[REPOST, and responded to the latest reply]
It's the first time I'm hearing the word "neckbeard". I do shave, smell cool and I am a hygienic person, not a hobo haha.
If you have absolutely no money (for the sake of argument, let's say "no assets" - no house or car you can sell off), you have little control over your life. You still need a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. However, because you have no resources of your own, you will constantly have to be taking the best short-term opportunity and taking whatever handouts you can get. Beggars can't be chooser, in a very real sense. You are relying on external things (and possibly chance) to meet your needs, rather than say, being able to live in a place that's safe and shop at the grocery store for healthy food. Instead, you crash with whoever has a couch and you eat whatever Mom fixes for dinner. (For example.)
However you choose to define it, here is a harsh reality: $40,000 will not last forever. Parents don't usually outlive us either. You need to have a game plan. And as you've figured out, for you to be seen as an adult in many cultures, you need to support yourself and likely at least move out. Even if you could live at home with Mom and not get a job for 20 years and not even touch that $40K, you won't be able to create the freedom and independence you crave without working.
I have to start somewhere, even if there is zero motivation. That was an excellent post, thank you.
Help me to prioritize my tasks and create a step by step plan to get out of this crisis, thanks folks.
First, what exactly is the crisis you want to get out of? Is it that without your father, your mom doesn't have enough income to live on? Is it simply that you can't get a date? Is being unemployed and living with mom a crisis for you, or is it only a problem because you can't get a date? If you had a girlfriend, would you be fine with everything else as it is?
You can move out and live on $40K for a while, but it will run out. What then--move back in with mom (and lose your girlfriends), be jobless and single again, only now with zero instead of $40K?
I can attract womenand get dates. However I can't sustain any thing long-term or even short-term[
in other words, having a reliable access to sex] because eventually they will see through my lies. That I don't have a job, house and the car belongs to my mom. So I bail out and end it before they find out, in order to not hurt their feelings. No one likes being led on and lied to by a phony liar.
Your "harsh truth" is just reality for billions (yes, billions) of people, and quite frankly, we're all fine with it, so you need to get over yourself. I think there is great pride in starting with nothing and working your way up. My husband and I were both on our own (read: ZERO financial support in any form) by age 22, and we started out in a small, dark apartment we only visited to sleep because we were both working full-time and I was finish grad school part-time. We knew that our hard work would pay off after a few years, and indeed it did. I won't bore you with the details, but my point is that this is not only a fairly universal life experience, but it's one you can find joy in when you realize it is not pointless. You describe the starting-out phase as if there's no point, no reward, and no value. I disagree wholeheartedly. Life is what you make of it, and you are in charge of what you do with your life. Drop the poor-me mentality because it smacks of spoiled-little-rich-boy drivel, and I can guarantee you no woman (hot or not) alive will find that appealing.
So how do you feel now that it paid off? Has your quality of life improved significantly? Did you achieve any big goals? Or still struggling with the basics and merely capable of supporting yourselves?
Here's an idea - stop acting like an unemployed loser and instead start acting like a responsible, respectable member of society.
Oh, and you may find that in order to be successful you need to find some new friends if they're hindering rather than helping.
That was quite simple and to the point. My friends are not a problem, it's our relatives who have a negative influence on my life (gossiping, not minding their own business, talking shit about me etc).
That's probably more a reflection on me than you, but you need to rethink your defeatist attitude - oh I won't ever have enough money by working so I might as well not try.
Defeatist mindset. Yeah, another major mental problem.
These kind of posts are frustrating. You, and everyone, have two basic choices:
1) Be satisfied with your situation, or
2) Make and execute a plan to change your situation
So do you want help with 1) or 2) ?
Option 2 of course.
Start reading books like The Millionaire Next Door and Millionare Mindset and other books like that to start changing how you think about money.
Thanks I will give them a try.
Your not working and playing games all the time is not attractive to women. It isn't a sign they are shallow.
I have to lie about my job, to everyone not just women.
First thing first, fuck video games, starting tomorrow, you will start looking for a job, who cares if it's a low paying job, start somewhere...it is not by sitting on your ass all day playing world of warcraft that suddenly you will make money and get lots of girls. Life does not work that way. Is it wrong living at your mom's house at your age?? Not if you have a job and your doing it to help out the family and you are single. Infact, living with your mom will boost your savings until you are ready and have enough money to start living somewhere else.
And stop thinking about what girls think about you, at this moment, girls should be the least of your worries right now. The priority is getting A J-O-B...and I am not talking about hiring a hooker. You need income, that is the number 1 priority. If a girl suddenly has interest in you while you are searching for a job or if you start working somewhere...well that's a plus..but your priority at this moment is making money, start putting some money aside and help out your poor mother who has to deal with you. Once all that is in place, usually everything else falls in place.
Yeah fuck videogames, I'm just playing games because I'm bored or I find them to be the best way to distract myself. Kinda escaping the reality instead of facing it head on. I am not seeking validation from girls, I'm just frustrated with my sexual life. But that's because I have entitlement issues. You can't have sex regularly without investing a major amount of your time, attention and money on a relationship with a quality chick. Again it all comes down to laziness I guess, and having high expectations and high standards when you are a trash bum yourself lol.
However, you actually owe it to your mother to help her. She has presumably paid for you for 30 years, cooked your meals and done your laundry. She has put up with all her relatives complaining about you. She has just lost a husband, just as you have lost a father.
I'm embarrassed to say this, but my mother does have a job and she is the one who is supporting the whole family. As for her losing her husband, well guess what, she started fucking some one else just 1 month after my father died.
It sounds like there are things you want in life (be attractive to women, sustain a relationship, own a house, car, have the respect of relatives, travel, live on your own, etc.) Ask yourself, how hard are you willing to work for these things? In the real world, people have to earn these things.
As others have said, you need to get a job and start giving a portion of your earnings to your mother. Besides being the right thing to do, this will immediately improve people's perception of you.
Your mom can tell relatives, "my son is working now and contributes part of his pay to the household." Compared to what you are doing now, everyone will think well of your progress and more responsible behaviour.
You can tell women, "yes I still live at home, I work and help support the family now that my father is gone." Again, much more admirable than unemployed adult mooching off parents.
Notice I didn't specify what KIND of job. Even mopping floors is honest work to earn a wage. You can start low if you are willing to work hard and improve your skills so you can climb higher.
If the local I.T. jobs you could get have longer hours than you can (or want to) work, how about working remotely for an international company, or freelance? Check out websites like Elance, Leapforce, TaskRabbit, Odesk, Fiver. A job isn't necessarily about carrying a briefcase and wearing a tie to an office. It's any honest work you do to generate income.
On the side, learn about various kinds of investing. Once you're more knowledgeable about financial matters, decide how to invest your inheritance. That money is your security and future, so don't spend it, invest it for the long term.
If you are interested in a serious relationship (and to become a better person, in general), I agree with previous posters that you need to learn how to be more self-sufficient. Learn every aspect of running a household and do those tasks regularly (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, home maintenance, laundry, paying rent/taxes/bills, etc.) Living on your own will fail if you can't do these things, and you will have a hard time attracting a long-term partner because she'll see that unless you earn enough to pay a housekeeper, she'll have to do all this for you. That's not attractive in the slightest.
I do pay her for the food and shared bills, (monthly insurance money). You brought up a good point, I always tell her that whenever everyone asks you about my job, you tell them he is a telecommunication expert and is employed by a major company. But our relatives (aunt, uncle etc) keep repeating that question every time they visit as if they don't believe her.
Regarding self-sufficiency, I am fairly self-sufficient if left on my own.
My husband grew up in bad poverty...like sell blood to buy ketchup and pasta for dinner type poverty. Most of his family were high school dropouts, many were in trouble with the law. Most were pissed at 'society' for 'holding them down' but wouldn't stick to jobs for more than a few weeks, and never bothered to hold onto a single dollar. My husband moved every year of his life until his sophomore year of high school because his parents couldn't settle in one place. He was an insecure, angry loner. He had no particular ambition because he had no ideas what opportunities were available, and knew no one who had ever improved themselves. He thought he was going to work for the rest of his life in a crappy factory job and thought, why bother?
So how do you feel now that it paid off? Has your quality of life improved significantly? Did you achieve any big goals? Or still struggling with the basics and merely capable of supporting yourselves?
I was thinking about this some more last night, and it occurred to me that, despite what you say, you are not HUNGRY. I don't mean physically hungry; I mean the kind of hungry Steve Jobs talked about in his commencement speech to Stanford grads several years ago. I mean the kind of hunger for success that has driven successful people for centuries. You're too comfortable, and until you're uncomfortable -- hungry, ants-in-your-pants uncomfortable -- you won't take the kinds of measures you need to take to become truly successful.
I vividly remember the moment I became hungry. We were living in a small, dark apartment, way over-extended time-wise with work and grad school, and basically living hand-to-mouth financially. After rent, we only had $600/month for everything else, and it sucked. I'd have to think carefully about whether I could "splurge" on a $10 T-shirt from Target. BUT, and this is important, I knew that if we could just make it through this phase without debt, if we get through the grad school part and the low-wages part without problems, then things would be better, and we were hungry for that. There was no safety net; we had to make it work, and that was the best thing that ever could have happened to us. That hand-to-mouth budgeting, the bare-bones living, the "I'm sick of this nasty box of an apartment" feeling -- all of it was worth it because it made us work so hard to get to where we are today, and it makes me appreciate what we've earned.
So, embrace the low-wage, low-status job, and live at that level for a while. It builds character, ambition, and hunger. And, just like with physical hunger, the reward is sweeter when you're truly hungry for it.
Dark times indeed. Glad you guys made it. It should feel damn satisfying now. Thanks for sharing your story. Very motivational.
Honestly, it probably isn't even the live with the Mom part. If the guy showed any motivation to be a productive member of society, then living with his Mom while he got his act together is probably mostly fine; or to help support his Mom, if it can be explained that way, women are often okay with it. But living there, refusing to work because it doesn't seem fun, objectifying women, and overall just expecting handouts is the problem.
The only thing I'm going to add is- seek medical help if you are depressed. A facepunch isn't going to work in that instance.
Living with mom is a losers thing. A guy who does not have a place of his own is not even considered an option for most girls, you can't spend all of your times together inside a trashy car from the 1990s or cafes. You need a private place of your own if you know what I mean.
But moving out is a big risk, I could end up wasting my inhered money. So I have to agree.
Do you live in Japan OP?
No
30 isn't too late to go back to school and study something that interests you. 40k while living with mom should afford you a solid degree. It would be easier to transition into a professional job right out of school.
I have a CIW certification. I'm thinking about finishing the whole program and acquire their complete certification. I don't like IT but I've heard you can have a steady income if you have those certs and at least
3 years of experience.
