Author Topic: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?  (Read 1631 times)

MoneyIsHard

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Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« on: August 10, 2017, 07:09:44 AM »
I am doing well on my FIRE journey but don't really have an inspiring life vision for the future and feel I'm stuck in a rut in most areas of my life.  I'm really just saving money to escape my current job.  I've read and studied a lot of self-development books/articles and feel like I know what to do...I just don't do things with any consistency. 

I am not very good at setting goals and sticking to them (usually move on to something else after a few weeks) and thought having a Coach, someone to help motivate me and someone to hold me accountable, might help.  Has anyone used a Life Coach and found it beneficial and worth the expense?  Or any other ideas?

Thanks!

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2017, 07:16:04 AM »
I'm newly identifying as being in a rut myself, so keen to hear what has helped others move forward.

For me, life coaches were 100% NOT worth the cost. This is partly because they charged so much, and partly because it had no effect.

I've been reflecting on the topic the last couple of days, wondering why I had a 12-year period of major progress, and extraordinarily little since. It wasn't life coaching that created the 12-year surge. Still working on identifying what did. At the moment, it seems like luck/astrology/the winds that did, lol.

meatface

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2017, 07:30:32 AM »
I am doing well on my FIRE journey but don't really have an inspiring life vision for the future and feel I'm stuck in a rut in most areas of my life.  I'm really just saving money to escape my current job.  I've read and studied a lot of self-development books/articles and feel like I know what to do...I just don't do things with any consistency. 

I am not very good at setting goals and sticking to them (usually move on to something else after a few weeks) and thought having a Coach, someone to help motivate me and someone to hold me accountable, might help.  Has anyone used a Life Coach and found it beneficial and worth the expense?  Or any other ideas?

Thanks!

Yes, another (free) idea is to ask lots of questions to effectively make this forum your life coach.

You might also try something very different and extreme to shock your mind and body: such as subjecting yourself to Navy Seal training for a few days. Might be worth a try in your case. In the meantime, listen to Jocko for motivation.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2017, 11:37:27 AM by meatface »

FireHiker

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2017, 09:56:02 AM »
I've never actually used a Life Coach, although I have a friend who is in this business on the side (her primary job is running the yoga studio I use). I have found with this specific person, just being around her improves my life because she is so sincerely positive and honest. I take several of her yoga/fitness classes on a regular basis and she is such a special and inspiring person. If I decided to use a Life Coach, it would be her, no question. I don't feel I need to at this time, but down the road when we're closer to FIRE and I'm trying to figure out what's next and where to put my energy and focus, I may. Or, since she's a good friend and we talk regularly anyway, maybe we'll just chat after class like we do now and that will be sufficient. I have no idea how much it costs to actually use a Life Coach, so I don't know if it's worth the expense or not.

I like the recommendation to use the forum here first: you could ask in the post-FIRE forum about what people have escaped TO after FIRE (as opposed to just escaping from their jobs) and what meaningful things people have found to provide fulfillment after working. I think for many of us our lives are so full of stuff, whether it's physical stuff (yes I'm an aspiring minimalist with a lot of work to do...), or an overly full schedule, that we don't have time, or don't make time, to really figure out what's important to us and what we'd do if money was no object. It takes a fair bit of work and introspection sometimes; I'm not there yet.

Shanksy

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2017, 10:03:20 AM »
Have you considered a therapist? In a lot of ways it's a very similar job, they listen and help you create plans to achieve goals, generally around trauma but not always. When I was in my late teens, early twenties I was depressed a lot and just talking to a therapist/counselor on a regular basis was extremely cathartic. Most of us have a lot of internal anxiety/neurosis that we don't want to trouble our friends or partners with. Anyways it might be something that your health insurance would cover part of or perhaps you could use HSA funds, and then the cost is mitigated. That's where I was going with this idea.

WSUCoug1994

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2017, 10:09:46 AM »
I am not sure that I can offer a lot of first hand experience but my sister and my x-girlfriend of 7 years are both Life Coaches.  Not really sure how that happened.  I will tell you that from watching both of their thriving businesses, it really depends on how much YOU put into the coaching sessions.  It takes work and it isn't always fun to do and the feedback can be painful in some cases.  But from what I have seen both my sister and my X have had profound impact on the lives of their clients when they were willing to invest.  The downside to life coaching is that there are no standards really.  There are a 1000 different approaches.  From what I have learned the chemistry with the coach is critical as well (seems obvious).  There are some heavily endorsed programs/certificates like Martha Beck (Oprah's life coach) and a few others like Deepak Chopra that bring some consistency and structured methodologies to the table.

CNM

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2017, 10:11:41 AM »
I haven't used a Life Coach but you might get some insights about what motivates you by taking a (free) online personality quiz: http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3163256/Gretchen-Rubin-s-Quiz-The-Four-Tendencies-Fall2016

This quiz can help you identify how to best motivate you: Are you someone who does well with outside accountability (it sounds like it, as you wanted a life coach)?  Are you someone who is internally motivated but only after a lot of research?  Maybe you are someone who rebels against outside expectations, even if the outside expectations are right?

Anyway, that might be a good place to start.

I also wanted to touch upon what you mentioned in your post, which is that you feel stuck in areas of your life, including your job.  Considering how much time most people spend at their job, it sounds like this might be the biggest sticking point in your happiness.  I suspect it's time to find another job. 

Cwadda

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2017, 10:16:26 AM »
I can't speak for the life coach idea, but I'd recommend investing in therapy. Your insurance can cover it, in most cases. I'm not really sure how life coaches work, but psychology is definitely a science with research and methods. This kind of sounds like I'm harping on life coaches, that's not my intention at all. Different things work for different people.

I sought therapy because I wanted a scientific explanation for my thoughts and feelings. That's exactly what I got, and why I continue to invest in therapy, even if it's every 2 months.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2017, 11:12:17 AM »
CNM's post touched on one of the pieces that didn't work for me with the coaches I tried. I'm a person who is ridiculously self-motivated, disciplined, etc. So usually what I need is someone who is willing to hear where I'm at, what I've done so far, and give me new ideas.

The three coaches I worked with were very...formulaic, I guess. They had a repertoire of pat ideas, and suggested one after another, completely dismissing whether I'd already done that, or whether it was possible in my circumstance (e.g., "You are the sole caregiver for a five year old with special needs. But drive 5000 kms to attend our series of seminars. Then for sure everything will be fixed! You just have to believe that someone will appear to care for your child!") It was almost like they were buying time.

The issue was that they were starting from a place of, "I have answers!! I got this!!! I totally know what to do!!! Let me tell you what to do, which is the same things that everyone should do, and if they were doing them, their lives would ROCK!!!!"

Really that hyped up, self-styled guru thing going on.

What works much better for me is a person taking the time, patience, and skill to first listen deeply. Then to sit with it reflectively. Then to offer what comes as a result.

And that reminds me that the sessions that were phenomenal for me were:
*volunteer business mentors (including for general life stuff)
*people trained in "spiritual companioning" or "spiritual direction"

The latter generally charge a fee, but I've always accessed them without charge.

So, now I know what I'm going to do in this rut :)

madgeylou

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2017, 11:37:30 AM »
About 10 years ago, I worked with a dear friend who was becoming a life coach. She was AWESOME at helping me identify places I was stuck, make a plan to get unstuck, and then follow up on executing the plan. She also gave me some tough but necessary feedback about how I was conducting myself in my relationship, with money, and some other places where I was acting out of erroneous assumptions.

I think life coaches must be similar to chiropractors in that, if you get a good one, they can help A LOT. But some of them are pretty useless, too.

Valhalla

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2017, 11:39:29 AM »
I am finding inspirational channels / videos on Youtube to improve every day.  That's what makes living today so awesome, instead of being restricted to mindless commercial TV programming, there are so many helpful channels on Youtube and online (like MMM forum) for self improvement.

Schaefer Light

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2017, 12:41:35 PM »
I am doing well on my FIRE journey but don't really have an inspiring life vision for the future and feel I'm stuck in a rut in most areas of my life.  I'm really just saving money to escape my current job.

This may not help, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in going through this kind of struggle.  I feel like I've been stuck in a rut in my job for several years, and now I'm also going through a divorce.  When you hate your job and then all of a sudden your home life becomes even worse than your job....well, let's just say that's a recipe for a seriously shitty existence.  I'm in therapy now, and the sessions with the psychologist seem to be helping.  I would certainly be open to talking with a life coach in addition to the therapist.  I feel like I'm just wandering aimlessly through life right at the moment.  People ask me what I'm looking forward to, and I can't think of a single damn thing.  Since my wife left, there's really nothing that I enjoy the way I used to.  Even my favorite hobbies aren't any fun these days.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2017, 02:49:16 PM »
Schaefer Light: Just wanted to say I'm sorry things are feeling so shitty right now :(    I like your honesty about where things are at for you at this point. I know well how it can be like that sometimes. Glad the therapy seems to be helpful!

MoneyIsHard

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2017, 02:56:05 PM »
Thanks all for the input. 

Schaefer - sorry to hear you're going through a tough time right now.  Hang in there!  Things will get better!

lizzzi

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2017, 03:17:17 PM »
Not exactly a life coach, but working through Julia Cameron's book, It's Never Too Late to Begin Again, (Discovering Creativity and Meaning at Midlife and Beyond), helped me a lot. I think I found it right at the perfect time in my life. I spent 12 weeks on it, and it did me a lot of good as I freed myself from the workforce and then from a lot of family caregiving...and needed to figure out where I was going from there.  I didn't follow it to the letter, but did most of the exercises and whatnot. Be aware that it is said to be similar to The Artist's Way...so if you've done the Artist's Way, this one might be too repetitive. There are lots of Amazon reviews for both books.

Valhalla

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2017, 10:38:40 PM »
I am doing well on my FIRE journey but don't really have an inspiring life vision for the future and feel I'm stuck in a rut in most areas of my life.  I'm really just saving money to escape my current job.

This may not help, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in going through this kind of struggle.  I feel like I've been stuck in a rut in my job for several years, and now I'm also going through a divorce.  When you hate your job and then all of a sudden your home life becomes even worse than your job....well, let's just say that's a recipe for a seriously shitty existence.  I'm in therapy now, and the sessions with the psychologist seem to be helping.  I would certainly be open to talking with a life coach in addition to the therapist.  I feel like I'm just wandering aimlessly through life right at the moment.  People ask me what I'm looking forward to, and I can't think of a single damn thing.  Since my wife left, there's really nothing that I enjoy the way I used to.  Even my favorite hobbies aren't any fun these days.
May I suggest you focus on yourself, whatever little thing you can do to improve yourself.  Big thing would be to go to the gym and start working on your health and physique.  This will make you feel more positive and a little more in control of your life.  Good luck.

spjulep

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2017, 09:45:03 AM »
I used a coach for work and it was a positive experience. She helped me identify my goals, get unstuck, make progress toward them. I benefit from external accountability so it worked for me better than reading books. I am sure there are plenty of quacks out there but with the right person, coaching can be useful. Plus unlike therapy, I don't think you would need to commit for a long period of time.

Schaefer Light - appreciate your honesty and am hoping things turn around. It sucks when it feels like everything is going in the wrong direction, it's easy to feel overwhelmed as the issues flow into each other.

Schaefer Light

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #17 on: August 11, 2017, 10:31:15 AM »
I am doing well on my FIRE journey but don't really have an inspiring life vision for the future and feel I'm stuck in a rut in most areas of my life.  I'm really just saving money to escape my current job.

This may not help, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in going through this kind of struggle.  I feel like I've been stuck in a rut in my job for several years, and now I'm also going through a divorce.  When you hate your job and then all of a sudden your home life becomes even worse than your job....well, let's just say that's a recipe for a seriously shitty existence.  I'm in therapy now, and the sessions with the psychologist seem to be helping.  I would certainly be open to talking with a life coach in addition to the therapist.  I feel like I'm just wandering aimlessly through life right at the moment.  People ask me what I'm looking forward to, and I can't think of a single damn thing.  Since my wife left, there's really nothing that I enjoy the way I used to.  Even my favorite hobbies aren't any fun these days.
May I suggest you focus on yourself, whatever little thing you can do to improve yourself.  Big thing would be to go to the gym and start working on your health and physique.  This will make you feel more positive and a little more in control of your life.  Good luck.

Thanks.  I've been doing that, and it does seem to help.  I'm guessing that the passage of time will help more than anything, but times are hard right now.  My therapist said the first 6 months after a separation are incredibly difficult, and that after 12 months things should start to feel more "normal".

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2017, 09:18:49 AM »
Quote
Plus unlike therapy, I don't think you would need to commit for a long period of time.

Many therapy modalities now are fast. (EMDR, CBT, NLP, etc.)

In my experience and my son's, two sessions of EMDR, for example, can (gently) blast an issue of a 8-30 years out of one's system.

EmFrugal

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #19 on: August 17, 2017, 02:10:53 PM »
This falls more in the self-help range, but I've had similar issues sticking to goals or envisioning a life path until recently as well. I think part of it was a) being stuck in meaningless jobs and b) time to figure out what it is I was actually passionate about.

Two things further helped me. I started casually reading Leo Babauta's Zen Habits blog. I find the blog interesting but his book, The Power of Less, is what really helped me focus in on my goals and actually start achieving them. I went from scaredy-pants, introvert girl to finally owning a business that is taking off.

Then, I did his free 44-day meditation program where you train in uncertainty and feelings of emotional stress and discomfort. I can truthfully say it has been life changing for many reasons. I am calmer, I can really focus on finding stillness in the insanity of life, I'm not afraid of being unsure, and I have a clearer vision of how I want to live my life. I loved it even more because it was free. Might be worth a shot?

https://zenhabits.net/the-44/

acroy

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Re: Has anyone ever used a Life Coach?
« Reply #20 on: August 17, 2017, 02:23:40 PM »
but you've got a bunch of free ones here :) use us as best you can! good luck!!
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