I totally get the Mint thing -- I used to track meticulously, but when I got married, DH had no patience or interest in that, so we'd end up with hundreds of dollars a month of disappearing cash. And it was easier to give up than keep pushing.
What I have learned: don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. My DH's approach was to guesstimate what the cash was going to be used for when he visited the ATM -- e.g., "ok, I got $100, so that will probably be $40 on lunches, $20 at CVS, and another $40 for a movie with DW this weekend." I thought that was too imprecise and demanded receipts -- but I couldn't force a grown-ass man to do it my way, just because I said so. So I ended up getting frustrated and pitching the whole thing instead of taking the approach that would have covered 98% of what we needed. (Side note: this is what my Grandma would have called "cutting off your nose to spite your face.")
To get started: Pick one thing, do it; then pick another, do that. Don't worry about making the "right" choice! How much you save/invest is infinitely more important to your ultimate success than picking exactly the "right" fund or vehicle. So right now, just focus on getting going in any way you can. Because there's nothing like realizing how easy something was to remove the fear that is paralyzing you.
E.g.: I am going to be totally heretical and suggest you not start with expense tracking. Why? You've already explained that you get sucked into the minutiae, which just reinforces your tendency to sit-and-spin instead of taking action (ask me how I know). Right now, you are looking for the easiest, low-hanging fruit out there, the kind that drops into your hand as you walk under the tree.
1. Are you contributing to your 401(k) up to the match? If not, go in to HR today -- right now -- and fill out the forms to increase your contribution to the match. Don't know what to invest in? Pick a broad market index fund with the lowest cost, or a target-date retirement fund. Again: the amount you put in, and the amount you keep after expenses, is way, way, way more important than "should I choose the Fidelity S&P 500 index or the Vanguard Total Stock Market Index?" You don't need to overthink this. You will come back to this later, I promise.
2. Do you have an emergency fund? If not, go to your bank's website and open a savings account associated with your checking account. Set up an automatic withdrawal that you can afford -- if you have CC debt (see below), maybe that's $50/mo.; if not, maybe more. You need at least a few grand in accessible cash.
3. Do you have credit card debt? Throw whatever you have above your EF to getting that paid off ASAP. Start with the highest interest rate card -- pay the minimums on the others, and throw everything else at the big one. Once that's done, add that money to the next one. Etc.
4. Once you have 1-3 covered: go look at your 401(k) again. Do you have extra money you can afford to invest? E.g., all that money you had been throwing at the CCs? If so, go in to HR and increase that until you get up to the federal max.
5. Once you hit the federal max: do you have student loans or other debt with interest rates over 4%? If so, snowball those puppies like you did the CCs. [Note: if your other loans are above 6-7%, you may want to swap the order of 4 and 5] Any loans that are 4% or below, just let it ride and pay off on the normal schedule.
6. Now, do you still have money left to invest? If so, jump on the Vanguard website, set up an account, and set up an automatic monthly withdrawal into their Total Stock Market Index. If that "feels" too aggressive, put it in one of their target date funds that corresponds to your desired FIRE date.
Note that everything except the debt payoff is low-effort, high-return: once you set things up, they generally happen automatically without you having to DO anything (sloth ftw!).
Expense tracking: yes, you should do it. But set that aside until you have a couple of wins under your belt -- if you have debt and no 401(k), do it after step 3; if you have the 401(k) covered, do it after 5-6. If Mint wasn't user-friendly enough to make it quick and easy, try YNAB or some other option. Figure out some method that will work for both you AND your wife -- some happy medium, even if that has to include some generic category for "DW unaccounted for." Limit yourself to a particular amount of time every week, so you don't get sucked too far down that rabbit hole, i.e., "I will do the best I can to get this updated in 1 hour."
Finally: yes, read investing books and blogs in your spare time. Just don't kid yourself that reading is "action." As you learn more, you can use that knowledge to tackle the more complex issues, like do you qualify for an IRA/Roth and which one's best, what is the best asset allocation for your age and risk tolerance, etc. Maybe set aside a few hours every month or so to look at a particular issue and decide whether to change anything. But, again, if you are socking away as much as you can in VTSAX or the equivalent, you've already got 90% of it covered. The rest is just gravy.