Thanks to the other forum member (you know who you are) for letting me know I needed to check in!
I realize that the idea of having to "cope with" finding yourself in this position seems absurd, but here I am.
Welcome to the forum! You’re finding your tribe(s).
And welcome to the club, too. I’m a retired U.S. Navy submariner, I retired from active duty in 2002, and we have a few dozen other military vets (U.S. and other countries) here as well.
Yes, you’re working through a 1%-of-the-first-world financial problem, but it’s a very good one to work on. Your other physical & mental feelings and symptoms are all too common as well. Some of them are unfortunately common with military vets while others are because you’re a human.
But I feel guilty even though my shoulders, hips, ankles, and back are shot. A day rarely passes without a mild panic attack or crushing migraine. The last time we went to the movies I had such an extreme physical and mental reaction to loud noises and flashing lights that I couldn't even get up and walk out. I know this is why I've been awarded disability, because I ran myself into the ground.
Well, yeah, you might have taken on more abuse than your body could handle, but let’s not forget that the military dumped that problem on you in the first place. You’ve not only earned it but you’ve paid the price as well. That’s reflected in a lifetime annuity of financial compensation.
Some of your condition has been exacerbated by your MOS, of course, but some of it could be genetics or aging. It’s also possible that there could be new symptoms of a new problem which has nothing to do with military service, but you’ll keep an eye out for that. Whether you’re doing physical therapy or exercising, you might be overtraining.
The key is figuring out the differences so that you’re not suffering from Tough Guy Syndrome or dismissive of something new that’s developing into a new problem. Let’s not get into how I’ve learned this.
For example, crushing migraines are not simply “Oh, you’re under stress, suck it up and take the rest of the day off.” It could be medical symptoms or it could be caused by your environment (mold, allergic reactions). For more discussion of this I recommend OneSickVet.com. It could help to reframe your migraine symptoms as “Ouch, let’s figure out what’s causing this and what makes the symptoms feel better”, perhaps with a MRI or a CAT scan. If you think it’s stress but it’s actually exacerbated by a thin-walled blood vessel in your cerebral cortex then you’d want to know that.
Even today, 16+ years into retirement, I react badly to loud noises and flashing lights. It has nothing to do with submarine service (although that didn’t help) and much to do with overstimulation, tinnitus, hearing loss, and being an introvert. Now I know enough about myself to avoid fireworks (except from a distance) and I’m done going to college/professional football games. I can watch a movie trailer for the next Marvel or DC epic (with earplugs if I’m in a movie theater). Yet when a military conference seminar ambushed me with a trailer for “The Long Road Home” documentary, I had to walk out. In the hallway I met a similar group of vets all (individually) fleeing the scene. It included one extraordinarily tough & capable military family counselor who was crying their eyes out.
So with that out there, how do you mentally and emotionally transition into an earlier than expected retirement? If you've left behind a high stress occupation, do you focus exclusively on minimizing stress and only participate in what you feel like doing every morning when you wake up? How do you know when you're ready to work towards developing sources of income out of hobbies and interests? What if you never care to develop any extra sources of income and choose to focus on being present for your family?
You continue the process which you’re going through now. You work on your health and physical condition (as best you can). You take long walks (as best you can) without turning them into a Spartan GoRuck marathon. (The point is simply to flex, to have your blood pump out the body’s toxins, and to help you sleep better.) You find people who share your background & experience, whether that’s in cognitive-based therapy or a Wounded Warrior Project event or simply volunteering for a veteran’s group. Or, you know, Internet forums.
You do what you feel like, but people outside of the military call that “setting priorities”. You’re going to guard your time for the things which are important for you and you’re going to eliminate the time-wasters. You’re going to leave about 50% of your time unscheduled simply because you’re a parent and a grownup who needs to have the flexibility and who finally has enough money to afford it.
You work on income from hobbies & interests as a means of expressing your priorities and the use of your time. You don’t necessarily need the money, but you could buy a boat (or a private jet). You could do it just because that’s how you value your time while you’re giving all of that revenue to military-friendly charities. Or so I’ve heard.
It’s perfectly fine to declare that you have “enough” and never work for money ever again. Unless you want to, in which case it’s your time & effort and you’re your own worst boss.
I had signed up for university this fall for the GI Bill stipend to supplement my pension, but that's no longer an actual need. All I really want to do now is watch my children grow and upgrade things around the house and... .
I’d suggest taking one class now and seeing whether it’s worth your time.
I’ve had years of instructor duty, and it’s made me the world’s worst student. You’ll also need to find an audience that is not filled with people who are... not you. If your professor is a poor instructor or even anti-military (because you defended their First Amendment right to be that way) then you might not be in the right classroom. If you’re taking a class with a bunch of teens and 20-somethings then you might not feel much affinity. But if you’re in a class with a bunch of older adults, or even co-teaching one, then you might enjoy it.
Many vets initially feel these issues with going back to school, and they eventually find the right combination of people and classes.
... hang out in the garage and take my car apart and swear at it a lot when I try to put it back together again.
It took me over a decade to appreciate that I was being frugal by habit and not by analysis. Now that you have the time to do this to your car, it might also be time for you to spend a thousand bucks (or more) for the best tools to assist with illuminating, lifting, positioning, and aligning. There might not be any more reasons to use your 1990s gear just because that’s what you’ve done for the last 25 years.
In my case it’s spending real money for real longboards (even if I have to pay retail because it’s not on Craigslist) and buying high-quality computers and mobile devices (because I spend a lot of time using them).
I apologize for the long winded post. I guess I never imagined I'd be where I am right now and typing this up has been good therapy all by itself.
Ah, I recognize these symptoms. As someone once said to me over a decade ago, “You might have a book in you.”