Author Topic: Fitting into society being semi-fired  (Read 1609 times)

Capt j-rod

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Fitting into society being semi-fired
« on: December 04, 2017, 04:19:32 PM »
I am struggling to fit into society lately... I'm 39, married 2 girls, and "semi retired"... I have my own business and only work 2-3 days a week. I have 5 rental properties that also throw money in the pot. The wife works 15 days a month. Our cost of living is pretty low, and we easily save and invest plenty. NOBODY else in my age bracket does this. They all live paycheck to paycheck with maxed out charge cards. I don't go out to dinner three nights a week, and everything that my friends do involves $50 here or there. I get a constant criticism for being "tight" and not "living". I joke that I am "living" great while they are slaving away 50 hrs a week. Anybody else have this problem?

ixtap

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 04:26:29 PM »
I just don't care what age my friends are. Instead, I find people with similar schedules, and more importantly interests. Currently, the age range is 19 to about 89.

SwordGuy

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 04:51:05 PM »
I'm 39, married 2 girls, and "semi retired"...

Did you mean

"I'm 39, married, 2 girls, and 'semi retired'..."

Enquiring minds want to know! :)

surfhb

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2017, 04:55:48 PM »
Im confused....Your life is just how you want it.    Why are you having issues with what people say?
« Last Edit: December 04, 2017, 05:35:00 PM by surfhb »

lbmustache

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2017, 04:59:56 PM »
Im confused....Youre life is just how you want it.    Why are you having issues with what people say?

I agree. I wouldn't be particularly concerned with how others live, or if you are, then time to find some like-minded people to hang out with.

As far as the friends go, I would say a once a month $50 excursion does not sound bad to maintain the friendship. Perhaps sounds like a pricey dinner, maybe it's time to scope out the local happy hours. ;) You don't need to do it weekly.

Maybe suggest alternate things to do that are cheaper/free - dinner parties, hiking, picnics, meeting up for coffee, etc.

mozar

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2017, 05:02:11 PM »
I find myself mostly hanging out with the 65+ crowd because they tend to volunteer more (I volunteer a lot), and I'm 35. No big deal.
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Retire-Canada

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2017, 05:29:03 PM »
I am struggling to fit into society lately... I'm 39, married 2 girls, and "semi retired"... I have my own business and only work 2-3 days a week. I have 5 rental properties that also throw money in the pot. The wife works 15 days a month. Our cost of living is pretty low, and we easily save and invest plenty. NOBODY else in my age bracket does this. They all live paycheck to paycheck with maxed out charge cards. I don't go out to dinner three nights a week, and everything that my friends do involves $50 here or there. I get a constant criticism for being "tight" and not "living". I joke that I am "living" great while they are slaving away 50 hrs a week. Anybody else have this problem?

I've downshifted to 3 x 8hrs days this year. I budget for some social time out with my friends each week and I plan to do the same in FIRE. I can't change them so my options are 1) hang out with them and spend some $$ or 2) don't hang out with them as much.

In general I am okay with #1 although I do steer the ship towards lower cost options when it matters. For example camping for long weekends instead of vacation rentals.

Since I keep my costs low the rest of the time my social spending doesn't cause me any grief.

surfhb

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2017, 05:38:51 PM »
Yeah....the reason you are in this position is because of how your treat the way you spend.     Nobody else your age (me included) has what you have is because they do not.    Thats their choice....maybe they are ware and maybe they are not.      Are you happy with your situation?     Do you wish you and your wife went out more? 

seattlecyclone

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2017, 05:55:34 PM »
My wife and I each work three days per week, and have a young child. I find that working less gives us an opportunity to take care of chores and things around the house during the week so that we have more time during the weekends to do things with friends. Sometimes those things are more on the expensive side, but we're fine with doing such things a couple times per month. If we were both working five days per week and caring for a two-year-old there's no way we'd have the energy for any sort of social life.
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Capt j-rod

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2017, 08:50:12 PM »
it's not a money thing as far as the $50 goes. I tag along every now and then. They go three nights a week. Most of the people I know that are 50+ know exactly what I am up to. My 35-45 friends all think differently. They are living "now". Most of them can't figure out why I have what I have without the 50+ hour grind. The world is free to spend their money however they choose, but I am pretty much the only one that does what I do at age 39. As for the inquiring mind, it's obviously a typo. If I had two wives I would be working 80+hrs a week to manage that LOL. My kids are young, pre-school and kindergarten... I get to put them on the bus and drop off the little one every day. I work on my rentals and remodel a new property every year. I do HVAC, plumbing and electrical too. I carry all the licenses. Some of my buddies still work for the companies that I got the training from to sit for the licenses. They all think it is easier to cash the checks than run a small company. It just kinda feels weird having to go online to find people who "get it" when it comes to real world finances and not being owned by the bank and MasterCard sometimes. The discussion cycle with the guys gets old. They got out to dinner 3-4 nights a week, buy stupid shit and then cry bloody murder when their hot water heater dies or they need tires on their truck. If you dare mention changing their precious lifestyle then they freak out. Don't get me wrong, they're all great people that work hard and pay taxes, but it is sad to watch them continue to shoot themselves in the foot over and over and over. Needless to say, their bosses love them because they always want more work and more overtime. I watch this as I go fishing, hunting, biking, canoeing, camping, or whatever else sounds fun in my spare time. LOL.

Erica

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2017, 10:19:58 PM »
Sounds like you are having issues finding like-minded friends close to your own age.

I'd become more active. Get serious about exercise. The younger retired or "semi-retired" as you call yourself are more likely to be found in hardcore exercise related circles. Just because it takes time to stay in shape.

Otherwise I've been working 3 days per week for about 3 years. I am married, ag49 years old. We have a 26 yr old son

I don't consider myself "semi-retired" but maybe I should. Especially since I have no real plans of retiring.

Just getting into shape. Legs are forming well above the thigh now, so nice. We've kept up exercise for health but not hardocre at all

It's been just over a month of hard-core exericisng, the body seems to remember how to get back into form quite quickly

The hard-cores here are semi-retired. Stop by frequently but not to ride, likely won't want to until I can keep up at least somewhat.

Moved here primarily due to it being the second most popular mtn biking area in Calif yet it provides much cleaner air

Snowed a few times so far....

We are all in a hiking group together also so we'll see them either way

You may need to move to be around other exercise fiends who are also "semi- retired"















« Last Edit: December 04, 2017, 10:23:28 PM by Erica »

cchrissyy

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2017, 11:29:26 PM »
A lot of people in their 30s and 40s who might be available to hang out with you aren't going to use the words retired or semi-retired. They'll be stay at home parents. Or self-employed, whether the busy serious full-time kind or the minimal hours just for fun kind. Or remote employees who have normal jobs but also lot of schedule flexibility bc they work only/mostly from home. Or they'll be on a break/sabbatical from their previous career until they decide what's next (and maybe that's really a placeholder answer for "no career is coming up next").

Going to the gym during the day (or free meetups like running or cycling clubs) is a great idea for finding the people who have time for such a thing. Same with volunteering.

As far as your existing friends, that's cool if they like to go out 3x a week and you only want to do so 1x a week. But would they also be interested in a shift to another venue? like what if you hosted something at home? or what if you started taking walks instead of sitting in restaurants?  I have some friends who have very different work lives and money attitudes than I do, but usually the are very glad when I suggest a walk or coffee shop instead of sitting down for a meal. I don't think the fact some people spend every $ they make and load up credit cards somehow means they wouldn't like to take a walk, right?  Try to find new patterns that work for everyone.

Capt j-rod

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2017, 08:29:09 AM »
we all go fishing quite a bit. I have the boat and the gear, they buy the gas and snacks. It all works out well. my operating expenses are $0 and they get to go too. In the winter we ice fish with is damn near free. The biggest reason for the eating out life is they have no time outside of work to shop for groceries much less cook them. They all come over for dinner and play euchre in the winter. The best I've been able to do is to prepare a meal and divide out the ingredients and they come for dinner. If it weren't for that they would never get a home cooked meal. I've offered to do it for free but then they feel like they are free loading. It's awesome what you can prepare with $50 worth of ingredients.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2017, 03:12:38 PM »
Focus more on the positives of your situation and dont get caught up in what your friends have or dont have. Instead ignore the age and find like minded people. If there older so what and heck you will probably find you will learn from them and how to deal with some of the things your thinking . I'm early 50's retired and theres not alot of people my age..actually none that I can think of that are doing what i do. I go to the gym and meet my neighbors , theres plenty of people around.
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2Birds1Stone

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2017, 07:19:50 PM »
I'm 39, married 2 girls, and "semi retired"...

Did you mean

"I'm 39, married, 2 girls, and 'semi retired'..."

Enquiring minds want to know! :)

I second this, if you married 2 girls, I'm curious as well ;)
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Malkynn

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Re: Fitting into society being semi-fired
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2017, 04:51:37 AM »
Itís pretty simple: if your friends are judgemental about your totally reasonable lifestyle choices, then your friends are kind of assholes.

Youíre going to have friction when you ideologically move in a different direction than your social group. Either they will respectfully adapt to it, or they wonít and you wonít be able to be as a close with them.

I have plenty of super spendy friends and colleagues, I work in an industry just dripping with people who finance luxury cars. However, they respect my choices and say things like ďI wish I could be happy doing that, but itís just not for meĒ.
People donít need to agree with you to be your friend, but they do need to respect you.

So how do I deal with it? I simply expect respect, and itís a deal breaker if I donít get it.