Do you have a lot of complaint pants friends?

[annod]

As I become more mustachian, I become more aware of the complaint pants attitude many of my friends have....many of them feel stuck in a hole financially, and yet they don't see it as a consequence of their decision ("the system is unfair"... "the Bay Area cost of living is too high", etc) the negativity is so disempowering and literally, it feels like they are drowning in it....It bothers me more and more lately.  I genuinely care about my friends and they are good people and I want to remain friends... ...Whenever I try to make a suggestion, there is always a "but..."
but I do feel drained from the negativity, and feel tired of listening to their complaints.

Am I the only one feeling this? (Sorry of this complaint about complaint pants). Do you find yourself moving away from your complaint pants friends and form new social circle as you become more mustachian? Or do you keep your complaint pants friends, but just not try to get into financial conservation knowing that you won't agree...?

[ACyclist]

I have had them.  They have been since broken up with.  Can't stand to be around negativity.

[Zikoris]

I have in the past, but they tend to drift away. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to point out obvious facts either. Like if a coworker says "Man, I wish I could afford to travel", and they buy coffee and lunch every day, or buy a lot of expensive clothes/shoes, I would definitely point out that they spend as much or more on that as I do on travel.

Life's better with intelligent friends.

[zinnie]

Yes.

I don't generally hold it against them if they are just a little bit complainy-pants about money, because almost everyone I know talks about money that way. (Of course, someone who was really materialistic and therefore had dramatically different values than me would be another story.) To me there are other more important characteristics in a friend than their financial situation. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and theirs don't have to match mine. If you're a good friend you can still listen and show compassion. And hopefully they can do the same for you in areas where they are stronger than you.

But if you mean a person who generally complains about everything, or complains about money all the time--I don't need that kind of negativity in my life and they wouldn't last long as a friend.

[Dollar Slice]

I have three friends that tend to complain about everything. One of them I really like and while he does complain, it tends to be about things that genuinely bother him. He's a little neurotic and he's a pessimist, but it's part of his charm somehow. I feel like we have real conversations and not just one-way whining sessions.

The other two I kind of wish I weren't friends with because they have gotten so annoying. Both make tons more money than me and lead very privileged lives (healthy, wealthy, successful, intelligent, talented, highly-educated, etc.). They seem to have or be able to get anything they want in life. Yet I can't spend time with either of them without them talking my ear off with endless complaints and negativity. One of them is almost impossible to drag into a positive conversation, even if you try to ask him about his favorite things (music, beer, baseball, etc.). The other complains all the time but brags endlessly, so it's like he wants you to think his life is amazing and yet won't stop complaining. Quite a combination.

[SC93]

All of my friends that used to do that stopped doing it when I would tell them in detail how to start their own business and make way more money. Few ever listened but it has shut them up for the most part.... I always act EXCITED for them that they can venture out.

[soccerluvof4]

Many...but as soon as I mention give up that 5$ cup of coffee your holding or talk about saving that pretty much puts an end to the conversation. People want to bitch to at like they care but they dont want to make the simple changes that could impact them immensely.

[undercover]

Not at all, actually. I don't think I've ever had one friend complain about money to me. I think they understand the choice they're making. And if they don't, they're ignorant - which is all the same I guess. Then again, I don't hang out with superficial people who talk about everyday boring things in life like that. When it comes right down to it, talking about money in general is pretty boring and I don't need friends to talk about it with. I like to keep friends who want to engage in deep conversation and thought (and I could care less how they spend their money unless they're asking for genuine advice), otherwise I'll just happily spend my time alone.

[Linea_Norway]

I don't have such friends either. I guess most of my friends (and my family and my colleagues) are quite sensible people who don't get into unnecessary debt.

For the OP: I wouldn't maintain a friendship with the two complainy pants that you find annoying.

[Warlord1986]

No. I drop negative people like hot potatoes. Most of my friends aren't afraid to get a latte, but they have goals and hobbies that don't center around spending money, which I appreciate, support, and am attracted to. Many of my friends are quite frugal, some more so than me. :)

The negative nancys are held at arm's length.

[spokey doke]

I don't spend time with people like that.

I do have one friend who is pretty money focused, and is always talking about some sort of scheme he is working on to save money...or sometimes...how he had to spend more than he wanted to.  But he is far from being full of negativity...

[acroy]

I genuinely care about my friends, and self-centered negative complainy-pants people do not qualify for friendship ;)
Luckily, my core of long-time friends (20+yrs) are all great. We commiserate & support through the rough patches, sure, but none of us are negative 'victim of circumstances' types.

[annod]

Thanks for all the replies. It is interesting to see how you handle these friendships in many different ways. I am making a resolution to fill my social circle with new friends next year who has a positive vibe with a mustachian spirit.
I also realize now what keeps me keep coming back to this forum is not so much about early retirement (even though that is what drew me to MMM in the first place), but that the MMM community is filled with folks who has this "can do" spirit, people who are adaptable and willing to learn, who are smart about making things work for them and have fun doing all sorts of lifestyle changes experiments, who can understand trade-offs in life, and really owning that what their financial circumstances is 20 years from now stem from decisions made today.
So thank you all!