I feel like I lost my moustache :(

[Meggslynn]

For years my husband and I have not been happy with our house. We bought it 7 years ago. It was our first house and I guess we didn’t really know what to look for. We also never thought we were going to have kids. Now we have one and are hoping for another and this house isn’t that great for kids. After a couple years of casually looking we found the perfect to us home. Not too big (like everything else in this province) but still has all the features we want. We move in tomorrow.

Here is where I am struggling. With our old house we were in line to have it paid off in 9 years with no extra payments. Our mortgage on the new house increased $95K and the payoff term is now 16-18 years. I do plan on doing extra payments as being mortgage free has always been important to us, but still, it stings.

This house is also a lot more “fancy” than our old house. Our old house matched our old cars, our old (but well kept) furniture, and our simplistic nature. This new house not so much. The new house isn’t even that fancy for our location: we have three friends that just bought $525K+, 2300 sq ft+ and drop dead gorgeous houses and that’s kind of the norm here. Our new house is $400K, 1500 Sq ft but beautifully renovated.

I still feel compelled to upgrade a lot of our stuff to “match”. Which I know is ridiculous.

I know we made the right decision in purchasing the new house. I so look forward to having a backyard for our kids to play in. Having more than one bathroom and more than one person can fit into the bathroom! And on I could go. But still, before in the old house I felt like we were frugal and wise with our money and this new house I feel like were spendthrifts like everyone else in this province which is something I worked so hard at avoiding.

I guess this post is a bit of a ramble and I am not sure what I am looking for. Maybe validation that we can still live in a beautiful house that has all the features we want and still have a moustache? Maybe tips on how to not get sucked up in being a consuma sucka in trying to get the rest of our lifestyle to match our new house? Maybe feedback from people who have felt the same way?

[Rezdent]

It sounds like you have bought the house recently, yes?
It's a huge purchase.  Now that dust is starting to settle on this, of course you would start processing the change - some good, some less good.

And now there's the new house with your same old stuff in it.  For me, I found that this was a bit unsettling, a kind of anachronism.  I remember how I kept thinking I needed to replace all my household stuff.  I had a vague feeling somehow that paying so much for a house should have made my stuff...I don't know, shinier or something.

Luckily for me I didn't have any funds left after buying the house.  After a few months I realized the weird feeling was gone, and that most of my stuff was just fine.  I did buy a few things that worked better with the design the next year but it was much less than I first thought I needed.

I'd hold off on upgrading anything else for at least six months or more and then reevaluate if it's really needed.

[taekvideo]

$400k does sound like a lot for a house, but a lot of that depends on where you live. In my neighborhood that would get you a mcmansion with an indoor fountain and an artificial pond out back lol.
In your case it sounds like it's more reasonable for the area though. At least the prices aren't THAT bad compared to some areas.
Wanting multiple bathrooms and a backyard when raising kids isn't crazy and can provide real QOL benefits, so don't let it get you down!
The other stuff though... you know it wouldn't do you any good and would just stretch out the time you have to spend working.
If you keep your other habits under control hopefully you can soon spend as much time as you want enjoying that backyard with the kids ;)

[justajane]

Think of how your kids are going to start spilling stuff all over your furniture and jumping on it, and that might cure you of your desire to buy new and shiny things to match your home. At least that's what I do. That should give you a few more years, and then when they are older and less rough on things, you can buy some new things to celebrate. That's my plan, although with three boys, it might not be until they are going off to college that I feel like I want to upgrade ;).

[Meggslynn]

Yes we just bought the new house.

$400K is a lot of money but the average home price in our area is $450K. Still a lot though.

Yes, thinking about our kid(s) ruining the furniture is definitely something to keep me in check. I have been keeping my eye on Kijiji (Canada's craiglist) for items that need to be replaced regardless of the new house or not.

[Erica/NWEdible]

Sounds like the house purchase is in line with your values. I think spending isn't an absolute thing with tons of MMM rules, it's about making sure where and when you do spend furthers your personal values and goals.

Congrats on your new home! One suggestion: try to separate your real motivation and actions (modest home upgrade to better fit new family makeup) from people's perception (they think I am a spendthrift, I'm just like "everyone else" now). It sounds like you worry about people judging you, but they aren't. They are too busy worrying about what people think of THEM to think much about you. Such is the way of people. So just rock on with your choices.

[Dee18]

And hopefully the "beautifully renovated" means that key systems are updated and won't need significant work any time soon.  While you have little ones to tend to you don't want a bunch of home maintenance.  Enjoy your new home!

[Meggslynn]

And hopefully the "beautifully renovated" means that key systems are updated and won't need significant work any time soon.  While you have little ones to tend to you don't want a bunch of home maintenance.  Enjoy your new home!

Yes this was a plus for us as well with the new house. The previous owner was a contractor and did a top knotch job of upgrading and maintaining everything (according to the inspector). Our previous house was going to need a new roof, new furnace and water heater, and foundation repairs in the next 5 years. We probably won't come across those with the new house for another 10-20 years (fingers crossed).

[Kitsune]

Speaking as someone with kids, nieces, nephews, etc...

DO NOT spend a lot of money at this point in your life if your goal is to have a house that looks good. Have you seen what happens to a couch when you add a 5-year-old and a cup of juice? Yeeeah. You can basically shrug and assume your house is gonna be a bit of a work in progress until the kids are old enough to not wreck the furniture, or you can be on a constant lookout for stray food, juice, markers, etc. (Personally, I think that sounds exhausting).

Or, middle ground: get stuff that camouflages kid-related damage. Ikea couches, for example (they're cheap-ish, usually available on kijiji -just inspect for bedbugs first!!, and they come with removable slipcovers. It gets too shabby? 70$ buys you a new slipcover that keeps it looking good until it falls apart. Done.) Butcher-block countertops are cheap, look good, and you can sand them down and re-oil after a kid takes a sharpie to them. Don't buy an antique dining room table. ;) If that's what you already have, cover it with an oilcloth tablecloth or something - there are some really cute designs for not horribly expensive. Etc.

Also, you can "upgrade" your furniture using kijiji or craigslist, while selling your old furniture there to at least mitigate some of the spending, if you decide that the aesthetics are important to you. There are ways to do that without spending craptons of money!

[EllieStan]

There is so much you could DIY if you want to ''upgrade'' your furniture. Painting and changing knobs can already alter the look of your furniture drastically, and it's cheaper. You can also use wallpaper for a creative and colorful furniture makeover.

[pbkmaine]

First off, do nothing until you have been in the house for at least a few months and start to see how you live in it. After that, look at Pinterest and design blogs for ideas. There are at least a hundred websites that will show you how to achieve really good style without spending much money. Look at Emily Henderson, Manhattan Nest, Apartment Therapy, the archives of Young House Love (no longer an active blog). These will lead you to links of other blogs. The secrets? Paint, deeply discounted fabric, refinishing, thrift shops, Freecyle, local curbside junk days. Taste has NOTHING to do with money. The interiors I admire most were put together over time with an eye for color and very little money. Sewing skills are also helpful. I could not re-upholster a sofa if my life depended on it, but I can sew a straight seam, so I can make cushion covers, simple slipcovers and curtains. If you go neutral on your walls and big pieces of furniture, a few bright pillows, pictures and pieces of painted furniture (done with sample pots) can have a big impact.

[nobodyspecial]

$400k does sound like a lot for a house, but a lot of that depends on where you live. In my neighborhood that would get you a mcmansion with an indoor fountain and an artificial pond out back lol.

Not here, http://crackshackormansion.com/

[Bajadoc]

Your mustache will grow back. Work and enjoy.

[cheapbutchic]

I don't think it is ridiculous that you want to "upgrade" your environment.  You don't have to spend a fortune to do so.  Maybe you can renovate/paint some existing furniture?  And I disagree with having furniture that hides dirt, to me that doesn't make sense.  I raised 3 sons with white slipcovers because I could easily wash them and they always looked good.  But then again I didn't allow food on the sofa.  Meals were eaten in the kitchen at a table but I know that is a very old fashioned idea.  The Goodwill and Salvation Army has amazing deals on tables, lamps...you name it.  My entire home is furnished by using yard sales and thrift shops and was recently photographed by Country Living magazine.  It doesn't take a lot of money to live beautifully.

[The_path_less_taken]

Your mustache is currently intact: relax!

You wanted to improve the QOL for you and your child: done. That IS what money is for.

From this point though...I agree with the people who say wait 4 months or so to really settle in and get over the "I spent WHAT?" feeling.

Not familiar with your version of craigslist but even in a rural area I've gotten just stupidly amazing things off of it: a free fridge, couch, tables, etc. You can too.

Kids and new stuff = disaster so...if it isn't free or 'reasonable' in price, it might make you happier in the long run to wait at least until you're past the sippy cup/diaper phase.

Congrats on the new house. Given the major upkeep costs on the old one and quality of life...sounds like a good move.

[ender]

The "goal" here so to speak isn't to minimize all spending to zero, it's to minimize all frivolous and non-value add spending to zero. Everyone has different definitions of what that is in their lives.

If buying a nicer house enables your family and personal goals better that's fine. But if buying the nicer house which you "know is right" causes you to feel guilty all the time, you should spend time reflecting on whether or not your goals actually match the house, or whether the house matches your goals.

[dess1313]

It will take a few months to get the feel of how your house flows.  Maybe you need a knick nack table in the entry way, or a place to sit.  Maybe you want to paint a wall, or tweak something else.  Settle in and see.  Then keep your eyes open for sales and ways to repurpose your furniture.  The ideas about knobs and other things is important.  I changed up my whole place when i moved in by just updating the door handles and light fixtures.  Its amazing what you can modify with something as simple as Ikea book stands or other furniture.  This was a huge quality of life improvement.  It may feel odd, but you did not buy the 800k house in the 400k neighborhood.  Don't feel ashamed.  This will be good for your family going forward.  Look on pintrest for kid ideas.  There's tons of DIY you can do that will help you out over the next 5 years.