Do you feel you need to earn your way to FI? (Thoughts on gifts/inheritance)

[Holocene]

I'm curious how other mustachians feel about achieving FI by working hard, being frugal, and saving all your own money vs. receiving a large gift or inheritance.  If you received $1M today (or whatever you feel you need to be FI), would you just retire immediately?  Would it matter how old you are and how long you've worked and supported yourself?

I received an inheritance from a relative at the end of last year.  It's no small sum and currently about 25% of my net worth.  I realized today that I've technically hit the FI number I had set for myself if I include this inheritance.  But I'm not counting this money as part of my stash.  It's an inherited IRA so my current plan is to donate most of the RMDs each year.  The rest of the money will be there as a backup/safety net, but I don't want to rely on it.  So I'll likely work another 2-3 years to (somewhat) earn my own way to FIRE. 

For some reason, inheritances just feel wrong to me.  It feels like cheating.  Like I don't deserve this money that someone else worked so hard and saved for.  Am I crazy?  Does anyone else feel like this?  Maybe it helps that I'm relatively young and have only been working full-time for 9 years and don't hate my job so working another couple years isn't so bad.  I'm not mentally ready to RE yet anyway.  If I was in a toxic job, I'm sure I'd feel differently.  I don't have any kids and am not currently planning on having any, but maybe that would change my outlook if I did.  I've also been ridiculously fortunate so far in having college paid for, help with car/house purchases, and fairly large annual gifts from parents.  So I've already been struggling with feeling that I don't deserve what I have anyway.  I am extremely grateful for what I've been given and understand that most people will never get to be in this fortunate situation.

Has anyone else received an inheritance or large gift and felt undeserving of it?  Or did you just add it to your stash and move on?  And if you earned your own way without receiving any financial help, do you feel everyone should have to do that?

[Linea_Norway]

As you mentioned, you have received financial help from your parents before. Life is just very unfair and you are on the lucky side of things. Good for you.

We expect to inherit some money one day. We have more or less reacked our FIRE number already (if the house sells for a decent price). But the inheritance will be an extra safety net in years to come. If we had received it earlier, I would have quit earlier

One issue, in some cases/countries inheritance is personal and not part of the maritial shared NW. Keep in mind that if it is personal for your spouse, you might want to build up enough stash to be good if you ever divorse.

If it bothers you that you have gotten so much help, then you might want to increase your donations to good causes. Then both you and someone else will benefit from it.

[SwordGuy]

Once you've built the character and habits that would support a serious attempt at FIRE, the inheritance doesn't matter.   If you get the inheritance BEFORE that character and those habits are well formed, then it may very well matter.

So, count your blessings, be generous to others, and FIRE when you're ready, monetarily AND spiritually.

[HBFIRE]

I think earning it makes you appreciate it.  Becoming self sufficient and independent is one of the great pleasures in life.  Also, as a wise man once said, it's the chase not the quarry.

[terran]

You made it 75% of the way there on your own, so it was only a matter of time before you got to 100%. I have a hard time seeing what else you would learn or develop in that final 25% -- you're probably just in the autopilot stage at this point. I would accept the gift your loved one has given you and decide what you want to do with yourself now that work is optional.

[Holocene]

Once you've built the character and habits that would support a serious attempt at FIRE, the inheritance doesn't matter.   If you get the inheritance BEFORE that character and those habits are well formed, then it may very well matter.

I like the way you worded this and agree with you.  I don't feel like there's any intrinsic value in work for work's sake.  As you said, it's the building of character and habits that's important and that's hard to do if everything's been given to you on a silver platter vs. having worked and saved for it.  For me, I think it's just so ingrained in me to work hard/save for myself that I'm finding it harder to accept money that I haven't worked for.

If it bothers you that you have gotten so much help, then you might want to increase your donations to good causes. Then both you and someone else will benefit from it.

Thanks for your thoughts.  I feel at peace with my approach of keeping the money I've been given as a safety net and donating RMDs each year and possibly more if I feel like it.  I was mostly just curious how others felt on the issue.

[Holocene]

I think earning it makes you appreciate it.  Becoming self sufficient and independent is one of the great pleasures in life.  Also, as a wise man once said, it's the chase not the quarry.

Yes, I definitely agree.  Money that I've earned just feels different to me than money I've been given!  Then again, once it's all added into the same investment account, it doesn't matter anymore I guess.

[powskier]

Money is just a tool. A tool that allows people to not "have to" work, a tool that can make it easier to live the lives we prefer. To me whether money was hard earned or investment returns or a gift or found in the street doesn't matter, it's just money.
You know how to work and how to save, great.
I'm curious as to why you might think/feel that non earned money is somehow "less than" earned money? It is inherently the same thing, only your judgements/ideas/beliefs make one different from the other. I think in these cases the value is in figuring out if this belief is made of your own motivation or just some indoctrination from family or culture.
Personally I would be more inclined to just see the money as a tool and ask myself what I would like to use said tool for. Focus on the life you want to lead not on the money or where/how it happened.

[Zikoris]

I 100% do not give a shit where my FIRE fund comes from and will not work one day longer than I need to.

[Holocene]

You made it 75% of the way there on your own, so it was only a matter of time before you got to 100%. I have a hard time seeing what else you would learn or develop in that final 25% -- you're probably just in the autopilot stage at this point. I would accept the gift your loved one has given you and decide what you want to do with yourself now that work is optional.

Thanks for your thoughts.  I agree that I'm not going to learn anything new by earning the rest myself.  I've definitely been on autopilot for a while now with regards to saving/investing.  I'm not worried about that aspect.  It's more that it feels unfair (obviously in a good way) that I should just receive some large sum of money without having done anything to earn it.  When I learned of this inheritance, I decided that I'd keep it separate with the plan to donate it all assuming I don't end up needing it (like if my job gets terrible in the next few years or healthcare gets super expensive or a 3.5% WR fails or life is just more expensive than I plan).  I already struggle with the idea of retiring so young when I could stay working and donate boatloads of money.  Why should I get to relax all day when there are people in the world who don't have clean water, food to eat, shelter, or freedom?  So I'm happy with this compromise of donating the money that doesn't feel like mine anyway in memory of my loved ones who gave it to me and working the rest of my way to FI.  I was just curious if any others felt the same way about receiving large gifts, but it seems like most say take the money and run!

[Holocene]

Money is just a tool. A tool that allows people to not "have to" work, a tool that can make it easier to live the lives we prefer. To me whether money was hard earned or investment returns or a gift or found in the street doesn't matter, it's just money.
You know how to work and how to save, great.
I'm curious as to why you might think/feel that non earned money is somehow "less than" earned money? It is inherently the same thing, only your judgements/ideas/beliefs make one different from the other. I think in these cases the value is in figuring out if this belief is made of your own motivation or just some indoctrination from family or culture.
Personally I would be more inclined to just see the money as a tool and ask myself what I would like to use said tool for. Focus on the life you want to lead not on the money or where/how it happened.

Interesting questions.  For some reason, investment returns feel ok to me.  I worked for the money, then invested it wisely, so it still feels like I earned any gains the investments make.  I understand that money is money, it's fungible, it's a tool, etc.  I just feel better having worked for it rather than been given it.  I never really thought to question why I feel that way.  I just sort of assumed that's how everyone felt!  I think it's mainly just wanting to be self-sufficient and not needing others to support me.  But you've given me a lot to think about, so thanks!

[We be free if we try]

I agree that money is a tool, and a very important one, in that it can help you do what you came here to do. It has nothing to do with how the money was acquired. Are you here in order to earn extra money in order to donate it? Or, Do you have something more important or meaningful to offer the world, whether it makes money or not? Seems we on earth need all the help we can get these days, and if you have the power (I.e., the money) to spend your time, skills, and energy doing whatever it is that makes you feel like you were born to do it, then that is the highest use of this money.

The hard (and fun) part is the inner search and experimentation required to figure out what....

[EndlessJourney]

For some reason, inheritances just feel wrong to me.  It feels like cheating.  Like I don't deserve this money that someone else worked so hard and saved for.  Am I crazy?  Does anyone else feel like this?

Not entirely the same scenario, but I have a friend who comes from a very rich family. Officially works in the family business, but he told me that his position isn't essential, and if he doesn't go into work, he'll still get paid. His house, cars and vacations are all covered by family money.

He confided in me that he feels unhappy that his family's wealth has hampered his ambition and drive to carve out his own niche. He feels undeserving of everything he's received, but because his life is so comfortable, it's difficult for him to find the self-impetus and motivation to crawl out from under the family's shield of money and build something more with it.

He says that every day he accepts money from his family to just exist makes him feel smaller and less accomplished than others who have struggled and succeeded on their own.

I feel bad for him.

[Bloop Bloop]

I generally think it's cheating. My parents have about $6m in assets and offered to pay me and my partner $400k towards our "dream home" (we do not intend to buy any such "dream home" anyway, as their idea of a home budget way exceeds ours) and we gratefully declined. I would rather get there myself. Otherwise life is way too boring.

[efree]

I don't think it would matter to me if the amount of money was below 30% of my FI number because if I got more than 70% by myself I would feel confident in my choices and money management skills.

If the amount was bigger than 30%, I think it would take me some time to get comfortable with it, integrate it into my plans and so on. Maybe I would set aside some part of it for charity.

[Monocle Money Mouth]

I don’t think it’s cheating to receive an inheritance. Be grateful that the person that left the money to you thought well enough of you to leave it for you.

You’ve built up good financial habits. It doesn’t sound like you are going to squander it on fancy cars, gadgets, and houses you can’t afford. Count it as part of your stash, enjoy it, and be a good steward of it.

[Holocene]

I agree that money is a tool, and a very important one, in that it can help you do what you came here to do. It has nothing to do with how the money was acquired. Are you here in order to earn extra money in order to donate it? Or, Do you have something more important or meaningful to offer the world, whether it makes money or not? Seems we on earth need all the help we can get these days, and if you have the power (I.e., the money) to spend your time, skills, and energy doing whatever it is that makes you feel like you were born to do it, then that is the highest use of this money.

The hard (and fun) part is the inner search and experimentation required to figure out what....

Maybe that's the problem.  I don't believe I was "born to" do anything.  I am happy to be alive and have plenty of passions and hobbies.  But none of these really translate to helping make the world better and I'm not sure that any amount of soul searching would change that.  I plan to be pretty selfish when I retire, enjoying my limited time on this earth doing what I love.  Maybe something beneficial to the world will come out of that naturally, but I'm not counting on it.  I hope to volunteer and donate as I can as well, but I'd likely do more good for the world by continuing to work at my current lucrative job after I'm FI and donating the money.  I'm not planning to do that since I value my own time greatly.  Donating money I didn't work for and didn't plan on receiving feels like a good compromise to me.

[Holocene]

Not entirely the same scenario, but I have a friend who comes from a very rich family. Officially works in the family business, but he told me that his position isn't essential, and if he doesn't go into work, he'll still get paid. His house, cars and vacations are all covered by family money.

He confided in me that he feels unhappy that his family's wealth has hampered his ambition and drive to carve out his own niche. He feels undeserving of everything he's received, but because his life is so comfortable, it's difficult for him to find the self-impetus and motivation to crawl out from under the family's shield of money and build something more with it.

He says that every day he accepts money from his family to just exist makes him feel smaller and less accomplished than others who have struggled and succeeded on their own.

I feel bad for him.

Interesting.  I feel bad for him too.  That's sounds miserable!  I hope he's able to find his own path in life apart from his family's wealth.  Can he take on more responsibilities at the family business to feel like he's actually contributing?  Or if he's not interested in that, save up that money he's been getting and just take a leap into the unknown and try something completely new, knowing the he has a backup if he fails.  Continuing as is does not sound like it'd lead to a very happy life, despite having everything he needs. I'm glad to have been given the chance to make my own way, for the most part, and also extremely fortunate to have been helped along the way.

[APowers]

As another perspective, one of the things that keeps me driven on the path to FIRE are the haters. People who say stuff like "it's impossible for people to get ahead" and "life is too expensive" and "low income people are just enslaved by the 1%" and "our generation has no hope" (I'm 31, so "millenial"). If I were to take an inheritance and immediately retire on the strength of that, it steals from me a way to turn the scoffers on their head.

And that's important to me. Petty? Probably. But to tell a complainer off for being broke because they spend too much is a whole different scenario when they look at me and say "yeah, well, you just got all your money from your parents. You're just another rich, entitled white dude who has nothing relevant to say to us poor people." I'm not up for that, just because I happened to inherit some money.

[Metalcat]

That sounds like some weird puritanical logic.

Life isn't fair. It just isn't.
Take the good, take the bad, live your best life. If you are thinking this way, it implies to me that you've been incredibly fortunate so far not to have experienced much of the utterly unfair horrible shit that life often has to offer.

Me? You could give me any sum you want and it still wouldn't make a dent in offsetting the unfair bad shit.

You never know what life has in store, but don't worry, chances are you will face some incredibly unfair challenges along the way that will even it out for you and make you feel like your windfall is fair.

Enjoy your money, enjoy your life. Anything less is wasteful.

[APowers]

That sounds like some weird puritanical logic.

Life isn't fair. It just isn't.
Take the good, take the bad, live your best life. If you are thinking this way, it implies to me that you've been incredibly fortunate so far not to have experienced much of the utterly unfair horrible shit that life often has to offer.

Me? You could give me any sum you want and it still wouldn't make a dent in offsetting the unfair bad shit.

You never know what life has in store, but don't worry, chances are you will face some incredibly unfair challenges along the way that will even it out for you and make you feel like your windfall is fair.

Enjoy your money, enjoy your life. Anything less is wasteful.

I'm not saying I wouldn't take any money offered to me, whether inheritance or lottery or gift or whatever. I don't think I would ever say no to free money, lol! But it would be important to me, psychologically, to "do it myself". At this point, it's almost moot, because I'm just about there (mayyybe another year or so?). So Ż\_(ツ)_/Ż

I realize that "life isn't fair", but that doesn't stop the haters from hating. I'm intending to work to deflect some of that criticism from being able to land on me, is all I'm saying.

[LightStache]

I'm expecting a decent inheritance and, while I'm not counting on it financially,  it does factor into my behavior. I feel like if I have to achieve and demonstrate financial independence before receiving the inheritance because then I'll have made it on my own. If the inheritance causes me to go FI or RE, then I see it as a handout. It's a little bit of judgment from myself and a little bit of concern about judgment from others.

[Metalcat]

That sounds like some weird puritanical logic.

Life isn't fair. It just isn't.
Take the good, take the bad, live your best life. If you are thinking this way, it implies to me that you've been incredibly fortunate so far not to have experienced much of the utterly unfair horrible shit that life often has to offer.

Me? You could give me any sum you want and it still wouldn't make a dent in offsetting the unfair bad shit.

You never know what life has in store, but don't worry, chances are you will face some incredibly unfair challenges along the way that will even it out for you and make you feel like your windfall is fair.

Enjoy your money, enjoy your life. Anything less is wasteful.

I'm not saying I wouldn't take any money offered to me, whether inheritance or lottery or gift or whatever. I don't think I would ever say no to free money, lol! But it would be important to me, psychologically, to "do it myself". At this point, it's almost moot, because I'm just about there (mayyybe another year or so?). So Ż\_(ツ)_/Ż

I realize that "life isn't fair", but that doesn't stop the haters from hating. I'm intending to work to deflect some of that criticism from being able to land on me, is all I'm saying.

Deleted my previous post because I thought you were the OP.

Re-writing something now.

[startbyservingothers]

or fun let me make a counter argument.

Companies tend to make a lot of their money off low wage employees.  (More true for service companies, but even big technology companies have to have receptionists, janitors, etc.)  They may even lay off many of those employees to save money for their investors as technology progresses. 

There's a strong argument that using your inherited money for your best benefit and purpose is at least if not more so good, ethical, etc.  because you are honoring their wishes. 

---  Note:  this is an exercise only .  I invest in the stock market like most others here, but the point is that you can argue for or against anything if you try hard enough.    I can see your point though -  wealth passing between generations certainly provides an unfair advantage between the rich and the poor.  Personally I see no reason that it should make you feel less validated to retire early if you wanted,  especially when it is such a small percentage of your wealth.  Are you certain this isn't some sort of self-justification?  You aren't ready to retire just yet,  or you are looking for another reason justify upping your needed nest egg amount?

[Metalcat]

That sounds like some weird puritanical logic.

Life isn't fair. It just isn't.
Take the good, take the bad, live your best life. If you are thinking this way, it implies to me that you've been incredibly fortunate so far not to have experienced much of the utterly unfair horrible shit that life often has to offer.

Me? You could give me any sum you want and it still wouldn't make a dent in offsetting the unfair bad shit.

You never know what life has in store, but don't worry, chances are you will face some incredibly unfair challenges along the way that will even it out for you and make you feel like your windfall is fair.

Enjoy your money, enjoy your life. Anything less is wasteful.

[Warning, the cat is extra feisty today due to extreme pain]

I'm not saying I wouldn't take any money offered to me, whether inheritance or lottery or gift or whatever. I don't think I would ever say no to free money, lol! But it would be important to me, psychologically, to "do it myself". At this point, it's almost moot, because I'm just about there (mayyybe another year or so?). So Ż\_(ツ)_/Ż

I realize that "life isn't fair", but that doesn't stop the haters from hating. I'm intending to work to deflect some of that criticism from being able to land on me, is all I'm saying.

[Warning, the cat is extra feisty today due to extreme pain]

First, who are these people judging you and why the fuck do you care what they think? It's a total waste of time to do anything in life with the intention of avoiding judgement from people, because people are going to judge you no matter what you do.
People judge. They just do.

As for the whole "do it yourself" concept, well, it's predicated on the assumption that you did it all without enormous luck and advantage in the first place, which is patently wrong.
Sure, hard work is part of your success, but not as much as whatever advantages you had along the way. Are you able bodied? Are you intelligent? Was your childhood free of severe abuse? If yes to any of the above, CONGRATS! You have huge advantages in life! Inheritance would just be another form of advantage.

Success is what you do with the advantages that you have.
Olympic athletes aren't made through hard work, they're made through hard work applied to bodies with superior athletic genetics.

Having advantages doesn't devalue anything. On the flip side, don't discount the myriad advantages you've been given in life when tallying your accomplishments and attributing them solely to your own effort, because that's just nonsense.

When I say that life isn't fair, I don't just mean that unfair bad things happen, I also mean that unfair good things happen. Do you fundamentally feel entitled to all of the good and advantages that you have in life?
If you do...you might want to rethink that.

There's also absolutely nothing admirable about continuing to work when you have the option not to, unless working really is part of your best life.

There's no guarantee you will be alive in a few years. There's no guarantee you will be healthy. There's no guarantee that you won't experience some form of trauma that plagues you with PTSD and makes it impossible for you to do all of those things you dreamed of in FIRE.

That means that if you have the means to live your best life and choose not to...well, then people like me are going to shake our damn heads, and yes, judge you (see what I did there?)

Why will I judge you?
Because I put off living any form of enjoyable life for many years for the sake of accomplishing great things. Then I accomplished them (Yay me?) and then got hit with health issues so severe that I can't benefit from what I've accomplished. So I can say with full confidence and authority that that shit is 100% overrated.

So what do I get for my great accomplishments??
Um...bragging rights about some shit I did in the past that really, no one gives a flying fuck about.

That's the thing about accomplishments. At the end of the day, they're not much more than some shit you once did.
They mean nothing compared to what you do now and what you will do.

So to summarize
-Fuck what people think
-Be grateful for every goddamn advantage you get in life because there's more than enough horror potentially in store for you
-Dont go walking around assuming that your life is this good solely because you earned it
-Inherited money is no different from income money, it's just money you have that you can use to try and live your best life

[RedmondStash]

Malkynn makes some good points.

I would add that it seems like we're shuffling around an unasked question here: OP, what are your goals as a person? Do you want to have enough money to secure your future? Do you want to give back to the world? Do you want to develop more direct empathy for people by going through more types of suffering? Do you want to party every day and every night? Do you want to experience as much of the world as possible? Do you want to broaden your mind and your thinking? Do you want to be a Good Person, and if so, what specifically makes someone a Good Person in your view?

Basically, the question of whether or not you're cheating depends on the game you're playing. Define the game, and you'll have your answer.

It sounds like you're young, and maybe still a little unformed. (We all are when we're young.) You want to pull your own weight. But yeah, separating out this inheritance from all the other advantages (and disadvantages) you've already experienced is artificial. FWIW, I think it's kind of you to want to donate the RMDs to charities.

I would say take some time to figure out who you want to be in the world, and what kind of life you really want to live. You don't have to jump into that immediately -- life has its pragmatic concerns -- but once you know what you're aiming for, it's easier to make decisions along the way that push you in that direction. Maybe you'll end up working for a charity, or in politics, trying to enact policy changes. Maybe you'll rise to the top of a field and change people's lives from there.

I don't think any of us really earn our way to FI, not on our own. And that's okay. None of us lives alone on a desert island.

If the question is, "What do we owe to each other?" then I'd say watch The Good Place. :)

[Hula Hoop]

I 100% do not give a shit where my FIRE fund comes from and will not work one day longer than I need to.

That's exactly how I feel.  I occasionally buy lottery tickets and if I won the lottery I'd be giving my notice the next day.  I don't care if it's "fair" of not.

[Metalcat]

Thanks for your thoughts.  I feel at peace with my approach of keeping the money I've been given as a safety net and donating RMDs each year and possibly more if I feel like it.  I was mostly just curious how others felt on the issue.

Honest question: why do you care?

If you find out that people think poorly of your for retiring due to privilege, does it actually matter??

If you really want to know though, people like me who never had any financial advantages aren't likely to judge you for having them.

I'll judge the shit out of you if you waste them though.

[debbie does duncan]

As I understand ....you have had this gift for almost a year and still are uncomfortable with it. Try to remember it was given to you in hopes that it can help your life be better.  Does it have to do with other emotions you are dealing with in the death of this person ? I believe over time you may feel differently . If you still enjoy your job....great. Stay with it until you are ready to let it go and try something else. Keep your gift and use ir when and if you need it.

Had I been gifted a large sum, yes I would have retired.

[mancityfan]

As Malkynn stated, never live your life based on the opinions and judgements of others, that is a recipe for not fulfilling your own dreams. Forget the opinion of others, you are on this Earth for such a short time. The fact that you have a good job, presumably your health, and have been diligent in saving, pretty much makes you one of the very fortunate few on the planet. Live a good life, take the rough with the smooth, and treat others well. Even after all that, if you look for them, you will still find those that judge you, that would not go away.

[BicycleB]

I understand wanting to have "earned it". Yes, a stash earned entirely on your own feels cleaner.

I agree with the posters who said inheritance is just one form of privilege, and disregarding the others is morally unwise.

As far as "need", no. You "need" to be healthy and proud of yourself, and that may require some level of contribution to others. I think some contribution to others can be healthy whether you inherit or not. So can being relaxed, free or mostly free from guilt, and happy with what you have.

Like you, when the above things are in order, I expect the "extra" to go eventually to charity. I think the right balance is to give some now or very soon, if at all possible, but then to keep enough for yourself and give away a solid chunk when you die. If you end up with excess beyond those things, give ASAP when you find appriopriate donation opportunities. Time wise, I think the claims are similar - the joys of freedom are wonderful; when you have the option, enjoy it; at some point, and especially where the are particularly good opportunities, contribute.

Time wise, you can try enjoying your freedom for a while and see what happens. After that, you can make adjustments to ensure your results are moral by whatever standards you have. You might find you're naturally on course. I once started a local activity and ended up with eight years of volunteering. In fact, I may have just started the third such adventure. Use your freedom to explore.

[Wrenchturner]

Once you've built the character and habits that would support a serious attempt at FIRE, the inheritance doesn't matter.   If you get the inheritance BEFORE that character and those habits are well formed, then it may very well matter.

So, count your blessings, be generous to others, and FIRE when you're ready, monetarily AND spiritually.

Pretty much this.  Besides, being born in a civilized country in the 21st century is the biggest inheritance of all.

[Bloop Bloop]

There is difference between privilege and a hand-out.

You might call being born with a high IQ into a stable family a privilege. It's certainly an unearned advantage. But it's worth nothing of itself. You still have to use that IQ and that education to get somewhere. Sure, you're armed with a skill advantage in the game of life but you still have to win the matches. Even Michael Jordan, as genetically blessed as he was, still had to practise lots in order to become a good baller.

An inheritance which you then use and expend takes away the game entirely.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't take an inheritance or that you should necessarily do A or B or C. But if you're anything like me, it may be of some intrinsic worth - not based on others' expectations, but based on your own - to know that you played the game yourself.

Others might say "well if you have good IQ and good upbringing any fool can win the game, so why play?' but that to me seems a strange view. You play to win, because you enjoy it.

Not everyone cares about that - but many people, on and off these forums, do.

[Billy D]

A lot of good commentary in this thread and it seems we are in somewhat similar situations.

In my early 30's, I inherited a significant estate when my mother and grandmother died within a short time of eachother.

I was nowhere near my FIRE goal and the inheritance pushed me well over the edge. Afterwards, I worked for the next year and a half, and for the last year I've not been working.  I was working as a web developer and instructor and while I could tolerate it, I didn't particularly care for it beyond making a living.

I'm sure there is some benefit in knowing that I proved myself professionally even if I didn't apply myself all the way to normal retirement. Part of me would like to revel in the fact that I had 'earned it' but I also know the bullshit that would entail: the meetings, the egos, the silly jockeying, company politics, etc.

I've been nagged by similar feelings of guilt and the obvious unfairness of it all. I cope by acknowledging that life is inherently unfair: some of us are born into good families, some of us are smarter, some of us are more athletic, some of us are more likeable, some of us have more robust physical and mental health, some of us are born in the right location, some of us get to know the right people, some of us are better looking, and some of us come into wealth through family or investments.

I've decided that I will enjoy my good financial fortune, not spend it recklessly, not rub it in the face of others, and indulge in responsible, productive leisure rather than dedicate my vital energies toward things that don't engage me.

I no longer feel bad for not having earned it, and — this may sound snobby — better me than most. The majority of folks can't even stay out of consumer debt...

While the positives far outweigh the negatives, I have found that there are some notable downsides to such an inheritance.

Nearly everyone else is occupied with work and work-related concerns and nearly everyone else has financial anxieties of one type or another. Whereas I used to feel worn down by my job, these days I feel listless and unfocused at times, especially when I'm not diligent with giving myself tasks and structure to my day. I also no longer enjoy the slight status bump and ego gratification that comes from being employed and being competent in my job.

That's a small price to pay for being lucky and unconventional, but seeing that I don't have to deal with the nonsense that comes with full-time employment and a neurotic work culture, I'm willing to pay it.

[use2betrix]

You made it 75% of the way there on your own, so it was only a matter of time before you got to 100%. I have a hard time seeing what else you would learn or develop in that final 25% -- you're probably just in the autopilot stage at this point. I would accept the gift your loved one has given you and decide what you want to do with yourself now that work is optional.

Not to be an asshole here, but even compared to most, I wouldn’t say the OP made it 75% of the way on their own. He/she had college paid for, help with house purchase/car/large annual sums of gifts.

Sure, everyone has “some” help in life in some way. They were given food as a child, clothes, etc. The above, however, does seem quite a bit above the norm.

Aside from that, I absolutely do not think the OP should turn down the gifts, the inheritance, etc., or feel guilty about any of it! Someone would be stupid to turn down a gift from a family member who truly has the money to give and with the best intentions. Not only that, clearly the OP has been responsible with their money, savings, investing, etc. A LOT of people in those situations just blow through every single dollar. I know quite a few like that.

I am often curious on the forum when people talk about goals they have achieved that don’t make sense, yet they don’t really post up the whole story.. Seems like there are a lot of posts along the lines of... “I am 26 and make $55k/yr. I graduated college at 22 and my net worth is $375k.”

[terran]

You made it 75% of the way there on your own, so it was only a matter of time before you got to 100%. I have a hard time seeing what else you would learn or develop in that final 25% -- you're probably just in the autopilot stage at this point. I would accept the gift your loved one has given you and decide what you want to do with yourself now that work is optional.

Not to be an asshole here, but even compared to most, I wouldn’t say the OP made it 75% of the way on their own. He/she had college paid for, help with house purchase/car/large annual sums of gifts.

Sure, everyone has “some” help in life in some way. They were given food as a child, clothes, etc. The above, however, does seem quite a bit above the norm.

Ok, sure. That wasn't really my point. By that argument anyone born in a 1st world country started 99% of the way to FI.

My point was that they've already reached a point where FI is almost inevitable and this inheritance that represents only 25% of their wealth just speeds things up a bit and cuts out some of the waiting. They probably don't really gain anything ("character" or whatever) from having to wait a little while longer while the machine they've already built does its work.

[Ynari]

A lot of people spend a windfall...  I'm curious about what the "need to earn it" paradigm thinks of doing anything with a windfall, be it buying a new car, donating to charity, or spending it all on vices. Is there anything acceptable to do with that money? Did you even earn the "warm glow" you got from donating to charity?

I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm honestly trying to figure out if inheritances are inherently (lol) problematic in this way. If you have choices ranging from "outright wasteful" to "fulfilling personal goals" to "completely selfless"... should you not be allowed to feel some satisfaction in the choice you made?

[Holocene]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.  It's been very interesting to read all the different perspectives.  I'm not sure exactly what I wanted to get out of this.  I hadn't seen this issue discussed much around here and was genuinely curious as to what other similarly minded people thought about it.  I didn't really mean for it to be about my specific situation.  I only shared that to give context to where my thoughts were on this matter and why it's been on my mind.

It's not that I'm worried about what someone will think if they learn I retired from inherited money.  I'm not worried about others judging me.  I'm judging myself.  And I feel better having earned my money rather than been gifted it.  I thought a lot of people on this forum would feel the same, but it seems the consensus has been mostly the opposite.  So that makes me question why I feel the way I do and if I still think I'm doing the right thing for myself.  I appreciate everyone's responses and they've given me a lot to think about.

[obstinate]

I don't have a solid opinion because I know that's not going to happen. I make more in a year than my parents are likely to leave me. Also, I hope I'll be pretty old before that money would be coming, so either way, I won't see it for a while. That being said . . .

I have some friends who are working hard and earning it. But their parents have also started the process of transferring their inheritance to them already. (This is something people often do when they are filthy rich.) One guy I know has already received >$5M from his parents. This is on top of him already killing it at work and probably having around that much saved up on his own. Another guy I know basically took out a $1M mortgage on a tear down and his pre-inheritance was that dad paid for the (extremely fancy) rebuild.

I have nothing against either of these dudes. Given their skills, they will eventually earn enough that they could have done whatever this money enables on their own, because they're badasses in highly demanded roles. Not that it matters if they do or don't. It's their money.

But I will confess, if I may, to being slightly envious. I mean, it would be nice to have that backstop, right? It would be absurd for me to complain considering I'm rich beyond what most Americans can hope to achieve. But, nothing's so good it can't be made better, right? I would absolutely be happy to rely more upon my parents' wealth if they had more to offer.

My suggestion, though, is to never speak to anyone about this in your personal life. At a minimum, never disclose it to anyone who you do not know for a fact is wealthier than you. It's not that your friends would judge you, but it might make them feel a little less good about their own lots in life. You don't want that.

[undercover]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.  It's been very interesting to read all the different perspectives.  I'm not sure exactly what I wanted to get out of this.  I hadn't seen this issue discussed much around here and was genuinely curious as to what other similarly minded people thought about it.  I didn't really mean for it to be about my specific situation.  I only shared that to give context to where my thoughts were on this matter and why it's been on my mind.

It's not that I'm worried about what someone will think if they learn I retired from inherited money.  I'm not worried about others judging me.  I'm judging myself.  And I feel better having earned my money rather than been gifted it.  I thought a lot of people on this forum would feel the same, but it seems the consensus has been mostly the opposite.  So that makes me question why I feel the way I do and if I still think I'm doing the right thing for myself.  I appreciate everyone's responses and they've given me a lot to think about.

That's true. I too am a bit surprised by the responses. I think you would have received much different answers years ago. I think as long as you are able to use the money productively now though, then it doesn't really matter.

Money will come and go but really I think you need to be motivated by things other than money to sustain long-term happiness anyway. I personally think AI will replace most jobs and humans won't even really think about money in the not-so-distant future. It's already happening in many ways. At some point, people will have to find reasons to live other than money. I think we need to be thinking in that way right now. So really, it doesn't matter where the money comes from because society is going to go through a massive paradigm shift in how we view our own existence sooner than later.

More parents are helping kids more and more nowadays because they can. They've built and sustained wealth so that they can pass it down and so that hopefully the next generation doesn't have to work as hard and can instead focus on bigger and better things than simply grinding and surviving. "Inheritance" and "retirement" weren't really a thing for the masses up until relatively recently in human history so it only makes sense that becoming a more automated and productive society will lead to less overall dependence on "money" and more dependence on "purpose".

So yeah...I don't think the focus should be so much with where the money came from because I think that's pretty irrelevant.  What's more important is what purpose it/you are going to serve.

[happy]

I was very close to my number, and on prolonged leave at half pay, whilst awaiting a DA approval for a subdivision.....I needed to go back to work after that to know for sure the deal could be done, and secondly to cash-flow the requirements for the DA...seemingly endless. Once the property was subdivided off and sold I would have been definitely  FI and retired. Just a matter of time.

My mother died unexpectedly leaving me with a sufficient ( but not enormous) inheritance which would see the project through. I knew it would come sometime, but never counted on it at all, because of concerns re aged care costs etc/ counting my chickens etc/ and because it just seemed downright callous to be running calculations based on my parents death.. I was 60 years of age, worked hard all my life, had all but made it on my own, survived some really bad shit in my life and singled parented from when my kids were very young.  So I accepted it gratefully and gracefully.  Although it was not in the will, and I don't believe too much in the way of handouts to kids, I chose also to honour some of my parents expressed wishes... a small gift to both my kids ( they said they didn't want them to think they had been left out and nominated a sum and I indicated I was in agreement according to circumstances), and money towards payment of HECS (university fees).. I decided this would happen only for completed degrees.

If my circumstances were different, I might respond differently, but as it is I am grateful and happy;).

[Metalcat]

So, there's a reason for the distinct divide in opinions and it comes down to one very simple core perspective.

A focus on money as the goal vs a focus on life as a goal.

This whole focus on earning the money yourself really puts a spotlight on the money itself, which, imo is rather silly, as money is just a tool for living your best life.

OP, if you're feeling guilty about your privilege, then an inheritance is the perfect opportunity for you to look closely at your life and maybe shift your focus to doing things that provide you with more meaning and more sense that you are doing good in the world.

In my world, virtually everyone I know is highly educated, highly successful, and has accomplished very very impressive things. That's all nice and good for them, but at the end of the day, some of them are fucking assholes, some of them are lovely, some of them do more meaningful work, while some of them are unethical as hell.

They're all just people, and their level of financial success has very very little bearing on their value as people to society.

So instead of agonizing over the feeling that you didn't earn FIRE all by yourself, which really really doesn't matter, why don't you put your newfound freedom and energy into being the kind of person in the world who you think should deserve the kind of gifts you've been given?

Your guilt puts way too much focus on money itself, and money isn't anything in and of itself, it is simply a tool and a placeholder for time and energy.

You've been given a boost of free time and energy.
What matters is what you choose to do with it. 

[Milizard]

OP, I feel you. I inherited low 6 figures from my dad about 8 years ago  i always saved well, but never earned much, so this doubled my savings.  Most of it was in an inherited IRA, so I only take the RMDs there. At first, I would simply take the RMD, and put the money in my own Roth. As my mom needed way too much care for me to handle while my DH and I both worked full time and having our own small kids, I quit my job for what I thought would be 1 year. Then, I used the few thousand to supplement our income a little. As the year stretched into 5, I used some other inheritance not inside the IRA to help patch the holes in our budget as we needed to replace 2 really old cars with a couple used vehicles. The inheritance got us by, and I never got more than the RMDs out of the IRA.

My feeling is that my dad worked and saved his whole life to amass that money to go be to his kids, and I wasn't going to blow it on stupid shit. It was used to help me take care of my mother, which he would have wanted, as well as to make my own family more secure, which he also would have wanted. As you may surmise, I feel a bit beholden to his memory due to this money.

 Now back to work, and the break really hurt my career, so to speak. I didn't realize the job I quit was better than anything I'd be able to get after the break, though  making slightly more on an hourly basis now. 

I inherited much less from my mother passed after several months paying for a nursing home when I just couldn't do it any more. I feel like I more than earned that money, though, and plan to use it to remodel my kitchen, the funds earmarked for which having been spent on those new used cars previously mentioned. I'm also starting a college fund for my kids with some of it.

TLDR:. Really complicated feelings happened with the inheritance.

[Irene]

I am in this situation. And yes, I do find it somewhat emotionally complicated. Money you didn't earn just doesn't feel the same as money you earned. And knowing that you've had huge advantages over other people is a complicated feeling. As others on this thread have mentioned, I have to remind myself that life isn't fair--I was born with certain advantages, but of course I did not draw the long straw in every single aspect of life. We all just do the best we can with what we're given.

I also have to remind myself that many people do just blow the money on whatever strikes their fancy. The fact that I'm investing it for my own future and potentially will end up giving some of it away means that I'm being thoughtful about it, at least.

[HBFIRE]

For those saying money is just a tool, I think this oversimplifies it.

Genetically, we are wired as animals to get our own resources.  Something is lost when we no longer need to get our own resources, as it's wired within us to perform this task and it's part of the definition of being animals.  This is why the person mentioned above felt depressed when everything was given to him -- the brain feels unfulfilled not accomplishing what it's designed to do.  I know that's entering some heavy philosophical discussion, but it's something to consider.  There was recently a study that shows people actually die younger when the brain thinks it no longer needs to perform certain tasks, it literally just starts shutting down -- one of these is getting resources (another interestingly was caring for another person such as a child or a spouse, this may be the reason it's so common for older people to die soon after their loved one passes).  We can "trick" the brain by doing things that that seem like work (i.e. play games, puzzles, hobbies, etc), but ultimately it needs to feel like it's accomplishing what it's genetically wired to do.  Working for resources with accomplishment gives the brain the feedback it needs on a biological level.  Ideally of course we find work that is enjoyable and fulfilling, and FI makes it easier to accomplish this.  Basically my point is, don't undervalue the deep rooted importance of self reliance when it comes to building resources.

[Bloop Bloop]

It's not just self-reliance. It's also self-satisfaction. Some people are driven to succeed in a given endeavour and, whilst success does not require nor does it necessarily correlate with money, if you work in certain professions like law or finance where money is the main unit of value, then career success does often come with money. Being given enough money that your ambition dies out a little can affect that drive for success.

I am in this situation. And yes, I do find it somewhat emotionally complicated. Money you didn't earn just doesn't feel the same as money you earned. And knowing that you've had huge advantages over other people is a complicated feeling. As others on this thread have mentioned, I have to remind myself that life isn't fair--I was born with certain advantages, but of course I did not draw the long straw in every single aspect of life. We all just do the best we can with what we're given.

I also have to remind myself that many people do just blow the money on whatever strikes their fancy. The fact that I'm investing it for my own future and potentially will end up giving some of it away means that I'm being thoughtful about it, at least.

I guess one way of looking at it is that an innate advantage like intelligence or attractiveness is less likely to change or evaporate over time than a contingent advantage like the financial generosity of a benefactor. After all you can only get so many inheritances.

[Omy]

I've had 2 relatively small inheritances that totaled $50k. I was honored that my relatives thought of me, and I promptly put it toward paying down my mortgage. One of my siblings bought a nice boat with their share. I don't think either of us regrets our decision.

At some point there may be another $100kish inheritance, but it won't make much difference now that I'm FIREd. I would rather that relative live their best life than leave a penny to me. If I do end up with that inheritance, I love the idea of giving it to charitable causes. Or I might buy a Tesla. ; )

[Metalcat]

Being driven to succeed and to be self reliant is not the same as being driven to earn your own money.

That's a construct that people choose to adopt for themselves. Any link of money to evolutionary drives is 100% a social construct, and therefore 100% optional.

[ender]

First anyone hitting FIRE almost assuredly has societal advantages throughout their childhood that many do not have.

That pretty much is the basis for any feeling of guilt that you might have. Everyone should be able to imagine people less advantaged than you. What amount of guilt would you feel if say you were born with a $10M stash? What about not having to pay for college? What about having parents engaged in your school? What about having parents not in jail and both alive? What about having any parent? Etc.

You can always go back somewhere and find people who are going to have been considerably worse off than you. 

How you deal with that is up to you.

[SwordGuy]

First anyone hitting FIRE almost assuredly has societal advantages throughout their childhood that many do not have.

That pretty much is the basis for any feeling of guilt that you might have. Everyone should be able to imagine people less advantaged than you. What amount of guilt would you feel if say you were born with a $10M stash? What about not having to pay for college? What about having parents engaged in your school? What about having parents not in jail and both alive? What about having any parent? Etc.

You can always go back somewhere and find people who are going to have been considerably worse off than you. 

How you deal with that is up to you.

And yet poorly educated janitors have amassed fortunes by just living frugally, saving and investing...