Author Topic: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?  (Read 10450 times)

herbgeek

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 90
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #50 on: February 10, 2019, 05:51:11 AM »
I minimized getting called out by moving out to the sticks, instead of a cookie cutter development.  We have some eccentrics on our street, so I don't stand out.  :)

My sister is the only one who still gives me a hard time.  She's made fun of my Honda's, and that I don't spend much money on surface things.   She makes imo, frequent bad financial decisions.  She frequently says she's be working until she is at least 82 (student loans for her son).  I will be retiring in a few months at 58.  As just one small example:  At Christmas, she dropped $200 on small gifts for this family game we played.  Putting in small candy bars instead of larger gift cards would have made it just as fun.  The fun part is watching the small kids get really excited.

In my garden, I have the quote "let your life speak".  Its a Quaker saying.  I don't need to convince anyone of anything.  I choose my possessions carefully and only when I'm convinced there is utility to me.

Malkynn

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 311
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #51 on: February 10, 2019, 06:18:30 AM »
My reply:

"Yeah, but do you have nearly a half million in debt?
No?
Well neither do I anymore"

sol

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8032
  • Age: 42
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #52 on: February 10, 2019, 09:42:23 AM »
Godwin's Law alert!

I was merely stating that promulgating negative stereotypes about Jews is the literal definition of anti-semitism.  Godwin's law is about logical overreach, but there is no logical overreach in highlighting the literal definition of words.  I did not equate it to Nazism, as marty did, but to anti-semitism.

"Godwin's Law alert!" is something you say when someone online makes a logically incoherent comparison between the topic at hand and Nazis.  This, however, was literally a discussion about hating Jews, and I just reminded the poster that this is textbook anti-semitism.  You wouldn't shout "Godwin's Law!" in the middle of a discussion about Mein Kampf, would you?  That's literally the topic at hand. 

Don't get so wrapped up in what you think is a clever neologism that you misapply it when you get confused about the issue under discussion.

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4443
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #53 on: February 10, 2019, 12:22:18 PM »
To OP's question- Perhaps your doing something for this to be happening. I did not read all the responses so maybe you discussed it but i am being serious when I say I have never been criticized but actually the opposite. Maybe because I was 50 it wasn't such a big deal BUT in my area , size of homes, The spending etc... I am surely against the grain. I honestly get a feeling that more people wish they had better control in there life when it comes to just applying some practical habits to making their life easier when in fact its there making most likely the wrong assumption of what there friends would think of them if they became more responsible.

happyuk

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 27
  • Age: 50
  • Location: UK
    • Software and IT recipes
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #54 on: February 10, 2019, 02:02:52 PM »
Hi soccerluv, I probably didn't make myself that clear in the original post.  It's not something been a frequent thing for me.  And like you say, most people are positive about it.  But there have been instances where I have been berated for not buying shit that I don't need - smartphones for example.  Those types of people I tend not to cultivate as friends anyway, so it's never something that happens often.

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4962
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #55 on: February 10, 2019, 03:44:39 PM »
I had actually forgotten that we went through this when we retired at 58 and downsized our house to a 1400 sq ft 1950ís ranch right in town walking distance to many places. We didnít need a big house and my husband remodeled it himself. They thought we should not do either thing and left me a message at work when they knew I wouldnít be there.  Yeah I should keep working in order to have a big house-not!  They were 10 years older and inherited money so bought a 3000 sq ft home and rented out there other house. Our friendship didnít survive.

SpareChange

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 407
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #56 on: February 10, 2019, 05:22:17 PM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too." 

ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1396
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #57 on: February 10, 2019, 06:15:25 PM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.

Dicey

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9467
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #58 on: February 10, 2019, 09:21:27 PM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.
Ha! Same here. DH drives a 2002 Ford F150. It has less than 90k miles on it and still looks great! Our biggest fear is that it will get stolen. That sucker is a reliable workhorse, and we hope to get at least another decade out of it. When we needed to haul some stuff 400 miles that needed to be protected, he bought an old, bleached out red fiberglass hi-top shell for $200 and painted it to match his truck. It's a sweet rig with a cute guy inside. Of course he does all the maintenance on our cars.

RyanAtTanagra

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1017
  • Location: SF Bay, CA
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #59 on: February 10, 2019, 09:58:57 PM »
"My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Lol, thank you, both those made me legit laugh out loud.  I'm going to try to remember them.

dignam

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 163
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #60 on: February 11, 2019, 06:33:40 AM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.

omg this x1000.  I rode in a co-worker's 2 year old SUV the other day...and it was an absolute disaster inside.  Looked like a landfill.  Same guy gets in my 15 year old Jeep and notes how ridiculously clean it is.

Trifele

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1920
  • Location: US
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #61 on: February 11, 2019, 07:08:10 AM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.

omg this x1000.  I rode in a co-worker's 2 year old SUV the other day...and it was an absolute disaster inside.  Looked like a landfill.  Same guy gets in my 15 year old Jeep and notes how ridiculously clean it is.

Aha -- disconnect on the word "shitty".  When I was called out on my "shitty car" by a co-worker years ago, it was because it was an older econo-hatch, rather than a luxuromobile.   My car was clean and all, just basic and cheap.   Co-worker's exact words were "Why are you slumming around in that piece of shit?  You can afford better."

LadyMuMu

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 194
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #62 on: February 11, 2019, 07:28:37 AM »
I was at a championship event for a my kid's activity which I coach. A group of parents marveled/snickered at my iPhone 4s with the cracked screen when i couldn't pull up a photo as quickly as they could. One actually said, you know I have old discarded phones two years newer than that one!

At first it stung, but then I realized part of the reason I was able to spend 5-8 hours a week doing something really fun and meaningful with my kids (and theirs!) was because I didn't feel the need to buy the newest and latest and greatest when good enough will do. I smiled politely and kept my mind to myself. But that person's character was certainly diminished in my eyes.

rothwem

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 481
  • Location: WNC
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #63 on: February 11, 2019, 07:33:09 AM »
This whole post just seems foreign to me.  People actually criticize you, like out loud, for being frugal?  I don't think that has ever happened to me.

This exactly.  Only a very douchey group of people will genuinely criticize you for being frugal.

However, I have called people cheap when they screw other people over with their cheapness.  IE, not paying rent to a roommate because they're being "frugal".  They never drive anywhere because their shitty car literally can't make the trip.  They go with you to a bar/restaurant and don't order anything because they're being "frugal", but then eat all the nachos/wings/fries. 

Thank goodness I don't hang out with anyone like that anymore, but I used to see it all the time when I was in my early 20s and a lot of people in my social circle had shit jobs or were in grad school. 

Arbitrage

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 341
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #64 on: February 11, 2019, 07:46:09 AM »
I just say I'm Dutch.  And where I'm at in the US that means of Dutch decent and it's a local stereotypical thing based on whatever Dutch group settled in this area.

Ha - I know where you're from.  I'm from there, too.  I don't live there anymore, so such an excuse wouldn't mean much around here.

Personally, I've just reached the point where I don't care if they think I'm cheap.  I've got my own life, and my own plan.  The only real issues are whether they can influence my wife or kids with their attitudes, or whether I can avoid becoming preachy in return, which is always a struggle, and always unwelcome. 

Mississippi Mudstache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2117
  • Age: 35
  • Location: Danielsville, GA
    • A Riving Home - Ramblings of a Recusant Woodworker
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #65 on: February 11, 2019, 08:00:58 AM »
I really can't remember getting made fun of for being frugal. Aside from our cars (which are 8 and 12 years old), we really don't look any different from any of our friends. We have a gorgeous home with 8 acres and a creek (which we bought for less than 3x my annual salary). Our kids are well-dressed in mostly clean hand-me-downs (which look exactly the same as new clothes, once the new clothes have been used). We eat delicious home-cooked meals from fresh ingredients (which my wife plans ahead every 2 weeks to take advantage of sales and coupons at the grocery store). We have fancy smartphones (and a discount network provider). We don't eat out frequently, but we have four kids, so no one expects us to. I wouldn't even know how to respond to a comment about being "cheap", but I'd probably take it as a compliment.

Kay-Ell

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 130
  • Semi-retired in 2017
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #66 on: February 11, 2019, 08:14:13 AM »
I have a slightly different perspective here. I canít say that Iím really criticized for my spending habits, or if I am itís subtle and infrequent enough that I canít recall the occasion. Many of my friends remark that Iím ďgood with moneyĒ so Iíve decided to make the choice to bring up frugality and conscious spending in casual conversation whenever it applies.  I like to weave environmentalism in there too. I got almost all of my furniture at estate sales or off of craigslist/FB marketplace, and Iíll be the first to bring that up when someone compliments my home. Iíll say ďthanks, I found that at an estate sale for $40. Even a cheap ikea version would be several hundred dollars and it would have been made in a factory with a lot of harmful glues and synthetic stuff.Ē  Before I finally replaced my 14 year old car, if anyone would comment about it Iíd say ďYeah, Iíll have to replace it one of these days before it starts needing costly repairs but I bought it 9.5 years ago for $4,000. Iím trying to get to 10 years so I can brag about spending $400/year on my car. Some people spend that much every month on their car payment.Ē When I decline an invitation to a restaurant Iíll casually add ďIím trying to spend less on restaurants and cook more at home right now. Itís healthier, and Iíve decided to prioritize saving up for a trip to XYZ next year.Ē Every Christmas and birthday I make a point of always telling people that I already have every material thing I could possibly want and that I just want to spend time with them as my present. For my daughter I havenít had such good luck curbing the stream of presents but I try to point out that she already has tons of toys she doesnít use, but would love to go do XYZ with them to build lasting memories.

I figure, on any given day we receive hundreds of carefully crafted, subliminal messages that are pro-consumerism and equate happiness with purchases... love with spending. I like to be one happy voice advocating for the opposite. Showing off and bragging about our fancy, expensive belongings seems to be completely socially acceptable. Whereas talking about avoiding debt, budgeting and conscious spending is a little taboo. Iíve been pleasantly surprised how often my comments break the ice and open the door for others to talk about their financial realities with less embarrassment.

ďWow, you want to eat less at restaurants too? Cool, letís pack a lunch and do a hike instead.Ē

ďYouíre considering a new car and worried about the payments? I get that. Have you considered saving the payment amount starting now to see how it feels? If you can do that while stretching your current car for another couple of years, you could probably find something nice for all cash.Ē

ďThe clutter is killing you too? I keep flirting with the idea of going full minimalist. There are a couple really cool blogs you should check out.Ē

martind

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 7
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #67 on: February 11, 2019, 09:05:34 AM »
You can't please everyone.  People are free to think I'm cheap.  I just stopped giving a shit long ago.
I love this comment.

I would add 2 things - where possible avoid people that have been seduced by the conspicuous consumption lifestyle.

Secondly, if you do get wound up by them, then use it for motivation (once retired you can send them pictures of your extended vacations, for them to view whilst slaving away at their desks... lol)

SpareChange

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 407
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #68 on: February 11, 2019, 10:11:13 AM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.

omg this x1000.  I rode in a co-worker's 2 year old SUV the other day...and it was an absolute disaster inside.  Looked like a landfill.  Same guy gets in my 15 year old Jeep and notes how ridiculously clean it is.

Aha -- disconnect on the word "shitty".  When I was called out on my "shitty car" by a co-worker years ago, it was because it was an older econo-hatch, rather than a luxuromobile.   My car was clean and all, just basic and cheap.   Co-worker's exact words were "Why are you slumming around in that piece of shit?  You can afford better."

Yes. This is the attitude I was referencing. The people in question have never seen the inside of my car, though it's not a landfill. They just work in the same field I do, and know that I could afford something "nicer." Next to their 35-40k brand new cars, my 12 old econobox just seems an odd choice. :)

Mississippi Mudstache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2117
  • Age: 35
  • Location: Danielsville, GA
    • A Riving Home - Ramblings of a Recusant Woodworker
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #69 on: February 11, 2019, 10:43:12 AM »
I find that people who know me as "no frills" generally respect my financial situation. If they question why I don't buy something, I just explain how I don't see the value in it. Now, I have gotten ribbed by friends or coworkers a few times for my car choices, to which I've variously replied, "My car is never going to be as shitty as your car payment," and, "Let's log into your 401k so I can get a good laugh too."

Part of it is that I don't drive a shitty car. If I had a dime for every time someone envied either of our cars, only to find out that theirs is actually newer, they just aren't caring for it, I would put it in an ETF and be closer to  fat FI.

omg this x1000.  I rode in a co-worker's 2 year old SUV the other day...and it was an absolute disaster inside.  Looked like a landfill.  Same guy gets in my 15 year old Jeep and notes how ridiculously clean it is.

Aha -- disconnect on the word "shitty".  When I was called out on my "shitty car" by a co-worker years ago, it was because it was an older econo-hatch, rather than a luxuromobile.   My car was clean and all, just basic and cheap.   Co-worker's exact words were "Why are you slumming around in that piece of shit?  You can afford better."

Yes. This is the attitude I was referencing. The people in question have never seen the inside of my car, though it's not a landfill. They just work in the same field I do, and know that I could afford something "nicer." Next to their 35-40k brand new cars, my 12 old econobox just seems an odd choice. :)

My 2007 Prius looks like shit, because I use it like a pickup truck. I carry chicken feed, lumber, potting soil, and trash to the dump (no curbside service in the boonies). It has dings and chips from hail damage, a dented hood from a collision with a deer, a broken bumper from a raccoon incident (patched with zip-ties), and it hasn't been washed in, oh, about 5 years, because we live on a dirt road and washing cars is pointless. But I keep the oil changed and the tires rotated and it's still running nice and smooth after 220,000 miles. Importantly, I tie 0% of my self-worth to my car's appearance, and view it only as a convenient tool for modern life.

Dabnasty

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1438
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #70 on: February 11, 2019, 10:46:51 AM »

My 2007 Prius looks like shit, because I use it like a pickup truck. I carry chicken feed, lumber, potting soil, and trash to the dump (no curbside service in the boonies). It has dings and chips from hail damage, a dented hood from a collision with a deer, a broken bumper from a raccoon incident (patched with zip-ties), and it hasn't been washed in, oh, about 5 years, because we live on a dirt road and washing cars is pointless. But I keep the oil changed and the tires rotated and it's still running nice and smooth after 220,000 miles. Importantly, I tie 0% of my self-worth to my car's appearance, and view it only as a convenient tool for modern life.

Wow, how big was that raccoon? Does "incident" mean something other than a collision?

Mississippi Mudstache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2117
  • Age: 35
  • Location: Danielsville, GA
    • A Riving Home - Ramblings of a Recusant Woodworker
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #71 on: February 11, 2019, 11:42:34 AM »

My 2007 Prius looks like shit, because I use it like a pickup truck. I carry chicken feed, lumber, potting soil, and trash to the dump (no curbside service in the boonies). It has dings and chips from hail damage, a dented hood from a collision with a deer, a broken bumper from a raccoon incident (patched with zip-ties), and it hasn't been washed in, oh, about 5 years, because we live on a dirt road and washing cars is pointless. But I keep the oil changed and the tires rotated and it's still running nice and smooth after 220,000 miles. Importantly, I tie 0% of my self-worth to my car's appearance, and view it only as a convenient tool for modern life.


Wow, how big was that raccoon? Does "incident" mean something other than a collision?

LOL. It was probably a 20-lb raccoon, and I hit it doing 70 MPH on the interstate. I didn't want to use the word "collision" twice in a row so I called it an "incident" instead. "Accident" or "wreck" makes it sounds like the car might have slowed down. I can assure you that the raccoon had little effect on the car's momentum, but unfortunately the same could not be said for the bumper. (20 lbs of raccoon * 70 mph = 2400 foot-lbs of force)

Cool Friend

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 171
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #72 on: February 12, 2019, 11:37:10 AM »
It's my experience that it doesn't matter what you do in life, there will be someone to criticize you for it.  So, might as well do whatever the fuck you want.

Bird In Hand

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 533
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #73 on: February 12, 2019, 12:04:52 PM »

My 2007 Prius looks like shit, because I use it like a pickup truck. I carry chicken feed, lumber, potting soil, and trash to the dump (no curbside service in the boonies). It has dings and chips from hail damage, a dented hood from a collision with a deer, a broken bumper from a raccoon incident (patched with zip-ties), and it hasn't been washed in, oh, about 5 years, because we live on a dirt road and washing cars is pointless. But I keep the oil changed and the tires rotated and it's still running nice and smooth after 220,000 miles. Importantly, I tie 0% of my self-worth to my car's appearance, and view it only as a convenient tool for modern life.


Wow, how big was that raccoon? Does "incident" mean something other than a collision?

LOL. It was probably a 20-lb raccoon, and I hit it doing 70 MPH on the interstate. I didn't want to use the word "collision" twice in a row so I called it an "incident" instead. "Accident" or "wreck" makes it sounds like the car might have slowed down. I can assure you that the raccoon had little effect on the car's momentum, but unfortunately the same could not be said for the bumper. (20 lbs of raccoon * 70 mph = 2400 foot-lbs of force)

I hit a raccoon at ~60MPH in a small sedan.  Damaged the fascia, radiator, and oil pan -- check engine light came on within seconds and I had to have it towed.  I can't remember the exact amount, but insurance paid ~$2,500 for repairs.

FreshPrincess

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 73
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #74 on: February 12, 2019, 12:44:35 PM »
I guess I "handle it" by not giving AF.

I drive a 99 Camry among a sea of leased shiny mobiles.  We have no kids, don't go out to eat, turn down activities when it's not in the budget... but we aren't cheap-asses or obnoxious. I place my money where I see value.  They seem to do the same - we just value different things. I certainly don't think less of them... so I guess I just assume they don't think less of me. 

And if they do think we are obnoxious or think less of me... please refer to my initial statement. IDGAF.

DadJokes

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 183
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #75 on: February 12, 2019, 01:08:17 PM »

My 2007 Prius looks like shit, because I use it like a pickup truck. I carry chicken feed, lumber, potting soil, and trash to the dump (no curbside service in the boonies). It has dings and chips from hail damage, a dented hood from a collision with a deer, a broken bumper from a raccoon incident (patched with zip-ties), and it hasn't been washed in, oh, about 5 years, because we live on a dirt road and washing cars is pointless. But I keep the oil changed and the tires rotated and it's still running nice and smooth after 220,000 miles. Importantly, I tie 0% of my self-worth to my car's appearance, and view it only as a convenient tool for modern life.


Wow, how big was that raccoon? Does "incident" mean something other than a collision?

LOL. It was probably a 20-lb raccoon, and I hit it doing 70 MPH on the interstate. I didn't want to use the word "collision" twice in a row so I called it an "incident" instead. "Accident" or "wreck" makes it sounds like the car might have slowed down. I can assure you that the raccoon had little effect on the car's momentum, but unfortunately the same could not be said for the bumper. (20 lbs of raccoon * 70 mph = 2400 foot-lbs of force)

I hit a raccoon at ~60MPH in a small sedan.  Damaged the fascia, radiator, and oil pan -- check engine light came on within seconds and I had to have it towed.  I can't remember the exact amount, but insurance paid ~$2,500 for repairs.

Totally derailing this topic, but I was riding a motorcycle years ago on a highway and hit a bird. The motorcycle didn't hit it; I did. It hit right on my shin and exploded in a mess of blood and feathers. It hurt like hell and was a pain to clean up.

Fuck that bird.

MaybeBabyMustache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1607
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #76 on: February 12, 2019, 01:32:54 PM »
We take good care of our things (our neighbors recently asked to buy our 1999 Lexus, while my husband was washing it). We also just don't care & still do plenty of things that make us happy. (Nice travel, etc.) We are known for being good with our money & prioritizing the things we care about. I help coach a few others on how to set up a budget, track spending, etc. No one in my family would criticize (they ask for advice, more often) & most of our friends are in a similar situation.

It's a bit different at work, where people are pulling in big salaries. I find that there are a few buckets of people: 1) those that are clueless/just haven't thought about how to prioritize their expenses to best match what they care about 2) those who spend like the truly rich (but aren't) & 3) those who are more roughly aligned with how we spend, and are on track to retire soon. 
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 04:24:48 PM by MaybeBabyMustache »

happy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4543
  • Location: NSW Australia
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #77 on: February 12, 2019, 03:51:37 PM »
I've always felt I'm different and often feel I don't really fit in, so when people make comments it just reinforces that notion which is normal for me!

I have had comments about my cars, but find that easy to handle by looking slightly bemused and as if its the first time I noticed I didn't have the latest shiniest car, and then saying in an absentminded way that I'm not really a car person. I've had lots of comments about my crappy phones over the years and I just make jokes about it. At various points I've held onto an old phone almost as a badge of pride and so that it has become a talking point and we can all have a laugh about it. Once my brother even had a go at me because I was using a tea towel with a hole in it, and I just retorted, "well it still works."

I'm used to confusing people and secretly rather enjoy doing that. I've been a sole parent which in my area holds negative connotations about being on struggle street. But even though I only worked part-time I was a high income earner and since I wasn't a complete spendthrift I did OK. So people would make assumptions about my lifestyle and then look confused when I didn't fit their projected model.

At work my position meant there was an expectation of a certain level of grooming and of course my peers were busy accumulating all the luxury lifestyle trappings. I basically targeted the lowest level I could get away with, and stayed fairly conservative with my style so that things didn't date so quickly. No one ever said anything so I guess I was successful. I didn't socialise with my peers because we were poles apart and I found conversation about cars/overseas resort holidays/renovations/the latest most expensive restaurant  etc etc just so boring.

As an example, I grew up with a family tradition of a frugal annual skiing holiday and once I was single in a weird way that became important to me. I maintained my membership in a club, which was cheap and so was the club accommodation on the ski field. I used to travel down to the mountains just before the season  to attend an annual ski sale of mostly second hand goods - mostly only known and frequented by the locals - and update all our skigear. So our annual weeks skiing was relatively cheap.  One of my colleagues came back from a ski holiday saying how great is was but that it was so expensive. She then looked at me with confusion and asked how come I could ski every year. I just laughed and said I didn't do it the way she did. She didn't get it. But then she was the person who complained she'd bought a big fancy house in a fancy suburb but now so many of the rooms were empty because she couldn't afford new furniture to fill it!

aGracefulStomp

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 89
  • Location: Australia
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #78 on: February 13, 2019, 02:37:56 AM »
I use to receive a lot of negative comments when I lived on a budget that was particularly small and had to say no to  a lot of things. I was open about why I was saying no ("that amount is not in my budget. Yes my budget is  small and that's because I'm trying to invest as much as possible to take advantage of compound interest"), which gave people the opportunity to give their opinion. To be fair, my budget was in the deprivation zone and I would have been wise to take note of their message. Now I'm out of the deprivation zone and I say "no" to things that I don't want to do, and the criticism has stopped.

So my take away is that the criticism can be a good opportunity to make sure you aren't falling into the deprivation zone.

Dances With Fire

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 211
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #79 on: February 13, 2019, 04:20:16 AM »
I donít hang out with people like that. I live in a pretty low income neighborhood, and I just donít hang out with people who define themselves by cars or houses or clothes.

This! I have written about our Spendy Pants SIL who sadly judges everyone by their *job*, how much they make or don't make, what they drive, or the size of their house...Seriously...And then she wonders why most everyone in our circle doesn't socialize with her anymore.

We have learned to just live our life and avoid people like this. Owning bigger, better "things" is a false path to any kind of contentment or happiness....
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 04:23:48 AM by Dances With Fire »

jojoguy

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #80 on: February 13, 2019, 04:58:44 AM »
I`ve always been somewhat cheap. I like to make people think that I have less money than I do. My car is a piece of junk that is falling apart with a rusty rooftop. I`m keeping it as long as possible. It is very humbling too, but whenever somebody flies by me in a big truck or a luxury car, I immediately wonder about how much debt they have because of that. :P

Hula Hoop

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 891
  • Location: Italy
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #81 on: February 13, 2019, 05:12:47 AM »
I'm kind of 'weird' anyway since I'm a foreigner so I'm off the hook for a lot of things.  For example, we don't own a car.  Until recently I had the handy excuse that I couldn't convert my US driving license for an Italian one and getting an Italian license is a long, expensive and painful affair (and my husband doesn't drive) but I recently got my Italian license so that excuse is gone.  But people tend to just think that everything I do is weird (eat weird non-Italian food, walk to things, speak English with my kids, give them healthy after school snacks rather than horrible pre-packaged unhealthy stuff, buy stuff second hand and on sale, not get a new cell phone, not buy designer sunglasses etc etc).

Most of the criticism I get comes from my mother.  She is on my case about not having a car and not having a cleaner, even though we work full time and have kids. I find it hard to respond to.  Part of the issue is that she has major anxiety issues and is worried that my lack of seeming wealthy means that we're in financial trouble.  She has lectured me in the past about my perceived lack of retirement savings.  She just assumed that we didn't save anything as our incomes are "so low' (compared to hers) and we're obviously poor due to our "impoverished" car-less lifestyle.  I felt like saying to her "so you want us to buy a car and have a weekly cleaner but, at the same time, you want us to save more for retirement? Those things are incompatible." But I don't think she sees the logic.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 05:18:06 AM by Hula Hoop »

terran

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1837
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #82 on: February 13, 2019, 06:19:42 AM »
Most of the criticism I get comes from my mother.

Is she based in your home country? Could you just reverse your experience with other people and say "yeah mom, that just how it is in Italy. People really don't hire cleaners, etc, etc."?

SwordGuy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4759
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
    • Flipping Fayetteville
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #83 on: February 13, 2019, 07:43:03 AM »
I just say I'm Dutch.  And where I'm at in the US that means of Dutch decent and it's a local stereotypical thing based on whatever Dutch group settled in this area.

That's not local.  The Dutch will tell you that copper wire was invented by two Dutchmen fighting over a penny. :)

The Dutch were known for getting their money's worth on whatever they bought.  Shrewd traders.

Linea_Norway

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4505
  • Location: Norway
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #84 on: February 13, 2019, 08:22:15 AM »
Most of the criticism I get comes from my mother.

Is she based in your home country? Could you just reverse your experience with other people and say "yeah mom, that just how it is in Italy. People really don't hire cleaners, etc, etc."?

I have a co-worker who is in his late fifties and has 2 adult children. He has one very frugal son and a (normal in his eyes) spendypants daughter. When he is talking about his children in the lunch break, he is often saying that his son is saving so much, that he doesn't have a life. He is seeing the frugality as something negative and abnormal. Whenever my co-worker needs to help his daughter out economically, he gives the same amount of money to his son, because that is fair. Then he forbids his son not to save that money, but spend it on something, like travel. Because saving such a gift would be boring and therefore stupid.
Obviously being frugal is so far from my co-worker's reality, that he finds it very hard to accept that he has produced such a child.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6263
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #85 on: February 13, 2019, 12:35:49 PM »
This whole post just seems foreign to me.  People actually criticize you, like out loud, for being frugal?  I don't think that has ever happened to me.

Or maybe it has and I just didn't notice, because I didn't care or I misunderstood their criticism as a compliment?

I live in a fancy house in a fancy neighborhood.  We have two cars, one of which is electric.  We take family vacations every year, my kids have new cell phones and fancy clothes, we're all in good healthy and reasonably well adjusted.  For all intents and purposes, we look and act like a moderately successful upper middle class family, because we are.  Who would possibly criticize us for being cheap?

Our regular family budget is also under $10k/year/person in a high cost of living area.  These days it's just not that expensive to have fancy things and live a fancy life, if you're not being wasteful with your money.  There are certainly people with more money than us, but I'm pretty sure even those people wouldn't consider my lifestyle impoverished.
It's been a long time since I was actively made fun of for this.  Occasionally I'll hear "treat yo-self" like "you should buy a new car". 

In the past, I was harassed for bringing my lunch every day.  But one day, about 10 years ago, my car was totaled in an accident (well, spouse's car).  We paid cash for the next car.  In the lunch room shortly thereafter, someone made a comment about my packed lunch. I  pointed out that I calculated that 5 years of packing lunches for me, spouse, and kid (only 1 at the time) equaled a new car.  That I just paid cash for.

Lots more people bring lunch nowadays.

marcela

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 655
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #86 on: February 13, 2019, 02:47:14 PM »
The best way I've found for dealing with it is to frame the decision, not based on price, but on personal preference. I keep my 12 year old hatchback because I do love my zippy little car, not because I'm cheap. I don't go out to lunch often because I like the food I prepare at home and I don't want to spend 20 minutes of my lunch break stuck in my car. We haven't upgraded x-electronic because what we have works great and we want to avoid creating waste. Etc, etc, etc...

I also bring up how living below our means allows us to be charitable and joyful in our giving. This often makes people feel guilty.
If people press, I point out that we save money because I have a disability that might make it so I have to stop working sooner than I would choose.

bb11

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 504
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #87 on: February 13, 2019, 03:32:31 PM »
When I lived closer to NYC (back in the '90s), my co-workers all made around the same amount of money, around $100k. I was amazed when they all started buying houses at the $450k price point, and having a brand new Lexus was considered normal, even if it was usually an ES300/330 back then. People thought nothing of eating out for lunch every day, with $5 iced-coffees for dessert.

I would have loved to have bought real estate in NYC on any budget in the 90's :) 5x yearly income in NYC is not even remotely possible today. Of course they had no idea. They can keep their cars though.
Huh? 5x income in NYC is totally possible, in fact it's easy. I'm looking at Zillow right now and there are 19 one bedrooms in lower Manhattan (defined as below Central Park) for less than $500k. In most of the rest of the city it's easy to find two or even three bedrooms for less than $500k. Sure it was much cheaper back in the 90s, but I don't agree with your second sentence at all. (Note: I am an NYC resident as well and have looked at open houses, though I don't currently own an apartment)

As to the OP, while I'm not always successful, mostly I try not to care about it. If people inquire honestly I'll tell them more about my beliefs, but the people that are just being snarky I mostly brush off. As someone else said, I don't think they really want to hear the answers anyway.

Wise Financial Man

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Location: SoCal
  • On the path to Financial Freedom!
    • Wise Financial Man
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #88 on: February 13, 2019, 03:55:45 PM »
Remember if you've adopted the frugal mindset, you will see the world different from others which is absolutely fine! They think it's about social status and if you have a nice car and house and all the other bs, then your wealthy. When in reality we know that's absolutely false. But rather they probably have numerous loans out in which they are living month to month. You on the other hand, who has adopted a frugal lifestyle, sees that wealth isn't based on how many toys you have, but rather the number in your bank account, and your money producing assets. In the long run you will be long ahead of people who are giving you a hard time calling you, "cheap"!

Mariposa

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 425
  • Location: NYC
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #89 on: February 13, 2019, 10:24:48 PM »
When I lived closer to NYC (back in the '90s), my co-workers all made around the same amount of money, around $100k. I was amazed when they all started buying houses at the $450k price point, and having a brand new Lexus was considered normal, even if it was usually an ES300/330 back then. People thought nothing of eating out for lunch every day, with $5 iced-coffees for dessert.

I would have loved to have bought real estate in NYC on any budget in the 90's :) 5x yearly income in NYC is not even remotely possible today. Of course they had no idea. They can keep their cars though.
Huh? 5x income in NYC is totally possible, in fact it's easy. I'm looking at Zillow right now and there are 19 one bedrooms in lower Manhattan (defined as below Central Park) for less than $500k. In most of the rest of the city it's easy to find two or even three bedrooms for less than $500k. Sure it was much cheaper back in the 90s, but I don't agree with your second sentence at all. (Note: I am an NYC resident as well and have looked at open houses, though I don't currently own an apartment)

As to the OP, while I'm not always successful, mostly I try not to care about it. If people inquire honestly I'll tell them more about my beliefs, but the people that are just being snarky I mostly brush off. As someone else said, I don't think they really want to hear the answers anyway.

I'm a NYC resident too, and we bought a few years ago. Agree that 1bd in Manhattan can be had for less than $500k, but you'd be getting a 400sq ft box with maintenance (which includes property taxes) of $900 a month or more. You CAN find a 2 or 3bd in the city for less than $500k, but you'd have to look in the Bronx, distant Brooklyn, or non-prime Queens. FWIW, we offered up to 1mil for a 2bd when we were looking & found that we were priced out of Manhattan south of 100th street and prime Brooklyn. We maybe could have done a junior 2bd (a larger 1bd converted to a 2bd) in those neighborhoods at that price, but we would have had to compete for it. So, yeah, I would have loved to buy NYC real estate in the 90s.

Hula Hoop

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 891
  • Location: Italy
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #90 on: February 14, 2019, 04:41:27 AM »
Mariposa - I'm from NYC and have friends and family still there.  I didn't grow up in one of those 'prime neighborhoods' you mention and even went to public school back in the dreaded 70s and 80s and, amazingly, lived to tell the tale.  Part of being mustachian is looking beyond social status and fashion and doing things a bit differently and that is absolutely possible in NYC, although maybe a bit harder.  When I lived in NYC I always lived 'above the 100s' or in a non-fashionable 'bridge and tunnel' area - it was great and much more like the 'real NYC" of my childhood than those fashionable Manhattan below the 100s areas and the trendy parts of Brooklyn and Queens.  If I moved back to NYC, I'd be looking to move to the Bronx, Jersey City, other inner areas of NJ, Jackson Heights, Washington Heights or Midwood.

terran - yes, my mother is based back in the US.  Only problem is that when she visits us she notices that all our friends have cars and cleaning people - not to mention skiing holidays and beach holidays. 

accolay

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 907
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #91 on: February 14, 2019, 09:36:13 AM »
People criticize due to ignorance or jealousy. Fuck them. Best to have the last laugh anyway. Live your life how you want.

bb11

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 504
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #92 on: February 14, 2019, 02:46:42 PM »
When I lived closer to NYC (back in the '90s), my co-workers all made around the same amount of money, around $100k. I was amazed when they all started buying houses at the $450k price point, and having a brand new Lexus was considered normal, even if it was usually an ES300/330 back then. People thought nothing of eating out for lunch every day, with $5 iced-coffees for dessert.

I would have loved to have bought real estate in NYC on any budget in the 90's :) 5x yearly income in NYC is not even remotely possible today. Of course they had no idea. They can keep their cars though.
Huh? 5x income in NYC is totally possible, in fact it's easy. I'm looking at Zillow right now and there are 19 one bedrooms in lower Manhattan (defined as below Central Park) for less than $500k. In most of the rest of the city it's easy to find two or even three bedrooms for less than $500k. Sure it was much cheaper back in the 90s, but I don't agree with your second sentence at all. (Note: I am an NYC resident as well and have looked at open houses, though I don't currently own an apartment)

As to the OP, while I'm not always successful, mostly I try not to care about it. If people inquire honestly I'll tell them more about my beliefs, but the people that are just being snarky I mostly brush off. As someone else said, I don't think they really want to hear the answers anyway.

I'm a NYC resident too, and we bought a few years ago. Agree that 1bd in Manhattan can be had for less than $500k, but you'd be getting a 400sq ft box with maintenance (which includes property taxes) of $900 a month or more. You CAN find a 2 or 3bd in the city for less than $500k, but you'd have to look in the Bronx, distant Brooklyn, or non-prime Queens. FWIW, we offered up to 1mil for a 2bd when we were looking & found that we were priced out of Manhattan south of 100th street and prime Brooklyn. We maybe could have done a junior 2bd (a larger 1bd converted to a 2bd) in those neighborhoods at that price, but we would have had to compete for it. So, yeah, I would have loved to buy NYC real estate in the 90s.
Of course, but you're still being far too harsh. Here's a 2 bedroom in prime lower Manhattan for $550k:

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/house,condo,apartment_duplex,townhouse_type/244799608_zpid/2-_beds/101000-700000_price/396-2741_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/40.747062,-73.923826,40.668074,-74.043646_rect/12_zm/

It's small, of course. If you need space, I'm not sure why you'd live in NYC. But online I see places all over the place that are much cheaper than you're talking about. Here's a 2 bedroom in Harlem for $350k:

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/house,condo,apartment_duplex,townhouse_type/2090235505_zpid/2-_beds/300000-500000_price/1175-1958_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/40.821863,-73.926788,40.782426,-73.986698_rect/13_zm/

I'm seeing tons like it. Lots in places like Astoria in Queens, or Bushwick and Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn. Then there's the Jersey side, with tons of places in JC, Hoboken, and Weehawken. So I don't agree that you have to look in "Bronx, distant Brooklyn, or non-prime Queens". Distant Brooklyn is like Sheepshead Bay or Canarsie, and Harlem is in Manhattan.

Sorry, but it's a bit infuriating when someone says "5x income is not even remotely possible in NYC" (in reference to $100k income) when I'm looking at places that are 3-4x income, and that's without considering the far out places like Staten Island or east Brooklyn. The comment was something I'd expect to hear in the mainstream media, not MMM.

MikeBT

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 198
  • Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #93 on: February 14, 2019, 03:55:10 PM »
Honestly, some of you guys should just be out and proud rather than feeling defensive.

Just say: "I'm doing great, I worked my arse off for it and I make no apologies for my choices." It's a line that applies no matter how frugal or lavish your lifestyle, because the important thing is that it's your lifestyle and it's fully justified as long as it's fully paid off!

Mariposa

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 425
  • Location: NYC
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #94 on: February 14, 2019, 08:20:13 PM »
I'm a NYC resident too, and we bought a few years ago. Agree that 1bd in Manhattan can be had for less than $500k, but you'd be getting a 400sq ft box with maintenance (which includes property taxes) of $900 a month or more. You CAN find a 2 or 3bd in the city for less than $500k, but you'd have to look in the Bronx, distant Brooklyn, or non-prime Queens. FWIW, we offered up to 1mil for a 2bd when we were looking & found that we were priced out of Manhattan south of 100th street and prime Brooklyn. We maybe could have done a junior 2bd (a larger 1bd converted to a 2bd) in those neighborhoods at that price, but we would have had to compete for it. So, yeah, I would have loved to buy NYC real estate in the 90s.
Of course, but you're still being far too harsh. Here's a 2 bedroom in prime lower Manhattan for $550k:

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/house,condo,apartment_duplex,townhouse_type/244799608_zpid/2-_beds/101000-700000_price/396-2741_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/40.747062,-73.923826,40.668074,-74.043646_rect/12_zm/

It's small, of course. If you need space, I'm not sure why you'd live in NYC. But online I see places all over the place that are much cheaper than you're talking about. Here's a 2 bedroom in Harlem for $350k:

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/house,condo,apartment_duplex,townhouse_type/2090235505_zpid/2-_beds/300000-500000_price/1175-1958_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/40.821863,-73.926788,40.782426,-73.986698_rect/13_zm/

I'm seeing tons like it. Lots in places like Astoria in Queens, or Bushwick and Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn. Then there's the Jersey side, with tons of places in JC, Hoboken, and Weehawken. So I don't agree that you have to look in "Bronx, distant Brooklyn, or non-prime Queens". Distant Brooklyn is like Sheepshead Bay or Canarsie, and Harlem is in Manhattan.

Sorry, but it's a bit infuriating when someone says "5x income is not even remotely possible in NYC" (in reference to $100k income) when I'm looking at places that are 3-4x income, and that's without considering the far out places like Staten Island or east Brooklyn. The comment was something I'd expect to hear in the mainstream media, not MMM.

That 2bd in the East Village in the first listing is actually a good deal for that area, even it's small, and the place doesn't seem to have a single closet. The Harlem listing on the surface looks too good to be true. But if you look at the details, it's an income-restricted unit. It's not a normal listing. Harlem is a fairly expensive place to live these days if you're paying market rate.

Look, if you buy in this city, you'll know that some of these listings aren't real, and some of them are dramatically underpriced to spark a bidding war. When we were looking, we offered asking price for several places that eventually went for 20% more. And you're competing against all-cash offers and people with salaries 1-3x sale price. In a city with a 97% occupancy rate and an overcrowding rate of 11%, real estate is not going to be that easy, even for (moderately) wealthy people like us. (For the super wealthy, it's another story.) I'm not saying it's impossible, but to say it's easy for someone making $100k to buy in highly sought-after NYC neighborhoods these days is a bit disingenuous.

(I know nothing about real estate in NJ. A Jersey commute has never been practical for where either of us work.)

Hula Hoop

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 891
  • Location: Italy
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #95 on: February 15, 2019, 04:26:37 AM »
(I know nothing about real estate in NJ. A Jersey commute has never been practical for where either of us work.)

That's a shame.  My friend used to live near the Grove Street PATH station in Jersey City.  She worked in midtown and it took her 30 minutes.  If she had worked downtown it would have been lots less.  Hoboken has similar commute times if you live near the PATH.

I agree that NY is way overpriced but I also think living in "prime" areas of Brooklyn or Manhattan is face-punch worthy considering how much they cost compared to less fashionable areas in NYC.

TomSelleckJR

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Location: Utah
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #96 on: February 15, 2019, 04:18:56 PM »

Really the ONLY person that has really, truly, given me shit, has been my boss.

One of his smart-assed comments pertained to the car I drive, and how he pays me enough to go buy something new. He went on to say something along the lines of me "obsessing over my first million"...

My response was "forget about new cars, I'd rather have fuck you money"...

That was the end of that conversation...  :-)

Dicey

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9467
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #97 on: February 16, 2019, 11:48:47 AM »
@bb11, that first unit has been on the market for a whole year. It's a fifth floor walk-up and the HOA fees are at least $949 a month. I say "at least" because the agent who commissioned those artful photos and not-to-scale floor plan most likely hasn't updated the HOA dues either. 

Best advice: beware giving advice to others that could be construed as pure bullshit. Nothing stays on the market for a full year unless there are significant detractors. Price, schools, neighborhood, high HOAs, deferred building maintenance, looming special assessments, etc, could all be contributing to the unit's problems. Good thing they're someone else's problems.

Oh, hey, it has one IKEA closet. It's in the master "bedroom",  which is merely the portion of the room behind the shoji screen in the living room.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2547
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #98 on: February 19, 2019, 08:45:07 AM »
For us our frugality must look like poverty to certain people close to us. Our cars seem to be the easiest indicator for people to take notice of. When we were driving our 18 year old car we were assumed to be poor. When we bought something a few years old for out of town trips (our second car is the nicer car, we wear out the older car daily) - people took notice and assumed we had reached "easy street". We made a nice gift to someone close along the way - we bought something they admired at our house - and I think that side of the family figured out that we were frugal, not poor.

Someone else still occasionally says something like "well, someday when you can afford it..." when we could afford it a long time ago but choose not to spend like that. Along the way we quit sharing certain aspirations and hopeful plans with anyone but each other (DW and I) because everyone's expectations and opinions would get rolled into the mix and their commentary causes us stress. Some people's opinions were objective and useful. Some people's were not and are not. At least one or two seem to see an opportunity to be negative about whatever we do. 

For everyone having a hard time with people:

https://youtu.be/Vqbk9cDX0l0

Brother Esau

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 404
Re: How do you handle people that criticize your frugal lifestyle?
« Reply #99 on: February 19, 2019, 08:57:08 AM »
You know what they say in Occum.........

Foccum