Author Topic: Creepy message ...UPDATED!  (Read 14063 times)

SweetLife

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Creepy message ...UPDATED!
« on: August 03, 2017, 05:27:56 AM »
I received a message from another MMM'r on this site that creeped me out a bit so I have removed as many of my postings as I could. Odd how I had never considered any possible negative ramifications of being on this site!
In future I will edit my posts such that my location and position are not as easily discovered.

Poopies.

At least my experience has turned out positive! The MMR'r I received the message from does have English as a second language (bonus points for all the posters who mentioned this) AND ended up sending me a message chock FULL of information that will help me plan my retirement... I am sad I thought this MMM'rs message was creepy at first! Happy now that I have the full story.

BUT it is still a good idea to limit locational info - that is what I take out of the stories below


« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 11:16:17 AM by SweetLife »
Typos will happen, corrections appreciated, or just ignore ;)

FIstateofmind

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2017, 07:12:55 AM »
Didn't happen to me, but I also felt creeper out at how much info I had on here... the internet can be scary!
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semiretired31

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2017, 07:21:13 AM »
Care to elaborate?  Creepy how?

ponyboy

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2017, 07:46:06 AM »
Unless you're posting place of work, hometown, address, etc etc...what is there to worry about? 

prognastat

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2017, 07:51:33 AM »
Unless you're posting place of work, hometown, address, etc etc...what is there to worry about?

It is possible for people to find out who you are if they know you in real life and you provide way less than that.

SilveradoBojangles

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2017, 08:00:31 AM »
I think that it's easy to get caught up in personal conversations with other members and forget that they are public. I've seen people post things that provide a great deal of info about where they work or live. It's not that people are posting their addresses, but multiple small thing over time can make it fairly easy to figure things out about people. Alternatively I've seen people post pictures of their home that can be used in a reverse image search. Over time a dedicated and creepy sleuth could find out quite a lot about a poster on here.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think that as a woman I'm hyper vigilant about what information I put out there, because creepy]iness is a regular occurrence all over the internet (though I have never experienced it here).

Dicey

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2017, 08:10:31 AM »
You can always just change your handle.
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NinetyFour

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2017, 08:12:06 AM »
Did you report it to the mods?  Hope so.
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2017, 08:32:56 AM »
The personal message said that the person figured out in 8 seconds who I work for ... went on to say would look for financials and email me back with suggestions... they had posted only 11 times previously and I thought it was weird ... At the time I did what I thought would be the best "up front" course ... asked the person how the weather was in "their small province" which I got from going over a few of their posts ... and haven't heard from them again ... but saw the message again yesterday and it still freaks me out lol.... likely nothing but I will definitely be more circumspect in future as some of you know I have a family and want them protected at all costs. And have been watching too much news tv again at work (never good seeing all the killers/stalkers/ridiculous stories)

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Dicey

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2017, 08:34:09 AM »
Sometimes creepy is subjective. There was a guy in a different division my company who always used slightly smarmy phraseology, and I thought he was a total creep. Imagine my horror when I was transferred to that division and he became the other half of my sales team. I was this close to FIRE, so I reluctantly put up with it. He turned out to be a prince of a guy, who really made my life easier. What I eventually realized was that he is on the autism spectrum and occasionally just used really weird, stilted language. So, so glad I decided to give him a chance.

I am NOT saying not to run from a creep, but is it possible it was just awkward phrasing?

Definitely run it by a Moderator.

« Last Edit: August 03, 2017, 06:22:00 PM by Dicey »
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2017, 08:41:54 AM »
I think that it's easy to get caught up in personal conversations with other members and forget that they are public. I've seen people post things that provide a great deal of info about where they work or live. It's not that people are posting their addresses, but multiple small thing over time can make it fairly easy to figure things out about people. Alternatively I've seen people post pictures of their home that can be used in a reverse image search. Over time a dedicated and creepy sleuth could find out quite a lot about a poster on here.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think that as a woman I'm hyper vigilant about what information I put out there, because creepy]iness is a regular occurrence all over the internet (though I have never experienced it here).

Thank you... I try not to be paranoid lol... but its the second time I've had a PM that was overly friendly from posters I had never commented on or talked to ... I can see if there was a history of posting with someone it could be as a "wake up" message hey... you're giving out too much info! ... but from a complete stranger???!!! The first one wanted to meet up and was from a man... that one was really odd too but I just ignored it. I guess its because it was the second one I've got that it creeped me out more this time...
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2017, 08:44:35 AM »
Sometimes creepy is subjective. There was a guy in a different division my company who always used slightly smarmy phraseology, and I thought he was a total creep. Imagine my horror when I was transferred to that division and he became the other half of my sales team. I was this close to FIRE, so I reluctantly put up with it. He turned out to be a prince of a guy, who really made my life easier. What I eventually realized was that he is on the autism spectrum and occasionally just used really wierd, stilted language. So, so glad I decided to give him a chance.

I am NOT saying not to run from a creep, but is it possible it was just awkward phrasing?

Definitely run it by a Moderator.

It's possible English was his second language ... and possible awkward phrasing ... but I had never spoken or commented on anything by this person which is likely why it made me pause.

Really I just feel better putting it out there ... and now I will remember to be more careful on what I write.
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jlcnuke

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2017, 08:58:39 AM »
I think that it's easy to get caught up in personal conversations with other members and forget that they are public. I've seen people post things that provide a great deal of info about where they work or live. It's not that people are posting their addresses, but multiple small thing over time can make it fairly easy to figure things out about people. Alternatively I've seen people post pictures of their home that can be used in a reverse image search. Over time a dedicated and creepy sleuth could find out quite a lot about a poster on here.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think that as a woman I'm hyper vigilant about what information I put out there, because creepy]iness is a regular occurrence all over the internet (though I have never experienced it here).

Thank you... I try not to be paranoid lol... but its the second time I've had a PM that was overly friendly from posters I had never commented on or talked to ... I can see if there was a history of posting with someone it could be as a "wake up" message hey... you're giving out too much info! ... but from a complete stranger???!!! The first one wanted to meet up and was from a man... that one was really odd too but I just ignored it. I guess its because it was the second one I've got that it creeped me out more this time...

I've let strangers know that I could easily figure out (or see) personal information based on their internet posts in the past (on other forums anyway, don't think I've seen/done that here). I thought I was doing them a favor as generally they didn't realize how easily they had made it to see such info. I never thought someone might find that creepy though.. as it's just a "watch out what you're sharing because there are creeps out there" kinda thing.

SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2017, 09:16:06 AM »
Hey Sweet life I got a seriously creepy RL stalker from (I believe) this site because I put out too much personal info here. He lived close by and "found" me and the antics began. And are still somewhat ongoing although its been taken care of and I am in.the process of moving so less concerned now. But to avoid future (very unlikely) problems with someone else I deleted most of my former posts and started fresh with much less info. Contact a mod too.

In fact a mod contacted me (very impressive!!)... I really love this site and would hate to have to leave ... I have received such wonderful support and helpful information it would terrible to have to leave... though I may decide to just reinvent the wheel lol...


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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2017, 09:21:07 AM »
I think that it's easy to get caught up in personal conversations with other members and forget that they are public. I've seen people post things that provide a great deal of info about where they work or live. It's not that people are posting their addresses, but multiple small thing over time can make it fairly easy to figure things out about people. Alternatively I've seen people post pictures of their home that can be used in a reverse image search. Over time a dedicated and creepy sleuth could find out quite a lot about a poster on here.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think that as a woman I'm hyper vigilant about what information I put out there, because creepy]iness is a regular occurrence all over the internet (though I have never experienced it here).

Thank you... I try not to be paranoid lol... but its the second time I've had a PM that was overly friendly from posters I had never commented on or talked to ... I can see if there was a history of posting with someone it could be as a "wake up" message hey... you're giving out too much info! ... but from a complete stranger???!!! The first one wanted to meet up and was from a man... that one was really odd too but I just ignored it. I guess its because it was the second one I've got that it creeped me out more this time...

I've let strangers know that I could easily figure out (or see) personal information based on their internet posts in the past (on other forums anyway, don't think I've seen/done that here). I thought I was doing them a favor as generally they didn't realize how easily they had made it to see such info. I never thought someone might find that creepy though.. as it's just a "watch out what you're sharing because there are creeps out there" kinda thing.

I can see your point as well... but maybe had the poster said that I would have been more understanding ... sometimes I do forget that this is a public forum ... and there may be unbalanced people even on a site such as this... a good wake up for me ... I've always warned friends and family against posting too much info and here I am doing the same thing lol.... It's funny to realize when I was single I didn't worry as much, now I have a family to watch out for too ...
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2017, 09:22:57 AM »
It also makes me uncomfortable these days too as it is the first time I have a positive net worth and no debt ... what a weird feeling.
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jim555

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2017, 09:42:24 AM »
"Hey baby, I want to see your glide path."  --- MMM creep

FireHiker

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #17 on: August 03, 2017, 09:58:33 AM »
Yikes, that's alarming actually. I hope it was actually harmless, but it's a good reminder to be careful about what we post. Of course I'm the idiot who has my location in my user name because I couldn't think of anything creative...I wonder sometimes when things like this come up if I should change it to something different entirely, and then my laziness gets the better of me.

SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #18 on: August 03, 2017, 10:41:06 AM »
"Hey baby, I want to see your glide path."  --- MMM creep

Thank you Investopedia for helping me out with this
What is the 'Glide Path'

The glide path refers to a formula that defines the asset allocation mix of a target date fund, based on the number of years to the target date. The glide path creates an asset allocation that becomes more conservative (i.e., includes more fixed-income assets and fewer equities) the closer a fund gets to the target date.

BREAKING DOWN 'Glide Path'

Target date funds have become very popular among those who are saving for retirement. They are based on the simple premise that the younger the investor, the longer the time horizon he or she has and the greater the risk he or she can take to potentially increase returns. A young investor's portfolio, for example, should contain mostly equities. In contrast, an older investor would hold a more conservative portfolio, with fewer equities and more fixed-income investments.

Each family of target date funds will have a different glide path, which determines how the asset mix changes as the target date approaches. Some have a very steep trajectory, becoming dramatically more conservative just a few years before the target date. Others will take a more gradual approach.

The asset mix at the target date can be quite different as well. Some target date funds assume that the investor will want a high degree of safety and liquidity, because he or she might use the funds to purchase an annuity. Other target date funds assume that the investor will hold onto the funds, and will therefore include more equities in the asset mix, reflecting a longer time horizon.

Ha ha ha ... Oh I love having to look stuff up and learn new terms lol!!! ;)
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #19 on: August 03, 2017, 10:42:35 AM »
Yikes, that's alarming actually. I hope it was actually harmless, but it's a good reminder to be careful about what we post. Of course I'm the idiot who has my location in my user name because I couldn't think of anything creative...I wonder sometimes when things like this come up if I should change it to something different entirely, and then my laziness gets the better of me.
Lol... I purposely didn't use my normal user name because it give me away entirely lol... 
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GenXbiker

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #20 on: August 03, 2017, 10:42:52 AM »
Hey Sweet life I got a seriously creepy RL stalker from (I believe) this site because I put out too much personal info here. He lived close by and "found" me and the antics began. And are still somewhat ongoing
Yes, that is indeed very creepy.  I've never had anything like that happen nor received any feedback from anyone that they've ever identified me via what I have posted, even on a local news forum.

Cali Nonya

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #21 on: August 03, 2017, 10:58:23 AM »
Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

Lis

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #22 on: August 03, 2017, 11:12:21 AM »
My first sabbatical from the MMM forum was because of another member (who is no longer active) messaging me. It started off with him asking a few questions about Fiverr, which I had posted about on some thread regarding side hustles. Then he stated Fiverr was a bit bizarre because young attractive females could get paid to write messages on their bodies, and he noticed I stated I was a young, short woman on another thread, and did I offer that service on Fiverr and what was my username there...

Big ol' NOPE. Didn't even think to run it by the moderators tbh, but I'm happy to know that's an option.

jlcnuke

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #23 on: August 03, 2017, 11:48:18 AM »
Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

Yeah, creepy is very subjective... 50 Shades of Grey is a horror movie if the guy is missing teeth, works at a gas station, and lives in a trailer park... :D

slappy

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #24 on: August 03, 2017, 12:17:32 PM »
I'm usually pretty careful online but this thread makes me realize that I'm a bit more lax on this forum. In two of my recent posts I've mentioned what kind of car I drive and what town I live in. 

Did anyone else raise an eyebrow at the "how did you get your username" thread? For me, that could potentially give away my identity if the right person/people were reading and cared. I've seen something similar posted in other forums and I always run away from those types of posts.


jlcnuke

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #25 on: August 03, 2017, 12:27:59 PM »
I'm usually pretty careful online but this thread makes me realize that I'm a bit more lax on this forum. In two of my recent posts I've mentioned what kind of car I drive and what town I live in. 

Did anyone else raise an eyebrow at the "how did you get your username" thread? For me, that could potentially give away my identity if the right person/people were reading and cared. I've seen something similar posted in other forums and I always run away from those types of posts.

As a general rule, I try not to behave in such a manner that my internet postings would cause personal and/or professional problems. As such, I'm not really inclined to care that much about how "private" my "anonymous" username keeps me.  Millions of people have seen me in real life in passing and/or in close proximity without any issues, and I don't think expanding the number to include those who frequent some forums/etc is a significantly higher risk to me than a random person who sees me at the pool hall I go to regularly, or the bank I visit, or my office, or the grocery stores, or in traffic, or anywhere else I'm frequently at. Unfortunately, people will attract stalkers or other people with problems who could be someone they need to be protected from- but that can happen in real life or on the internet. I just don't see that those people with issues on the internet are any more likely to do so to me than such people IRL.

slappy

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2017, 12:54:05 PM »
I'm usually pretty careful online but this thread makes me realize that I'm a bit more lax on this forum. In two of my recent posts I've mentioned what kind of car I drive and what town I live in. 

Did anyone else raise an eyebrow at the "how did you get your username" thread? For me, that could potentially give away my identity if the right person/people were reading and cared. I've seen something similar posted in other forums and I always run away from those types of posts.

As a general rule, I try not to behave in such a manner that my internet postings would cause personal and/or professional problems. As such, I'm not really inclined to care that much about how "private" my "anonymous" username keeps me.  Millions of people have seen me in real life in passing and/or in close proximity without any issues, and I don't think expanding the number to include those who frequent some forums/etc is a significantly higher risk to me than a random person who sees me at the pool hall I go to regularly, or the bank I visit, or my office, or the grocery stores, or in traffic, or anywhere else I'm frequently at. Unfortunately, people will attract stalkers or other people with problems who could be someone they need to be protected from- but that can happen in real life or on the internet. I just don't see that those people with issues on the internet are any more likely to do so to me than such people IRL.

That's fair. I was actually thinking more along the lines of security. For example, if my bank account security question is what street did you live on growing up or what was my first car and I happen to post that my username is because I grew up on such and such a street or that my username is because my first car was a corvette or something.   Now that would require someone finding out who I am, where I bank/invest and my account username. But if my bank username is the same as my MMM handle, that could be easy to do. Of course I would be far more careful with choosing usernames and passwords, so maybe I'm just paranoid.  Some people are not careful with choosing usernames and passwords, so I guess it could happen.

I actually don't care much if people know who I am, so you are right about that. Even if the few people who would recognize my username figured me out, I wouldn't care at all. I'd be impressed that they read MMM!

TabbyCat

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #27 on: August 03, 2017, 01:01:46 PM »
I'm usually pretty careful online but this thread makes me realize that I'm a bit more lax on this forum. In two of my recent posts I've mentioned what kind of car I drive and what town I live in. 

Did anyone else raise an eyebrow at the "how did you get your username" thread? For me, that could potentially give away my identity if the right person/people were reading and cared. I've seen something similar posted in other forums and I always run away from those types of posts.

As a general rule, I try not to behave in such a manner that my internet postings would cause personal and/or professional problems. As such, I'm not really inclined to care that much about how "private" my "anonymous" username keeps me. 

I agree, but a lot of us come on here for input on financial decisions that we would prefer not to share at work (when we plan to quit, and it's soon) or maybe even with family (how much money we have that *could* be used to bail out someone making poor decisions). I agree though that it's a good reminder to not share little details that could make you easy to find, and that can be easy to do if someone happens to be in the same area and can pick up on seemingly innocuous detail.

Cali Nonya

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #28 on: August 03, 2017, 01:02:03 PM »
I will admit the thought has crossed my mind a time or two that if you were someone looking for targets for things such as identity theft, a site like this that attracts people with assets would be a target.

Imma

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #29 on: August 03, 2017, 01:31:50 PM »
Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

No, generally women attract the creeps, instead of being the creeps.

I have only good experiences with the internet so far, although I do make sure I don't give out too much personal information, but I did meet a creepy guy in a bar once who still pops up now and then. I met him when I was having after work drinks with coworkers. I got talking to him and I told him my first name and he somehow picked up that we worked at a local, well-known company. He was really nice to me, but too friendly (trying to touch me all the time) and slightly weird so I went home after a while. I had a Linked-in invitation from him the very same evening. He had 0 contacts and clearly only made that profile so he could get in touch with me. As the company I worked for had more than 2000 employees and I have a very common name, he must have spent some time finding me. He sent me personal messages for some time, but it eventually stopped. More than 5 years later, I can see he still looks up my profile regularly but he doesn't try to get in touch anymore. I'm sure he's harmless, but it did creep me out.

With This Herring

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #30 on: August 03, 2017, 01:35:34 PM »
I have sent PMs to warn new members who appear to be using their ENTIRE REAL NAMES as their MMM handles.  That just seems like a bad idea.  I think they have all changed their handles quickly, but I could be wrong.

Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

Yeah, creepy is very subjective... 50 Shades of Grey is a horror movie if the guy is missing teeth, works at a gas station, and lives in a trailer park... :D

I would have been thrilled if 50 Shades of Grey had the last chapter from the perspective of the police investigating the murder of Anastasia Steele (main character girl).
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hoodedfalcon

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #31 on: August 03, 2017, 02:04:22 PM »
So I was totally one of these creeps. On this board. And I am female.

There was a poster a few years back who gave just enough information for me to figure out that her husband played in one of my all time ever favorite bands. She never actually identified him by name or what the band was, but if you were a fan of this band it wouldn't have been hard to figure out. So I sent her a private message that 1. I have been a fan of her husband's music for over 20 years and 2. She might want to be careful about the info she was sharing if she was trying to remain anonymous. I was a well-intentioned creep, but I am sure it was still totally creepy to her.

prognastat

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #32 on: August 03, 2017, 02:05:42 PM »
Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

No, generally women attract the creeps, instead of being the creeps.

I have only good experiences with the internet so far, although I do make sure I don't give out too much personal information, but I did meet a creepy guy in a bar once who still pops up now and then. I met him when I was having after work drinks with coworkers. I got talking to him and I told him my first name and he somehow picked up that we worked at a local, well-known company. He was really nice to me, but too friendly (trying to touch me all the time) and slightly weird so I went home after a while. I had a Linked-in invitation from him the very same evening. He had 0 contacts and clearly only made that profile so he could get in touch with me. As the company I worked for had more than 2000 employees and I have a very common name, he must have spent some time finding me. He sent me personal messages for some time, but it eventually stopped. More than 5 years later, I can see he still looks up my profile regularly but he doesn't try to get in touch anymore. I'm sure he's harmless, but it did creep me out.

Sorry, but this is wrong. There are definitely creepy women. It's just that societally the behaviors that would make a man a creep don't make a women a creep(or at least not to the same extent).

This likely stems from sexist notions of agency. Both men and women see other women as inherently less threatening than men leading to behavior by one to be seen as innocuous or relatively harmless when the other behaving the same way would be considered a potential threat.

There is also the fact that actions can be creepy when performed by someone the recipient doesn't want to receive these from, yet sought after when done by someone the recipient is interested in. 50 shades of gray was already mentioned same for twilight both of which shows behaviors that would be considered extremely creepy if they were unwanted by the recipient, but instead are seen by many as romantic because it is coming from someone they find appealing.

There is also the societal norm that a man should make the first move, it is much easier to not be a creep when you don't have to make the first move in most situations.

Finally it just happens to be that a larger % of men is considered unappealing to most women than the other way around.

When you add all those factors up naturally the odds are in favour of women experiencing behaviors as creepy more often than men would see the same behavior as creepy, because it is less likely to come from someone the man would find unappealing and even if they did would likely not find threatening.

Zamboni

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #33 on: August 03, 2017, 02:57:50 PM »
So I was totally one of these creeps. On this board. And I am female.

There was a poster a few years back who gave just enough information for me to figure out that her husband played in one of my all time ever favorite bands. She never actually identified him by name or what the band was, but if you were a fan of this band it wouldn't have been hard to figure out. So I sent her a private message that 1. I have been a fan of her husband's music for over 20 years and 2. She might want to be careful about the info she was sharing if she was trying to remain anonymous. I was a well-intentioned creep, but I am sure it was still totally creepy to her.

Lol, I remember very rapidly knowing which band it was, too. It didn't occur to me to contact her about it; I guess it makes sense that someone did because, now that I think about it, she stopped posting (or changed her username . . . ) You are a good, and only slightly creepy, samaritan.

OP, sorry that it happened to you, but it is a good reminder for us all.

I've had no creepiness from this website, thankfully. Like many here, I should probably be more careful about what I post. I like my unusual first name, but between my unusual name, unusual occupation, and public internet presence (because of work), it's unfortunately easy for stalkers to find me.

Then again, have you really arrived unless you've earned rival cabals of fans, haters, and stalkers? Zamboni thinks not.

surfhb

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #34 on: August 03, 2017, 02:58:57 PM »
Hey Sweet life I got a seriously creepy RL stalker from (I believe) this site because I put out too much personal info here. He lived close by and "found" me and the antics began. And are still somewhat ongoing although its been taken care of and I am in.the process of moving so less concerned now. But to avoid future (very unlikely) problems with someone else I deleted most of my former posts and started fresh with much less info. Contact a mod too.

Ugh!   Its not me...I swear! :)

Imma

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #35 on: August 03, 2017, 03:34:34 PM »
Lol.  Note to self.  If you are overly analytical and tend to deconstruct data out of habit.  Don't share.  People may find you creepy. 
I need to remember this.

(But on the plus side, it has been proven that the threshold of behaviors to be considered 'creepy' when applied to females is much higher than for males, so I'm probably okay).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201505/how-we-decide-whos-creepy

No, generally women attract the creeps, instead of being the creeps.

I have only good experiences with the internet so far, although I do make sure I don't give out too much personal information, but I did meet a creepy guy in a bar once who still pops up now and then. I met him when I was having after work drinks with coworkers. I got talking to him and I told him my first name and he somehow picked up that we worked at a local, well-known company. He was really nice to me, but too friendly (trying to touch me all the time) and slightly weird so I went home after a while. I had a Linked-in invitation from him the very same evening. He had 0 contacts and clearly only made that profile so he could get in touch with me. As the company I worked for had more than 2000 employees and I have a very common name, he must have spent some time finding me. He sent me personal messages for some time, but it eventually stopped. More than 5 years later, I can see he still looks up my profile regularly but he doesn't try to get in touch anymore. I'm sure he's harmless, but it did creep me out.

Sorry, but this is wrong. There are definitely creepy women. It's just that societally the behaviors that would make a man a creep don't make a women a creep(or at least not to the same extent).

This likely stems from sexist notions of agency. Both men and women see other women as inherently less threatening than men leading to behavior by one to be seen as innocuous or relatively harmless when the other behaving the same way would be considered a potential threat.

There is also the societal norm that a man should make the first move, it is much easier to not be a creep when you don't have to make the first move in most situations.

Finally it just happens to be that a larger % of men is considered unappealing to most women than the other way around.

When you add all those factors up naturally the odds are in favour of women experiencing behaviors as creepy more often than men would see the same behavior as creepy, because it is less likely to come from someone the man would find unappealing and even if they did would likely not find threatening.

I agree with your analysis, but I don't think that 'creepiness' is a type of behaviour. It's the feeling of cold shivers down your spine that you get from someone's behaviour. The creepy feeling you get is an irrational instinctive reaction (that might stem from prejudice) to a certain type of behaviour. But I agree with your analysis that men and women's behaviour is experienced differently and I agree with the reasons why. A woman acting in a certain way would be perceived differently than a man would. I think women are much more likely to be seen as 'weird' or 'strange' rather than 'creepy' when they show the same behaviour as men.  The behaviour is the same, but it doesn't scare people.

Because women are physically less strong, and because many are likely to have experienced violent behaviour from men in the past and because they are being told about stranger danger their entire lives, they are probably much more sensitive to 'creepy feeling'. Personally, I have never thought of another woman as creepy, and I know my (male) partner has only experienced creepy feeling from men, but of course, it varies from person to person.

2Birds1Stone

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #36 on: August 03, 2017, 03:41:21 PM »
I accidentally found a few people on these boards that I have crossed paths with professionally, outside of my own company.

I give them kudos! Wouldn't want to call them out and spook them.
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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #37 on: August 03, 2017, 03:46:47 PM »


That's fair. I was actually thinking more along the lines of security. For example, if my bank account security question is what street did you live on growing up or what was my first car
[/quote]

Hello, I hope I got the quote nesting correct above. Anyway, I just wanted to suggest that you don't use real answers to security questions for this very reason. https://www.wired.com/2016/09/time-kill-security-questions-answer-lies/

Also, some sites store the security question answers in plane text, so that when they are breached there is a big problem. Use a password manager or an encrypted excel file and just make up some lies! eg I was born in >u9#Ea8{>mJ{.g-t in the year 8198

Personally, I use 2 factor verification on most things with my wife's mobile used to verify my transactions. This protects well against "fat fingers" on trades etc.

...yes I am aware of the irony of setting up a new account just to post this.

slappy

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #38 on: August 03, 2017, 05:13:46 PM »


That's fair. I was actually thinking more along the lines of security. For example, if my bank account security question is what street did you live on growing up or what was my first car

Hello, I hope I got the quote nesting correct above. Anyway, I just wanted to suggest that you don't use real answers to security questions for this very reason. https://www.wired.com/2016/09/time-kill-security-questions-answer-lies/

Also, some sites store the security question answers in plane text, so that when they are breached there is a big problem. Use a password manager or an encrypted excel file and just make up some lies! eg I was born in >u9#Ea8{>mJ{.g-t in the year 8198

Personally, I use 2 factor verification on most things with my wife's mobile used to verify my transactions. This protects well against "fat fingers" on trades etc.

...yes I am aware of the irony of setting up a new account just to post this.
[/quote]

I actually do use fake answers. Then I just have to remember the fake answers!

Zamboni

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #39 on: August 03, 2017, 05:29:14 PM »
Ugh, that is why I don't use fake answers . . . I would never remember them.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #40 on: August 03, 2017, 07:28:00 PM »
Another great reason to live in NZ, a billion miles away from most of the posters here!

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #41 on: August 03, 2017, 07:46:14 PM »
Ugh, that is why I don't use fake answers . . . I would never remember them.

Your password manager will remember them. 

stripey

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #42 on: August 03, 2017, 08:28:08 PM »
Another great reason to live in NZ, a billion miles away from most of the posters here!

That does help.

I'm careful about stating what I do. Mostly because my occupation is broad, but what I do is a smidgen uncommon. So if I said 'I'm a YY working in the ZZ industry/sector' would narrow me down to less than 20 people in Australia, combining with age/gender to fewer than half that. I you put in any geographical vagaries into Google too it would probably come up with an accurate hit.

All the meet ups I've been to, people have tended to identify (and be remembered usually) by their handle rather than their real-life names.

Bateaux

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #43 on: August 03, 2017, 08:54:49 PM »
Never once considered that there may be stalker/creepy people on MMM.  I guess we all post too much info.  Be careful folks. I'm a big old country boy so I'm less worried about creeps.  More worried about hacker thieves.
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #44 on: August 07, 2017, 06:33:52 AM »
Hey Sweet life I got a seriously creepy RL stalker from (I believe) this site because I put out too much personal info here. He lived close by and "found" me and the antics began. And are still somewhat ongoing
Yes, that is indeed very creepy.  I've never had anything like that happen nor received any feedback from anyone that they've ever identified me via what I have posted, even on a local news forum.
Happened awhile ago back when I had thousands of posts - many with specific info that would make it super easy to find me (DOH!).

Just to add: my MMM RL creeper was more of the axe wielding "I love you and your severed head would look lovely on my fireplace mantle" kind of creep. But did appreciate the dead black roses he'd leave on my doorstep. So nice to get when you're a single woman living alone ;-).

OMG .... LOL ... now THAT would creep me out !!! lol... You guys are the best! :)
Typos will happen, corrections appreciated, or just ignore ;)

SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #45 on: August 07, 2017, 06:38:57 AM »
I will admit the thought has crossed my mind a time or two that if you were someone looking for targets for things such as identity theft, a site like this that attracts people with assets would be a target.

It's mostly because I actually FINALLY have assets (thanks in part to this site!!!) and I want to continue to grow my 'stach that it worried me !
I feel much better now though and believe it was just a "good Samaritan" warning me of putting out too much job-specific info. Its is so very nice to have a forum such as this to bounce these things off of! Not to mention all of the wonderful financial advice I have received!!

I must say I love it when a poster will say "I can see your point..." and then argues the opposing side! And it is (mostly) calm swapping of ideas and opinions!!!
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SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #46 on: August 07, 2017, 06:41:00 AM »
So I was totally one of these creeps. On this board. And I am female.

There was a poster a few years back who gave just enough information for me to figure out that her husband played in one of my all time ever favorite bands. She never actually identified him by name or what the band was, but if you were a fan of this band it wouldn't have been hard to figure out. So I sent her a private message that 1. I have been a fan of her husband's music for over 20 years and 2. She might want to be careful about the info she was sharing if she was trying to remain anonymous. I was a well-intentioned creep, but I am sure it was still totally creepy to her.

Lol, I remember very rapidly knowing which band it was, too. It didn't occur to me to contact her about it; I guess it makes sense that someone did because, now that I think about it, she stopped posting (or changed her username . . . ) You are a good, and only slightly creepy, samaritan.

OP, sorry that it happened to you, but it is a good reminder for us all.

I've had no creepiness from this website, thankfully. Like many here, I should probably be more careful about what I post. I like my unusual first name, but between my unusual name, unusual occupation, and public internet presence (because of work), it's unfortunately easy for stalkers to find me.

Then again, have you really arrived unless you've earned rival cabals of fans, haters, and stalkers? Zamboni thinks not.

Oh Zamboni lol.. you are FUNNY!!!
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kendallf

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2017, 07:16:38 AM »
<--that's my name and my actual mug; I don't worry about it too much for reasons others have already stated.  I don't share much info that I would worry about being made public, I'm a guy and not single, etc.

I do think that online interaction in general encourages stalker-ish behavior; it's easy to think that you "know" someone when the relationship is totally one-sided; i.e. you read their posts regularly and don't comment or interact.  I've seen this awkwardness come up with people who are FB friends but meet IRL infrequently.  One of them will trot out all of the events the other has shared in the past six months -- "Hey, how's that puppy doing, and did your daughter really flunk out of junior college?"  You can see the other person trying to remember, who are you and where did we meet again?  And how do I run away now?
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FireHiker

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #48 on: August 07, 2017, 03:36:01 PM »
I do think that online interaction in general encourages stalker-ish behavior; it's easy to think that you "know" someone when the relationship is totally one-sided; i.e. you read their posts regularly and don't comment or interact.  I've seen this awkwardness come up with people who are FB friends but meet IRL infrequently.  One of them will trot out all of the events the other has shared in the past six months -- "Hey, how's that puppy doing, and did your daughter really flunk out of junior college?"  You can see the other person trying to remember, who are you and where did we meet again?  And how do I run away now?

I have this problem IRL because I remember everything. In fact, at the mother's day paper that my kid filled out this year where they answer questions, one was a line of "my mom always forgets <fill in blank>" and my kid responded "my mom forgets nothing." My boss refers to me as "her memory", because I'll remember obscure details from months ago. I can meet someone once and remember everything, and I've had it backfire in the past where the person looks at me like I'm a creepy stalker. Nope, if you tell me something once, I will remember it whether I want to or not. It is both a blessing and a curse (just ask my husband...). I've learned to keep my mouth shut more IRL until I know a person well enough for them not to be creeped out about my memory now.

SweetLife

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Re: Creepy message ...
« Reply #49 on: August 08, 2017, 07:50:20 AM »
I do think that online interaction in general encourages stalker-ish behavior; it's easy to think that you "know" someone when the relationship is totally one-sided; i.e. you read their posts regularly and don't comment or interact.  I've seen this awkwardness come up with people who are FB friends but meet IRL infrequently.  One of them will trot out all of the events the other has shared in the past six months -- "Hey, how's that puppy doing, and did your daughter really flunk out of junior college?"  You can see the other person trying to remember, who are you and where did we meet again?  And how do I run away now?

I have this problem IRL because I remember everything. In fact, at the mother's day paper that my kid filled out this year where they answer questions, one was a line of "my mom always forgets <fill in blank>" and my kid responded "my mom forgets nothing." My boss refers to me as "her memory", because I'll remember obscure details from months ago. I can meet someone once and remember everything, and I've had it backfire in the past where the person looks at me like I'm a creepy stalker. Nope, if you tell me something once, I will remember it whether I want to or not. It is both a blessing and a curse (just ask my husband...). I've learned to keep my mouth shut more IRL until I know a person well enough for them not to be creeped out about my memory now.

I am so very jealous jillinsandiego!!! I wish I had that ability... instead of having lost my 'recent' memory after I had my baby ...lol... I'm guessing it is just because I now have to remember everything for another human being lol...
I used to remember WAYYY more that I do now ... 

Typos will happen, corrections appreciated, or just ignore ;)