Author Topic: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.  (Read 18062 times)

babysnowbyrd

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Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« on: July 24, 2018, 10:43:13 PM »
I think my title is a bit misleading, so I hope I can adequately explain.

I think I'm a bit depressed right now which may be affecting my view of reality, but right now I rather FEEL like my perception is the the most honest I've been.

I feel incapable of getting a well-paying job. I have a degree but not in a specific money-making field. I've failed at starting a couple businesses. I'm out of ideas and even if I did have one, I'm too gun shy to spend much time/money on them atm as every time I've tried to "beat the system" and be my own boss or try an non-traditional route I've sunk myself deeper financially.

I've gone over and over the jobs MMM listed as being well-paid but it seems there's always rather large "catches" to the ones I could actually see myself doing. For example, one of the ones that appealed to me was Appraiser. I found out that due to the housing bubble bursting, changes in the industry have basically made apprentices not just worthless but a burden to current appraisers. It's very difficult to get someone to take you one to get the required number of hours. I gave up on the idea but later brought it up with an appraiser who came by when my last landlord sold the townhome I was living in. I thought maybe what I had learned might have been a bit over-the-top gloomy and maybe it wasn't so bad but the guy basically confirmed it. He made good money yes, but he started years ago. He told me his own brother had been asking questions about the job and he wouldn't even take on his brother as an apprentice. He works tons of hours (part of seemed like to keep current lifestyle up but still...). He seemed quite bitter about his current life/work. He also told me some of the reasons why he thinks appraisers are very close to becoming obsolete entirely.

I could give more examples but I realize they just sound like excuses and I can't say they aren't. I understand that I will probably need to spend some money on training to learn a new skill that could be more marketable but almost nothing seems like a real slam dunk. When I look into carpentry, welding, electrician etc, it seems to me that there are big claims made up front that they pay better than most office drone jobs but when I look further a lot of the starting salaries in my area seem pretty low. I also have family members in some of the labor fields and when I've asked about them they're always pretty sure I wouldn't be a good fit. I don't think they're just trying to be downers. I trust their opinion of my physical ability and their descriptions of the what the job is actually like.

I'm terrified of spending money on any additional learning because I already have student loans and like I said, everything else I've spent money on has been a waste. At this point I can't help but think the obvious common denominator among all the failures is myself. I understand that I'm depressed right now, but my reality is still the same even when I'm not feeling this way. When I'm NOT depressed, I have the hope that gets me to try different things that eventually sink me even further.

I haven't had a traditional job in a few years. I used to hold at least three jobs at a time averaging about 3-5 hours of sleep a night. I did that for almost three straight years after I got my degree. I got burnt out and disillusioned. They were all pretty low paying but at one point I was really close to paying off all my consumer debts except for the student loans. That's when I quit my "main" job (full time) to try to go into business for myself. It was a catastrophic failure and almost two years later I've undone all the progress I made and am in even worse debt than before. I have even less flexibility to try new business ideas or pay for any additional training. I feel like such an idiot.

I have two flexible part time jobs that don't pay much and I've started caretaking for a disabled family member (child) during the day for almost nothing. I'm barely able to pay my bills and am behind on some. I feel like I should just do what was working for me before but the thought of working as much as I did before and not helping my family is even more depressing and demoralizing for me. I mean, I'm financially stressed out, sure but the caretaking gives me at least some modicum of feeling that I'm doing something worthwhile. But it's not something I would want a job in really because doing to same for other people doesn't appeal to me. I'm willing to work with this child because she's MY relative and I love her.

I still go online and look for jobs in my area pretty regularly but I get more depressed every time I do. The jobs I can qualify for pay very low ($10-$14 usually) which to me just seems to add insult to injury. It doesn't seem like a good trade to give up my flexibility, autonomy, and helping my family for a soul-sucking job that would make me just a BIT more than I do now to cover a few more bills. And that if I'm a good worker drone and stick with the job I can become a low-paid middle manager of some sort and even with frugal living take 20 years to get to FIRE.

I fell that if I was more clever I could find a way like some people have to make more money doing less work, like selling a simple product on Amazon or something. Since I haven't been able to figure something like that out, my only other option seems to be going back to being an all-work, no-play drone again and I just can't.

I understand that my current depression is limiting me but I think it's correlated to my situation and not the cause of it, so even if I were to get help or medication, the main details of my life will be the same except I might hate some new drone-jobs a little less than I hate them now.

I just don't really have much hope anymore. I keep thinking that maybe my problem has been that I've tried to do most things myself? I've had coaches before or tried getting help like through the local small business help center and even some professional coaching but nothing much came of it. I wonder if maybe I need a bit more hand holding to really get somewhere before I can truly succeed on my own? I don't want to (and can't afford) to pay any more "coaches" and it seems that anyone who says they can help me make money comes at quite the cost and seems scammy, like most real estate stuff.

I don't know what to do anymore.

gerardc

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2018, 11:20:01 PM »
If you're depressed you should start by fixing your life. Cut the crap, cut all your addictions/vices, only keep what's absolutely positive and "boosts" you up. Eat healthy, exercise, take long walks, be frugal, be patient, and give yourself time to think, relax and sleep well. Then you'll see more clearly and you'll maybe figure out a way to work towards some opportunities. Start slow, don't burn yourself out and don't give up.

Zikoris

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2018, 12:39:35 AM »
Just throwing this out there, but having a well-paying job is not a necessity for FIRE. You can totally have a normal job and focus your efforts on being a frugal ninja instead. Maybe shoot to just find a normal full time job, doing whatever you're able to do now without training/education, and go from there?

Personally, I make under 40K as a receptionist, and am on track to retire before 35. My partner worked as an admin assistant for a few years with salaries ranging from 36K to 44K, and he just semi-retired a few weeks ago at age 29 to solely do his fun side gig (editing novels from home). Our expenses are really low, so everything works out.

marty998

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2018, 03:07:30 AM »
Just throwing this out there, but having a well-paying job is not a necessity for FIRE. You can totally have a normal job and focus your efforts on being a frugal ninja instead. Maybe shoot to just find a normal full time job, doing whatever you're able to do now without training/education, and go from there?

Personally, I make under 40K as a receptionist, and am on track to retire before 35. My partner worked as an admin assistant for a few years with salaries ranging from 36K to 44K, and he just semi-retired a few weeks ago at age 29 to solely do his fun side gig (editing novels from home). Our expenses are really low, so everything works out.

This is along the lines of what I want to say.

The pay might be low on the first one you take, but it will definitely open up more opportunities. If you are driven enough there's no way you'd be held back earning $10 an hour for 20 years. You'll quickly make the step jumps necessary to bigger and better jobs.

Short term pain for longer term gain.

Bucksandreds

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2018, 05:33:01 AM »
First thing that I would do is talk to someone about my mental health. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder so I can relate to feelings of helplessness. The next thing I would do is get off of a forum that has loads of people bragging about how close they are to retiring. You’re at the start of the journey and understand frugality, already. Can’t help you with job ideas as I am a dentist and literally have no clue about the job prospects of non dental related fields. I do wish you the best of luck.

Hargrove

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2018, 06:43:04 AM »
If you are depressed or have anxiety or self-esteem issues (or all of the above), I like to describe solving problems in a state of constant panic as having a car that is temporarily out of gas.

The tank is empty. Pressing the gas pedal slowly, quickly, gently, or furiously is irrelevant until there is gas in the tank. Beating yourself up about whether you're adequately pressing the gas pedal before putting in some gas is silly - you need some gas in the tank! The value of the analogy is that it may help unhook you from the cycle of focusing on how you're pressing the pedal and move you towards what has to be addressed first. Getting help, like most good goals, is achievable!

With a mental health issue, unfortunately, it's not always easy to see a counselor on a low budget. The two things you can do are check out low-income services in your area, and just get one full-time job to get your head on straight and get some breathing room. Some people can lower their stress threshold a little bit and it can help clear their heads.

What you're writing sounds like one or more deeper issues. You're not in problem-solving mode, and you may find getting there very difficult right now because of your stress. Everything you listed is a very vague and general problem, if you really think about it - the time horizons you list are "never" and "every" and the opportunities "none," and even if you know that to be false intellectually, that may not make the feeling better if you need therapy. It's problematic that your family/friends said you wouldn't be good at a thing and you immediately took it off the table.

As far as goal-setting, make your goals CLOSER TO NOW and ACHIEVABLE. Nowhere here did you list what you learned, how you grew from these failures, and that's helping prevent you from forgiving yourself and moving on. You're treating money like a score that reflects your value as a person. It doesn't. What did you learn from your businesses? You can't take control of your life if you don't own what you're doing, including the mistakes, and forgive yourself for the failures so you can improve and move on.

As for goal-setting...

Find a job - an achievable goal. You're not getting a job today because that's your career to FIRE from in 20 years - you're getting a job today to eat tomorrow, and to look for a place to move where there are more opportunities if there really are none where you are. Reframe your goals and start counting a success as a success.

Establish a budget - once you have a job, a budget won't pay down debt easily on a low income, but that's NOT your goal... yet! A budget will help get you into a mindset where you know that everything is ok financially while you focus all your free time and thoughts before bed and monologues in the shower brainstorming your next step. Better your skillset, apply for more lucrative jobs, or find a location from which to do more of the same and save up to move there. You free yourself of the burden of "ever paying off this debt" (vague thinking on an unconstructive time horizon - this leads people to look at lottery tickets and magic beans). Ask yourself what you can do TODAY. Respect the job for what it is - a tool to get your head cleared, to buy food tomorrow, and to build a springboard for bigger and better things.

Few get rich at a Starbucks, but it pays well for what it is, has very good benefits and online tuition assistance, and it's completely transferable when it's time to move locations. That's just one example.

I got out of college in the recession and it seemed my only break was starting part time at a retail store. I was the store manager in 4 years. It wasn't pleasant at first by any stretch, but finances aren't the thing I worry about anymore, and I had no way to forecast that when I was working 32 hours a week for $10 an hour. I eventually leveraged myself into another careeer from it, and I still don't know what all I'll do "until FIRE." But once, I was just a cashier who got the boss to comment "we underutilize this guy" enough that he started promoting me. Never thought I wanted to run the store, and when I got there, I was surprized to find it very satisfying. We're not in control of "20 years from now," we're in control of a long series of "What can I do today?"
« Last Edit: July 25, 2018, 07:25:48 AM by Hargrove »

enFuego

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2018, 07:24:26 AM »
You've received some really good advice so far that will help you get going where you want to go. Changes that will help you include: full-time employment, health benefits, a better schedule, and the opportunity to work hard and earn new responsibilities and promotions over time. Whether it be Starbucks', a local small company, a trade, or a MegaCorp, it really doesn't matter. Apply for anything that interests you and that gives you a chance to pull yourself up.

If I were a hiring manager and I interviewed you here is why I would hire you on the spot:
1. You have a college degree so you've proven that you're smart and can learn.
2. You started a business on your own and stuck with it for two years. It doesn't matter whether it succeeded, you have courage, commitment, and are willing to take calculatedly risks.
3. You are extremely hard working, holding several jobs at once and only getting a few hours sleep a night.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the path you've traveled so far! It's an interesting story to tell an interviewer. And it gives you a chance to weave in your strengths and experiences along the way: the times you worked really really hard, why you started a business, how you stayed committed in the face of struggles, what you learned about yourself and your business ideas along they way, etc.

My suggestion is to hit pause on thinking about fire for the short-term; it's clouding your thought process. First things first.... Focus on the short-term right now. Go sell yourself. Get that entry level job. Get health benefits that cover some therapy to talk through the things that are depressing you. Spend time outside walking and getting fresh air to clear your head. And apply your work ethic and smarts to that job so they either have to promote you or you become ready to jump to the next step.

One last thing, if you really think you want to be in a trade then don't assume the people you've asked really know whether you'd be good at it or enjoy it. See for yourself. Go apply to be an apprentice or apply to every tradesman you can find to be a helper to see for yourself.  Just because you don't fit a stereotype of the people they work with every day doesn't mean it's not for you. I have a relative who is extremely intelligent and was in engineering school for two years and hated it. So he quit and went to HVAC school. The instructor would ask him if he had the math right when explaining something in class. Now he's graduated and loves working with his hands! He's great at his job because he's not the stereotype, not in spite of it.


andy85

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2018, 07:24:52 AM »
Just throwing this out there, but having a well-paying job is not a necessity for FIRE. You can totally have a normal job and focus your efforts on being a frugal ninja instead. Maybe shoot to just find a normal full time job, doing whatever you're able to do now without training/education, and go from there?

Personally, I make under 40K as a receptionist, and am on track to retire before 35. My partner worked as an admin assistant for a few years with salaries ranging from 36K to 44K, and he just semi-retired a few weeks ago at age 29 to solely do his fun side gig (editing novels from home). Our expenses are really low, so everything works out.

I was going to say this too.

This is along the lines of what I want to say.

The pay might be low on the first one you take, but it will definitely open up more opportunities. If you are driven enough there's no way you'd be held back earning $10 an hour for 20 years. You'll quickly make the step jumps necessary to bigger and better jobs.

Short term pain for longer term gain.

I was going to say this as well. There is nothing wrong with a traditional 40 hour/week office job. I started out as a customer service rep about 7.5 years ago making like $12.50/hour (the bottom rung in the company). I have moved positions a couple of times since then and my next move in this company could get me an $80k salary. Sometimes it pays to get your foot in the door with a relatively large company with a wide variety of departments and room for growth. They also paid for my MBA in full...i went to night classes for 2.5 years while working here full time.

mathlete

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2018, 08:14:53 AM »
babysnowbyrd, I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. If you are depressed, I strongly suggest talking to someone (therapy, as others have mentioned). I think this is a good idea regardless of whether you think your situation causes your depression, or the other way around. No matter what the cause is, it's important to have someone to talk to about it.

Beyond that, it may not be helpful right now to read these blogs about self-professed normal people who have bootstrapped their way into millions by 30 and you can too!! The PF community obviously offers a lot of great advice, but they're also salespeople trying to sell you something.

Your situation, your wage, your job, your assets, your number of years to financial independence - none of these things are an indictment on your worth as a person. I think it's fantastic that you've been so generous with your time and effort to help care for your disabled relative. If you need to reclaim that time and energy to work on yourself though, I hope you consider it. You can only take care of others for so long while neglecting yourself.

I wish I could offer something more than "get in therapy", or general well-wishes. Really pulling for you here!

babysnowbyrd

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2018, 08:25:47 AM »
Wow,

Thanks guys for the suggestions. I initially thought posting this would be a bad idea and I would get lots of facepunches and suggestions to "quit whining" or "get over it and just get a job."

I'm going to try to take these suggestions to heart. I've already started reaching out to friends and acquaintances about jobs they have that I can try and I've been seriously looking into some nearby. I can't start anything until school starts for the kiddo but I'm feeling a lot better this morning.

wageslave23

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2018, 08:43:20 AM »
I would also add that when you do get an entry level job give it some time before you decide that you don't like it.  Most people don't like entry level jobs but as you gain competence and responsibility within that field you will start enjoying it more. 

babysnowbyrd

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2018, 08:44:17 AM »
I'm not sure I'm finding the low income thread? I've found a few but not many posts on them.

andy85

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WhiteTrashCash

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2018, 09:11:29 AM »
I was in a similar situation to yours and I fixed it by doing a few things:

1. Relocate to an area with plentiful jobs. I don't know if that's possible for you, but it would solve a lot of difficulties for you.

2. Get certified in a field that requires it. I did have to pay for the training, but it was worth it. Some computer certifications are available for free online and can turn into good-paying jobs. It takes an investment of time to earn them, but I have a friend who basically turned that into a six figure job. Yes, it's actually possible to Google your way into a career.

3. Cut everything unnecessary. No more eating out, expensive subscriptions, paid entertainment, etc.

4. Remove as much advertising as possible from your life. Not only will it reduce your consumption (and thus reduce your spending), it will also positively impact your mood, because you will no longer feel negative pressure on your self-esteem.

Hope that helps!

Unique User

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2018, 09:38:21 AM »
Agree with the others on just find a normal job and work hard at it.  My spouse and I were in a similar situation in 2009, a lovely time to find ourselves needing to get jobs.  We had spent the previous 10 years working for ourselves, I have a BA and he does not have a degree.  We each took a crap job, his was manual labor for a mega-corp, mine was commission only recruiting.  But, we each made $40k our first 12 months which I consider to be pretty darn good.  Promotions, raises, switching jobs and we've each more than doubled our first year.  Good luck to you and i get the hopeless part, my inner bag lady comes out every so often.  I do think there are plenty of jobs with good money out there, they may not just be your first one.   

J Boogie

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2018, 11:11:53 AM »
I understand that I will probably need to spend some money on training to learn a new skill that could be more marketable but almost nothing seems like a real slam dunk. When I look into carpentry, welding, electrician etc, it seems to me that there are big claims made up front that they pay better than most office drone jobs but when I look further a lot of the starting salaries in my area seem pretty low. I also have family members in some of the labor fields and when I've asked about them they're always pretty sure I wouldn't be a good fit. I don't think they're just trying to be downers. I trust their opinion of my physical ability and their descriptions of the what the job is actually like.

Well, there aren't really any "slam dunk" career paths as far as I know. The lucrative fields do often require degrees or demonstrated abilities.

And starting salaries aren't really what matter.

Why do they think you wouldn't be a good fit? Do you have a disability?

If you have an interest in a trade, pursue it. If not, don't pursue it. I would build on an existing interest you might have that can help you develop skills and experience you might be able to use later on if you want to start your own business.

Speaking of starting your own business, no one has started a great business because they wanted to be their own boss. If you are passionate about the good/service you want to provide for people, you have a decent shot at success. If not, forget about it.

I understand it's tough to have a moment to think about what your interests truly are at this point in your life. Good luck!




letired

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #16 on: July 25, 2018, 11:35:47 AM »
I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Depression is the worst.

I'm going to recommend a few books that have really helped me (and still help me) when I'm having a hard time. My hope is that these help get you un-stuck enough to get the help you need, whether that is a sliding-scale therapist, an appointment to get antidepressants, or get those job applications out.

First, dealing with depression and feelings-> Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. To be entirely honest, I've had this book for over a year and haven't finished all of it. But even getting through the first chapter or so can be a huge help. It goes over the distortions in reality that depression causes and teaches you to recognize those distortions and re-frame them in a way that is more accurate and true to life. For instance, your initial post was full of black-or-white/all-or-nothing thinking, which is rarely if ever actually true. There are many other good books on cognitive behavioral therapy, but this is the one I see recommended the most.

Second, dealing with jobs and careers-> So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport. I was taught from the 'follow your passion' school of how to have a career, which didn't particularly work out for me. This lays out an alternative way of developing a career that you love, through the progressive building of skill and expertise. I'm not doing it justice, but it really helped me let go of what wasn't working with my job/career.

Both of these books should be available through your library, or PM me! 

Slee_stack

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #17 on: July 25, 2018, 12:47:10 PM »
I'll add a suggestion to not get discouraged about not having found a great job / business.

Don't get fooled into thinking that everyone on this forum has an amazing job they love.  They don't.

The vast majority of worker bees out there love ASPECTS about their job...not the whole thing.

Even the ones that claim they wouldn't do anything else usually give-in and admit that they don't like doing the work to someone else's schedule (boss or customer).

Its easy to fall into the trap of seeing 'success stories' and thinking why-oh-why can't I have the same.

You might only have low paying options available right now.  OK.  Might one of those low paying options also offer some type of INTERESTING thing along with it?  Maybe its a technical aspect, a social one, an opportunity to be exposed to something new/different?

Sure the hours may be long and/or the pay low...but what other intangibles might bring you satisfaction?

Try some of these jobs, keep an open mind, and try to discover the bits of silver lining that are all around!  Enjoy and build your job/career to maximize those bits...


inline five

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2018, 12:57:29 PM »
You can spray concrete and make $70k a year. Just s HS diploma and clean record required.

FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

MOD EDIT: How is that helpful? Please don't be rude.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2018, 11:51:50 AM by arebelspy »

Hargrove

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2018, 02:57:47 PM »
FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Literally everyone in this thread - except you - had time for it.

whitewaterchica

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2018, 03:05:34 PM »
FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Literally everyone in this thread - except you - had time for it.

Yep. I guess ***inline five*** just felt like pouring on. Not nice and not necessary. OP, we've read your post and I love the previous gas tank analogy. As someone who has fought with depression for years, self care is critical to your entire journey- walks/hikes/run, good sleep, knitting, reading, swimming, whatever makes YOU feel uplifted. Sending encouragement from the garden state!
« Last Edit: July 26, 2018, 01:54:51 PM by whitewaterchica »

Hargrove

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2018, 03:35:20 PM »
Yep. I guess Hargrove just felt like pouring on. Not nice and not necessary.

Hargrove has to be stopped.

COEE

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2018, 04:38:34 PM »
We're not in control of "20 years from now," we're in control of a long series of "What can I do today?"

Wow.  I'm not the op but I needed this today.  Thanks.

Apple_Tango

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2018, 05:24:51 PM »
Have you ever thought of attending networking/hiring events for some companies or industries in your area? Networking is pretty much the main way people get jobs these days.

Also I would say that I was making 100k in my previous job and was MISERABLE. Now I make less than $50k and am much happier :) still getting close 50% savings rate, still planning to FIRE. I had to completely switch industries to improve my happiness, and I focused on companies that have a focus on internal development and training, and the ability to grow within the company. So I started at $18/hr, but I project that I’ll be back up to about $45/hr in the next 5 years. I wouldn’t be afraid to take the $14/hr jobs as long as the company is good, and they can show you a path to promotion as your skills increase and it’s in an area of interest to you.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2018, 05:59:12 PM by Apple_Tango »

AccidentalMiser

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2018, 05:41:07 PM »
Someone asked where you are.  That's important.  Are you single or married (or with someone)?  Children?

It takes some time to get going with things.  Call the local union halls and ask them how to get started in the trades you're interested.  Enroll in community college and get started on a skill.  You won't get rich doing trade jobs to begin with but it you have some business experience so you can be an independent contractor if you get in the right trade.  If you're an electrician or a plumber or HVAC tech, you can start your own biz once you have your license and the sky's the limit.

My local community college has a line worker program (formerly known as linemen).  It's seven weeks long and linemen make about 60K to start, more in some areas.

If that's not your gig, you could be a dental hygienist.  Excellent pay and a relatively short program.  Or a diesel mechanic.  Or join the military (which is what I did).  They pay you and train you and give you real-world experience all at the same time.  I can directly trace my career to my decision to join the Navy at 19.

Anyway, keep your chin up and go get some applicable training from tech school or community college.  Move where the jobs are.  You'll get there, we're all rooting for you!!

pecunia

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2018, 06:06:20 PM »
Long walks through nature helps the mood.  If you can jog, the endorphins will help fight the depression.  Sunny days are best for the depression, but gentle rain can be surprisingly good too.

Work at clearing the mind.  Too many thoughts can cause a jam.  Lay in a comfortable quiet place, put some headphones on and find some anti-depressent hypnosis on You Tube.  This may be accompanied by soft music, the sound of waves, rain or some other pink noise.  You are stressed so may fall asleep and that's OK. 

DreamFIRE

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2018, 07:49:50 PM »
You can spray concrete and make $70k a year. Just s HS diploma and clean record required.

FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Ha.  That's what I thought when I saw the OP.  But I went ahead and read some of the reasonably short responses.

inline five

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2018, 08:25:02 PM »
You can spray concrete and make $70k a year. Just s HS diploma and clean record required.

FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Ha.  That's what I thought when I saw the OP.  But I went ahead and read some of the reasonably short responses.

I'm just sayin' what others are thinkin'

JanetJackson

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #28 on: July 26, 2018, 06:26:30 AM »
I'd echo what most folks are saying here (except that one negative-Nancy-who-shall-not-be-named) about the career path advice, but I don't think my specialty is in career paths- I've jumped all over the place, hate the 9-5 but have done it, and have lived in a radius around the poverty line (sometimes above, sometimes below) for my entire life.
That being said, I've never been able to afford therapy (at least not if I want to pursue any of my other life goals that involve money), so here are some cheaper/sometimes free ways to get help for depression and anxiety:

A workbook called 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7-Weeks".  Yes the title sounds horrifying, and it's a lifetime practice, not a "fix things in a few weeks" type of thing, but this book has really helped me with very actionable work to do to improve my mindset, focus, and goal setting.  Some chapters are more relevant to an individual than others.  I've gone through the book two or three times and there's one chapter I always skip because it doesn't apply to me.  Make it your own.
$12

AA or recovery style meetings.  I have not done this myself, but I have had SEVERAL (like at least 7) friends who used these programs in leu of therapy when they could not afford to have regular talk therapy. 
These meeting always welcome people, regardless of whether you have an addiction, or just need 'recover' from something in your life like depression.  I have called the ones in my town to confirm that I would be welcome without an "A" (addiction) and they were SO NICE.
My town even has a YS12SR program that is donation based.  It's a 12-step recovery program that meets once a week and does 45 minutes of yoga and then has a 45 minute meeting.  www.Y12SR.com has more info- maybe there's a class near you? 
$FREE

Crisis Hotlines:
1-800-273-TALK
1-800-233-HELP
TEXT: Text HOME to 741741
Massive helpline list (there's one listed here for caregivers, which you mention that you are): www.PleaseLive.Org
People often believe these hotlines are ONLY for you in a moment of suicidal or self-harm crisis, but that is not true.  Over the years I have called and even used the text line and they have been very helpful.  They have also let me know that it is acceptable to use them when you don't have access to therapeutic services and that they are NOT just suicide hotlines.  They have always helped me and will also email you a HUGE list of resources in your area if you ask.  They can also create an anonymous link you can go to rather than have them email you if you want to remain fully anonymous.  They're great.
$FREE

Apps: I use Pacifica which is $52/Year but also has a free version.  I use the HECK out of the app and check in with it in some way every single day.  It's been a really great resource for me for everything from health tracking (surprise, I feel WAY better when I drink enough water) to guided meditation and Thought Reframing tasks and stuff that they have built in to the App.  I like Pacifica, but there are lots of other options in terms of mental health apps.
$VARIES



It does get better.  And then a little worse sometimes, but MOSTLY better.  It's an upward trend.
 
I second that you should join the Low Income Group Journal on here... as the rest of the forum can be a bit hard for lower income folks (at least for me) to feel welcome in.
Good luck.
It gets better, it really does.

goalphish2002

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #29 on: July 26, 2018, 09:23:47 AM »
I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Depression is the worst.

I'm going to recommend a few books that have really helped me (and still help me) when I'm having a hard time. My hope is that these help get you un-stuck enough to get the help you need, whether that is a sliding-scale therapist, an appointment to get antidepressants, or get those job applications out.

First, dealing with depression and feelings-> Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. To be entirely honest, I've had this book for over a year and haven't finished all of it. But even getting through the first chapter or so can be a huge help. It goes over the distortions in reality that depression causes and teaches you to recognize those distortions and re-frame them in a way that is more accurate and true to life. For instance, your initial post was full of black-or-white/all-or-nothing thinking, which is rarely if ever actually true. There are many other good books on cognitive behavioral therapy, but this is the one I see recommended the most.

Second, dealing with jobs and careers-> So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport. I was taught from the 'follow your passion' school of how to have a career, which didn't particularly work out for me. This lays out an alternative way of developing a career that you love, through the progressive building of skill and expertise. I'm not doing it justice, but it really helped me let go of what wasn't working with my job/career.

Both of these books should be available through your library, or PM me!

Fantastic book that I often recommend.  His other book, Deep Work, is also really good.

mathlete

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2018, 09:39:10 AM »
Incredible list of resources from Janet! I may just borrow a few of these...

goalphish2002

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2018, 09:47:56 AM »
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/podcast-425-action-over-feelings/

I listened to this podcast this morning on the way to work.  I feel like OP and others could really benefit from it. 

From the website:

While we often associate Eastern spiritual and philosophical traditions with meditation and contemplation, there’s another side to this wisdom that centers on action and can help us move through depression, anxiety, fear, and just general malaise.

My guest today is the author of a book about this action-oriented philosophy. His name is Gregg Krech, he’s the co-founder of the ToDo Institute, and his book is The Art of Taking Action: Lessons from Japanese Psychology.

Today on the show, Gregg and I discuss a Japanese psychological technique called Morita therapy, which concentrates on accepting instead of fixing one’s thoughts and feelings, and acting in spite of them. We discuss how action can be a powerful antidote to depression, anxiety, and interpersonal conflicts, how to act when you don’t feel like it, how to stay motivated when the initial rush of a new project or relationship has worn off, and why it’s better to have a purpose-driven rather than a feelings-driven life. We end our conversation unpacking the idea that busyness is not the same thing as purposeful action, and why we need self-reflection to tell the difference between the two.

Show Highlights

What is Morita therapy? How does it compare to Western psychology?
The action-oriented nature of Eastern philosophy
Gandhi, man of action
How does Morita define action? What does taking action really mean?
The skill of using your attention effectively
What playing some blues at a nightclub taught Gregg about anxiety
How do you take action when you can’t get yourself to do anything?
Why you’re only depressed when you notice you’re depressed
Why do we put off taking action?
How we tend to let feelings determine our actions
Moving from feeling-oriented to purpose-oriented
The role of kaizen in Morita therapy
How Morita can help people who may be good at starting things, but can’t finish them
Is there such a thing as too much action?

DaMa

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2018, 10:18:39 AM »
One tip -- consider a job at a company with tuition reimbursement.  Then if you decide to pursue more learning, it will be paid for.

A friend of mine started at a big insurance company in a clerical office job barely over minimum wage.  She went to night school and worked on her bachelor's slowly.  Every few years she'd get a new position with higher pay.  (Lots of job opportunities at the big company for a person with a good reputation.)  She finished the degree in 10 years and then got more promotions.  She's now approaching a 6 figure salary after just 16 years.  Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.

pecunia

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2018, 10:42:24 AM »
Quote
Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.

A lot of companies will only hire folks for 20 to 30 hours a week.  I wonder how many will offer these types of programs to part time employees.  In addition, you are juggling multiple jobs.  Just the same, I admire anyone who does that. 

PoutineLover

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2018, 11:11:06 AM »
Quote
Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.

A lot of companies will only hire folks for 20 to 30 hours a week.  I wonder how many will offer these types of programs to part time employees.  In addition, you are juggling multiple jobs.  Just the same, I admire anyone who does that. 
I'm working 27 hours a week at a university and the tuition is covered but I have to pay any associated fees for classes I want to take. It's a pretty good deal for me, the pay is decent and my expenses are low so part time is fine for now. Also good benefits and pension plan. I've already completed a diploma in the evenings and I'm considering doing another program.  This could be a good option to consider for the Op.

whitewaterchica

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2018, 11:39:24 AM »
You can spray concrete and make $70k a year. Just s HS diploma and clean record required.

FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Ha.  That's what I thought when I saw the OP.  But I went ahead and read some of the reasonably short responses.

I'm just sayin' what others are thinkin'

It's fascinating, somehow a few of you found time to comment on the length of the original post and even post "humorous" follow up comments related to said length but apparently no time to read the actual post.

OP,

Motivation can be a real challenge- meetups and other groups can be really helpful in giving an extra push for whatever personal or professional activity you might be considering. There are also several free apps for things like meditation that are really wonderful (I used insight timer for quite a while and loved it).






Padonak

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2018, 11:53:40 AM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

goalphish2002

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #37 on: July 26, 2018, 12:02:28 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.

goalphish2002

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2018, 12:08:43 PM »
OP- Do you use LinkedIn? 

Padonak

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2018, 12:12:08 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.
No really, why isn't it an option? Or another job that involves literally getting your hands  dirty but pays well?

goalphish2002

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2018, 12:29:30 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.
No really, why isn't it an option? Or another job that involves literally getting your hands  dirty but pays well?

OP hasn't responded as to why, but OP's family has told them they are not suited for trades.  I would argue that many family members are not capable of giving good advice.  I was told by many in my family that I wasn't cut out for trades.  Why?  Because I made good grades in school and didn't show any inclination as a child to work on things.  Long story short, I went to college, have a white-collar job, and now work with my hands as a hobby.  People are often wrong about these things.

Now, you and I both know you can't just walk into 70K spraying concrete.  I'm sure some people make a lot doing so, but you don't start out making 70K.  My entire family is comprised of blue collar/tradesmen.  As OP stated, you start out at the bottom of a trade like any other profession.  Is there anything wrong with that?  No.  But, I wanted to state it is a fallacy that you walk into trades knowing very little and make a lot.  Most require a lot of experience and many are requiring education/certifications/licenses now to do really well.

Padonak

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #41 on: July 26, 2018, 12:32:49 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.
No really, why isn't it an option? Or another job that involves literally getting your hands  dirty but pays well?

OP hasn't responded as to why, but OP's family has told them they are not suited for trades.  I would argue that many family members are not capable of giving good advice.  I was told by many in my family that I wasn't cut out for trades.  Why?  Because I made good grades in school and didn't show any inclination as a child to work on things.  Long story short, I went to college, have a white-collar job, and now work with my hands as a hobby.  People are often wrong about these things.

Now, you and I both know you can't just walk into 70K spraying concrete.  I'm sure some people make a lot doing so, but you don't start out making 70K.  My entire family is comprised of blue collar/tradesmen.  As OP stated, you start out at the bottom of a trade like any other profession.  Is there anything wrong with that?  No.  But, I wanted to state it is a fallacy that you walk into trades knowing very little and make a lot.  Most require a lot of experience and many are requiring education/certifications/licenses now to do really well.
Thank you. Good and detailed answer.

inline five

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #42 on: July 26, 2018, 12:37:20 PM »
You can spray concrete and make $70k a year. Just s HS diploma and clean record required.

FYI I didn't read past the title because your post was insanely long. Nobody has time for that.

Ha.  That's what I thought when I saw the OP.  But I went ahead and read some of the reasonably short responses.

I'm just sayin' what others are thinkin'

It's fascinating, somehow a few of you found time to comment on the length of the original post and even post "humorous" follow up comments related to said length but apparently no time to read the actual post.

OP,

Motivation can be a real challenge- meetups and other groups can be really helpful in giving an extra push for whatever personal or professional activity you might be considering. There are also several free apps for things like meditation that are really wonderful (I used insight timer for quite a while and loved it).

Well I read the title, the first three small paragraphs and the first two or three sentences of the next. I was on my phone commuting home in the back of an airplane using Tmobile's free hour of gogo wifi. I then scrolled to see how long the post actually was skimming as I went. And it kept going, and going, and going...

There was a much better way for the OP to do this. Maybe some bullet points. He/she has a woe is me story. Is he serious about improving his life or just looking for social acceptance and a virtual pat on the back?

There are many jobs out there that pay well that yeah, he might actually have to work for a living at first. I didn't magically walk into my $200k job. It took years (decades) of career training, planning, and work to get to that point as I'm guessing most would say the same.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2018, 12:48:09 PM by inline five »

inline five

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #43 on: July 26, 2018, 12:45:54 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.
No really, why isn't it an option? Or another job that involves literally getting your hands  dirty but pays well?

OP hasn't responded as to why, but OP's family has told them they are not suited for trades.  I would argue that many family members are not capable of giving good advice.  I was told by many in my family that I wasn't cut out for trades.  Why?  Because I made good grades in school and didn't show any inclination as a child to work on things.  Long story short, I went to college, have a white-collar job, and now work with my hands as a hobby.  People are often wrong about these things.

Now, you and I both know you can't just walk into 70K spraying concrete.  I'm sure some people make a lot doing so, but you don't start out making 70K.  My entire family is comprised of blue collar/tradesmen.  As OP stated, you start out at the bottom of a trade like any other profession.  Is there anything wrong with that?  No.  But, I wanted to state it is a fallacy that you walk into trades knowing very little and make a lot.  Most require a lot of experience and many are requiring education/certifications/licenses now to do really well.

You're absolutely right starting pay is not $70k but I never said that. Staring is in the $15-$20/hr range depending on location. With under a year and a desire to learn with a clean driving record (that is critical) you would be able to command $35/hr. The jobs are all over Indeed.com which is where the owner of the company I talked to advertised. And they can't even get entry level people. Salaries have risen 50% in the past year at his company.

Even a CDL driver, a couple years ago they'd post on CL and within a month have 30 resumes. Now they get about three.

This guy started out after college working with concrete because it paid more than using his degree. Fast forward and now he owns multiple companies, a high end pool company and the gunnite company as well.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2018, 12:49:18 PM by inline five »

PoutineLover

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #44 on: July 26, 2018, 12:54:38 PM »
Everybody conveniently ignored the comment about spraying concrete and making $70k. Why is this not an option?

Heh.  You serious?  Come on, breh.
No really, why isn't it an option? Or another job that involves literally getting your hands  dirty but pays well?

OP hasn't responded as to why, but OP's family has told them they are not suited for trades.  I would argue that many family members are not capable of giving good advice.  I was told by many in my family that I wasn't cut out for trades.  Why?  Because I made good grades in school and didn't show any inclination as a child to work on things.  Long story short, I went to college, have a white-collar job, and now work with my hands as a hobby.  People are often wrong about these things.

Now, you and I both know you can't just walk into 70K spraying concrete.  I'm sure some people make a lot doing so, but you don't start out making 70K.  My entire family is comprised of blue collar/tradesmen.  As OP stated, you start out at the bottom of a trade like any other profession.  Is there anything wrong with that?  No.  But, I wanted to state it is a fallacy that you walk into trades knowing very little and make a lot.  Most require a lot of experience and many are requiring education/certifications/licenses now to do really well.

You're absolutely right starting pay is not $70k but I never said that. Staring is in the $15-$20/hr range depending on location. With under a year and a desire to learn with a clean driving record (that is critical) you would be able to command $35/hr. The jobs are all over Indeed.com which is where the owner of th company I talked to advertised. And they can't even get entry level people. Salaries have risen 50% in the past year at his company.

Even a CDL driver, a couple years ago they'd post on CL and within a month have 30 resumes. Now thy get about three.

This guy started out after college working with concrete because it paid more than using his degree. Fast forward and now he owns multiple companies, a high end pool company and the gunnite company as well.
My dad is a truck driver, and I'm not surprised at all that not many people apply for those jobs. Long hours, unpaid time sitting in traffic, the necessity to work odd hours that change every day.. It's not an easy job, the pay isn't that good considering the schedule, and the meeting the demands of the job is not possible for many people. I don't know the specific challenges for concrete sprayers, but I'm sure they exist. It's something to look into, but not necessarily the first go-to, especially considering everything else mentioned originally.
I don't know much about the OP and their skills, but if I made a post here stating that I was depressed and hopeless, I would hope to find support, and not dismissal. In fact, I did post a few months ago about feeling down about stuff and I got nothing but supportive and helpful responses, which did help me find some useful resources and turn things around for myself. "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" seems to apply here. We are all free to scroll past posts that don't interest us or don't apply to us.

inline five

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #45 on: July 26, 2018, 01:00:43 PM »
There are OTR truckers and those who work locally. The OTR are normally owner-operator with the long hours of sitting. If you work for a company you are paid hourly.

He has a degree but dead end jobs. I posted a suggestion for a career path that will get him making decent money within a short time. He's also free to ignore my post(s) as well.

whitewaterchica

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #46 on: July 26, 2018, 01:55:52 PM »
Yep. I guess Hargrove just felt like pouring on. Not nice and not necessary.

Hargrove has to be stopped.

Hargrove, I'm sorry, I meant to write inline five and had quoted you because I was in agreement with you. Apologies.

galliver

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #47 on: July 26, 2018, 02:09:01 PM »
A lot of people seem to be ignoring that OP did state they have a college degree, "just not in one of those money-making fields." Which isn't to say an employer with a tuition-reimbursement program, or taking a few classes in something skills-oriented is a bad idea. Just that some of the responses seemed to be along the lines of "how to get a bachelors to improve your prospects," and that's not really the issue here.

OP, I can kind of relate. I'm finally leaving school (with a graduate degree, in my case), and I'm torn between the "Millennial entitlement" of "I put in the work, I got my degree(s), now where's my high-paying job?" while also somewhat ashamed of it and like "I can get my hands dirty. I'll do what needs done. I can live on ~$30k/year*" (*give or take for COL). I think you and I will both need to follow some advice my therapist gave me: look for what actual, physical, listed-on-the-website/posted-on-the-wall opportunities are out there, consider if there's any degree of fit to our skills, negotiate as good a compensation as we can, and go from there. Basically...start at the bottom, which others have told you and you seem to have taken to heart.

On the other hand, if you "just take a job" that is a really bad fit for you, sooner or later you will flame out, so I think you do need to be thinking about career directions, but in somewhat broader terms...what's your degree in? what can you do? what do you enjoy doing? what would you do for free (once you got tired of consuming entertainment)?  I know people with majors in languages (and a little coding experience) who got jobs with tech companies...in the $40k/yr range to start, but they got their foot in the door, they got recognized, they got promoted (or will, one of them just started). I know someone without a degree but with tech and customer service experience that leveraged that at a tech company. Also started at $40-50k but has almost doubled that in a few years. I know a couple people who didn't want to be cooped up in an office all day...one works a sequence of various seasonal jobs as an outdoors tour guide and lives frugally, the other is a mail carrier (pays decent, but it's tough!) I know a photographer, a couple actors with various day jobs, someone who runs a tutoring/college application business, a number of teachers, and lots of engineers and software developers (I am a tech school grad, so...). [And doctors and lawyers but that's a whole other level...]

People do a lot of different things! And the ones that are most successful and rewarded are the ones that take advantage of their more unusual skills...can you tolerate kids? can you tolerate physical discomfort (outdoors/trades)? are you good with people whether to calm them down in "customer support" or sell things without being sleazy? are you good with solitude and a little isolation? weird schedules?

That's the problem with giving a suggestion like "go pour concrete"...if you know nothing about a person you have no idea if that's a good fit at all.

Lemonhead

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #48 on: July 26, 2018, 05:02:31 PM »
I had a nephew that bounced around a few construction type jobs that ended up taking some quickie insurance course to become an insurance adjuster.  There are many types of adjusters, but he travels around to storm damage areas.  If you are good about keeping your expenses low and want to travel around a little this might be an option. 

pecunia

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Re: Feel so hopeless over getting a job that makes good money.
« Reply #49 on: July 26, 2018, 07:53:57 PM »
This post looks like it's time for a Mike Rowe video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY8ode602_8

Mike is a bit of a right winger.  I am not, but I think Mike has pragmatic advice.  He says see where all the people are going and go the other way.  That's where the jobs will be.

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!