I don't necessarily think he is a manipulator. And retired I think you are a compassionate person, to look past his issues and commit to being with him. That said I work at the VA. Just bc you have a service connected rating does not give you a pass in actively treating and managing the condition, whether it is medication, counseling, exposure therapy etc. And it is common that PTSD symptoms get worse after the person stops working, or changes situation where they have to deal with more social situations, get out of their comfort zone. Anyways I feel for you. It's possible that no one is at fault here. But you need to be comfortable with the situation, and be clear with him what is and not acceptable if you want to continue to have a relationship. As others have said, if he is not willing to work on this, might be better to change the relationship.