I discovered MMM and the RE community in June 2015. My DW and I have been secret savers all our lives, and did not realize that we were as close to FI as we were until we had the education from this community.
My FIRE date is June, 2018. As I realized that fact, and as the date approached closer and closer, I infrequently noticed this surreal feeling overtake me at work. People were talking about the project X for 2020 or the mid-term business case for department Y and I realize that I am not going to be here, and I don't have to care about project X, or the decisions over department Y that will be made in q4 2018. Over time, I noticed that there were things at work I had adapted to (office politics, pecking orders, pathological bosses) that made work pretty awful, and I did not have to care about these things either. Eventually, it felt like there was nothing at work that I did care about. All I wanted was out. That was how I felt on and off for about 9 months. During that time, I kept a calendar and counted off the days until my release. I could not hear a positive word about work without inwardly shuddering.
I am not different from most, and there was a decade of backstabbing and infighting that had rendered me into a paranoid, Machiavellian, worker bee. So the 9 months of not giving a shit was an opportunity to awaken to the dark underbelly of work, the bright world outside of work and the promise of release from work. Still there were years remaining, and I was burning with the desire to be out. I think it was my chrysalis period.
Now in the last month, I think I am starting to come out of it. There is another side to not caring about the office politics and the projects that have a horizon beyond my tenure. I can experience the freedom from bullshit as an opportunity to focus on the things that I do care about I care about the patients that are in front of me, and I care about some of my peers who are among the best human beings I know. Now I feel like not giving a shit about X, Y and Z is a huge asset. I can focus my attention right here and now with the patient, or co-worker that is in front of me, and do the best possible job without a lot of meaningless "what ifs" and contingencies hanging over me. Bottom line - because I don't give a shit, I have stopped wasting energy on crap that doesn't matter and have can focus better on doing the work in front of me.
It makes me feel optimistic that the next 20 months will not just be a grind. Instead, I can enjoy this part of my work as the best part of my working life. I am experienced, capable, and free of the bullshit. I can apply myself to the places that make a difference and give the middle finger to the rest. That makes me a better worker - more focused on my sphere of influence.
Next challenge: how to make work's to-do list have lower valence in my brain to the home to-do list? Best wishes, Ap.
