How is the pandemic personally affecting you?

[Zamboni]

I know there are already several threads related to COVID-19 and the response to it. It seems like some of those are becoming more philosophical in nature. So, here is a place to share how the pandemic and associated changes are personally affecting you and your family or friends.

Starting with a personal example that might seem small or large to you, depending upon your perspective. With the perspective of people dying, losing jobs, or being evicted, it's definitely small. I have more personal examples to share in the thread, so here is just the first one, which is admittedly a first world problem, but a young lady is upset anyway:

My daughter is a rising HS senior. Her first year of college will be 2021-22. She plays a sport and accepted a full ride scholarship offer to play it at a private college out of state. The official "signing date" isn't for a few months, but oral commitments are usually honored by both sides, so this seemed pretty solid.

Unfortunately the college head coach talked to her on the phone this past week:
the good news is that he is very excited about her playing for her team,
the bad news is they just cancelled their upcoming season for 2020-21 due to the pandemic.

The NCAA will allow the rising college seniors to have an additional year of eligibility, and he's not yet sure how many of them will stay for a 5th year. Since he will need honor the 5th year senior scholarships in 2021-22, and scholarships money is fixed and limited, he is not sure whether or not he will still be able to give her the scholarship. It depends. He still wants her to come play for his team, but he might not be able to provide any money towards the estimated enrollment cost of ~$56K per year. He said he should know more within about a month about the senior plans.

On the one hand, it was really nice for him to be so honest and up front with her. I think he was calling "all of his players" to talk to them one-on-one about what the cancelled season for this year means for them, and he didn't want her to find out the news from someone else on the team.
On the other hand, I kind of wish he had just waited to tell her this after he knew for sure, because now she's in yet another very awkward waiting game, and it seems like her entire life has become that. We likely wouldn't get much need based aid from this school, and $56K is hard to justify when she could go to an in-state school for less than half of that. Argh.

Not looking for responses with solutions for her here, just giving an example of how pervasive the impact of the pandemic is in ways you might not think about. There are infinite big and small impacts. I have another one to share about my Mom later.

[Cranky]

Well, my dh's university has taken this opportunity to cull the academic departments but save athletics, so dh's department has merged with another department and dh ends up not getting paid for 6 weeks. So there's that.

Plus he's so aggravated by the whole thing that whereas I thought it was going to pry him out of here next year he's about ready to quit now. We've gone ahead and bought a house in another state.

[DadJokes]

For an introvert, this has been the best period of my life.

I've mostly worked from home for the last 4.5 months. As a result, I've added a couple hours to my day and spent a lot more time with my toddler (and wife).

The extra time in the morning has been fantastic. I wake up later than I did before and still have more time before I have to start work, so I've been able to work out in the mornings.

It was announced that there would not be any raises this year, which is understandable under the circumstances. However, I did get a small, unexpected bonus that amounted to 2.8% of my salary, so that certainly softened the blow.

My wife has also been working from home as well as can be done for a teacher. She didn't lose income either.

The only real downsides were the sports shutdown and my board game group taking a two month hiatus.

[chemistk]

It's been a mixed bag...

My wife's grandfather passed away from Covid a few months back. He loved and was loved by his family dearly. His health had been declining, but this was unexpected.

My job's been more secure than ever. My salary technically increased during the pandemic with a small "thank you for coming in during the pandemic" bonus.

I get to WFH much more than I ever expected as a laboratory professional - sleeping in is great and spending weekdays with my kids wasn't even fathomable before this. My wife certainly appreciates the help!

My and my wife's mental health took a nosedive during the core weeks of the stay at home orders. We rent and our house offers little in the way of space for each person to get much personal time. The yards are not safe for the kids to play in unsupervised and especially during cold/rainy March-May, not even being able to step outside for a walk was something that really dragged my wife an I down. Before the pandemic, i would have never identified myself as having any significant measure of anxiety. Since the stay at home order, I can say for certain that I have anxiety that can and maybe should be treated.

Working off the above point, this has solidified that renting just isn't for us anymore, and that we want to get out of this house and into something that is more suitable for our family (namely, having a yard that's safe for the kids). Unfortunately, the white hot market right now has us on the sidelines as we don't quite have enough cash to compete with a lot of other buyers.

[Neustache]

My husband loves it.  His company will not return full-time to in person work....for the foreseeable future.  He's gained 30 minutes each day in commute time.  He wakes up at 6:45, rolls out of bed, gets online for work at 7.  Usually ends work on time at 3pm because he doesn't have people walking up to him with a question at the end of his day.

I am a teacher and while I still have my job, everything's up in the air on what school will be like in the fall.  I report in person on August 18th.  Students report for online only school in September; if our local numbers decrease (percent positive average) then some students will come back late September.  I hope that by October we will have most if not all students back full time.  I hated online teaching; lots of work with little payoff and never felt like I did enough (my students are special education students).

My kids are bored a bit, but mostly adjusting.  I'm glad I have two children that get along and are older.  We've elected for online only for them for the first semester because I don't want to deal with them going and then their class getting quarantined (plus my husband is home!).  They hated online school, however, they were good at it and I didn't have to manage it for them (I was working!).  Hopefully they can go back 2nd semester.


No one that I really know has died of CoVid;  my former boss has it right now, and is not responding to FB messages or texts (from others, I'm not sending them!) so I hope he is okay. 

Overall, we are very lucky.  Life is good.  We are spending all the money we would have paid for travel on fixing our house. 

The one hard thing we have faced is dealing with family members who mock us for being safe and following CDC guidelines.  We will still socialize, but we do it outside, with a 6 foot distance.  It's frustrating that the people we are trying to protect turn around and mock us for being fearful.  We are not fearful - in fact - I am full of hope that if EVERYONE was careful we could beat this thing.  The dismissive attitude we get from one set of parents is pretty much the only stress in our lives.  We are blessed.   

[FindingFI]

Pros: I love working from home, wearing whatever I want, and saving the commute time. Getting to spend more time with my little girl early on was amazing.

Con: There is no longer a boundary between work and home life and I'm finding myself thinking about work all the time now. The stress from both caring for an infant and working from home full-time, single handedly drove me to need therapy. We had to make the tough call to put her back in daycare for my mental health.  The social isolation is depressing since I work from home alone all day. And the little lady's birthday is coming up and we wanted to have a backyard BBQ with all the friends and family. That feels really irresponsible now, so we are cutting it way back, and probably going to offend someone and cause drama in the process.

[Cassie]

Being retired our social life is important and that came to a halt. We had a month trip booked for August in Europe and that’s not happening. We are seeing our friends again and kids.

[Zikoris]

Not being able to travel suuuucks.

We basically went on hiatus from socializing from January/February to July. Neither of us are into video-chat socializing. That's some hardcore introvert behavior there - we can take a five or six month pause on being social and be basically fine with that, lol.

Otherwise, we're doing great - healthy and kicking ass financially.

[ericrugiero]

It has affected me less than most.  The area I live has been hit less than most areas of the US but cases are starting to pick up a bit.  (My county is at 58 cases)  I still don't know anyone personally that has had the virus (that I know of).  I'm still working (my immediate boss doesn't take it seriously so I can't work from home).  My kids are homeschooled so there is less impact on them.  We have been doing less optional socialization and canceled some of our travel.  We did take two trips (driving to a rental house, cooking in the house, time on a beach social distanced from others).

My "problem" is that most of my local family and friends are not taking it very seriously.  We have good friends who are at Myrtle Beach this week.  My wife will want to get together with them within two weeks of their return.  I still haven't decided how to handle that.  This pandemic has led to a few disagreements between us because I take it more seriously than she does. 

[John Galt incarnate!]

I know there are already several threads related to COVID-19 and the response to it. It seems like some of those are becoming more philosophical in nature. So, here is a place to share how the pandemic and associated changes are personally affecting you and your family or friends.

Starting with a personal example that might seem small or large to you, depending upon your perspective. With the perspective of people dying, losing jobs, or being evicted, it's definitely small.

I'm a secure FIREee so this damnable pandemic has only affected me psychologically.

My sobriety deepens when I contemplate  the ubiquitous stoppage of economic activity and its unquantifiable, dire ramifications for millions of people in the United States and abroad.

A case in point is the thread  by calimom  concerning   the pandemic's interruption and harm of her business model.

[Zamboni]

I hear everyone about 1. Work and 2. Travel.

Working from home has been great and has sucked at the same time.

I love not commuting. I love seeing my loved ones at lunch every day.

Like the rest of you, I mourn the firmer boundary between work and home life. Also there were some colleagues I really enjoyed talking to each day, and that is gone. Finally, the work load has been absurd, and the financial downturn means my employer is not at all interested in replacing the people who have retired during the pandemic. The absurdity level has been so intense that I had to step down from my "higher responsiblity" position back into a lower level position I held previously. Just couldn't handle the lack of personnel replacement and the stress that was causing me in my dual role as worker bee and manager.

Huge new wrinkle in my life:
My Mom needs to go into a memory care facility. It would have been a "drag her kicking and screaming" situation even before the pandemic, but there is no way we will get her into any sort of care peacefully now. It wouldn't feel responsible putting her in an institution right now anyway.

So she is still in her own home . . . with cat poop on the carpet that she doesn't even pick up . . . and a functional AC unit that she literally forgot she had, so she nearly died of heat stroke. She complained of the heat (109 degree heat index day), and when we asked her why she wasn't turning on the AC, she replied that she doesn't have air conditioning (most of her life she didn't, but she does now . . . ) My brother had to go over there and show her the unit she's had in her window for the past few years, and that is how we found out about the multiple cat poop piles right in the middle of the carpet in her bedroom. This is not going to be a smooth transition.

I know several people who have had COVID-19. Not something you want to get! Even the 20-year-old I know who had it was extremely, extremely sick (although they would formally classify her as having a "mild illness" because she didn't require hospitalization.)

[mm1970]

1. Work.  I love working from home.  Sort of.  It's hard to do with the kids home, but as long as they are busy, I'm about as productive.  I like working in my PJs.  That will change when (virtual) school starts.  Our house is small, and I will have to share my office with the 3rd grader.  (My office is their bedroom).

2. My husband likes working from home but feels like he is much less productive.  This is true because: kids.

3. Health.  I like not setting an alarm. My exercise has not changed in frequency or volume, but my husband started to exercise.  Yay!

4. Mental health.  This one is harder. I always had many plates spinning, and now it's worse.  I am overwhelmed by decision making.  Like: I really want to make my kids get exercise every day but I CANNOT just constantly force them and annoy them into doing it and I AM TIRED OF MANAGING EVERYBODY'S DAY.  At school, at least, they get exercise.

5.  Travel.  I want to travel.  We aren't going to travel until next summer, most likely.

6. Food.  My grocery bill is through the roof.

7.  Friends.  This goes into mental health.  I miss my friends.

[G-String]

With the WFH, I get zero alone time.  I love my GF, but she is also WFH so she is home ALL the time.  It's a bit much, because I need my alone time.  Definitely is not helping our relationship. 

[TheFrenchCat]

This isn't the worst period of my life but it's a close second.  We've lost two great-uncles.  My daughter's full time preschool was shut down, and my DH partially works from home, so I'm WFH, taking care of her and keeping her from distracting DH.  My already poor mental health started steadily declining, not from isolation, but stress over formerly simple decisions and tasks (grocery shopping and should our daughter go to in person kindergarten being the biggest).  Our daughter is doing mostly fine, especially since we live on the same street as a lot of family (like almost 25 of us), and we live on a lake and right near a farm, so tons to do outside.  I barely know how to keep going and it feels like we're maybe half way through the best case scenario. 

[Fru-Gal]

I don't know what happened to me in the last few years that changed my outlook on social isolation. I used to really lament it. Joined a shared office for a while to try to feel better about it. I think perhaps 2 things: My business took off, giving me a lot of purpose and focus, and my children grew up and became people I love to hang out with.

I hope no one takes my perspective as discounting their struggle during the pandemic. I'm truly sorry for anyone who is feeling depressed or overwhelmed. I feel very lucky, and I hope only that my experience can serve as an alternate approach to consider for those whose circumstances allow it.

I also need to work on maintaining relationships outside my family.  Some friends are in the last leg of terminal cancer (but still out and about) and I must remind myself to reach out to them, as well as to those friends who may not be thriving right now.

I guess it's just that I've always been the one they made fun of for the shitty marriage and the failed career and the bad kids. Oh and supposedly I was not mentally fit. Turns out that was all wrong. Never believe what others say about you.

[PDXTabs]

It lead to the end of my marriage, but the courts are all messed up so the divorce (if it goes to trial) will take ~14 months.

[Fru-Gal]

It lead to the end of my marriage, but the courts are all messed up so the divorce (if it goes to trial) will take ~14 months.

Man, so sorry! What happened? Do you think the pandemic precipitated it, or just revealed intractable problems?

[G-String]

It lead to the end of my marriage, but the courts are all messed up so the divorce (if it goes to trial) will take ~14 months.

Sorry man!  What happened?  Pandemic and WFH is definitely not helping my relationship, but there were already underlying issues. 

[Fish Sweet]

For purely frivolous "problems," I am super bummed out about the lack of travel-- I had just left my FT job and was hoping I'd be able to spend a few weeks if not months out of the country this year with friends and family, unfettered by lack of PTO and worries about work.  All of the freedom and flexibility of having my own schedule has turned into the freedom and flexibility to stay at home all fscking day.

This was also supposed to be the year where I threw myself headlong into my crafting business, and the first year I started doing out of state events to promote and sell.  Obviously, all of those events have since been cancelled.  My partner & all of my housemates are now WFH and though I love them, as a super introvert it is starting to drive me a little bit bonkers.  That said, I count myself among the very lucky to have few financial worries during this time.

For more serious effects, I know several people who've been diagnosed and/or lost family members to COVID.  One of my parents was just diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness, along with life threatening side effects.  Due to the hospital's (sensible) social distancing procedures, me and my family can't all be there at his side and that..... just fucking sucks.  Because I can't risk spreading COVID to him, I'm limiting my already limited social/out of house interactions even further.

I am afraid that he's going to still catch it, and all of his time spent in the hospital will be for nothing.  I am very, very afraid that if the worst comes to pass, we won't be able to have a funeral, or even be by his side at the end. 

[John Galt incarnate!]

I don't know what happened to me in the last few years that changed my outlook on social isolation. I used to really lament it.

I guess it's just that I've always been the one they made fun of for the shitty marriage and the failed career and the bad kids. Oh and supposedly I was not mentally fit. Turns out that was all wrong. Never believe what others say about you.

Hear, hear!

I cannot overstate the cruciality of knowledge of self.

Time alone for reflection conduces to it.

Knowledge of self  is precedent of one's happiness and contentment.

[Fru-Gal]

Thank you John Galt Incarnate! (I never know if your name is in jest, no matter LOL)

[Zamboni]

With the WFH, I get zero alone time.  I love my GF, but she is also WFH so she is home ALL the time.  It's a bit much, because I need my alone time.  Definitely is not helping our relationship.

I'm sorry to read this. Yeah, most people need some "me time." Some people need more than others . . . just time alone, with no one talking to you or even near you. A lot of us got this from work.

[Michael in ABQ]

I've been deployed overseas the whole time so the biggest change day-to-day was they shut down the gyms and every other non-essential thing that required locals to come on base and work. They also removed most of the chairs in the dining facility to spread everyone out and we have to stand six feet apart in line waiting to get in. Since March it's pretty much my room, my office, or the dining facility. Albeit since we're on a relatively isolated base with almost no movement in or out there's minimal risk of actually catching COVID-19. However, when we go home we still have to go through a two-week quarantine, even though we're arguably going from a much lower risk location to a higher risk location.

I also had a trip planned to northern Italy for a multi-day meeting/working group. We had the hotel and flights booked to travel there at the beginning of March and a few days before they shut down all travel. Had we made it there we might have ended up stuck for months. Still, it would have been nice to travel there. I did get to stay one night in Italy on a previous deployment when our plane had trouble. However all we saw was a restaurant to feed us dinner and a hotel for about 6 hours before getting back on the plane.


It's been tough on my wife at home with the kids. She's kept up a strict quarantine with all groceries delivered and only interacting with her parents who also quarantined (they didn't see each other in person for about a month at the beginning). We sent the four oldest to a private school because once baby #6 came along she couldn't manage homeschooling anymore. So she ended up getting thrust right back into it. Luckily the teachers and school adapted pretty quickly and finished out the year reasonably well. It will be nice for the kids to go back to school soon. They've definitely been spending too much time together for their own good. Lots of short tempers and more squabbling than normal.

[DadJokes]

@Michael in ABQ how has the spread been on base over there? I would imagine that the base is essentially its own little bubble.

[PDXTabs]

Man, so sorry! What happened? Do you think the pandemic precipitated it, or just revealed intractable problems?

Sorry man!  What happened?  Pandemic and WFH is definitely not helping my relationship, but there were already underlying issues.

I knew that she had some mental health and behavioral problems when I married her, so that's on me. But when the lockdown started and we were both WFH (I always WFH), her issues came out in a way that was untenable. Also, this could go on through the winter. We didn't have any kids together, and I decided that I didn't need to be in that situation and moved out. It has since turned into a horrible protracted legal fight because her feelings are hurt.

EDITed to add - WSJ: The Strain the Covid Pandemic Is Putting on Marriages

[Bloop Bloop]

Pluses
- Less traffic
- Less work pressure and more even workflow
- More time/opportunity for exercise
- Less annoying instagram posts
- More peace and quiet

Minuses
- Can't go on road trips
- Can't go hiking
- My taxes will probably end up going up to pay for the deficit
- Some of my work has disappeared/been deferred, so probably lost 15-20% of my income (before tax) over an 8 week period
- Can't socialise with friends as easily

[asauer]

While we are more fortunate than most (both of us still have jobs), its really brought out the worst in my already crappy boss- he’s become more overtly racist, sexist and micro managey.  I now have to go into the office where very few are wearing masks.  I only have 18 months until I FIRE and thought I could stick it out b/c I’m compensated well but nope.  I cant.  I no longer have time for exercise and hobbies b/c of him amd having to manage my kids’ days (of course that is split w/ my hubby).  My depression has had a marked increase. So, I’m looking for another job. 

[Zamboni]

^Sorry to read that.

Unfortunately the pandemic has brought out some of the worst in the leadership at my employer as well.
Micromanaging at my local level? Check!
Other issues:
Refusal to really think through some of the major changes they are making, but still managing to make last minute decisions that send everyone scrambling. Also, refusal to think about what their decisions will do to the workload of some of the employees, refusal to replace people who have left, refusal to be realistic about what are customers can and will do to keep each other and our employees safe.

[Longwaytogo]

I don't know what happened to me in the last few years that changed my outlook on social isolation. I used to really lament it.

I guess it's just that I've always been the one they made fun of for the shitty marriage and the failed career and the bad kids. Oh and supposedly I was not mentally fit. Turns out that was all wrong. Never believe what others say about you.

Hear, hear!

I cannot overstate the cruciality of knowledge of self.

Time alone for reflection conduces to it.

Knowledge of self  is precedent of one's happiness and contentment.

Great post John. Knowledge of self really is a huge key to happiness. I've realized this myself but don't know that I've seen it summed up so concisely :)

[Michael in ABQ]

@Michael in ABQ how has the spread been on base over there? I would imagine that the base is essentially its own little bubble.

Basically. I cant go into specifics but it's pretty much nonexistent. Anyone arriving now has been tested a couple of times and gets tested again when they arrive. In some cases they go into quarantine when they get here.

[Zamboni]

Has anyone else been in quarantine or self isolation? My children and I did that in March when we got sick, couldn't get tested, and then finally got tested and had to wait another week for the results.

The hardest part about it was that it was during my kids' birthdays, so being between being sick and not being able to see anyone, what is normally a fun time was a bad experience. And I don't think I really ever made it up to them. Oh well.

I did read a news account of Kiwis (New Zealanders) trying to get back home from overseas, then being in real, government controlled quarantine at a hotel for two weeks completely alone.

[Hadilly]

My music teaching business has largely dried up. I am teaching a couple of times a week on zoom.

My children’s schools are all distance learning. Our youngest will go to a private tutoring center which costs a lot and I am scrambling to set up social/academic pods for the others so they will do their distance learning with peers.

My solo time has been drastically reduced. There has been a LOT of family time, too much for me sometimes.

My kids all got out of shape when shelter in place started and all their usual sports abruptly ended. Pulling out of that one thankfully.

I see my friends less, though we are doing masked, distance walks or playing singles tennis.

My arts work, which relies on shared studio space, was curtailed. I am going to set up a home studio in the next month or so.

I miss meeting friends for lunch, going to book club, day trips to San Francisco, stuff like that.

My kids can’t visit their grandparents, a cherished summer tradition, but one that is too risky now.

On the plus side, we are doing fine financially, my husband has enjoyed being home more, we are all healthy.

I think we are going to be distance learning all year which sucks.

[MaybeBabyMustache]

Pros:
-No commute
-No international travel for work
-Increased/more relaxed family time, without tons of activities
-Both of us have retained our jobs, and are able to WFH
-We've gotten to know our neighbors so much more, as we are home during the day, take walks around the block, etc.
-The kids have gotten into tennis, as it's considered a safe activity & there is a court a few blocks from our house
-I feel closer to my husband, due to much of the above
-I'm working out much more consistently, due to the schedule changes

Cons:
-We have teen kids, and the lack of social interaction has been very, very challenging for them
-The kids are a year apart, and are used to not spending all day just with each other. They got along pretty well in pre-COVID time, but all of that togetherness has been very hard on their relationship
-Online learning for a kid with ADHD is super challenging. He's starting high school, and we are very concerned
-We're investing quite a bit of money in additional support for the kids, knowing at least one and likely both will be online through January
-Both kids have lost a lot of fitness. They played club soccer year round, and while we attempted exercise in the early COVID days, it wasn't anywhere close to their normal: bike six miles to school, PE, school sports, club sports. Multiple games on weekends. They've both gained a few pounds. One was very thin to start, so not a huge deal. The other is now creeping into overweight. They are also home with access to food, which is very unusual in pre-COVID days. They snack. We're still working through best ways to address this, in a healthy way. We are dialing the fitness way up
-The lack of time with family & friends, our sadness for all of those who are truly suffering, & just feeling like life is so out of control. All of those things have introduced an underlying anxiety that didn't exist into our lives.

[dcheesi]

Pros:
-No commute
-Less traffic when I do drive
-Less transit & travel spending => less total spending
-Was able to care for my elderly dad when he needed it
-Prefer WfH (fewer distractions, plus something about my physical office environment stresses me out)

Cons:
-Lack of access to work equipment (made certain tasks difficult, especially early on)
-Derailed plans to find a shared LTC setting for dad and mom
-Unable to visit mom in her current nursing home (which she hates, but is one of the few with no COVID cases)
-harder to maintain exercise & diet routines (many of which were centered around the office)
-Miss live music & dancing (our favorite out-of-the-house pastime)
-Disruption of my SO's daughters' college experience & education
-Fear and anxiety when around other people
-Delayed and disrupted vacation plans
-Seemingly more reckless drivers on the freeways (or just less constrained by traffic and/or law enforcement?)

[Fru-Gal]

Ooh, tennis! I will look into that for my kid. Also gonna look into pandemic pods.

WRT crazy drivers, I agree -- more space to speed, plus a ton of what I call "exhibition driving", probably because it's an activity that hasn't been shut down and is something to do instead of clubbing, etc.

[Freedomin5]

Has anyone else been in quarantine or self isolation?

Yes, when we came back to China in March, we spent two days in a centralized quarantine hotel while waiting for our NAT results. That was fine, though a bit boring. I was quarantined in a hotel room with my five year old daughter, and DH had his own hotel room. Daughter celebrated her birthday in mandatory quarantine. The centralized quarantine location had internet and a TV, and we brought a laptop and iPad, as well as a few card games, coloring books and pencils, etc. We did exercise videos on YouTube or the Chinese equivalent of YouTube to get some exercise. We also brought lots of snacks. We could see other hotel rooms through our window, so many of the foreigners in quarantine would open their windows and shout at chat with each other.

Since the results were negative, we were escorted home via a dedicated bus to complete a mandatory, government-regulated home quarantine. The installed a video camera on our door to ensure that we didn’t leave the apartment, and someone came over twice a day to check our temperatures.

It was great. Luckily we live in a large apartment (~1200 square feet) so there’s lots of room to spread out, and we have a balcony where we can get sunshine and fresh air. The security guards delivered our groceries to our door and the cleaning ladies took away our trash since we couldn’t leave the apartment to throw away our own trash. The only downside was that we ran out of the 20L bottles of drinking water since they couldn’t collect our bottles to refill (everything in the apartment including our bottles were also under quarantine), so we were buying smaller 5L bottles and going through one a day — lots of plastic.

[MissPeach]

Pros:
No Commute - more sleep and less driving
Not needing fancy clothing
Simple social events like walks which is more fun for me than a noisy bar
Seeing kiddo more
Kiddo having less time in school (kiddo likes this)
Was able to find a new job with a company that seems pretty cool

Cons:
It's difficult to get alone time in the house for personal time, work meetings, etc.
The old job was limiting home equipment which made it harder to work
Have a lot more work since the house gets dirty faster, kiddo needs homework and school work help, etc. All of it is falling on me.
A lot of the kid exchanges with XH were through the school so now I have to drive to XH's house more which is far away.
Food costs are higher lately
We see friends less often
I have a relative in a care home. I'm too far to go often but I know it's hard on them and other family who are local since they can't visit in person.

Man, so sorry! What happened? Do you think the pandemic precipitated it, or just revealed intractable problems?

Sorry man!  What happened?  Pandemic and WFH is definitely not helping my relationship, but there were already underlying issues.

I knew that she had some mental health and behavioral problems when I married her, so that's on me. But when the lockdown started and we were both WFH (I always WFH), her issues came out in a way that was untenable. Also, this could go on through the winter. We didn't have any kids together, and I decided that I didn't need to be in that situation and moved out. It has since turned into a horrible protracted legal fight because her feelings are hurt.

EDITed to add - WSJ: The Strain the Covid Pandemic Is Putting on Marriages

Not married but am in a similar boat. Had a few reservations but not enough to end the relationship or pause it from moving forward. Everyone home amplified the negative and really gave me pause about being in this relationship.

[mm1970]

Has anyone else been in quarantine or self isolation? My children and I did that in March when we got sick, couldn't get tested, and then finally got tested and had to wait another week for the results.

The hardest part about it was that it was during my kids' birthdays, so being between being sick and not being able to see anyone, what is normally a fun time was a bad experience. And I don't think I really ever made it up to them. Oh well.

I did read a news account of Kiwis (New Zealanders) trying to get back home from overseas, then being in real, government controlled quarantine at a hotel for two weeks completely alone.

I've got friends who sent their kids to NZ and did that.  Dad (who is from NZ) and kids (with dual citizenship) spent 2 weeks at a hotel.  Then left the kids with aunt/uncle and dad flew back home to the US.  Kids have been able to go to school and have a blast.  Parents going out for a visit soon.

[Imma]

We lost a close relative to Covid early on in the pandemic. They were sick before we even went into lockdown. But working from home, with not a lot to do because my employer is doing really badly because of this, has given me the space to properly grieve. Under normal circumstances I may have been able to take a few days PTO between the death and the funeral but I would have been expected to be back at work a few days later and pretend there's nothing wrong. The grieving process is still very odd though. We were only able to have a short burial ceremony with a handful of younger family members there, who were all very careful about social distancing. I'm still waiting for a proper memorial but that may never happen - could be at least a year from now before that's safe and the older generation feels safe to attend. Not sure if people are still interested in a memorial so long after death.

I've heard I'll lose my job soon, but thankfully I've already found a new job in a sector that seems pretty much Covid proof. My partner is still in work even though his company has been hurt a lot - but we have good social security so he'd get unemployment for quite some time and we could live off one income.

Spending all my time at home has been great for my mental and physical health. I've lost quite a bit of weight without dieting and I spend a lot of time gardening. It's also been very good for our relationship as normally we hardly see each other because we work different schedules. I know I won't be bored in retirement! Thankfully we have a relatively big house for a central location in urban Europe (800 square foot over 2 floors) so we have plenty of space for our own activities. Because we have two floors we're not bothered as much by noise, like someone playing music the other doesn't like, sewing machine, video game noise. We have friends who live in a single floor apartment without outdoor space and 2 or 3 kids, the same size or even smaller than our home. That would drive me mad. 

[SwordGuy]

Neighbor lost his wife to covid.    Have one friend, an ex-nurse, who has had it.   One of our rental homes is occupied (gratis) by medical people working with covid patients.   They wanted a place to stay so they don't infect their family when they come home from work.   Have several friends who have lost relatives or whose relatives have gotten really sick from it.

Have several friends in the medical industry and they are mad as hell that so many of the general public are not taking this epidemic seriously.   One's a nurse in a SC hospital and he's working crazy hours because of it.

As for us, we retired 2 years before this mess started so we don't have work or finance issues related to it.   Kids are well past school age though 2 of the grandkids aren't.   We're not visiting with family or anyone else.   

As some of you know we've been renovating houses and renting them out of flipping them.    We're not going to renovate any more until this epidemic is under control.   Most tradespeople in this area seem to be pretty much pro-Trump so they aren't taking it seriously.   It's obvious they don't normally wear masks and don't practice social distancing.    I don't need the money so there's no reason to volunteer to hang around people whose actions make them more likely to get and share covid.

We had some travel planned and that won't take place this year.   Curtailing family visits for now.

[pachnik]

So far no one that I know has had covid.   I've been working the entire time since I'm in an essential service (not medical though).  My husband was laid off due to covid but then found another job he liked better anyway.  He's WFH 100% and loves it. 

We visit with family outside in back yards.  Not sure how we'll do this in the wet months?  We had a cruise booked to Alaska which was cancelled.  No holiday plans since my husband started the new job a month ago.  Next year, we'd like to take a road trip next year to Alberta if it okay to do that.  If that isn't a good idea then, we'll stay in our own province.

I am pretty careful - social distancing, mask-wearing, handwashing, listening to our public health officer.   I go to 2 12-step fellowships and we are doing our meetings on Zoom.  I definitely miss the camaraderie of all being in the same room together. 

[RedmondStash]

Definite mixed bag for me.

Social isolation has actually been largely good for me & also for spouse. We get along and spend most of our time doing our own things in a house large enough that we're not tripping over each other all the time. We FIREd a couple of years ago.

But -- a close friend of mine got COVID early on and is still quite sick in constantly evolving ways 5 months later. I'm scared I'll get a call one day that she has died.

Spouse & I are very fortunate. We don't have to go out much, we can have groceries delivered, we live in a quiet suburb where we can walk the dog without any social distancing issues, our lives are largely peaceful.

But every time I do go out, the reality smacks me in the face. It's disorienting. Grocery shopping has become surreal, almost dreamlike. Despite being in a fortunate situation, I can't help but notice that the world is on fire around me, and that is both scary and disheartening.

[cats]

I feel guilty saying this and I do wonder if I am courting disaster by writing this out but...so far the pandemic has brought more positives than negatives.  I was getting increasingly worn out by commuting and my job is now fully remote through at least the end of 2020.  Not having to be out the door by 6:12AM to catch a bus into the city is pretty awesome.  I also have a fairly high level of job security (and a pretty sizeable stash) so I am not feeling the pressure to somehow prove extra productivity that some people seem to describe feeling when working from home.

We have a young son and pre-pandemic he was in a fairly large preschool, which we selected because the hours were compatible with our commutes.  They are still closed (I think figuring out how to be profitable as a childcare operation is increasingly challenging the larger your facility...).  But we found an opening at a homebased preschool in our neighborhood and it's overall a much better fit for our kid.  The hours are not as long as at our old place but as we're no longer commuting, we don't need the longer hours.  I suspect having a slightly shorter schoolday is helping him to enjoy it more.  We did have three months with no childcare but honestly, it was not too bad as we were both able to negotiate genuine reductions in our workloads.  So I basically had three months of spending more relaxed time outside with my kid.  After the first couple of weeks adjusting, I think it was good for all of us?  Kid did actually seem to enjoy it (though he loves new preschool also, and I think the novelty of not going to preschool was starting to wear a bit thin with him).  I would be highly surprised if they make it through the whole winter with zero cases or suspected cases so I'm sure we'll be having plenty of time all together on and off throughout the winter.

Overall, my physical and mental health have improved from not having to get into the office and it's definitely making me lean more and more towards FIRE.  I wrote in my personal journal a while back that if I was asked to go back to the office more than two days a week that would likely be my quitting point.  Now I'm leaning more towards one day being my breaking point.  So the pandemic may well be what finally forces me to RE (we have, according to our calculations, been FI for a couple of years, but have been wrapping up various loose ends that are easier to deal with while employed).


I do sometimes miss seeing people in person.  I have regular phone walks with one friend in another state and have had some online knitting circles with friends, so that's nice.  And of course I have a spouse I still enjoy being married to so that really keeps the feelings of isolation at bay.  We were not super extroverted/social types anyway so social distancing has not been a huge adjustment, but it has been noticeable. I don't know when we will next visit my in-laws, who live overseas.  We had been planning a long visit to them this fall and I am kind of sad thinking of how much fun my son would have had with his grandparents.

Kid is scheduled to start kindergarten in 2021 and I don't expect things to be totally back to "normal" by then so I think that might be a real reckoning point for us in terms of experiencing an ongoing negative consequence.  And of course if we or someone we know gets a serious/fatal case that's definitely going to be a negative impact, I am kind of amazed we have avoided that outcome so far.

[ketchup]

Girlfriend and I were dog-sick in early March.  Back when we had triple-digit daily testing numbers in the US.  She had just gotten back from Germany and Belgium, spending hours on flights, trains, etc. in close proximity to thousands of people.  My symptoms started about two days after hers did.  By far, the sickest either of us have ever been as adults (we're in our late 20s).  Couldn't get tested, only treated with OTC cold/cough meds and hundreds of cough drops.  Symptoms slowly went away with the cough being the last to go weeks later.  We'll never know if we actually had it or not.

I worked on split shifts for a couple months, which was lonely, weird, and badly timed (1pm-7:30pm was rough).  Back on-site now, but with masks/etc.  Her work basically fell to zero (self-employed photographer who normally travels a lot for work).  Luckily she's eligible for UI via PUA, which mostly made her whole with the boosted UI.

Other than that, just the usual.  No travel plans, haven't visited family as much as I'd like to.  My grandpa turns 100 in a couple months and I'm not sure what we'll end up doing for that.  Lots of video games and outdoor activities at home (luckily we live in the middle of nowhere).

[Imma]

@ketchup we'll never know for sure but I'm pretty sure you had it. I'm from that general corner of Europe and looking back, by mid-Feb it was widespread there. They now estimate that at least 50k people were infected in the southern part of the Netherlands, right next to Belgium and Germany, by the first week of March. Maybe 2 million people live there. And that was before lockdown.

It's pure luck I didn't catch it. Nearly everyone I know in my hometown has had it, or has a very strong suspicion, like you have. There was hardly any flu last winter. This week the first few people I know tested positive for the second time. So far their second infection is a lot less bad than the first (hardly any symptoms) so the antibodies do seem to work.

[Dicey]

I have never, ever been so happy to be FIRE as I am now.

I am glad we moved MIL into a Board & Care in Q4 of last year. I could not have coped with her and her pal Al Z. Heimer under quarantine conditions.

I've always considered myself an extrovert with some introvert tendencies. Apparently, I was wrong. I have embraced my inner introvert with surprisingly relative ease. Who knew?

And OMG, my husband was so, so worth waiting for!

[MrTurtle]

I feel guilty saying this and I do wonder if I am courting disaster by writing this out but...so far the pandemic has brought more positives than negatives.

You're not alone.  I posted in another thread about how I got laid off from a crappy job designing timeshare scam resorts (they're called "vacation clubs" now), got unemployment+600/week for 2 months, and then found a much higher paying job designing hospitals and American manufacturing plants, which is much more rewarding.  I am working from home now, until I can move to the lower COL city where my new job is.

You shouldn't feel bad about playing it right and coming out ahead.   Give yourself credit for being well-prepared, and being clever enough to make the right decisions.

[MayDay]

We're introverts but not being able to travel really messed with my mental health.

Summer has been fine but I am terrified for winter.

My kids did not handle distance learning Wella d it was difficult to work full time while managing that.

Not commuting was nice and I hope partial WFH continues. I don't care for 100% WFH.

I am terrified for winter in MN on lockdown. Yes I'm an introvert but the way I cope with SAD is traveling to warm places in winter.

[ChickenStash]

The only real change to my life has been going to WFH full time. The lack of commute is nice but now I pretty much never personally interact with other people except saying hi to the grocery checker, now. I've been able to do some outdoors activities with friends occasionally but not all that often. Other than that, it's just phone or maybe some IM with coworkers. It's a little lonely.

[Kris]

We are honestly incredibly lucky. DH is retired, I'm self-employed and work from home. We have plenty of money and my income hasn't been impacted by Covid. We live in the center of a city, in an area that's walkable, and where it's quite easy to get groceries or anything else we want through curbside pickup, delivery, or any other option we choose. We're both very careful to social distance, and we actually listen to science rather than conspiracy theories, so that's an added layer of protection. I'm an introvert, DH is not super extroverted, so psychologically, we're doing better than most.

That said, I'm quite aware that we're in this period of social distancing for the long haul. We will continue to have dumb waves of people not paying attention to guidelines, and the absolute earliest we're likely to get a vaccine is probably late summer 2021. So this is what our lives are going to be like for the foreseeable future. Right now, in the summer, it's okay. But I'm already worried about how it's going to be this winter, when we're even more isolated. I think it's going to be pretty brutal, psychologically. DH and I have been talking about strategies to combat that, so we won't be overwhelmed or blindsided when it happens.