Hi all, thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. It's been so busy--it's actually what prompted the initial post. I was just very frustrated with myself because it is crunch reporting time at work and on Monday, I was dawdling along. To ensure I don't dawdle much more, I hope the following summarizes what I do and why I know it's my darn frustrating fault. I apologize for not addressing all the posts directly.
When faced with pressure or something I don't want to do, I...just do nothing. I suppose it's all very passive-aggressive. The shrink said this form of procrastination is due to perfectionism. If I can't do something perfectly, then instead of admitting it--I avoid. I think it's more along the lines of fear of failure. In either case, what happens is that eventually I have to do the job, task or chore and then I whip into action. It's a frantic rush to the finish and more often than not, I've managed to be "successful." Somehow I have an advanced degree and generally been well-employed, albeit as a worker bee. That's the facade, the backstory is many, many all-nighters and rush jobs.
Each time I complete something, I tell myself, "Never again." I know the drama and stress I put myself through. I know that if only I had just started the task earlier, I could save myself the recrimination. But it seems I can only work under intense pressure, however much it drives me to despair. My pop psychoanalysis of this is that only the drop dead deadline will drive me to do something I don't want to do. Or if it's something I'm afraid of not doing well--I can say at the end, "oh well, I did the best I could considering how little time I had for such a difficult task..."
Basically this MO permeates everything I do now--ranging from household chores to my job to even personal relationships. And I feel this ultra-reactive approach while successful in getting things done in some aspects of life--it's not healthy in many other ways. And when without something to react to, I kinda just slumber along. Hence the whine about not maximizing opportunities and such.
Oh well, I fear I rambled on too much again. I'm not sure what I expected the responses would be. The psycho stuff needs more than a forum posting I suppose...I did spend some, okay a lot of time, looking at organizational tools and apps to at least help with the process component. Even if a process improves some parts a little--it would be a marked improvement. Of course, it's only been a couple of days. I've been down this road before--will I be as diligent with my to-do lists 3 months from now?