Author Topic: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement  (Read 5394 times)

ysette9

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I took a Crucial Conversations class at work several years back and as a result am on their mailing list. The article that came out today approaches the old questions of what to do when your spouse isn't on board with saving for retirement, but from a different angle than most of the responses I've seen on this forum. It is easy for us to talk about the numbers but much harder to figure out how to reach common ground with someone who approaches money very differently. This might be an interesting read for some.

http://www.crucialskills.com/2016/04/being-at-odds-with-your-spouse/

Miss Piggy

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2016, 08:58:28 AM »
Thanks for sharing that.

Moustachienne

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2016, 09:02:02 AM »
The style is a bit over the top for me but the idea is spot on.  Finding a mutual purpose with your partner is everything and if you're not partnered, identifying your own purpose is also key.  FIRE is a means to an end.  Discovering a satisfying end is the real challenge.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2016, 05:18:39 AM »
Identifying your own purpose is also key.  FIRE is a means to an end.  Discovering a satisfying end is the real challenge.

Very true. One of the hardest challenges I've ever faced, and still learning every day.  Very well said, Moustachienne.

erae

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2016, 07:08:22 AM »
I worked with adolescents for most of my 20's and received some training in non-violent communication, which picks up similar themes around purpose and understanding. One of the most useful techniques I've found is the idea of breaking a conflict into an expression of needs. In my own marriage and path to ER, my partner has a greater need for security than I do, so my guiding question with him is often, "what do you need from this plan/investment/portfolio to feel secure?" and it's often easier than I expected to meet his threshold for security.

tooqk4u22

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2016, 08:08:05 AM »
For those with SO on different pages this is a challenge, even for those that aren't far apart.  I have some expenses in my life that would make a true MMM'er cringe but its not all about me.  When you have a partner, there needs to be compromise. 

Unfortunately, I internalize it or feel responsible for getting to a point that meets the her desired lifestyle - I am not comfortable reverting to the lowest common denominator (me). 

Miss Piggy

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Re: Crucial Conversations: When spouses disagree on saving for retirement
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2016, 08:15:58 AM »
The style is a bit over the top for me but the idea is spot on.  Finding a mutual purpose with your partner is everything and if you're not partnered, identifying your own purpose is also key. 

I wish our politicians would focus on mutual purpose instead of digging in their heels on long-standing (but often outdated) beliefs simply because they're affiliated with one party or another. But I digress...