Author Topic: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition  (Read 17656 times)

hudsoncat

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 290
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #150 on: November 18, 2020, 07:58:35 AM »
I don't have guilt, but I do have sorrow. We live a in a different state from my side and my in-laws. (my side and the in-laws are also in different states... my state isn't great, but the both of the states where the families are located are on fire at the moment). We live far enough that often we only see our families during the holidays. I am sad we will not be able to visit in-person but I am also sad at the response we are getting for being unwilling to travel.

My in-laws are not taking this seriously at all. They have badgered my partner enough on the family group text that he finally told them he wasn't willing to discuss it any more and muted the chat. He hasn't spoken to his mom or siblings in over two weeks, which is a long time for him.

My family is split on how seriously they are taking it. Those taking it seriously, get it and understand. Those that do not, including my mom and siblings, are not badgering but they keep making comments aimed at making me feel guilty. It's not working, but it is starting to make me annoyed. They might also have to go on the mute list for a bit.

CodingHare

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 99
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #151 on: November 18, 2020, 08:52:13 AM »
I'm a bit nervous.  My family lives an hour north of us, and my SO's family lives another hour and a half north of them.  We usually do the holidays like this: Thanksgiving day: Stay over night with my parents, Black Friday, stay overnight at his parents, drive home Saturday.  Similarly, Christmas Eve we stay with my parents, then Christmas Day we go to his folks.  No extended family in attendance, so at least we won't be risking killing grandma.

Well obviously that's shot because we would be transferring crud from my parents to his with no quarantine period.  We're still planning to see both sides, but with two weeks between each visit to each side.

Both sets of parents are less careful than we are. Mine keep shopping at peak hours, but at least wear masks.  My dad goes into work instead of working from home "because he prefers it."  Meanwhile SO's family are Trump supporters and have been going to breweries (at least outside).  And SO's mom works inside a school and has to go in.  My SO and I both work from home and have only left the house to get groceries about once a week--at 5am to avoid other shoppers.

So really, the people most at risk are us... and so far we've felt we're young and healthy enough to risk the visits.  If Thanksgiving at his parents makes me less confident in SO's family's risk mitigation, we'll reevaluate.  Ultimately, it feels like we would be risking the relationship if we didn't go.  Which sounds stupid when I write it down, but there it is.

Adventine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1574
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Manila, Philippines
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #152 on: November 30, 2020, 04:07:54 AM »
So how did all your Thanksgiving get-togethers go? Were you all able to isolate/distance/celebrate responsibly? :) Hopefully nobody participated in what might become super spreader events.

tygertygertyger

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #153 on: November 30, 2020, 11:28:39 AM »
Mine was good. My partner and I met up with my mom at a new park, and walked around the lake. My brother lives near that park, and texted us to stop by after the walk, as they were just doing yard work outside. So I got to see most of my family, all outdoors, and felt good about it. (My brother was originally supposed at his house, but apparently nobody felt comfortable going!)

Then partner and I headed home and made our own mini-feast with our pup. Next up, hand-wringing over Christmas plans!

Dollar Slice

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6529
  • Age: 43
  • Location: New York City
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #154 on: November 30, 2020, 12:05:20 PM »
So how did all your Thanksgiving get-togethers go? Were you all able to isolate/distance/celebrate responsibly? :) Hopefully nobody participated in what might become super spreader events.

It was fine. I was able to isolate for about two weeks before Thanksgiving and got a COVID test as well. I went to see my parents. We also invited some neighbor friends of theirs who have no family nearby. All of us isolated and got tested and haven't done anything but masked grocery/drug-store/medical appointments for 3+ weeks before the holiday. We also got lucky and had a relatively warm Thanksgiving, so we were able to keep all the windows and doors open for ventilation, just in case there was a one in a million edge case where one of us was asymptomatic, didn't show up on a PCR test, but somehow still infected/contagious after the isolation period. And we did other things, like having two of everything at the table that you'd need to pass (one for each family) so people wouldn't have to keep touching and re-touching or leaning over each other. The people who weren't cooking sat outside until it got dark. There were no hugs and people tried to stay a few feet apart (we put leaves in the dining table so we could sit farther apart).

That said, I think if anyone had been infected, we'd have all gotten it. The important part is isolating and testing in advance, if you're going to be indoors. Opening windows might lower the odds a little, but it's no guarantee. And you have to be able to trust the people you're with to actually understand how isolation/quarantine works and to do it correctly and fully. This is a rare case where I am able to trust all of the people. I wouldn't trust 95% of the people I know.

CodingHare

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 99
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #155 on: November 30, 2020, 12:49:15 PM »
So how did all your Thanksgiving get-togethers go? Were you all able to isolate/distance/celebrate responsibly? :) Hopefully nobody participated in what might become super spreader events.

Not super!  Turns out SO's parents weren't isolating as much as they had led us to believe.  I caught something and have been sick for the last few days.  We plan to quarantine in place and not do anymore holiday events.  One trial with getting sick was enough for us.  Our fault for trusting too much, I guess.

goat_music_generator

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 168
  • Location: Maryland
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #156 on: November 30, 2020, 02:07:43 PM »
So how did all your Thanksgiving get-togethers go? Were you all able to isolate/distance/celebrate responsibly? :) Hopefully nobody participated in what might become super spreader events.

Not super!  Turns out SO's parents weren't isolating as much as they had led us to believe.  I caught something and have been sick for the last few days.  We plan to quarantine in place and not do anymore holiday events.  One trial with getting sick was enough for us.  Our fault for trusting too much, I guess.

Oh jeez, that really sucks. At least you have a really good reason to say no next time :-/ Hope you feel better soon.

NotJen

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 874
  • Location: USA
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #157 on: November 30, 2020, 02:30:24 PM »
So how did all your Thanksgiving get-togethers go? Were you all able to isolate/distance/celebrate responsibly? :) Hopefully nobody participated in what might become super spreader events.

I stayed home and did nothing (well, I cooked some good food, but it was just like every other day).  My family is 800 miles away and a no-go for visits.  We thought about visiting my BF's family (300 miles away) - it would have been a small gathering of 11 people, but they were going to be "business as usual" with no modifications, so we decided not to go.  Then two members of his family were exposed (one at work, one at daycare) right before Thanksgiving - their tests came back negative, but it wasn't clear if they'd get their results before the family gathering they were still planning to have.  I'm still hoping no one got exposed during the meal.

DizzyDaisies

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 12
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #158 on: November 30, 2020, 07:13:05 PM »
Update on my own situation (I’m the one with the big, multi-state in-law Christmas reunion). We were supposed to host his family for Thanksgiving and cancelled. The rest of them got together without us. My elderly father-in-law was diagnosed with COVID yesterday. He was sick with mild, non-typical symptoms on Thanksgiving and attended anyway because he did not recognize those symptoms as being COVID. He had been exposed 4 days prior during an unnecessary social outing. They’re not the most forthcoming with information, but from what we’ve been told, so far his symptoms are mild and no one else is sick. We certainly hope it stays that way. But we are extremely relieved that we did not attend Thanksgiving and will not be attending Christmas either. Thank you all for helping me grow a backbone.

jrhampt

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Age: 43
  • Location: Connecticut
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #159 on: December 01, 2020, 06:06:18 AM »
Thanksgiving was good with just the two of us for the first time maybe ever?  We ate a lot and slept a lot and exercised every day.  Had the whole week off to stay home and couch up.

Prairie Gal

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1999
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #160 on: December 01, 2020, 06:55:48 AM »
Update on my own situation (I’m the one with the big, multi-state in-law Christmas reunion). We were supposed to host his family for Thanksgiving and cancelled. The rest of them got together without us. My elderly father-in-law was diagnosed with COVID yesterday. He was sick with mild, non-typical symptoms on Thanksgiving and attended anyway because he did not recognize those symptoms as being COVID. He had been exposed 4 days prior during an unnecessary social outing. They’re not the most forthcoming with information, but from what we’ve been told, so far his symptoms are mild and no one else is sick. We certainly hope it stays that way. But we are extremely relieved that we did not attend Thanksgiving and will not be attending Christmas either. Thank you all for helping me grow a backbone.

Oh no! I hope your FIL is OK. Unfortunately, that is exactly how this thing is spreading like wildfire. So glad you stayed home.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4780
  • Location: Northwest Indiana
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #161 on: December 01, 2020, 10:23:21 AM »
Update on my own situation (I’m the one with the big, multi-state in-law Christmas reunion). We were supposed to host his family for Thanksgiving and cancelled. The rest of them got together without us. My elderly father-in-law was diagnosed with COVID yesterday. He was sick with mild, non-typical symptoms on Thanksgiving and attended anyway because he did not recognize those symptoms as being COVID. He had been exposed 4 days prior during an unnecessary social outing. They’re not the most forthcoming with information, but from what we’ve been told, so far his symptoms are mild and no one else is sick. We certainly hope it stays that way. But we are extremely relieved that we did not attend Thanksgiving and will not be attending Christmas either. Thank you all for helping me grow a backbone.

Oh no! I hope your FIL is OK. Unfortunately, that is exactly how this thing is spreading like wildfire. So glad you stayed home.

Seconded. And while others may not have symptoms, they are very possibly asymptomatic. What a mess.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4407
  • Age: 125
  • Location: Just past the red barn on the left.
  • Here to learn.
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #162 on: December 01, 2020, 11:27:31 AM »
We stayed home for the first time in years and honestly really enjoyed it. So relaxing. DW made us a great meal. We messed around the house and played with our toys. ;)

Other parts of the family had the holidays as usual so large group, smallish house. No reports of sickness yet.

Came back to work and coworkers were not careful by their own admissions. Several reported traveling all over to see family and friends for the holidays as usual.

Hoping DW and I don't catch anything from coworkers.

Neustache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1224
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #163 on: December 01, 2020, 05:31:31 PM »
It was just the four of us at home, and it was wonderful.  We split the tasks up and it was pretty fun.  I'm glad my kids have one Thanksgiving memory of their mom and dad cooking (dad cooks all the time, it's a bit more rare for me!)

DizzyDaisies

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 12
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #164 on: December 01, 2020, 05:34:20 PM »
Update on my own situation (I’m the one with the big, multi-state in-law Christmas reunion). We were supposed to host his family for Thanksgiving and cancelled. The rest of them got together without us. My elderly father-in-law was diagnosed with COVID yesterday. He was sick with mild, non-typical symptoms on Thanksgiving and attended anyway because he did not recognize those symptoms as being COVID. He had been exposed 4 days prior during an unnecessary social outing. They’re not the most forthcoming with information, but from what we’ve been told, so far his symptoms are mild and no one else is sick. We certainly hope it stays that way. But we are extremely relieved that we did not attend Thanksgiving and will not be attending Christmas either. Thank you all for helping me grow a backbone.

Oh no! I hope your FIL is OK. Unfortunately, that is exactly how this thing is spreading like wildfire. So glad you stayed home.

Seconded. And while others may not have symptoms, they are very possibly asymptomatic. What a mess.

Thank you both. FIL is doing ok so far. He’s not great, but does not need to be hospitalized. We are staying away from all of them, as we have been. Unfortunately, my husband is an essential worker (not healthcare) and works in the public. But beyond him going to work and trips to the grocery store, we are staying home.

CodingHare

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 99
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #165 on: December 07, 2020, 01:29:06 PM »
Not super!  Turns out SO's parents weren't isolating as much as they had led us to believe.  I caught something and have been sick for the last few days.  We plan to quarantine in place and not do anymore holiday events.  One trial with getting sick was enough for us.  Our fault for trusting too much, I guess.

Oh jeez, that really sucks. At least you have a really good reason to say no next time :-/ Hope you feel better soon.

I ended up getting a COVID test: negative, luckily. The cold cleared up a few days later.  Still, SO and I had a come to Jesus moment that more visits aren't worth the risk right now.  It very well could have been covid, and even passing a regular flu to my parents would put my mom at extra extra risk right now.  So we look forward to a quiet, no visits Christmas with some Zoom calls.

ixtap

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2831
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #166 on: December 07, 2020, 01:37:57 PM »
SIL asked if we are coming for Christmas, then almost immediately commented on a FB post that we here in CA are basically under house arrest.  Uh, no and no, but the new restrictions are there because our hospitals are filling up due to your fucking "hoax." Put a mask on, your county isn't far behind ours on hospital occupancy and you are surrounded by counties that are even worse...

Blackeagle

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 140
  • Location: Wichita, KS
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #167 on: December 07, 2020, 03:00:27 PM »
I had been planning on driving out of state to see my parents over Thanksgiving and stay for over a week, followed by a trip to another state to see some friends (would have gotten together with them this last weekend).  My parents are very careful, as am I.  No indoor dining, wear masks while grocery shopping and try to go as long between trips as possible, etc.  My friends are rather more dodgy.  My impression is that most are not taking things as seriously and many have jobs that are not compatible with working from home. 

In early November I decided I wouldn’t be making the second part of the trip to see my friends.  I held out hope of going to see my parents for a while longer.  Because both they and I are very careful, my biggest worry was the danger of me picking it up on the 2-3 day road trip out there.  I’d done a long road trip to see them over the summer when infection rates were much lower and it was obvious that no matter how hard you try there’s going to be some contact with other people at rest areas, gas stations, hotel check-in desks, etc.  Because I was planning to be out there for more than a week there would have been enough time for me to become contagious if I picked it up on the trip out and pass it on to my parents.  I ended up pulling the plug on the trip the week before Thanksgiving.

I bought all the makings of Thanksgiving dinner and we managed to synchronize the cooking timing so we were able to sit down to dinner at the same time and eat together via FaceTime on our iPads.  Not the same as being there, but probably the best choice, all things considered.

Raenia

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1544
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #168 on: December 08, 2020, 07:18:58 AM »
We're starting to face some guilt from family - we cancelled Thanksgiving with my mother and didn't let her come for my birthday either.  Practically speaking we've cancelled Christmas with my father (PA requires a 14 day quarantine or negative COVID test on entering the state, and my dad is out of state).  Both my mother and MIL heard that we didn't think we'd be able to see my dad as planned, and immediately attempted to slot themselves into that spot, since they're both in PA.  When I said no, my mom took it a little hard but didn't argue.  MIL, on the other hand, promptly suggested that we all do a 7 day quarantine ahead of time, so we can see her.  A) I work through the 23rd, so quarantining is not practical.  B) I have a hard time telling my mom we can't see her at all, then going ahead and seeing MIL (who we saw in Nov for DH's birthday).  C) Everyone has a different idea of what 'quarantine' means, and I don't know if her definition lines up with mine, and I don't want to have that conversation.

Trying to bring people around to a drive by to drop off gifts, followed by a zoom call to open them together.  Dad's gifts will have to be mailed, so I'm trying to get things together early.

jrhampt

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Age: 43
  • Location: Connecticut
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #169 on: December 08, 2020, 07:26:14 AM »
My Mom wants to see people for Christmas, but she and Dad can't quarantine because of Dad's job, and they are still choosing to go to church.  Plus, they are out of state and we have travel restrictions.  So we are basically resigned to not seeing them until after they get vaccinated, but apparently my Mom has decided she doesn't want to get vaccinated.  So.

tygertygertyger

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #170 on: December 08, 2020, 07:54:16 AM »
My brother called last night, asking what I want to do for Christmas, as I am the "picky" one in the family about Covid. He offered two options - 1) we could all go get Covid tests some time before Christmas, or 2) I could go see our Mom earlier in the day, then Mom could go to his house, as she is less picky.

I am surprised (and pleased) he offered the Covid test option, but I've started hearing more about false negatives, and our area is still SO RIFE with growing cases that I'm not sure it's the best idea with the deadline. I love my brother and miss hanging out with his family, but all five of them go to different places everyday (work / school / daycare).

My partner and I already turned down a plan to have Christmas with my partner's brother, so I think we're also going to turn down this one... I need to talk with my mom though about what she wants. It ain't easy being picky.

(Note: my mom is high risk. I can't and wouldn't control what she does, but I wouldn't see her if I thought I might bring Covid to her. Partner and I work from home and see nobody, so at least on that front I feel okay.)

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4780
  • Location: Northwest Indiana
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #171 on: December 08, 2020, 08:04:44 AM »
Well, mom was ok with no Thanksgiving. We did a zoom call in the evening. But she is really not happy about the idea of nothing for Christmas. This would be the first time that she's not had at least one kid around for Christmas, regardless of which house they were at. I'm sympathetic, but not budging. Given that I'm expecting cases to explode in the next week or so due to all the idiots who got together for Thanksgiving (and we're already at a 15% positivity rate), nope. We'll do zoom.

Arbitrage

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 831
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #172 on: December 08, 2020, 09:06:45 AM »
Locked down in SoCal for Christmas.  Technically, we could still get together with friends without fear of retribution, but I see no point in contributing to the problem.  We'll hold Christmas the same way we held Thanksgiving.  I suspect my friends are still pretending that their COVID bubble doesn't violate the guidelines, anyhow, and we wouldn't be comfortable attending.  Keeping my family masked up and distancing while indoors around them no longer feels sufficient (they don't mask around us, and the kids don't really distance while playing). 

Blackeagle

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 140
  • Location: Wichita, KS
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #173 on: December 08, 2020, 12:17:42 PM »
I am surprised (and pleased) he offered the Covid test option, but I've started hearing more about false negatives, and our area is still SO RIFE with growing cases that I'm not sure it's the best idea with the deadline.

The problem is you can be infected, but the test won't necessarily come up positive during the incubation period.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/22/world/sorry-but-a-negative-test-does-not-give-you-a-green-light-for-thanksgiving.html

tygertygertyger

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #174 on: December 08, 2020, 12:40:30 PM »
I am surprised (and pleased) he offered the Covid test option, but I've started hearing more about false negatives, and our area is still SO RIFE with growing cases that I'm not sure it's the best idea with the deadline.

The problem is you can be infected, but the test won't necessarily come up positive during the incubation period.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/22/world/sorry-but-a-negative-test-does-not-give-you-a-green-light-for-thanksgiving.html

Yep. I mentioned being pleased because other conversations this year suggest he thinks everything is overblown (you know, like mask use), so I appreciate that he loves me enough to take measures so we might spend the holiday together, even if those measures are not really sufficient. I will suggest a family walk somewhere pretty outside instead. I don't think he'll be surprised.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4407
  • Age: 125
  • Location: Just past the red barn on the left.
  • Here to learn.
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #175 on: December 21, 2020, 08:30:43 AM »
We had another conversation concerning Christmas with relatives who routinely downplay the seriousness of COVID. The mental gymnastics they used to justify their beliefs were impressive. Apparently social media rumor is factual if it comes from the right sources even if it can be fact checked as false from a dozen other sources. Oh and despite being high risk due to age and other factors - they've decided not to get the vaccine when available.

They made a statement about not buying anything from China this Christmas. That's why they are still shopping in the stores. Because the things sold in the stores (WalMart, Target, etc) are rarely from China while much of what is sold online is from China. DW let that one go.

....Oh boy!

Fortunately DW had a positive, loving conversation with our elders and let them know gently that we won't be coming. Our state is at or near the top of the COVID list now. Thankfully I have DW for these conversations b/c if I were the primary speaker it would sound unintentionally a little like "you're stupid, you're stupid, you're stupid." I can be blunt.

My intended message would be is look at the labels of what you are buying in your favorite store, you'll find PRC or China often printed there. Read a book. Go for a socially distanced walk. Turn off Fox News. Close Facebook. Play cards. We love you and will call you often this week. ;)

DW and I might do a socially distanced gift drop off at everyone's house. Park the gift on the front porch, back away from the house and call. Wave from halfway across the yard and maybe a quick chat. It'll be a few hours in the car b/c we are not in the same city. We are the cautious ones in that part of the family though indications are that two more may finally have seen the light too. 

charis

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2124
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #176 on: December 21, 2020, 08:51:03 AM »
My extended family is outwardly accepting of outdoor gatherings and less in person contact but I've heard from others that they have no idea why we started withholding their grandchildren when the case numbers started skyrocketing.

They simply don't understand the pandemic at all. They are focused only on themselves and convinced that they aren't doing anything that would exposed them (despite going stores and one household member has public interaction job).  They don't care or ask whether we are staying home, etc, but they know we have kids involved in some masked activities.

It's impossible to discuss the issue with them at all, it's like talking in circles. I had sympathy at first, they are older. But the complete lack of caring about how difficult they are making the situation for us has really grated on me.

The level of self involvement is unbelievable.  They seem to assume a special waiver of pandemic protocols because we generally spent a LOT of time together and they babysat (at their too frequent request - are any other parents experiencing very pushy grandparents?). That's not how it works, folks!
« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 08:52:42 AM by charis »

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14596
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #177 on: December 21, 2020, 05:12:32 PM »
I'm seeing all this and I have to say this.

BEING OLDER IS NOT AN EXCUSE.

I'm older.  My friends are older.  We are all being careful. 

There is idiocy in Canada as well as the US.  More of the idiocy I am seeing is in the younger groups. 

So you may want to give these people an out, but don't give them an out because they are older.  Unless they are sliding into senility, of course.

This rant brought to you by a raging (not) granny.

charis

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2124
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #178 on: December 21, 2020, 06:23:50 PM »
I don't mean to imply any cognitive issues or the like. They are putting the 'older' thing at issue by suggesting that we are at fault by not giving them, as grandparents, whatever access to our children that they want. This was a problem before, but the pandemic has made it far worse. Maybe they are acting like they don't understand or maybe they truly don't. I have no idea.  They are also gratuitous gift givers, generally with strings that they pretend aren't there. So this is clearly a boundary issue. But they are so generous with their time, how can we complain?
« Last Edit: December 21, 2020, 06:30:04 PM by charis »

kanga1622

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 334
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #179 on: December 21, 2020, 06:37:24 PM »
We have had some guilt thrown our way because we didn’t want any parental units in our house. They stopped in the garage to drop off gifts for about 5 minutes. A few hours later we got notified that a member of our household was exposed to COVID. The next day we got a notice that another member of our household was exposed to COVID. This is why I don’t want anyone in our house! We are protecting them probably more than protecting ourselves.

Now here’s to hoping we don’t end up with a houseful of COVID for Christmas! And that by summer we can be safe and able to visit our extended family again. I am really missing my siblings and only seeing each other every 2-3 years is hard enough.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8624
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #180 on: December 21, 2020, 07:27:39 PM »
We've had exactly one person in our house since March - teenager's friend who would not stay outside, even though we told him to.

So, he wants to hang out again, and his mom suggested the back yard.  I said "sorry, that didn't work last time".  So, beach it will be.  Masked.  Just to hang out/ walk/ whatever.  He might not agree to wear a mask but DS will.


RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14596
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #181 on: December 22, 2020, 07:48:36 AM »
I don't mean to imply any cognitive issues or the like. They are putting the 'older' thing at issue by suggesting that we are at fault by not giving them, as grandparents, whatever access to our children that they want. This was a problem before, but the pandemic has made it far worse. Maybe they are acting like they don't understand or maybe they truly don't. I have no idea.  They are also gratuitous gift givers, generally with strings that they pretend aren't there. So this is clearly a boundary issue. But they are so generous with their time, how can we complain?

So it's not an age issue, it's a lack of boundaries and sense of entitlement issue.  At least you are setting a good example to your kids about setting boundaries.

charis

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2124
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #182 on: December 22, 2020, 09:59:24 AM »
I don't mean to imply any cognitive issues or the like. They are putting the 'older' thing at issue by suggesting that we are at fault by not giving them, as grandparents, whatever access to our children that they want. This was a problem before, but the pandemic has made it far worse. Maybe they are acting like they don't understand or maybe they truly don't. I have no idea.  They are also gratuitous gift givers, generally with strings that they pretend aren't there. So this is clearly a boundary issue. But they are so generous with their time, how can we complain?

So it's not an age issue, it's a lack of boundaries and sense of entitlement issue.  At least you are setting a good example to your kids about setting boundaries.

Yes, I was sympathetic to their desires because they are older and concerned about not having enough time with the grandkids while they are still young. I don't know if their behavior and lack of understanding about the virus is age related or not, but this type of misunderstanding has certainly increased with their age

Neustache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1224
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #183 on: December 22, 2020, 08:46:18 PM »
Will be having an outdoor, masked and/or distanced event with my side (three households).  Other side of the family dropped off gifts and we will do Zoom when kids open presents if they are willing.    Seems like they have finally accepted our boundaries, which is nice.  My family was always fine with our boundaries.  If we manage to get CoVid from our outdoor/distanced/masked affair, then so be it.  My kids have only played with my nephew since March (outside, masked).  Looking forward to it. 

Raenia

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1544
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #184 on: December 23, 2020, 06:42:33 AM »
We're starting to face some guilt from family - we cancelled Thanksgiving with my mother and didn't let her come for my birthday either.  Practically speaking we've cancelled Christmas with my father (PA requires a 14 day quarantine or negative COVID test on entering the state, and my dad is out of state).  Both my mother and MIL heard that we didn't think we'd be able to see my dad as planned, and immediately attempted to slot themselves into that spot, since they're both in PA.  When I said no, my mom took it a little hard but didn't argue.  MIL, on the other hand, promptly suggested that we all do a 7 day quarantine ahead of time, so we can see her.  A) I work through the 23rd, so quarantining is not practical.  B) I have a hard time telling my mom we can't see her at all, then going ahead and seeing MIL (who we saw in Nov for DH's birthday).  C) Everyone has a different idea of what 'quarantine' means, and I don't know if her definition lines up with mine, and I don't want to have that conversation.

Trying to bring people around to a drive by to drop off gifts, followed by a zoom call to open them together.  Dad's gifts will have to be mailed, so I'm trying to get things together early.

Updates:

We saw my mom and sister last weekend to exchange boxes of gifts.  Sat with them a few minutes to chat (masked).  We will have a video chat Christmas day with Mom to open gifts together.

I mailed my dad's gifts, then found out he's going to come up to visit my sister in defiance of the PA travel restrictions.  They plan to come by for a porch drop off on Christmas eve or day, but we made clear that they can't come in and we can't hang out.  We will probably have a video chat once they get back and open together.

We are starting quarantine today to see MIL on the 30th.

Still deciding what to do for FIL - currently it's either stop by on our way back from MIL's to drop off gifts, or meet for dinner during the next few days.  I have mixed feelings on that, but we'll see how it goes.

We aren't seeing SIL - will have to mail her gifts after Christmas (DH isn't finished making one yet).  Normally she would come down to MIL's and probably quarantine together, but this year she is dealing with fleas.  More isolating than COVID!

Captain Cactus

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 279
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #185 on: December 31, 2020, 08:46:33 AM »
OP here... How did the holidays turn out for you all?  Did you survive the holiday guilt?  Is your family still speaking to you?

Things went well overall around here.  We broke the news to my mother several months ahead of time so the bandaid was ripped off early so she has plenty of time to get used to the idea... plus, over the course of the following weeks she came to the same conclusion that it probably makes sense in light of the ever-rising COVID tide.  She wasn't happy about it at first, sent sad-face emojis, etc... to guilt us, but she eventually came around.

The past few days she's been texting me news stories about breakouts, prominent people testing positive, etc... asking if I think we'll make it through this without contracting it ourselves, etc... showing signs of being really worried about the pandemic.  I advised she'll likely be ok if she stays away from restaurants, gyms, small spaces, etc... then she tells me she's got a friend coming over after work tonight and "it should be ok since we'll stay 6 feet apart".  So the words don't match the actions, but she's a grown up so she can make her own choices.  I advised her to open windows to at least keep circulation moving around. 

Holidays were fine for us, seemed weird not to be frantically driving over the countryside to accommodate everyone else's holiday wishes, but overall it was nice to stay home, relax, cook, etc... 

Adventine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1574
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Manila, Philippines
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #186 on: December 31, 2020, 08:53:18 AM »
We did well. I'm proud of my family and friends. We stayed at home in our respective bubbles, and compensated with plenty of food deliveries to each others' homes.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a healthier, saner 2021.

Blackeagle

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 140
  • Location: Wichita, KS
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #187 on: December 31, 2020, 09:28:55 AM »
We did Christmas dinner much the same way as thanksgiving.  We managed to get ready to eat at the same time and ate dinner together via FaceTime on our iPads.  After dinner we opened presents, again via video chat.  Not the same as being there, but it was the right choice for 2020.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4780
  • Location: Northwest Indiana
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #188 on: December 31, 2020, 10:19:44 AM »
All but one package arrived on time, and the last made it to me but I didn't have time to send it to mom. It was a duplicate anyway, she'll get it next time she's here. Did a 2-3 hour zoom on Christmas morning. Pretty funny when the biggest tech issues are caused because people are half asleep still and can't figure out how to see the giant camera button in the middle of the screen.... (me)

Parents ended up getting the most gifts, which was funny. Lot of books. Need to remember to call their local library and figure out how mom can pick up books, her card is likely expired.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8624
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #189 on: December 31, 2020, 01:17:39 PM »
Well, we live on the opposite coast, so it was fine.  We chatted on the phone or zoomed.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4407
  • Age: 125
  • Location: Just past the red barn on the left.
  • Here to learn.
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #190 on: January 02, 2021, 09:33:56 PM »
We did socially distanced gift drop offs. Looked like a series of drug deals. Masks, packages placed in the open garage, carefully backing away while maintaining eye contact, etc. ;)

Went well even with the COVID unconcerned relatives. Nobody sick yet.

dogboyslim

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 508
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #191 on: January 04, 2021, 09:13:30 AM »
my mother lives 13 hours away by vehicle, and she is very high risk, with multiple autoimmune diseases already.  She has been quarantined since the beginning.  My family stocked up on food, and stayed in the house for 14 days prior to her arrival.  We had no symptoms after that period of time, so she drove with my brother (who also has comorbidity risk) who is in her germ family.  They drove their RV and didn't go into any buildings and only stopped for gas once, paying at the pump.  She stayed here for 5 days.  We were not socially distant while here.  She drove back the same way.

It was probably a degree of risk, but we accepted it, and minimized the likelihood of transmission.  Now, a week later, no symptoms.  It was challenging to stay completely in the house (and outside in our yard with no contact with others) for 3 weeks straight, but it is what we did to feel safer about our spending time with family.

we will be having a socially distant outdoor xmas with my wife's parents next week, after we've gone 2 weeks without symptoms post my mom's visit.

NoVa

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 140
Re: COVID-19: Holiday Guilt Edition
« Reply #192 on: January 04, 2021, 12:56:17 PM »
Had trouble with the post office. Mailed a regular first class letter to someone in the same state on December 4 (dropped it directly at the post office), they didn't get it until December 28! About 3 hours away by car.