Feeling a little drained and want to quit my job to re-evaluate

[deek]

I've been working in my current position for about a year now, and even though it brought a great pay bump and benefits, my values aren't aligned with the company, I'm not able to spend enough time doing things I want to do, and ultimately it's just pointless work and I'm a cog in the wheel of trying to make money for shareholders. It's a waste of life. I'm just trying to figure out if I have enough saved up to maybe quit for a year and build something on my own or get some more knowledge/education and switch it up career wise.

Here's what my financials looks like:

Student debt - $18k
Roth IRA balance - $12,600
Traditional IRA balance - $15k

Checking (high interest) - $26K

Crypto - $9K

car paid off ($150 a month insurance)
$650 rent/month

I have a side hustle, which has gotten me where I am today, but the market has slowed down quite a bit so I'm thinking about liquidating my inventory.

Things I want to make time for:
- Being more present with my SO. I'm always thinking into the future and about how I can get ahead. It gets exhausting sometimes.
- Fishing
- Learning harmonica
- Weight training and fitness

Things I potentially want to work on for possible future income streams:
- A fishing website, with me as the content creator, writing lots and doing keyword targeting
- A youtube channel (possibly centered around one of my hobbies)
- A certification or multiple certifications of some type that would enable me to work remotely full time, and hopefully, work when I want to work

I have considered, if I quit my job, picking up something part time to be able to "make ends meet" for lack of better words, while I figure things out. I will soon be popping the question to my lovely SO, but there will be costs associated with this, and we would like to start a family a couple years down the road. One other thing is health insurance - I would need it. So I would probably have to stomach paying 200-250 a month while not being employed.

Ultimately, for a career I just want to have the flexibility to not be working on someone else's time all the time.

I want to see if anyone has any tips/recommendations/words of wisdom for me. I just feel a little empty on a day to day basis. And with each passing day, I get more and more annoyed doing the same old stuff at work and acting like I care about increasing their bottom line. I'm 29, and yes FIRE sounds nice, but if I died in 5 years, well what a waste that would have been when I have these things I want to pursue, you know?

Sorry if this is all over the place.

[lutorm]

Since you don't have much in terms of assets, it seems the first thing you should do is really pin down your expenses. You mention rent and car insurance. Presumably you eat, pay for gas, make payments on that student loan, do something for fun that costs money, etc. Without knowing your expenses it's kind of hard to tell. But already the expenses you've mentioned would be at least $1k/month, so a year with no income would eat at least half your cash reserve. That seems like an iffy proposition to me, unless it's for doing something that is a clear investment for the future.

You also don't mention your income, so we don't know how much another year of working would improve your situation. Since you don't have that many assets, I'd assume that either your job doesn't pay very well or your expenses are high. Which of these it is makes a big difference.

[JJ-]

Silly question, but what do your evenings and weekends look like? Seems like you could set yourself up to generate income doing your hobby fishing for youtube videos or start writing articles while gainfully employed. You'd figure out quickly if that will pan out long term for you if you can keep it up for a month or more. before you quit.

You also mention being mention more present with your SO. What does that mean? Are you too distracted by work or other things while you are together? Or does that mean your current work schedule does not allow for quality time?

Does your SO enjoy the same hobbies? Would you be able to do them together or will you still be looking to balance what you want to do vs being more present with SO?

I would suggest sticking with it, and trying to find time for what would bring you happiness outside of work. If it's a great pay bump, save up some money and come give an update in 6-12 months when you've got a year or more of expenses saved up and your expenses accounted.

[deek]

Since you don't have much in terms of assets, it seems the first thing you should do is really pin down your expenses. You mention rent and car insurance. Presumably you eat, pay for gas, make payments on that student loan, do something for fun that costs money, etc. Without knowing your expenses it's kind of hard to tell. But already the expenses you've mentioned would be at least $1k/month, so a year with no income would eat at least half your cash reserve. That seems like an iffy proposition to me, unless it's for doing something that is a clear investment for the future.

You also don't mention your income, so we don't know how much another year of working would improve your situation. Since you don't have that many assets, I'd assume that either your job doesn't pay very well or your expenses are high. Which of these it is makes a big difference.

A year and a half ago, I had $3,000 in my checking, only $2,000-some in my roth, and only $4800 in my traditional ira. I was making $42,000 salary.

I have made a real nice chunk of $$ on my side-hustle the last 18 months. This allowed me to max my ira for 2020 and pay off one of my federal student loans (about $2,500 worth).

I currently make about $63,000 salary before taxes. But the side hustle, like I said, is in a down-ish market and is much harder to make $ in now. So I'm considering cashing out on most of my stuff.

I do need to get a better idea of my expenses. Maybe I can follow up with that info later.

[Christof]

It does sound like you have 8 months of your pre-tax income saved. That is a relatively low number, because depending on your saving rate you can survive for some time and then have nothing rather than using your stash to make more money now.

[deek]

Silly question, but what do your evenings and weekends look like? Seems like you could set yourself up to generate income doing your hobby fishing for youtube videos or start writing articles while gainfully employed. You'd figure out quickly if that will pan out long term for you if you can keep it up for a month or more. before you quit.

You also mention being mention more present with your SO. What does that mean? Are you too distracted by work or other things while you are together? Or does that mean your current work schedule does not allow for quality time?

Does your SO enjoy the same hobbies? Would you be able to do them together or will you still be looking to balance what you want to do vs being more present with SO?

I would suggest sticking with it, and trying to find time for what would bring you happiness outside of work. If it's a great pay bump, save up some money and come give an update in 6-12 months when you've got a year or more of expenses saved up and your expenses accounted.

I think carving out some time on weekends to try out making youtube videos and/or writing blogs on my own website would be a good start. That of course means sacrificing time with my SO. One of my issues is I have so many things I enjoy doing, sometimes I get like mental paralysis trying to decide what to do.

In regards to being more present with my SO, I mean I'm distracted sometimes and it causes me to not listen as well as I should, and to just not be at present in general. I sometimes have trouble just living in the moment. SO has few hobbies, which makes this tough. If I were to go fishing, she would like being in a kayak near me on the water, so that could work. She likes to read. But nothing really stands out as something she really enjoys doing in her free time. So I feel guilty a lot when I want to do things and she's just chilling at home.

I'm sure I could stick it out, but I just hate having these repetitive monthly business reports and being in a position where I'm not really impacting business a whole lot because the capabilities I have in my role depend on other teams and whether or not they are enabling us to get more work done. But ultimately, I don't care about the business, haha. In this situation, it's tough.

[deek]

I'm honestly thinking about finding like a delivery driver job that's a little more mindless, so that I can get work done and not be thinking about trying to make money for someone other than myself, not be thinking about how I can improve some powerpoint for a business review, not be thinking about how to optimize listings on a website..... etc etc

[Dibbels81]

Sounds similar to the "Thrisis" I went through in my late 20's. Dead end job (you're in much better shape than I was, however). I went back to school and entered the healthcare profession at 31. Graduated with close to zero $ and owned a Geo Prizm. 7 years later, my wife and I (met in school) just passed 7 figure net worth.

Point? Go for it. If you have your shit together, the money will be there to earn later on. It will hurt when you start eating into your savings, but you could spend time getting your website together, get shredded, making babies, etc. Maybe set a reasonable start time, e.g. 6 months from now? Save and scrimp like a miser till then. Good luck to you.

[wageslave23]

Like another poster said, start thinking about and planning your next career, then start working on it for a year or so until you are ready to transition.  Taking a year off with no clear plan will leave you in the same spot you are now but with less money in a year from now.  Believe me, I know.  I quit two different jobs in my early 20s because I couldn't stand the jobs and wanted time to think and plan.  Nothing came of either of those two periods, other than getting anxious about not having a job.  Start looking for another job, always be looking and interviewing.  Eventually something interesting and/or lucrative will come along.  Good luck. 

[deek]

Sounds similar to the "Thrisis" I went through in my late 20's. Dead end job (you're in much better shape than I was, however). I went back to school and entered the healthcare profession at 31. Graduated with close to zero $ and owned a Geo Prizm. 7 years later, my wife and I (met in school) just passed 7 figure net worth.

Point? Go for it. If you have your shit together, the money will be there to earn later on. It will hurt when you start eating into your savings, but you could spend time getting your website together, get shredded, making babies, etc. Maybe set a reasonable start time, e.g. 6 months from now? Save and scrimp like a miser till then. Good luck to you.

How do you find out that the medical field was for you? For me, I just dislike being around people more and more with time. And so having to kiss ass at work and act like you care about the cause becomes worse with time too. I just have no clue what I want to do professionally which is why I'm always thinking about just writing about my interests and hobbies.

[Archipelago]

PTF

[deek]

PTF

?

[Christof]

PTF = Posting to follow. There is no way to subscribe to threads here unless you have posted something, at least not in the same way.

[Dibbels81]

Sounds similar to the "Thrisis" I went through in my late 20's. Dead end job (you're in much better shape than I was, however). I went back to school and entered the healthcare profession at 31. Graduated with close to zero $ and owned a Geo Prizm. 7 years later, my wife and I (met in school) just passed 7 figure net worth.

Point? Go for it. If you have your shit together, the money will be there to earn later on. It will hurt when you start eating into your savings, but you could spend time getting your website together, get shredded, making babies, etc. Maybe set a reasonable start time, e.g. 6 months from now? Save and scrimp like a miser till then. Good luck to you.

How do you find out that the medical field was for you? For me, I just dislike being around people more and more with time. And so having to kiss ass at work and act like you care about the cause becomes worse with time too. I just have no clue what I want to do professionally which is why I'm always thinking about just writing about my interests and hobbies.

As my wife and I found out, full-time medical work is draining and tough. However, the medical field is great for part-time work, which lends itself well to our plans of a coast FIRE. I care about the patients but don't give a damn about the other aspects of medical care (e.g. billing, productivity issues, dumb crap). Not a great field if people annoy you. Like you, I'd rather be fishing. 

[Dreamer40]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

[deek]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

[henramdrea]

Student debt - $18k
Roth IRA balance - $12,600
Traditional IRA balance - $15k

Checking (high interest) - $26K

Crypto - $9K

car paid off ($150 a month insurance)
$650 rent/month

I have a side hustle, which has gotten me where I am today, but the market has slowed down quite a bit so I'm thinking about liquidating my inventory.

Things I want to make time for:
- Being more present with my SO. I'm always thinking into the future and about how I can get ahead. It gets exhausting sometimes.
- Fishing
- Learning harmonica
- Weight training and fitness

Things I potentially want to work on for possible future income streams:
- A fishing website, with me as the content creator, writing lots and doing keyword targeting
- A youtube channel (possibly centered around one of my hobbies)
- A certification or multiple certifications of some type that would enable me to work remotely full time, and hopefully, work when I want to work



Ultimately, for a career I just want to have the flexibility to not be working on someone else's time all the time.

 I'm 29, and yes FIRE sounds nice, but if I died in 5 years, well what a waste that would have been when I have these things I want to pursue, you know?

So I kind of edited your OP a little to maybe help you focus on some things.
First, where your finances are.  You could do some mindless part time work like delivery driver which could afford you some flexibility in your schedule to focus on for "future income streams"  The "things I want to make time for" can also be worked-in as your schedule allows.

Your savings can be invested in yourself.  You mention some certifications and other training that would be beneficial to further your earning potential.  You're still young but you've had some time to figure out what you don't want to do, now you may have to find what you DO want to do or what you can tolerate doing for the next decade or so while you build your investments.

The "dad" in me wants to just say, knuckle-under and just get it done, but I know things aren't quite as clear-cut as they were in my day.  My oldest is about your age and struggling with the same things.  She's chasing some dreams and getting paid a little for them, but still needs to draw a paycheck from somewhere.  She works for a remote call-center now.  Tiring work, but she doesn't have to commute and the hours are somewhat flexible.  Anyway, best of luck in your searches.

[NorthernIkigai]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

You sound like you need to get a new job. Many jobs aren’t that fulfilling or exciting, but learning the ropes and swapping old problems and coworkers for new ones has tended to help me when I’ve been stuck in a rut in my career before. Even better if you can get a higher salary than before, of course.

Regarding your significant other, it sounds like you both need to talk and find something that you both enjoy doing together. Or even conclude that you both need a lot of time alone and that having different interests works out just fine. There’s no one formula to a happy relationship and a happy life, but it sure sounds like you feel a bit stuck as it is. I don’t think just quitting your job and starting a dead-end job while trying to turn a hobby into a career is a good idea at this point.

The mental paralysis you mention when trying to focus on something you enjoy in your spare time almost sounds to me like you could use the help of an outside expert of some sort (a mentor, a career coach, a therapist). Or just see if finding a new (professional) job energises you in other areas of life as well.

[deek]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

You sound like you need to get a new job. Many jobs aren’t that fulfilling or exciting, but learning the ropes and swapping old problems and coworkers for new ones has tended to help me when I’ve been stuck in a rut in my career before. Even better if you can get a higher salary than before, of course.

Regarding your significant other, it sounds like you both need to talk and find something that you both enjoy doing together. Or even conclude that you both need a lot of time alone and that having different interests works out just fine. There’s no one formula to a happy relationship and a happy life, but it sure sounds like you feel a bit stuck as it is. I don’t think just quitting your job and starting a dead-end job while trying to turn a hobby into a career is a good idea at this point.

The mental paralysis you mention when trying to focus on something you enjoy in your spare time almost sounds to me like you could use the help of an outside expert of some sort (a mentor, a career coach, a therapist). Or just see if finding a new (professional) job energises you in other areas of life as well.

Thank you. I probably made my SO and I's hobby situation sound a little worse than it is. We go to live music together, we enjoy craft beer together, we go on hikes together, we do several things together. But there are other things I like that she simply doesn't enjoy, and vice versa, which is totally fine. This isn't a pain point really, I just need to find a way to be more present, therefore, more capable of communicating my hobby needs and understanding her hobby needs, that's all.

For the career piece, I'm already applying to new jobs to hopefully find something different. Not too worried about a pay bump right now. Where I'm at just doesn't feel great and I'm hoping to find something I can do remotely full time. And maybe a bit more job satisfaction combined with less random worrying will allow me to focus a little more on what I want to accomplish outside of work.

[JJ-]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

You sound like you need to get a new job. Many jobs aren’t that fulfilling or exciting, but learning the ropes and swapping old problems and coworkers for new ones has tended to help me when I’ve been stuck in a rut in my career before. Even better if you can get a higher salary than before, of course.

Regarding your significant other, it sounds like you both need to talk and find something that you both enjoy doing together. Or even conclude that you both need a lot of time alone and that having different interests works out just fine. There’s no one formula to a happy relationship and a happy life, but it sure sounds like you feel a bit stuck as it is. I don’t think just quitting your job and starting a dead-end job while trying to turn a hobby into a career is a good idea at this point.

The mental paralysis you mention when trying to focus on something you enjoy in your spare time almost sounds to me like you could use the help of an outside expert of some sort (a mentor, a career coach, a therapist). Or just see if finding a new (professional) job energises you in other areas of life as well.

I like this response. I agree that quitting to try and turn a hobby into income is a bad idea. I think you'll be mentally and financially worse off, @deek, if you follow that path . You've gotten a good start to your career with your salary and it's often taken for granted until it's gone when you have a hard time making ends meet and see savings deplete week after week.

I like the idea of looking for a new job. It keeps you employed currently (much much easier to get a new job without gaps in a resume) and also gives you something to focus on. Finding a new job can be time consuming so be prepared for the tradeoff between hobbies and finding a new job for the short term. Maybe if you need to feel attached to a mission you can find a non profit or NGO where you can transfer your skills.

[Metalcat]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

Then don't.

The world of work is enormous.
If what you are doing isn't working for you, then do something else.

Also, people aren't annoying, trying to get shit done that you don't want to have to do while dealing with people in annoying.
People can be great if you are doing stuff you really enjoy and don't spend a lot of time doing shit you don't enjoy with people.

[Dreamer40]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

I get what you’re saying, but I still advocate for delayed gratification and just sucking it up. Most of these jobs still have some interest or benefit to them. Not every minute sucks. As much as I hated being a lawyer, I came out of it with some kick ass skills that are applicable in everyday life. Plus, you don’t have to do those kinds of jobs for 20+ years. I certainly didn’t. The point is to get in, make your money and save it, and then FIRE (unless you love it enough to stay). I’m 40 years old and sitting on my couch right now after lunch next to my dogs. I spent the morning lifting weights, digging holes in my backyard for more fruit trees, and shopping for champagne. The stressful career I didn’t enjoy was 100% worth it. If you happen to find something you enjoy that pays decently well, then definitely do that. But if you don’t, it’s fine to just make as much money as you can as quickly as you can so you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

[deek]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

I get what you’re saying, but I still advocate for delayed gratification and just sucking it up. Most of these jobs still have some interest or benefit to them. Not every minute sucks. As much as I hated being a lawyer, I came out of it with some kick ass skills that are applicable in everyday life. Plus, you don’t have to do those kinds of jobs for 20+ years. I certainly didn’t. The point is to get in, make your money and save it, and then FIRE (unless you love it enough to stay). I’m 40 years old and sitting on my couch right now after lunch next to my dogs. I spent the morning lifting weights, digging holes in my backyard for more fruit trees, and shopping for champagne. The stressful career I didn’t enjoy was 100% worth it. If you happen to find something you enjoy that pays decently well, then definitely do that. But if you don’t, it’s fine to just make as much money as you can as quickly as you can so you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Since you're out of the grind at 40, I'm assuming you took advantage of all kinds of other investments outside of maxing out 401ks and IRAs. If in the future I have the means to go far beyond my IRA, what are some good ways for that money to make more money for me? Real estate? High dividend ETFs?

As far as the job thing goes, I'm hoping to keep applying for different positions every year and a half to 2 years so I can build my salary faster and/or get more leverage with my current employer. I really can't stomach going back to school and adding more debt. I just haven't been convinced that it makes any sense. And I couldn't survive as a lawyer... haha.

[Dreamer40]

I couldn’t think of any lucrative work that matched my skills and wouldn’t feel draining. So I sucked it up and worked as a lawyer until I saved enough that I didn’t need to work anymore. I hated it but now I’m free for real. I took a lot of fun trips to break up the time and get me through it. Some people find lucrative work they actually love, but I don’t know how common that really is. Many of us here hate(d) our work but found it to be a means to an end. So you might need to just put in some time until you either find the thing that doesn’t suck for you, or earn enough money that it stops mattering. Your hobbies might feel less fun if they become something you have to do in order to eat.

The whole working full time in a job that's not fulfilling at all is just such a waste. It's most of 5/7 days of the week. I get not everything is rainbows all the time but do that for 20-30-40 years it's like "what the f was I doing?" I don't want to have that moment.

I get what you’re saying, but I still advocate for delayed gratification and just sucking it up. Most of these jobs still have some interest or benefit to them. Not every minute sucks. As much as I hated being a lawyer, I came out of it with some kick ass skills that are applicable in everyday life. Plus, you don’t have to do those kinds of jobs for 20+ years. I certainly didn’t. The point is to get in, make your money and save it, and then FIRE (unless you love it enough to stay). I’m 40 years old and sitting on my couch right now after lunch next to my dogs. I spent the morning lifting weights, digging holes in my backyard for more fruit trees, and shopping for champagne. The stressful career I didn’t enjoy was 100% worth it. If you happen to find something you enjoy that pays decently well, then definitely do that. But if you don’t, it’s fine to just make as much money as you can as quickly as you can so you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Since you're out of the grind at 40, I'm assuming you took advantage of all kinds of other investments outside of maxing out 401ks and IRAs. If in the future I have the means to go far beyond my IRA, what are some good ways for that money to make more money for me? Real estate? High dividend ETFs?

As far as the job thing goes, I'm hoping to keep applying for different positions every year and a half to 2 years so I can build my salary faster and/or get more leverage with my current employer. I really can't stomach going back to school and adding more debt. I just haven't been convinced that it makes any sense. And I couldn't survive as a lawyer... haha.

The finances are so situation-specific. But once I paid off my student debt, I started off with standard index funds. And then real estate ended up being a big part of it, but it wasn’t intentional. I got lucky with the value of my first house going way up and then I sold it and moved to a lower cost of living area.

I also have a husband who basically did what you’re saying. He got a new job every one to three years, which kept boosting his salary faster than ordinary raises. It also gave him a huge professional network, which made getting those jobs easier and easier. Together, we made it happen! He’s still working now because he likes it. Working with a buddy can make FIRE faster. Like we shared a single cheap car our whole marriage.

[JungYo]

I am by no means an expert on the financial side, but having been married to my DW for almost 26 years now, I've learned a few things about maintaining a great relationship. Relevant to your discussion, @deek :

- Try to identify if there are any parts of your hobbies your SO might enjoy. For example, my wife won't go kayaking/fishing with me. But we discovered she enjoys tying up rigs I use to fish. So we do that together, and talk and laugh. She's also found it fun to hunt for sand fleas (bait) when we go to the coast, and read while I fish.
- I buy unpainted jig heads, shaky heads, etc. My artist wife paints them however she wants, with any colors she wants. Coming home telling her I caught a bass on one of her painted jigs is very satisfying for both of us.
- Perhaps your SO has interest or skills in "back-end" areas of your hobbies: creating graphics, editing, whatever you have going on. While she may not be interested in participating in the actual hobby, she may well be interested in the less glamorous parts of monetizing your interests. Ask her, you might be surprised. Do not order her, though! (And if she does show interest, let her do it her way.)

I've found my SO now does the same with me for the hobbies she does pursue. Even if it's something as simple as nailing together a frame, I listen, take her instruction, do as I'm told. We have pure, genuine interest in each other's hobbies because of this approach.

[deek]

I'm still not feeling great about staying at my job. Still applying to places to see what happens. Has anyone taken some type of leave of absence just for a mental health break and still had their job be protected??

[Linea_Norway]

I'm still not feeling great about staying at my job. Still applying to places to see what happens. Has anyone taken some type of leave of absence just for a mental health break and still had their job be protected??

Yes, I once took 3 months off from a job where I worked for 10 years. I asked for it 9 months ahead of time and took off in the summer. And I documented a lot for a temp to take over.

I suggest that you really try to find a new job that will inspire you for a few yars. And make sure you make a salary bump, as it is hard to do that without changing jobs.
Start tracking your expenses. And then find out where you can save on. Sell the crypto and put it in an index fund. Don't buy future cars with a loan. Don't go working low paying jobs as your primary income if you can earn more, you would have to work much longer than necessary. Discuss the concept of FIRE with your SO, as it is easier to not be a big spendee if your SO is aligned.

[deek]

I think one of the issues I'm facing is that I want more of a head down, mindless job that allows me to focus my creative energy on things I want to build for myself outside of work. Anyone have any ideas as far as jobs that pay well that might be considered a little boring?

[stealthwealth]

I went through this feeling a lot in 2008 or so, RIGHT before the financial crisis.  I was ready to quit my job, travel to figure out what I wanted, etc.  Not knowing how bad the Great Recession would be, I ended up staying put and found a much better job a few years later, all the while accumulating savings.  My job at the time had the potential to be a soul sucking nightmare for a Trump wannabe, but I also was able to keep my distance and built enough cred that the owner of the business didn't bother me, all of which ended up making it way easier to get a way better job.  I've been working since, and could FIRE right now (1.7M net worth, house almost paid off), but I also like my coworkers and I'm only 42, so I'm fine continuing to work and not eat into my nest egg for now.  If things go bad, I can just FIRE. 

There's always an opportunity cost, in other words.  If there are skills you can acquire in your current job, and if you can save most of your income for the next 2 years or so, you'll be in an excellent position to pursue other ambitions without worry.  So I say stick it out for a couple years, but have a plan and save like hell. 

[deek]

I went through this feeling a lot in 2008 or so, RIGHT before the financial crisis.  I was ready to quit my job, travel to figure out what I wanted, etc.  Not knowing how bad the Great Recession would be, I ended up staying put and found a much better job a few years later, all the while accumulating savings.  My job at the time had the potential to be a soul sucking nightmare for a Trump wannabe, but I also was able to keep my distance and built enough cred that the owner of the business didn't bother me, all of which ended up making it way easier to get a way better job.  I've been working since, and could FIRE right now (1.7M net worth, house almost paid off), but I also like my coworkers and I'm only 42, so I'm fine continuing to work and not eat into my nest egg for now.  If things go bad, I can just FIRE. 

There's always an opportunity cost, in other words.  If there are skills you can acquire in your current job, and if you can save most of your income for the next 2 years or so, you'll be in an excellent position to pursue other ambitions without worry.  So I say stick it out for a couple years, but have a plan and save like hell.

As far as the savings go, would anyone here recommend putting money in high dividend real estate funds? Or is the recommendation always going to be total stock index funds? How are my savings going to make me the most $$ possible?

[Christof]

How are my savings going to make me the most $$ possible?

That is easy to answer: By taking the highest possible risk! You might make an incredible fortune, or more likely loose it all.

[deek]

How are my savings going to make me the most $$ possible?

That is easy to answer: By taking the highest possible risk! You might make an incredible fortune, or more likely loose it all.

I'm not into trading sticks or any of that stuff. Would it be worth putting money somewhere to make good dividends or just throw it all at VTSAX?

[Linea_Norway]

Yes, the advice is always to invest in low cost index funds. You will follow the market and do as well, and sometimes better than managed funds. And it is relatively low risk, apart from that stocks always are high risk because of being volatile. If you have more stash, you can also put some percentage in bonds. I think there is an investment advice thread in the sticked threads.
Or in rental properties, but that is not a form of passive investment.

[life_travel]

I think one of the issues I'm facing is that I want more of a head down, mindless job that allows me to focus my creative energy on things I want to build for myself outside of work. Anyone have any ideas as far as jobs that pay well that might be considered a little boring?

Same here. Came here to read through topics if anyone had any suggestions. I was at a burn out stage last March , started having panic attacks, fatigue, insomnia, etc . Then suddenly I was on leave without pay due to covid ( but ended up getting some government benefit pay). I took a few months just to recover a bit, studied short course , then serious things happened in my personal life that put my mental health back to that dark place .. Then I got a physical job( on my feet and active for 8 hrs ) that is great for part time option but I now suffer from plantar fasciitis and can't stand on my feet longer than 3-4 hrs :(

Got back to my old, corporate job VERY reluctantly , only 2 days a week, and now 8 weeks later , I can't stomach it.
On paper it's great, good pay, only 2 days , but in reality it's still very demanding , unfortunately I still feel effect from my burn out , my memory is much worse, I used to pride myself on being fast learner and now I am super slow. I used to multitask with ease, now it fills me with dread..
I just want a simple job , for now , and a bit stuck on options . Hospitality and retail is an obvious choice but I can't be on my feet .  I am a nervous driver for any delivery jobs.
Talking all day makes me anxious now ( so call centre jobs are out).

I may need to start a new thread to see if people can give any advice to me ( and you, since I can so relate to your feelings).

[Chris Pascale]

Would you consider the following: Write a check and pay off the $18k in loans, and take 2 weeks off. Then build your checking back to $26k and take a month off - paid or unpaid.

[LouLou]

My recommendation is finding another job, and asking for a delayed start date. If you got a job today, ask for a start date in November or December because you need to attend to some personal/family issues that will resolved by then.

[Chris Pascale]

My recommendation is finding another job, and asking for a delayed start date.

Terrific advice. My wife is leaving her current position this Friday and will have a substantial gap before starting the next one - possibly 6 weeks. I've done the same in the past and it's always been beneficial. I'm currently applying for promotions, and when the next one comes in, I plan to take a month or more of paid leave before starting in the new position.

[deek]

My recommendation is finding another job, and asking for a delayed start date.

Terrific advice. My wife is leaving her current position this Friday and will have a substantial gap before starting the next one - possibly 6 weeks. I've done the same in the past and it's always been beneficial. I'm currently applying for promotions, and when the next one comes in, I plan to take a month or more of paid leave before starting in the new position.

This is sounding better and better the more I think about it.
I want to bring something up.

Today I had a severe panic attack as a result of the every day anxiety at work, and something happened to make it boil over. Luckily, my SO was home to help calm me down fairly quickly. I'm coming to the realization that this just isn't worth it.

Over the pandemic, I found out I could make money on my own, and now working in corporate seems like such a waste of time. I get paid well with good benefits,  but it just isn't doing it for me. We do monthly business reviews and they are just one thing that gets on my nerves all the damn time. People have become to short-sighted as a result of monthly vs quarterly reviews and it is beyond irritating.

Also, I spend so much time thinking analytically and strategically (my mind doesn't naturally work this way, so it takes more effort to think this way), that I get very worn out and can't focus that creative energy on the things I want to accomplish outside of work (hobby-wise & entrepreneurial wise).

What it comes down to is, life is too short to be unsatisfied/unhappy and I think I need to find an alternative. Even if it means getting paid less. I'm still trying to figure out what to do.

[iluvzbeach]

Please prioritize your mental health. It is so very important. I’ve been where you are and I know it’s not a good spot to be in.

This internet stranger is cheering you on from the sidelines!

[Chris Pascale]

My recommendation is finding another job, and asking for a delayed start date.

Terrific advice. My wife is leaving her current position this Friday and will have a substantial gap before starting the next one - possibly 6 weeks. I've done the same in the past and it's always been beneficial. I'm currently applying for promotions, and when the next one comes in, I plan to take a month or more of paid leave before starting in the new position.

This is sounding better and better the more I think about it.
I want to bring something up.

Today I had a severe panic attack .......................

You must figure an exit.

My wife and I have had a few of them, and they've always been fine because we've always been thoughtful.

2008: I left the military knowing that for the next 6 months I'd make more between unemployment and the GI Bill. Then I found out that my VA Disability rating was 60%, so I was going to receive (at the time) another $1200 tax-free. My mortgage was $778.

2013: I was at an accounting firm, and it sucked major balls. So I told my boss I was leaving, and asked if he wanted 2-weeks-notice or 3-months-notice (through tax season). He asked me to stick around through tax season, and on April 30th, I handed in my keys and said goodbye. I spent my weekends working on a farm, and in August began another job.

2015: After emotionally leaving that next job, I was hired by a company 3000 miles away to do advertising copy writing. I also received the offer from Merriam Press for the book that became War Poems. I told my boss and he asked me to stay a couple months to tie some stuff up.


My wife's situations might be more akin to yours. In one case that I wrote about a couple years ago, she was at a small, prestigious government agency, and after her only pre-approved telework day that month was cancelled because they insisted she had to be in-person to sign her semi-annual review (where she was getting a bonus for high performance) she told them that the kind of disrespect that came with making her come in on her only telework day rather than do it the day before or after made her realize she had to leave. They said they'd never do it again, so she thought it over, but in the end, tendered her resignation. Not because of this one-time event, but because of the kinds of nonsense that goes on in a workplace that would pull that crap.

[life_travel]

@deek
How are you going in your search for other jobs and at your current job situation?

[UniqueNewYork]

Very very long time lurker here and first time poster (wow, nearly 10 years lurking i think, shame on me).

@deek I too am wondering how things are going. It’s too late in the evening right now for me to offer any coherent suggestions or real words of wisdom (good news is you’ve already received plenty of sage advice) but just felt compelled to say that pretty much everything you’ve posted resonates with me in some way (although I am terrible at fishing but hope to learn more someday!). My aim is to go back through this thread and post a concise response but I must admit that I’m a lazy internet contributor and I think too much without saying enough, just ask my SO : )

I’m about five few years ahead of you in age and recently became a father which I have found empowers me and in some instances triggers some kind of impulse for sharing/connection, hence this post. I am inspired by your thoughtfulness and willingness to share your story and hope that you check back in.

Also shoutout to @Malcat for sharing wisdom here and throughout the forum and just plain keeping it real. Truly helped me gain some perspective on burnout and work/life balance this past year after our son was born and things just didn’t feel right with my employment situation RE: covid and mental/physical health. The stories of others and associated responses really helped me make changes for the better. Hopefully I can contribute a little as well at some point.

[DoneFSO]

Your situation reminds me of that of my friend who loves fishing.  His joy and happiness is his little waterfront slice of heaven he bought a few years ago -- an unfinished property, upon which he built a solar-powered cabin, along with a dock for his boat, with his own hands.  He tells me that just arriving on the property after the workweek is freeing for him.  I am under the impression that these weekend fishing excursions are essentially what he really lives for, and without them, he would find work and life unbearable.  Of course he has thought of ways to turn his passion into income, but he is in “golden handcuffs.”  Like me, he is a federal employee.  His job is very stable, but it forces a deeply-introverted soul into constant interactions, office politics, and everything else he hates, and it forces a nature-lover into facing the horrendous commute into Washington, DC every day. 

The federal job is both his blessing and his curse, as it is for me.  He is a civil servant in a large office, so he doesn’t work in a pressure cooker environment of acute daily stress; rather, it’s a “death by a thousand cuts,” I think, due to the dichotomy between his values and the soulless building to which he has dutifully reported each weekday morning -- to see the same boss, in the same building, with the same colleagues -- for over ten years.  And he believes all of his bosses and colleagues are likely to stay put until they die at their desks.  I know he is not looking forward to 20 more years of this, but what else to do?  The house (close to DC) is expensive, the waterfront property is expensive, and his wife doesn’t earn much.  But each weekend, he packs his truck up with his gear and heads out to his property.  And for a little more than a day, he is free, on the shore, with his rod in hand and the wind in his hair… and not another annoying human soul in sight.

I have hobbies of my own, but I don’t have a passion like my friend has for fishing… that is so clearly the quintessential foil, in his mind's eye, to the world of work.  It has been quite a thing to witness, and so I know how powerful it is.  I hope all the fisherwomen and fishermen here are able to pursue their passion as regularly as possible.

[deek]

UPDATE:

I wanted to pop back in here and share some updates since October 2021. Thank you guys so much for the support and insight, by the way.

I continued to grind through my job until December hit, and I was about to hit my breaking point and quit without a backup plan.

I got an interview for a fully remote role in E-Commerce at the very beginning of December and scored a job offer! Just a couple days after accepting and putting in my two weeks, I contracted covid. This sidelined me for over a week (I was vax'd) so I continued to work from home during the last days of my old job when I felt good enough. I was still dealing with a cough that I developed post covid for another week or so. By the time I felt better, my job was done.

I left, took 17 days off in between gigs, and am so happy I did. My new role is so much better. Salary bumped 8%. My 401k kicked in immediately and I have more than a 6% match, and 15 paid days off. I know exactly what I need to do every day, and most days don't have to work even close to 8 hours. Things are much better than they were last October!

As far as outside of work goes:

• I have created my own content focused website and even made a little affiliate income already.
  
• Golf season is coming up so that's going to be my focus for awhile and I'll probably slow down on the website for a bit
  
• I have other ideas for hustles, such as building more websites in the future
  
• I've noticed my obsession with getting ahead financially is getting in the way of living in the moment and appreciating the things that matter, so I'm going to start working on being more mindful and hopefully setting goals for long term so that I don't stress about the future constantly

If you guys have any tips regarding that last point, please let me know!
Thanks so much.

[mathlete]

Great!!

[Dreamer40]

Such a great update! I love hearing good news.

Living happily in the moment can definitely be challenging at times. The thing that seems to have helped me lately in that area is making time for things that feel immersive and engaging. Especially working on my garden and cooking. Like I can walk around the yard for half an hour pruning things and get totally focused on figuring out what to do with each plant. I started cooking through a cookbook that has quite a few unfamiliar techniques so I have to really pay attention to what I’m doing. Like no audio books can be playing in the background. Both of these involve a lot of my senses and a kind of relaxed concentration. And both have rewarding results, like homegrown berries and a great dinner. There have been some hard things going on lately, but these two activities make me feel the most like myself and the calmest. Hopefully there is some activity out there that could do the same for you.

[HenryDavid]

Unpaid leave.
(My apologies if this has already been suggest, I haven’t reviewed every post.)

You can afford a few months off. If employer agrees, the job is still there when you return. Best low-risk head-clearing strategy ever.  In my personal experience.

[HenryDavid]

Oops! Really should have read to the end. Glad it worked out for the better.

On your question:
“I've noticed my obsession with getting ahead financially is getting in the way of living in the moment and appreciating the things that matter, so I'm going to start working on being more mindful and hopefully setting goals for long term so that I don't stress about the future constantly.”

What we did (years ago) was make a spreadsheet projecting three decades into the future (basically to the end of our expected lives) if we simply stayed on the path we’d set.
Very conservative assumptions. And it showed there was no need for concern.
Oh, and we ran the projections past a fee-only financial planner in case we’d missed something.
Nope. All good. It was reassuring to get it all out there in an objective form.
That was about 2014. And all the projections were TOO conservative, and all is well.
Enjoy life!