Stage 0 - morning haze - You are unable to remember anything about actually biking to work other than pedaling, breathing hard, and a dim feeling of satisfaction. Like a dream upon waking, details fade quickly.
Stage 1 - the warmth - Having immediately dismounted and locked your bike securely, you brush the snow from your shoulders and stumble frozenly towards the showers.
You peel off matching gloves and tights of insufficient warmth, and your jacket of unholy yellow. For a brief moment of ecstasy you feel warm in the shower. Then the painful stinging begins in the tips of your fingers, doing . You endure the stinging happily though, because you are finally warm.
Stage 2 - the glow - This is as good as you will ever feel. You are thawed, warm, and are ready to take on the world! This occurs both because of your exercise, and the combination of awe (due to your long, cold bike commute) and disgust (dirty cyclist, didn't you know that only cars belong on the road) that the other commoners view you with. You proudly drape your clothing about your cubicle like the victorious malodorous battle garment that they are. Heat up your oatmeal, refill your water bottle, and wolf down some fruit at your desk. Warm and fed, you sit before your computer with an unusually clear mind. Work is ready to be done! You commence.
Stage 3 - The HUNGER BEAST stirs - Slowly at first, subtle wafts of food from somewhere across the building are detected by your somehow hyper-aware nose. The rhythmic crunching of the fat guy three cubes down as he eats his morning Oh Henry bar interrupts your thoughts. You throw some fruit against hunger beast. Damage is minimal, but almost enough to stave off the hunger for just another hour and a half until lunch.
Stage 4 - Rise of the HUNGER BEAST - Lunch. The HUNGER BEAST has been unchained and must be sated. You begin the quest to find an unused microwave, heading to the nearest lunch room. There is a line of stoney and uncaring faces. You notice three goddamned frozen microwavable dinners waiting for 5 damned minutes of heating time each. You will not survive this wait.
As you dash past the line of people, someone asks "Hey, does anyone hear that truck?" It is no truck. HUNGER BEAST is clawing and roaring for freedom from deep beneath your belly button. You run down a flight of stairs to where the corporate lunch room is (your are still unsure if use of this room is allowed by the commoners, but the door opens to your magic card of access). Venturing in, you discover that it is empty as always. You heat your food, looking around and realize that everything is subtly nicer on this floor.
Stage 5 - Fall of the HUNGER BEAST - You have eaten the food, doing 10 damage to HUNGER BEAST. He is not defeated, but has retreated for the moment. Turning to leave, you spy LEFTOVER OFFICE CAKE in the corner of the room! With no witnesses, you demolish a shockingly large slab . . . vanquishing HUNGER_BEAST. To celebrate, you enjoy a double espresso.
Stage 6 - the challenge - Several hours pass in the blink of an eye. You are on your bike again, and in good spirits. But from the corner of your eye . . . what is this?
A challenging cyclist. You cheerfully say hello and shift to a harder gear. The challenger says 'hi' cheerfully and increases speed, passing you on a hill. This challenger is one of those damned twig-like cyclists who floats up hills. You crest the hill several bike lengths behind him. He continues to push the speed higher, and your legs keep pumping as you chase. This cyclist is fast, but you are running on nearly two lbs of OFFICE CAKE and a DOUBLE ESPRESSO. You just will your legs to GodDamnedGoFaster. You pass him again and hold the lead for seven blocks. The other cyclist turns left, waving as he goes. You will fight again another day.
Stage 7 - the crash - You are now at home, post shower . . . and are a pliable zombie. Maybe you'll sit on the couch for a bit. Maybe you'll lay on the floor. It doesn't matter. Everything is right with the world . . . provided it's not your night to cook food.
