I'm pressured to succeed - now I feel lazy

[NYCMustachian]

I've always felt a lot of pressure to succeed. This has been both an internal and external (parents, mentors) motivation. As a result, I've had much success in my life, for which I'm really grateful for. But now that I'm 28, married, in my own place and with a good job that allows me to save about 1/2 of what I take home, I feel done.

I don't feel the need to advance my career by taking on more schooling or taking a difficult but prestigious job. I've felt this way for the past two years or so.

Part of me feels like I'm being too lazy or apathetic about the whole thing. On the other hand, I'm loving life right now: I go put in my hours at a job I like (not love) and get home early enough to pursue other interests of mine that I love. On the other hand, I'm worried that one day I will wake up and feel unsatisfied with my career or mad at myself for giving up on it. But maybe thats still my parents talking.

Does anyone have any experience with these feelings? For those that retired early, do you or did you feel lazy when you made that choice? How did you get over it??

[Choices]

It's just about defining your goals. Is your goal to move up in career, to spend more time with friends and family, to work through your bucket list while you're still young and able to do all the things, or some combination of the above.

I too was very driven, but at some point it was enough. When I met my husband I was so glad he had no aspirations to be a regional manager and travel and be on call all the time. Our goals now are mostly not work-related, but we still feel satisfaction from learning new skills. We just finished painting our house and installing irrigation in our garden. We've also backpacked about 400 miles this summer. So there's still the drive and the energy, just directed elsewhere.

[FireLane]

In high school, I noticed that it's way easier to come in second than to come in first. You get 95% of the same rewards, but it only takes maybe half as much effort. It's a maxim that's served me well throughout life.

[Cyaphas]

I'm still trying to undo the stamp on my brain that I have to work all the time or I'm doing something wrong. I put in 40+ hours a week at my regular job and when I get off I feel like I need to be working on real estate or writing or exercising. It sucks that I can't just let myself play. I don't have a good answer for you. The best I can come up with is, looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself it's ok to do whatever you want, even if it's not what everyone else would approve of.

[former player]

You are 28, married, have you own home and earn twice what you spend to live on.  You have already succeeded.

No-one who is working full time while maintaining a home and a marriage can properly be described as lazy.

I agree that there is a combination of the protestant work ethic tied to notions of social status derived from work which provides an external driver to expectations of climbing the greasy ladder at work.  Recognise this for what it is, work to overcome your social conditioning and do not succumb.  Far too many do and then spend the rest of their lives making themselves, their families and their co-workers miserable while destroying the efficiency and effectiveness of their workplace.

[faramund]

Maybe I have something to add..

I've never really wanted to strive at work.. I've always had an attitude of do well the things I'm asked to do, but don't go for promotions or try to find extra things to do, but given that I've probably risen through the various ranks at about the same rate as everyone else.

Now though.. I'm really bored by work, its certainly not bad or unpleasant, its just ho hum, so now I'm counting down the 5 years until I'm FIREd (I'm now 46).

So I sometimes think, was there an alternate path, if I'd really pushed myself to do interesting things at work, would I have had a much more satisfying career, I really don't know, but in retrospect, I think that one of the probable costs of not being motivated at work, is that you end up in a boring position.

[IndyPendent]

You are 28, married, have you own home and earn twice what you spend to live on.  You have already succeeded.

No-one who is working full time while maintaining a home and a marriage can properly be described as lazy.

I agree that there is a combination of the protestant work ethic tied to notions of social status derived from work which provides an external driver to expectations of climbing the greasy ladder at work.  Recognise this for what it is, work to overcome your social conditioning and do not succumb.  Far too many do and then spend the rest of their lives making themselves, their families and their co-workers miserable while destroying the efficiency and effectiveness of their workplace.

Wow, I needed to hear this today. I'm 33, with a wife with an autoimmune disease (100% at-home food prep, yay!), a rambunctious kid, and one on the way. I live on half my income, have a paid off house, and have attained a fairly rarified elevation with respect to my career. Over the last 5 years I've remodeled the interior of our house almost single-handed. I spent the entire Labor Day weekend either assisting my wife with her duties (e.g. cooking, cleaning), attending to Kid, or working on maintenance (caulking and repainting the trim on our house, preparing Kid #2 room). My PTO from work is often used for catching up on home maintenance.

And yet I fight the underlying, internal voice that says "You're lazy" when I sit down to read a book.

[Spitfire]

In high school, I noticed that it's way easier to come in second than to come in first. You get 95% of the same rewards, but it only takes maybe half as much effort. It's a maxim that's served me well throughout life.

I'm with this guy. I found the best salary I could get while giving minimum effort in a comfortable environment. Pushing ahead to FIRE one lazy day at a time.

OP if you are happy with life and saving 50%+ of your income I don't see any problem with being content/comfortable in your job. A higher achieving career could also bring extra hours and stress that might leave you too tired to enjoy your hobbies and family, which is not good either.

[asauer]

Thanks for this.  I think western society in general has such a twisted view of what success is and we're spoon fed that from birth.  Especially those of us raised in hard-working German farm families. 

I went 100 miles an hour since starting college to get where I am.  Now, I've gotten to this place in my career where I'm like, ok, I'm done.  I'm  at the highest level of non-managerial contributor (no thank you to being a manager) and make 100k. I like my job about 60% of the time.  I'm good but every now and then there is that nagging at the back of my brain that says I should be pushing it further.  Like you, I need to create some new goals that don't have much to do with work.

[undercover]

You "feel" lazy only because that's the perception that you think society would have on you for feeling the way you do. Truth is, you just feel content and want to enjoy your moment in time for a while. There's really no such thing as "lazy" as it's all relative. I think we're all lazy in comparison to Elon Musk, since I don't think anyone works harder than him, but then again, do we care? Conversely, there's plenty of people who've done way less than you and who's day looks a lot simpler. You'd be considered more active than them. Again, it's all relative - we all fall on a spectrum and it's really nothing we can control. So, just live your life.

I think everyone lives their life as a consumer and a producer. Sometimes, you just have to stop producing so much and be a consumer. That type of luxury was mostly unheard of for the majority of our human existence, so why not take advantage of it? Why be the one constantly pushing forward? Others will do it.

In truth, I don't think any specific individual is strictly type A or type B. Personally, I've gone through both during my life. You probably will too. It's no big deal.

[goalphish2002]

This is one reason why I think I will delete LinkedIn from my phone.  I check to see updates for jobs but mostly just read about how others are supposedly "hustlin'" all day and becoming better paid, better leaders, better everything, etc...  Even when I want to relax, I feel guilty because I'm not constantly bettering myself.

I am married, have a 2 year old child, graduating with my masters this fall, and work full time.  I also exercise 4-5 days a week. 

[Northwestie]

Everyone has different priorities.  But if you are going to be working for a bit more you might just want to figure out how to keep your brain stimulated.  Some folks have more stamina for being bored and plowing through 5, 10, or more years being bored at work and putting priorities elsewhere.  That would drive me bonkers in a week.

So - maybe it doesn't mean climbing the ladder non-stop, but figuring out what you like to do best - and doing that for the length of time you wish to keep working.  Cheers.

[soccerluvof4]

yea, I lost my 20's, 30's and 40's for the most part feeling that way, I was so afraid to fail! ....My advice don't be like I was.