Author Topic: Epic FU money stories  (Read 1691458 times)

Sibley

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2050 on: November 29, 2017, 06:12:03 PM »
OMG -- you are an internal auditor and she was asking for last minute changes?   RECIPE FOR DISASTER!!!!   No wonder you were stressed.  That kind of management style is bad in all circumstances, but lethal in that kind of an environment.

Ultimately the problem is above her, though.  I bet she was a great individual performer.   Just shouldn't have been promoted.

That is exactly why I don't want to move into management. I'm a great auditor. I would be a terrible audit manager. And yes, she was a very good individual performer.

I basically had a breakdown last night. I honestly thought that mgmt knew I was unhappy, but they didn't care. There have been several specific incidents this year that someone SHOULD have checked in with me, and they didn't. And I talked to them a couple times, got short term help but no long term fix. It appears, based on everyone's reaction to my leaving, that they really didn't get it, and I couldn't process that contradiction (still can't really). I got 2 hours sleep last night, and spent the whole train ride in crying. I didn't go to work. I ended up texting a friend (different dept), and she came down for a bit and we talked. Mostly, she helped me calm down a bit. She helped me text in that I was taking the day off, and looked up the train schedule for me. I went home and went back to bed. The cats were very surprised, but happily napped with me.

After getting some sleep (still a mess, but at least I'm semi-functional now), I'm stuck with 2 basic facts. 1. I don't actually want to leave, and 2. even if they make the changes that I've been told they're planning and switched my manager, I don't think it would be enough to fix ME. Because this is NOT me, I don't do this. I am more important than any job, so I'm still leaving. Unfortunately, in my decidedly NOT rational state this morning, I did text my former manager some of this confusion, so now I need to have another chat with the director tomorrow.

Just goes to show how much a bad mgmt style can mess you up, and you may not even realize it.

Bicycle_B

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2051 on: November 29, 2017, 06:31:19 PM »
OMG -- you are an internal auditor and she was asking for last minute changes?   

Holy CRAP.


I basically had a breakdown last night. I honestly thought that mgmt knew I was unhappy, but they didn't care. There have been several specific incidents this year that someone SHOULD have checked in with me, and they didn't. And I talked to them a couple times, got short term help but no long term fix. It appears, based on everyone's reaction to my leaving, that they really didn't get it, and I couldn't process that contradiction (still can't really). I got 2 hours sleep last night, and spent the whole train ride in crying. I didn't go to work. I ended up texting a friend (different dept), and she came down for a bit and we talked. Mostly, she helped me calm down a bit. She helped me text in that I was taking the day off, and looked up the train schedule for me. I went home and went back to bed. The cats were very surprised, but happily napped with me.

After getting some sleep (still a mess, but at least I'm semi-functional now), I'm stuck with 2 basic facts. 1. I don't actually want to leave, and 2. even if they make the changes that I've been told they're planning and switched my manager, I don't think it would be enough to fix ME. Because this is NOT me, I don't do this. I am more important than any job, so I'm still leaving. Unfortunately, in my decidedly NOT rational state this morning, I did text my former manager some of this confusion, so now I need to have another chat with the director tomorrow.

Just goes to show how much a bad mgmt style can mess you up, and you may not even realize it.

Sounds very confusing!  Fwiw, in the midst of confusion, Executing the Plan is usually a good way to overcome the emotional turbulence.  If your plan is to leave, seems like the plan will get you out of a bad situation.

They can always up the ante later and ask for your return... after the bad supervisor is no longer in the job that caused the trouble, once management has become ready to accept more responsibility for their own decisions.  Fwiw, if you were to stay, it still seems like the effect would be to enable the situation to continue.  And you have a perfect cover:  "I already accepted an offer."  I hope you keep and enjoy your upcoming vacation and new job.  Keep getting sleep.  And hey, with all this stress, calling in sick is totally legit!

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2052 on: November 30, 2017, 01:37:14 AM »
Today in conversation with a friend I talked a bit about a situation I had 20 years ago with a bad manager, and realised just how badly it had affected me at the time when I found myself dropping the f bomb about 10 times in one minute.

You are right that you are not the problem, and you are right to move on.  When you have your chat with the director tomorrow, I would think about saying that you are only able to work out your notice if you no longer have to work to your current manager, and that if they are unable to agree to this you will be on sick leave.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2053 on: November 30, 2017, 02:32:42 AM »
I have a couple of freelance friends who have all worked for this guy we call Crazy [Name]. We call him that to remind ourselves never ever ever to work with him again. We've each been through it in turn and it seriously messes with you. Looking back, it's hard to imagine why we put up with him, but at the time we all got this weird tunnel vision about it. Keep leaving - your future self will thank you.

Laura33

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2054 on: November 30, 2017, 06:49:33 AM »
I honestly thought that mgmt knew I was unhappy, but they didn't care. There have been several specific incidents this year that someone SHOULD have checked in with me, and they didn't. And I talked to them a couple times, got short term help but no long term fix. It appears, based on everyone's reaction to my leaving, that they really didn't get it, and I couldn't process that contradiction (still can't really).

I am so sorry.  Please realize that this is not on you, this is completely on them.  I really doubt that it was at all personal; they were just checking in at a superficial level, like people do at work; they did *something*, so they ticked that box, and then went on to the next thing, and so when they didn't hear anything else, they assumed everything was fine.

The thing for you to realize is that this is also crappy management.  The fault here is not just with your immediate boss -- it is with every single other manager there who didn't bother to provide that boss with sufficient training or oversight, who focused on short-term band-aids instead of long-term solutions, and who managed passively and reactively (i.e., only in response to complaints) instead of proactively making sure the teams were properly staffed and supervised.

I am sure many of these same people like you very much as a person and respect you professionally.  They are just in a bad management structure and have never been trained on how to manage properly.  That is a problem that comes from the top, and so it is nothing that you could ever fix even if you stayed.

Sibley

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2055 on: November 30, 2017, 08:28:22 AM »
I honestly thought that mgmt knew I was unhappy, but they didn't care. There have been several specific incidents this year that someone SHOULD have checked in with me, and they didn't. And I talked to them a couple times, got short term help but no long term fix. It appears, based on everyone's reaction to my leaving, that they really didn't get it, and I couldn't process that contradiction (still can't really).

I am so sorry.  Please realize that this is not on you, this is completely on them.  I really doubt that it was at all personal; they were just checking in at a superficial level, like people do at work; they did *something*, so they ticked that box, and then went on to the next thing, and so when they didn't hear anything else, they assumed everything was fine.

The thing for you to realize is that this is also crappy management.  The fault here is not just with your immediate boss -- it is with every single other manager there who didn't bother to provide that boss with sufficient training or oversight, who focused on short-term band-aids instead of long-term solutions, and who managed passively and reactively (i.e., only in response to complaints) instead of proactively making sure the teams were properly staffed and supervised.

I am sure many of these same people like you very much as a person and respect you professionally.  They are just in a bad management structure and have never been trained on how to manage properly.  That is a problem that comes from the top, and so it is nothing that you could ever fix even if you stayed.

I know. However, I clearly hit a breaking point. I'm better today, back at work. I'm still emotionally fragile though, and I know it. I'm trying to be very careful to manage my stress load, make sure I eat and sleep enough, etc. One day at a time. This is very unlike me, I've never done anything like this before.

Edit: to be clear, I'm still leaving this job for the new one. I clearly need a change.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 08:32:55 AM by Sibley »

Dicey

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2056 on: November 30, 2017, 08:37:08 AM »
Great update. Sending you lots of positive energy and hugs.

Aegishjalmur

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2057 on: November 30, 2017, 09:04:38 AM »
Sibley,

Congrats on getting out. No job is worth that level of emotional and mental stress.

MrMoogle

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2058 on: November 30, 2017, 11:08:37 AM »
It sounds like you could use more than a week between jobs.  You might want to explore those options.

Sibley

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2059 on: November 30, 2017, 11:23:05 AM »
It sounds like you could use more than a week between jobs.  You might want to explore those options.

I'm thinking about it. Haven't decided.

Daisy

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2060 on: November 30, 2017, 11:24:46 AM »
I honestly thought that mgmt knew I was unhappy, but they didn't care. There have been several specific incidents this year that someone SHOULD have checked in with me, and they didn't. And I talked to them a couple times, got short term help but no long term fix. It appears, based on everyone's reaction to my leaving, that they really didn't get it, and I couldn't process that contradiction (still can't really).

I am so sorry.  Please realize that this is not on you, this is completely on them.  I really doubt that it was at all personal; they were just checking in at a superficial level, like people do at work; they did *something*, so they ticked that box, and then went on to the next thing, and so when they didn't hear anything else, they assumed everything was fine.

The thing for you to realize is that this is also crappy management.  The fault here is not just with your immediate boss -- it is with every single other manager there who didn't bother to provide that boss with sufficient training or oversight, who focused on short-term band-aids instead of long-term solutions, and who managed passively and reactively (i.e., only in response to complaints) instead of proactively making sure the teams were properly staffed and supervised.

I am sure many of these same people like you very much as a person and respect you professionally.  They are just in a bad management structure and have never been trained on how to manage properly.  That is a problem that comes from the top, and so it is nothing that you could ever fix even if you stayed.

I know. However, I clearly hit a breaking point. I'm better today, back at work. I'm still emotionally fragile though, and I know it. I'm trying to be very careful to manage my stress load, make sure I eat and sleep enough, etc. One day at a time. This is very unlike me, I've never done anything like this before.

Edit: to be clear, I'm still leaving this job for the new one. I clearly need a change.

Yep, agree with Laura33.

When I initially went to HR, they did have a talk with my managers and the tension reduced.

However, when I went to HR the second time, HR person said "but we had a talk with them to tame down the rhetoric". I said yes, they have been nicer to me...but in the sense that now they were barely talking with me, just politely smiling at me in the hallway. So the nasty managers' response was to just avoid me. Maybe they were worried they would screw up again by talking with me and were protecting themselves.

Also, the HR person tried to institute some seminars on improving the work environment, but none of the managers in my department attended. It was only individual contributors that attended. It was a voluntary seminar. I brought this up to the HR person during the second talk, to point out that my management really had no interest in changing. Others had noticed too that no managers went.

I am so happy to be gone.

KT's Stache

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2061 on: November 30, 2017, 11:42:27 AM »
Sibley as someone who is about a month "farther along" than you in this same process, I can tell you it will be hard, but such a positive change once you have a bit of time to reflect on everything that is happening.

I was in a job for 9 years with poor management, and then 4 years ago transferred to a different office where the "worst" manager was the person I was working closest with. I pushed hard to pretend that I could handle it, and that I really did have it all together but was offered a great (and very different) job by a business owner friend and I decided to make a change. I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in being KT from XX, and I was in serious denial about how much stress/unhappiness this job was causing me. Giving my notice was the hardest thing I have done, and then I doubted and freaked out about it for 3 days afterwords until the entire company was informed. After that, it was a great experience (well mostly....).  Co-workers, clients, and community contacts were telling me just what a great job I had done and how much they were going to miss me. I was getting such apathetic or negative feedback for so long before this, I had managed to convince myself that I wasn't good at my job (and basically sucked at all areas of life too). I was so mad that no one had communicated the positive thoughts/feedback to me while I still worked there. I was getting comments like you seem stressed, you should take a day off, but no one actually cared enough to ask me how I was actually doing.

I took a week off between jobs, and was able to process through where my values were and how I actually felt about myself and am working to re-align my life with those values/goals.  My recommendation would be to talk to a couple of different people who know/understand you (your likes, values, goals, skills ect) really well and take some time to talk through this process, then think and evaluate on your own. I repeated this process of going back and forth between friends and introspective thinking several times and each gave me more clarity into myself. 

In the end, it has been an exhausting, emotional, difficult but great outcome. When I started my new job, I had 4 other professionals asking me to do other contracting work for them during their busy time of the year. So, I went from a job where I worked 3,000 hours a year, to one where I work 30-32 hours a week (with only 1 day a week in the office, the rest is at home), and can do contract work when I want, according to my schedule, with people I like to work with. I took a small pay cut to go to part time, but when you factor in the contract work, I will be making about 50% more each year.  This new plan I have aligns with the goals I identified, of having more location mobility/flexibility, more freedom, and allows me more quality time to spend with the people and causes that I hold near to my hear.

A long story to say You can do it!!! Keep yourself a priority, and keep working hard to figure out how life is "Best" for you.
KT
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 11:54:39 AM by KT's Stache »

Dicey

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2062 on: November 30, 2017, 07:16:08 PM »
Great post, KT!

Sibley

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2063 on: November 30, 2017, 08:22:02 PM »
Yes, thanks KT.

I made it through the day without incident. A few coworkers are aware that I'm somewhat fragile (it was obvious to them, they know me well enough), and quietly redirected conversations a few times. Which I am very grateful for.

Dicey

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2064 on: December 01, 2017, 12:15:48 AM »
Yes, thanks KT.

I made it through the day without incident. A few coworkers are aware that I'm somewhat fragile (it was obvious to them, they know me well enough), and quietly redirected conversations a few times. Which I am very grateful for.
Imagine the entire Tenth Anniversary All-Star Cast of Les Miserables belting out "One Day More". You'll get through this and go on to better things and a happier life soon, Sibley, very, very soon.

Prairie Stash

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2065 on: December 01, 2017, 08:21:19 AM »
Yes, thanks KT.

I made it through the day without incident. A few coworkers are aware that I'm somewhat fragile (it was obvious to them, they know me well enough), and quietly redirected conversations a few times. Which I am very grateful for.
Imagine the entire Tenth Anniversary All-Star Cast of Les Miserables belting out "One Day More". You'll get through this and go on to better things and a happier life soon, Sibley, very, very soon.
Love the song (one of my favourite memories was seeing it performed while travelling overseas), but didn't most of the people singing meet a tragic end? I also travelled the sewer system in Paris, an actual tourist destination, that Jean Valjean escaped into. Again I hope Sibley fares better ;) 

(hoping Sibley sees the humour, laughter is the best medicine)

Sibley

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2066 on: December 01, 2017, 08:59:54 AM »
Yes, thanks KT.

I made it through the day without incident. A few coworkers are aware that I'm somewhat fragile (it was obvious to them, they know me well enough), and quietly redirected conversations a few times. Which I am very grateful for.
Imagine the entire Tenth Anniversary All-Star Cast of Les Miserables belting out "One Day More". You'll get through this and go on to better things and a happier life soon, Sibley, very, very soon.
Love the song (one of my favourite memories was seeing it performed while travelling overseas), but didn't most of the people singing meet a tragic end? I also travelled the sewer system in Paris, an actual tourist destination, that Jean Valjean escaped into. Again I hope Sibley fares better ;) 

(hoping Sibley sees the humour, laughter is the best medicine)

I'm working on it! Am hanging in there. Thanks all - it helps. (and found out the person taking over some of my projects is struggling with the same things I am. this team has issues)

markbike528CBX

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2067 on: December 01, 2017, 12:42:06 PM »
Yes, thanks KT.

I made it through the day without incident. A few coworkers are aware that I'm somewhat fragile (it was obvious to them, they know me well enough), and quietly redirected conversations a few times. Which I am very grateful for.
Imagine the entire Tenth Anniversary All-Star Cast of Les Miserables belting out "One Day More". You'll get through this and go on to better things and a happier life soon, Sibley, very, very soon.
Love the song (one of my favourite memories was seeing it performed while travelling overseas), but didn't most of the people singing meet a tragic end? I also travelled the sewer system in Paris, an actual tourist destination, that Jean Valjean escaped into. Again I hope Sibley fares better ;) 

(hoping Sibley sees the humour, laughter is the best medicine)

I'm working on it! Am hanging in there. Thanks all - it helps. (and found out the person taking over some of my projects is struggling with the same things I am. this team has issues)

For a song I'd suggest The Real McKenzies - Best Day Untill Tomorrow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lQ5zg4aOJY

Enjoy what'chas got, not what you have not
'tis a weak heart lamenting with sorrow
When the days seem cursed, it could always be worse
Fight depression with sword and arrow

.......

When the world ain't right, and it smithes ye with strife
Ye can now buckle down, it's a test they call life
Very soon you will see what kind of animal you'd be
Taking the bite outta life

When they're testing the gallows, yer hung like a dog
Or they're marching us out to a firing squad
We just smile and recall all the good times we had
It's the best 'til tomorrow

It's the best day 'til tomorrow

........

mm1970

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2068 on: December 01, 2017, 05:11:02 PM »
Quote
Also, the HR person tried to institute some seminars on improving the work environment, but none of the managers in my department attended. It was only individual contributors that attended. It was a voluntary seminar. I brought this up to the HR person during the second talk, to point out that my management really had no interest in changing. Others had noticed too that no managers went.

I went to a week long training on management.  Many of our managers went there.  The worst one (a former manager of mine) actually argued with the teacher.  I rolled my eyes SO HARD behind him.  The topic was how to handle ideas in meetings, and to never "tell someone their idea was stupid".  (He was the worst at that.)  He actually said, during this class "sometimes you just HAVE TO be blunt to keep the meeting moving!"

Funniest thing is this guy would tell me how dumb my ideas were, even though I had 10+ years in the industry and he had zero - and he would come up with this GREAT IDEA 2 weeks later.  I stopped coming up with ideas in meeting, and just started running experiments on the side and presenting results when they were done.

Mrs Hen

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2069 on: December 08, 2017, 11:27:31 AM »
Wow.  I just finished (re)reading the entire thread, and there are some amazing, inspirational stories here.

It's really helped me come to terms with my own situation, and make a big decision.

I've been working in my field for nearly 30 years, and 21 years with my current employer.  I am good at what I do, work with some great people, and am respected.  I have a good pay and benefits package.  So far, so good.

My company has changed culturally over the years to the point where the only thing that matters is the bottom line.  I understand we need to make money, but there used to be a caring attitude towards employees that paid them back in spades.

The changes have happened gradually over several years, but have suddenly added up to become a huge deal for me.

I am currently working for my 7th line manager in 6 years.  In the last 2 years, I have dealt with my Mother's breast cancer (she's fine now), my Father's rapid decline and death, my Grandmother's gradual decline and death, my own diagnosis with adult onset diabetes, and planned my wedding (the good bit!).

Funnily enough, I ended up in a very fragile mental state , and I was prescribed medication for stress and depression.  These have been slowly reducing over the summer, with a view to coming off them altogether very soon.

Being respected in my role is wonderful, but it has meant I've become the "go-to girl" for everything.  I took on as much as I could over and above my primary role, but I'm aware most of my colleagues are only doing the primary role.  I am not paid any extra for doing the extra work.  I realised I was not coping, went to my manager (promoted into the role 3 months ago), explained my concerns about my health, and asked for my workload to be temporarily reduced for a couple of months while a particular large project was delivered.  Once that was done, I was very happy to take on the extra stuff again.

My manager said no.  No discussion.  My colleagues would be upset, and she wouldn't like that.  So no.

Cue lots of tears (in private!), and a text to my husband asking him if we could afford for me to quit.  He said we could afford for me to do whatever I needed to do.

My doctor has put my medications back up to the maximum dose.  I did not take any time off sick.

I did, however, start looking at our savings in a different way.  We crunched some numbers and realised we were in a pretty good place.  Not FI, but well on our way.  A line from way back in this thread came back to me.  I may need A job, but I don't need THIS job.

I do love my primary role, so I've come up with a plan of action, and I've put in application to go part time.  The company has 3 months to give me an answer, but I think I have a good chance.  If they say no, I will ask to be demoted to a level where there is no expectation of accepting extra tasks.  If they reject that, I'll quit.

So a HUGE thank you to everyone who has posted here.  Some good decisions early in my working life, living within my means, and a nudge (facepunch) from here has made me realise I actually have FU money, and I've had the nerve to use it.

Sorry for the long post!!

rantk81

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2070 on: December 08, 2017, 11:38:21 AM »
...
My company has changed culturally over the years to the point where the only thing that matters is the bottom line.  I understand we need to make money, but there used to be a caring attitude towards employees that paid them back in spades.

The changes have happened gradually over several years, but have suddenly added up to become a huge deal for me.
...

Many parallels with my employer ...

former player

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2071 on: December 08, 2017, 12:16:56 PM »
A line from way back in this thread came back to me.  I may need A job, but I don't need THIS job.

I do love my primary role, so I've come up with a plan of action, and I've put in application to go part time.  The company has 3 months to give me an answer, but I think I have a good chance.  If they say no, I will ask to be demoted to a level where there is no expectation of accepting extra tasks.  If they reject that, I'll quit.

So a HUGE thank you to everyone who has posted here.  Some good decisions early in my working life, living within my means, and a nudge (facepunch) from here has made me realise I actually have FU money, and I've had the nerve to use it.

Sorry for the long post!!
No need to apologise: stories like yours are the reason this thread exists.  Congratulations on the FU money and the imminent move to part time/demotion/another job.

While you are waiting for a decision on the part time, you have nothing to lose by pushing back on some of those extra tasks.  Simply saying to someone who asks you to do something extra "I don't have time at the moment, if you want you can ask me again after [Christmas/New Year/Easter] might help in the meantime.

plainjane

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2072 on: December 08, 2017, 12:43:46 PM »
A line from way back in this thread came back to me.  I may need A job, but I don't need THIS job.

I do love my primary role, so I've come up with a plan of action, and I've put in application to go part time.  The company has 3 months to give me an answer, but I think I have a good chance.  If they say no, I will ask to be demoted to a level where there is no expectation of accepting extra tasks.  If they reject that, I'll quit.

So a HUGE thank you to everyone who has posted here.  Some good decisions early in my working life, living within my means, and a nudge (facepunch) from here has made me realise I actually have FU money, and I've had the nerve to use it.

Sorry for the long post!!
No need to apologise: stories like yours are the reason this thread exists.  Congratulations on the FU money and the imminent move to part time/demotion/another job.

While you are waiting for a decision on the part time, you have nothing to lose by pushing back on some of those extra tasks.  Simply saying to someone who asks you to do something extra "I don't have time at the moment, if you want you can ask me again after [Christmas/New Year/Easter] might help in the meantime.

I'm so glad you have not taken their 'no' for an answer.

Another idea in the meantime is to start dropping the things you've asked to have taken off of your plate - "so sorry, I need to get X done". "Hi Manager, I know you said it was important I still do Z. In order for that to happen I'm going to need an extension on delivering Y or get help with it so that I have time to do Z". "I know that in the past I've been able to do Z, but that isn't possible for me any more."

Something for you to practice out loud with your SO? It is always easier if you have practiced scripts first.

G-dog

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2073 on: December 08, 2017, 05:54:02 PM »
...
My company has changed culturally over the years to the point where the only thing that matters is the bottom line.  I understand we need to make money, but there used to be a caring attitude towards employees that paid them back in spades.

The changes have happened gradually over several years, but have suddenly added up to become a huge deal for me.
...

Many parallels with my employer ...

Me too, now my EX-employer!

RedmondStash

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2074 on: December 08, 2017, 07:32:23 PM »
Some really inspirational stories here. Mine doesn't feel inspirational, but I'll add it anyway.

I spent three years at a wonderful job getting to do work I really enjoyed, with people who were vocal about their appreciation. It was one of the healthier office environments I've been in.

Then, a couple of months ago, a guy who'd seemed fine when he was hired a year ago dumped a load of toxic bile on me in a private message, in response to my reaching out to him to clarify something about my role that he seemed to have misunderstood. He basically insulted my work, my work ethic, my competence, and my understanding of the industry, and he tried to set expectations for my job, even though he was nowhere in my management chain, and I've been working in this industry since he was in diapers.

I was shocked, upset, and angry. I didn't respond directly, because it was clear the guy wasn't going to listen to me; instead, I went to his manager, who agreed the guy was way out of line and said he'd talk to him.

Fast forward a month and a half, and suddenly, the situation has been reframed as a personality clash, and now I'm part of the problem. I'm getting pressure from the guy's management to see things from his POV, even though that initial incident was never resolved, and to sit down and have a meeting with him and his manager. I was uncomfortable but ultimately agreed, trying to be a team player.

That meeting was the most disturbing experience I've ever had in a work environment. It was clear to me that the guy didn't actually have an issue with me or my work, or even really understand it; he was overwhelmed and stressed out, and looking for someone to use as a punching bag. And his manager just sat there and let the guy verbally attack me; anger, hostility, and blame were just radiating off the guy the whole time.

So I gave notice. I'd told my manager about the initial incident, but I'd thought it was being handled, so I'd told him he didn't have to do anything. And then things escalated so fast there was no way in hell I was staying at that company. I barely ate or slept for the next couple of weeks, but managed to go into the office and finish up some final tasks. And then my last day came, and I was gone.

Funny thing -- I have heard at least two other people complain about the guy's behavior. So I know it's not just me. I also know that I could have escalated further up his management chain and mine, but it just wasn't worth it, because at the point where his management has been swayed to his side, it's game over and I can't win. I've seen this movie before. The more you escalate, the uglier it gets, and the more you become the problem. I wanted to leave without burning bridges, so I made my quiet exit. I know that as long as I was there, any issues the guy had would be blamed on me. Now, when he picks his next scapegoat, maybe someone in his management chain will start to see the pattern. The whole situation has left a really sour taste in my mouth, but at least I'm free of it now.

I don't know if I'm actually FIRE, but I'm certainly going to take an extended vacation for a year, or two, or ten.

And I thank my lucky stars for my FU money. Never again will I stay in a toxic situation that slowly destroys my health and sanity. And I am so grateful that I have the breathing room to put my stressed-out brain back together, and to recover from one of my more unpleasant and unsettling workplace experiences.

arebelspy

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2075 on: December 08, 2017, 07:37:02 PM »
I think that's a badass story, RedmondStache.

You didn't put up with poor treatment, and gave notice instead. That's the whole reason to have FU money.

Well done!
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and are now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about us, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2076 on: December 09, 2017, 12:36:25 AM »
I think that's a badass story, RedmondStache.

You didn't put up with poor treatment, and gave notice instead. That's the whole reason to have FU money.

Well done!

Seconded.  And a great decision and move for you too, Mrs. Hen. 

Warlord1986

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2077 on: December 11, 2017, 08:32:00 AM »
Mrs. Hen and Redmond Stash with the good stories. :)

mm1970

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2078 on: December 11, 2017, 05:31:11 PM »
2 good new stories, yay!

Daisy

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2079 on: December 11, 2017, 08:58:12 PM »
...
My company has changed culturally over the years to the point where the only thing that matters is the bottom line.  I understand we need to make money, but there used to be a caring attitude towards employees that paid them back in spades.

The changes have happened gradually over several years, but have suddenly added up to become a huge deal for me.
...

Many parallels with my employer ...

Me too, now my EX-employer!

Well I know G-dog and I didn't work for the same employer, but I am wondering if rantk81 and MrsHen's were my same employer. It sure sounds familiar!

Daisy

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2080 on: December 11, 2017, 09:00:07 PM »
I don't know if I'm actually FIRE, but I'm certainly going to take an extended vacation for a year, or two, or ten.

Well deserved. Congratulations!

And I thank my lucky stars for my FU money. Never again will I stay in a toxic situation that slowly destroys my health and sanity. And I am so grateful that I have the breathing room to put my stressed-out brain back together, and to recover from one of my more unpleasant and unsettling workplace experiences.

That is the very definition of FU money.

kskillz

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2081 on: December 12, 2017, 01:37:41 PM »
Friends,

(TLDR; take this job and shove it)

My 20+ year career in enterprise IT is coming to an end in 2018 and thanks to FU money, I am not panicking or frantically searching for another job.  In fact, on a daily basis I feel like I might just explode from joy.

I work on a small team of highly experienced IT system engineers for a major retailer.

This retailer leases and operates several data centers across the country and owns tens of millions of dollars worth of data center IT equipment such as servers, network switches, firewalls, storage arrays, etc.

Earlier in 2017, the CIO and board of directors kicked off an ambitious project to close all these data centers and move their entire IT infrastructure to a cloud infrastructure.  The scope of the project is enormous.  Hundreds of applications and one of the top 10 e-commerce sites in the world will need completely migrated out of data centers and into the cloud.

In September of 2017, the company decided to outsource any job related to data center IT to Tata Consulting Services, aka TCS.  Over 70 people were laid off.  Storage engineers, UNIX engineers, networking engineers, data center engineers, anyone with a job supporting or engineering data center solutions was laid off in favor of TCS taking over the work.  I was one of these layoffs.

TCS arranged with the retailer to hire a small number of those laid off to come work for TCS and continue doing their old job, but as a TCS contractor, not as an employee of the retailer.  Of course this move to TCS would get you a huge pay cut, an enormous cost increase in benefits, and officially zero paid time off.

My name was identified as a key engineer, and TCS gave me the "opportunity" to apply for my old job.  I was given about a month to decide if I wanted to join TCS.  The alternative was to train my TCS replacements and be out of a job on 2/1/18.

It took me about an hour to decide to that this was my out. 

I was given a deadline to apply to TCS.  I would have had to interview for my old job.  The day of the deadline, I received a phone call from a TCS recruiter.  The recruiter said he was calling to find out why he hadn't seen my resume submitted yet.  My reply:

"I didn't submit my resume to TCS."

**** crickets  chirp chirp chirp *****

"Uh....... may I ask why not?"

"I don't want to work for TCS."

******** 30 second pause.........  "OK then well wishes to you..."  click

It's hard to describe how I felt during that conversation.  I knew I was willingly making a choice to abandon my career.  The only thing I've ever done in my adult life to make a living was now effectively over, and I did have the opportunity to keep going, but I chose not to.  I refused to work harder for less, and it's all thanks to having FU money.

So here I am employed until 2/1/18.  I'm mostly done training my replacements, and they sure will have their work cut out for them.  I'm abandoning several high profile projects that require attention and expertise.  Good luck to them.  As my last day approaches, I will be offering my services for after 2/1/18 at a very reasonable rate of $200/hr with a 2 hour minimum.

A few of my co-workers did interview with and accept TCS positions.  Other co-workers have found new IT jobs elsewhere.  When they ask me what I'm doing, I tell them that I am done with IT and will be taking at least a year off.  The reactions are comically mixed.  Some people can't believe it and think I'm making a huge, costly mistake.  Others are very supportive with a "good for you" attitude.

My plan now after 2/1/18 is to enjoy a reasonably generous severance, then file for unemployment.  When that runs out, I'll start tapping into my backdoor ROTH for living expenses.  I expect to look for a part time job within walking distance after unemployment runs out.  There is a very nice liquor store within walking distance that is constantly hiring for clerks and stocking staff.  I will absolutely have no problem whatsoever working there for beer money.

Cheers!

Dicey

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2082 on: December 12, 2017, 02:23:40 PM »
Nice!!!

Krolik

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2083 on: December 12, 2017, 02:26:16 PM »
Well done Kskillz !!! Great story :-)

Zikoris

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2084 on: December 12, 2017, 03:15:13 PM »
What a funny coincidence - I have a friend in real life who also quit a stable job awhile ago to work part time at a liquor store. Apparently it's been going great.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2085 on: December 12, 2017, 05:25:19 PM »
After seeing TCS I couldn't get TPS report out of my head.

The guy who taught me nuclear spectroscopy got himself re-classified so as to be eligible for a layoff. 
Went to work in agriculture and truck driving.

scottish

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2086 on: December 12, 2017, 05:42:23 PM »
Based on my experience with Indian companies, you should be able to buy lots of beer with your consulting fees.

Tata for now. 

GettingClose

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2087 on: December 13, 2017, 12:19:41 PM »
Epic!

mm1970

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2088 on: December 13, 2017, 12:41:46 PM »
kskillz, so glorious!

Warlord1986

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2089 on: December 14, 2017, 10:26:27 AM »
That was such a pleasure to read.

acroy

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2090 on: December 14, 2017, 11:12:14 AM »
Great stories recently - thanks!!

Mrs Hen

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2091 on: December 14, 2017, 11:25:23 AM »
Great story from kskillz!

I've started pushing back at work.

The current project is huge, and management have realised they are going to struggle to deliver.  They have offered unlimited overtime hours to anyone who wants them.  I haven't asked for any, as I am in that place more than enough already.

The other day my very concerned manager (the one who said no to reducing my workload), asked me into the office.  Very worried I hadn't been given any overtime - lets sit down and allocate you some extra hours now.

I politely declined, while doing the happy dance in my head.  Why would I want more hours, when she has my part time request?

The look on her face was priceless

rockstache

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2092 on: December 14, 2017, 11:27:47 AM »
Awesome job Mrs. Hen! That must have felt amazing!

Mrs Hen

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2093 on: December 14, 2017, 11:37:06 AM »
Awesome job Mrs. Hen! That must have felt amazing!

Felt Gooooooood!!

gaja

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2094 on: December 14, 2017, 01:49:05 PM »
Well done!

Slee_stack

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2095 on: December 14, 2017, 02:13:09 PM »
Awesome job Mrs. Hen! That must have felt amazing!

Felt Gooooooood!!
Bam!  Love it.



OT hours...  I repeatedly get the spiel that we can't get more resources and must not be overloaded if we are only working 45 - 50 hours (I average 42).  Strange, but we don't get a dime for anything past 40.


I always zone out when I hear it.  I'm pretty blunt in my response to it though.  'Well, I guess we probably won't be getting a lot of things done then...' or 'Looks like we'll get further behind...'

Not really caring if you lose your job right then and there is a fantastic feeling.


I don't doubt I've frustrated the heck out of my managers.   But I'm still here....42 hours a week.


Others can only take advantage of you if you first give them your permission.  Its been a few years since I've done that.


RyanAtTanagra

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2096 on: December 14, 2017, 02:19:04 PM »
(I average 42).  Strange, but we don't get a dime for anything past 40.
....
Others can only take advantage of you if you first give them your permission.  Its been a few years since I've done that.

But why do you continually work 42 hours if you don't get paid for it?  I'd say that's them taking advantage of you.

RedmondStash

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2097 on: December 14, 2017, 03:35:50 PM »
Not really caring if you lose your job right then and there is a fantastic feeling.

...

Others can only take advantage of you if you first give them your permission.  Its been a few years since I've done that.

Amen.

I've worked jobs that had long-term mandatory OT, and all I noticed was a lot of burnt-out people making a lot of mistakes, and often ultimately leaving the company and taking their knowledge and skills with them. Plus it costs $$ to recruit for, hire, and train replacements. Very cost-ineffective solution.

My pushing back on mandatory OT has always surprised people. I think a lot of managers aren't accustomed to employees who actually value themselves and make it a priority to take care of themselves, or who set clear boundaries. Which is strange because it's those who practice self-care who can continue to contribute consistent value indefinitely. I have left jobs because of boundaries I've set being disrespected, and I'm always surprised at how surprised management is when I do that. Maybe it, like FU money, is rare.

I guess even managers lose sight of long-term goals because of pressure for short-term returns. Not unlike some inexperienced investors, I suppose.

woopwoop

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2098 on: December 14, 2017, 11:33:39 PM »
Not as epic as some, but here's a story from when I quit my old job to work on my own business:

I had been managing around a dozen test prep tutors, and had a good relationship with my boss. He was a great boss, really he was, the best I ever had. So I gave him plenty of notice when I decided I wanted to quit - about six months, so that we could transfer my responsibilities to someone else over time. I had been working on a big curriculum project as well as handling all of the high-end clients who wanted "the best tutor you have." I came with a $250/hr price tag, but the clients we had didn't mind paying it.

I'd been working on salary and managing all of the other tutors as well as handling my own students. As the months went by, I finished up the big project. I transitioned the management to the new manager. And then I had two months left and only a handful of students to take care of. My boss came to me and said that since I didn't have the same responsibilities, he wanted to change my pay to hourly, $75/hr. This was a huge pay cut since I only had a few students left, and was only working around ten hours a week.

So I said no.

He hadn't expected this response. Every other tutor was paid $25/hr or so, so he expected me to be thrilled. But I had been expecting my old manager's salary until my quit date, which was still two months away. He didn't want to pay it, he said, because I was no longer doing management stuff. Fair enough.

But still no.

I told him if I had given him a normal two week's notice, he would have been completely screwed, and I felt it was unfair to essentially fire me two months early for getting the transition completed ahead of schedule. Of course, he could fire me, but that would mean a bunch of REALLY angry parents whose students would be losing their "premium" tutor right before the SAT was scheduled. Did he want to do that?

He hemmed and hawed and eventually paid me my manager's salary for two months while I worked happily as a normal tutor with a very light load. And then I quit for good.

My new business did so well that I saved enough to retire in only three years of work. And boom, here we are, and I'm enjoying the FIREd life in my thirties while raising my baby. It wasn't quite an F U, since he was a good guy, but it was epic enough for me :)

LeRainDrop

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Re: Epic FU money stories
« Reply #2099 on: December 15, 2017, 12:48:00 AM »
Hell yeah, MrsWhipple!  I love it!