Cleaning out a house after parents die

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Both of my parents died earlier this ***abominable*** year, and my wife and I are clearing/cleaning out their house. It is an enormous job, largely because they were both HOARDERS, and this grew worse in the last two years as they were both in declining mental and physical health. I have extracted lots of old photos, documents, and a few knick-knack/souvenirs that had some meaning to me. In THIRTY visits (we live an hour away), I have disposed of nearly THREE HUNDRED fully-loaded Hefty bags of their shite (garbage that should have been disposed of years ago). We have also given away a couple small truckloads of stuff. The place STILL looks like an utter abomination and it is really, really wearing on me. (I HATE hoarding and like lots of clean, uninterrupted lines in my dwelling space!) I want to sell it and be done with it for ever. Fortunately, I am an only child! (No tears for me, I always liked it that way, and I have heard endless horror stories of siblings acting like complete dicks after a parent dies!!)

Anyway, after I finish going through everything, I need to turn this over to professionals because I cannot spend the rest of my life doing this! (I also work for a living at a job-fully remote thank god)

My mother was into crafts and she taught grade school-age kids in her semi-retirement. There is a ton of craft supplies, stuffed animals, games, seasonal decorations, all kinds of cutesy crap, etc. The realtor who we've chosen to sell the house offered to come over a couple of times with a few friends and have an estate sale. She mentioned that a name-your-price sort of thing would work, since there are soooooo mannnnny items, and nearly all are very low value. (My parents never had a lot of money and they both had very plain tastes). I know that many people who show up at garage sales will want to drive away with U-haul truck full of stuff for a nickel and others will outright steal, but I assume that at least some other people will act in a reasonable manner! The realtor seems to have experience in this, AND, I hate selling stuff, I hate yard sales, and I hate haggling. Therefore, I will likely hand it mostly over to her and supply them with plenty of food, refreshments, and offer some cash at the end. They offered to do it for free.

Failing that...Who/what do you recommend for estate sales of large volumes of low-end stuff? I just want to get rid of it, but, for the sake of managing the estates, I have an obligation to get what I can for this stuff.

When we are done with the estate sales, how should I get rid of the rest of the crap? I looked at the junkluggers.com site and it looks pretty good. I want as much stuff as possible to go to charity, because I know that some people would really like some of that stuff! Junkluggers claim they parcel as much as possible out to charity, but how do I know they don't just dump it all in the landfill?? Can you recommend any service for cleaning out the remaining post-estate-sale crap?

Any thoughts on managing this situation???? (It is emotionally draining too!!!) I want to list and sell the damn thing before the real estate market drops off a cliff as we've never seen before!!

Thanks.

[kanga1622]

My dad wasn’t a hoarder but 40+ years of raising a family in the same home meant there was a lot of stuff. We’d lost my mom more than 10 years earlier so he didn’t have a real reason to pair down anything in the intervening years.

The 5 kids all took an entire week to go through everything, sort out the actual trash, save the sentimental items, and then we put everything on flatbed trailers or the driveway and had an auction. We got rid of a lot of items that way and everything else ended up at the dump or in a burn pile because we’d already donated things that we knew had more value to local centers (think clothes and kitchen gear).

It was heartbreaking to see whole series of books go for a couple bucks but at least someone else had the opportunity to enjoy them. And it solidified for me that keeping so many things is often just a burden to loved ones.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

.... And it solidified for me that keeping so many things is often just a burden to loved ones.

Absolutely true! Financial debt can be a financial burden to children (or at least the estate they are managing), but hoarding is a TIME and ENERGY debt. Folks, please don't do this to your kids!!

Unfortunately for me at this point, there a quite a few items in the "don't want it, but hate to see it thrown/given away" category. Maybe in a year or two, I will be able to part with more of this stuff...

[Ann]

The are house-cleaning services specifically aimed at hoarder houses, although this may be too extreme at this stage (if you were going to do this you might as well have done it before cleaning up all the garbage).

I have helped (to some extent) a friend who was trying to clean out his old house after decades of living there.  He was sentimental and a collector.  It took him 10 years.  He paid 10 years of property taxes and basic maintenance because his perfectionist tendencies made him want to find the perfect home for all of the things he had accumulated. 

It’s very painful, especially depending on your disposition. You mention trying to make as much as possible for the estate but maybe that shouldn’t necessarily be as high of priority.   I don’t advocate taking everything to the dump for environmental reasons but I would consider trying to solidify your goals.  Do you obligated  to make money off this?  That’s a full time job.  Are you trying to get rid of it?  Do you do eBay, find loving new homes or mass sale and charity drop off.  The longer you spend on it means more gas, more up-keep, potentially more taxes (if you have the house for years).  I think these situations were “the best is the enemy of the good”. I like the idea of having someone else do auctions, haggling.  And would you rather have someone drive off with a station wagon full of stuff for a nickel or have that station-wagon full of stuff still there at the end of the day, and now you get it load it and take it somewhere.
Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Just keep moving towards your goals.  And they may not align with my interpretation, so of course do what fits for you!

Again, it’s very painful and because everything is also tied to a loved one you recently lost there’s a lot more emotion and guilt than if you are just a friend helping out or someone who flips properties, etc.

[dblaace]

Check this site for and see if there are any companies in your area.

https://www.estatesales.net/

[MayDay]

Listen to Ann!

If you parents wanted to get value out of this stuff, they would have! You certainly aren't obligated to.

I'd have the real estate agent do the garage sale. Then I'd put stuff out for free and trash the rest.

This is a huge burden, not a moral obligation to get value.

[dcheesi]

My parents weren't hoarders, though dad did have an explosion of paperwork in the den/office area (he kept records forever, and eventually he started having trouble keeping up with the incoming mail). But there was just so much stuff accumulated over nearly fifty years in the same house! I'm 2+ hours away, and my brother is 14 hours away, so there was no way we'd ever get it cleaned out on our own.

We hired a local company to do clean out and estate sales. Still waiting on the final numbers, but I'm happy with their work so far. They cleaned everything out and sold off anything of value.

We did have an issue with water damage (drainage issue), but AFAICT that wasn't their fault; probably a lack of maintenance on my parents' part, with the increased activity at the house stressing the system enough to trigger the problem.

[Metalcat]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

[ender]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

+1 I was going to ask something similar.

for the sake of managing the estates, I have an obligation to get what I can for this stuff.

This doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  Does their estate explicitly say you have to do things like this for all the misc stuff they have which you yourself admit to be mostly worthless?

I'd call an estate sale company, ask them what they do with the surplus, and if you're content just be done with it.

I can tell from your post this is emotionally draining you in an already emotionally draining situation. What do you think your parents would want for you? Do you think they'd want you to agonize over a few bucks in this time?

[dcheesi]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

Might actually be referring to fiduciary responsibility. Technically the executor has an obligation maximize estate value for the benefit of the heirs. Of course, if you're the only heir, or if you're on good terms with the (other) heirs, then things are a bit more flexible. But if there's any chance of hard feelings and/or a contested estate, then you want to have all your i's dotted and t's crossed.

EDIT: In practice, of course, you have to weigh the value of the stuff vs. the costs associated with organizing and selling it. A reputable estate sale group can make a lot of these determinations for you. It's harder for someone to argue with "professionals" than with your own personal judgement on what to just throw out.

[Metalcat]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

Might actually be referring to fiduciary responsibility. Technically the executor has an obligation maximize estate value for the benefit of the heirs. Of course, if you're the only heir, or if you're on good terms with the (other) heirs, then things are a bit more flexible. But if there's any chance of hard feelings and/or a contested estate, then you want to have all your i's dotted and t's crossed.

I was under the impression that OP was the only heir, but I suppose that isn't clear.

[Paper Chaser]

AmVets, Salvation Army, etc will pick up donations for free. Clothes, furniture, vehicles, household goods, etc can all just disappear with a phone call.

[AccidentialMustache]

The OP has the issues my DW does. Doesn't want to trash things that still have value. Is probably pretty thrifty, and so sees even low value items as something A) another thrifter might want and B) having value so OP should sell it, not trash it/give it away.

I fear for the day our parents pass. Mostly I think I hope it is far enough down the line we are retired (and maybe if we're lucky, DS is in college/independent).

In my house, this is being papered over with money. We can "afford" to buy more house than we really need to store the crap, and so we do and I don't grumble too much about it (because divorce is expensive).

For you, OP, you are papering over it with your life/energy. Is it worth that cost to you? Is it giving that value to the world at large? If not, trash it. It wasn't your decision to horde it in the first place. There is a very limited amount of blame (like: none) you should accept for disposing of it, even if all you did was get a dumpster and trash it all.

[Metalcat]

The OP has the issues my DW does. Doesn't want to trash things that still have value. Is probably pretty thrifty, and so sees even low value items as something A) another thrifter might want and B) having value so OP should sell it, not trash it/give it away.

I fear for the day our parents pass. Mostly I think I hope it is far enough down the line we are retired (and maybe if we're lucky, DS is in college/independent).

In my house, this is being papered over with money. We can "afford" to buy more house than we really need to store the crap, and so we do and I don't grumble too much about it (because divorce is expensive).

For you, OP, you are papering over it with your life/energy. Is it worth that cost to you? Is it giving that value to the world at large? If not, trash it. It wasn't your decision to horde it in the first place. There is a very limited amount of blame (like: none) you should accept for disposing of it, even if all you did was get a dumpster and trash it all.

Exactly.

Even if this stuff has value, so does time and energy.

[svosavvy]

This will be my fate sooner than I would like it to be. 

My 70+ yr old folks have a large rural farmhouse meant for raising 8 kids a 150 years ago.  It is the two of them and all the stuff from having a life.  My wife and I usually do a maintenance clean every year or two with my mom.  This usually yields a couple truck loads to the goodwill and a bunch of 55 gal garbage bags at the end of the driveway.  This helps stem the tide, but, when it is time to check out the levee will break.  My Dad just won't let a thing go.  My Mom was like this as well, but, the last decade or so I think she has seen the writing on the wall and really loosened up.

I basically furnished our young and broke household with estate finds.  I would watch these estate businesses sometimes with amazement as they got ready for a sale.  I feel like that is the way I will go.  The people who are good at it are merciless.  They get a roll away dumpster (or two or three) and some pallets.  They go room by room and not a scrap of paper is left.  Dumpster or pallet no 3rd option.  Then have a 2-3 day estate sale.  Then you choose what to do with the stuff that doesn't sell.  Having to choose whether to rent/buy a storage unit or have it inhabit your household is where the rubber hits the road.  Honestly, that is where I would donate and be done.  I kind of think of their fee like a funeral cost.  You are basically having a funeral for all their crap.  It seems cathartic as well.  Like a funeral. 

When I have worked with my Mom cleaning every now and then I will think I can ebay this or that.  I put it in a box and get busy in my life and a month later there it is unebayed taking up space.  Then it gets donated.  I try to think about how much I make an hour working and if I can't clear at least that then screw it.  Cleaning clutter is definitely work and there are professionals who are way better at it than I.  I can tolerate this activity a couple times a year.  Beyond that is a death march for me.

[geekette]

We had an excellent estate sale for my in-laws, who built their house in the 50's and never moved.  The estate company came in with tables and tents, spent 3 days organizing and pulling everything out of closets and from under beds.  They put aside anything they thought might have sentimental value, then auctioned the rest in one day. 

Towards the end, if a lot wasn't selling, they'd add a second lot, and a third, until someone bid. If the person only wanted the third lot, they still took it all with them - we didn't have to deal with it.  The house was empty and swept clean by the end of the day.  Household goods went for very, very little (beds for $2.50).  Almost all the value was car tools, antique car parts, and coins. 

It was very low stress for us, but the auction company will take a hefty percentage for all their work.

[jeninco]

Rather than thinking about how you'd like to get $ for the stuff, it may be helpful to reframe as either (or both)

"someone is going to pay me to take this away" and also
"this thing is going to get used in its new home rather than cluttering up my life and not serving its actual purpose."

I have two relatives in their 80's, and I'm going to be the lucky person who gets to clean out both houses, which are a complicated mix of absolute crap and high-end historical furniture and art. Not looking forward to the job, but trying to at least prepare myself emotionally.

[Cranky]

We have cleaned out two family homes in the last few years. It’s a lot of work. There really wasn’t hoarding but a lifetime of hobbies and just general stuff adds up. For a family of mostly teetotalers, we sure had a lot of antique wine glasses.

Anyway, it’s a lot of work, and it’s emotional. In your case, I’d hire a company that would hold an estate sale and then clear the rest out. It doesn’t sound like any of it is valuable.

It’s harder to get charities to pick stuff up when there’s a lot - we found that they were pretty picky.

[Sibley]

My family just did this, though it was associated with a major move, not a death. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this.

First, no, you do not have to maximize monetary value. Because your mental health matters and has value, and that is likely way more value than random crap.

Second, a giant "name your price" sale is exactly what you're looking for. Semi organize everything, display as best you can, advertise on whatever social media or other sites. Do the Thurs - Sunday or whatever is typical for the area. The goal is to get rid of everything, not make a bunch of money. On the last day, every this ia a quarter, or fill a bag for $1, or whatever. After the sale, arrange for a scrap picker(s) to come and take whatever they want. Do a bit of sleuthing and see if you can find someone who will pick up and then arrange for sale/recycle, have them come after the scrap picker. That is the most effective for keeping things out of the landfill. Or arrange for a donation pickup. If you want, you can bundle up all the sheets/towels/blankets and donate to an animal shelter, etc, but that's a lot more effort for low reward.

It's exhausting, but it is effective in clearing the house.

Also, you need to realize that people, in general, do not want all the crap. My family tried to find an estate sale company to come and do a sale, and they wouldn't. There is literally so much stuff, cheap stuff, that is available that there's no money it in for them. There are companies that will do the high volume, low dollar sales, but it's going to be pretty much what I just described above. This isn't going to change because of the sheer number of Boomers who are aging and downsizing or dying. The market is flooded with stuff. It will probably only get worse actually. Values are down, you can't sell stuff, etc.

Clear the house, as quickly and efficiently as you can. Extracting money should not be your goal. Everyday that you delay selling the house is a day in which the house is deteriorating further, and a day that you're dragging out settling the estate is just added costs. Just get this done.

[AccidentalMiser]

I'm so sorry about your parents.  Truly. 

Attaching sentimental value to their hoarded stuff is both understandable and counter-productive.

My rule is:

Pitch the trash and anything broken, soiled, etc.

Call Goodwill, St. Vincent, Habitat, etc. and see if they have a truck they'll send over.  If so, help them load it up and deduct it on your taxes (or not)

or

Worth more than $20 IN ITS CURRENT CONDITION.  Sell it on FB, CL, Kijiji, EB, etc.

Carry the rest to the garage and put up a big "free" sign and stand guard while the masses come and carry it off.

Best
AM

[iris lily]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

Might actually be referring to fiduciary responsibility. Technically the executor has an obligation maximize estate value for the benefit of the heirs. Of course, if you're the only heir, or if you're on good terms with the (other) heirs, then things are a bit more flexible. But if there's any chance of hard feelings and/or a contested estate, then you want to have all your i's dotted and t's crossed.

I was under the impression that OP was the only heir, but I suppose that isn't clear.

Agreed. I need to know who is an heir in this scenario and how ridiculous are their expectations for squeezing value out of valueless stuff.

Most people really have NO idea how little the crap isvworth.

One way to combat this is if, for instance, the OP has siblings who expect mom and dad’s crap to generate money: Remind the siblings that you, the OP, will be taking an hourly salary to “work on the house. “Most states allow you to take compensation for that as the agent if the estate.

When my mother died she didn’t have tons of stuff because she had already moved a couple of times. Thank God. But I skimmed off the family silver and a couple other things that were of obvious value, took them home and sold them, and split the money with my brother. My brother said he wanted to sell her stuff on eBay. I said go for it dude and you keep all the money I want nothing to do with it.

And as it turns out when the time came to sort of clean out her house, he ended up tossing a great deal of it. Unfortunately/fortunately we sold her house to My cousin who is a hoarder and so he kept a certain amount of my mom’s stuff, mainly furniture.

[RetiredAt63]

When I downsized I donated all my excess furniture (over half the moving van) to a charity that furnishes homes for refugees and others who need it.  The joy was that the movers moved me in, then took all the excess to the charity, and anything they didn't want went to the landfill.  I also got a lovely tax receipt.  The charity has set values - $X for a table $Y for a sofa etc.  Some movers specialize in moving older people who are downsizing, they are used to doing this.

Auctioneers here also do estate sales.  I am eating off lovely Noritake china that I got at an estate sale. 

To those with parents who are close to this point, I highly recommend The Swedish Art of Death Cleaning.  The author is funny and very practical - husband dead, kids on their own, she has too much stuff.  Also ask what people would like to happen to their stuff - I have already told DD what to do with my craft stuff which is the bulk of my apartment contents. 

Seriously, from the point of the person who will be leaving the estate - donate clothes, donate furniture and kitchen equipment, specific donation for craft items.  There isn't much left after that.

[iris lily]

We had an excellent estate sale for my in-laws, who built their house in the 50's and never moved.  The estate company came in with tables and tents, spent 3 days organizing and pulling everything out of closets and from under beds.  They put aside anything they thought might have sentimental value, then auctioned the rest in one day. 

Towards the end, if a lot wasn't selling, they'd add a second lot, and a third, until someone bid. If the person only wanted the third lot, they still took it all with them - we didn't have to deal with it.  The house was empty and swept clean by the end of the day.  Household goods went for very, very little (beds for $2.50).  Almost all the value was car tools, antique car parts, and coins. 

It was very low stress for us, but the auction company will take a hefty percentage for all their work.

Our friend had an estate sale run by pros to get rid of 95% of his stuff. It was priced too high and he still had shit tons left when it was over. So then we helped our local church go through the remaining stuff and they picked out what they wanted.And then he was still left with crap and his house closed in 48 hours. So we loaded up our truck and took things to the dumpsters. And he ended up in an agreement with a new buyer to keep a hugely heavy but beautiful bookcase there in the house or he got no money for it because the estate sale people had price things so high.

[Cranky]

When I downsized I donated all my excess furniture (over half the moving van) to a charity that furnishes homes for refugees and others who need it.  The joy was that the movers moved me in, then took all the excess to the charity, and anything they didn't want went to the landfill.  I also got a lovely tax receipt.  The charity has set values - $X for a table $Y for a sofa etc.  Some movers specialize in moving older people who are downsizing, they are used to doing this.

Auctioneers here also do estate sales.  I am eating off lovely Noritake china that I got at an estate sale. 

To those with parents who are close to this point, I highly recommend The Swedish Art of Death Cleaning.  The author is funny and very practical - husband dead, kids on their own, she has too much stuff.  Also ask what people would like to happen to their stuff - I have already told DD what to do with my craft stuff which is the bulk of my apartment contents. 

Seriously, from the point of the person who will be leaving the estate - donate clothes, donate furniture and kitchen equipment, specific donation for craft items.  There isn't much left after that.

My mom had a lovely collection of Victorian dolls. It was a hobby she really enjoyed - there are clubs and shows. She left the name of someone who was supposed to handle the sale of her collection after she died, and unfortunately, at that point , that person was also deceased.

My brother-in-law claimed her would handle selling them on eBay, so we packed them up, but he hasn’t done anything.

I really don’t care about the value, but I’d like them to go to someone who would enjoy them, rather at a yard sale.

The moral of this story is that even when make a plan, it may not work out.

[Fomerly known as something]

Currently going through this with my own home.  It’s tiring and I’ve moved every 4-5 years since 2008.  I’ve been proud that each move there has been less stuff but it is still a giant PITA.  I was selling some furniture for just don’t flake on my prices on FB, but the rest (still in useable condition) goes to the St. Vincent truck on 8/12.

[RetiredAt63]

When I downsized I donated all my excess furniture (over half the moving van) to a charity that furnishes homes for refugees and others who need it.  The joy was that the movers moved me in, then took all the excess to the charity, and anything they didn't want went to the landfill.  I also got a lovely tax receipt.  The charity has set values - $X for a table $Y for a sofa etc.  Some movers specialize in moving older people who are downsizing, they are used to doing this.

Auctioneers here also do estate sales.  I am eating off lovely Noritake china that I got at an estate sale. 

To those with parents who are close to this point, I highly recommend The Swedish Art of Death Cleaning.  The author is funny and very practical - husband dead, kids on their own, she has too much stuff.  Also ask what people would like to happen to their stuff - I have already told DD what to do with my craft stuff which is the bulk of my apartment contents. 

Seriously, from the point of the person who will be leaving the estate - donate clothes, donate furniture and kitchen equipment, specific donation for craft items.  There isn't much left after that.

My mom had a lovely collection of Victorian dolls. It was a hobby she really enjoyed - there are clubs and shows. She left the name of someone who was supposed to handle the sale of her collection after she died, and unfortunately, at that point , that person was also deceased.

My brother-in-law claimed her would handle selling them on eBay, so we packed them up, but he hasn’t done anything.

I really don’t care about the value, but I’d like them to go to someone who would enjoy them, rather at a yard sale.

The moral of this story is that even when make a plan, it may not work out.

And the moral of your story is that plans need to be kept up to date.  And I fully agree that the dolls will be much more appreciated if bought by a collector rather than someone who is shopping a yard sale.  Someone in the clubs/show executive should be able to advise you.

As an example, my table loom was bought from a lady who was moving into assisted living.  She got to meet the weaver (me) who would be using her loom.  My floor loom was bought from a weaver's estate - he never got to appreciate where his loom went.  And it was stressful for his niece who had to sell it.  Kijiji is much less likely to produce a good buyer than selling through a club/guild.  So for specific collections, it is much safer to give the executor the name of a group that might be interested, instead of an individual.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Hi folks! Thanks so much for the answers. I realize that some of my ridiculous narrative may not make a whole lot of sense to you guys, but I am being advised by more than one lawyer, and the situation is:

MASSIVELY, MASSIVELY, MIND-BENDINGLY complex and I cannot--and probably should not--explain too much of it here.

To clarify--yes, I am the only heir.

As for maximizing value, there are creditors who are screaming to get paid and my lawyer is advising me on liquidating all of their crap (and a million other issues). I am not personally liable for any of their debts (never co-signed anything). However the lawyer just wants me to be careful to at least try to get what I can for their remaining crap. Nevertheless, he is completely sympathetic and advised that he understands my time is valuable and I'm "not in the junk business." When the estate is insolvent, the estate is insolvent, and it is possible that some creditors will not get paid (Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates). I am in the hole hugely for their burial expenses, legal fees, transportation, cleaning costs, and the like. (not actual debt per se, because I have emergency fund) The estates are due life insurance, but at this point...maybe insurance is just an ENORMOUS SCAM, just like everything else in life (the business world at least).

Partly also, I just need to vent.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Can you explain the obligation you feel to get value for the stuff?

I really don't understand.

Might actually be referring to fiduciary responsibility. Technically the executor has an obligation maximize estate value for the benefit of the heirs. Of course, if you're the only heir, or if you're on good terms with the (other) heirs, then things are a bit more flexible. But if there's any chance of hard feelings and/or a contested estate, then you want to have all your i's dotted and t's crossed.

EDIT: In practice, of course, you have to weigh the value of the stuff vs. the costs associated with organizing and selling it. A reputable estate sale group can make a lot of these determinations for you. It's harder for someone to argue with "professionals" than with your own personal judgement on what to just throw out.

Looks like the dude is privy to all the latest shit! :)

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

.. My family tried to find an estate sale company to come and do a sale, and they wouldn't. There is literally so much stuff, cheap stuff, that is available that there's no money it in for them. There are companies that will do the high volume, low dollar sales, but it's going to be pretty much what I just described above. This isn't going to change because of the sheer number of Boomers who are aging and downsizing or dying. The market is flooded with stuff. It will probably only get worse actually. Values are down, you can't sell stuff, etc.

Interesting thanks. In addition to the volume of crap and the low value of the items, there is also the disarray of the place in general. However, for the sake of covering my ass, it might be good to have a record of a couple estate companies telling me "thanks but no thanks", just so I don't get accused of trashing a bunch of Patek Philippes and Cartier platinum panther cuff links.

[jeninco]

.. My family tried to find an estate sale company to come and do a sale, and they wouldn't. There is literally so much stuff, cheap stuff, that is available that there's no money it in for them. There are companies that will do the high volume, low dollar sales, but it's going to be pretty much what I just described above. This isn't going to change because of the sheer number of Boomers who are aging and downsizing or dying. The market is flooded with stuff. It will probably only get worse actually. Values are down, you can't sell stuff, etc.

Interesting thanks. In addition to the volume of crap and the low value of the items, there is also the disarray of the place in general. However, for the sake of covering my ass, it might be good to have a record of a couple estate companies telling me "thanks but no thanks", just so I don't get accused of trashing a bunch of Patek Philippes and Cartier platinum panther cuff links.

Let me know when the estate sale will be: I'll swing by for the panther cuff links.

Seriously, I'm sorry about your parents, and I'm extra sorry that they left you to clean up this mess. It seems like you've gotten a variety of advice here -- good luck!

[TomTX]

(Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates).

Life insurance getting paid to the estate seems really odd to me. Typically life insurance payout bypasses the estate and goes to specific beneficiaries.

That way the creditors cannot claim it.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Cartier panther cuff links in platinum with emerald eyes. Near mint condition. Will sacrifice for $35,000!

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

(Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates).

Life insurance getting paid to the estate seems really odd to me. Typically life insurance payout bypasses the estate and goes to specific beneficiaries.

That way the creditors cannot claim it.

As I said, massively, massively, crazy complicated, and extraordinarily unusual situation. Can't even go into much of this...

[Metalcat]

(Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates).

Life insurance getting paid to the estate seems really odd to me. Typically life insurance payout bypasses the estate and goes to specific beneficiaries.

That way the creditors cannot claim it.

As I said, massively, massively, crazy complicated, and extraordinarily unusual situation. Can't even go into much of this...

Oh shit, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

That's horrible. I have no advice. Vent away, and try to stay sane.

[ColonelPotter]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.

My dad passed away in December, and lived in a third floor apartment, so nowhere near as much stuff as you're dealing with.  However, my sister and I both knew we didn't want to keep anything, and we didn't want the burden of figuring out what to do with it.

So, we found this place that hauled away EVERYTHING and they decide what's trash, what gets refurbished and sold, and what gets donated.  They charged by the amount of trucks they filled - not mustachian by any means, but, I made an exception for my mental health.  I imagine there's some business like this you could contact?

We cleaned the entire apartment out in 2.5 days.

[Bateaux]

Sorry for your loss.  Set up the estate sale with a company.  Have the house cleaned and sell it.  It's not your responsibility to take anything you don't want.

[iris lily]

When I downsized I donated all my excess furniture (over half the moving van) to a charity that furnishes homes for refugees and others who need it.  The joy was that the movers moved me in, then took all the excess to the charity, and anything they didn't want went to the landfill.  I also got a lovely tax receipt.  The charity has set values - $X for a table $Y for a sofa etc.  Some movers specialize in moving older people who are downsizing, they are used to doing this.

Auctioneers here also do estate sales.  I am eating off lovely Noritake china that I got at an estate sale. 

To those with parents who are close to this point, I highly recommend The Swedish Art of Death Cleaning.  The author is funny and very practical - husband dead, kids on their own, she has too much stuff.  Also ask what people would like to happen to their stuff - I have already told DD what to do with my craft stuff which is the bulk of my apartment contents. 

Seriously, from the point of the person who will be leaving the estate - donate clothes, donate furniture and kitchen equipment, specific donation for craft items.  There isn't much left after that.

My mom had a lovely collection of Victorian dolls. It was a hobby she really enjoyed - there are clubs and shows. She left the name of someone who was supposed to handle the sale of her collection after she died, and unfortunately, at that point , that person was also deceased.

My brother-in-law claimed her would handle selling them on eBay, so we packed them up, but he hasn’t done anything.

I really don’t care about the value, but I’d like them to go to someone who would enjoy them, rather at a yard sale.

The moral of this story is that even when make a plan, it may not work out.

And the moral of your story is that plans need to be kept up to date.  And I fully agree that the dolls will be much more appreciated if bought by a collector rather than someone who is shopping a yard sale.  Someone in the clubs/show executive should be able to advise you.

As an example, my table loom was bought from a lady who was moving into assisted living.  She got to meet the weaver (me) who would be using her loom.  My floor loom was bought from a weaver's estate - he never got to appreciate where his loom went.  And it was stressful for his niece who had to sell it.  Kijiji is much less likely to produce a good buyer than selling through a club/guild.  So for specific collections, it is much safer to give the executor the name of a group that might be interested, instead of an individual.

I would tell your brother-in-law to drive the dolls to a doll show and sell them to vendors there. He will not get retail price he will get wholesale price But he will be rid of them in one fell swoop.

But that’s often what I did to get rid of various stuff including dolls that I drove to a toy show. It was a general toy show not a doll show so a couple of my  dolls were not recognized by a buyers as what they were. I took them home and ended up selling one on ebay, sending her to Japan. The other one,  I called the local doll society and the president came to pick her up and gave me some money.

Of course I didn’t get top price for any of them but that was not important to me.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

(Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates).

Life insurance getting paid to the estate seems really odd to me. Typically life insurance payout bypasses the estate and goes to specific beneficiaries.

That way the creditors cannot claim it.

As I said, massively, massively, crazy complicated, and extraordinarily unusual situation. Can't even go into much of this...

Oh shit, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

That's horrible. I have no advice. Vent away, and try to stay sane.

Thanks, Just got more bad news today--I am in the process of being fcuked by three different life insurance companies. They each have 500,000 lawyers and I have 1 (I cannot afford). Who's gonna win? Somebody has to pay for all those high-rise towers in every major city of the world...Somebody has to pay for the CEO's new giga-yacht..

The gods could not have conspired to come up with a more insidious (and stupefyingly bizarre and unlikely) plan to screw me over than what is actually happening in the year or our lord 2021. 

[Sibley]

(Have been hassling with life insurance for MONTHS to get benefits paid to their estates).

Life insurance getting paid to the estate seems really odd to me. Typically life insurance payout bypasses the estate and goes to specific beneficiaries.

That way the creditors cannot claim it.

As I said, massively, massively, crazy complicated, and extraordinarily unusual situation. Can't even go into much of this...

Oh shit, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

That's horrible. I have no advice. Vent away, and try to stay sane.

Thanks, Just got more bad news today--I am in the process of being fcuked by three different life insurance companies. They each have 500,000 lawyers and I have 1 (I cannot afford). Who's gonna win? Somebody has to pay for all those high-rise towers in every major city of the world...Somebody has to pay for the CEO's new giga-yacht..

The gods could not have conspired to come up with a more insidious (and stupefyingly bizarre and unlikely) plan to screw me over than what is actually happening in the year or our lord 2021.

Insurance companies are subject to regulation. File a complaint with the applicable Department of Insurance. (clear it with your lawyer first of course.) There are RULES about responding to state DOI complaints, and the DOIs do not take kindly to the insurance companies who blow it off. Considering that its a complicated situation, my guess is that is not helping matters, but still. The basis of life claim processing is pretty simple: 1. is there a policy, 2. is the person dead, 3. are there any reasons why the death benefit shouldn't be paid, 4. who is the beneficiary, 5. pay the claim. Now, each step can actually be really complicated, so depending on where you're getting stuck you may have different actions you can take.

Good luck. And any chance you can tell the creditors to come  manage a sale?

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Thanks yes. I will be on the phone to my lawyer next week. He is very sharp, and in addition to being a good lawyer, he is very savvy about the business world. He always likes to try the carrot approach first, while holding the stick in the other hand..

I also like your idea about having the creditors manage a sale: "Hey, credit card company, the estate is insolvent, but you wanna come by and haul away some of their crap as partial payment???"

[Dicey]

Thanks yes. I will be on the phone to my lawyer next week. He is very sharp, and in addition to being a good lawyer, he is very savvy about the business world. He always likes to try the carrot approach first, while holding the stick in the other hand..

I also like your idea about having the creditors manage a sale: "Hey, credit card company, the estate is insolvent, but you wanna come by and haul away some of their crap as partial payment???"

When my dad died, there were three small insurance policies. The most difficult to collect on was the one worth $1,000 (not a typo), which was divided six ways. Pain in the ass.

Next, MIL had LTC insurance that specifically covered Alzheimer's. She passed away recently and we have yet to collect a dime of it, those bastards.

Save your effort for dealing with the insurance companies. Take a bunch pictures, keep what you want, and let the rest go. If anyone comes after you, show 'em the pictures. They'll get it.

Seriously, 1-800-Got-Junk is your friend. Just be careful of hidden cash. We found over $13k when we cleaned out MIL's second home, but nothing in her main home, probably because the primary was close to a bank/town and the other one was more remote.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Thanks yes. I will be on the phone to my lawyer next week. He is very sharp, and in addition to being a good lawyer, he is very savvy about the business world. He always likes to try the carrot approach first, while holding the stick in the other hand..

I also like your idea about having the creditors manage a sale: "Hey, credit card company, the estate is insolvent, but you wanna come by and haul away some of their crap as partial payment???"

When my dad died, there were three small insurance policies. The most difficult to collect on was the one worth $1,000 (not a typo), which was divided six ways. Pain in the ass.

Next, MIL had LTC insurance that specifically covered Alzheimer's. She passed away recently and we have yet to collect a dime of it, those bastards.

Wow, sorry. I always wondered about those LTC policies... I am sure "those bastards" have more friends filthy whores in congress than you do! I was trying to sift through various reviews for various policies for other things and nearly everyone complained that -insert company name here-- never pays out. One other policy is completely ignoring my repeated attempts at communication and the other is peppering me with endless requests for more paperwork. It's all a Scam. They are counting on most people to just give up! Scam. Their CEO needs a bigger giga-yacht; a 250 foot boat does not garner much respect in Monte Carlo these days, especially when you're toadying up to our good allies the Saudis!
 

[AccidentialMustache]

That sucks. My FIL had to deal with a ... complicated ... estate of his brother recently. In theory it was supposed to be easy. In reality, in trying to make it easy, said brother actually just made things harder on the FIL. I'm glad it was FIL and not DW. She would have lost her mind, while FIL was the rock which waves break against.

I would for sure do the least possible when you aren't getting much (or anything) out of the estate. Call someone who cleans out a house for sale and sells what has value and call it a day.

If you'd known this all up front, I'd have said to refuse being executor. Sure, it'll be someone else's problem, but that's their issue not yours. That probably means giving up any mementos, but based on the level of stress that may be a trade worth making.

[iris lily]

Thanks yes. I will be on the phone to my lawyer next week. He is very sharp, and in addition to being a good lawyer, he is very savvy about the business world. He always likes to try the carrot approach first, while holding the stick in the other hand..

I also like your idea about having the creditors manage a sale: "Hey, credit card company, the estate is insolvent, but you wanna come by and haul away some of their crap as partial payment???"

When my dad died, there were three small insurance policies. The most difficult to collect on was the one worth $1,000 (not a typo), which was divided six ways. Pain in the ass.

Next, MIL had LTC insurance that specifically covered Alzheimer's. She passed away recently and we have yet to collect a dime of it, those bastards.

Wow, sorry. I always wondered about those LTC policies... I am sure "those bastards" have more friends filthy whores in congress than you do! I was trying to sift through various reviews for various policies for other things and nearly everyone complained that -insert company name here-- never pays out. One other policy is completely ignoring my repeated attempts at communication and the other is peppering me with endless requests for more paperwork. It's all a Scam. They are counting on most people to just give up! Scam. Their CEO needs a bigger giga-yacht; a 250 foot boat does not garner much respect in Monte Carlo these days, especially when you're toadying up to our good allies the Saudis!

Generally speaking, the word on the street is that LTC policies are no longer viable.
My mother’s served her well and did what  it was supposed to do, but she was a different generation. She died in 2010.

[Dicey]

Thanks yes. I will be on the phone to my lawyer next week. He is very sharp, and in addition to being a good lawyer, he is very savvy about the business world. He always likes to try the carrot approach first, while holding the stick in the other hand..

I also like your idea about having the creditors manage a sale: "Hey, credit card company, the estate is insolvent, but you wanna come by and haul away some of their crap as partial payment???"

When my dad died, there were three small insurance policies. The most difficult to collect on was the one worth $1,000 (not a typo), which was divided six ways. Pain in the ass.

Next, MIL had LTC insurance that specifically covered Alzheimer's. She passed away recently and we have yet to collect a dime of it, those bastards.

Wow, sorry. I always wondered about those LTC policies... I am sure "those bastards" have more friends filthy whores in congress than you do! I was trying to sift through various reviews for various policies for other things and nearly everyone complained that -insert company name here-- never pays out. One other policy is completely ignoring my repeated attempts at communication and the other is peppering me with endless requests for more paperwork. It's all a Scam. They are counting on most people to just give up! Scam. Their CEO needs a bigger giga-yacht; a 250 foot boat does not garner much respect in Monte Carlo these days, especially when you're toadying up to our good allies the Saudis!

Generally speaking, the word on the street is that LTC policies are no longer viable.
My mother’s served her well and did what  it was supposed to do, but she was a different generation. She died in 2010.

Agreed. DH and I have none and no plans to buy any. We are pursuing payment, even though we don't need the money just because we have the means to hound them. If we make it easier for someone else to collect, that's sufficient reward. We literally paid the premiums until she died, while All state was denying our claims just so we didn't lose the right to [pur]sue them.

Side note to OP: We just watched The Big Lebowski tonight for the first time. Lol'd when I heard that line.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

Will not be receiving insurance for the estate of one relative (named beneficiary) because she died less than 120 hours after the policy holder. Hence, even though she died 96 hours LATER, by the terms of the contract, she "pre-deceased" her. So, if you die 96 hours AFTER someone, then you really died BEFORE them--only in Corporate MURIKKKA.

Scam.

[ender]

Will not be receiving insurance for the estate of one relative (named beneficiary) because she died less than 120 hours after the policy holder. Hence, even though she died 96 hours LATER, by the terms of the contract, she "pre-deceased" her. So, if you die 96 hours AFTER someone, then you really died BEFORE them--only in Corporate MURIKKKA.

Scam.

This doesn't even make sense at all, there are pretty clear guidelines for how life insurance works if a beneficiary dies.

Talk to your lawyer.

[DaMa]

That's scary.  Was there no secondary beneficiary on the policy?

[Wolfpack Mustachian]

Just wanted to chime in with no advice but to say I'm sorry you're going through this legal crap on top of your overall grief. I hope it works out better than you can imagine it right now.

[Captain FIRE]

Will not be receiving insurance for the estate of one relative (named beneficiary) because she died less than 120 hours after the policy holder. Hence, even though she died 96 hours LATER, by the terms of the contract, she "pre-deceased" her. So, if you die 96 hours AFTER someone, then you really died BEFORE them--only in Corporate MURIKKKA.

Scam.

This is common for wills, because you don't want to pay taxes twice etc.  I don't know about it for life insurance how common that is, but it should go to the secondary beneficiary.  If no secondary beneficiary, it should still go to the estate and not disappear.