Author Topic: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?  (Read 5359 times)

pudding

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How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« on: October 31, 2016, 09:11:23 PM »
I have this house as some might have read in my other posts.

I've had it 9 years and I'm going to sell it and have quite a bit of cash, enough to FIRE

Thing is, I've thought about just what I would do to make my life happier. I mean I've spent many! a miserable day struggling with fixing it, dealing with tenants and the city officials etc...    so there was a point to it? right???

I think its fair to say that at times, particularly winter I feel quite depressed. I'm wondering how I'd best use this money to facilitate happiness.

I looked briefly online and there's a lot of stories about experiences over material things....  I can't 100% agree with that. I have a 2 year old mercedes van for my handyman business and it rocks!  I get a buzz out of it even after a couple of years.

I love my tools!  I want to work less but I don't want to fully retire.... at least I don't think so... maybe I do? hard to say.

I have a friend took early retirement from a job he had since leaving school.  I saw him the other day and he said he was bored and helps his friend out with a second hand store.

Mostly what my life is lacking is connections, good friends that I can trust to have my back, a significant other, happiness I think. Most my family passed on, my daughter and grandkids moved across the country and it can be rocky at times... if you think of that scene from Austin Powers where Dr Evil and his son have a strained relationship! It's a bit like that ;)

I admire how women seem to make friends and help each other out.... us guys?? not so much. 

My sister went to India  a few times to work in an orphanage, something like that sounds good, something with a purpose.

Anyone on here looked into this subject?


Bracken_Joy

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2016, 09:24:39 PM »
Mostly what my life is lacking is connections, good friends that I can trust to have my back, a significant other, happiness I think. Most my family passed on, my daughter and grandkids moved across the country and it can be rocky at times... if you think of that scene from Austin Powers where Dr Evil and his son have a strained relationship! It's a bit like that ;)

I admire how women seem to make friends and help each other out.... us guys?? not so much. 

My sister went to India  a few times to work in an orphanage, something like that sounds good, something with a purpose.

Anyone on here looked into this subject?

It sounds like what you need is spending to facilitate bonding with people. So,
-if the issue is a lack of time, having the money to work less and do more activities to meet people is ideal
-if the issue is a lack of spending on interesting things where you'll meet interesting people, then spend on that

The most important thing though is you don't need money to make strong interpersonal connections. You need: time, opportunity, and the skill of connecting. And yes, it is a SKILL. It will take practice. So take the time, put yourself into the situations where you'll meet people, and get some practice connecting in a deep and real way to others. =)

As for the posting title though, how would I use it? Depends on the amount of money we're talking. Probably a reasonable vacation, a few home repairs, and then invest the rest.

pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2016, 09:25:23 PM »
My firs thoughts are there are 3 lists. The things I'd do and then things I wouldn't do anymore of. Pitfalls to avoid.

Things I wouldn't do;

1. deal with tenants BS! 
2. fix things when I'm tired and had enough
3. do dangerous, exhausting and toxic jobs



Things to avoid;
1. blowing money and creating money problems but just with more zeros
2. drinking too much


Things I'd do;
1. pursue my hobbies more
2. fly to see kids, fly kids here to see me
3. kind of change from a guy who has worked like a dog and put enjoyable things on back burner, to a guy who works enough to keep his hand in, makes and effort to socialise and foster friendships and actually do things other than sit around doing nothing, never planing anything, don't fall back on 'old favourites' too much like drinking beers and watching music videos, going to the gym alone.

pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2016, 09:37:41 PM »
Mostly what my life is lacking is connections, good friends that I can trust to have my back, a significant other, happiness I think. Most my family passed on, my daughter and grandkids moved across the country and it can be rocky at times... if you think of that scene from Austin Powers where Dr Evil and his son have a strained relationship! It's a bit like that ;)

I admire how women seem to make friends and help each other out.... us guys?? not so much. 

My sister went to India  a few times to work in an orphanage, something like that sounds good, something with a purpose.

Anyone on here looked into this subject?

It sounds like what you need is spending to facilitate bonding with people. So,
-if the issue is a lack of time, having the money to work less and do more activities to meet people is ideal
-if the issue is a lack of spending on interesting things where you'll meet interesting people, then spend on that

The most important thing though is you don't need money to make strong interpersonal connections. You need: time, opportunity, and the skill of connecting. And yes, it is a SKILL. It will take practice. So take the time, put yourself into the situations where you'll meet people, and get some practice connecting in a deep and real way to others. =)

As for the posting title though, how would I use it? Depends on the amount of money we're talking. Probably a reasonable vacation, a few home repairs, and then invest the rest.


Thanks Bracken joy.  It could be 700k, but if plan A works out, it could even be as much as 1.5 even 1.6 million... (shocking for me to even type that!)


i almost feel more like I need to find god or something! lol, I'm only half joking.    My neighbour was saying to me today that money is nothing, he just brought his terminally ill wife home.  I know what he means, I wouldn't say its nothing, but it does raise the question of just what is it? What can it do for happiness..

I hear these stories of people winning the lottery and ending up miserable.

I think for myself there are things i could think of that would make life 'nicer'  friends, a SO (ahem... if I pick a winner!) , see my grandkids and daughter without strife hopefully. Less stress in my life from not having to deal with the BS that usually comes earning /getting money. Maybe some travel, but carefully thought out, not just walk into travel agent and end up on a beach alone somewhere writing dark poetry.

And probably somethings that I haven't even thought of yet.

FIFoFum

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2016, 10:50:14 PM »
If you like working, keep working. No one says you have to retire just because you can afford to. The advantage of being FI is getting to choose how you work and whether you need "work" to be earning income.

If you are depressed and lonely and stop working, it is unlikely to make you stop being depressed or lonely.

Pick 1 or 2 goals and focus on them. If you want to spend more time with family, then use your freedom and money to go spend chunks of time living nearer to the family. If you want a significant other, devote yourself to dating and meeting people with relationships as a goal. If you want better connections with friends, either work on the relationships you already have or focus on meeting the type of people you would want to be close to.

These are all things that don't happen easily to us as we age, but they are all things you can actively work on, if they are important to you.

pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2016, 12:22:09 AM »
i almost feel more like I need to find god or something! lol, I'm only half joking.    My neighbour was saying to me today that money is nothing, he just brought his terminally ill wife home.  I know what he means, I wouldn't say its nothing, but it does raise the question of just what is it? What can it do for happiness..

I'm not religious, but I have made some great friends at church.  I'm usually pretty up front with the fact that I'm not religious, I just share some similar moral values and like the sense of community.  They always want to convert you, but many end up accepting you as a friend even if you don't convert (or maybe they think they'll "save you" eventually).  I only have experiences with one specific sect of religion, but the experience has been repeatable in 3 different states so far.

I did a couple of jobs in the summer for 2 families that were friends with each other through a church. They were really nice people and I thought about going.   Its the community and examining the big question that is appealing.

Villanelle

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2016, 02:23:16 AM »
I'm an atheist, but have often looked with a bit of jealousy at those around me who are part of a strong church community, especially because we tend to move a lot and that makes keeping and maintaining connections even more challenging.  I don't think this is any easier for men than for women.

Iv'e considered checking out a Universal Unitarian church.  If you aren't familiar, they welcome all beliefs (including atheists).  Might be something worth checking out.

You could probably also craft a similar community through some sort of hobby group.  Find a group that likes to do whatever you are in to (hiking, computers, gardening, wood working, whatever).

As for what I would do?  Probably spend a lot of time traveling, with a combination of more typical tourist travel and slow travel. 

rocketpj

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2016, 12:31:26 AM »
Join some clubs that interest you.  If you aren't sure what interests you, try some random thing - take a language class, take a writing class, take a welding class, join a gaming group, practice yoga, practice unicycling, become a hangliding instructor, whatever.  If you don't like the activity or the people you can easily move on.  Chances are you'll end up finding some friends and new things to do with your time.

It's been a very long time since I've had more than a week or two off, and right now those periods are about my kids and doing things with them.  But I could easily shift into not working - or perhaps just working very selectively - and filling my days with many other projects.


Cranky

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2016, 05:30:54 AM »
A church is a great way to find community! I'm an Episcopalian, and I think we are pretty darned welcoming, but I was raised a UU and they seem just like what you are looking for.

What about getting really involved with a volunteer group, like Habitat?

SweetLife

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2016, 09:04:12 PM »
A few tidbits from someone who will also be getting a windfall ... first of all ... you sound like you may need to do a bit of research/reading on what exactly you need to be happy... trust me, it is much  more important to know what makes you happy than to run around doing a bunch of things with your money thinking it might make you happy and ending up realizing it doesn't. Think of the times in your life when you were happy ... really happy... what were you doing? Who was around you? Think of why you were happy? Was it the people? Or the work? Events? Is family important to you? If that is important and makes you happy move closer to them and figure out why/how you can better your relationship. It may take some time but if it will make you happy in the end it is worth it. Read a few self-help books from the library ... then think about what you want in a mate... seriously ... make a list. Be sure to put down what is an absolute "breaker" ... and have some fun.... go to one of those speed dating nights ... take a night class in something you find interesting... go people watching ... go out by yourself and with friends ... and start living like you are happy being alone. I know it sounds ridiculous but you will have better luck finding a mate AFTER you find yourself. ;)

Happiness comes from within ... ;)

pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2016, 01:04:50 AM »
A few tidbits from someone who will also be getting a windfall ... first of all ... you sound like you may need to do a bit of research/reading on what exactly you need to be happy... trust me, it is much  more important to know what makes you happy than to run around doing a bunch of things with your money thinking it might make you happy and ending up realizing it doesn't. Think of the times in your life when you were happy ... really happy... what were you doing? Who was around you? Think of why you were happy? Was it the people? Or the work? Events? Is family important to you? If that is important and makes you happy move closer to them and figure out why/how you can better your relationship. It may take some time but if it will make you happy in the end it is worth it. Read a few self-help books from the library ... then think about what you want in a mate... seriously ... make a list. Be sure to put down what is an absolute "breaker" ... and have some fun.... go to one of those speed dating nights ... take a night class in something you find interesting... go people watching ... go out by yourself and with friends ... and start living like you are happy being alone. I know it sounds ridiculous but you will have better luck finding a mate AFTER you find yourself. ;)

Happiness comes from within ... ;)


Thanks!    I think its a quite a difficult question 'how would you use a windfall to build a happy life'    there are the stock answers, but I think about all the lottery winners that aren't doing so well a few years later.

Family is really important. I have an adult daughter and 2 grandkids, I raised my daughter on my own since she was 3, we moved to Canada and its not always easy but its super important.

Travelling is hit and miss for me... its definitely about the people. For a trip to be good it has to be meeting people I click with.

When it comes to money and meeting someone as in SO... where would money help??? Actually might be a good idea to not mention how much you have... just be like... yeah, doing OK financially.  I think for me it would be about the things I wouldn't be doing like working like a nut case and being too tired to do much of anything.  If I have time to do things other than working and im not tired out, then should be ok.

Did you read any good books or visit any other good blogs besides MMM when figuring out what makes you happy?

pbkmaine

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How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2016, 04:31:51 AM »
Habitat for Humanity. You have the skills and the tools. Use them to work with and help others. You will find friendship there, too, I bet.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2016, 04:33:32 AM by pbkmaine »

Dee18

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2016, 06:28:14 AM »
Check out the book Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett. 

Gimesalot

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2016, 07:22:01 AM »
You keep mentioning your daughter and grand kids and how far away they live.  Can you move closer?  You could become a part of their lives. 

As for making friends, people have mentioned some good options.  I would add that volunteering is a great way to meet people and a very fulfilling way to spend your time.  If you want to help children, you don't have to travel out of the country, you can start in your community.  You can look for volunteer tutor opportunities at schools, go through big brother programs, etc.

begood

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2016, 07:22:15 AM »
+1 for Habitat for Humanity and the Unitarian Universalist church ideas! Habitat would let you use the skills you have without the hassle of dealing with tenants and fixing broken things, and it would give you a routine with some regular contact with like-minded people.

And Unitarian Universalists are a very accepting bunch. Start where you are and move forward. They also often offer small groups in spirituality, leadership, and for fellowship (which might be a good place for you to start).

Meeting people and making friends is easier for some people than others, so look for places where 1) your skills will be valued and your effort appreciated, like Habitat for Humanity; and 2) you can count on nominal acceptance just because you are present, like the UU community.

Show up, in other words, and see where that takes you.

pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2016, 12:13:03 PM »
Check out the book Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett.

Thanks, I checked the book out and read the free pages on amazon.

Thats my kind of book! I'm going to pick a copy up this afternoon

arebelspy

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #16 on: November 06, 2016, 01:43:28 AM »
Money won't buy happiness.

It will buy some freedom of time.

What you do with that time could help you in your quest for happiness.

I also think you may want to research not just happiness, but meaning. 

Good luck.  Keep us updated with what you find/decide.  :)
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pudding

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2016, 08:54:39 PM »
On Saturday I bought the book that OP Called Dee mentioned... Designing your life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.

Read quite a bit of it and I would say it's a good book. It certainly got my mind whirring and that bit's been good.

One bit I like about it is the idea of logging your day and drilling down into your experiences to see just what it was about it that you liked.

There are some written exercises that help you see what could be better in your life.

Was plain to see for me what could be better. Just how to go about making things better. 

deborah

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Re: How would you use a windfall to build a happy life?
« Reply #18 on: November 06, 2016, 09:39:54 PM »
Before I retired, I read a book called "What Color is Your Parachute For Retirement" which was good - it had a lot of exercises and made you thik about various parts of retirement.

I also looked at what work gave me. it gave me interaction with people, a sense of achievement, of being able to do stuff that was bigger than one person... Then I thought about how I would satisfy those things (if they were important to me) in retirement. Some things need money, but most don't. Work out a plan to make things happen - some can start to happen now - you can join a group or two for example. Some have to wait for retirement. But no matter what, don't change things radically for about a year, because it takes that long to adjust over.

 

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