Lately I've noticed myself pulling back from the hardcore Mustachian lifestyle. When the stay-at-home orders lifted in metro Detroit, at first, spending $30 on gas felt wasteful. I continued going to work by bike as I'd done before. But then over time, I got used to driving again. And actually, the thought of riding a bike on the 5.5 mile trail to work felt like unnecessary, self-hating punishment. Why ride for 30 minutes when I could arrive in 10 minutes by car?
I noticed the same thing across the board: When I went gung-ho with saving every dime I could on groceries, I was eating like shit (canned foods, minimal snacks, same meal every stinking day, and no enjoyment whatsoever). It became punishment! While the weekly bike trips to Aldi brought my grocery receipts to around $18, I felt deprived. Being the emotional creatures we are, we steer away from things that feel bad... whether or not they're technically the correct things to do. And that's what I did: I shunned optimization for ABUNDANCE and pleasure. Not stupidly high grocery bills, but above the threshold of satisfaction.
So I thought I'd reach out and see if any of you had ever experienced something like this before. Did you at one point go too extreme in Mustachianism? If so, how did you tweak your lifestyle to achieve the best of both worlds?
Bonbon - been there - done that!:) It took a while to change my perspective and re-direct my money.
Oh yeah - I went extreme several times and hated - hated - hated it and yes, it felt like punishment and deprivation.
I grew up seeing shopping as a treat, an indulgence, it was a wonderful day out spent with my mother shopping in the city, having lunch together replenishing and updating our wardrobes or hanging out with my friends at an outdoor cafe and buy something that caught my fancy.
Who doesn't like shopping? Many of the MMMrs apparently - to me it was always a joy, the hunt for something new and cool, an enjoyable day that ended with new treasures and feeling grateful that I could "afford" to indulge myself.
So I changed it to window shopping, which hurt at first and only reinforced the feeling of failure and inadequacy and worthlessness - I mean, really, if I can't afford to go out shopping then what sort of financial miscreant am I?:).
Why does it feel like punishment when in reality I am doing a good thing and changing my financial habits for the better?
Even seeing the RL effect on my savings could not cheer me up - I had achieved my new financial goals but I felt miserable.
So I decided to allow myself X to spend so I wouldn't feel entirely deprived, but that "solution" backfired in a weird way.
Since my "fun" budget was so damn small it wasn't "enough" to be meaningful to me - in fact - I felt like I was throwing my money away for unnecessary junk and that wasn't me either.
Finally after much agonizing and self-flagellation I realized two things.
I was OK with a restricted budget for a short time, my breaking point turned out to be three months.
I really wanted to succeed with my goals more than anything.
Solution - I gave myself one month (every three months) to spend instead of save.
It worked like a charm - for three months I had a restrictive, but not extreme budget and every quarter I got to spend instead of save.
Then a funny thing happened. Managing to live without for three months strengthened my financial muscles and instead of spending in the next quarter I would save it up for the next quarter and blow it then - which gave me much satisfaction!
But, sometimes I would actually plow it (or a part of it) into my savings helping me reach my goals faster than planned.
Sweet success!
I do love a challenge and I can be laser focused on my goals willing to do whatever it takes to make them happen, but as a natural spender it was not easy for me to create a new lifestyle that actually worked for me and helped me achieve my goals.
Instead of self-sabotage I found a way to roll with it.
OP your challenges and your goals will be unique, just like you and your lifestyle.
It takes time. Accept that there will be times when it all goes frustratingly slow and everyone else seems to be doing so much better than you.
Find your motivation!
Financial Independence is king, it can never be rated high enough in my book. RE is fungible, some people like their work some have other plans.
The only way to hasten the process is to make good money, but even then it will pay off if you optimize the hell out of everything and question every one of your expenditures and decisions more than once.
If you really want to make this work for you then you need to figure out what your stumbling blocks are and then tackle them.
You have to accept that you can't have it all.
Not right now anyway but perhaps later, especially if you find a way to bring in more money and save more because you honed and improved your optimizing skills.