Author Topic: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??  (Read 2460 times)

montgomery212

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Do you feel like friends just donít get FI or do you think they actively want to talk you out of something they arenít pursuing?
Iím a calm kind of person who rarely gets mad, yet find myself so irritated by a conversation by a friend.  She knows Iím in a job that I donít like, though I donít sit around talking/complaining about it ever Ė when asked I merely say, yeah it sucks, I have to start job searching Ė and move the conversation along.  Reality is, Iím in a tight industry and itís a steady gig that pays well, so Iím not just going to leave until the right situation comes along.  Out of nowhere she brings it up and starts talking about how I really need to leave my job and join a mutual friend/colleagueís business.  Mutual friend is a solo lawyer in NYC.  NO WAY the guy could afford to pay me 175k+ and a 8% 401k match like my current job; itíd be more like 50-75k with a % of business I bring in (if anything Ė could be 0) and no 401k.  No thanks.

I donít discuss money with friends so I just simply say Ė Iím not looking to take a 50%+ pay cut, I donít care how much of an ďopportunityĒ this is.  Cue the ranting and raving about how money doesnít matter; I could make a LOT more once I start bringing in business (uh yeah solo lawyers in NYC are a dime a dozen, bringing in business isnít as automatic as you think and you could bring in nothing for 3 yrs); whatís the money even doing for me anyway.  I simply said Ė uh itís allowing me to make my money/invest young, so if I want to get out of law at 45 or 50, I can; taking a 50% pay cut now at age 38 voluntarily just slows that down/cuts off that option.  Cue more ranting about Ė and what retire, and do what??

The whole time all I could think was Ė you moved from law to social work and took like an 80% pay cut, do you want me to do this just bc you did? Do you want me to not max out retirement bc you havenít for 7 years?

I donít ever discuss FI with people though I do advocate making/investing your money young so that if 45 or 50 hits and you want to move on from being a lawyer and just own a small (not law) business or pick up a job, you can without worrying about Ė OMG I have to save for retirement in the next 10 yrs.  Do you feel like even the concept of FI scares others shitless bc they start thinking Ė how could she afford this, sheís my age, Iím no where close Ė and then subconsciously they start talking you out of it?

Dicey

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2018, 10:27:22 AM »
Maybe she's crab potting a bit, wanting to justify her own decision. Possibly she also doesn't like seeing (sensing) you're getting so far ahead of her. Or maybe she sees how miserable you are and wants something better for you. Dunno.

Cassie

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2018, 11:32:42 AM »
I find it strange that she kept trying to convince you once you said you were not interested.

okits

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2018, 11:34:06 AM »
If the friend doesn't understand money as a motivator, to get her off your back you can just say you don't think you would like the NYC option any better than what you have now.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2018, 03:07:49 PM »
As a childless-by-choice woman, I have had this exact conversation about having children many times.

Someone makes an assumption about what your goals should be - usually remarkably similar to their own life choices.
They encourage you to pursue those goals.
They become defensive when you tell them that those are actually the opposite of your goals.
They try to convince you that you're wrong.


This conversation might happen about a purebred vs pound puppy; baby pet or older pet; jobs; getting married; children; lawncare; HOAs; rent vs own a home; new vs used cars.

Friend makes a choice about X.
You trigger them to think you may also be interested in doing X.
They assume you'll do X the way they did X.
They defensively advocate for their position when you take the opposite position.

crxpilot

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2018, 03:35:55 PM »
Why dont you tell your friend to fuck off and that will be the end of it.  (Yes I am serious)

ltt

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2018, 08:25:57 AM »
Why dont you tell your friend to fuck off and that will be the end of it.  (Yes I am serious)

Yep, this would pretty much bring any future conversations about switching jobs/pay cut to a screeching halt. :)


radram

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2018, 08:30:08 AM »
Tell you friend to take the job, and tell you how it goes.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2018, 09:22:52 AM »
"If money doesn't matter, why don't you volunteer to make up the difference in my salary and benefits out of your own paycheck?"

radram

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Re: Friend trying to talk me into a pay cut - ever happen to you??
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2018, 09:31:51 AM »
"If money doesn't matter, why don't you volunteer to make up the difference in my salary and benefits out of your own paycheck?"

This is better than mine :)