Facing a tough work related decision

[Stache93]

I'm 22 and have been struggling with what I regard as a major life decision. I've been working at a burger place for the past five years. I love the work. I've been working there on and off and traveling Africa the past few years. I've usually done this in 2-3-4 month intervals. Doing this, I have loved traveling and loved returning to work. Last year while studying a year of university I was offered to manage the place, with a good salary and a chance of bonus. It was a one year thing(which is all I have ever done and what I love to do) however a one year thing usually doesn't get you far in terms of income. This is what I had long envisioned and day dreamed about so I was thrilled to get the opportunity. A few days later I got in a very bad accident and as a result had A LOT of anxiety as a result. For the first time in my life I had negative and intrusive thoughts, depression, countless physical anxiety symptoms, emotionally numb  and what I call a twisted head.                           Four months later and still with anxiety I started the job. I think I wanted to prove to myself I could do anything despite my new "experiences". I did really good at my new job, and as a result I now have a boss who trusts me and believes in me one hundred percent. As I normally do I worked as hard as I possibly could, with all the new responsibilities. It was a great success. The only downside is people relied on me too much and I was slowly killing myself. The motivating adrenalin rush mixed with anxiety eventually wore off and I think this is what you call a burnout. I had trouble relaxing when not working and eventually started feeling sick at work. I came back from weeks of vacation more worn out than when I left. Since September last year I've been trying to recover but every time I felt better I started working harder and burning myself again. At the same time I was offered to start my own branch and being part owner, which is a really good deal and will provide me with passive income. I believe in this, but I don't believe in myself in my current state. I told my boss to manage for me so maybe I could recover. I've invested money in the new company and now working as a regular employee with very high pay at my "old job". Everything is almost ready and I've been close to calling of the new opening several times and informed my boss who is now my business partner about this. I've had some really tough days the past few months both at work and outside of work and I think this is because of work. I go back and forth with what to do every hour. I wake up thinking about it and fall asleep thinking about it. I think this is causing loss of motivation and focus in my current job. I'm looking for some wise words from someone more experienced in life than me. I've always loved this job and this new branch will hopefully give me a new boost with new employees and new surroundings( new city) but everyday I have negative thoughts that tell me I should cancel everything. I'm not sure if I hate the job I love or used to love or if I'm just still burned out and can get through this. I've always wanted my own branch and believe in my abilities if I can get my head and health straightened out. Im scared I have spoiled the job my working too hard making me have panick attacks and attaching bad emotion to the work. I don't have a passion or something else screaming my name. Please ask questions if you would like as this post surely might be confusing.

[drunkenNoodles]

First OP, it really helps to write in paragraph(s)! It was REALLY hard to get through all that and you might get a better response when people can read your posting more clearly. This is just friendly advice.

In my opinion, as someone who has had over 15 different jobs, 2 startups, and 3 college majors, you need to realize it's ok to not know what the right move is. Given your anxiety and health issues, my advice is to relax and not rush. You're young and there are a million opportunities for someone who comes across as hard working, ambitious, and intelligent.

Allow yourself some natural progression. This job, will not be your last. You might own your own restaurant, chain, or franchise some day. Maybe you'll find that you want to work as an executive for a large restaurant conglomerate or be a restaurant consultant. Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves that we can't handle and the result is bad health and stress.

Make the choice that your body is encouraging you to make. Get your health in order, both mental and physical. You'll be a shitty business partner if your body and mind are battling you. You're obviously talented and even if this opportunity somehow vanishes, you will be just fine. Take your time, don't let others pressure you, get healthy, and enjoy what great fortune you have.

 

[drunkenNoodles]

Also, there's an current thread talking about restaurant ownership.

[url]http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/any-restaurant-owners-on-here//url]

Maybe ask the OP for some advice or to check out your post.

[Miss Piggy]

What are you doing for yourself to help with your physical and mental recovery? Sounds to me like it's more mental at this point...is that correct? You really need some help getting through this.

(I agree with the suggestion above about using paragraphs.)

[MsPeacock]

How about some therapy and/or meds?. It sounds like this has gone beyond something that can be fixed by taking a couple days off or lightening your work load. Depression and anxiety can really mess with your ability to make decisions, see the future clearly, and recharge from day to day stressors.

[Cellista]

<A few days later I got in a very bad accident and as a result had A LOT of anxiety as a result. For the first time in my life I had negative and intrusive thoughts, depression, countless physical anxiety symptoms, emotionally numb  and what I call a twisted head.>

Did you have a head injury? Is it possible you had a concussion?  That is what I wondered after reading that you had severe anxiety and other symptoms immediately after the accident.

Have you been checked out by a doctor?

[Stache93]

I realize now what a piece of work my first post is to read. I wrote it on my phone and didn't realize how bad it was until after it was posted. My apologies.

Thank you all for replying and especially drunkenNoodles for making me feel more calm than I have in days. The accident happened last year and I spent a week in an African hospital and was later taken care of in Scandinavia where I live. I didn't have a concussion of some sort and what I experienced was post traumatic stress which I still experience to this day.

Entering my new job with these new experiences of anxiety caused moderate stress triggers to be those of extreme. I did function very well but burned out. I now feel like I have almost reached the "top", but wonder if it's the job I have to let go or if I can work on myself and get through it while working, and eventually start to love my work again.

I have seen a psychologist with little improvement and my doctor at several occasions.
I would definitely find a new psychologist in the new city where I start my job, as I heard the first one might not be the winner!

I have though over the year made great improvements on the accident-related anxiety. I used to think about the accident at least every half hour for almost a year straight. I also got rid of daily panick attacks and a lot of social anxiety that surfaced after the accident. All this time while working I was, and still am, unsure if it was my accident or also my job, or both that have caused me anxiety.

 Revisiting and driving through the accident intersection as well as the hospital as well as exposing myself to other things that made me death scared really helped!

My doctor and I agreed that medication was not the solution, thus far, and that these things pass with time. I have seen friends being numbed and gotten "stuck" with anxiety medications and antidepressants which has made me apprehensive. I believe these medications have their place, but I think and hope I can move through this towards my normal self without them. 

The new job is good. It's around 20-25 set hours at the job, and then whatever comes up.. (And there's always something coming up) I have had this job for a year and can do it effectively if I can get myself straight.

- I invest 20000 dollars into the business + loans of 25000(which is paid monthly by the business)

- The set pay is around 45000 USD per year before taxes, I also as the manager get 15% of the yearly result in bonus. Despite being a mustachian, I realize it's not smart to pick a job based solely on income.

- As a 60% owner I would also get 60% of the yearly results. It's hard to say definitely what these will be, we think anything from 10k to 100k the first years, but as with any business there is still a risk.

- I hope that a new environment, new challenges will do me good. I now know this is a marathon and not a sprint.

- I have worked for this opportunity for a long time, but as the startup got closer I got more tired and burned out by working as well as going back and forth and back and forth with this decision. Not taking it would make me feel like I have "wasted" years of work.

- As the business gets solid I would be able to hire a new manager and follow up this young man or woman, reducing my work load.

- I love this work, or at least I used to. The question is if I will again

BUT:
- It doesn't feel good.

- I'm worrying for my mental health.

- I'm afraid I have spoiled this line of work by working too hard and attaching bad emotions to it. My tolerance for "rushes" in the store has gone way way way down, and this is the part where any hope and positivity get smashed. I used to have 60 great work days in a row and now they are seldom. Has anyone gotten over this by working less over time or taking a time out? I want to find out if I really have grown to dislike my job or if I'm burned out.

- I'm also worrying that doing anything else will have me feeling just the same, or worse. I won't know for sure if it's "me or my job", until I quit.

- I'm obviously a privileged cry baby.

I also wonder if this is how one feels when contemplating divorce. Haha.

The store opening is set to September, and I wonder if I quit my current job as soon as possible and take it easy until then if it will do the trick. From there try not to go "extreme mode" as I tend to do with projects. Has anyone gone through with similar decisions? At this point I might flip a coin! Sorry for all the nagging and I hope this was easier on the eyes.

Sincerely, Young&ConfusedStache

[sonjak]

My suggestions based on personal experience: if you're not already, get some exercise every day.  It makes a huge difference in your mental health. 

I also suggest you check out the books Feeling Good by David Burns and The Upward Spiral by Alex Korb.  The first one is "deeper" the second one is a more immediate fix with quick tips to implement to start an upward spiral into feeling better.  But even reading and working with the first 5 chapters of Feeling Good will make a drastic difference in how you think about things and give you some peace.

[Stache93]

My suggestions based on personal experience: if you're not already, get some exercise every day.  It makes a huge difference in your mental health. 

I also suggest you check out the books Feeling Good by David Burns and The Upward Spiral by Alex Korb.  The first one is "deeper" the second one is a more immediate fix with quick tips to implement to start an upward spiral into feeling better.  But even reading and working with the first 5 chapters of Feeling Good will make a drastic difference in how you think about things and give you some peace.

Thank you! I have always been very active weight lifting, and recently started swimming, long-boarding and swimming in cold water in lakes!(better than morphine)

I will read those books.