The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: cavewoman on December 27, 2015, 05:13:36 PM
-
edit: I changed the thread title. Your encouragement (and my regularly oscillating flippy floppy brain) have convinced me to try/think about planning a small ceremony. I'm hoping more people will jump in with their stories of short-term wedding planning.
My boyfriend and I decided to get married this June. We aren't telling anyone yet and I'm so excited so I came here to tell you guys!
We live in California, and my folks are coming out this June for my 30th bday. I don't even know exactly how it came up but we figure it would be a perfect time to do it. At first I wanted a ceremony and to invite my friends. . . that wish lasted only yesterday. Today I woke up and realized that I just want to be the wife of my best friend. I need my parents there, but my friends all live far away and I really only wanted them to come so they didn't get mad at me. Logistically it would be madness to try to plan a ceremony in six months!
So I've decided on a courthouse wedding. All I've ever wanted out of a wedding was for my dad to walk me down the aisle. Later, when we've bought a house, I'd love to throw a huge party.
The funniest part is that he hasn't even proposed yet! Of course that's not required, but I love surprises. Even surprises that I know are coming!
-
Six months is plenty of time to plan a little ceremony so you can still walk down the aisle with your father. Have the wedding at a park.
-
He is going to walk me down the aisle! I might not have worded it well, but the 6 months to plan thing was in regards to trying to invite my friends. It just kept growing, you know? "Well if we invite Mary, then Steve will come of course and then we may as well ask Jimmy too" kind of thing. And my friends would have a hard time saving for a trip in a short time. My Dad, Mom, and step Dad are already coming out.
And not that there is any rush but. . . if I wait until I can have my dream wedding (not huge, just mine, you know?) Then we'd have to wait a long time. I've been struggling lately with wanting to get married and throw a party, and buy a house/property, and have a baby, and I can have it all just not at the same time.
Not to mention (this is morbid) I lost my fiance 5 years ago when he was killed in Afghanistan. We were going to get married when he got back, so we could do the whole big thing. And life is precious and short and what if something happened to my dad? This line of thinking may not be rational but I'm not a robot, so there you have it.
I'M JUST EXCITED. can't tell anyone yet.
-
Very exciting! Congrats!!
My fiancé (wife) and I planned out wedding 3 months out! My friends and family are all over the country, hers are far as well. We got legally married about a week ago for tax purposes but the "wedding" is this week.
The good thing about everyone being far away is no one really feels as obligated as come, less people will come, and you don't feel bad about those who don't make it. We're having around 40-50 people for ours, we just told everyone, "we understand there's a short notice and the location isn't ideal for everyone so we totally understand if you can't make it."
It made it really easy. If we made it where her family lived we'd have 100 people easy just on her side, HUGE family. Is doing it 1500 miles from them kept it so only the most important attended.
Again, congrats and I totally understand your thought process. So sorry to hear about your last fiancé, very sad.
One other thing I will add, while we didn't care too much about a wedding as we've lived together for 3 years, I just look at it as getting all my closes friends and family together and throwing a huge party. My family doesn't get together a ton so weddings are the best time to do such.
-
Congrats to you as well! 3 months, holy moly!! I'm mighty impressed with that. I want exactly what you are taking about (huge party w friends and family) but I envision doing a belated reception/house warming on our own property (when we find it, Lol). I want the marriage before the wedding, ha-ha.
-
Congratulations! I am cheering for you :). And a little ceremony can be as charming -or even better- than a big one! I was at the wedding of my best friend this summer, who only invited the 'witnesses' at the wedding -it is obligatory in the Netherlands to have 2-4 witnesses-. We spend a great afternoon hanging out at a theater festival 'parade'!
*I also will be getting married in 2016, in July. Nothing planned yet except for the small venue next to our house, so that immediately limits guests to 30.
-
My now husband and I planned a ceremony in seven months in Manhattan. If it's what you want, it's totally doable. Could you just invite maybe 5 or 10 close friends out, make clear that you would love to see them, but make no pressure, then get married in a park or courthouse and take folks out to dinner? groups of 20-25 are not that hard to plan for.
and congrats!
-
That's awesome! I hope it's joyful and wonderful for you guys! If you're looking for websites, I humbly suggest A Practical Wedding. Just google that phrase. It. Is. AMAZING. It has tons of courthouse weddings, small weddings, elopements, big weddings, and articles on "how we did it" so when you see that super cool thing you can figure out how to make it happen. It also has advice to sticky questions, lots of encouragement to do your own thing, and general encouragement.
-
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
-
OP wrote "My boyfriend and I decided to get married this June. We aren't telling anyone yet and I'm so excited so I came here to tell you guys!"
So I am guessing he has proposed, in that during some conversation they agreed to get married this June, he just hasn't done the staged "get down on one knee with a ring she may or may not like and propose all fakey for photos" thing. Cynical? Moi? Non, non.
OP, please clarify?
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
-
Congrats! If you need help fielding questions about choosing a wedding photographer let me know, I may be working on a blog post about that subject.
-
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
She said they decided to get married. I think that's how all my (late 20s in NYC) friends did it, and some followed up with a proposal and some didn't. I, for one, didn't want a proposal or a ring, we settled on a simple no-diamond ~100 dollar thing. Lots of people are engaged without having had a proposal.
-
So, I'm taking it that a "proposal" means something more here than "Will you marry me?". It's some kind of ceremony?
-
Deciding to get married: Discussions about the future, confirming intentions to move down the road toward marriage, even at times discussing a timeline. Mutually agreeing that both people are interested in being married and general future plans around that. Depending on the relationship this then moves on to the typical proposal.
Proposal: one member of the couple, usually the guy if a heterosexual couple, buys a ring for his girlfriend/fiance and officially asks her to marry him. There may or may not be a really nice date/event tied to this event, and there may or may not be other people (family, close friends) who are "in on it" and asked to take pictures of the moment.
Generally total surprise proposals don't happen. I had no idea when DH would propose specifically, but I knew it would be in the spring, because we had discussed it. We also had plans to get married a year later in the summer. I also had sent him ring ideas because he is very traditional and wanted to buy it and plan a really nice date to propose and get down on one knee, and I wanted to like the ring that would be on my finger every day. We had decided to get married and even discussed "summer" for a date to aim for well before a proposal. If we hadn't discussed those things first I wouldn't have been comfortable saying "yes" to his proposal. A lot of couples decide to get married before one/both of them go ring shopping/proposal planning. Sometimes people call this the "pre-engaged" state.
-
Six months is plenty of time to plan a little ceremony so you can still walk down the aisle with your father. Have the wedding at a park.
++
6 months is tons of time if you just want to get married with friends there, rather than the whole commercialized production.
Hell, get a friend ordained and have them perform the wedding. Provide them with a script. I have performed about 10 weddings for friends and family.
-
OP wrote "My boyfriend and I decided to get married this June. We aren't telling anyone yet and I'm so excited so I came here to tell you guys!"
So I am guessing he has proposed, in that during some conversation they agreed to get married this June, he just hasn't done the staged "get down on one knee with a ring she may or may not like and propose all fakey for photos" thing. Cynical? Moi? Non, non.
OP, please clarify?
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
Sorry OP, but this gets me. What if she had said "do you want to marry me?". What if they mutually have had discussions about marriage and in the middle of those discussions figured out they're both ready to take the next step? That may or may not be proposing, and sometimes people take that as being engaged. It doesn't have to be the guy asking the question. In this situation the proposal seems like it'll involve a ring and nice date/event. Most people are planning to get married by the time a proposal comes around.
/rant over
-
Deciding to get married: Discussions about the future, confirming intentions to move down the road toward marriage, even at times discussing a timeline. Mutually agreeing that both people are interested in being married and general future plans around that. Depending on the relationship this then moves on to the typical proposal.
Proposal: one member of the couple, usually the guy if a heterosexual couple, buys a ring for his girlfriend/fiance and officially asks her to marry him. There may or may not be a really nice date/event tied to this event, and there may or may not be other people (family, close friends) who are "in on it" and asked to take pictures of the moment.
I see. Our "proposal" was just lumped in with our "deciding to get married". I didn't buy wife a diamond because that's a huge, ridiculous waste of money. I took her to Fiji instead.
-
I see. Our "proposal" was just lumped in with our "deciding to get married". I didn't buy wife a diamond because that's a huge, ridiculous waste of money. I took her to Fiji instead.
To be fair, neither option will increase your net worth, though, you could at least resell the diamond for some tiny fraction of what you spent, so it wouldn't be a total loss, like the trip to Fiji was. (Experience value excluded)
:)
-
Congratulations! We got engaged last October, were married in June and are now expecting our first baby!
We also talked about our timeline before it became official, and I had already saved money for the ceremony (as my parents couldn't pay more than the gas money to get there). If you haven't saved that, it may be more practical to have a court house wedding. Also, my husband proposed with an heirloom ring that just cost $40 to resize. Best choice ever!!!
Be careful or it could really happen all at once. I think there is plenty of time to plan a little ceremony if that is what you want. Another idea is you could do a traveling reception. My cousin did this where he and his wife traveled for a month after their wedding to meet all of his family since we were all spread across the country.
-
I see. Our "proposal" was just lumped in with our "deciding to get married". I didn't buy wife a diamond because that's a huge, ridiculous waste of money. I took her to Fiji instead.
To be fair, neither option will increase your net worth, though, you could at least resell the diamond for some tiny fraction of what you spent, so it wouldn't be a total loss, like the trip to Fiji was. (Experience value excluded)
:)
Before purchase, most people dramatically undervalue experience and over-value "stuff."
-
I planned a courthouse wedding in two weeks this summer (10 guests, restaurant lunch after), and then spent 2.5 months planning a reception for 45 people. It was fun, and we came in just under budget ($5k). Excellent food, drink, and cake was a priority for us, which is where most of the money went. Not bad for NYC!
-
Congrats! If I may suggest something, my wife and I used an Excel spreadsheet to be able to quickly do math on various costs for our event from the facility fee to bartenders as well as tax costs (which can be add-up). We then put the spreadsheet on DropBox to easily share and update it. Another tab was used to track RSVPs.
I realize you're planning a courthouse wedding, but should things change and you do some sort of reception I thought I'd at least offer my 2 cents.
-
Congrats! We planned out wedding in...2 weeks. And by "planned" I mean I didn't know there was a cake until I showed up :) Originally we were going to get married after DH got done with basic training, AIT, and jump school which would take 9 months. Then his recruiter explained how much extra (tax free) money he'd get if we were married so we decided since we were planning on doing it anyway why not? Originally we were going to do a small ceremony with just close family then doing a more traditional one later but we never got around to the traditional one. My sister eloped and planned for a reception/party later with friends and family but that never happened either. We are a highly introverted family though so no big surprise there. My dad said my wedding was his favorite one ever since it was so laid back and stress-free. After hearing others planning weddings I'm so glad we never did a traditional one
A surprise wedding! That sounds amazing. I can definitely understand how it can end up that the reception never happens ... I'm probably going to change my mind about 1500 times in the next few weeks on what we should do, but I know it will be pretty small.
-
Congratulations! I am cheering for you :). And a little ceremony can be as charming -or even better- than a big one! I was at the wedding of my best friend this summer, who only invited the 'witnesses' at the wedding -it is obligatory in the Netherlands to have 2-4 witnesses-. We spend a great afternoon hanging out at a theater festival 'parade'!
*I also will be getting married in 2016, in July. Nothing planned yet except for the small venue next to our house, so that immediately limits guests to 30.
Congratulations to you too! I want to hear more about the magical venue that happens to be right next to your house! That sounds awesome!
Congrats! If I may suggest something, my wife and I used an Excel spreadsheet to be able to quickly do math on various costs for our event from the facility fee to bartenders as well as tax costs (which can be add-up). We then put the spreadsheet on DropBox to easily share and update it. Another tab was used to track RSVPs.
I realize you're planning a courthouse wedding, but should things change and you do some sort of reception I thought I'd at least offer my 2 cents.
This is a great idea. I wish that places were more upfront about pricing, and that you didn't have to do a whole "request for proposal" thing just to get a price range. But I should definitely look into this ... as said on the other reply, I'm apt to change my mind frequently and I've already spent some time looking at possible venues for a small ceremony and reception.
I planned a courthouse wedding in two weeks this summer (10 guests, restaurant lunch after), and then spent 2.5 months planning a reception for 45 people. It was fun, and we came in just under budget ($5k). Excellent food, drink, and cake was a priority for us, which is where most of the money went. Not bad for NYC!
That's great! There is a restaurant near us that is an old schoolhouse that I've though would be great for a small ceremony and dinner reception. 5k is definitely not too bad for NYC!!! and TWO WEEKS is insanity! But awesome. It would cut down on my mind changing for sure.
Congratulations! We got engaged last October, were married in June and are now expecting our first baby!
We also talked about our timeline before it became official, and I had already saved money for the ceremony (as my parents couldn't pay more than the gas money to get there). If you haven't saved that, it may be more practical to have a court house wedding. Also, my husband proposed with an heirloom ring that just cost $40 to resize. Best choice ever!!!
Be careful or it could really happen all at once. I think there is plenty of time to plan a little ceremony if that is what you want. Another idea is you could do a traveling reception. My cousin did this where he and his wife traveled for a month after their wedding to meet all of his family since we were all spread across the country.
It feels like a downhill ride for sure. And I would love to do a travelling reception! That sounds like a dream, I love love road trips. Since we made the decision, I've thought "holy crap, we should definitely just wait until we have more saved or have bought a house". But as a worrier, I just want to get the formal part done already. And congrats on your baby!
-
That's awesome! I hope it's joyful and wonderful for you guys! If you're looking for websites, I humbly suggest A Practical Wedding. Just google that phrase. It. Is. AMAZING. It has tons of courthouse weddings, small weddings, elopements, big weddings, and articles on "how we did it" so when you see that super cool thing you can figure out how to make it happen. It also has advice to sticky questions, lots of encouragement to do your own thing, and general encouragement.
That's funny, I stumbled on that website just the other day! I've been a lurker on another good one, OffBeat Bride, for some time. I'm not even the girl who has dreamed about the wedding since I was young, I just am interested in things. Like, I also read parenting articles and magazines even though I don't have a kid yet.
-
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
You could save the snark for another thread if you like. :)
Or brush up on your reading skills. Yes, we talked about it, but no, he hasn't proposed yet. For many, the proposal isn't even needed. And that's fine. To each (couple) their own. But I fucking love surprises, and my boyfriend knows this. So yeah, he's going to propose at some point. The fun part is not knowing when!
-
OP wrote "My boyfriend and I decided to get married this June. We aren't telling anyone yet and I'm so excited so I came here to tell you guys!"
So I am guessing he has proposed, in that during some conversation they agreed to get married this June, he just hasn't done the staged "get down on one knee with a ring she may or may not like and propose all fakey for photos" thing. Cynical? Moi? Non, non.
OP, please clarify?
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
Lol, maybe a little cynical ... but I'm not hoping for any fakey photo things, or youtube sensations. It could be while we are in sweats on the couch (like now). I'd actually prefer it to be when its just the two of us.
-
Congrats! If you need help fielding questions about choosing a wedding photographer let me know, I may be working on a blog post about that subject.
This could actually be super helpful, thanks! If I end up on the side of small ceremony, invite my friends, I'll definitely want a photographer.
-
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
She said they decided to get married. I think that's how all my (late 20s in NYC) friends did it, and some followed up with a proposal and some didn't. I, for one, didn't want a proposal or a ring, we settled on a simple no-diamond ~100 dollar thing. Lots of people are engaged without having had a proposal.
nailed it! and I'm 29 :)
He knows I'm not into diamonds either. Definitely something simple and not too expensive. I don't typically wear jewelry.
-
Deciding to get married: Discussions about the future, confirming intentions to move down the road toward marriage, even at times discussing a timeline. Mutually agreeing that both people are interested in being married and general future plans around that. Depending on the relationship this then moves on to the typical proposal.
Proposal: one member of the couple, usually the guy if a heterosexual couple, buys a ring for his girlfriend/fiance and officially asks her to marry him. There may or may not be a really nice date/event tied to this event, and there may or may not be other people (family, close friends) who are "in on it" and asked to take pictures of the moment.
Generally total surprise proposals don't happen. I had no idea when DH would propose specifically, but I knew it would be in the spring, because we had discussed it. We also had plans to get married a year later in the summer. I also had sent him ring ideas because he is very traditional and wanted to buy it and plan a really nice date to propose and get down on one knee, and I wanted to like the ring that would be on my finger every day. We had decided to get married and even discussed "summer" for a date to aim for well before a proposal. If we hadn't discussed those things first I wouldn't have been comfortable saying "yes" to his proposal. A lot of couples decide to get married before one/both of them go ring shopping/proposal planning. Sometimes people call this the "pre-engaged" state.
also nailed it. I didn't know it would be so confusing for some :)
I also don't know how anyone can propose without having some idea that marriage is in the cards. That sounds absolutely terrifying!
-
Six months is plenty of time to plan a little ceremony so you can still walk down the aisle with your father. Have the wedding at a park.
++
6 months is tons of time if you just want to get married with friends there, rather than the whole commercialized production.
Hell, get a friend ordained and have them perform the wedding. Provide them with a script. I have performed about 10 weddings for friends and family.
Sorry for the serial posting, I wish I knew how to add more quotes from previous pages into one reply!
I'm starting to lean more towards this. We met at our job in a National Forest (that's tucked into a National Park) and I think we could even talk to our old boss and get married there! It's a beautiful place, and one of my favorite places.
-
OP wrote "My boyfriend and I decided to get married this June. We aren't telling anyone yet and I'm so excited so I came here to tell you guys!"
So I am guessing he has proposed, in that during some conversation they agreed to get married this June, he just hasn't done the staged "get down on one knee with a ring she may or may not like and propose all fakey for photos" thing. Cynical? Moi? Non, non.
OP, please clarify?
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
Sorry OP, but this gets me. What if she had said "do you want to marry me?". What if they mutually have had discussions about marriage and in the middle of those discussions figured out they're both ready to take the next step? That may or may not be proposing, and sometimes people take that as being engaged. It doesn't have to be the guy asking the question. In this situation the proposal seems like it'll involve a ring and nice date/event. Most people are planning to get married by the time a proposal comes around.
/rant over
No apology needed! :) You got it right, and like some other posters said (including Louisville) the discussion about getting married is what means they are engaged. My boyfriend is traditional, and wants to talk to my Dad before he asks. And I'm a sucker for surprises, and it's a pretty good thing that he knows that and understood that even though we set a timeline, that I would still love the proposal, in terms of the ring and declaration of love and commitment that may or may not occur when he is down on one knee.
Just a final thanks to all who gave congratulations and encouragement!
-
Congrats! we got married this march with a small ceremony and a bigger party across the country this year, 4 months after we bought and renovated a house. the trick is to not buy into all the wedding magazine crap and do what makes you happy. we were able to have a great local to us party for 25 of our closest friends and family by controlling costs, making our own decorations, wearing a suit I already had, etc. then had to go back home to PA to celebrate (parents pretty much insisted) but we did a pig roast. Flew up a few days early and set the tables, cut veggies, moved furniture, all ourselves. With all expenses considered and getting gifts (registered for Lowes and home depot cards to work on the house) we pretty much broke even. It can be done for sure.
-
Congrats! we got married this march with a small ceremony and a bigger party across the country this year, 4 months after we bought and renovated a house. the trick is to not buy into all the wedding magazine crap and do what makes you happy. we were able to have a great local to us party for 25 of our closest friends and family by controlling costs, making our own decorations, wearing a suit I already had, etc. then had to go back home to PA to celebrate (parents pretty much insisted) but we did a pig roast. Flew up a few days early and set the tables, cut veggies, moved furniture, all ourselves. With all expenses considered and getting gifts (registered for Lowes and home depot cards to work on the house) we pretty much broke even. It can be done for sure.
This thread is becoming very encouraging! Changing the title to maybe get more stories from people who planned a small ceremony in a short time. Thanks!!
-
My husband and I married about 2.5 months after we got engaged, and I was out of the country for about 2 weeks of that time. The wedding and reception were at my church, which fortunately was available on the date we wanted. I borrowed a dress and (with permission) had it altered to fit me. My new sister-in-law did the photography. We had the wedding and reception in the afternoon, timed so we could serve cake, snacks, and drinks instead of a full meal. For the cake, we had a friend pick up sheet cakes in various flavors from a nearby bakery. I don't remember how many people came; I think it was 100-150.
It helped that my husband is a teacher and was on summer break for most of the engagement: He decided he cared, somewhat, about the decorations and did most of the planning for those.
It was a busy summer, but the short timeline didn't seem like a major problem. We cared more about getting married in front of our family and friends than about having a "perfect wedding."
-
I planned my son's wedding in 2 months because she was waiting for her visa from Poland and once she got here they had to be married within 3 months. My son wanted to make sure they had extra time and be married in 2. They got married in a park and the reception was outside in our backyard since it was warm. We rented a big tent in cased it rained. We made some of the food and had some catered. WE had 30 people and some came from far a way. I also rented nice fancy dishes, glassware that they delivered. I made all the table centerpieces myself and bought all the tablecloths, napkins, because I found a great deal online. It was a great wedding and not very expensive. I hired a photographer where it was his side line. He did an awesome job and was a lot cheaper then a full time one. You definitely have time to have a nice, inexpensive wedding and people can decide for themselves if they want to make the trip. A friend make the cake for the wedding gift.
-
For the loved ones who live farther away and may not be able to attend, see if you can stream the ceremony online so they can watch and still be involved in the day (though remotely).
You can put together a nice wedding quite quickly. I learned early on to just avoid spending time on places that make you request pricing (invariably expensive, if you are aiming for small and non-extravagant). Others have mentioned good online resources. There is a wealth of great information and advice available online regarding weddings.
Apples - it is amazing the rigid gender roles and old-fashioned ideas that persist around proposals and weddings. I consider DH and I to be pretty open-minded and modern, but we struggled in this area. I did ask if he would be all right if I did the official proposal. He replied that he would say "yes", but would be disappointed in himself for not doing the asking. Silly, right? But I have to admit that I would have had persistent feelings of failure as a woman, for not "getting" a proposal (also incredibly outdated and sexist. It shames me to admit it at all.) Our social attitudes towards this stuff are rooted in values that haven't yet caught up with the times (like brides still being "given away".)
-
I started planning my April 1985 wedding in December of 1984. It helped picking April, as that is not as popular of a month with venues as June is. Found a justice of the peace, had the ceremony and reception at a country club for 60ish people, found the musicians through a local music school, sister did the flowers, and skipped a lot of the other BS (ie cake, lots of attendants). Told my sister to get a dress she liked (as opposed to one I liked). I went on my lunch hour to buy a wedding dress off the rack (they were getting rid of last years models, like I would know a wedding dress was "last year" LOL) and had it altered since I'm short.
So its entirely doable, provided you don't buy into the script of having to have a standard wedding. You'll need to be more creative about venues in June, as the traditional wedding type venues will already likely be booked. We also got married on a Sunday, which was cheaper and more available than the traditional Saturday evening reception.
-
I planned my wedding in two months. The key is not to procrastinate! Make a list of what needs to be done, and then do it.
You can actually get a lot done in a very short period of time.
-
Did you say "he hasn't proposed yet"? As in, you're planning to marry him but he doesn't know about it yet?
You could save the snark for another thread if you like. :)
Or brush up on your reading skills. Yes, we talked about it, but no, he hasn't proposed yet. For many, the proposal isn't even needed. And that's fine. To each (couple) their own. But I fucking love surprises, and my boyfriend knows this. So yeah, he's going to propose at some point. The fun part is not knowing when!
Confusion, not snark, but I've been enlightened since.
-
Sorry for the serial posting, I wish I knew how to add more quotes from previous pages into one reply!
I'm starting to lean more towards this. We met at our job in a National Forest (that's tucked into a National Park) and I think we could even talk to our old boss and get married there! It's a beautiful place, and one of my favorite places.
I love this idea - how beautiful AND special in so many ways!
As for planning a wedding - 6 months is a lot of time. We planned TWO standard weddings/receptions with all the usual trimmings in 2-3 months. We ended up deciding to have our weddings/receptions in two different countries (three if you count the courthouse wedding we did with no witnesses simply for paperwork reasons) to make it easier for our friends/families. I'm so glad we did - I got to have my wedding surrounded by my family with my dad walking me down the aisle. My DH got to have his wedding with his 2 childhood best friends standing up with him and surrounded by his family.
That said, like you pointed out - it's not a lot of time for your friends to save. Still, you might want to consider inviting them and let them decide, while reassuring them that it is not a command performance.
-
Congratulations.
First, June is five months away, so a "short time" is relative. My wife insisted we have an entire year to plan, but later admitted we only needed a couple of months. Its only as complicated as you make it.
-
I think there are all sort of city-specific blogs for concrete planning tips, but I think the really big things are:
- Only focus on things you care about.
- Don't let anyone else tell you to care about other things.
- Take care of the things you don't care of in as little time as possible, so you can focus on what you do care about.
Figure out a couple things that are important to you and write them down somewhere big. Don't let the list get bigger. If you don't care about your dress, go buy one this weekend and take it in to be tailored in a few months when it's closer to the date. Don't let your sister complain that she wants to come and make a day of it and watch you try it on with your cousins and mother in law. It's your wedding, don't let other people dictate how you spend your time or take time away from the items you really do care about.
Very few people are passionate about napkin colors but the industry and gender norms and your family will try to convince you that you do. Don't buy it.
-
We had a 34 person wedding in my parent's backyard last June. I planned the whole thing, essentially, in one month of winter break, as I was in nursing school at the time. I HIGHLY recommend "A Practical Wedding" if you haven't been on there.
Here their index for getting started: http://apracticalwedding.com/get-started-wedding-planning/ (http://apracticalwedding.com/get-started-wedding-planning/)
I really like these articles:
Your Wedding Is Not A Show: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/your-wedding-is-not-show/ (http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/your-wedding-is-not-show/)
Your Wedding Is Not an Imposition: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/you-guys/ (http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/you-guys/)
Thought on the Wedding Industrial Complex: http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/04/wedding-industrial-complex-as-it-were/ (http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/04/wedding-industrial-complex-as-it-were/)
I started out with two goals: wear a fancy dress, and end up married to DH. Both happened. The majority of my budget was the dress: $1,100 dress, with $400 in alterations. But the whole wedding, dress included, was $7k. We did our own music, got the food from a local grocer with an awesome catering counter (cheap, local, plus many people said it was the best wedding food they ever had). We did our invites from Vistaprint, and I fancied them up by doing calligraphy myself on the envelopes. Benefit to a smaller wedding- you can DIY/DIT more things, because it's a smaller scope.
I think even more important than what you HAVE is what you choose to NOT HAVE. We did not have a DJ. We did not have a videographer. We had a basic 8" round cake. We did not have liquor, as beer and wine are easier for people to self-serve- we bought those at Costco. Bonus, it was in a state that allowed us to return unopened alcohol after the event.
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but I will gladly answer any specific questions you have. Congratualtions!
-
Congratulations!
We planned our wedding in 6 months for about 80 people, all but 5 or 6 of them coming from out of town, and most of them coming across the country. I will second the suggestion to focus on what's important to YOU, not the wedding industry. For us, it was a nice outdoor venue, good ceremony music, and good food. If you only pick a few things to "worry" about, making decisions about the rest (dress, etc) become easy! We also relied heavily on our network of family and friends, even people who were out of town. People are going to be happy and excited for you, and if they know you have a short timeline, many of them are likely to step up and offer to help out. We had friends handling photos, drinks, and even making programs, which saved us money AND time, and it made the wedding feel more intimate and "like us" - all good things! And YES to A Practical Wedding and Offbeat Bride; there are so many great ideas there.
For out-of-towners, we picked the venue EARLY so that people would have enough time to plan. We sent out save-the-dates by email as soon as we had picked the date and general location - some may find this cheesy, but for us it worked out great, because people could start making travel arrangements in advance of the "formal" invitations going out. Anyway, hope that's helpful in case you do decide to throw the party with the wedding. You have plenty of time! Best of luck!
-
I had a small hand in helping my SO execute the wedding she helped to plan for her sister. They chose a local church they were members of to have a same sex marriage after getting the go-ahead from the person in charge. Turns out they changed their mind and were booted from their location just weeks before the wedding after one person complained (the rest were supportive). All that planning down the drain!
So they rented a beautiful location in a local park that had a covered gazebo, they rented a small tent, and they hired a pizza food truck to cater the reception. For the actual wedding, they were able to host it at a local orchard with the old out-going priest from their church conducting the wedding vows.
The beer situation was DIY, three kegs for ~50 people that they scrounged up themselves. Decorations were all hand-made, wedding invitations were hand-made, and a group of about 10 friends pitched in to set up/break down/clean up. Due to the sudden change of locations, instead of re-sending wedding invitations there was a long chain of phone calls to update people so they didn't show up at the church for the wedding day. All in all it was a lot of hard work, and I'm sure it saved them a ton of money, so it was totally worth it.
Good luck and congratulations!
-
My husband and I became engaged in November 2013 & married in September 2014. We probably could've had a spring 2014 wedding instead of fall 2014, but honestly I'm the world's biggest procrastinator so 10 months gave me a huge buffer!
I think the limiting factor you'll come across is booking a venue - in my province the most popular places [read: largest] are booked at least one year in advance. If you're having a smaller ceremony/reception (our was only 44 people including us) that gives you different options. We ended up booking a private dining room on the second floor of an old-world-style pub/restaurant.
We had the ceremony, then guests were sent downstairs for drinks/appetizers after the ceremony while the room was re-arranged for dinner (we headed to a park down the street for some pictures), and then back upstairs for dinner. We picked a menu beforehand - guests had 4 or 5 different options for dinner; we brought in our own cake and the restaurant charged us a fee to cut/serve the cake; we chose a Sunday afternoon for our ceremony, and no dancing afterwards, so everything was wrapped up by about 10pm.
We had a great day that was perfect for us - both of us would have HATED a huge, 150+ guest wedding, but planning a backyard BBQ-type thing would stressed me out even more.
Good luck!
-
We planned ours in about five months. We kept it cheap, but still wanted friends and family with a little bit of party. Finding a venue for the party seemed to be the key. Keep it simple. It's about the rest of your life and not the one day.
Here's what we did:
-had invitations printed from online source. Had stickers made for return addresses. Did it all ourselves.
-Married at the courthouse with close family present.
-Wife had professional makeup morning of ceremony.
-Professional photography prior to and during ceremony- I think it was three hours of time- might have been four.
-Costco for soda, water and flowers, napkins cups etc.
-Picked up the liquor and keg the day before.
-Used mother-in-law's apartment party room for free
-invited closest friends for the party.
-Had Famous Dave's cater.
-We did all the setup and teardown with a little help from everyone.
-
Ten years ago, we got engaged in July. I went abroad for a six week trip and therefore didn't start planning until late August. We married at the beginning of December, in large part because a close relative was dying and we hoped she could come to the wedding. She died a little over a week after our marriage and sadly was too ill to attend, but I'm still very happy we planned a wedding in three months.
The main reason is because a short time frame doesn't give you time to worry about all the crap that doesn't matter anyway. I feel like taking a year or more to plan a wedding just means that you are going to over-think it and spend more money.
The main downside was that some out of town family weren't able to come because they didn't have enough lead time. That stunk but it also kept our guest list down somewhat. Our final count was around 120, which was still pretty large.
-
I planned my wedding for 90 people in a month. The best thing is to find a wedding venue where everything is there. My venue had the ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner in the same building. The food and decorations was also done by the same place. This meant I just had to decide on the menu and tablecloth colors. I had to get a DJ, cake,, and booze elsewhere, but it was super easy. Flowers were from a wholesale place and we did them ourselves. My dress was from a consignment store that did alterations in house. Invitations were designed by me and emailed since it was so soon.
-
More +++s for the park idea, especially if you're in California. My wife and I got married in a park four months after the proposal. Would have cost us $100 to rent the space; her aunt and uncle lived in the city the park was located in, and we got it for $35 by having them do the paperwork.
Sister baked the cake. Young cousins provided the music. A family member officiated the ceremony. A family friend did the photography for a song, and sent two photographers on top of that. The distance from the park to the reception venue was walkable (we SUPed across the harbor in our wedding digs, no charge in exchange for the pub for the board rental company). The reception venue was deeply discounted for some reason, but I don't remember why :)
It's totally doable, and we succeeded in having a smallish event (~80 people), but in retrospect could have found more opportunities to save, and done things more our own way. Neither my wife or I were or are "dream wedding" people and viewed the whole thing as more for our families than for us, but it caused significant friction before and after. I think if we had to do it again, we'd do it at the courthouse and have a small reception at home or the park.
-
Ten years ago, we got engaged in July. I went abroad for a six week trip and therefore didn't start planning until late August. We married at the beginning of December, in large part because a close relative was dying and we hoped she could come to the wedding. She died a little over a week after our marriage and sadly was too ill to attend, but I'm still very happy we planned a wedding in three months.
The main reason is because a short time frame doesn't give you time to worry about all the crap that doesn't matter anyway. I feel like taking a year or more to plan a wedding just means that you are going to over-think it and spend more money.
The main downside was that some out of town family weren't able to come because they didn't have enough lead time. That stunk but it also kept our guest list down somewhat. Our final count was around 120, which was still pretty large.
I think that's HUGE! More time to plan, more time to spend.
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions and stories!! It feels totally doable.
-
Engaged in November, married in April.
1. Keep your guest list tiny. There were under 10 people at the ceremony, less than 30 at our "reception."
2. Justice. of. the. Peace. Our ceremony was under 5 minutes. (obvious caveat: we're not religious)
3. Don't DIY anything. DIY takes time. Just pay (within reason) for whatever you want. For us, it was paying for a private space at a local brew pub (brunch reception) and footing the bill for all 28 guests. I contacted the pub in February and, because it was a private brunch, it was NBD. They were also very excited when I said I didn't want a buffet (the typical "private event move"). I guess it resulted in more money, but more importantly it enabled me to cover all the food-restrictions of our guests.
4. Figure out what is important. For me, pictures. I had semi-professional photographer acquaintances take photos that came out great. My mom brought a bouquet she picked up that morning. No favors, no decorations, no special dances (no dancing at all, actually, because it's always awkward and weird and it was noon), no wedding cake.
5. Either don't do a "real" wedding dress (mine was a custom-made floral tea-length from an Etsy vendor that I often wear to teach) or expect no alterations.
6. Skip the engagement party/bachelor/bachelorette/etc. It's just more shit to plan.
At the end of the day, all you really need is you, your partner, and someone to legally hitch you. Everything else is icing on the proverbial (wedding) cake.
Edit: You can see our financial breakdown on my journal (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/couch-cuddles-and-mustachian-ish-musings/50/) and a write up about planning on wedding on OffBeat Bride (http://offbeatbride.com/2015/06/plan-a-wedding-in-a-month)
-
I think that's HUGE! More time to plan, more time to spend.
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions and stories!! It feels totally doable.
Adding on to my earlier comment with more concrete ideas:
- find a cheap photographer if you want one at all. I flew up up a friend trying to break into the industry who was able to use the time to do headshots in NYC, and then paid him 250 (which was not part of our deal but felt fair). Photographers in NYC seem to start at 3K and then you pay for images. Maybe it's different where you are, but it's a huge cost that's worked around easily.
- I agree with the suggestion about DIY taking more time, but with a few caveats:
- Order flowers online. Find something that will stand alone or look good with just one filler. Costco has good options. I ended up ordering orchids from an online supplier because they don't need arranging and are interesting on their own
- Use free labor if anyone offers. My sister in law made name cards (3 hours for her probably), my best friend planted a bunch of succulents (3 or 4 hours), etc. Make them easily digestible projects so no one flakes or backs out. And don't give them to flakes.
-
I proposed in March and we got married in May, so we also did the small wedding thing in a short turnaround. We only had immediate family attending and got married in a park, then went to a really nice dinner afterwards. And it was amazing, definitely the best day of my life. I really liked having the small ceremony and reception.
-
We planned our wedding in 4 days. Two hundred people showed up. We had everything those who planned for months had. Just made 25 years.
-
We planned our wedding in 4 days. Two hundred people showed up. We had everything those who planned for months had. Just made 25 years.
That is entirely too short of a post for what you just said! (but maybe that's your style, heh heh)
Please tell me more! 200 people in 4 days .... For some reason I picture handing flyers out to strangers on the street like for a rave or something, lol.
That's amazing.
-
I was a National Guardsman and got called up for Gulf War I. We decided to get married and thought to do it small. Word got out and it got big. The dress was borrowed but fit like a glove. My dress blues took the place of a tux. The music was unbelievable and free by friends. The flowers by my wife's aunt's shop. The food was by family and friends. The invitations by phone and word of mouth. The church was available as well as their reception hall. We had mini bride and groom. Candles everywhere. The photographer a friend of my wife. Awesome photos and video. Everyone wanted to be there. It was standing room only. You only need 4 days. The cost was only almost nothing. Less than $1000.
-
We planned an NY wedding a few years ago in 5 months. "He proposed" (no comments please) in mid-January and we planned and executed the full party in mid-June of that year. It was a pretty big party (80 ppl including an overseas contingent). I would have liked something smaller and simpler, but my husband was very much of the mindset of meeting his friends' and family's expectations, and we weren't yet introduced to the ways of the Mustache.
Anyway, it's definitely possible to do the full package in 5 months should that be your wish. You can even get "last minute booking" discounts with some vendors who have an opening and have assumed they're not going to fill it at this late date. IMHO we could have done it in 3 months if DH had been less picky about having everything just so.
Just structure your planning in order - the big stuff first like venue, dress if you're doing a traditional one (they have to be ordered; I had to order from the "rush" list), catering, church/celebrant, photographer and of course invitations, because they're time-critical; and the small stuff after like decor, music and personal grooming.
The things I certainly do not regret lashing out on are the photographer, venue and food. We put in a lot of effort to have our guests enjoying themselves so that we could enjoy ourselves too.
Congratulations and good luck!
-
Yay congrats! I was able to plan a very nice wedding in Vegas in about 2 weeks. We did a rooftop ceremony and reception. Since there are so many places to get married in Vegas most places are a one stop shop and very affordable.
-
Decided in late February to get married. Called both sets of parents and future sister-in-law to see what dates in June/July would work to take a long weekend to Vegas. Decided on date in mid-June, then booked our plane tickets and hotel. Called and booked the wedding chapel (in the gardens at the Flamingo) and a fancy-ish restaurant for a private wedding dinner (Bouchon). The chapel took care of everything related to the ceremony except for clothes and photographer; I just told them what I wanted. They would've provided a photographer, but I had someone in mind I wanted to use already.
It probably took me about four hours to plan my wedding, the majority of that time spent looking for the dress. No regrets (except for never finding my dream dress - ah well).
-
We did our wedding of ~150 people in less than 4 months from engagement to ceremony (and that included Xmas/thanksgiving during planning season). Fancier than most here but it was about $10k and fairly traditional. We've had a lot of people say it was the nicest/best wedding they had ever been to.
There are a multitude of wedding timelines which are interesting to look at. Find out the "long timeframe" items. Normally date, venue, catering, photographer, dress/alterations. Plan to lock those down early (date is complicated because of venue/family potentially if you want everyone there and care about a place, caring less makes it easier) if you care about them. The less you care, the less important timeline is.
Have a document for the details you care about. Google had a good template we used and then removed things we didn't need - https://drive.google.com/previewtemplate?id=0AhN0y99GtIFTdEc0ZzFkMU8tZmFTSVp3dmhhMlRycWc&&ddrp=1# The budget was particularly useful as there were a ton of random line items. We removed most of them, but a few of them were good "oh right"
Figure out your budget. Make a goal to stay within your budget. You'd be surprised how much easier planning is when you have constraints. If you only have $X for food then.. you can immediately eliminate places that are way more than $X.
To save your sanity, unless you are planning the biggest wedding ever, don't delegate decision making. If you plan a smallish wedding (even our 150) it is often easier to just work with your fiance and figure the details yourself. Adding other decision makers makes everything more complicated, because you can't decide on things without a committee. Feel free to delegate tasks - just not decisions. Things like, "Aunt Betty will coordinate the meal [and we don't care what it is]" can be good. Things like "Aunt Betty will coordinate the meal and ask us tons of clarifying questions" are bad.
Last, if you have reliable friends, give them the responsibility of ushers for the day of. We had four close friends as ushers and basically told them "just make any unexpected problems go away" and knowing that they would, since we trusted them (sorry random cousins I hardly know, but I trust my close friends as heck of a lot more to do this than you!) made worrying about all the details a lot easier.
Oh, and all this is made a heck of a lot easier if you don't have crazy family. If you do... I'm sorry.
-
got engaged October 4 and married Jan. 22nd.
live in Cleveland so didn't have to worry about vendors being booked quite as much as a June wedding. we got married in our church (no problem with it being booked) and picked a reception hall that included linens and table decorations and a cake. picked a photographer and the DJ (DJ was a rec by the reception hall) and made our invitations. DIY'd flowers and bought my dress off the rack at a bridal shop that only sold off the rack last season or so dresses, and didn't stress too much about details I couldn't control. check out your local board on the knot.com, those girls will be experts in your area.
If I were doing it over I'd have it catered by the local BBQ place and get a Costco cake.
my BFF had her wedding in her church, lunch followed in the adjoining reception hall with trays of shrimp, salads, and deli meats from Costco. super easy and cheap (relatively so).
-
Last, if you have reliable friends, give them the responsibility of ushers for the day of. We had four close friends as ushers and basically told them "just make any unexpected problems go away" and knowing that they would, since we trusted them (sorry random cousins I hardly know, but I trust my close friends as heck of a lot more to do this than you!) made worrying about all the details a lot easier.
YES to this! I appointed a cousin as "coordinator" for the day. He wasn't involved in the planning beforehand though. Still, he was immeasurably useful as the person people went to with problems. If I had a problem with anything, I could go to him and ask him to deal with it rather than trying to deal with it myself. Stuff like dealing with the venue folks, getting people to shift around on time, determining timing of things, talking to the band, telling the band to shut up when I was fed up with them (ok ok - I had a lot of issues with the band trying to take over my wedding *sigh*). There ended up being a lot of little details during the event itself.
-
We had ours in NYC, got a large suite at one of the great hotels. Had less than 20people in total (just imediate family members and closest friends). The location was great, just needed some flowers(won't cost much if you only have one room to decorate), drinks(brought our own), sancks, and someone with the license to marry us!We did hired a phographer, used our iphone music colletion playing in the backgroud. No "reception", but we all went out to dinner at a cool restaurant afterwards. It was great, simple, and took us less than 2 months to prep and 2.5K total (including hotel and dinner).
It was not a produciton, but really allowed us to celebrate it with the people we cared the most about. We did do BBQs in our backyards with friends later. That was a lot of fun(very low cost) and relatively easy prep too