Author Topic: Do you ever get "The Look"?  (Read 15990 times)

Gyosho

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Do you ever get "The Look"?
« on: September 08, 2017, 10:29:17 AM »
Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

IWannaGo

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2017, 10:46:06 AM »
Yep, I can relate - also female, been in IT for 20+ years and done well for myself....in recent years though ditched the fancy cars, fancy address, suits, heels, etc for a very natural look/presence.  Now, as I walk down the street in my super casual clothing and minimalist appearance, I find a certain smile that comes from within me as people make assumptions that maybe I'm not successful or have achievements in life....I'm laughing on the inside as I have a little secret they don't know about. 

I pride myself on being like the "Millionaire Next Door".... don't take offense, take pride in knowing what you know about life and how great you are.  Additionally, it's your opportunity to remind people not to judge a book by it's cover - or if they do - who cares, you'll be FIRE'd up in the future, and they will still be WORKING! 

moof

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2017, 10:56:25 AM »
I give a "look" at a certain type of folks.  But it usually at the ones who are in constant freakout mode to keep everything perfect so everyone will know how successful their piles of debt have made them.

My guess is that this guy is used to home owners who are automatically compelled to be in "keep up with the Jones'" mode, heck most bought their house to keep up.  I look back and wish we had rented for a few more years until we could have avoided PMI, but whatever.

o2bfree

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2017, 11:02:45 AM »
I got it some years ago when I was much younger and paid cash for a car. I'd told the sales guy I didn't need financing, but when we sat down to close the deal, he brought it up again. I got the look when I brought out my checkbook and asked what the total was. He seemed rather uncomfortable after that.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2017, 11:07:12 AM »
I get it occasionally when i say i have been retired going on 3 years now and people know I have 4 kids. I usually follow it up by "Not wealthy or anything like that and not to say I would never go back to work but right now its working so we will say. Nice spending time with the kids". Then they give me the "Look" and usually say " Oh yea thats cool""Or yea i wish we could do that". Really nothing they mean!
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GuitarStv

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2017, 11:14:52 AM »
I went to the bank at one point because I was transferring money from my old work pension plan (had just been laid off and needed to move money out of the plan or eat really high fees).  It was December, pretty snowy, and I had biked there in somewhat scruffy looking clothes.  I had made an appointment, but things at the bank were running a bit late.  Eventually the person I was supposed to talk to showed up and we went to her cubicle.  She was actually kinda rude to me as we were going through what I wanted to do.  Then she started asking me some (I guess) standard questions for this bank.  Eventually we got to:

Do you currently own your home?
How much debt are you carrying?
How much is your current net worth?

After the answer to the third question, she gave me a funny look . . . then typed furiously into her computer for a few minutes, then gave me a funny look again, then excused herself.  About a minute later I met the branch manager, who apparently decided that it was important that he handle my  business personally.  It was bizarre how nice they suddenly became because they had figured out I wasn't broke.

bender

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2017, 11:24:32 AM »
I don't like 'the look'.  I blend in almost anywhere except at the bank.

PizzaSteve

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2017, 11:49:57 AM »
When i let it slip out that my house was paid off at the bar during my work xmas party to two execs who outrank me (we live in HCOL for housing area).
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slappy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2017, 12:20:09 PM »
I got it some years ago when I was much younger and paid cash for a car. I'd told the sales guy I didn't need financing, but when we sat down to close the deal, he brought it up again. I got the look when I brought out my checkbook and asked what the total was. He seemed rather uncomfortable after that.

I had a similar experience buying a car. I said I was going to pay cash and that i would need to run to the bank to get the bank check. They then asked who the lienholder who be. I said "no one, I'm paying cash". I'm not sure if they believed me.

talltexan

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2017, 12:31:36 PM »
My in-laws (early 60's) were asked to supply investment statements proving they could pay for their house in cash. Apparently no one does that anymore.

FINate

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2017, 12:33:50 PM »
I get it every time I tell someone I'm retired. Something I've noticed: There are two different types of looks. For those who are older, 'The Look' is one of self righteous indignation, usually followed by "you're too young to be retired." My guess is that this group finds it unfair that someone much younger then them is retired while they're still working (or retired much later) - the sense that they worked until 65 so everyone else should. Whereas 'The Look' from peers and younger is one of disbelief, can't comprehend how it's possible or what it would be like.

slappy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2017, 12:42:26 PM »
My in-laws (early 60's) were asked to supply investment statements proving they could pay for their house in cash. Apparently no one does that anymore.

In my experience, this is a common request. I work with customers that request verification letters from me to supply proof that they have the assets to purchase the home.

Tonyahu

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2017, 12:52:28 PM »
Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

Haha sounds like "the look" you get is better than the one I get!

"The look" I get is how a well dressed (non name brands), well kept, handsome and seemingly well-off young Caucasian man get's into a beat  up 1999 Toyota Corolla....

I would prefer the "look" you get from people! haha!
« Last Edit: September 08, 2017, 12:54:55 PM by Tonyahu »

bacchi

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2017, 12:53:56 PM »
I bicycled to a high dollar, powerful, lawyer in town and the receptionist reluctantly let me in to talk with her.

When she agreed to take my case, she told me that she would need a $3000 cashier's check today. I said I'd be back and took off to the bank; I'm sure she expected never to see me again.

When I returned with the check within 15 minutes, I got "the look."

kaypinkHH

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #14 on: September 08, 2017, 01:05:19 PM »
Notable Looks received: (mostly due to the fact I look relatively young, and I think most people assume I'm a teacher. Nothing wrong with that, but I think they assume I make a teachers salary. I don't.)

-Going to a bank to set up a mortgage at 24 for a VHCOL city. Showing that Mr.HH and I had no debt and a 20% down payment ready to go.

-Opening another bank account (to hack travel rewards credit cards) and then the bank employee being confused why we didn't want/need an extra HUGE LOC that we qualified for.

-Paying 2nd car in cash.

-Explaining to in-laws that we have maxed out our tax free savings accounts this year.


 

 

SC93

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2017, 01:09:17 PM »
I get the opposite look. I drive around in my 2001 minivan and even when I pull up to people that I know I get the opposite look. Actually it's more of a head shake. lol I love the way it drives, what can I say? Funny thing is, even my wife won't ride in it and gives me the look. lmao She doesn't want to be seen in it. lol I drove it to Florida to my ex wife's house to pick up my grandson and she was really giving me the look. She asked why I was driving that! lol I've learned that you can never tell by what a person looks, drives or dresses like as to how much money they have (or don't have).

Giro

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2017, 01:17:30 PM »
The look followed by accusations and finally anger.  The worst time was when my husband and I paid cash for our house.  The title company didn't believe us and proceeded to ask us who gave us the cash and said "normally people come in bragging and I find out that grandpa loaned them the money."    See, people our age just don't have that kind of cash and apparently making a cash transaction is bragging.  Well, it was a depressed housing market and we took advantage of a property that was days before foreclosure.  Our offer was accepted over several higher offers because there was no time to deal with financing from the other potential buyers.  The bank jumped on the cash offer.  We got a DEAL on that house so that man can think I'm a liar all he wants.   

Dabnasty

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2017, 01:57:53 PM »
I think I got the look this morning. Coworker asked if I watched TV and then if I had cable. I said something like yes, but just Netflix because cable is too expensive (and I don't want cable). I'm sure she's noticed I don't really spend money on things so she gave the look and asked what I was planning to spend all that money on. I briefly considered honesty but it would have been an awkward conversation so I mumbled something about buying a house which is true enough.

Same person once told another coworker "You better take some vacations now while you still have money". The implication was that he would have a kid someday and then the money would be gone.

Dabnasty

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2017, 02:01:30 PM »
A few weeks ago after explaining a bank sign up bonus to a coworker. I covered the direct deposit part and the debit card purchases but then I said "Oh ya, and you have to put $5,000 in the account for a few months to avoid fees." I got the look.

Candace

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2017, 02:21:54 PM »
Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

{snip}


I think my response to a question like that would be "Does that make a difference in the terms of painting my home?"

Why does the painter care whether you own your home? Could just be idle chatter but it does sound like he was either trying to put you in a box or perhaps had something to sell you.

I routinely get "the look" when I tell people I've quit the nine to five existence. They mostly just assume I'm being kept by my husband, though, which is all the more annoying because it's actually the other way around.

slappy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #20 on: September 08, 2017, 02:32:46 PM »
Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

{snip}


I think my response to a question like that would be "Does that make a difference in the terms of painting my home?"

Why does the painter care whether you own your home? Could just be idle chatter but it does sound like he was either trying to put you in a box or perhaps had something to sell you.

I routinely get "the look" when I tell people I've quit the nine to five existence. They mostly just assume I'm being kept by my husband, though, which is all the more annoying because it's actually the other way around.

I assume the painter cared because he wanted the business. If she was a renter, the landlord may say no and then he wouldn't get the business.

GrumpyPenguin

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #21 on: September 08, 2017, 02:39:35 PM »
I find the topic amusing, but me?  I don't really get looks.  Don't own a home, or a car, and my significant other thinks I dress a bit like a bum sometimes... I guess the only real luxury I'm prepared to spend significant money on is time in retirement :).  Heck, I think even when I talk about retiring early, I don't really get looks because I think they doubt that I actually can.

TrMama

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #22 on: September 08, 2017, 03:30:17 PM »
I went to the bank at one point because I was transferring money from my old work pension plan (had just been laid off and needed to move money out of the plan or eat really high fees).  It was December, pretty snowy, and I had biked there in somewhat scruffy looking clothes.  I had made an appointment, but things at the bank were running a bit late.  Eventually the person I was supposed to talk to showed up and we went to her cubicle.  She was actually kinda rude to me as we were going through what I wanted to do.  Then she started asking me some (I guess) standard questions for this bank.  Eventually we got to:

Do you currently own your home?
How much debt are you carrying?
How much is your current net worth?

After the answer to the third question, she gave me a funny look . . . then typed furiously into her computer for a few minutes, then gave me a funny look again, then excused herself.  About a minute later I met the branch manager, who apparently decided that it was important that he handle my  business personally.  It was bizarre how nice they suddenly became because they had figured out I wasn't broke.

Wow, how uncool of them. My dad used to be a broker at a bank. He was the guy people were sent to when they walked in off the street with <$X to invest (in the days before self-directed investing). He said he quickly figured out that a person's NW was inversely proportional to the cost and age of their outfit. Apparently his highest NW clients mostly wore really old jeans and ski sweaters.

I get "the look" every time I go to the bank and the rep realizes I'm related to my MIL. She's know there for having an overdrawn account and for being bad with money. I like seeing the look on their faces when they pull up my accounts.

I also get "the look" anytime the topic of investing comes up. People seem surprised that I know what I'm talking about. This one irritates me.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #23 on: September 08, 2017, 03:39:03 PM »
I usually get "The Look" for doing something that other people consider to be cheap, not because they're surprised I have money. I got a serious dose of "Look" from one of those sample people in the supermarket. She gave me a coupon for a brand of standard milk, like $1 off or something, and was shocked when I went for my usual brand that STILL worked out 5cents cheaper. She couldn't seem to understand why 5 cents cheaper overall was better than $1 off on one.....

Note to add that milk in NZ is centrally processed. It all comes out of the same frickin vat and you're really only paying for packaging and branding differences if you buy standard milk and not the bells and whistles added calcium and all that jazz.

LiveLean

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #24 on: September 08, 2017, 03:59:25 PM »
We've been in our current home for 18 years and it was a lot of house for when we bought it as 29-year-olds. It's still a lot of house, which is why we're looking to downsize.

I do a lot of my own yardwork and, especially in those early years, solicitors and other folks pulling into the driveway would ask if I knew when the owner of the house would be back.

I always tell them I have no idea. I'm just the yard guy.
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FI4good

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #25 on: September 08, 2017, 04:25:38 PM »
My bank don't know my net worth as things get pulled out of there pretty sharpish .

Most of my money disappears into pension accounts even before it's transferred to them by my employer.

I dress kinda messy , cheap cotton t-shirts from superstores all of which have holes on the left of my chest where the cat likes to paw me , track pants or chino type shorts that are all a bit oil stained or have a few holes in places, I tend to wear sneakers till the soles fall off and an old battered gardening hat if the sun is shining . I shave my head with clippers so that looks kinda cheap.

The only time i ever get the look is when i get into my 44 year old Rolls Royce , surprisingly cheap to run as it qualifies in the uk as historic so it's road tax free, MOT is easy going and the insurance is cheap as i only do 2000 miles a year on average. Because i'm an engineer i can deal with all the maintenance and complexity a 44 year old car can throw at me and there is no depreciation.

laserlady

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #26 on: September 08, 2017, 04:34:22 PM »
I had a paper route growing up and saved up my earnings in a credit union account in my home town.  I went to undergrad and law school on scholarships, and lived off of what I made at summer jobs and part-time school jobs, using a different bank account.  I think I dipped into my paper route money once or twice when I was in undergrad, but for the most part it was my emergency stash that I never touched.

When I graduated from law school and was about to move across the country for a new job, I decided to buy a car to use for the trip and afterwards.  The friend who helped me with this asked what my budget was, and I said $5,000, which was about what I could afford from my normal bank account.  At the end of the first day of car-hunting, he asked if I could possibly bump my budget up into the $6-10K range so I could get something more reliable than the clunkers we'd been looking at so far.  He suggested that maybe I should look into getting a car loan.  And that's when I remembered my paper route money and realized that this would probably be a good time to use a bit of my emergency stash.  So I told him, "Oh, actually, I just remembered that I've got $5000 more than I thought I did, so that should be fine."

I definitely got a Look for that.  I guess most people don't just forget about half their net worth, especially when they're living on an extreme shoestring budget.

[In case anyone wants to know the rest of the story, we found a good high-mileage car for $6200, and I'm still using it eleven years later.]

mozar

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #27 on: September 08, 2017, 04:44:12 PM »
I get looks all the time for various reasons. I wish people would mind their own business. Anyways most recently I was having my house inspected to be certified to rent a room in my house. The inspector asked where the owner is and I said that's me. Got the look. I guess most people believe whatever they see on tv, people who do this, look like this. And sexism too obviously. Women were not allowed to have mortgages until about 30 years ago. You had to find a man to cosign.
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Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #28 on: September 08, 2017, 05:10:37 PM »
I'm 40 years old, apparently young-looking for my age, and working a moderately-paid but impressive-sounding job. We're not client-facing in this office so there is no dress code expectation... I'm generally in jeans and a (nice) T-shirt and comfy shoes. I'm always having people I meet outside of work assume I'm a student. I definitely get a 'look' when I laugh and say, no, actually I'm a 40-year-old executive at a national magazine publisher. Imagine what they'd say if they knew I had almost $300k NW in liquid assets ;-)

I always tell them I have no idea. I'm just the yard guy.

I don't think it happens so much now that he's in his 70s, but my dad (multi-million NW, low/mid six figure job, million-dollar house) has always done his own yardwork, and I'm sure he got a lot of Looks :-)
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marty998

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #29 on: September 09, 2017, 05:52:14 AM »

The only time i ever get the look is when i get into my 44 year old Rolls Royce , surprisingly cheap to run as it qualifies in the uk as historic so it's road tax free, MOT is easy going and the insurance is cheap as i only do 2000 miles a year on average. Because i'm an engineer i can deal with all the maintenance and complexity a 44 year old car can throw at me and there is no depreciation.

+1

I like this.

dreams_and_discoveries

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #30 on: September 09, 2017, 06:21:49 AM »
Yeah, I notice I get treated very differently by some people depending on what I'm wearing....

I now use this to my advantage, as I care less and less about appearances.....it's amazing how many people treat me as if I'm poor.

For example, I like the standing tickets at the opera, they are a bargain at around 15, and the same view as the 190 seats you stand behind. Two of the last three times I've been standing there, I've scored a free program from someone who obviously has some of package with programs included and didn't want them to go to waste.


matchewed

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #31 on: September 09, 2017, 07:23:02 AM »

brooklynmoney

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #32 on: September 09, 2017, 07:27:54 AM »
This makes me laugh because I had a guy install a new hot water heater and he was so impressed with my condo which I have nicely furnished (I buy some off Craigslist but some I buy new and keep for decades). I keep my place immaculate. He asked me all kinds of questions about if I own it and if I live alone and then he was like damn it's really hot when a lady has it together. It would have been creepy but he was so nice and genuine.

Lazy_Spartan

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #33 on: September 09, 2017, 09:20:18 AM »
I got "The Look" big time when a few years ago I drove up to a house for sale alone (single woman) in coastal SoCal in my old beater truck, wearing ratty shorts,  tank top, tennis shoes, hair in a ponytail and probably looking like a perky cheerleader and said I wanted to buy the place. With cash. And no I don't have a job or a hubby.

I have gotten "The Look" for other reasons too (the kind of jobs I had or activities I do because I'm a woman) but the financial and FIRE at a fairly youngish age are the best. It cracks me up when people assume I'm poor because of the car I drive or clothes I wear or things I do. Even friends. Seems they are always telling me that if I go back to work I could afford to buy fancy cars and designer clothes or luxury spa vacations. Little do they know ;-).
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 09:24:17 AM by Lazy_Spartan »
Retired at 42

GreenSheep

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #34 on: September 09, 2017, 09:24:57 AM »
Haha, banks.

I once walked into the bank with two $14,000 checks to deposit, and the teller asked if I wanted that in cash. I just said no thanks, deposit please, and she looked down at the checks again and realized there were more zeros than she had initially noticed.

Another person at the bank told me it probably wasn't worth the fee to wire "$200" to the escrow company to buy my house. I corrected him: "No, it says on the paper work there, $200,000."

I'm in my late 30s, have been told I look young for my age, and wore a sundress to the bank both times.

I also get the look when I tell people at work that I plan to retire in 2.5 years. The most common questions are "What are you going to do?" (Whatever the hell I want) and "What are you going to live on?" (Investments) The "investments" answer surprises people; I think they assume I have a trust fund or a rich husband or something.

Imma

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #35 on: September 09, 2017, 10:31:34 AM »
I get The Look a lot, and I'm not even wealthy yet!

I'm in my late twenties and on my days off I can probably pass for early twenties. I have long blonde hair, no kids in tow and dress casually and without makeup when I can.

When my partner and I were buying a house a few years back, a lot of sales and bank people behaved quite patronizing and sometimes downright mean to me. They thought I was either getting a house from the bank of mum and dad or was taking advantage of a rich husband. In fact it was neither: just hard work from two sides. I was temporarily without a job, but brought in a lot of savings and legal knowledge. As I was between jobs at that point, I was the contact person for the bank during the buying process. They would routinely forward every e-mail I sent to them to my partner to check if he knew what crazy stuff I was asking for this time. Needless to say we switched banks. That first bank also nearly interrogated to find out where the money from our downpayment came from. Savings wasn't an adequate answer. In their mind it was absolutely impossible for two mid-twenties kids who don't even look professional to be able to save one gross yearly income as a downpayment. Since my partner has wild hair and a beard I'm sure they thought it was crime related.

The second bank was very commercial and was only interested in fixing us a mortgage asap. Since we had the knowledge and limited time, this was ideal for us, we just disregarded the bad overall financial advice they gave us. ( A few of those are post-worthy in themselves: like that we definitely needed expensive travel insurance, even if we weren't planning on travelling for a while because we just bought a fixer upper. Because you just might decide to travel tomorrow and then you'll be left without insurance. You can't plan life, it happens to you, so you definitely need to be covered by travel insurance always, just in case).

I'm always conscious that people perceive me as poor because I don't have a car and live in a small house in a 'bad' neighbourhood. The area we live in is actually very convenient for us and not dangerous at all - in fact, even a bike theft is rare. It has a bad reputation because it's a working class neighbourhood, but we were born and bred in areas like these and we feel right at home here. Sometimes we slip up with neighbours though, and get The Look from them, because despite having modest jobs and living in this house, we're not living paycheck to paycheck. We try to avoid showing off that we have money. 

Because I live under these circumstances, my boss feels sorry for me and gives me a big raise every year. I need to pretend to him that I really need this job and the yearly pay rise, because he's known to stop giving them once he feels you're financially comfortable. So I don't tell him that I could live off half of my modest paycheck if I had to and invest all the extra money I get from him. My family never knows what to make of our financial situation either. On one hand, they know we're doing all right, because I tell them so they don't have to worry. On the other hand they try to give us things and small sums in cash because they think we're going without. While I like to get used stuff so I don't have to buy new, I don't want them to feel they have to give me anything, because they don't. And they shouldn't take pity on us because we take the train because we choose to.

Lski'stash

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #36 on: September 09, 2017, 11:14:27 AM »
In our old house, which was way too big for my DH and I, a guy in a suit knocked on the door and asked for the owner of the house when I answered, thinking that it must have been my parents house. When I told him that I was the owner, his face was a little...scrunched. Then he went on about some speech about real estate in the area and was looking for potential sellers, to which I said, 'no thanks,' and shut the door in his face. 

We also got it when we went to the car dealership. Car dealers are absolutely awful with this stuff.

LaineyAZ

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #37 on: September 09, 2017, 11:34:16 AM »
Reminds me of the phrase from the Janis Ian song:  They "gaze at you in dull surprise."

Last time I got that Look was when I was at the bank and deposited a check for $11,000.  The teller asked if I knew that the check deposit wouldn't clear for several days, and I replied that I was fine with that.  She seemed surprised that I wasn't upset - guess they're used to customers demanding instant cash.

Before that I got the Look when I happened to mention to a VP and several directors at my megacorp job that I had scored a foreclosure house for $29,000 cash during the 2011 housing crunch.  I imagine they don't think that a regular staff person would a) have that cash available and b) use it for snapping up foreclosure properties.

gmdv

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Re: Do you ever get &quot;The Look&quot;?
« Reply #38 on: September 09, 2017, 11:43:55 AM »
When I came to clean my house before moving in, I caught my neighbor trying to break into my backyard (supposedly to clean up the dead trees left by the previous owner that were poking into their yard). She brought her son over for introduction and asked if I was the "cleaning girl." When I told her I'm the new owner,  she gave me "the look." I was wearing the same things she were wearing too, in t-shirt and workout pants.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #39 on: September 09, 2017, 12:30:01 PM »
Actually a Non-look.  dressed in black leather biker jacket, t-shirt etc.   Needed to get 100k ( prefer to remember it as 100 large, in mafioso terms) to investments.   As I remember, I asked for it as a cashiers check,and was only asked for the credit union's non photo ID card.

The Look:
Bought my second ever car with a debit card.   
"financing? - no, run the card" repeat for 15 minutes. Almost walked.

Wish I had bought paper cash or gold for the entertainment, this may be my last car. 
15k, really? Price of a Nissan Cube, got 2000 Porsche in 2011.   Works fine, even insnow,still have same tires.

poetdereves

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #40 on: September 09, 2017, 12:54:48 PM »
It happens a bit too often to DW and me. We just purchased a house and they didn't believe that we had a 20% down payment as a young couple. We were asked at least 10 times where the gift money/inheritance came from. My wife literally made a "money tree" to show where it all came from to get things rolling so that we can close soon.

Our realtor and lenders did not understand why we want such a small house (3/2 and 1600sq ft), which we do not feel is small at all. They continually badgered us to look at more expensive homes because we were pre-approved for twice the amount of home we were looking for (looking for 150k ish and approved for 300k+). They even suggested paying a smaller down payment and paying PMI because it's 'not that expensive'.

Our lender waited to pull our credit and told us multiple times that the rate gets higher if our credit is below 750, assuming that no one in their 20's has a decent credit score. We told him we have no debt and great credit, and when he finally pulled the scores he did a double take.

Even this week my nursing school didn't understand that I wanted to pay cash for my semester of classes and offered multiple payment plans and financing options through private lenders. They said, "no one actually pays for their own school anymore".

I also get the opposite looks from people that I work with because I insist on driving my old 1990's stick shift pickup when I go to work while they all drive expensive, leased vehicles. Most of them are fellow students in their medical residencies already spending like they are full MD's, forgetting that they have nearly $400k of loans to pay off when they finish.

The looks I give are probably more noticeable than the ones I get. So many smart people and so many dumb choices.

Exflyboy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #41 on: September 09, 2017, 02:28:17 PM »
When I get the look..

1) When I show up to peoples houses that want to learn how to be FI'd.. In my '99 Dodge Neon that cost $350.

2) The two times when the car salesperson asks "and how are we financing this?".. .. Checkbook..:)

3) The best one.. I show up at the bank.. balloons and streamers everywhere (uh-oh).. I dodge the sales people get to the counter to talk to a long time employee who is clearly unimpressed with the fake party atmosphere to sell their loans etc. I say, yeah its times like these i'm glad I paid off the mortgage.. The sales gal realises I dodged her and overheard "mortgage"..

"Oh you need a mortgage?.."

Cindy (my friend) pipes up.. "oh no, Exflyboy is one of my heros he's paid his off".. Dumbfounded the sales gal looks at me and says ..

"Wow".. Yes I knew I wanted to retire early so I paid it off..

"Oh yes when do expect to retire?".. Oh about 4 years ago... The LOOK....:)

scottish

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #42 on: September 09, 2017, 04:48:06 PM »
I'm in my fifties and I still get the look.   

When we bought our house (corporate relocation) our realtor said "Could you swing a 10K deposit?".   when I said 'yep' we got the look.
Got the look again when we didn't have the offer conditioned on financing.

  Last time we bought a car (2008), I got the look twice as well.   First when I said I was paying cash.   Second when I showed up with 2 bank drafts (one from my bank and one from my broker).

I find it amazing that people my age still finance cars and other smallish purchases.

My new garage however, does not give me the look.     I say, 'well fixing it is a lot cheaper than buying a new one.'   Service manager says 'yep'.   Damn it's good to find sensible people.

marty998

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #43 on: September 09, 2017, 05:00:02 PM »
I find it amazing that people my age (fifties) still finance cars and other smallish purchases.

Worse than millennials. Because by that age those people really should know better.

BTDretire

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #44 on: September 09, 2017, 05:18:25 PM »
It happens a bit too often to DW and me. We just purchased a house and they didn't believe that we had a 20% down payment as a young couple. We were asked at least 10 times where the gift money/inheritance came from. My wife literally made a "money tree" to show where it all came from to get things rolling so that we can close soon.

 This is not new, my wife and I bought a home in the eighties and after presenting all the paperwork they ask for, the came back and ask for three more months of banking records. They didn't believe we saved the money and were trying to find a record that someone gave us a lump sum. No, we saved it.

neverrun

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #45 on: September 09, 2017, 05:27:49 PM »
Another woman in a male dominated field although not IT.  Yup I get "the look" especially with work intros.

  I'm sure I'll get the look when I pull out my checkbook for my current planned moderate renovations on the new to me house I just bought.  Nope it won't be a draw on a HELOC account or anything.  (I might still use a credit card as the cash discount is only 2%, I'm debating.)

ETA:  I don't have kids, I look younger than my years so get the look for that as well.  Um, I can soon have a full fledged midlife crisis, while not old by any standards I'm not young anymore.  Oh my midlife crisis might be RE at this rate.  My most recent on my project house

Seller's Lawyer:  Oh are you a first time home buyer?
Me:  Nope it's my 4th home (I move for work and work takes care of the transaction costs which allows me to buy even for shorter periods of times.)
Seller's Lawyer looks slightly confused.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 05:36:30 PM by neverrun »

SwordGuy

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #46 on: September 09, 2017, 06:23:20 PM »
The look followed by accusations and finally anger.  The worst time was when my husband and I paid cash for our house.  The title company didn't believe us and proceeded to ask us who gave us the cash and said "normally people come in bragging and I find out that grandpa loaned them the money."    See, people our age just don't have that kind of cash and apparently making a cash transaction is bragging.  Well, it was a depressed housing market and we took advantage of a property that was days before foreclosure.  Our offer was accepted over several higher offers because there was no time to deal with financing from the other potential buyers.  The bank jumped on the cash offer.  We got a DEAL on that house so that man can think I'm a liar all he wants.   

It's not the title company's damned business where you got the money.   

A bank who is loaning you money?  Sure.

A title company?   Tell them to f* off and ask to speak to their manager.
If they are the owner and there's no time to do business elsewhere, write a complaint to the various regulatory and professional agencies.   

Kay-Ell

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #47 on: September 09, 2017, 06:26:27 PM »
I definitely got the look when I bought and moved into my first house at age 26. When I met a neighbor down the street he asked what my parents did. Confused why he was asking, I just answered him even though they live in another state. Then he mentioned that my house had been for sale recently. I looked at him blankly and said "yes, I know... I bought it!" Then it was his turn to look blankly at me and then said "oh... I thought you were in high school..."

rdaneel0

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #48 on: September 09, 2017, 06:39:44 PM »
Yep, every time I go to the bank.

The biggest look I got was when I went to the bank at 23 in short denim cutoffs, sandals, and a white tank top and they saw $20k in my savings account in addition to the $5k I was depositing that day (I was just starting to learn about investing, which is why I had so much in one place, facepalm).

They immediately took me to a private office and tried to sell me on all these different investments. I let them convert my savings into a money market account, but told them I didn't want anything else because I already had investments planned and would be moving that money soon. Haha, they were so floored, it was like something short circuited in their brains.

sparkytheop

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Re: Do you ever get "The Look"?
« Reply #49 on: September 09, 2017, 09:19:52 PM »
I've gotten "the look" so many times, I almost don't notice anymore.

Female, started programming in Jr. High.  Work in male dominated field (former electrician, now a related but different field).  Got pregnant in high school (then got married shortly after).  Bought house young (I was 19, then husband was 20, money came from what I earned as a kid delivering the newspaper, through jobs in high school).  Ex left when I was 22.  Bought current house when I was 26(?)  Sent my son to a private school, where I was only one of two single moms (the other's parents were paying for her kid to go there) and one of very few working moms.  Many of those families struggled to pay the tuition, while I was asking if I could get a discount for paying it in one lump sum at the beginning of the year.

Put myself through an associates degree while working 30+ hours a week.  Through it all, I have been a saver, lived frugally, etc, etc.  I've even gone on some amazing vacations (including several trips to Europe, the most recent was for 5 weeks).  People are shocked when they find out I have always paid a credit card balance in full (except when I had one with 0% interest, then I would just pay it in full before the interest kicked in.)

I look young, my son looks old, so I get some really confused looks when he is with me.

I also do a lot of my own repairs.  The guy at the nearby hardware store has pretty much stopped questioning me when I need some parts/tools, and will just help me find them.  I still threw him though when we found that a tool I wanted didn't exist (or at least, he'd never heard of one and they didn't have any), and I made the comment "looks like I'll have to make it myself."