way home.  Isolation solved for today anyways!

That's great!  I love working with white noise, sometimes, too.

[Linea_Norway]

So I just spent around an hour and a half working at the mall. Set up in a nice spot in the food court, worked away,  people coming and going, making noise (which doesn't both me at all) and was able to get a fair amount done.  It's now almost 1pm and the trek to work in the mall was much better than the co-working space I was at prior which requires bookings, etc. 

When I was done working, I ate a healthy wrap and then proceeded on my way home.  Isolation solved for today anyways!

Great that it worked out for you, and so close to home.

[EnjoyIt]

I think that happiness is a choice, in every moment.  It's something you make, not something you find.  For anyone who thinks that their next purchase or promotion or relationship or achievement will finally make you happy, I have bad news for you.  Happy people are happy and unhappy people are not, and you don't switch from one to the other by changing anything at all about your life situation.  You have to change yourself.

Sociologists have spent 100 years reporting to us that the happiest people on Earth are often the poorest.  People who have watched their own children wither and die of starvation in third world countries typically self-report higher happiness levels than successful businessmen and bankers from London or NY.  They have a stronger sense of community and belonging, they live closer to nature, they find meaning in their music and spirituality.  They have no illusions that their life situation is about to change for the better, and so they can accept what they have right now as enough.  The bankers, by contrast, live in a constant state of suffering, striving for something better, dissatisfied with their current life no matter how prestigious it is.

So I'm never surprised when an unhappy person reports that they bought something and it didn't make them happy.  Well of course it didn't!  Happiness doesn't come from the things you buy, it comes from you.  I might suggest trying to cultivate gratitude in your life, as a start.  I've found that taking the occasional moment to consciously appreciate the things about my life that I love goes a long way towards improving my happiness levels.

See, that's the thing.  We didn't purchase the new home thinking that the "new home" would make us happier.  It was more that purchasing the new home would help solve the problems that we were experiencing which were unpleasant and as a result, lending to the unhappy moments. Sortof like "getting punched in the face doesn't make me happy, so let's eliminate the face punching..."  I may be wrong.  But the new home solved some/most of those issues.  It just happens to be shining light on new ones that I haven't grown into yet.

This is our 4th home. Our first home was plagued by backup beepers (we lived behind a school so the beepers would go for hours on a snowy night).  It made every night with more than an inch of snow a terror. Second home was pretty quiet except for neighbourhood dogs that would bark and bark and bark.  Third house was backup beepers again and now this home, just outside the city is plagued by crows. Even with the windows closed, caw, caw, caw, caw....

Just get a good white noise maker. You can shoot fireworks outside and I would sleep right though it.

[Lmoot]

Perhaps instead of having a gym and theater in your home....you join a gym and go to the theater?

I find the most interesting neighborhoods to be the ones of mixed economic status. A lot of the upper class suburban neighborhoods I drive-through, the only people out in the yard are the hired landscapers. It’s nice to live in a neighborhood where neighbors are out fixing and washing their own cars mowing their own grass. And because they want to not because of an HOA.

Regarding noises, you might need to invest in noise reducing windows. My dad works overnight and soundproofed one of the rooms so daytime noise won’t wake him up.

Personally I wake up earlier than the birds, or the sun, or the leaf blowing man. So for me there is nothing more luxurious than laying in bed hearing the sounds of the world around me waking up, because it means I’m getting to sleep in. I live in a small suburban community 30 minutes away from the nearest big city, and I like hearing people driving to work, roosters in the distance, people waking up to work in their yard before the hot Florida sun comes out. Honestly, you might just need to shift your thinking. Instead of trying to block out the noise and feel anxious over it, try to embrace it. Try to pick out all the different sounds you can hear. Or just try waking up earlier and going to bed earlier. If everything and everyone around you is waking up, maybe that’s a sign that You’re sleeping in too late. Personally with kids that go to school as early as kids tend to go to school it’s strange that you’re able to sleep late enough for all of these things to start happening.

[Linea_Norway]

Perhaps instead of having a gym and theater in your home....you join a gym and go to the theater?

I find the most interesting neighborhoods to be the ones of mixed economic status. A lot of the upper class suburban neighborhoods I drive-through, the only people out in the yard are the hired landscapers. It’s nice to live in a neighborhood where neighbors are out fixing and washing their own cars mowing their own grass. And because they want to not because of an HOA.

Regarding noises, you might need to invest in noise reducing windows. My dad works overnight and soundproofed one of the rooms so daytime noise won’t wake him up.

Personally I wake up earlier than the birds, or the sun, or the leaf blowing man. So for me there is nothing more luxurious than laying in bed hearing the sounds of the world around me waking up, because it means I’m getting to sleep in. I live in a small suburban community 30 minutes away from the nearest big city, and I like hearing people driving to work, roosters in the distance, people waking up to work in their yard before the hot Florida sun comes out. Honestly, you might just need to shift your thinking. Instead of trying to block out the noise and feel anxious over it, try to embrace it. Try to pick out all the different sounds you can hear. Or just try waking up earlier and going to bed earlier. If everything and everyone around you is waking up, maybe that’s a sign that You’re sleeping in too late. Personally with kids that go to school as early as kids tend to go to school it’s strange that you’re able to sleep late enough for all of these things to start happening.

About embracing of the sounds. In the winter I sometimes hear a tractor with snowchains driving past our bedroom. Then I know it has beensnowing at night and the snow cleaning is taken care of. So even if that wakes me up at 4 am or 6 am, I find it a positive sounds. In contrary of the stupid barking neighbour dog, that has more or less the same effect on me as the crows have on the OP.

By the way, in the bedroom we have a sound reducing wall ventilator that measures CO2 levels and blows in fresh air. This way we can sleep with the window closed, also in the summer. This helps against wakingbup early from neighbourhood sounds, or very early birds in the mating season.

[EnjoyIt]

I just want to point out how awesome this forum is.  OP comes with a concern about their house and people chime in on how to rework and rethink their whole outlook on life which has the potential to improve not just this house choice, but everything.

I believe @sol has it spot on. Happy people are happy not because of what they have but on how they perceive life.

I hope that is recognized here.

[LurkingMustache]

My family (4 of us) moved into our new home 3 months ago.

We were living in a small home (1600 square foot finished side-split with no storage to speak of). We enjoyed our home very much for the first 10 years of our children's life. But there were some things that really started to annoy us. We were in a noisy, heavy traffic area on a busy street. Whenever it snowed, the plows would empty the parking lot across the street with their damn backup beepers, there were noisy birds (Grackles and Crows) every morning and virtually no privacy.  Our backyard was lower than the sidewalk by 4 feet and we couldn't put up a fence.  So anyone passing by could see in.

Property taxes were also getting stupid. We were getting close to $6k/year plus mortgage, utilities, upkeep, etc. Simply living in our home would cost over $1k a month to carry not including the mortgage or maintenance.

We'd been there for almost 8 years and it was a great little home.  But last spring we found a used needle in our backyard.  My youngest daughter brought it to me during spring cleanup. I was mortified.

We decided to move. The neighbourhood wasn't sketchy (We lived 100 meters from the water and were surround by million dollar homes) but transient foot traffic was becoming a problem. So we sold our home and moved to a new home in a new neighbourhood.  A much better and safer neighbourhood and it's just outside of the city in a higher class community.  We don't have people walking around shooting up and throwing their needles in our backyard.  Instead, people are respectfully walking their dogs. We're surrounded by trees and it's quiet (except for the morning cackle of Crows which is REALLY annoying).

I was fully expecting/hoping that my happiness would skyrocket by solving some of the issues. Our home had been an area of challenge for a while. The noise and the lack of room. Fearing snow because of the backup beepers across the street, hating people walking by throwing their garbage in our backyard. Small house and overflowing.  And the catalyst to change was the needle.

But with the new move, my happiness has actually diminished? We now have more room (It's not an overly large home), we're loving our hot tub (Boy are we ever loving the hot tub) and on paper, everything is better. Our property taxes are nearly cut in half, we're replacing the furnace shortly and are buying a hot water tank so utilities will also be lower than the previous home. So our carrying costs will be less and we have more equity in the value of the home. The home was about $150k more but hey, it's equity and manageable.  We're one of the less expensive homes in a very desirable neighbourhood.

We moved 5 minutes out of town into an executive neighbourhood. It's quieter but I also feel isolated. The advantage of living where we did was that there was always hustle and bustle. It's a double edged sword.

It could be that we moved when it was cold and there was snow on the ground and we've not had a chance to enjoy our new environment that much. I haven't been out riding my bike yet. It could be that the first 3 months has been an adjustment period and this is typical with a move.

I have a complete fitness studio in the new home, a theatre, a 400 square foot living room with vaulted ceilings.  They girls bedrooms are bigger and they have closets now (they didn't before). The carrying costs are reasonable but I'll tell ya, a year ago my goal was to be able to FIRE. Now, I can't even imagine the isolation of not being involved in some sort of "office hustle bustle" type setting.

On paper, everything is better, but I can't help but feel isolated and lonely. I work from home 3-4 days of the week and that doesn't help.

Anyways, I feel like something is wrong but I can't place it.It could be my job/career.  It could be that I just turned 40.  It could be that
I've been fighting with the crows for the last week. They just sit outside cawing and cawing flying from tree to tree.  So aggravating! We moved for some more quiet and now we have these bastards to contend with!

So I don't believe it's the house that's causing me to feel less happy. I'm trying to figure out what it is. I struggle with where my unhappiness is stemming from and I don't know how to isolate it?

I WANT to love my new home.  I WANT to be happier.  I WANT to appreciate all of our blessings.  But there's something preventing me from seeing those wonderful things.  Instead, I'm focusing on the Crows and the isolation (and whatever else is contributing to the negative emotion I can't seem to place).

Anyways, just wanted to share to get my thoughts "on paper" somehow.

For those thinking a new house will make them happier. It won't. Not that the new house made me less happy, but there's something in the mix here.

Love your post.  Thank you for being so open to anonymous people.  This seems like such an important signal that for your personal situation, life is not right, and that there's almost a cry for help here after pulling the trigger on such a big purchase.  The "I WANT to be happy" statements are so important.  Edit: I particularly love the jump between “perhaps it is because I just turned 40. Perhaps it is the crows”. 

 The replies have touched a nerve for me, perhaps because I feel as though they seem to me to be overtly holier-than-thou (you need to CHOOSE to be happy, think about the starving children in Africa that are thankful for a glass of water!), followed by guidance that doesn't really mean anything.  You might be able to bash your head up against the wall and continue to tell yourself to be thankful, to be happy, maybe to smile a little bit more - and gosh be a little more extroverted, and just stop being so unthankful!

That'll work for a month and then you'll be back to a similar state, now increasingly frustrated that you just can't get it right.  Even though you've tried so hard!  Maybe then you medicate and learn to smile in your home and tell yourself that there's something wrong with you for not being happy.

All of this is losing sight of the forest while focusing on a few individual trees (house, job, crows, sound annoyances).

I'd say that's all absolute fucking garbage/bullshit.  The solution to your problems is not at a surface level - a simple 'habit hack' that maybe if you try for a month can solve this.

My guidance is this:
1. Realize that happiness is an intensely personal journey and no random internet stranger is going to have the silver bullet.  The random internet stranger may approach you as a rationalist, clearly able to parse through your negative emotions and purport a clearly rational response to your problems.  And yet, we are not rational, the things you are bringing up are intensely personal and it'd be hard to find the exact 'why' for this perpetual unhappiness you seem to be finding yourself in.

2.  Where I would start if it were me is:  the realization that somewhere, for a long time, you lost the 'why' for the things you're doing.  You’re entering your 40s, when were you last happy?  When did you have purpose in your life?  Was it before you had a house?  Before you had kids, married, or both?  Have you ever had that sense of purpose or have you dove into the things that ‘should be’ important to you (family, kids, wife, career success)?  I'd say the answer to your problem is to start on a journey to figure out why it may be that you can't quite seem to find that purpose. 

What is the heroic journey you have been embarking on in your life?  What is the point/purpose you've been doing this all for?   Is your hero journey to provide for your family?  You mention that their happiness levels are all nearly 10, and you've rescued them from the needle infested neighborhood you used to live in.  Perhaps that isn't where your true happiness lies.

You also mention working from home, and your attempt at not being isolated is working at a shopping mall.  That would make me feel even more isolated!  Being in an anonymous heap of people milling about looking at new shiny things to buy.  No thanks.

To me, it doesn't sound like (potentially - I don't know - I am a random internet stranger) the upgrades for your family are what truly make you happy.  Maybe your job provides something, but you are also missing a lot.  How engaged are you?  Is it purposeful?  If it isn't, where are you finding it?  Is FIRE turning into an escape mechanism from all these things?

3.  Maybe I'd suggest reading a few books, find some that speak to you.  I am a huge fan of Carl Jung.  Read the first 150 pages of "Man and his symbols" Then refer back to #2 and ask yourself where you went wrong.  And I mean that truly, not for a response to anyone, but inside yourself, deeply, what is it that drives you?  Both your rational side and your other half.  The people that survive the most terrible things, or are content with little, typically see their life as part of a grand story.  Do you have religion?  Think about how devout the poor, unwashed masses are in the world.  They live with nothing but are filled with something that drives them.  That gives them purpose.  I truly believe that in modern society we have lost that.  The proof here being that you thought a house would help.  You might also read "Man's Search for Meaning".  Maybe "Notes from the Underground" from Dostoevsky.

4.  And ultimately, I would talk to someone.  Psychologist, religious leader, someone that can get to know you deeply.  Help them pull out the things you can't see.  It's clear that the things that bother you are not the things that are truly the problems to be solved.  If they were -- well, you'd be happy because you solved them! 

4a.  You also mentioned you were diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression.  I think (and this is a random internet stranger's opinion that may be biased by his own biases), that there is just so much more to your 'problem'.  And the question and answer to it are so much bigger than you will ever solve for here.  You may get some utilitarian and rationalist Stoicism gobbledegook (which, don't get me wrong, is helpful for some things) here that probably won't do you good.

I do hope that something in this rambling helps you.  We live in such a sterilized world that I think it can be hard to find much meaning in things, or connections to 'real-enough' people that can actually help you. 

[BTDretire]

I'm an incredibly light sleeper. I'd love to know how how to change that...  to embrace the shrill caw of a large bird sitting on my roof, only to return every 10 minutes to do it all over again. Not cool.

 Is it possible accommodate yourself to some noise? I don't know. I have slept every single night with a pillow speaker on for as long as I can remember. I listen to talk anything, the last few years it is connected to my internet radio and I listen to old time radio shows, Westerns, or detective stories mostly. When I wake up I usually readjust myself or the speaker so I can listen, I usually fall back asleep, when I thought I wanted to hear the show. Probably good to have a pillow speaker with a volume control.
  My wife often wants to have the drone of the TV on while she's falling asleep.

[BTDretire]

While looking at some microphones I noticed these Foam Acoustic Soundproofing Tiles.
 I don't know how good they work. Would be cheaper than drywall installation.


https://www.ebay.com/itm/48-Pack-Foam-Acoustic-Panels-Studio-Soundproofing-Foam-Wedge-tiles-1-x12-x12/232811974584?_trkparms=aid%3D333200%26algo%3DCOMP.MBE%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D20171012094517%26meid%3D9735ead08d084b98b4e364c5e5fa4603%26pid%3D100008%26rk%3D6%26rkt%3D12%26sd%3D392260765389%26itm%3D232811974584&_trksid=p2047675.c100008.m2219

[EnjoyIt]

My family (4 of us) moved into our new home 3 months ago.

We were living in a small home (1600 square foot finished side-split with no storage to speak of). We enjoyed our home very much for the first 10 years of our children's life. But there were some things that really started to annoy us. We were in a noisy, heavy traffic area on a busy street. Whenever it snowed, the plows would empty the parking lot across the street with their damn backup beepers, there were noisy birds (Grackles and Crows) every morning and virtually no privacy.  Our backyard was lower than the sidewalk by 4 feet and we couldn't put up a fence.  So anyone passing by could see in.

Property taxes were also getting stupid. We were getting close to $6k/year plus mortgage, utilities, upkeep, etc. Simply living in our home would cost over $1k a month to carry not including the mortgage or maintenance.

We'd been there for almost 8 years and it was a great little home.  But last spring we found a used needle in our backyard.  My youngest daughter brought it to me during spring cleanup. I was mortified.

We decided to move. The neighbourhood wasn't sketchy (We lived 100 meters from the water and were surround by million dollar homes) but transient foot traffic was becoming a problem. So we sold our home and moved to a new home in a new neighbourhood.  A much better and safer neighbourhood and it's just outside of the city in a higher class community.  We don't have people walking around shooting up and throwing their needles in our backyard.  Instead, people are respectfully walking their dogs. We're surrounded by trees and it's quiet (except for the morning cackle of Crows which is REALLY annoying).

I was fully expecting/hoping that my happiness would skyrocket by solving some of the issues. Our home had been an area of challenge for a while. The noise and the lack of room. Fearing snow because of the backup beepers across the street, hating people walking by throwing their garbage in our backyard. Small house and overflowing.  And the catalyst to change was the needle.

But with the new move, my happiness has actually diminished? We now have more room (It's not an overly large home), we're loving our hot tub (Boy are we ever loving the hot tub) and on paper, everything is better. Our property taxes are nearly cut in half, we're replacing the furnace shortly and are buying a hot water tank so utilities will also be lower than the previous home. So our carrying costs will be less and we have more equity in the value of the home. The home was about $150k more but hey, it's equity and manageable.  We're one of the less expensive homes in a very desirable neighbourhood.

We moved 5 minutes out of town into an executive neighbourhood. It's quieter but I also feel isolated. The advantage of living where we did was that there was always hustle and bustle. It's a double edged sword.

It could be that we moved when it was cold and there was snow on the ground and we've not had a chance to enjoy our new environment that much. I haven't been out riding my bike yet. It could be that the first 3 months has been an adjustment period and this is typical with a move.

I have a complete fitness studio in the new home, a theatre, a 400 square foot living room with vaulted ceilings.  They girls bedrooms are bigger and they have closets now (they didn't before). The carrying costs are reasonable but I'll tell ya, a year ago my goal was to be able to FIRE. Now, I can't even imagine the isolation of not being involved in some sort of "office hustle bustle" type setting.

On paper, everything is better, but I can't help but feel isolated and lonely. I work from home 3-4 days of the week and that doesn't help.

Anyways, I feel like something is wrong but I can't place it.It could be my job/career.  It could be that I just turned 40.  It could be that
I've been fighting with the crows for the last week. They just sit outside cawing and cawing flying from tree to tree.  So aggravating! We moved for some more quiet and now we have these bastards to contend with!

So I don't believe it's the house that's causing me to feel less happy. I'm trying to figure out what it is. I struggle with where my unhappiness is stemming from and I don't know how to isolate it?

I WANT to love my new home.  I WANT to be happier.  I WANT to appreciate all of our blessings.  But there's something preventing me from seeing those wonderful things.  Instead, I'm focusing on the Crows and the isolation (and whatever else is contributing to the negative emotion I can't seem to place).

Anyways, just wanted to share to get my thoughts "on paper" somehow.

For those thinking a new house will make them happier. It won't. Not that the new house made me less happy, but there's something in the mix here.

Love your post.  Thank you for being so open to anonymous people.  This seems like such an important signal that for your personal situation, life is not right, and that there's almost a cry for help here after pulling the trigger on such a big purchase.  The "I WANT to be happy" statements are so important.  Edit: I particularly love the jump between “perhaps it is because I just turned 40. Perhaps it is the crows”. 

 The replies have touched a nerve for me, perhaps because I feel as though they seem to me to be overtly holier-than-thou (you need to CHOOSE to be happy, think about the starving children in Africa that are thankful for a glass of water!), followed by guidance that doesn't really mean anything.  You might be able to bash your head up against the wall and continue to tell yourself to be thankful, to be happy, maybe to smile a little bit more - and gosh be a little more extroverted, and just stop being so unthankful!

That'll work for a month and then you'll be back to a similar state, now increasingly frustrated that you just can't get it right.  Even though you've tried so hard!  Maybe then you medicate and learn to smile in your home and tell yourself that there's something wrong with you for not being happy.

All of this is losing sight of the forest while focusing on a few individual trees (house, job, crows, sound annoyances).

I'd say that's all absolute fucking garbage/bullshit.  The solution to your problems is not at a surface level - a simple 'habit hack' that maybe if you try for a month can solve this.

My guidance is this:
1. Realize that happiness is an intensely personal journey and no random internet stranger is going to have the silver bullet.  The random internet stranger may approach you as a rationalist, clearly able to parse through your negative emotions and purport a clearly rational response to your problems.  And yet, we are not rational, the things you are bringing up are intensely personal and it'd be hard to find the exact 'why' for this perpetual unhappiness you seem to be finding yourself in.

2.  Where I would start if it were me is:  the realization that somewhere, for a long time, you lost the 'why' for the things you're doing.  You’re entering your 40s, when were you last happy?  When did you have purpose in your life?  Was it before you had a house?  Before you had kids, married, or both?  Have you ever had that sense of purpose or have you dove into the things that ‘should be’ important to you (family, kids, wife, career success)?  I'd say the answer to your problem is to start on a journey to figure out why it may be that you can't quite seem to find that purpose. 

What is the heroic journey you have been embarking on in your life?  What is the point/purpose you've been doing this all for?   Is your hero journey to provide for your family?  You mention that their happiness levels are all nearly 10, and you've rescued them from the needle infested neighborhood you used to live in.  Perhaps that isn't where your true happiness lies.

You also mention working from home, and your attempt at not being isolated is working at a shopping mall.  That would make me feel even more isolated!  Being in an anonymous heap of people milling about looking at new shiny things to buy.  No thanks.

To me, it doesn't sound like (potentially - I don't know - I am a random internet stranger) the upgrades for your family are what truly make you happy.  Maybe your job provides something, but you are also missing a lot.  How engaged are you?  Is it purposeful?  If it isn't, where are you finding it?  Is FIRE turning into an escape mechanism from all these things?

3.  Maybe I'd suggest reading a few books, find some that speak to you.  I am a huge fan of Carl Jung.  Read the first 150 pages of "Man and his symbols" Then refer back to #2 and ask yourself where you went wrong.  And I mean that truly, not for a response to anyone, but inside yourself, deeply, what is it that drives you?  Both your rational side and your other half.  The people that survive the most terrible things, or are content with little, typically see their life as part of a grand story.  Do you have religion?  Think about how devout the poor, unwashed masses are in the world.  They live with nothing but are filled with something that drives them.  That gives them purpose.  I truly believe that in modern society we have lost that.  The proof here being that you thought a house would help.  You might also read "Man's Search for Meaning".  Maybe "Notes from the Underground" from Dostoevsky.

4.  And ultimately, I would talk to someone.  Psychologist, religious leader, someone that can get to know you deeply.  Help them pull out the things you can't see.  It's clear that the things that bother you are not the things that are truly the problems to be solved.  If they were -- well, you'd be happy because you solved them! 

4a.  You also mentioned you were diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression.  I think (and this is a random internet stranger's opinion that may be biased by his own biases), that there is just so much more to your 'problem'.  And the question and answer to it are so much bigger than you will ever solve for here.  You may get some utilitarian and rationalist Stoicism gobbledegook (which, don't get me wrong, is helpful for some things) here that probably won't do you good.

I do hope that something in this rambling helps you.  We live in such a sterilized world that I think it can be hard to find much meaning in things, or connections to 'real-enough' people that can actually help you.

Thanks for your perspective.  It was an interesting read and definitely worth reflecting on.  Thanks again.

[pudding]

LOL... not at your situation, but that I came to MMM today to post about my own house and situation.

My situation is almost comically tragic as I bought my house 11 years ago and similar to you I lived in the hustle and the bustle of downtown and half a block from the beach in a rented apartment with a great rent.

Then I bought this house I live in now and almost immediately regretted it.  I bought the house off someone I know who helped my with a second mortgage and because of that it was pretty much this house or I couldn't have bought one.

I'm in very quiet part of the city,  at night there's no one around. It's just dead!  In winter it's almost a bit surreal in a way, as you can go weeks here and no one will say anything to you.

And I can't speak the same language as 90 + percent of the neighbourhood, which really really makes it boring. The shops and the restaurants cater to chinese people, so there's almost zero community really that works for me. I have one good friend close by, apart from that I have to drive about half hour to get to the next friend.

My daughter and grandkids used to live 5 minutes away but a few years ago they moved out east, that really notched up the isolation.

Similar to you noise drives me nuts!   I live close to a fire hall, and I can deal with the sirens, but they blast on that f'ing air horn and it lifts me out of my chair.

The guy next to me built his own house and it took 3 and a half **** years of hammering and drilling on weekends and evenings! 

There was a guy across the street with a super car that when he started it, it honestly sounded like someone booting up a jet. He used to park it outside my house so as to be facing the right direction to go to work, and that little *** used to set off to work at 6am on Sundays!

Almost everyday I have this internal dialogue about whether i should sell it and move or not. 

The area is almost certainly going to be rezoned at which time the value of the house will likely go up by a lot. But in the mean time I wonder what the heck I'm doing here.

[kork]

So a small update.  The house has two water issues now.  I found a new water stain on the ceiling tile in the basement. It looks like it’s either the siding or the roof.  Roof is 4yearsbold but the idiots who lived here before cut corners everywhere (not caught pre-purchase by home inspector, myself of other professionals).

So there’s a leak coming in from somewhere.  That got me up into the attic (we moved in the winter so I didn’t spend much time up there) to see if the roof was leaking and the water was running down the walls.

Second issue. While up in the attic, the bathroom vents are run 35 feet and duct taped to the vents on the exterior wall. One was disconnected and as a result was leaking water into the attic all over the place. I got about a litre of water out of the flexible duct. So that’s a little easier to fix, but it’s infuriating that someone felt duct tape was how to do this???  Assholes throwing problems down the field.  What else did they do that was wrong?

[partgypsy]

LOL... not at your situation, but that I came to MMM today to post about my own house and situation.

My situation is almost comically tragic as I bought my house 11 years ago and similar to you I lived in the hustle and the bustle of downtown and half a block from the beach in a rented apartment with a great rent.

Then I bought this house I live in now and almost immediately regretted it.  I bought the house off someone I know who helped my with a second mortgage and because of that it was pretty much this house or I couldn't have bought one.

I'm in very quiet part of the city,  at night there's no one around. It's just dead!  In winter it's almost a bit surreal in a way, as you can go weeks here and no one will say anything to you.

And I can't speak the same language as 90 + percent of the neighbourhood, which really really makes it boring. The shops and the restaurants cater to chinese people, so there's almost zero community really that works for me. I have one good friend close by, apart from that I have to drive about half hour to get to the next friend.

My daughter and grandkids used to live 5 minutes away but a few years ago they moved out east, that really notched up the isolation.

Similar to you noise drives me nuts!   I live close to a fire hall, and I can deal with the sirens, but they blast on that f'ing air horn and it lifts me out of my chair.

The guy next to me built his own house and it took 3 and a half **** years of hammering and drilling on weekends and evenings! 

There was a guy across the street with a super car that when he started it, it honestly sounded like someone booting up a jet. He used to park it outside my house so as to be facing the right direction to go to work, and that little *** used to set off to work at 6am on Sundays!

Almost everyday I have this internal dialogue about whether i should sell it and move or not. 

The area is almost certainly going to be rezoned at which time the value of the house will likely go up by a lot. But in the mean time I wonder what the heck I'm doing here.

That sounds really difficult. I vote for mental sanity over a hit to the dollars. Maybe have a mental timeline of how long you are willing to live there, and what are the options/signs for exiting.

[wenchsenior]

So I purchased a decoy owl.  I have it perched outside the front window... I'm actually looking forward to when my daughters notice it when sitting down and it freaks them out!  I also purchased two decoy crows from amazon to hang upside down in the trees.  Apparently, crows don't like the sight of other dead crows.

Hopefully this is not something that goes on year round.  Spring is around the corner and I'm not sure how I'll cope with relentless caw, caw, caw during the nice weather months.

Take it from someone with a specialty in birds and raptors, those fake owls don't work, and certainly not on corvids. Also, corvids will mob owls if they find them, not fly away from them.  If they were to recognize it as an owl, which they won't, they'll just be noisier to try to drive it away.  Crows are super interesting, but they are quite annoying when they are in mob mode. You might actually have a wild owl that roosts near your house that is worsening the ruckus.

ETA: I'm sympathetic to the noise issue.  I despise barking dogs with every fiber of my being, and regularly feel homicidal toward all my neighbors.

[Linea_Norway]

So a small update.  The house has two water issues now.  I found a new water stain on the ceiling tile in the basement. It looks like it’s either the siding or the roof.  Roof is 4 years old but the idiots who lived here before cut corners everywhere (not caught pre-purchase by home inspector, myself of other professionals).

So there’s a leak coming in from somewhere.  That got me up into the attic (we moved in the winter so I didn’t spend much time up there) to see if the roof was leaking and the water was running down the walls.

Second issue. While up in the attic, the bathroom vents are run 35 feet and duct taped to the vents on the exterior wall. One was disconnected and as a result was leaking water into the attic all over the place. I got about a litre of water out of the flexible duct. So that’s a little easier to fix, but it’s infuriating that someone felt duct tape was how to do this???  Assholes throwing problems down the field.  What else did they do that was wrong?

Our previous house was like that. A very non-technical person had some done minor "improvements". The airing vent from the sewage ended up in 2 flexible ducts taped together and put on the cold attic. Guess what happens when warm water vapour meets a cold attic: the water condensates and will leak through the taped connection. My DH just replaced the flexible ducts and installed some good hard plastic ducts, in an angle towards the ceiling vent. Problem solved for a very low price.

[workin-on-muh-stash]

Second issue. While up in the attic, the bathroom vents are run 35 feet and duct taped to the vents on the exterior wall. One was disconnected and as a result was leaking water into the attic all over the place. I got about a litre of water out of the flexible duct. So that’s a little easier to fix, but it’s infuriating that someone felt duct tape was how to do this???  Assholes throwing problems down the field.  What else did they do that was wrong?

Crazy that a home inspector missed this. You're right, if they missed that, then what else will you find. At the very least I'd compile a list of things they missed. Document it. Take photos. Try and get money back from them. Share with your real estate agent. Did your agent recommend the inspector? Perhaps get them to pay for another home inspector at least for peace of mind - you'll know what has to be fixed moving forward. Make a fuss and people will hopefully respond.

I feel your pain. Our current house has been a bit of a nightmare of hidden costs and unanticipated expenses. From now on I will probably find it very difficult to trust people involved in our local real estate market. We've been burned too many times by too many people.

I suffer from misophonia as well. Specifically, regularly repeating extremely loud noises that I have no control over and cannot block out with white noise, music, etc. I get so angry I see red, blood pressure goes nuts, grit my teeth, want to break shit. It's bad. Most people will absolutely never understand this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If you have these loud noises right around your house you feel trapped, stuck, both physically and financially. It's not just the noise, but the principle of the thing. It's infuriating that people can have so little regard for others around them.
As goofy as it sounds, it's nice to see on a thread like this that we aren't alone. I wish there were "quiet" neighborhoods with special rules and construction techniques.

We visited our current house at all hours of night and day, several times before purchasing, just listening, walking around. It seemed unbelievably quiet. Well, wouldn't you know it. Too good to be true.

One neighbor directly across the street has what appears to be large German shepherd mixes. The people have converted their carport into a sitting area and have a fence blocking the part where cars would pull in. So the dogs sit in there on the cool concrete floor in the shade. Problem is, they just want to be with their people who are inside. So they bark. all. damn. day. as loud as carhorns, which is amplified by the carport and directed like a giant speaker-cone directly at our living room and bedroom windows.

About 15-20 feet away next door is a vet surgeon who has a Beagle with separation anxiety. She works very long hours. The poor dog barks like a car alarm, steadily, about every ten seconds, almost the entire time the owner is away. Thankfully he is crated inside and we can't quite hear him inside our own house. But step outside in the yard or try and sit on the screen porch - and you will go back inside pretty quickly. We love it when our neighbors are home since that means the dog doesn't bark at all!

Another house across the street recently sold to what appears to be an extension of a local fraternity. They play pounding club music off and on, sometimes until 3AM on Saturdays. You can clearly hear it in every room of our house. No escaping it. Cops don't care. By the time they get there the kids have uber'ed downtown or the party has moved out into the backyard in the "chill out" phase (weed).

And apparently there is a bass car enthusiast nearby who loves to cruise around morning, noon, and night. Not kidding, the bass literally rattles our windows. Yet, I have never actually seen the car driving around. That's how loud it is - it's not even on our street but the force from those woofers rattles the damn windows. Crazy.

Anyways, you are not alone. I don't think there is anywhere that is truly noise-free these days. Inconsiderate people are everywhere. Even if you do thorough pre-purchase reconnaissance like we did, there are always surprises.

[kork]

Second issue. While up in the attic, the bathroom vents are run 35 feet and duct taped to the vents on the exterior wall. One was disconnected and as a result was leaking water into the attic all over the place. I got about a litre of water out of the flexible duct. So that’s a little easier to fix, but it’s infuriating that someone felt duct tape was how to do this???  Assholes throwing problems down the field.  What else did they do that was wrong?

regularly repeating extremely loud noises that I have no control over and cannot block out with white noise, music, etc. I get so angry I see red, blood pressure goes nuts, grit my teeth, want to break shit. It's bad. Most people will absolutely never understand this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If you have these loud noises right around your house you feel trapped, stuck, both physically and financially. It's not just the noise, but the principle of the thing. It's infuriating that people can have so little regard for others around them.

Yes, yes, YES!  That's exactly it. The feeling of trapped and stuck physically and financially.  This is contrary to FIRE (which is why many of us are here) and it conflicts. We bought the new home partly to lower ongoing expenses. So far, this is NOT the case.

We're in Canada. Hot summers, Cold, cold winters, weather that's demanding on houses and salt that's hard on cars. The ground freezes and ice dams up and causes flooding. So poorly built and poorly maintained homes end up becoming money pits trying to plug one hole after the other.  With our last home we finally managed to get it up to par. We did about $150k worth of reno's (both cosmetic and functional) to it but we were never going to change the location and an addition would be problematic in so many ways.

Our home represents a good chunk of our net worth and revealing issues that nobody else saw and the previous owners (who'm I've appropriately named Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum) were likely unaware of any of it.  We noticed a stain in the middle of the ceiling which they had never seen.  They brought out a plumber to investigate it was an old stain. What?  Really?  There was a stain on the ceiling and you didn't even notice it?

[begood]

Okay,  so just hung a finch bird feeder outside my window.  Hopefully will see some activity and wildlife (human or not) at some point. The thinking is that Birds may help me feel less isolated? Perhaps not much.  But a little.

Ironic how I'm trying to attract birds when part of my issue are crows.

A bird feeder is a great idea! Our feeders definitely help me feel like I've got company, and an external focus when I'm home by myself.

As a person who has worked from home and who hates disruptive noise, I have a couple of ideas/suggestions/anecdotal bits of data of things that have helped me:

1) Embrace that which you abhor. For me, it was geese. We have literally thousands of migrating geese that visit the fields and lake adjacent to my house for months over the winter. For the first couple of years, the goose chatter was like fingernails on a chalkboard, but then one day, I realized I was waiting for the geese to show up and start talking. And then it occurred to me that the geese were keeping me company during the day. And now I love the geese. I love to see them fly in and out, I love the chatter, and in a weird way, I feel part of their society since I see so much of it. The geese help me feel much less isolated.

2) If you just can't do that with the crows, then one trick I have used (on an obnoxiously loud and seemingly ever-present child of a friend) was to imagine that sound on a frequency that I then dialed down to zero. Like, I just didn't hear it anymore. Worth a try?

[kork]

I feel so defeated right now. A bit of a rant coming up.  Not sure how I'll feel in the morning, but today has been sh*t.

We had a new furnace and hot water tank installed today. The new furnace is just as loud (if not louder) than the old one (the ECM motor sounds like a freakin' train) and to make it much, much worse, there was a last minute change to have the vents in the back of the house rather than the side. That's right near the hot tub and they're loud. So now the one place that I was able to find peace at night is hammered by loud venting sounds of a new hot water tank and furnace.

And to make things worse, when they installed the furnace, they also broke the main water shut off valve and now it's leaking so I need to call the city to get them out to fix it since they'll need to shut off the water at the street.

And I've got someone coming over tomorrow to see why the ceiling has water issues. Just like workin-on-muh-stash said, stuck and trapped.

Oh yeah, and my job could end at any time. It's a big moving question mark that I was fine with before this house.  Now that this house seems to be capable of sucking money FAR BEYOND a reasonable SWR, it's making me very, very tense.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but f*ck me. I'm close to my wits end. Just waiting for the f*cking crows to wake me up after a restless night so I can start another day over and deal with it all again.

[pudding]

Hi Kork, you and me both!

I own a house on the west coast in Vancouver, I've had it for 11 years and it's always been a kind of 'almost a good thing, but never quite a good thing'

Like it sounds good on paper, detached home in east Vancouver neighbourhood.

But in reality it's been one thing after another for 11 years!  And I'm bothered by the noise too, and once it starts it's hard not to become 'hypervigilant' and then when it starts again it just drives me nuts!

And I have to say sometimes I wonder what my neighbours are thinking!  I had one next door neighbour that had a little yappy dog, that f'ing dog was on a leash outside their door and would 'yap, yap, yap' all day and everyday!

Then she sold it and the new family self built a house, it took them 3.5 years of banging and drilling and jackhammering, often on evenings and weekends.

Now I'm dealing with a neighbour who has started parking his landscaping truck in the lane and half blocks off the entry to my parking spot.

There was a guy with a souped up car that used to crank the engine at 6am and let it idle for 15 minutes each morning. He lived across the street but for some reason would park it outside my house! Politely asking him not to did not work.

Other neighbour had a clothes dryer that had a burned out motor, a family of 5 and when they did laundry which was usually on Sunday's it was hours of listening to this thing screech as the bearings ground together.

Before buying this house I used to live by the beach and downtown in the thick of things, and I really liked that. Up here in the burbs is so boring.

At the moment I'm seriously asking myself wtf am I doing!    I'm just not sure what I'd do next if I sold it.

Good luck with your dilemma!

[LouLou]

My scalp was itchy. It was so distracting! It started flaking. Kept getting itchier and itchier. I kept thinking about it, scratching it, looking at how bad it was getting. I was googling various scalp disorders and researching treatments. This went on for weeks. Finally, I bought some freaking dandruff shampoo. After a couple of uses, I feel so much better.

Why am I talking about my dandruff? Because it reminds me of this thread. You already know you have anxiety that veers into depression. Your posts are agitated. You are fixating on various noises, researching solutions to deal with birds, etc etc. You are feeling worse over time.

Call your doctor/therapist/whoever!

[workin-on-muh-stash]

Yes, yes, YES!  That's exactly it. The feeling of trapped and stuck physically and financially.  This is contrary to FIRE (which is why many of us are here) and it conflicts. We bought the new home partly to lower ongoing expenses. So far, this is NOT the case.

Yep, I feel like owning our particular house is in conflict with FIRE and the values that made me seek out and adopt that philosophy. I value financial security, free time, self-direction, etc. Owning a house that is constantly draining funds, taking up all spare time, and is in effect, dictating my schedule and priorities, seems to be in direct opposition to my stated values, thus setting up a scenario filled with frustration. Add in noisy neighbors and it can be downright depressing.

I guess I am also mad at myself for listening to my wife, friends, family, and real estate industry instead of trusting my instincts and saying no to purchasing a home. I'm not totally anti-ownership, but it's definitely not for everyone. There must be some deals out there in solid condition, good locations, with respectful neighbors. But I sure haven't found one yet.

One possibly helpful thing I have done is use a spreadsheet to track every single dollar of expenses related to purchasing, renovating, and maintaining vs our past decade of renting. Using a site like Zillow or Trulia can allow you to see sales in your area. It's worth keeping up with this data to see if you are headed towards having the most expensive house in your area. It can help with budgeting projects, prioritizing, etc. Getting some sort of control and timeline for projects can be empowering and calming. You can see a light at the end of the tunnel. We've almost reached the point where it doesn't make financial sense to continue to renovate. We have a few more projects left to do and then, outside of necessary repairs and maintenance, we'll leave some projects for the next owners to worry about.

I hope things improve for you. I find doing anything possible to simplify my life in other ways/areas helps a bunch. I just want less and less to worry about. For now, we have a house. Gotta deal with it. But I can reduce stress in other areas in the meantime.

[pdxmonkey]

I haven't read the complete thread, but my brain exploded when the OP thought moving would mean no birds. Where you gonna move that has no birds or different birds if you're still in the same area? I mean... Ducks ok. If you move away from the lake or point likely no ducks, but birds are everywhere. Learn to like birds.

[kork]

Don't mind birds.  Love birds.  What I don't like is like is crows screaming starting from 5am and going until the sun goes down. The issue is that I can hear them in the house they're screaming so loud.

[sol]

Don't mind birds.  Love birds.  What I don't like is like is crows

Crows are birds.  They do bird things, like make bird noises early in the morning.  It seems kind of silly to say "I love birds, I just hate it when they are birds."

Everyone in this thread has been pretty consistently giving you the same advice:  go see your mental health person, because the birds don't appear to be the real problem here.  Are you taking that advice?

[kork]

Don't mind birds.  Love birds.  What I don't like is like is crows

Crows are birds.  They do bird things, like make bird noises early in the morning.  It seems kind of silly to say "I love birds, I just hate it when they are birds."

Everyone in this thread has been pretty consistently giving you the same advice:  go see your mental health person, because the birds don't appear to be the real problem here.  Are you taking that advice?

Yeah, here's the thing though. I've had anxiety all my life and it's spilled into depression at times. But it's also been many years since I had it. I know when it's bad and when it's not.  I know when to seek help and look to medication such as Effexor, Wellbutrin, SSRI's, Xanax,  Lorazepam,  etc.

This time it's different.  All the other times were generalized towards feeling of uneasy and unpredictable.  "Will I find a job? Will I need to live on the street? What's next?"

As I approach FIRE, those fears no longer exist.  It's replaced with feelings of isolation or feeling like I'm no longer in control of anything.

As for birds, I'm allowed to love birds, but dislike a particular type of bird. I love vegetables,  hate broccoli.   I actually have bird feeders and bird houses. But these nasty crows that kill other birds babies, crow all morning and day and cause all sorts of ruckus while I'm in my home, are frustrating.  That said, I bought a drone and am now chasing them.

It's now a sport, for a while at least.  This isn’t me,  but someone’s got a tool to deal with the crows! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqHrTtvFFIs

With that said though, I made an appt. with my physician a couple weeks ago.  It's a 6 weeks waiting list to get in.  4 weeks to go.