Author Topic: Do you ever get "The Look"?  (Read 16040 times)

AlanStache

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #150 on: September 13, 2017, 07:58:01 PM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.

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markbike528CBX

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #151 on: September 13, 2017, 08:04:30 PM »
I also get "the look" when I am dressed up purty in a pink dress and heels and all the girly stuff for a night out to a nice place (especially if meeting someone new) and I get in or out of my almost 20 year old beater truck. Its not a good look but still cracks me up.

Oh, I love this!  It reminds me of a woman i used to know who wore combat boots with a dress.   I think it is a pretty cool look.  :)
I think women owning old trucks is probably pretty common in many rural areas but here in fancy pants metro LA/OC is pretty unusual. New SUVs and luxury sedans but not many trucks and very very rarely old beater trucks. Mine sadly died and I have a fancy rental vehicle now so fit in better with my fancy friends and area. But can't wait to get the truck up and running again as I do miss all the disdainful looks I get ;-). Well I'm moving to a place (ski town) where beater trucks are probably more "normal" so doubt I'll get the same looks. Fun while it lasted.

I admit, I always felt sexiest (and got the best "looks") when I was wearing a well fitting pair of jeans, fitted top, boots, and driving/getting out of my beater pickup with my happy-as-shit dog in the back.  Man, I miss that dog! (and the old jeans size...)
haha me too. Before the truck I had an old jeep CJ (lived in the mountains) soft top no doors so I could rock my inner Daisy Duke. Plus a couple of motorcycles I had for years. But no one seemed to think they were mine. I don't know how many times I've been told how nice it was of my dh/bf/random dude to let me drive his jeep or motorcycles. Back when I first FIREd I spent much of the first year doing long solo motorcycle camping trips loaded with gear and ALWAYS got asked (when parked) where my male driver was at. Still do when in my truck on a solo road trip. Usually get the look of surprise which us another kind of look I guess.

One of my favorite memories is my double take/ "look" when we picked up my mom after a solo hike.
Her attire:   
Walking stick a foot taller than her, stout enough to be suitable for Friar Tuck.
Serious hiking boots.  Dog nearby.
A gun at her hip.
Micky Mouse t-shirt.

So proud.  Still brings a warm feeling.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #152 on: September 13, 2017, 08:48:05 PM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.

This is really good advice. I remember one time in my 20s, I was living in Cambridge MA and working at a publishing company with offices in Harvard Square. My roommate invited some friends over and we were all chatting... somehow it came up that I worked in Harvard Square and this guy (who was a very recent Harvard grad) asked me "Oh, really? What store do you work in?" I was so insulted that he would assume that someone "like me" (whatever that was - female? wearing jeans? having a roommate? who knows) could only possibly have a retail job, in an area chock-full of interesting companies and non-profits (not to mention Harvard U).
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Accidental Miser

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #153 on: September 13, 2017, 09:02:41 PM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.

Excellent advice.  When I was a boy, I worked as my father's assistant in an HVAC business.  Once, we went to a large estate with a large house, many barns and buildings and several employees doing various tasks.  When we arrived at the job site (an HVAC unit for one of the outbuildings needed some maintenance) we were shortly joined by a gentleman driving a 25-year-old pickup truck.  He wore cowboy boots with his overall legs half in and half out, chewed tobacco, wore a cap from the local feed store and looked like he didn't have two nickels to rub together.  Of course, he was the owner of the whole shootin' match.  He had invented some sort of catfish bait and sold it all over the country. 

Fortunately, I was always on my best behavior when out working with my father so I didn't embarrass myself but I would have turned red if the fellow could have read my thoughts!

BeautifulDay

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #154 on: September 13, 2017, 10:31:58 PM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.

This is really good advice. I remember one time in my 20s, I was living in Cambridge MA and working at a publishing company with offices in Harvard Square. My roommate invited some friends over and we were all chatting... somehow it came up that I worked in Harvard Square and this guy (who was a very recent Harvard grad) asked me "Oh, really? What store do you work in?" I was so insulted that he would assume that someone "like me" (whatever that was - female? wearing jeans? having a roommate? who knows) could only possibly have a retail job, in an area chock-full of interesting companies and non-profits (not to mention Harvard U).

I'm old enough that the new assumption for a female is teacher.  People always think I'm a teacher. Um, no. I'm a program manager for a large non-profit.

Lazy_Spartan

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #155 on: September 14, 2017, 12:41:16 AM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.
That's very wise and great advice. I try not to make assumptions but I often do - and not always good ones - so will try to remember this for the future.
Retired at 42

StiffUpperLip

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #156 on: September 14, 2017, 05:56:15 AM »
I got the "look" and the accompanying interrogation last night after letting it slip that I own "only" 4 pairs of shoes...  They looked at me like they'd just noticed I had two heads!

The ensuing 45 minute long interrogation as to exactly why do I not own more than 4 pairs of shoes, including one bloke who had packed more pairs than I own for a two night course away form home, then expanded from shoes to clothes "but you need different shoes to go with your different (???) jeans"...

Apparently these were unacceptable answers:

them: "what do you wear with a dress in winter"
me: "I don't own a winter dress"

them: "what do you wear with a dress if it's raining?"
me: "I don't wear a dress if its raining and if it rains while I'm already wearing a dress I guess my legs will get wet"

Despite the fact that bikes are like a mustacian sacred cow I must also mention that one co-worker admitted she had more shoes for cycling than I owned in total - and even that she owns more bikes than I have shoes!

Arg!  Apparently I need to "learn how to shop" and "let myself have nice things" - thank you very much!!!

I DIDN'T point out the car one of them arrived in which I know cost more than her annual salary!

It took longer than it should have to divert the conversation back to more common ground.

henceforth

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #157 on: September 14, 2017, 07:13:22 AM »
I get it occasionally when I tell people I'm 52. I like that "look" (I figure sooner or later Father Time will catch up to me and I won't get in anymore).

When they ask what my secret is I tell them without hesitation -- "no kids."  ;-)

LOL. I keep reading these posts from people who look younger than they are and also don't have kids and wondering, "You guys know these two facts are closely linked, right?"

Signed,

The lady who hasn't been mistaken for being younger than she is since simultaneously becoming pregnant with her first child and getting gray hair at the ripe old age of 26.

I feel similarly! I have been going grey since very young, and since having kids have never ever been mistaken for being younger. I don't ever get the "look"'except perhaps one of pity, lol.

MustachioedPistachio

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #158 on: September 14, 2017, 07:19:15 AM »
Ah, "The Look". I get sideways looks for riding a bike as a mode of transportation. It's the look of utter disbelief when clerks/tellers/coworkers/classmates find out that I actually do have a car but choose to ride instead. Inconceivable!

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ketchup

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #159 on: September 14, 2017, 07:52:45 AM »
I get it occasionally when I tell people I'm 52. I like that "look" (I figure sooner or later Father Time will catch up to me and I won't get in anymore).

When they ask what my secret is I tell them without hesitation -- "no kids."  ;-)

LOL. I keep reading these posts from people who look younger than they are and also don't have kids and wondering, "You guys know these two facts are closely linked, right?"

Signed,

The lady who hasn't been mistaken for being younger than she is since simultaneously becoming pregnant with her first child and getting gray hair at the ripe old age of 26.

I feel similarly! I have been going grey since very young, and since having kids have never ever been mistaken for being younger. I don't ever get the "look"'except perhaps one of pity, lol.
I know someone who, on her 29th birthday, on her way into a movie theater was asked "Are you an adult?"  Then at 30, she went gray (like full on Daenerys Targaryen gray) and hasn't had that problem since.  She likes to say she looked 15 until she looked 50.

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #160 on: September 14, 2017, 08:13:40 AM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.

Reading this made me realize I gave the Look once.

I did a triathlon once, a long time ago.  On the morning of the event, riding the bus from the finish line area up to the swim start, I saw an 80 year old skinny man who was obviously a fellow competitor.

"Well, at least I won't come in dead last," I clearly remember thinking.

I shouldn't have assumed.  The guy beat me by nearly an hour.
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dreams_and_discoveries

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #161 on: September 14, 2017, 09:50:45 AM »

Reading this made me realize I gave the Look once.

I did a triathlon once, a long time ago.  On the morning of the event, riding the bus from the finish line area up to the swim start, I saw an 80 year old skinny man who was obviously a fellow competitor.

"Well, at least I won't come in dead last," I clearly remember thinking.

I shouldn't have assumed.  The guy beat me by nearly an hour.

Yep, every week I go through the ParkRun results, to see how many over 70 beat me, sometimes it's only 2, other times it's 3!

One of my favorite memories is my double take/ "look" when we picked up my mom after a solo hike.
Her attire:   
Walking stick a foot taller than her, stout enough to be suitable for Friar Tuck.
Serious hiking boots.  Dog nearby.
A gun at her hip.
Micky Mouse t-shirt.

So proud.  Still brings a warm feeling.

Your mum is a badass.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #162 on: September 14, 2017, 10:38:49 AM »
I got the "look" and the accompanying interrogation last night after letting it slip that I own "only" 4 pairs of shoes...  They looked at me like they'd just noticed I had two heads!

Heh. I have a pair of sneakers and a pair of boots.

If I get invited to a wedding or have to attend a funeral, I guess I'll have to buy some. Until then, I'm good.
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nawhite

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #163 on: September 14, 2017, 11:57:31 AM »
I've run into this when renting houses with roommates. Most recently, we were renting a house for $2900/month and the landlord gave me the look when I said I could just write a personal check for the $8700 for first month, last month, and security deposit if they were ok with that or I could get them a cashier's check later that day. Apparently most people they dealt with don't keep $9000 in their checking accounts and need time to borrow money or complain about requiring the last month too.
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RyanAtTanagra

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #164 on: September 14, 2017, 12:07:59 PM »
I've run into this when renting houses with roommates. Most recently, we were renting a house for $2900/month and the landlord gave me the look when I said I could just write a personal check for the $8700 for first month, last month, and security deposit if they were ok with that or I could get them a cashier's check later that day. Apparently most people they dealt with don't keep $9000 in their checking accounts and need time to borrow money or complain about requiring the last month too.

Oh yea, I got that once, similar circumstance, forgot about that one.  My GF and I were trying to rent a house.  I was unemployed at the time (collecting unemployment, taking my time because I still had a positive savings rate, so was looking for a job I really wanted).  My GF was in school full time, not working.  I didn't even think about how bad we looked on paper, because we were doing great, had plenty of savings, etc.  The property manager said:

PM: good application and I feel like you'd be great tenants, but I know the owner isn't going to be comfortable with you not having reliable income
Me: oh, hmm.  what if I put down an extra deposit down, like a financial security deposit?
PM: that might work, how much can you put down?
Me: *shrug* how much do you want?
PM: *the look* a full month's rent?
Me: oh that's all?  yea no problem

Got the place no problem, lived there a couple years, got all the deposits back at the end

Drifterrider

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #165 on: September 14, 2017, 01:00:13 PM »
I find it amazing that people my age (fifties) still finance cars and other smallish purchases.

Worse than millennials. Because by that age those people really should know better.

It all depends.  I bought a new car last year (the one before that was 2004 and I still own it).  I financed through the manufacturer:  0% interest. (and they gave me an additional $500 discount for doing so).

Sometimes, financing makes cents [sic].

mm1970

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #166 on: September 14, 2017, 01:53:30 PM »

Reading this made me realize I gave the Look once.

I did a triathlon once, a long time ago.  On the morning of the event, riding the bus from the finish line area up to the swim start, I saw an 80 year old skinny man who was obviously a fellow competitor.

"Well, at least I won't come in dead last," I clearly remember thinking.

I shouldn't have assumed.  The guy beat me by nearly an hour.

Yep, every week I go through the ParkRun results, to see how many over 70 beat me, sometimes it's only 2, other times it's 3!

One of my favorite memories is my double take/ "look" when we picked up my mom after a solo hike.
Her attire:   
Walking stick a foot taller than her, stout enough to be suitable for Friar Tuck.
Serious hiking boots.  Dog nearby.
A gun at her hip.
Micky Mouse t-shirt.

So proud.  Still brings a warm feeling.

Your mum is a badass.
I don't run many races (too cheap), but used to.  I've run a couple of them this year, and I see the same guys I saw 7-8 years ago when running a lot.  They were in their 60s then, 70s now, and yes they still beat me!

fantabulous

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #167 on: September 14, 2017, 02:02:05 PM »
Does "The Look" for being visibly trans count?

BFGirl

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #168 on: September 14, 2017, 02:13:46 PM »
Buying a car with cash.  Had to show them my bank account balance before they would draw up the paperwork.

Lazy_Spartan

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #169 on: September 14, 2017, 03:51:46 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
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Altons Bobs

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #170 on: September 14, 2017, 04:04:10 PM »
I got the look when this health care person heard that I worked out 7 days a week, 2x on Saturday and Sunday. That was when I was younger, wish I still had the discipline now.

I got the look when I showed my friends I walked 33k steps a day.

I gave my friend the look when she told me she got a loan for her car. None of my other friends bought cars with loans except her. I gave this guy the look when he bragged about how much money he had, how high his property tax was, etc.  I just didn't tell him I had quite a few times more than him and my property tax was also more, not something I wanted to brag about or disclose.

dycker1978

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #171 on: September 14, 2017, 04:13:39 PM »
Does "The Look" for being visibly trans count?

This is a look I am all too familiar with.  I run a trans support org here and my youngest is trans.

seattlecyclone

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #172 on: September 14, 2017, 06:18:12 PM »
I don't get "the look" much anymore. It happened once or twice at the bank when we bought our most recent house...I guess asking for a six-figure cashiers' check for a down payment can do that even when you're a white dude in the tech industry.

I did get it a few times back when I was in school. I think my favorite was when I was in grad school earning something like $1,500/month as a teaching assistant. I brought in the form to our department's HR lady to sign up for the university's 403(b) plan and contribute $1,300/month. She definitely asked if I was sure about this. I had plenty of money saved up from a summer internship to pay my living expenses for the school year, so I was happy to put essentially all of my after-tax salary in the retirement plan.
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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #173 on: September 14, 2017, 06:45:05 PM »
I generally look a lot like people expect me to look - middle aged, slightly paunchy middle class dude with kids and a mortgage. 

I see no reason to tell them about my financial situation, it seems the 'normal thing' around here is to pretend that the cost of things doesn't matter or isn't a problem (i.e. for a new hot water tank at an unexpected time).  In my case that may be true, though I am sure many others are living on debt.

pachnik

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #174 on: September 14, 2017, 06:47:28 PM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.
That's very wise and great advice. I try not to make assumptions but I often do - and not always good ones - so will try to remember this for the future.

+1 and +1  - Very good advice.  and I also make assumptions that aren't the best.

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #175 on: September 15, 2017, 02:28:26 AM »
One more thing that I now remember after reading all of these. Years ago we bought our first house. Ours was one of the first house being built in the entire neighborhood, so there were a lot of construction workers running around building other houses when we moved in.

I was mowing my lawn one day with my tshirt and shorts when one of my neighbor stopped by and ask how much do I charge for mowing the lawn. They like to have their lawn mowed as well lol. I guess I do not look like someone who could own a house.

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #176 on: September 15, 2017, 07:54:49 AM »
One more thing that I now remember after reading all of these. Years ago we bought our first house. Ours was one of the first house being built in the entire neighborhood, so there were a lot of construction workers running around building other houses when we moved in.

I was mowing my lawn one day with my tshirt and shorts when one of my neighbor stopped by and ask how much do I charge for mowing the lawn. They like to have their lawn mowed as well lol. I guess I do not look like someone who could own a house.

What did you charge him?

Miss Piggy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #177 on: September 15, 2017, 08:07:33 AM »
One more thing that I now remember after reading all of these. Years ago we bought our first house. Ours was one of the first house being built in the entire neighborhood, so there were a lot of construction workers running around building other houses when we moved in.

I was mowing my lawn one day with my tshirt and shorts when one of my neighbor stopped by and ask how much do I charge for mowing the lawn. They like to have their lawn mowed as well lol. I guess I do not look like someone who could own a house.

That's funny!

I mow my neighbor's lawn for free. She's older and her husband passed away, but before he did so, he prearranged with me and my husband to take care of a few things. Every year, she asks if this is the year she should go ahead and hire a lawn service, and I say no because I want need the exercise. I probably don't mow quite as often as she'd prefer (10 days instead of 7) because I work full-time, but she understands and is patient. :)

Finallyunderstand

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #178 on: September 15, 2017, 08:08:12 AM »
Friends were talking about mortgage payments.  They asked me what my mortgage payment is.

Me: It was $x,xxx/month
Friend:  Was?
Me: Don't have one anymore.
Friend: You've only lived there 6 years.
Me: Yeah.

He was quiet for a little bit.  I didn't really even think about it when I said "was". 

To me those conversations make no sense.  You have no idea what the person rate or terms are and what they put down for a down payment.  Plus, are they including taxes and insurance in that monthly amount?  You would have to ask follow up questions to see how they really compare to you or others so what's the point?

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #179 on: September 15, 2017, 08:40:13 AM »
One thing I have learned over the years is that when meeting someone new and you dont know there situation always assume the other person is in the best/most respectable possible situation, if you are wrong your foot wont be in your mouth.  If they say they work in a dentist office assume they are the dentist; they say they work at a university you address them as dr/prof; they say they work at the shipping port you ask if they drive the big cranes; you see someone on a cool bike you assume it is theirs.  This rule does not have a gender or age caveat.
+1000000000

I do this from a "everyone you meet is your teacher" perspective.

mm1970

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #180 on: September 15, 2017, 01:19:49 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
I don't think that I look like I'm living in a van down by the river.

But sometimes I wonder.  I get occasional looks.  I'm not into fashion, my hair is wash and go (almost always in a bun.  I get my hair cut into a bob 2x a year and get so many compliments.)  I don't wear makeup.  I drive an old car.  The looks are "why are you such a schlub?"  I get a little leeway for being an engineer.

OTOH, one of my friends (our kids are in school together) once said "It must be nice to be able to afford summer camp for your kid and not even use it." (Last week before school started, we pulled our kid out of camp early 2 days because he had doctor and dentist appts.)

So.  Once or twice I was counseled by friends in their 50s to not quit my job in frustration because it's really hard to get rehired at that age.  On one hand, I get it - I do like work, so there is that aspect.  I tried to explain that I could quit and never work again, but the look I got was so strange I just decided to keep my mouth shut after that.

GuitarStv

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #181 on: September 15, 2017, 02:20:09 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
I don't think that I look like I'm living in a van down by the river.

But sometimes I wonder.  I get occasional looks.  I'm not into fashion, my hair is wash and go (almost always in a bun.  I get my hair cut into a bob 2x a year and get so many compliments.)  I don't wear makeup.  I drive an old car.  The looks are "why are you such a schlub?"  I get a little leeway for being an engineer.

I used to think that I didn't look like I was living in a van down by the river, but sometimes life gives you reason to wonder.

I had to go downtown for jury duty a couple years ago.  The first morning that I headed out I was wearing an old t-shirt, baggy grey hoodie, some not too badly faded jeans, my 15 year old leather jacket, and some running shoes (with my beat up backpack).  I was happy not to have to dress up or shave for work and cheerfully rode the bus down to the subway, then took the subway to the courthouse.  I got there more than an hour early, so in a very unusual splurge of wastefulness decided to buy a cup of coffee.  Since it was a sunny November day and all the benches were taken, I found an out of the way spot near the courthouse doors, sat down, and drank my coffee.

About ten minutes later a dude threw some coins in my (now empty) cup.  I was like 'Huh.  That was weird.'  But then it happened again, so I figured it would be best if I stood up and went somewhere else.  Apparently my default natural state of dress is 'street person' style.  :P

AlanStache

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #182 on: September 15, 2017, 02:31:26 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
I don't think that I look like I'm living in a van down by the river.

But sometimes I wonder.  I get occasional looks.  I'm not into fashion, my hair is wash and go (almost always in a bun.  I get my hair cut into a bob 2x a year and get so many compliments.)  I don't wear makeup.  I drive an old car.  The looks are "why are you such a schlub?"  I get a little leeway for being an engineer.

I used to think that I didn't look like I was living in a van down by the river, but sometimes life gives you reason to wonder.

I had to go downtown for jury duty a couple years ago.  The first morning that I headed out I was wearing an old t-shirt, baggy grey hoodie, some not too badly faded jeans, my 15 year old leather jacket, and some running shoes (with my beat up backpack).  I was happy not to have to dress up or shave for work and cheerfully rode the bus down to the subway, then took the subway to the courthouse.  I got there more than an hour early, so in a very unusual splurge of wastefulness decided to buy a cup of coffee.  Since it was a sunny November day and all the benches were taken, I found an out of the way spot near the courthouse doors, sat down, and drank my coffee.

About ten minutes later a dude threw some coins in my (now empty) cup.  I was like 'Huh.  That was weird.'  But then it happened again, so I figured it would be best if I stood up and went somewhere else.  Apparently my default natural state of dress is 'street person' style.  :P

Awesome! Did the change pay for the coffee?

Be the person Mr. Rogers knows you can be.

Altons Bobs

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #183 on: September 15, 2017, 02:38:11 PM »
I had to go downtown for jury duty a couple years ago.  The first morning that I headed out I was wearing an old t-shirt, baggy grey hoodie, some not too badly faded jeans, my 15 year old leather jacket, and some running shoes (with my beat up backpack).  I was happy not to have to dress up or shave for work and cheerfully rode the bus down to the subway, then took the subway to the courthouse.  I got there more than an hour early, so in a very unusual splurge of wastefulness decided to buy a cup of coffee.  Since it was a sunny November day and all the benches were taken, I found an out of the way spot near the courthouse doors, sat down, and drank my coffee.

About ten minutes later a dude threw some coins in my (now empty) cup.  I was like 'Huh.  That was weird.'  But then it happened again, so I figured it would be best if I stood up and went somewhere else.  Apparently my default natural state of dress is 'street person' style.  :P

You should have stayed! I would have! ;-)

GuitarStv

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #184 on: September 15, 2017, 04:04:06 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
I don't think that I look like I'm living in a van down by the river.

But sometimes I wonder.  I get occasional looks.  I'm not into fashion, my hair is wash and go (almost always in a bun.  I get my hair cut into a bob 2x a year and get so many compliments.)  I don't wear makeup.  I drive an old car.  The looks are "why are you such a schlub?"  I get a little leeway for being an engineer.

I used to think that I didn't look like I was living in a van down by the river, but sometimes life gives you reason to wonder.

I had to go downtown for jury duty a couple years ago.  The first morning that I headed out I was wearing an old t-shirt, baggy grey hoodie, some not too badly faded jeans, my 15 year old leather jacket, and some running shoes (with my beat up backpack).  I was happy not to have to dress up or shave for work and cheerfully rode the bus down to the subway, then took the subway to the courthouse.  I got there more than an hour early, so in a very unusual splurge of wastefulness decided to buy a cup of coffee.  Since it was a sunny November day and all the benches were taken, I found an out of the way spot near the courthouse doors, sat down, and drank my coffee.

About ten minutes later a dude threw some coins in my (now empty) cup.  I was like 'Huh.  That was weird.'  But then it happened again, so I figured it would be best if I stood up and went somewhere else.  Apparently my default natural state of dress is 'street person' style.  :P

Awesome! Did the change pay for the coffee?

Yes!

Lazy_Spartan

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #185 on: September 15, 2017, 04:36:43 PM »
We're all forgetting the most important one. "The Look" you get or will get when you tell people you retired at 40ish or under. Especially if, instead of looking like you live a very high life and therefore won the lottery, you look like you live in a van down by the river and are eating government cheese and are therefore a welfare bum living off the government dole. I usually just want to smack people upside the head with a copy of "The Millionaire Next door" who think that. I don't but I wanna.
I don't think that I look like I'm living in a van down by the river.

But sometimes I wonder.  I get occasional looks.  I'm not into fashion, my hair is wash and go (almost always in a bun.  I get my hair cut into a bob 2x a year and get so many compliments.)  I don't wear makeup.  I drive an old car.  The looks are "why are you such a schlub?"  I get a little leeway for being an engineer.

I used to think that I didn't look like I was living in a van down by the river, but sometimes life gives you reason to wonder.

I had to go downtown for jury duty a couple years ago.  The first morning that I headed out I was wearing an old t-shirt, baggy grey hoodie, some not too badly faded jeans, my 15 year old leather jacket, and some running shoes (with my beat up backpack).  I was happy not to have to dress up or shave for work and cheerfully rode the bus down to the subway, then took the subway to the courthouse.  I got there more than an hour early, so in a very unusual splurge of wastefulness decided to buy a cup of coffee.  Since it was a sunny November day and all the benches were taken, I found an out of the way spot near the courthouse doors, sat down, and drank my coffee.

About ten minutes later a dude threw some coins in my (now empty) cup.  I was like 'Huh.  That was weird.'  But then it happened again, so I figured it would be best if I stood up and went somewhere else.  Apparently my default natural state of dress is 'street person' style.  :P
oh god this is my sister! She's very very attractive but almost always wears an old gray hoodie, baggy workout plants, and flip flops and carries a beat up bavkpack. She also has a 20 year old vehicle that's kind of beat to hell. She gets followed around in stores to make sure she doesnt steal anything. People are always offeting her food like she's a starving waif, or money. Frankly I actually get embarrassd sometimes but she thinks its funny. The fact that she lives in a very expensive area, and is she FI by a lot and extremely mustachian,  she just doesn't really give a damn what people think of her. She cleans up well though and can look pretty glamorous when she wants.
Retired at 42

Lmoot

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #186 on: September 16, 2017, 12:50:46 PM »
I got the look a lot when I bought my house at 25, as a single woman. It was a fixer-upper, so I had a parade of contractors and workers coming through. And I got the same question if of ownership. And the same look. I am 33 now but still look fairly young, or so I'd like to think ha ha! So I still get looks here and there.

I also get the look from coworkers at my part-time job, more so from newer coworkers. I work at a nonprofit full of recent grads, and many don't know how old I am myself. They don't know of my second job, or that it's a full-time job, or how much my salary is (it's not a lot, but it is nearly twice what they would get full time at the non profit. They don't know I own a rental property (my former residential that I am actually renting to a coworker). I often get lumped into conversations of brokeness and I just twiddle my thumbs and try to look normal. If they knew I put twice their paycheck into savings each month, I don't think they would know how to act around me (many of them think I am in my mid 20's like them).


BTDretire

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #187 on: September 16, 2017, 01:24:15 PM »
I mow my neighbor's lawn for free. She's older and her husband passed away, but before he did so, he prearranged with me and my husband to take care of a few things. Every year, she asks if this is the year she should go ahead and hire a lawn service, and I say no because I want need the exercise. I probably don't mow quite as often as she'd prefer (10 days instead of 7) because I work full-time, but she understands and is patient. :)

 I don't know that the look happened but I know there was a reaction.
 A friend in his 70s visited his aunt in her 80s, she's done well picking stocks
and is FI+. He got around to discussing a WILL and found she is giving the house
to the guy that has been mowing the lawn. (That's when I think there was a look)
"He ask don't you already pay him?"
 She said, "Yes" After asking a few more questions about their relationship,
I think he got her thinking more about her nieces.
  Also working at convincing her to remove the attorney as the executor and,
change the will to some other form, because in that state the attorney gets a percent
just to start and that would have been in the $35,000 range.
 

Imma

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #188 on: September 16, 2017, 03:13:46 PM »
Does "The Look" for being visibly trans count?

This is a look I am all too familiar with.  I run a trans support org here and my youngest is trans.

This is an awful look. I'm so sorry you guys have to go through that.

I used to work in the local welfare office some years ago and we had a few trans clients. I was absolutely shocked to see what they went through, both from other people in the waiting room and from my own coworkers. I tried to talk about it to my coworkers and to our boss, but I could just not get my point across why it is hateful to address someone with the wrong pronouns on purpose or to act like being trans is something like a dangerous sexual perversion. I had heard from a trans friend that these things happened, and I believed him, but until you get a glimpse of how some people actually behave, you don't truly believe how bad it can get. I did apologise for the behaviour of my coworker, but there's no apology possible for such humiliation. The damage has been done and can't be undone.

BTDretire

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #189 on: September 16, 2017, 07:55:44 PM »
Does "The Look" for being visibly trans count?

This is a look I am all too familiar with.  I run a trans support org here and my youngest is trans.

This is an awful look. I'm so sorry you guys have to go through that.

I used to work in the local welfare office some years ago and we had a few trans clients. I was absolutely shocked to see what they went through, both from other people in the waiting room and from my own coworkers. I tried to talk about it to my coworkers and to our boss, but I could just not get my point across why it is hateful to address someone with the wrong pronouns on purpose or to act like being trans is something like a dangerous sexual perversion. I had heard from a trans friend that these things happened, and I believed him, but until you get a glimpse of how some people actually behave, you don't truly believe how bad it can get. I did apologise for the behaviour of my coworker, but there's no apology possible for such humiliation. The damage has been done and can't be undone.

 For anyone interested, I recently watched Norm MacDonald interview Caitlyn Jenner.
 While I really like Norm, he is not everyone's cup of tea, but you might enjoy him interviewing Caitlyn. I enjoyed the interview, learned several things I did not know about Caitlyn. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuldL1m6FAs

Lski'stash

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #190 on: September 16, 2017, 09:02:36 PM »
Got the look when I went to HR to request that 100% of my paycheck be put into a retirement account.  I don't want any of it taxed nor to have any of it hit my checking account.  They think I'm crazy...

Can you walk me through this one?  How can 100% of your paycheck not be taxed?

-Marley

As a teacher, between the years I bought, and my 457 and 403B, I could have a zero balance. It's the strategy Ed Mills uses on themillionaireeducator.com.

Secretly Saving

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #191 on: September 17, 2017, 12:13:29 AM »
Got the look when I went to HR to request that 100% of my paycheck be put into a retirement account.  I don't want any of it taxed nor to have any of it hit my checking account.  They think I'm crazy...

Can you walk me through this one?  How can 100% of your paycheck not be taxed?

-Marley

As a teacher, between the years I bought, and my 457 and 403B, I could have a zero balance. It's the strategy Ed Mills uses on themillionaireeducator.com.

Yep, I'm a teacher.  That's it exactly.

dragoncar

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #192 on: September 17, 2017, 01:56:51 AM »
Also note that investment earnings are taxable, where upfront savings from the price reduction are taken at face value.

Also note that the lender will require you to carry collision insurance, which you might not want.

dragoncar

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #193 on: September 17, 2017, 02:01:23 AM »
Got the look when I went to HR to request that 100% of my paycheck be put into a retirement account.  I don't want any of it taxed nor to have any of it hit my checking account.  They think I'm crazy...

Can you walk me through this one?  How can 100% of your paycheck not be taxed?

-Marley

It's not really possible. You pay FICA taxes regardless of how much you contribute to a retirement account (except for HSA). So assuming we're not talking about HSA contributions here, the maximum you could allocate to a retirement account should be 92.35% of gross. This does completely avoid federal and [probably?] state taxes though. There are additional complications if you have health insurance deductions and such from your paycheck.

IME from front-loading 401k, you also have to pay some federal and state tax, because (as I understand it) FICA is not deductible from AGI.  In other words, you have to pay federal and state taxes on the income used to pay the FICA tax.  I never thought too hard about it, but it seems like minor double taxation.  I trust my payroll and ADP to do it right, though.