Coworkers that say you are missing out on so much by living frugally

[VirginiaBob]

Did you ever have a coworker/friend/family member judge your frugal lifestyle by saying, "sure, you are saving a lot of money, but you are missing out on life - is it really worth it?"  My response is always, "what, exactly, am a missing out on?"  They usually say, nice things, cars, big houses, fancy vacations, etc.

[GuitarStv]

You have to approach these people with sympathy.  They honestly can't imagine being happy without cars, big houses, fancy vacations, etc.

[Gone Fishing]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.   

[Dicey]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.

This, + don't discuss spending/finances with others in a way that could be construed as bragging.

[frugalnacho]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.

This, + don't discuss spending/finances with others in a way that could be construed as bragging.

It comes up normally in conversation though, or through observing your life.  You drive an older model vehicle (especially if it's not a truck or suv), you live in a smaller house than they know you can "afford", you bring your lunch to work.   Those people still think you are "missing out" if you do any of those.  After all you make decent money, why wouldn't you buy a much larger house an extra 40 minutes from work? Think of all the extra space and yard you are missing out on.  I have definitely gotten those comments before.

[timmoney]

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices.
   
  for instance- i believe in saving and living below your means. when it comes to investing, i think bogleheads are irresponsible. in fact i have some ira and retirement money in indexes but the bulk of my money i use to day trade. now i know thats a bad word to say around here but its whats right for me, may not be right for you or others, but for me it works. i enjoy it, im pretty good at it and im most comfortable being out of the market for the most part at the end of the day. i trade 2-3 days a week and most months i make more doing that than i do at my job.  again im not saying you or anyone else should do it im saying it works for me. now  watch others  read this and watch how they attack me and send me articles that say i cant beat the market and all sorts of garbage and you know what- i dont care what they say. in your life you shouldnt care either. LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. now go forth and prosper!

[Meggslynn]

Not co-workers but my mom (which sucks more). I have told her are savings percentage (approx. 38%) and she says that were too young (31, 33) to be saving that kind of money and we should be enjoying life. I also told her I am not sure that I want a second child and I listed the reasons. One out of five reasons was because our childcare would go through the roof and we wouldn't be able to retire when we want and she told me that was selfish. This is the same person that told me if we do adopt a child she doesn't know if she could love "it".
This is the same person at the age of 56 is nowhere close to retirement which wasn't all contribute to by bad luck (which there definitely was) but living over means lifestyle.
Therefore, I take it with a grain of salt.

[timmoney]

 i think the original posters co-workers are probably a little scared someone may end up with more than them. personally i believe in saving and living below my means but i do also believe in enjoying some of the fruits of my labor. i like going on vacations. i find the world looks a little different when i get back home and everything seems new again and i feel recharged, i like going out to dinner a few times a month.
      the point im making is we all need to do what is right for us individually. and coworkers expressing their dismay at how you to choose to live should be ignored. there isnt a right or wrong way to do anything its about whats right for you.

[fartface]

Yes - I've had this VERY thing said to me about my lifestyle and my frugal ways.

By the way, these are usually debt ridden people who look great on the outside but are generally miserable.

My reply: I buy everything I want! I'm different from you though because it requires much less to make me happy. I want very little.

Jacob on ERE said it best. People are not willing sacrifice, but are more than happy to struggle.

[frugalecon]

One way of addressing this is to cultivate some friendships with people who earn less than your family unit. Then their spendy level of spending corresponds to your frugal level of spending. Of course, they will be bummed when you retire long before them, or with significantly greater income.

[Dicey]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.

This, + don't discuss spending/finances with others in a way that could be construed as bragging.

It comes up normally in conversation though, or through observing your life.  You drive an older model vehicle (especially if it's not a truck or suv), you live in a smaller house than they know you can "afford", you bring your lunch to work.   Those people still think you are "missing out" if you do any of those.  After all you make decent money, why wouldn't you buy a much larger house an extra 40 minutes from work? Think of all the extra space and yard you are missing out on.  I have definitely gotten those comments before.

I see your point, but tend to think that telling anyone your savings rate is bragging, period. Who needs to know this? Same thing with your car. "It's paid for" or "It has sentimental value" or "It was my grandma's" etc. should quell any nosy inquiries. Ditto for the house. The only exception I'd made is if your house/car/whatever looks like a total piece of shit. Being an eyesore is unnecessary. Nothing wrong with being neat, clean and modest.
The lunch question makes me laugh. Really? A badass such as yourself is intimidated by this? Try "I have food allergies/a sensitive palate" or "I grew it myself" or any of a hundred other things. I am not advocating lying, but you are not required to answer every nosy question ever posed to you. Seriously, grow a set and deflect with a sense of humor. "Problem" solved.

[VirginiaBob]

The lunch issue could probably be avoided by saying that you have a tight deadline to get something done, so you are just going to eat quick at your desk.

[horsepoor]

How about just answering that you are careful to spend money on things that bring value to your life, based on your personal preferences?  That turns it around to where it sounds like you're spending money, but in a thoughtful way, so it's not about deprivation.

[GardenFun]

Best friend and I happened to mention today that we both have difficult times discussing college funds or retirement accounts with our other friends.   Sometimes we have questions about different investment options, rules for pulling out 529 money if scholarships are offered, etc. and are only able to discuss those items with each other.  Our other friends give us weird looks, so the topic has become taboo. 

Which is probably why this forum and all the great ideas has been a breath of fresh air.   

[timmoney]

i find it amazing that people think theyre owed an explanation for anything. anyone that concerned over the way someone else chooses to live their life is insane. if you dont question why they owe thousands on a credit card and can barely breathe under the mountain of debt they lie under why does anyone question why you dont?  in fact if you step back and really think about it- why would someone have so many excesses? probably because theyre impulsive, spoiled, self serving and insecure with little respect for themselves or others around them. 
 why would someone question the choices you make? because theyre obnoxious on top of that too.  if youre out there doing youre thing and not bothering anyone then forget them. do what makes you happy

[Unkempt Stash]

I suggest you brag on yourself a little. I find that telling others that I am trying to retire early ("when I am XX") leads to questions and people wondering if they can do it too.

If this is your personality, convince someone else to join you for the ride :D

[taekvideo]

The topic actually came up directly for the first time with my parents a few days ago.
Was opening a letter from vanguard while visiting and my mom didn't know who they were which got us on the conversation.

At some point she actually asked me straight out something like "Do you even spend money on anything?"
Now she can't even add two digit numbers accurately so the math would completely elude her, but I think she pretty much accepts it at face value that my investment accounts will blow up real fast and I'll be living the good life in no time (I already love my life, that's just an expression ^^). After all, if your roommates pay your mortgage (with a small profit to cover utilities too!) and you're only spending money on cheap beer and food, while raking in a computer programmer salary, you're going to get rich FAST. You don't need math to understand that.

Then my dad's an aeronautics engineer so he would understand the math just fine. He never asked about it though, and I didn't volunteer. He LOVES his job... if you ask him about it he'll go on for hours about it (most people avoid the topic afaik lol). So the fact that I'll probably retire before him despite him making twice as much as I ever will probably doesn't matter. If he really wanted to he could retire right now with the money he's saved. He just doesn't want to, will probably work long past the traditional retirement age.

Overall they've been pretty accepting, though I wouldn't call it "supportive". I think the fact that I became vegan 3 years ago kind of shook the boat as much as it could bear and now nobody in my family is really surprised about anything I do anymore...

But anyways on the topic... they know I'm not "deprived" of anything. I've lived this way my entire life even when I was living on their dime. I just have no interest in most of the things people spend money on, and wouldn't engage in them even if money wasn't a factor.
I think it's a lot harder for people who embrace mustachian values later on... since people just aren't used to that and don't expect it from them. Though I'd have to admit it's probably a lot more impressive for those who go against their nature to embrace these values than for someone like me who was just fortunate enough to be born that way.

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices.
   
  for instance- i believe in saving and living below your means. when it comes to investing, i think bogleheads are irresponsible. in fact i have some ira and retirement money in indexes but the bulk of my money i use to day trade. now i know thats a bad word to say around here but its whats right for me, may not be right for you or others, but for me it works. i enjoy it, im pretty good at it and im most comfortable being out of the market for the most part at the end of the day. i trade 2-3 days a week and most months i make more doing that than i do at my job.  again im not saying you or anyone else should do it im saying it works for me. now  watch others  read this and watch how they attack me and send me articles that say i cant beat the market and all sorts of garbage and you know what- i dont care what they say. in your life you shouldnt care either. LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. now go forth and prosper!

There are certainly people who can beat the market consistently.
e.g. Warren Buffet.
But even he recommends that most people stick to index funds... because they're not him.
Most people lose badly when day trading. Recommending most common people avoid that is hardly "irresponsible". It's sound advice that greatly improves their odds and saves them time.
If you can beat the market then more power to you, but don't try to convince other people to do the same, you'd almost certainly be doing them a disfavor.
Yeah they should live the way they choose, but chances are choosing the safer route will be much, much better for them.

[VirginiaBob]

forget your co-workers. do what is right for you. let YOU be the one to choose how you live your life and dont be afraid to go against the crowd. maybe you enjoy living frugal. its no ones business. you need to make the choices that are right for you.  people love to say its a free country then criticize or attack others who have a different opinion than their own. make your own choices.
   
  for instance- i believe in saving and living below your means. when it comes to investing, i think bogleheads are irresponsible. in fact i have some ira and retirement money in indexes but the bulk of my money i use to day trade. now i know thats a bad word to say around here but its whats right for me, may not be right for you or others, but for me it works. i enjoy it, im pretty good at it and im most comfortable being out of the market for the most part at the end of the day. i trade 2-3 days a week and most months i make more doing that than i do at my job.  again im not saying you or anyone else should do it im saying it works for me. now  watch others  read this and watch how they attack me and send me articles that say i cant beat the market and all sorts of garbage and you know what- i dont care what they say. in your life you shouldnt care either. LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. now go forth and prosper!

Sweet, so day trading is the magic pill.  Tell us what trades to make so that we can share your success.

[BPA]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.

This, + don't discuss spending/finances with others in a way that could be construed as bragging.

It comes up normally in conversation though, or through observing your life.  You drive an older model vehicle (especially if it's not a truck or suv), you live in a smaller house than they know you can "afford", you bring your lunch to work.   Those people still think you are "missing out" if you do any of those.  After all you make decent money, why wouldn't you buy a much larger house an extra 40 minutes from work? Think of all the extra space and yard you are missing out on.  I have definitely gotten those comments before.

This.  I don't have a car which many of my co-workers think is weird.  I live in a smaller house than they do.  I don't care what they think, but if I "do it right" in their minds, I will spend a lot more money than I do. 

You have to not give a shit what others think. 

[Holyoak]

Same asshats making $125k that have to choose between food and fixing their clown car/washing machine/paying their Mcmansion mortgage, living damn near paycheck-to-paycheck, finance everything, double garage bulging with shit...  Nothing but WEAK, materialistic suckas, slaves who don't even see the the chains.  Best part is all they can do is bitch about how hard it is to get by...  These folks crumple up if the power is out for 20 mins, could not change a tire to save their lives, can't cook instant rice, kids are total brats...  Yeah, I'm totaling suffering...  NOT!  So glad I no longer have coworkers, listening to their insipid shit.

[fartface]

Same asshats making $125k that have to choose between food and fixing their clown car/washing machine/paying their Mcmansion mortgage, living damn near paycheck-to-paycheck, finance everything, double garage bulging with shit...  Nothing but WEAK, materialistic suckas, slaves who don't even see the the chains.  Best part is all they can do is bitch about how hard it is to get by...  These folks crumple up if the power is out for 20 mins, could not change a tire to save their lives, can't cook instant rice, kids are total brats...  Yeah, I'm totaling suffering...  NOT!  So glad I no longer have coworkers, listening to their insipid shit.

Nice rant. I liked it.

Feel the same way about the debt ridden slaves I'm surrounded by most days. You captured their 'essence' well.

[Mr. Frugalwoods]

Did you ever have a coworker/friend/family member judge your frugal lifestyle by saying, "sure, you are saving a lot of money, but you are missing out on life - is it really worth it?"  My response is always, "what, exactly, am a missing out on?"  They usually say, nice things, cars, big houses, fancy vacations, etc.

I pity these people.  They are stuck on the hamster wheel.  I think many people eventually come to the realization that there could be more to life than consumerism... but by that point they are in too deep.

[AgileTurtle]

Some people are missing out though.
I find people on this site live pretty good lives. But, I know frugal people in real life that are truly missing out. They wont do anything that costs money including travel anywhere out side the metro area. One has never been outside 100 miles from where he was born. My old coworker would try to eat less than $1 for lunch, even when it made him sick. Some people take it to a dumb level.

I think when people think a frugal person is missing out, they are thinking of extreme cases and dont know about us.

[GardenFun]

Some people are missing out though.
I find people on this site live pretty good lives. But, I know frugal people in real life that are truly missing out. They wont do anything that costs money including travel anywhere out side the metro area. One has never been outside 100 miles from where he was born. My old coworker would try to eat less than $1 for lunch, even when it made him sick. Some people take it to a dumb level.

I think when people think a frugal person is missing out, they are thinking of extreme cases and dont know about us.

+1.  Doing the extra work to get the best value (but not always the cheapest) is the goal of any purchase.  I don't dumpster dive, but I grow a lot of our own veggies.  I don't wear burlap sacks, but shop thrift stores for well-made clothes.  I own an SUV (oh no!) but use it sparingly. 

[Pooperman]

Some people are missing out though.
I find people on this site live pretty good lives. But, I know frugal people in real life that are truly missing out. They wont do anything that costs money including travel anywhere out side the metro area. One has never been outside 100 miles from where he was born. My old coworker would try to eat less than $1 for lunch, even when it made him sick. Some people take it to a dumb level.

I think when people think a frugal person is missing out, they are thinking of extreme cases and dont know about us.

This is cheap, not frugal. A frugal person would travel but do it for really cheap or free because of things like churning or travel hacking or whatever other method. A frugal person would never risk spending money on medical bills over questionable food just because it was $1 instead of $3.

[Dicey]

Hiding behind half truths and excuses for your spending habits so you aren't seen as bragging is the total opposite to "grow a set" from my perspective. Be honest and just say "I'm trying to save more money so I can retire early". That's something to be proud of and isn't bragging or deflecting to spare someone's feelings.

You may be surprised to note that I agree with you 100%, spartana. It seems that the OP has an inability to keep their personal business private, or to defend it effectively, hence their original post. I suspect that something you and I may have in common is complete comfort in being outliers. Heck, it's likely neither of us thinks of ourselves as outliers at all (except as in "out lying in the sun"...lol). Others struggle with the need to conform. It struck me that the OP was in the latter group, hence the suggestions and the advice to "grow a set".

[VirginiaBob]

Hiding behind half truths and excuses for your spending habits so you aren't seen as bragging is the total opposite to "grow a set" from my perspective. Be honest and just say "I'm trying to save more money so I can retire early". That's something to be proud of and isn't bragging or deflecting to spare someone's feelings.

You may be surprised to note that I agree with you 100%, spartana. It seems that the OP has an inability to keep their personal business private, or to defend it effectively, hence their original post. I suspect that something you and I may have in common is complete comfort in being outliers. Heck, it's likely neither of us thinks of ourselves as outliers at all (except as in "out lying in the sun"...lol). Others struggle with the need to conform. It struck me that the OP was in the latter group, hence the suggestions and the advice to "grow a set".

Yes, because discussing this stuff only in anonymous internet forums rather than with people you actually know, really shows that you "have a set".   Lol!  Circle of influence, etc.

[frugalnacho]

If you do it right, nobody will think that you are "missing out".  Sure, folks know I don't like to spend a lot of money, but they never see me as deprived.  Enjoy life, just do it for less than everyone else.

This, + don't discuss spending/finances with others in a way that could be construed as bragging.

It comes up normally in conversation though, or through observing your life.  You drive an older model vehicle (especially if it's not a truck or suv), you live in a smaller house than they know you can "afford", you bring your lunch to work.   Those people still think you are "missing out" if you do any of those.  After all you make decent money, why wouldn't you buy a much larger house an extra 40 minutes from work? Think of all the extra space and yard you are missing out on.  I have definitely gotten those comments before.

I see your point, but tend to think that telling anyone your savings rate is bragging, period. Who needs to know this? Same thing with your car. "It's paid for" or "It has sentimental value" or "It was my grandma's" etc. should quell any nosy inquiries. Ditto for the house. The only exception I'd made is if your house/car/whatever looks like a total piece of shit. Being an eyesore is unnecessary. Nothing wrong with being neat, clean and modest.
The lunch question makes me laugh. Really? A badass such as yourself is intimidated by this? Try "I have food allergies/a sensitive palate" or "I grew it myself" or any of a hundred other things. I am not advocating lying, but you are not required to answer every nosy question ever posed to you. Seriously, grow a set and deflect with a sense of humor. "Problem" solved.

I don't brag about my savings rate, i'm just saying others can infer from my lifestyle that I don't spend every cent I have.  I'm also very honest and don't bullshit with people.  If they ask why I am bringing my lunch i'll tell them straight up: I am trying to save money to retire by 40.  If they don't like that it's not my problem.  Even before I discovered MMM I got some questions about my house purchase, which was only 1 mile from my work (my office has since moved and is now 6 miles from me).  I told them flat out it's to reduce my commute.  I travel to and from work 5 days a week, why would I intentionally move further away so I could spend a bunch of time and money just to get back and forth every day? It's insanity.  I had a coworker that had a 90 minute commute one way.  Several still have about an hour each way. 

Hiding behind half truths and excuses for your spending habits so you aren't seen as bragging is the total opposite to "grow a set" from my perspective. Be honest and just say "I'm trying to save more money so I can retire early". That's something to be proud of and isn't bragging or deflecting to spare someone's feelings.

+1

[dude]

A co-worker who knows I'm reasonably knowledgable on this saving/investing/retiring thing asked me for advice.  My bosses' response to him asking me for this advice was, "Why are you asking him, have you seen what he drives?"  Now mind you, my car is no beater by any means, it's a 2008 (fully paid for) Subaru Outback.  My boss, on the other hand, has had at least 3 new cars in the 4-5 years I've been here, has a very large house in the suburbs with a fully-furnished basement that has a giant TV, stadium seating, a vintage jukebox, and all kinds of other silly memorabilia, an outdoor heated swimming pool, and all other manner of luxury.  He only makes about $20K more than I do (and he's got two kids, I have none).

Our savings rate (DW and I), if you include deferred compensation, is 67% of net income, and yet, we take 2-3 international trips each year, have a stupidly high standard of living, and a NW over $1M and rising fast.  But yeah, look at that shitbox (!) I drive -- uh huh.

[Neustache]

I don't have coworkers, and my husband's coworkers are all IT people, so maybe that skews things a bit, but he doesn't catch flack for bringing in his lunch or having an older phone.   One guy did mention that my husband has the oldest phone he's seen on the network, which is funny, because it's like an Iphone 4S or something, which to me isn't that old.  But he wasn't teasing him, just mentioning it.  I think it pleased my husband.

This is the same phone that recently took a dip in a pond.  I've never seen my husband move so fast to retrieve it.  It was...hilarious.  He went from a standing position to flat on his stomach fishing around in half a second.  Found it, too, and dried it out, still works.   I think most IT people, in particular, would have used that as an excuse to upgrade. Not my hubby.  God I love that man.  Sorry...off topic.  Ha!

[Elisabeth]

In my work place, appearing to have money is bad for your career. Most promotions and bonuses, with the exception of overseas assignments, are not merit-based. If management thinks you have money, or if you don't have kids, you will not get a bonus; it goes to people who "need" it rather than earn it.

So, keep bringing your lunch to work and driving shitty cars to get ahead, and not just with your 401k balance.

[hybrid]

A co-worker who knows I'm reasonably knowledgable on this saving/investing/retiring thing asked me for advice.  My bosses' response to him asking me for this advice was, "Why are you asking him, have you seen what he drives?"  Now mind you, my car is no beater by any means, it's a 2008 (fully paid for) Subaru Outback.  My boss, on the other hand, has had at least 3 new cars in the 4-5 years I've been here, has a very large house in the suburbs with a fully-furnished basement that has a giant TV, stadium seating, a vintage jukebox, and all kinds of other silly memorabilia, an outdoor heated swimming pool, and all other manner of luxury.  He only makes about $20K more than I do (and he's got two kids, I have none).

Our savings rate (DW and I), if you include deferred compensation, is 67% of net income, and yet, we take 2-3 international trips each year, have a stupidly high standard of living, and a NW over $1M and rising fast.  But yeah, look at that shitbox (!) I drive -- uh huh.

My bold. That made my morning, a 2008 Outback being considered old.....

Oddly enough, I've never had a coworker question say something like this, and several know what my goals are. I get this from several friends I've known for years, though. At the end of the day those friends simply aren't looking at the situation from the same angle I am, so I have to take the time to explain why disc golf is just as enjoyable as ball golf, why OTA and Hulu Plus offer me all the TV entertainment value I could hope for, and why eating out one day a week at work with friends is a better idea than eating out five days a week because it is convenient. etc. etc.

I'm on the other side of the fence, I am usually the one actively questioning people at work why they hang onto cable. When your argument is so much easier to make (like informing that person they are paying an extra $1000 a year to watch TV when most of the TV they watch is free to begin with), it is a lot easier to have that conversation.

Having said that, I don't question peoples cars. That is often a very personal decision some people get invested in, and I may as well be asking them why they go to the Church they go to.

I recently got a really great dress shirt from a thrift store for $3.25. The first day I wore it to work I got compliments from coworkers, and that was all I needed to launch into what a great value it was.

[AgileTurtle]

In my work place, appearing to have money is bad for your career. Most promotions and bonuses, with the exception of overseas assignments, are not merit-based. If management thinks you have money, or if you don't have kids, you will not get a bonus; it goes to people who "need" it rather than earn it.

So, keep bringing your lunch to work and driving shitty cars to get ahead, and not just with your 401k balance.

Do they burn copies of Atlas Shrugged while they are it?

[AgileTurtle]

Some people are missing out though.
I find people on this site live pretty good lives. But, I know frugal people in real life that are truly missing out. They wont do anything that costs money including travel anywhere out side the metro area. One has never been outside 100 miles from where he was born. My old coworker would try to eat less than $1 for lunch, even when it made him sick. Some people take it to a dumb level.

I think when people think a frugal person is missing out, they are thinking of extreme cases and dont know about us.

This is cheap, not frugal. A frugal person would travel but do it for really cheap or free because of things like churning or travel hacking or whatever other method. A frugal person would never risk spending money on medical bills over questionable food just because it was $1 instead of $3.

I agree, but in the eyes of the of uninformed frugal and cheap look very similar.

[Elisabeth]

In my work place, appearing to have money is bad for your career. Most promotions and bonuses, with the exception of overseas assignments, are not merit-based. If management thinks you have money, or if you don't have kids, you will not get a bonus; it goes to people who "need" it rather than earn it.

So, keep bringing your lunch to work and driving shitty cars to get ahead, and not just with your 401k balance.

Do they burn copies of Atlas Shrugged while they are it?

And cash.

[hybrid]

I agree, but in the eyes of the of uninformed frugal and cheap look very similar.

This is very true, all the more important to explain the difference to those that don't get it.

 

[Breaker]

There are two things about this thread that I find amazing.

1.  That you actually discuss personal finances with co-workers

2.  That you spend any time thinking about what co-workers think about your lifestyle.

How about just telling people in a nice way that your finances are personal?

[justajane]

Some people are missing out though.
I find people on this site live pretty good lives. But, I know frugal people in real life that are truly missing out. They wont do anything that costs money including travel anywhere out side the metro area. One has never been outside 100 miles from where he was born. My old coworker would try to eat less than $1 for lunch, even when it made him sick. Some people take it to a dumb level.

I think when people think a frugal person is missing out, they are thinking of extreme cases and dont know about us.

I was going to say the same thing. My parents oftentimes tip the scales from frugal to cheap, and they been doing it so long that they convince themselves that they don't want things that they really do. In that sense, I think they are missing out on things, but more importantly money enslaves them just as much from the other end of the perspective. They are enslaved to NOT spending it and to NOT being a consumerist.

For instance, we were on a family trip (for a funeral once) and needed to eat out somewhere on the road. My mom expressed that she was tired of the fare we had been eating and really needed a salad. We ended up going to Wendy's (because that was the best option available), and when push came to shove, she couldn't bring herself to spend $5 on the salad and instead got the $1 hamburger because it was cheaper. I called her on it, urging her to "splurge" and get the fast food meal her body craved (it all sounds so ridiculous typing it out), but her response was, "The reason we have so much saved for the future is because we are so extremely frugal." It's true, but as her daughter, I would rather that she have a couple thousand less in investments and find the time every couple of months to splurge on things they enjoy.

Another time, she discussed how much she enjoyed some free wine and good quality cheese that she had at a free symphony event in our city. She said she and her other frugal friend talked about how they should "live a little" and buy nice cheese like that once in a while. What made me sad is that I knew she would never do it, even though good(ish) cheese can be had for less than $10.

I like the point made above that your coworkers likely think you live like my parents, even though you probably don't.

[powersuitrecall]

I don't discuss specifics with cow-workers ... but one likes to tell me about his (half a mill in HELOC/mortgage debt, financed cars, etc). 

Some folks are just looking for attention.

[Sid Hoffman]

This thread reminds me of a joke I saw: "If a firefighter becomes a vegan, which one do they tell everyone about first?"  I suspect there is a certain temptation to subconsciously tell everyone about your frugal ways because you are proud of yourself, similar to vegans and firefighters.

[Le Barbu]

There are two things about this thread that I find amazing.

1.  That you actually discuss personal finances with co-workers

2.  That you spend any time thinking about what co-workers think about your lifestyle.

How about just telling people in a nice way that your finances are personal?

Maybe because more than 50% of conversation with co-workers turns arround spending (finance)...

Personal does not mean private. I got some topics much more private than my finances. Finance is not more personal than cooking tips, child education or vacations

[Siobhan]

I recently had this conversation in my work place.  Found out my boss is on the same FIRE track, and that we both want to retire to the same island lol.  The rest of our coworkers thought we were crazy.  My husband talks about it all the time at his work, his coworkers think it's the greatest idea since sliced bread (military), their wives...not so much.

My biggest anti frugal fight is with my mother believe it or not.  She CONSTANTLY tells us we are cheap, we need to buy a bigger house so she's more comfortable when she visits (we have a 3 bed townhouse, it's us and the pets and housing here is CRAZY expensive).  Tells us we need to go on vacations more (hello my husband hasn't been home for the better part of two years) and to exotic locals, she mocked us when we told her we were thinking of Key West over Christmas (cheap MWR lodging) and said we should go to South America or the Caribbean because it's nicer and "we can afford it".  As soon as we booked it she invited herself right on down...to our first vacation in 5 years...did I mention she has invited herself along on every vacation we've ever had?  Oh and she doesn't have a dime saved for retirement outside of the principle of their house...at 68.  She told us she fully expects to live with us when my father passes away, my husband and I are at a loss with her...who does those things?!?!?!  She was pretty normal until my dad started getting sick and she realized she put big house over bank accounts her whole life.

[Guses]

For instance, we were on a family trip (for a funeral once) and needed to eat out somewhere on the road. My mom expressed that she was tired of the fare we had been eating and really needed a salad. We ended up going to Wendy's (because that was the best option available), and when push came to shove, she couldn't bring herself to spend $5 on the salad and instead got the $1 hamburger because it was cheaper. I called her on it, urging her to "splurge" and get the fast food meal her body craved (it all sounds so ridiculous typing it out), but her response was, "The reason we have so much saved for the future is because we are so extremely frugal." It's true, but as her daughter, I would rather that she have a couple thousand less in investments and find the time every couple of months to splurge on things they enjoy.

Maybe your mom does not value the salad over hamburger as much as 4$? It must still be a special event that she went to a restaurant.

How is this judging different from that of the coworkers in the OP?

I think it's only a matter of perspective. We each make our own individual choices.

[Sid Hoffman]

As soon as we booked it she invited herself right on down...to our first vacation in 5 years...did I mention she has invited herself along on every vacation we've ever had?

That's easy to fix, but you need to stop being a pushover.  Just don't tell her where you are going because you want to be together, just as husband & wife.  Same for her trying to invite herself to live with you: chances are she's been overbearing and controlling for your entire life and neither of you know any other way.  I know it's family and all, but if you don't set boundaries I can tell you that you'll be choosing your mother over your husband, and ultimately will probably lose both: one to divorce and the other to the statistically likely in the next 10 years death.

[frugalnacho]

For instance, we were on a family trip (for a funeral once) and needed to eat out somewhere on the road. My mom expressed that she was tired of the fare we had been eating and really needed a salad. We ended up going to Wendy's (because that was the best option available), and when push came to shove, she couldn't bring herself to spend $5 on the salad and instead got the $1 hamburger because it was cheaper. I called her on it, urging her to "splurge" and get the fast food meal her body craved (it all sounds so ridiculous typing it out), but her response was, "The reason we have so much saved for the future is because we are so extremely frugal." It's true, but as her daughter, I would rather that she have a couple thousand less in investments and find the time every couple of months to splurge on things they enjoy.

Maybe your mom does not value the salad over hamburger as much as 4$? It must still be a special event that she went to a restaurant.

How is this judging different from that of the coworkers in the OP?

I think it's only a matter of perspective. We each make our own individual choices.

That, and a millionaire is made 10 bucks at a time.  You scoff at other peoples wasteful $10 purchases, and your mother scoffs at the idea she should splurge $10 for cheese.

[Siobhan]

Oh she's been overbearing alright lol, at 18 I moved 4 states away, and that's the closest I've lived for a good while now lol.  It's a lot easier to say NO when you live halfway across the country.  Sadly we are now within driving distance again.  Thankfully far enough that she doesn't expect us to drive up on a weekend and do her yard work. 

We've done the "putting the foot" down thing.  She wanted us to have a 35k plus wedding in NJ (we lived in CO at the time, hubs family was in CA, no they weren't paying for a dime) and we wanted to elope and get married on a beach in HI...cheaply.  She didn't speak to me for 2 months when I said either show up in HI or don't, we don't really care, but we aren't doing the wedding in NJ so deal.  She then harassed the crap out of my then fiance.  Sadly my other siblings are rejects so we are the only ones with the mental and financial means to do anything when my father passes (she loses most of his pension and healthcare) so I think it's a "we are stuck with her" or she's on the street.  We are trying to build in extra cash to just pay off her place and let her stay there, far, far, away from us just in case.

[Neustache]

Yeah..I'd have a hard time with a 5 dollar salad purchase when 2 dollars gets me enough romaine lettuce for three nights worth of salads for three people.  Eek. 

Siobhan...ugh.  Good luck with that. 

[RyanAtTanagra]

Did you ever have a coworker/friend/family member judge your frugal lifestyle by saying, "sure, you are saving a lot of money, but you are missing out on life - is it really worth it?"  My response is always, "what, exactly, am a missing out on?"  They usually say, nice things, cars, big houses, fancy vacations, etc.

The best response I've heard to this was someone on this forum, but I forget who.  It was something along the lines of 'Anyone who thinks they have to spend everything they earn to live life to the fullest has been misinformed and is doing it wrong.'

[OSUBearCub]

Nobody knows I'm a tightwad.  I don't go out of my way to do so, but I generally don't "present" as overly-frugal.  It's not terribly difficult.  My lunch is packed every day due to legitimate dietary issues - no dairy, on a diet so that doesn't raise suspicion.  My wardrobe is small but well maintained and neat with a new (to me) shirt or pants about every 3 months.  My car is a 10 year old beater.  With the exception of a taped-up hole in the tail light, it's well maintained too.

The only thing I get the side eye on is my apartment.   It's really rare for anyone in the Orlando area to actively seek out a studio apartment.  My answer to push-back is "I'm one guy, no pets, no spouse.  Why do I need extra bedrooms?"  My mom thinks it's a government conspiracy to take away our freedom to own land - I'm not kidding, it's nuts.  The rest of my family gets it though.

[SisterX]

There are two things about this thread that I find amazing.

1.  That you actually discuss personal finances with co-workers

2.  That you spend any time thinking about what co-workers think about your lifestyle.

How about just telling people in a nice way that your finances are personal?

Maybe because more than 50% of conversation with co-workers turns arround spending (finance)...

Personal does not mean private. I got some topics much more private than my finances. Finance is not more personal than cooking tips, child education or vacations

The office I work in, no one has cubicles.  We can all see/hear each other.  So, when they/I have to make phone calls, we all hear it.  I can hear my one coworker calling to pay off some medical debt, and my other coworker who has been renting a house which is now in foreclosure, so he's trying to figure out the legal ramifications.  The topic of finances naturally comes up sometimes when you can all see/hear each other's business.  "Gah, I'm so SICK of paying for my husband's hospital visit.  Thank goodness it's our only debt, other than the mortgage."  Or, "Well, if we had to move out and rent a new place soon, we could afford it, but I like our place.  It's conveniently along the bus lines."  They also know that my husband is in school and we're living on my salary alone (and they know exactly what I make, since they both interviewed me for this position) and that we have a kid.  So they can guess at what frugal hoops we go through to make this work.  They've overheard me saying that I won't pay for the office water because I can just bring jugs of water from home and avoid paying $4/month, etc.  Sometimes, the topic just comes up.
Thank goodness my coworkers are reasonable about finances.  My family is too.  In fact, my parents love that all of their children turned out to be pretty frugal.