Coworkers that say you are missing out on so much by living frugally

[justajane]

For instance, we were on a family trip (for a funeral once) and needed to eat out somewhere on the road. My mom expressed that she was tired of the fare we had been eating and really needed a salad. We ended up going to Wendy's (because that was the best option available), and when push came to shove, she couldn't bring herself to spend $5 on the salad and instead got the $1 hamburger because it was cheaper. I called her on it, urging her to "splurge" and get the fast food meal her body craved (it all sounds so ridiculous typing it out), but her response was, "The reason we have so much saved for the future is because we are so extremely frugal." It's true, but as her daughter, I would rather that she have a couple thousand less in investments and find the time every couple of months to splurge on things they enjoy.

Maybe your mom does not value the salad over hamburger as much as 4$? It must still be a special event that she went to a restaurant.

How is this judging different from that of the coworkers in the OP?

I think it's only a matter of perspective. We each make our own individual choices.

That, and a millionaire is made 10 bucks at a time.  You scoff at other peoples wasteful $10 purchases, and your mother scoffs at the idea she should splurge $10 for cheese.

You're missing the key component here, namely that she said she wanted to splurge on nice cheese once in a while, but I know her well enough to know that she actually won't. I'm scoffing at both instances because she specifically said that these were two things that she wanted, but when push came to shove, she couldn't spend the relatively small amount of money on something that would make her happy. If these were things she didn't value, then I wouldn't care one iota if she didn't spend money on them. She even said that she should make more of an effort to splurge, since she they have plenty of money and "life is short" (especially when you are in your 70s). But the reality is that she can't spend money. It paralyzes her. This is not healthy, regardless of the size of one's bank account.

My assessment of my mother is very different from the OP, because presumably the OP wasn't saying that he wanted more vacations, nicer cars, etc.

[Guses]

I'm scoffing at both instances because she specifically said that these were two things that she wanted, but when push came to shove, she couldn't spend the relatively small amount of money on something that would make her happy.

Well her actions speak louder than her words. Obviously she does not value expensive cheese or fancy salad that much. And it is perfectly fine.

Maybe she said those things because she thought you would judge her and felt pressured in saying that she wanted fancy cheese or a salad. Like some posters have suggested the OP do in order to placate the coworkers.

It is very difficult to know whether someone is really happy inside. When someone else assumes that they know, and makes judgments based on this is the type of mindset the OP is victim of.

[E_Ransom]

My coworkers can't fathom my eating habits. I try to be extra frugal with lunch because my family's dinners tend to be overblown. Trail mix, a piece of fruit, yogurt, water. I do cheese and crackers sometimes but probably need to reign that one in since crackers seem pretty ineffective. I get a lot of comments about eating "bird food" or being "so well disciplined." If they just knew how much time I spent on the Internet!

I don't even consider myself terribly fit. 132 lbs at 5'9" still leaves a little padding around the middle that can be trimmed up. But to the rest of the library, and half the visitors, I'm a stick figure in a circus tent.

[hybrid]

There are two things about this thread that I find amazing.

1.  That you actually discuss personal finances with co-workers

2.  That you spend any time thinking about what co-workers think about your lifestyle.

How about just telling people in a nice way that your finances are personal?

I've worked with the same folks for close to ten years, so after a while people simply learn things about one another. They don't need to know the contents of my bank account or 401K for me to have a conversation about the wisdom of cutting cable or packing lunches. But I do get that everyone's work circumstances are different.

I think part of the thread is about being understood, or at least not being misunderstood. It's personally irritating when folks jump to the wrong conclusions about our rather dramatic lifestyle changes, so when they make them I feel obliged to give them the proper perspective. That, and a heartfelt desire for other folks that I care about to make more optimal financial decisions. I know more than a few folks who really need some good financial advice so if I sense an opportunity, chances are I am going to speak up about it.

[jordanread]

I get this sometimes. At my company, we hire a fair amount of interns working on their degree, and since I very rarely drive up to corporate, people always assume my car belongs to one of them. I had to bring some stuff down to the satellite office I work out of, and since most people don't know I'm actually a senior engineer, they make really funny comments. Stuff like: "that's pretty much the typical car for a college student". I wind up laughing and saying I'm allergic to car payments. It happened once on accident, and I got hooked. It's like super-productive heroin.

All that being said, I don't hide what I'm doing. This isn't necessarily a new thing...I mean, shit, my username is my actual name. However (and this may be my narcissistic tendencies coming out), I refuse to believe that I can't shape the future in some way or another. I lead by example. Sometimes it works, and other times, maybe I just planted a seed, or accomplished nothing. No sweat off my back, but I think that my way of life, for the most part, is awesome, respectful, and productive. I used to say in a joking manner that the world would be a better place if everyone was as logical as I am. I preach my lifestyle from the roof tops, and I do it to engage others in a conversation about badassity. Someone (edited: Le Barbu) who posted earlier has the quote from MMM in their signature:
The real reason this blog exists, is simply to save the entire human race from destroying itself through overconsumption of its own habitat.

If people are interested, I'm more than willing to talk, but I like to think that my verbosity gets people thinking. And on occasion, thinking turns into action, and action changes things...like the world.

As far as lunches go, I've taken some shit on that, even from our VP, but I always laugh and tell them that there isn't anything in this town that you can buy that tastes better than what I make, and it's healthy!!!

[justajane]

I'm scoffing at both instances because she specifically said that these were two things that she wanted, but when push came to shove, she couldn't spend the relatively small amount of money on something that would make her happy.

Well her actions speak louder than her words. Obviously she does not value expensive cheese or fancy salad that much. And it is perfectly fine.

Maybe she said those things because she thought you would judge her and felt pressured in saying that she wanted fancy cheese or a salad. Like some posters have suggested the OP do in order to placate the coworkers.

It is very difficult to know whether someone is really happy inside. When someone else assumes that they know, and makes judgments based on this is the type of mindset the OP is victim of.

You're probably right, but I take issue with the notion that someone is a "victim" if they are indeed the one misrepresenting their wishes to others to either save face or placate someone. I tend to take people at their word, especially when, in my mother's case, the story about her girlfriend and her promising each other to splurge more on the foods they enjoy came entirely unsolicited by me and was rather an organic proclamation of how she wanted to live differently.

But you are certainly right that actions speak louder than words.

At the end of the day, just as we on here are allowed to think that people are slaves to things or consumer clowns, they conversely have a right to think that we are miserly or somehow missing out on life. We can laugh at them and they can laugh at us. Judgement is occurring on both sides of this issue. 

[Bob W]

Did you ever have a coworker/friend/family member judge your frugal lifestyle by saying, "sure, you are saving a lot of money, but you are missing out on life - is it really worth it?"  My response is always, "what, exactly, am a missing out on?"  They usually say, nice things, cars, big houses, fancy vacations, etc.

MMM and I have nice things, cars, big houses and fancy vacations are we doing this frugal thing wrong?

[needmyfi]

"My car gets me around pretty good.  I don't have to sweat a little ding or two and its small enough to fit in almost any parking space so its great for driving downtown. My house only takes half a morning to clean from top to bottom so it really frees up my weekends."

"I love my vacations and really love to splurge on them, but staying with a local was so much more fun than a Hilton.  The Hilton there looks just like the one back home.  You wouldn't believe the local places the owner turned us on to.  Nothing you would ever find in a tourist guide for sure."

"But thanks for worrying about me.  By the way, I heard you were shopping for a brand new living room set-that one you got 7 years ago was really nice and quality stuff.  Were you thinking of giving it away or selling it?"

[Zikoris]

People used to say that. Then I did a PowerPoint presentation one day at lunch on how to live the same extravagant Vancouver lifestyle for 1/3-1/2 the cost and retire young (how HR ever agreed to that one is beyond me). I went on for like 40 minutes about every expense under the sun, from housing to food to travel to all the discount programs for all kinds of show tickets (everything from opera to comedy shows).

It was really popular and I was gifted movie tickets and a lovely bouquet of flowers. Nobody says I'm missing out anymore.

[Paul der Krake]

They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc. 

What is this non-free office water you speak of? Do you work on a space station?

[frugalecon]

They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc. 

What is this non-free office water you speak of? Do you work on a space station?

I unthinkingly joined the office water club at some point, and I even ended up managing the damn thing. It was about $8/month. Nothing to break the bank, but still. When I quit, the then-current manager asked me why I gave it up, and I replied that I had decided it was perverse to drink water that someone drove around in a diesel-fume-belching truck when water came freely out of a faucet, and I could use an inexpensive Brita filter to remove the chlorine taste. He confided that he had the same qualms, and he quickly found his successor and resigned.

The $8/month wasn't much, but I simultaneously dropped the Starbucks habit, as well as a couple of "out" lunches/week. All told added up to a cool $100/month.

[OSUBearCub]

They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc. 

What is this non-free office water you speak of? Do you work on a space station?

I unthinkingly joined the office water club at some point, and I even ended up managing the damn thing. It was about $8/month. Nothing to break the bank, but still. When I quit, the then-current manager asked me why I gave it up, and I replied that I had decided it was perverse to drink water that someone drove around in a diesel-fume-belching truck when water came freely out of a faucet, and I could use an inexpensive Brita filter to remove the chlorine taste. He confided that he had the same qualms, and he quickly found his successor and resigned.

The $8/month wasn't much, but I simultaneously dropped the Starbucks habit, as well as a couple of "out" lunches/week. All told added up to a cool $100/month.

This is really chapping my butt.  What office charges for water?  "I was just chatting with Joan about Game of Thrones over at the locked closet of members only water...and SHE said..." 

What's next a "copy paper club"?

[iris lily]

I just tell people that "I spend money on the things that matter to me" and then tell them how much I paid for lilies 'n iris last year. They can't wrap their heads around it but they see that I am, indeed, spending money.

[Breaker]

Hybrid  I think that the difference may be in upbringing and age, I'm older.  My family was lower middle-class and it was always a struggle for my parents to pay the bills.  They would never have spoken about this to co-workers, I suppose out of pride.  People used to be ashamed of not being able to pay their bills.  Maybe it's a cultural shift.

Even so in all of the places I have worked I don't remember anyone talking about finances.  I certainly never heard anyone being judgmental about what type of car a person drove.  If your comfortable talking personal finances that's fine but you should be prepared for input from others and not all of it will be complimentary.

OTOH, I applaud the people on the forum who are spreading the word in a more general way.  I even do this with my friends.  My dogs are my co-workers now and they totally don't care about $$$.

[DeepEllumStache]

We have water clubs at my company too.  The (really large) company feels like it already offers water through the sinks and water fountains, so they don't see the point in paying for fancy water coolers.  I used to belong to one a few years ago, then realized a Brita pitcher at my desk is more convenient and a lot cheaper.  I pointed out the convenience when people noticed... it was easy for them to understand.

When coworkers notice my frugal ways, I point out that I love travel so I prioritize differently.  They don't need to know what percentage of my income I'm saving versus putting towards my awesome trips.  It's convenient and less awkward for me to let people make their own assumptions from that.

[GoCubsGo]

I agree with Jordanread statement about leading by example.  Conversations with co-workers has often led to me helping someone figure out a financial situation that they had no clue about (much as we all do with each other in this forum).  People I've worked with know I like to make every penny make me $ and if they ask about it I tell them. I've really helped more than a few people over the years (one co-worker with a $370K mortgage didn't know what his interest rate was and had never refinanced... I set him up with my lender and he was at 6.25% when market rates were in the high 3% range!!).  It's frightening how little many people know about basic $ management and investing.

Some people are asshats and just want to brag about their debt, but most I've found are willing take advice or at least consider it when they see someone "walking the walk" and are doing well financially because of it.  I don't think financial conversations are taboo if you know the person and aren't bashing them for living a different lifestyle.  If they bash yours, it's probably their own insecurity showing through.

[GuitarStv]

We have water clubs at my company too.  The (really large) company feels like it already offers water through the sinks and water fountains, so they don't see the point in paying for fancy water coolers.

Woah.


Corporate logic is 100% correct.  And they're doing the environmentally friendly thing, with zero negative downside to their employees.


It's very strange to be on the side of the very large company for me.

[DeepEllumStache]

We have water clubs at my company too.  The (really large) company feels like it already offers water through the sinks and water fountains, so they don't see the point in paying for fancy water coolers.

Woah.


Corporate logic is 100% correct.  And they're doing the environmentally friendly thing, with zero negative downside to their employees.


It's very strange to be on the side of the very large company for me.

Pre-Mustachian days it annoyed me, now I see it as being efficient. So being Mustachian ruined what was a self-serving annoyance too.

[hybrid]

Hybrid  I think that the difference may be in upbringing and age, I'm older.  My family was lower middle-class and it was always a struggle for my parents to pay the bills.  They would never have spoken about this to co-workers, I suppose out of pride.  People used to be ashamed of not being able to pay their bills.  Maybe it's a cultural shift.

Even so in all of the places I have worked I don't remember anyone talking about finances.  I certainly never heard anyone being judgmental about what type of car a person drove.  If your comfortable talking personal finances that's fine but you should be prepared for input from others and not all of it will be complimentary.

OTOH, I applaud the people on the forum who are spreading the word in a more general way.  I even do this with my friends.  My dogs are my co-workers now and they totally don't care about $$$.

My bold. Well, yeah, of course. A lot of people I know socially just don't get it. Showing them the light can be very gratifying when they start moving toward it.

[dycker1978]

The thing is, we are missing out on the things that socitey labels as normal.  I do not have a mcmansion, new car, bag my lunch instead of eat out.

I have decided what is important in my life, not the comericals on TV.  I do not feel that I am missing out on the important things.  Playing with my kids, helping people, living life by my rules, not socitey's.  So by most peoples standards I am missing out...

I dont care about what I am missing though.  Life is great and I love it.

[jzb11]

It's a mixed bag with my co-workers:

Single man late 20s saves 50% of his income.

Single man late 20s always leases a new mercedes, used cars aren't "reliable' he says.

Married woman in her 40s has already paid off her home.

Re-married man in his 40s doesn't understand why I'm not driving a new v8 dodge charger/why I'm not conspicuously consuming. He previously owned a new Jeep Wrangler and just recently bought a new fully loaded dodge ram...

At any rate I find that most americans who consume and are heavily in debt really aren't living a life style that is all that enviable. The stress of debt and not having a cushion for emergencies blows.

[Villanelle]

I really don't understand the need to prove one's self, or justify one's choices and prove them superior, or whatever else it is that drives so many of the responses to this type of post.

If someone said that to me, I'd either smile and nod non-commitally, or mutter something general about how it works well for me, and then I'd extricate myself from the situation.  If people whose choices don't directly affect me want to spend every last penny (and then some) I don't think it's my business, my concern, or my place to say anything. 

If they guy asks a question and expresses interest about your choices, that's one thing.  But clearly, that's not what he's looking for.  So to me, there is no point in engaging him, and in fact I think I'd be at least as out of line if I made a comment disparaging his life and his choices.

[SisterX]

They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc. 

What is this non-free office water you speak of? Do you work on a space station?

I knew someone was going to pounce on that!  Didn't want to explain it in the original post, though.
So: I work on a large campus.  Technically, they provide water.  However, the water that comes out of the taps/fountains in my building is actually yellow because the pipes are so old.  God knows what's in it.  And the taste...well, water shouldn't have a distinct taste like that.  Even a pitcher filter didn't take the taste away.  It's pretty much undrinkable.  I used to get dehydration headaches because I'd avoid the water for so long, and apparently I wasn't the only one.  People finally spoke up and complained.  Management sprang for the actual water system, but employees need to pay for water.  And thanks to company policy, we're not allowed to use the service which only charges pennies to fill up the giant jugs of water.  Yay, stupid policies.
I've solved the problem by bringing my own jar of water to work with me.  I rent, so water is "free" and much tastier from home.

[RootofGood]

Sure, I've had a few coworkers say that about my house or car.  We live in a house that's probably 1/4 what our incomes would qualify us for, although it's a perfectly adequate house with more room than we use (for a family of 5!) and it's in a very convenient location.  My car is old and the paint is faded but otherwise it's a solid car (14 year old civic). 

My usual reply is like yours, OP.  What am I really missing out on?  My car gets me where I want to go, but I spend 99% of my life not in my car so why would I care if it's the latest model or not?  I never worry if I get a ding in the door or how much it's depreciating.  I don't even have to wash it! :)

My house is awesome in every respect.  It's near everything so I don't need a car for many trips.  Downtown is a few miles away so free entertainment isn't far away and meeting friends for lunch or hanging out is easy.  I can host a 50 person party with no trouble.  I have plenty of free parking.  Plenty of room for the kids to play and my flowers and garden to grow.  We don't even use all the rooms in the house already, so it's actually too big.  The neighbors are down to earth and there are no Joneses with whom I must keep up.  Yes, there are lower income apartments within a mile of where I live, and sometimes I'll see a homeless person on the sidewalk.  Overall, it's hard to beat the convenience and coworkers that visit my house usually agree and facepunch themselves as to why the hell they live 30 minutes away from everything AND pay way more money for that pleasure.  :)

[RootofGood]

The only thing I get the side eye on is my apartment.   It's really rare for anyone in the Orlando area to actively seek out a studio apartment.  My answer to push-back is "I'm one guy, no pets, no spouse.  Why do I need extra bedrooms?"  My mom thinks it's a government conspiracy to take away our freedom to own land - I'm not kidding, it's nuts.  The rest of my family gets it though.

I had to laugh at this, but the notion that this is America, we should all have 3000 sf McMansions is alive and well in areas where real estate is dirt cheap (like everywhere south of No. Va. and east of California ;) ). 

If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't mind a well laid out 1 BR for Mrs. RootofGood and me.  Getting her to move in with me might be a challenge though (not that I've asked her about it...)

[Zikoris]

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

[OSUBearCub]

The only thing I get the side eye on is my apartment.   It's really rare for anyone in the Orlando area to actively seek out a studio apartment.  My answer to push-back is "I'm one guy, no pets, no spouse.  Why do I need extra bedrooms?"  My mom thinks it's a government conspiracy to take away our freedom to own land - I'm not kidding, it's nuts.  The rest of my family gets it though.

I had to laugh at this, but the notion that this is America, we should all have 3000 sf McMansions is alive and well in areas where real estate is dirt cheap (like everywhere south of No. Va. and east of California ;) ). 

If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't mind a well laid out 1 BR for Mrs. RootofGood and me.  Getting her to move in with me might be a challenge though (not that I've asked her about it...)

She listens to a LOT of AM talk radio. Ha ha.  I suspect, however, that she's also concerned that I'm not as successful at my career because I've delayed doing all the traditional "grown up" things - house, new car, spouse, kids.  Her generation worked their asses off for the "American Dream" and I think that ended up hard-wired into their thinking. 

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

Murphy bed envy!  My studio is too large to need one and the expense isn't practical.  To further taunt me, there's a murphy bed STORE on my bike route.  They're tired of seeing me lol

[Zikoris]

The only thing I get the side eye on is my apartment.   It's really rare for anyone in the Orlando area to actively seek out a studio apartment.  My answer to push-back is "I'm one guy, no pets, no spouse.  Why do I need extra bedrooms?"  My mom thinks it's a government conspiracy to take away our freedom to own land - I'm not kidding, it's nuts.  The rest of my family gets it though.

I had to laugh at this, but the notion that this is America, we should all have 3000 sf McMansions is alive and well in areas where real estate is dirt cheap (like everywhere south of No. Va. and east of California ;) ). 

If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't mind a well laid out 1 BR for Mrs. RootofGood and me.  Getting her to move in with me might be a challenge though (not that I've asked her about it...)

She listens to a LOT of AM talk radio. Ha ha.  I suspect, however, that she's also concerned that I'm not as successful at my career because I've delayed doing all the traditional "grown up" things - house, new car, spouse, kids.  Her generation worked their asses off for the "American Dream" and I think that ended up hard-wired into their thinking. 

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

Murphy bed envy!  My studio is too large to need one and the expense isn't practical.  To further taunt me, there's a murphy bed STORE on my bike route.  They're tired of seeing me lol

I don't know if I'd want to buy one myself (aren't they like 5K minimum?), but my building has them built in to almost all the studio suites. It's nice because the murphy bed units also have bookshelves, so I was able to move one of my shelves out to the balcony for gardening supplies.

Sad story - I actually didn't get my first choice on a studio suite in my building. The one I looked at originally was nicer, on a floor with a bunch of friends, and a better layout, but the guy decided he didn't want to move last minute.

[MrsPete]

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices.

I'm a little older than most posters here, and my youngest is about to graduate from high school.  I'll say this about MYSELF:  If I could go back in time, I'd spend a little more money on my kids when they were younger.  I'd let them be in a few more activities, and I'd buy them a few more clothes.  We've saved beyond my expectations, but I think they missed out on a few things when they were younger.  In that regard, yeah, we should've done a little more (not a lot more) of what society calls "living". 

The lunch issue could probably be avoided by saying that you have a tight deadline to get something done, so you are just going to eat quick at your desk.

One of the positive things about teaching is that we can't leave for lunch (26 minutes for lunch, and every couple weeks we're required to spend it supervising students); thus, everyone brown-bags.  On Mondays my group takes turns bringing a nice lunch to share -- we all look forward to that.

I agree, but in the eyes of the of uninformed frugal and cheap look very similar.

Interesting thought.  Absolutely true.

[Terrestrial]

I don't really talk much about finances to my co-workers besides a couple who are close friends, and among those everybody's levels of frugality vary but most are reasonable people so there is little judgement/commenting.  A guy who just started I discovered was a fellow MMM reader while having a couple beers one day so that was a fun discovery and we have good conversations about it.  I second whoever brought up the notion of...why would I talk about it with most people. 

The only time I got any comments along these lines at all was because I used to have a nice car (uncharacteristic splurge for me even before MMM reading), and wisened up to my folly and went back to an old yet solid car that my wife owned from college that we still have.  A lot of people asked why i stopped driving my nice car and started with the old car/biking/bus, and I would SUSPECT that a few people who asked think it's because maybe I had money problems, though nobody said that outright...HA, if only they knew, not that I care what they think anyway.

I expect my perfect retort to said people would come years later when I am RE and they are still slaving away and when I see them one day and ask how they are doing I could casually drop 'You are missing out on so much of life by having to work'.

[UnleashHell]

, and I would SUSPECT that a few people who asked think it's because maybe I had money problems, though nobody said that outright...HA,.

I got money problems - its a problem that I still don't have quite enough to quit working.....

I have found that it will be easier to fix than without car loans though..

[frugalecon]

I expect my perfect retort to said people would come years later when I am RE and they are still slaving away and when I see them one day and ask how they are doing I could casually drop 'You are missing out on so much of life by having to work'.

That is an awesome response!

[2Birds1Stone]

I have actually managed to inspire and educate my employees on frugality and various money topics. They see me, their boss driving a 2004 Nissan Sentra happily and ask why I haven't gotten a nicer car, I explained that this car will last me another 10 years and that if I purchase a "new" car even though I could afford it, it would mean working an extra 5 years. They quickly respect the choice and ask for more information. I have been able to educate them on the Latte effect as well as other financial habits. The only people I still catch some flack from is my parents. They could easily be retired by now but my dad "has" to work because he doesn't feel that he could maintain their inflated lifestyle on the current nest egg. They were my #1 motivation to FIRE.

[MrsPete]

She even said that she should make more of an effort to splurge, since she they have plenty of money and "life is short" (especially when you are in your 70s). But the reality is that she can't spend money. It paralyzes her. This is not healthy, regardless of the size of one's bank account.

I can relate.  I grew up without financial security, and asking for anything beyond the absolute basics or desiring anything drew harsh criticism from my parents.  It did teach me to "freeze" when it was time to spend on anything other than the weekly groceries.  It made me afraid to spend, hesitant to tell anyone I had spent, and quick to second guess myself over spending.

I've become much better about it, and I've raised my children to have a much more healthy attitude towards money.

[Minion]

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

How do you find it with your cat? Do you have a courtyard or an indoor kitty?

[Spondulix]

I read one of Warren Buffett's biographies, and the man really was Mustacian long before it ever existed. He still lives in the same he bought in Omaha like 30 years ago, drives an old car (and is perfectly happy with it)... his only big splurge is his private plane, which he really got because the financial benefit of flying on his own time outweighed the expense.

Now, I view money like a collection. Some people collect cars. Others who don't get it will say, "why are they spending money on that?!" Money is no different - we just happen to collect money, and not everyone will get it.

[Zikoris]

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

How do you find it with your cat? Do you have a courtyard or an indoor kitty?

He goes out on the balcony once in a while when I'm out digging in the compost, but otherwise an indoor kitty now.

[sobezen]

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices... LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. now go forth and prosper!

+1  I concur!  Forget what everyone else thinks about how you are living your life to meet your goals.  Ignore the naysayers or people who judge from the sidelines.  This is your life.  You alone live with your choices.  Live free and be happy, you are making your dreams come true.  Cheers!

[Minion]

People were pretty surprised when my boyfriend and I downsized from a 1 bedroom to a studio in the summer! I tell people that it actually feels bigger because of a much better layout, and also that it's SO MUCH faster and easier to vacuum because the bed folds into the wall and we have less furniture overall.

How do you find it with your cat? Do you have a courtyard or an indoor kitty?

He goes out on the balcony once in a while when I'm out digging in the compost, but otherwise an indoor kitty now.

Cool. I've been reluctant in the past to live in a smaller apartment than a 2 bedroom as I have an indoory kitty and was concerned about the lack of space for her to run around.

[kathrynd]

For the person who has a mother who wants cheese and wine, but then doesn't buy it....I can relate with the mother.
However you can take this opportunity to give a nice basket of wine and cheese to her on mother's day, birthdays, xmas etc.


As the 'millionaire next door' there are a lot of things I really like, but aren't even expensive...that I still hardly ever buy.
One is kellogg's poptarts. When I was a child, that was a treat. I'm 54 yrs old....and it still gives me happiness when I do buy splurge to buy them. If I had them all the time, they aren't a treat. Another is a roll of lovehearts.

I retired 4 years ago from a factory, where I was a machine operator.My gross income  was $29k (before overtime)...so not a lot.
For the last 6 years of working there,we bought a lot of rental properties. I worked a lot of overtime, brown bagged lunch and brought a coffee thermos every day. My husband dropped me off at work so he could use our only vehicle. He was the SAHP and managed our properties.
 My co-workers knew about our rentals, and one young guy was trying to learn about being a landlord. At the lunch break table he happened to mention to another co-worker, that I was 'rich'. He commented, she can't be too rich, she's still working here....I only had 2 more months to work at that time. I just smiled.

[justajane]

For the person who has a mother who wants cheese and wine, but then doesn't buy it....I can relate with the mother.
However you can take this opportunity to give a nice basket of wine and cheese to her on mother's day, birthdays, xmas etc.

I retired 4 years ago from a factory, where I was a machine operator.My gross income  was $29k (before overtime)...so not a lot.
For the last 6 years of working there,we bought a lot of rental properties. I worked a lot of overtime, brown bagged lunch and brought a coffee thermos every day. My husband dropped me off at work so he could use our only vehicle. He was the SAHP and managed our properties.
 My co-workers knew about our rentals, and one young guy was trying to learn about being a landlord. At the lunch break table he happened to mention to another co-worker, that I was 'rich'. He commented, she can't be too rich, she's still working here....I only had 2 more months to work at that time. I just smiled.

You're pretty badass to save so much on a lower income! Congrats! My grandparents had a very similar trajectory. They never made much money. My grandpa sold fabric door to door in Manhattan, and my grandma colored greeting cards. Yet they managed to retire with enough for her to live in a nursing home to the tune of $8,000 a month until she was over 100 years old. Pretty impressive!

I was the one with the mother who can't spend money on herself. You have a good suggestion to gift her nice things. The problem is that she usually regifts these things. It's almost like she thinks she doesn't deserve nice things. It's a psychological problem. My sister has tried this multiple times, only to find out that my mom gave the nice item to a friend. I guess I could stick to perishables like cheese, since it's unlikely she could regift that.

[gaja]

I'm an environmentalist (on and off duty), so people just assume that is why I do stuff. They are more surprised if I do splurge, than if I don't.

[TheNorwegianGuy]

I have one that said this to me, but I know for sure that he is the one missing out. I have worked with him for two years now and he is constantly complaining that he always have to do maintenance on his cabins (he has two), his HUGE house and three cars. I have never heard him say that he enjoys his weekends, only of all the things he had to do... And at the same time he is complaining all the time and saying how much he wish he could win the lottery so that he could retire... As I see it he have alredy won the lottery over and over again. Just the house alone that he built 20 years ago has increased in value by about 800 000 dollars and he earn alot of money (much more than me even though we do almost the same job) and still he do not have any money stash... I must fight to retain myself when he is complaining and comfort myself that I will reach FI and possibly FIRE long before I reach his age, maybe even before he retire himself.... He is missing out on what he wants the most; the freedom of not having to work. And he is missing out by using ALL his spare time to maintain his material objects...

[mnsaver]

  They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc.  Sometimes, the topic just comes up.
Thank goodness my coworkers are reasonable about finances.  My family is too.  In fact, my parents love that all of their children turned out to be pretty frugal.
[/quote]

Wait you have to pay for water in your office?

[StartingEarly]

I haven't had many problems with it because my group (Electronics and Instrumentation Journeymen) have to be very logical to solve problems at work.  This seems to cross over pretty well.  I do get some ribbing from time to time, but nothing major like other people.  It is usually from the less educated machine operators.

[kib]

To me, the part that is a struggle is the subtle implication that by not following the herd mentality, you're somehow being ... disloyal?  that you're disapproving, and that you're also cheating, somehow, by not being in the same boat and validating the same choices as everyone else.   From a practical standpoint it's easy to feel confident and ignore the pressure when you know that what you're doing is mindful and purposeful, but it's socially difficult to get beyond the dichotomy of choice; so many of us are wired to believe that people who do not mirror our choices disapprove of us.

[Inkedup]

To me, the part that is a struggle is the subtle implication that by not following the herd mentality, you're somehow being ... disloyal?  that you're disapproving, and that you're also cheating, somehow, by not being in the same boat and validating the same choices as everyone else.   From a practical standpoint it's easy to feel confident and ignore the pressure when you know that what you're doing is mindful and purposeful, but it's socially difficult to get beyond the dichotomy of choice; so many of us are wired to believe that people who do not mirror our choices disapprove of us.

+1

Indeed. I think this is the real hangup for most people.

[stlbrah]

i get to experience more because I am frugal than the sidewalkers I work w/. Limiting restaurants to once or twice a week tops means that i only go to the ones worth going to, and enjoy it more because the salt and cheese is an unfamiliar thing.

Ridiculous $5,000 beds, "love sac" sofas that cost even more than that. Treadmills that have virtual reality on the screen. Actually buying microsoft office from best buy, What dont they buy?

[stlbrah]

i get to experience more because I am frugal than the sidewalkers I work w/. I travel the world, lift heavy weights, do various extreme sports, and sip nice beverages. Limiting restaurants to once or twice a week tops means that i only go to the ones worth going to, and enjoy it more because the salt and cheese is an unfamiliar thing.

Ridiculous $5,000 beds, "love sac" sofas that cost even more than that. Treadmills that have virtual reality on the screen. Actually buying microsoft office from best buy, What dont they buy?

[minority_finance_mo]

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices.
   
  for instance- i believe in saving and living below your means. when it comes to investing, i think bogleheads are irresponsible. in fact i have some ira and retirement money in indexes but the bulk of my money i use to day trade. now i know thats a bad word to say around here but its whats right for me, may not be right for you or others, but for me it works. i enjoy it, im pretty good at it and im most comfortable being out of the market for the most part at the end of the day. i trade 2-3 days a week and most months i make more doing that than i do at my job.  again im not saying you or anyone else should do it im saying it works for me. now  watch others  read this and watch how they attack me and send me articles that say i cant beat the market and all sorts of garbage and you know what- i dont care what they say. in your life you shouldnt care either. LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. now go forth and prosper!

I'm too much of a pansy to be day-trading, but more power to you if you can beat the market consistently! Just be honest in your evaluations each year if the amount of research + time spent on day trading actually resulted in net gains over the market.