Frugal vs Cheap vs Mean

[MichaelR]

To me these are a continuum and where one draws a distinction is probably personal. My mother tells me being concerned about prices when you dont need to is "mean". Her lack of thought about price, particularly as she does need to, drives me nuts.

Where do draw the distinction? Do you check to make you arent slipping from frugal to cheap?

[Khan]

I make it my business not to sweat the details on a daily basis. If I'm spending money, then I spend money. I will not collect coupons as I feel it is a waste of my mental energies and time. If one comes upon my path I will consider it.

I also consider whenever I'm buying something whether it's necessary, or worth having at all.

These balance out to a nice frugal lifetstyle. Nowhere near ERE/MMM level, but good enough for me. Further improvements upon my lifestyle provide only marginal returns in savings rate, vs. a little bit too much of a hit for myself in terms of quality of life/enjoyment.

And changes in the near future in my life will completely distort the meaning of these words, "cheap" and "frugal".

Edit: That said, wtf does your mom mean by "mean"? Corporations don't have any right to my money, **** them, if they provide a sale below cost then I'll take them to the cleaners if I have use for what I get.

[golden1]

I think the word "frugal" has become synonymous with "cheap" in today's consumer culture and has a strong negative connotation to a lot of people which is a real shame. 

In my mind, I use the term  "money mindfulness" to describe my ideal behaviors towards finances.  I don't want to spend money mindlessly without really thinking about 1) how much work it took to earn that money, 2) what I need vs. what I want, 3) what my purchases really cost me in terms of freedom, security etc... 

I guess my point is that being conscious of your spending should have more of a positive feeling behind it instead of deprivation and negativity.

As far as being "mean"....I find that this happens when people worship the actual money and not the pursuit of the ideals and values that having the money enables them to have.  Ebeneezer Scrooge is a good example.   

[LalsConstant]

Frugality is IMHO less of an objective standard and more of an attitude to not waste resources including your own time and intellectual effort.  I for instance do my best to mentally plan all my driving for the week every Monday morning to conserve gasoline as much as I can.  Ten minutes of effort with a calendar and sometimes a Google maps search can easily save me $10 which would be like a $60 an hour wage.  At the margin of reward vs. Effort it is a no brainer for me.

OTOH cheap is like that guy on Extreme Cheapskates who picks up rice off the sidewalk from in front of a wedding chapel and takes it home to cook it.  If you spent an hour doing that it would net you less than ten cents of reward.  It is gratuitous action for the purpose of avoiding an expense.

[Chuck]

Frugality is not spending money on things that are unimportant. Cheap is not spending money on things that ARE important.

Knowing the difference is the trick, and more than a little subjective.

[Peter]

I would hazard a guess that "mean" in this context means:

"You make a lot of money and seeing you spend it carefully indicates to me that you probably know how to save a lot, and have a lot, of money. This makes me (and other poor people) feel bad, jealous of you, and guilty for spending foolishly when I don't make that much money. I don't want to feel this way. You are causing it. You are mean."

[ichangedmyname]

Frugality is not spending money on things that are unimportant. Cheap is not spending money on things that ARE important.

Knowing the difference is the trick, and more than a little subjective.

That is an almost perfect way of saying it. I love it. I might steal it. :)

[matchewed]

Yeah regardless of Peter's post I have no clue how Mean factors into this. I don't see it anywhere on this continuum you speak of.

[ichangedmyname]

The "mean" part could be that the OP's mother feels the OP is judging her choices. I have had experiences with people who feel I'm being "mean" just by having a different opinion from them. When people feel judged they become defensive. I'm not saying OP is doing this, it could be that the mother is perceiving/assuming it.

[matchewed]

Well looking up the word mean is a synonym to stingy and cheap. I haven't seen it used that way before.

Cheap in my view will harm some aspect of life that I appreciate; friendships, my health, my job...etc. Frugal is doing what I value in a manner that is cost effective and efficient with my given resources.

[ruthiegirl]

Where was your mom born? 

I have an older friend and she uses the word 'mean' when referring to someone who is cheap to the point of being obnoxious... you know the type...the person who washes his paper towels to reuse them or steals flowers from gravesites.  She is English and I gather that the word means something different to her. 

There is a children's book about Mr. Mean who is stingy, but hordes money in a box in his kitchen.   He sits in his cold, run down house, eating one meal a day and being unkind to people. 

[CommonCents]

Frugal versus cheap is a commonly questioned I think, but mean is a new one. 

I think of it as:
Frugal is saving at your expense.  (e.g. take the time to coupon clip for toliet paper or doing without something like the new fancy gadget)
Cheap is frugal at someone else's expense.  (e.g. stealing toliet paper from the office for the home.  Bringing a used fast food cup back on a second visit to get more "free refills."  For a legal example: Going to a coffee shop and using the internet but not buying anything.  Or as I saw on extreme cheapskates, running vacuums etc in the middle of the night and waking up her tired son and husband to save a few pennies on cheaper electricity rates.)

Mean is akin to cheap.  It's another word for it, but I think I've heard it likely used more often in the context of being cheap at a person's expense rather than say a company.  (e.g. invite people over to your house for a meal, but then charge them for their cost of the meal, without telling them beforehand that it was potluck or your way, and you would not be "hosting" as they might expect).  It's also used as a more extreme version of cheap, and more of an insult.

[ruthiegirl]

And my mom is this way too.   She pales when I mention our budget and savings goals.  I watched her have a panic attack in the grocery store once while I was comparing prices.  The canned tomatoes I wanted to buy were on sale, but out of stock.  I asked an employee if I could have a raincheck (common at this store).  While the person was helping me, I happened to look over at my mom.  Yep, head between her knees, gasping for air.   "How can you be so cheap?!?!" 

[Jamesqf]

Frugal is buying a quality tool that will last, even though it's initially more expensive.  Cheap is buying the least expensive one you can find, even though it will soon break, and you'll need to buy another.  Mean is borrowing from the neighbor, and not returning it until it does break.

[Dibbels81]

Frugal is buying a steak and grilling it yourself.  Cheap is going to a steakhouse and neglect to tip the waiter. 

[CommonCents]

Frugal is buying a quality tool that will last, even though it's initially more expensive.  Cheap is buying the least expensive one you can find, even though it will soon break, and you'll need to buy another.  Mean is borrowing from the neighbor, and not returning it until it does break.

Love it.

[MrNYBudget]

I actually just wrote about how I combat slipping into cheap:

http://thenewyorkbudget.com/2014/01/03/being-generous-and-frugal-a-goal-for-2014/

I think as long as you are generous minded, even if that giving doesn't cost you an arm and a leg, you'll never fall into the cheap or mean category.

[Insanity]

Frugal is being smart with your money.
Cheap is locking your money away regardless of what it does to you.
Mean is locking your money away regardless of what it does to others.

For instance, the "Extreme Cheapskate" show where they fed friends food from the dumpster.  That wasn't cheap, that was mean.

[LibrarIan]

I tell others that being cheap means scraping food off of used plates at the local diner. Being mindful of your spending is taking a coupon to the diner. Being frugal is cooking at home with the wife while listening to Sinatra serenade us.

[RootofGood]

I'm just a Value Conscious Consumer^TM at all times. 

I've been known to use coupons and shop sales.  I'll jump through hoops if I can save the equivalent of $15-20+ per hour.  I'll buy used if it makes sense. 

I'll choose to go out for lunch instead of dinner if the price is substantially cheaper.  Or even better, cook at home. 

I don't know if any of this makes me mean, cheap, or frugal.  I think I'm frugal, others might think I'm cheap at times.  I doubt anyone would use the adjective "mean" to describe how I live though, since we don't have an extremely modest lifestyle. 

[MichaelR]

Frugal is buying a quality tool that will last, even though it's initially more expensive.  Cheap is buying the least expensive one you can find, even though it will soon break, and you'll need to buy another.  Mean is borrowing from the neighbor, and not returning it until it does break.

I think you have it nailed James.
How do we get it across to loved ones that we are being frugal not cheap? Or is it just not possible?

[needmyfi]

Frugal is buying a quality tool that will last, even though it's initially more expensive.  Cheap is buying the least expensive one you can find, even though it will soon break, and you'll need to buy another.  Mean is borrowing from the neighbor, and not returning it until it does break.

Frugal is being smart with your money.
Cheap is locking your money away regardless of what it does to you.
Mean is locking your money away regardless of what it does to others

++1  for these

[hybrid]

To me these are a continuum and where one draws a distinction is probably personal. My mother tells me being concerned about prices when you dont need to is "mean". Her lack of thought about price, particularly as she does need to, drives me nuts.

Where do draw the distinction? Do you check to make you arent slipping from frugal to cheap?

There are some great comments above, all I have to say is that the people I have met that cannot differentiate frugal from cheap don't live anything like a frugal lifestyle.  The very notion of not spending the better part of $4000 a year on cable TV and phones is just plain lost on them.  Not having cable = poor.   

[Jamesqf]

The very notion of not spending the better part of $4000 a year on cable TV and phones is just plain lost on them.  Not having cable = poor.

I'm not sure that even makes it under the frugal heading, at least for me.  Not spending money on things you don't want seems like a no-brainer to me. 

That may be one of the advantages of having spent the early parts of ones life being really poor.  There are so many things that you get used to not having - indeed, you may not even realize that they exist - that when you do become prosperous you never miss them, and so achieve a state of purely accidental frugality/cheapness.  See for instance the "things You Can't Live Without" thread.  So many things, like dryer sheets, that I never knew existed...

[Gerard]

Frugal is anything that I do.
Cheap is anything that you do.
Mean is anything that the fool over there does.